omnifucking

adj. An omnipotent, omniscient, freaking awesome fuckish word.

Real citation: “So we decided to go out to dinner, and picked a local Tex-Mex restaurant. Where Alex thought it'd be fun to spend the evening climbing over Anna and throwing silverware, and where a roaming omnifucking mariachi band made it impossible to even think clearly, much less talk clearly.”
(Sept. 4, 2007, “Having Fun - The Dragon*Con Report,” http://sfeley.livejournal.com/43960.html)

Made-up citation: "'Sweet omnifucking Lord!' is almost not blasphemous."

wadwipe

noun. Take an asswipe. Add a buttwad. Subtract an assbutt. Voila.

Real citation: “dude...whats with all the racist bullshit on here? Get a fucking life you wadwipe. I have no problems with a little name calling but racism is just weak and outdated. It really diminishes the validity of the board.”
(Sept. 24, 2007, Stillers Talk, http://forums.stillers.com/forums/Default.aspx?g=posts&t=298&p=2)

Made-up citation: "In a world of buttwipes, I am a wadwipe. And I don't trust buttwipes."

poignantistic

adj. More poignant than poignant, less poignant than poignantastic.

Real citation: “Thanks also for 'Leftover Lady.' What can I say, I think it’s a very poignantistic poem and Jade’s kookificness is very loveable.”
(May 19, 2006, fourfour, http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2006/05/the_clump_stops.html)

Made-up citation: "I dated a chemistry teacher, but we had no chemistry. I dated a philosophy teacher who couldn't think. Then I went out with a gym teacher who shaved cats. Is that ironic, poignantistic, or just sad?"

Frankendoofus

noun. A doofus who is alive! Aiiiieeeeeeeeee!

Real citation: “Good thing I am pretty thick-skinned...when SDV called The Sage and myself 'Frankendoofus', I nearly peed my pants from laughter! Between SDV and his Canadian buddy Alex, I should have enough material to keep me going through the month of April.”
(April 1, 2007, http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:jDAZz-l19osJ:watchingwalmartwatch.blogspot.com/2007/04/frankendoofus-speaks.html+frankendoofus&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us)

Made-up citation: "Was John Kerry ever called 'Frankendoofus'? I'm no historian. These aren't even my pants."

spokeshenchman

noun. A minion, underling, goon, or assistant with the gift of gab.

Real citation: “A spokeshenchman for the un-named evil genius said: “dropping bombs on these dingbats doesn’t work, so a death-ray from outer space would be a waste of time. We might as well twist their genes around until they start acting like humans rather than a sackful of civets on heat, then we can steal their oil and tax the beAllah out of the bastards”.”
(Nov. 19, 2003, Daily Diatribe, http://dailydiatribe.com.au/?p=2274)

Made-up citation: "Thank you for coming to our cult. My spokeshenchman will explain our plans to herd cats and re-eye the blind. Dings Dongs will be served."

chickenshititude

noun. Look deep into the eyes of a person with no balls or a pile of bird poop, and this ye shall find.

Real citation: “If I had said I was going to Santa Cruz, you would have given yourself credit for ‘changing my mind.’ Just a little more proof of your utter chickenshititude.”
(Eamon, April 22, 2003, http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/bulletproofmonk/105/1.html)

Made-up citation: "There's a lot of chickenshititude in my family. And a lot of love. And a lot of flat feet."

frakzillion

noun. A metric frakload. Or so.

Real citation: “No way dude thats mine!!! I'll give you a frakzillion dollars for it bebop!!”
(April 19, 2007, Newsarama, http://forum.newsarama.com/showthread.php?t=104204&page=176)

Made-up citation: "My favorite restaurant--Heaven on Seven--makes shrimp a frakzillion different ways. That is why I love them. But they are closed on the weekend. That is why I hate them."

creepydar

noun. The ability to detect willies-causing creeptasticness, squickage, and barf-me-outitude.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, sexual-geniusdar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, big dick-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money-dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, jailbaitdar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, dorkdar, skankdar, freak-dar, ass-dar, asshole-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, someone-is-staring-at-my-ass-dar, “Jesus Freak” dar, zombie-dar, fake-boob-dar, camel toe-dar, dogdar, catdar, ratdar.

Real citation: “I think he either knowingly, or by accident, was part of sending her on that flight. He was REALLY creepy I think. Maybe that is nothing, but I tend to listen to my creepydar when it starts to ping.”
(March 26, 2006, http://www.lost-forum.com/archive/index.php/t-33295.html)

Made-up citation: "My daughter will be raised with a honed creepydar and retractable, unbreakable claws, like Wolverine. And she'll have all the Barbies and cheeses she desires."

puh-puh-puh-puh-leeze

adv. and int. You expect me to define this? Please.

Real citation: “puh-puh-puh-puh-LEEZE be my friend!?!?!?”
(July 13, 2006, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=64854077)

Made-up citation: "The student said, 'Can I puh-puh-puh-puh-leeze squeeze my cheese?' The teacher replied, 'Yes, you may.'"

non-democraciness

noun. That odor is not the sweet stench of freedom.

Real citation: "Also, it is not our business to judge the level of 'non-democraciness' of states, especially because 'freedom of press' is among major criteria to make this judgement."
(http://www.biocrawler.com/encyclopedia/Talk:Freedom_of_the_press)

Made-up citation: "Egypt is in a state of non-democraciness. So is Mother's basement."

dickheadbutt

noun. Someone slightly less loathsome than a dickheadbuttwad.

Real citation: “I am done talking to you, dickheadbutt…”
(Pietman, June 2, 2007, Keo-co-za, http://www.keo.co.za/2007/06/01/bobs-back/)

Made-up citation: "In Canada, dickheadbutts are called hoserologists, according to the Department of Comparative Linguistics at a local university."

metric dumpload

noun. Dude, that is a LOT. 90 billion Courics!

Related terms: metric buttload, metric assload, metric arseload, metric heinie-load, metric bootyload, metric poop-load, metric poo-load, metric shitload, metric crapload, metric crudload, metric turdload, metric fuckload, metric boatload, metric truckload, metric smurfload, metric dickload, metric cockload, metric pantload, metric pantsload, metric jesus-load, metric monkeyload.

Real citation: “Get your metric dumpload of fabulousness here!”
(SortaSavageLike, June 23, 2006, The Ledge, http://ledge.fleetwoodmac.net/showthread.php?t=27517)

Made-up citation: "Words that should scare you: a metric dumpload of love."

manhoodish

adj. Having an indeterminate amount of manhood, or a questionable relationship to manhood, or a total lack of manhood.

Real citation: “But we DID have the ultimate holyday, FATHER'S DAY!!! Okay, to be honest it also was something religious based but everybody called it father's day because all fathers did something proletarian, stupid and manhoodish on this day, read: Get drunk, move to the bowling center using a small hand-held wagon full of booze and beer, go bowling, get the cart again and move to the next place where you can get even more drunk, etc. ... and all of that without any women EXCEPT for those that are going to get physical with you this day ... of course every person with balls participated, not just the real fathers!”
(Jan. 16, 2006, Your house my house, http://dragon2003.conforums2.com/index.cgi?board=Chat&action=display&num=1132870868)

Made-up citation: "My innards froth with testosterone. I belch machismo for breakfast. Don't make me perform a manhoodish display that would only disgrace our families."

assassinationologist

noun. An expert in all things killy.

Real citation: “If you want a book that will alter your prospective even if you are a hard line assassinationologist or slightly skeptical about the assassination of J.F.K then this is for you.”
(Nov. 14, 2000, http://www.amazon.co.uk/Murder-Dealy-Plaza-Didnt-About/dp/0812694228)

Made-up citation: "I was faced with only two career options: assassinationologist and assassin. Frankly speaking, I am that much of an ass."

goopification

noun. A process that covers people, stuff, and woodland critters with the primal essence of the universe: goop.

Real citation: "I agree with everything said above, and I will add that the cap must be seated properly and firmly. I'd say that 90% of the goopification that occurs with paints is usually from that. If the cap is damaged in some way or the mating surface has paint on it then you end up with goop in the bottle. When I thin paints, I usually use the manufacturer's recommended agent. That is unless I am positive about a substitute."
(MortarMagnet, July 21, 2006, http://cs.finescale.com/forums/666697/ShowPost.aspx)

Made-up citation: "My campaign stands for five principles: Unification. De-nastification. Goopification. Braindeadification. Pre-schmoopification."

peekabooblicious

adj. Mmmm....boob-tastic-osity. Boobophobes beware!

Real citation: “peekabooblicious”
(May 20, 2005, http://www.graphixanstuff.com/Forum/lofiversion/index.php?t3346-150.html)

Made-up citation: "Once again, I apologize to all earnest web surfers who seek peekabooblicious delights. All I have to offer are words and letters. But did you realize that some letters have boobs? Ever look at a B closely? Ok, so the boobs are in the wrong position--but can you say you're in the alphabet?"

whiffle-fluffer-blissed-outiest

adj. Do I seem like a bigger blogger and a larger lexicographer and a meatier man if I admit I don't know what in the name of Jesus this word is talking about? Does it just mean "yummy"?

Related terms: breakiest-outiest, chill-outiest, cop-outiest, down-and-outiest, far-outiest, freak-outiest, freaking-outiest, hangy-outiest, knock-outiest, making-outiest, old-lady-kicking-outiest, self-outiest, selling-outiest, sellingest-outiest, shout-outiest, sticky-outiest, way-outiest, worn-outiest.

Real citation: “Yes, single estate. The absence of the multiplicity of estates was as mouthwatering as the colonial occupation of India. Maybe even more so. Sao Tomé, yo, you make a mean chocolate, my native people friends. Thanks for keeping it a single estate and thanks for keeping it real all these years. Your mousse is the lightest, the fluffiest, the dreamiest, the cloudspuniest, the whiffle-fluffer-blissed-outiest. The extent to which Africa knows chocolate blows this reviewer's mind.”
(Meridith Rohana, June 3, 2006, http://www.pugbus.net/artman/publish/06032006_11_danielreview.shtml)

Made-up citation: "I snuck a look at my doctor's chart. It read: avocado... whiffle-fluffer-blissed-outiest... insurgency... scrapbook... mollusk. Should I worry?"

not-quite-so-eviltude

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

sleazetard

noun. A sleazeball from the wrong end of the bell jar. Or is that the bell curve? I'm not exactly a sleaze surgeon myself.

Real citation: “Guess what? None of them wanted it. One sleazetard agreed to buy it and then later recanted, saying to me, ‘I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet.’”
(Drew, Jan. 24, 2006, http://theplayerscomeagain.blogspot.com/2006/01/now-i-know-why-my-father-hates.html)

Made-up citation: "'All men are either sleazetards or wankers,' said my mother. 'Then I shall be a wanktard,' I vowed that day."

nano-douche-bot

noun. The little guy that's putting Massengill out of business.

Real citation: “That's Yoni, girlfriend,- -nano-douche-bot to the rescue...”
(Dec. 14, 2006, VideoSift, http://www.videosift.com/video/Woomba-Ad)

Made-up citation: "I never thought I'd live to see the nano-douche-bot. Ms. Pacman is now my second-favorite ultra-cleansing electro-feminine product."

Bepenised-European-American

adj. White male.

Real citation: “In Which I Alienate My Bepenised-European-American Readers"
(May 8, 2006, Tiny Cat Pants, http://tinycatpants.wordpress.com/2006/05/08/in-which-i-alienate-my-bepenised-european-american-readers/)

Made-up citation: "As a Bepenised-European-American, I bid you a fond good morning, between bites of white bread and sips of delicious 2% milk."

poopoopoocock

noun. An adorable dog breed--part poodle, poodle, poodle, and cocker spaniel--with a name it will never, ever live down.

Related terms: poocockapoopoo, cockapoopoopoo.

Real citation: “Or a poopoopoocock, which sounds very dirty. LOL NT”
(Feb. 6, 2007, Animal House, http://forums.jokersupdates.com/ubbthreads/showthreaded.php?Board=animalhouse&Number=5120149)

Made-up citation: "'Want to meet Mr. Wiggles, my poopoopoocock?' is not a pick-up line recommended by anybody."

buttocks-hat

noun. How "asshat" is translated in the technical journals.

Real citation: “Toadvision for 1.4 would suck. What's next, some buttocks-hat smacktard will make the wallhack for 1.4 too?”
(June 17, 2003, Vault Network, http://vnboards.ign.com/battlefield_2_general_board/b22322/51519745/p1/)

Made-up citation: "On a scale of butthole to buttocks-hat, how dumb do you think I am?"

asswadface

noun. Because "assface" just isn't enough in this day and age. Inflation, you know.

Related terms: wadface, fuckwadface.

Real citation: "The grapevine says McGrath's wanted for narcotics. Somehow I don't think he'd do well in prison. Happy St. Patty's Asswadface!"
(March 17, 2007, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=66298550)

Made-up citation: "My inner Costanza and inner asswadface frequently engage in steel cage slapfights. Why couldn't I have an inner Sean Connery and inner smurf?"

batshitism

noun. Nutso-cuckoo-ism. Or bugfuck-loonball-ism. Little of both, really.

Related terms: batshit-crazyism.

Real citation: “6 More Months Of Batshitism”
(July 20, 2006, http://www.thosefascists.com/cheese/003457.php)

Made-up citation: "My family has a history of poor judgment, flat feet, and rabid batshitism. Our end of the gene pool is a kiddie pool filled with dog pee and elephant snot."

Jeebus H. Cripes on a pogo stick

exclamation. In standard English, this can be loosely translated as "Jesus H. Christ on a crosstown bus."

Related expressions: Jeebus H. Cripes on a cracker, Jeebus H. Cripes on a popsicle stick.

Real citation: “Jeebus H Cripes on a pogo stick. You drones are so clouded to reality it’s beyond amazing.”
(March 25, 2006, Apple Matters, http://www.applematters.com/index.php/section/comments/apple_to_spit_into_apple_computer_apple_electronics/)

Made-up citation: "When the Bills pulled out a soul-crushing loss to the Cowboys a few weeks ago, I had three thoughts: 1) Jeebus H. Cripes on a pogo stick! 2) I'm glad I don't live in Buffalo anymore. 3) I wish I were a chicken wing and someone would eat me and then throw the bones to a rabid dog."

un-bride-y

adj. Lacking all traditional bridal qualities, such as beauty, grace, and X-ray vision.

Real citation: “I don't like weddings, get weddings, or understand why gals plan them way in advance either. (When I get married, I plan on eloping. I like neither wedding dressers nor jewelry, and I don't even want an engagement ring---that's how un-bride-y I am.)”
(berrieh, Oct. 6, 2007, “2-1: "SeinfeldVision" 2007.10.04,” Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3159367&view=findpost&p=8969354)

Made-up citation: "Sweetheart, you're not un-bride-y. Stop saying that. You're going to make the bestest bride ever. Now hold still while I get the duct tape. OK, Phil?"

debraify

verb. To systematically remove an over-the-shoulder boulder-holder from a woman, mannequin, cybabe, or disturbing uncle.

Real citation: “I will reiterate and agree with Kat at the same time: Ladies, if you're a 36D, debraify. (or even if you're not)”
(June 27, 2006, Dave Barry’s Blog, http://blogs.herald.com/dave_barrys_blog/2006/06/your_onestop_so.html)

Made-up citation: "A woman can debraify herself in six seconds with one hand--even while wearing a shirt, sweater, and parka. Can your fancy iPhone do that?"

fanbloodytasticlicious

adj. 1) A British alternative to fanfuckingtasticlicious. 2) Better call a doctor/acquire a bucket.

Real citation: "I watched this bloody movie three times. Tonight will be the fourth. Fanbloodytasticlicious movie."
(kuching, Dec. 20, 2006, http://i-want-catnip.blogspot.com/2006/12/kuchings-movie-reviews.html)

Made-up citation: "To lower my cholesterol, I must avoid foods that are fatty, cheesy, fanbloodytasticlicious, and good. Stab me in the brain. Please?"

mucho-crapitudinous

adj. An abundance of crap heretofore unimagined by fecalologists, encompassing about a kabillion Courics.

Real citation: “Looking for a decidedly unofficial center of downtown? You could do worse than the small square called Liberty Plaza one block from the WTC site, a few blocks north of the still-wonderfully-seedy Lower Greenwich Street (go and you ll see what we mean), right on Broadway, just south of City Hall and (more usefully, since you can t fight the former) J & R Music World, and just west of the mucho-crapitudinous Nassau Street Shopping District.”
(http://socialight.com/note/2007/7/18/cGkhz_in-liberty-we-trust)

Made-up citation: "I'm glad I make you feel safe and tingly, Eliza. However, you make me feel mucho-crapitudinous and dizzy. Also, there's a rash."

restraining-order-ish

adj. It seems romance is dead after all.

Real citation: “It can be sweet & sincerly flattering or creepy and restraining-order-ish.”
(http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rls=GWYA%2CGWYA%3A2005-21%2CGWYA%3Aen&q=%22restraining+order-ish%22)

Made-up citation: "If you've ever seen chickens make love, then you know the barnyard is as creepy and restraining-order-ish as your mom's cottage. Call the police."

motherfuckeress

noun. A motherhumper with feminine assets, such as a fortress of moistitude and boobamaphones.

Real citation: “I hugged her and smiled and gave her my card. She will sober up and regret this, but mostly, she will go home, try to use my card as a roach for a joint and then discover it's laminated with cellosheen and she will cough her washboard guts up. Row that, you weird motherfuckeress.”
(July 22, 2004, http://www.ubersite.com/m/39215)

Made-up citation: "I am so bummed out about my dating non-exploits. Where is the right motherfuckeress for me?"

henchscum

noun. A underling, assistant, or minion who is loathsome and scummy--like fried toe cheese.

Related terms: henchboobs, henchchicken, henchdoofus, henchdork, henchgoon, henchho, henchmoron, henchnoncorporeal being.

Real citation: “Neither Kerry nor his henchscum has been asked or bothered to answer any questions like this; why should they start now. This is the kind of story that if McAuliffe says anything, it will be to brag that he was right about last minute efforts by the Republican to sink Kerry, that this was a perfect example of that desperation and, therefore, didn't deserve a response. The old timey, non-cable media will all nod and move on.”
(Oct. 25, 2004, Free Republic, http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1256168/posts)

Made-up citation: "Come hither, henchscum! Fetch me a virgin and an egg roll--and don't skimp on the duck sauce."

BSKFF

acronym. Best serial killer friends forever. What, didn’t you have a high school yearbook?

Real citation: “This is where my theory breaks down though...unless Rudy is trying to get Dexter to disappear with him so they can be BSKFF.”
(bookwrm89, Dec. 12, 2006, "The Old Dexter Thread," Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3143111&view=findpost&p=6834931)

Made-up citation: "I'm pretty sure marrying your BSKFF will disqualify you from joining the FBI, though it does keep a relationship spicy."

truthinessiness

noun. Truth twice removed.

Related terms: truthinessless, truthinessy, truthinessish, truthinessology.

Real citation: “Xuitlacoche /Actually who cares if Julia Hobsbawm, daughter of the great Eric Hobsbawm said, *They want us to speak 'truthiness' to power not truth* Piss off. iness. Actually it get greatiness. What funiness 'truthinessiness' lets have more!”
(June 29, Guardian Unlimited, http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/simon_tisdall/2006/06/shouting_not_talking.html)

Made-up citation: "Just thinking about truthinessiness makes me despair. Who am I? Is a bunny a rodent? What happened to Pluto? And why is Odin so cruel..."

buttbortion

noun. 1) A rare, medically preposterous procedure. 2) A person who would make you grateful to know a buttwipe.

Related term: assbortion.

Real citation: “Are you...*gasp* saying you want me to have a buttbortion? I'm having this butt baby. I thought you would be happy.”
(Oct. 5, 2006, http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:_F9kVQXOVroJ:profile.myspace.com/index.cfm%3Ffuseaction%3Duser.viewprofile%26friendid%3D20346228+buttbortion&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us)

Made-up citation: "As a brother, you are a buttbortion. But as a lover, you are a Viking. My Viking."

Massengill bag

noun. A non-generic douchebag.

Real citation: “You are a real maggot. No, I take that back, you are a Massengill bag.”
(Eddie Felson, Jan. 16, 2006, News & Record, http://blog.news-record.com/opinion/letters/archives/2006/01/despite_resigna.shtml)

Made-up citation: "Until today, this word has never been used: Massengill-bag-in-chief. Hint: It's not about your cousin Billy."

doodoo-ology

noun. The scientific--or at least gung-ho--study of all that is doo-doo-ish and poopistical. Or a terrifying new religion that my liege Odin is not going to care for, believe me. His ravens are horrible... Hold me.

Real citation: “I wonder what religion our world will come up with next…DoodooOlogy? Well I got a laugh anyway, hehe.”
(Sept. 29, 2005, Kathy, I Kick Ass for the Lord, http://www.kickass.4everlasting.com/2005/09/28/tom-cruise-and-the-other-hollywood-idiots/)

Made-up citation: "Doodoo-ology is to buttcrackology as your mom is to my mom, said my son."

non-shitbird

noun. Ornithologists and sociologists agree: this is a noble, decent specimen who is in no way shitbirdy.

Real citation: "Zuska argues that it was the male colleague's responsibility as a non-shitbird male to call this guy out on his sexism, and that it's feminist men's responsibility in general to interpolate a feminist critique when their guy friends misspeak or misbehave."
(Lily, Jan. 30, 2007, Formal Dressage Required, http://dresseuse.blogspot.com/2007_01_01_archive.html)

Made-up citation: "You'll never think of me as a gentleman, Francesca. But could you someday think of me as a non-shitbird?"

moronwad

noun. A loathsome cousin of the biscuitwad and the smurfwad.

Real citation: “if it werent for drugs, how much good music would be out there??? god damn you biased moronwad”
(stonerboner, April 9, 2002, http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:ODvBeBT86jIJ:neovoid.org/jester/get.asp%3FM%3D11481%26P%3D11396%26T%3D11244+moronwad&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us)

Made-up citation: "When a moronwad marries a douchewad, the gene pool weeps."

celebudrunk

noun. A famous person who is moderately to severely wankered.

Related terms: celebubot, celebubrat, celebucaust, celebu-chef, celebudude, celebu-ex-con, celebufreak, celebu-gasmic, celebu-idiot, celebu-mediawhore, celebupod, celebu-rexic, celebuspawn, celebu-shambles, celebutard, celebutart, celebutot, celebuturd, celebutwin, celebu-wraith, golden celebutwit triumverate.

Real citation: " At any rate, it was that discussion that informed my view of what would have been to me just another idiot celebudrunk story."
(May 5, 2006, The Malcontent, http://malcontent.typepad.com/malcontent/2006/05/freddy_quimby_m.html)

Made-up citation: "I'm halfway toward my goal of being America's next celebudrunk. The only downside? The grain alcohol goggles. "

dedumbassify

verb. To smarten up, reversing the effects of de-edumacation and strengthening the thinkbone.

Related terms: un-dumbassify.

Real citation: “Johnson subtly picked up where Joe McCarthy left off, scaring us with “creeping communism” in Southeast Asia. It was obvious that the USSR and China were helping out the North. The superpowers were fighting each other, albeit indirectly. At least Vietnam was perceived that way which is the reason it took so long for the American people to dedumbassify.”
(Feb. 23, 2007, Freeze Frame, http://www.newhumanist.com/2007/02/dumbassification-of-america.html)

Made-up citation: "If I'm elected, I will dedumbassify our society and put a hot dog in every bun. Phase two will address social security and mass sterilization. Then I'll nap with my binkie."

Odin-tastic

adj. Fantastically having something to do with the one true God: Mr. Odin. I'm telling you, Norse is the way to go, people.

Real citation: “Plus I just got the latest Manowar album. True metal Odin-tastic!”
(July 20, 2007, http://greynolds.livejournal.com/)

Made-up citation: "Wednesday is the most Odin-tastic day of the week, because on a Wednesday long, long ago, Odin humped 59 trolls in 12 minutes. Now that's a deity."

bescrotumed

adj. It's a boy! Or a truck with bumper nuts.

Real citation: “But all that combined with the knowledge that these figures were riding in a bescrotumed truck, well, it's just too much.”
(June 28, 2006, dreadcrumbs, http://www.dreadcrumbs.com/2006/06/index.html)

Made-up citation: "Sigh. I am bedeviled with problems. I am also bescrotumed with parasites. Alas!"

crotchfruitish

adj. If you regularly use words like hootchie-wad and poop-stick, this may apply to you. Also if there are Spaghettio's on your bib.

Related term: great-grand-crotchfruit.

Real citation: “Ok, it's very childish (crotchfruitish?) of me. But it's too funny not to spread around. And Mondays are always long days.”
(Jan. 23, 2006, http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.listAll&friendID=4298898&startID=86540494&StartPostedDate=2006-02-10%2017:27:00&next=1&page=2&Mytoken=D81E1434-1D1E-4041-83EE9F5754FF277B97568616)

Made-up citation: "Oh yeah? Well, maybe I am crotchfruitish, but so's your mother's face. You're a real pain in the Charlie Browns."

nipplitudinous

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reach-around-y

adj. That's just called polite where I come from.

Real citation: “Was it a conspiracy? I doubt it (that would require too much competence), but it's something close. A little to reach-around-y, if you know what I mean.”
(April 13, 2006, The Cocklebur Blog, http://aimnewmedia.net/charalambous/forum/viewtopic.php?forum=1&showtopic=11106&show=10&page=7)

Made-up citation: "When writing your wedding vows, we encourage creativity but don't recommend words like 'reach-around-y' and 'Satan-in-law'."

megastitious

noun. This describes you if black cats and other evil portents give you the heebie-jeebies, the creeps, an ulcer, and the wiggins. Boooooooo!

Related term: stitious.

Real citation: “My mom's not just superstitious, she's megastitious. She's emailed my sister and I this chain mail today. My sister has multiple email accounts so mom emails it to her many mnay times...so she gets enough people in so she doesn't end up having bad luck forever, or whatever. Anyway, I thought this one was very funny and had to share.”
(Sept. 3, 2007, Post Punk Kitchen, http://www.postpunkkitchen.com/forum/viewtopic.php?pid=682545)

Made-up citation: "Despite my atheistic ways, I can be megastitious. If you gave me thirteen cupcakes made of gold and rainbows, I think I'd run the other way."

scumbagliness

noun. They invented a word just for your mom! That’s got to hurt.

Real citation: “While Grade-B Scumbag Ted Haggard is featured in the film, and gives rather dubious advice to Levi, the aspiring minister, he’s quite fortunately not the focus of the film. The focus is generally on Becky Fisher, the leader of the camp, and several of the camp’s attendees. Had it focused more on the pre-exposed Haggard, it’d have been a colossal waste of time, because Haggard is the same obvious hypocrite, yesterday, today, and forever. (This clip from “The Root of All Evil” of Haggard Lecturing Richard Dawkins about "intellectual arrogance" is a potent demonstration of Haggard’s scumbagliness and inherent dishonesty (gay prostitution, infidelity, and methamphetamines aside… it’s impossible for Haggard to be “intellectually arrogant” because he’s lacking any semblance of actual intellectualism.)”
(Dec. 19, 2006, Outchurched, http://outchurched.com/2006/12/19/jesus-camp-one-punk-under-god.html)

Made-up citation: "A new study shows scumbagliness is highly correlated with douchebagliness. Research on bags of all sorts is ongoing."

buttcrackology

noun. The study of deep, penetrating issues pertaining to the corpus callosum of your tush.

Real citation: “When it comes to sexual taboos however, it becomes a test of tolerance. ‘I don't like seeing a woman's butt crack’ begats ‘Eeeegads! In certain cultures the butt-crack is a symbol of unity and peace! I'm perfectly happy with ass crack!’ which inspires ‘Jesus made you hate buttcracks! Go back to your monastery! I lovez me some buttcracks and have a Phd..in buttcrackology!’ which invites ‘Buttcracks have a right to be seen. Don't like it? Go to another country!’”
(Spackling Compound, Aug. 22, 2005, http://forums.comicbookresources.com/showthread.php?t=75365&page=22)

Made-up citation: "If someone is smart enough to go to medical school and become a proctologist, shouldn't they be smart enough to go to medical school and not become a proctologist? Or was the siren song of buttcrackology just too compelling?"

uncleplucker

noun. An unclefucker who is suitable for all audiences--and may be a chicken.

Real citation: “Listen here uncleplucker!”
(May 28, 2007, The Student Room, http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=397593&page=2)

Made-up citation: "One man's uncleplucker is another's monkey's uncle, according to my aunt."

rapture-o-matic

noun. A handy tool--like a can-opener for armageddon.

Real citation: “The Rapture-o-matic now fully automated on auto-pilot veering dangerously to the right coming soon to a nation near you”
(Aug. 9, 2007, firedoglake, http://www.firedoglake.com/2007/08/09/one-thing-voters-agree-on/)

Made-up citation: "One-day sale! For true believers: rapture-o-matics and harps. For the damned: big axes and duct tape for the apocalyptic showdown."

teleprompterrific

adj. Embodying neither the spontaneity of a puppy nor the eloquence of a poet.

Real citation: “need to cleanse your palate after bush's drivelicious teleprompterrific state of the union lie-fest?”
(Jan. 31, 2006, ultranow, http://ultranow.typepad.com/ultranow/spelling_bees/index.html)

Made-up citation: "My halting, insincere, teleprompterrific speaking style has impeded both my personal life and promising career as a spokesfuckhead."

nano-bionic-whateverization

noun. A tiny, shiny process that creates fembotty warriors, small batteries, and microscopic lifeforms that, even now, are playing capture the flag inside your brain!

Real citation: “And in what universe would the girlfriend of one of the scientists ever be a candidate for nano-bionic-Whateverization? 'Plot-device-ocytes', hee! Dr. Boyfriend came through so completely unscathed, I was sure he and Starbot had cooked up the plan together.”
(Sandman, “1-1: "Second Chances" 2007.09.26,” Sept. 27, 2007, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3159429&view=findpost&p=8897517)

Made-up citation: "The same nano-bionic-whateverization process Starbucks uses to brew your coffee can now be used to brew your soul. By brew, I mean harvest. Mmm....raspberry mocha soul."

doofuslet

noun. A diminutive doofus--or doofus-in-training--who has not yet bloomed into full doofushood.

Real citation: “Thanks to everybody for the comments re: the infestation of my future mother-in-law's computer. Now I don't feel like such a doofus -- maybe just a doofuslet.”
(Kim, Jan. 10, 2005, Ramble Strip, http://www.ramblestrip.com/blog/2005/01/caribooooooooo.html)

Made-up citation: "Honey...so what if our first begotten son is a dim doofuslet? The next product of our loins shall rule the world with an iron fist and a dinosaur army! I already picked out his first bunker."

cockapoopoopoo

noun. One part cock, three parts poo. I’m speaking of cocker spaniels and poodles--obviously!--so get your mind, body, and soul out of the gutter, before it's too late.

Related terms: poocockapoopoo, poopoopoocock.

Real citation: “Awwww, but if she's 3/4 poodle it should be a cockapoopoopoo. NT”
(Feb. 5, 2007, Animal House, http://forums.jokersupdates.com/ubbthreads/showthreaded.php?Board=animalhouse&Number=5117968)

Made-up citation: "Please adopt these cockapoopoopoo puppies, who are so ashamed of their breed. Give them a home and tell them they're beagles or big hamsters."

fish-ish-y

noun. It's like fish. Sorta fishish. Maybe even fishy. But is it fish? This is a paradox worthy of a Zen master or deranged fishmonger.

Real citation: “Bigfoot could be an ancestral whale. I mean, how much evidence do we have, you know? Lots, yes, but enough to classify the thing(s) already? Bats look kinda birdish-y, but they AIN’T BIRDS. Whales (speaking of Bigfoot;-) ) look kinda fish-ish-y. BUT THEY AIN’T FISH.”
(May 19, 2006, Cryptomundo, http://www.cryptomundo.com/cryptozoo-news/hominx/#comment-5030)

Made-up citation: "Thankfully, the salmon in this morning's bagel and lox could not be described as fish-ish-y or lame. It moved me, and I don't just mean my bowels. Thank you, Odin, for my succulent salmon, this sweet merciful fish, who must have swam downstream from heaven. Or Valhalla, whatever."

fuckpork

noun. Tender hearts and minds may prefer a more tasteful alternative such as "sex pig" or "fornication swine."

Real citation: “i went for a haircut, and it was terrible i practically screamed and glared at the fuckpork who destroyed my hair, only to come out weeping like an idiot.”
(Jan. 9, 2006, http://tanmeili.blogspot.com/2006/01/if.html)

Made-up citation: "According to linguists, zoologists, and sex columnists, a 'drooling fuckpork'--as they say in the tristate region--has not necessarily known a hog Biblically."

awwwwwww-itude

noun. Cuteness on a level heretofore unimagined; an abundance of cutesiness that can hardly be comprehended. Warning: May involve a cuteaggedon.

Real citation: “Also, the two younger kids, played by alien-like child actors Spencer and Abigail Breslin, are sitcom kids, supplying tart rejoinders and awwwwwww-itude respectively (older sister, played by Hayden Panettiere, isn't much better, but at least her character's grounded in some level of reality).”
(May 11, 2004, http://www.opal-films.com/filmdribble/index.blog/309207/raising-helen-12/)

Made-up citation: "When Lucy the 4-pound min pin puppy tried repeatedly (and failed repeatedly) to grab a tennis ball with her mouth, the sheer awwwwwww-itude left onlookers with brain-melting cutegasms of joy."

non-batshitly

adverb. Done with a totally un-cuckooburger-type flair.

Related terms: batshit loony, batshit whacko, batshit insane, batshit nutty, batshit nutso, batshit-deranged, super-batshit-insane, pre-batshit-insane, completely-fucking-batshit-insane, batshit-fucking-crazy, batshit-sounding, non-batshit, pre-batshit, anti-batshit, batshittery, batshititude, batshitologist, batshitometer, holy batshit, batcrap, batpoop, batfuck.

Real citation: “Also, can I non-batshitly recommend a book to you? It's called Blue Like Jazz...the guy has the same problems with Christianity as I do and is absolutely hilarious to read.”
(June 19, 2007, http://undying-rose17.livejournal.com/315986.html)

Made-up citation: "There's just no way to non-batshitly recite a sincere ode to your mom, the Jesus, and some leprechauns. However, I applaud the effort."

dumbiotic

adj. Not characteristic of the most Harvard-bound knife in the drawer.

Related term: dumbotic, dumbolic.

Real citation: “Thats just dumbiotic ..No need for energy drinks..they taste like crap if you have good health. If your body is weak and ruined than you probably wont mind drinking crap. Those who are healthy do mind what they drink.
(Aug. 29, 2007, http://www.gamespot.com/pages/forums/show_msgs.php?topic_id=25884643&page=1)

Made-up citation: "Buy my new DVD: Women are Lesbionic, Men are Dumbiotic: Why Deathbots Will Inherit the Earth."

psychostache

noun. A disturbing collection of hair between the nose and lip.

Real citation: “PsychoStache”
(Aug. 19, 2007, http://flickr.com/search/?q=psychostache&w=73601817%40N00)

Made-up citation: "How did you know I was the culprit? Was it my psychostache? Or did the dungeon of virgins tip you off?"

polterdog

noun. A pooch who slobbers ectoplasm! Booooooo! Arf-arf! Barf!

Real citation: “I think you might have a polterdog...They are similar to poltergiests, you know take things, move things around-but polterdogs also chew things up--i would look into polterdogs before blaming an innocent pup!...”
(Oct. 1, 2006. Dogster Forums, http://www.dogster.com/forums/Behavior_and_Training/thread/351465)

Made-up citation: "Could my dog's inexplicable bow-wowing be directed at an invisible, sinister polterdog? Oh, it's just his reflection in the window. Doh! "

skankamaphone

noun. A skanky...phone? My expertise has limits.

Related term: boobamaphone.

Real citation : “skankamaphone is a word in my world. yup yup. it's my favoritest invention ever. someday it shall be in the dictionary...maybe.”
(wonkykitten, April 5, 2002, deviantART, http://cucumber110.deviantart.com/)

Made-up citation: "I love Emily Dickinson. My favorite poem is the one where she rhymes 'skankamaphone' and 'sardonica bone.' What do you mean that sounds like all of her poems?"

ballsacectomy

noun. Balls go bye-bye! No more wrinklies for you, cowboy.

Real citation: “kitty is away at the vet's for a couple of days, getting a checkup on his injuries and a ballsac-ectomy.”
(May 23, 2007, Quiver of Eros, http://quiveroferos.blogspot.com/2007/05/rococo-bits.html)

Made-up citation: "Thank you for applying to be a member of the Democratic party. Please walk this way, and we'll provide you with a mandatory ballsacectomy and a complimentary hat."

hobbitcest

noun. What happens when there are two consenting hobbits and no limits.

Real citation: “Interests: 32: aft, afting, ass full throttle, bath tubs, berries n' cream, butterflies, candles, crying, hard thrusting!, hobbit sex, hobbitcest..."
(http://sweet-pip.livejournal.com/profile)

Made-up citation: "If I'm elected, I will oppose all forms of filth and perversion, including hobbitcest and men who don't wash their hands after peeing."

jackassometer

noun. A device bigger or smaller than a breadbox that's quite handy, perhaps even essential, in detecting jackassy behavior and lifeforms.

Real citation: “Captain Atom. I got my hands on some Armageddon Annuals from 1991 and really got the feeling that Monarch coulda been somebody. He could bena contendah! But, they made him Hawk instead. Hawk, a character on the same level as Guy Gardner on the Jackassometer. But, who knows, maybe they'll do a hypertime where Monarch is revealed to be Captain Atom.”
(Justin M. Campbell, Jan. 30, 2004, http://forum.newsarama.com/archive/index.php/t-8601.html)

Made-up citation: "Items that are useful in cities: smoothie maker, stun gun, portable jackassometer, cruelty-free ball-waxer, pocket-size weapon of mass destruction."

craptacular-ish

noun. When "crappy" isn't crappy enough to cover the metric crapload of crapitudinous poopy-plops.

Related terms: craptasticish.

Real citation: “Actually we did meet up when we exchanged Yearbooks. I think we both had craptacular-ish days, and pictures completely slipped my mind!”
(Oct. 21, 2006, Freshmen Message Board, http://www.freshmencomic.com/messageboard/viewtopic.php?t=948&sid=2e923820bae5a3f61386e707cd58535f)

Made-up citation: "You say, 'Totally craptacular-ish.' I say, 'That's my sister!'"

Christwad

noun. A Christian who is a wad. What are the chances!

Real citation: “I happen to agree with this statement. But don't tell any dopey Christwad it's "just a tree" that we could all do fine with or without.”
(Dec. 13, 2006, http://forums.thestranger.com/showpost.php?p=28696&postcount=20)

Made-up citation: "I wouldn't date a Christwad or Allahwad. However, I am open to selected romantic overtures from Jew-wads, Buddhawads, spiritualwads, and Odinwads."

cat-bepooped

adj. Dee-licious! According to my dog.

Related terms: pigeon-bepooped.

Real citation: “At least the local news guy has to leave his desk. The cat-bepooped drifter's opinion may not be more valuable, but I appreciate the effort. The fact that the US's de facto newspaper of record, the Washington Post, quotes Amazon reviews is yet another thing to add to the Proof of Civilization's Decline list. But the McRib is back, so it's not all bad.”
(Jan. 12, 2005, http://www.trackpads.com/forum/1592040-post8.html)

Made-up citation: "This beer is amazing. Let's look at the label: Crisp hoppiness. Musty sweetness. Triple-fermented. Subtly cat-bepooped. Robustly grandmother-scented."

tamponistic

adj. PMS-propelled.

Real citation: “I had thought of that already, but it's was too late. I saw that the PS3 had a limited edition. Oblivion has been keeping me occupied on my PS3 lately. I didn't mean to come off as Tamponistic, I just miss my 360 and and my normal droogs that I hang with.”
(May 3, 2007, Video Game Forums, http://www.video-game-forums.com/action-shooter-game-discussion/59295-spider-man-3-360-a-4.html)

Made-up citation: "A new study reveals that men are just as tamponistic as women. The genius of men is we do it without the tampon. The genius of women is that they don't kill the men, lop off our heads, scoop out the brains, and eat ice cream out of our skulls."

buttily challenged

adj. Not blessed in the assticular region.

Real citation: “As you know I am buttily challenged, so I'm gonna say no.”
(http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070429113529AA6nW4E&show=7)

Made-up citation: "Discrimination against the buttily challenged goes against everything this country stands for: truth, justice, and the bootylicious way."

fetal positiony

adj. Don’t mind me. I’m just crawled up in this little ball, not bothering anyone…

Real citation: “I'm not sure how I feel about this...Apparently I am quite antisocial and have the sleeping characteristics of intestines. Not exactly how I'd describe myself. Plus when I sleep I am all stretched out and these people are all fetal positiony.”
(June 2, 2006, cheeky geek, http://cheeky-geek.livejournal.com/)

Made-up citation: "Biff, how are we going to have sexy intercourse if you stay all fetal positiony? And why are you weeping?"

crotchdar

noun. A honed skill, razor-sharp, that leads one's nose to groiny nether-regions and wonderlands.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, sexual-geniusdar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, big dick-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money-dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, jailbaitdar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, dorkdar, skankdar, freak-dar, ass-dar, asshole-dar, asshat-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, someone-is-staring-at-my-ass-dar, “Jesus Freak” dar, zombie-dar, fake-boob-dar, dogdar, catdar, ratdar, camel toe-dar.

Real citation: “lol Scorp I know exactly what you mean..i call it crotchdar. Even if i don't wanna see it, if its there and its obvious i will look.”
(May 8, 2007, http://www.hiphoppoetry.com/vB/showthread.php?t=32828&page=7)

Made-up citation: "If God didn't want us to people the earth, he wouldn't have given us alcohol. Or crotchdar."

non-fuckbot

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turdfacehead

noun. A turdface? Not quite. A turdhead? Almost. A facehead? Get real.

Real citation: “Hi. I miss yer turdfacehead.”
(June 26, 2007, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=18021624)

Made-up citation: "I am not the turdfacehead, sir. Your face is the turdfacehead. And I slept with your wife."

home-bonership

noun. The pride and throbbing joy of shitting where you eat. Er...owning where you live. Or having a boner where you live. In any case, the issue of boner ownership is straining America's moral fiber and pants.

Related terms: bonership society.

Real citation: “Got the homestead paperworks filed, which marks the last stamp on home-bonership. We can now safely file taxes next year. Next step? Driver's licenses. (Maybe this time I won't wear a turtleneck)”
(Nov. 24, 2004, http://happychristmasbaby.blogspot.com/2004/11/masochistic-turkey.html)

Made-up citation: "My goals are simple: fatherhood, home-bonership, and eating a ball of cheese the size of my head."

Fortress of Moistitude

noun. Va-jay-jay.

Related terms: Fortress of Placentatude.

Real citation: “He's getting into her Fortress of Moistitude.”
(Oct. 18, 2005, Defamer, http://defamer.com/hollywood/warner-bros/this-week-on-smallville-clark-gets-to-third-base-208567.php)

Made-up citation: "If you've arrived at this website yearning for images of boobamaphones and an occasional Fortress of Moistitude, I'm very sorry."

squickliness

noun. Like otherworldliness, but the other worlds are replaced with buckets of ewwwwwwww.

Real citation: “The proposed unit of Squickliness is the milliWinger, named for furry artist Doug Winger. An alternative unit is the Shudder, equal to the number of milliseconds the victim shudders after encountering the squick-inducing image or concept.”
(WikiFur, http://furry.wikia.com/wiki/Squick)

Made-up citation: "Squickliness is in the eye of the beholder, according to the skullfucker."

golden celebutwit triumvirate

noun. Paris, Lindsay, and Britney. The celebubot laureates of the 21st century.

Real citation: “Completing the Golden Celebutwit Triumvirate, the Lindsay Lohan report:”
(Feb. 2, 2007, http://www.azcentral.com/blogs/index.php?blog=182&m=2007&w=4)

Made-up citation: The golden celebutwit triumvirate is competing against the holy trinity of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit tonight on Fox. The outcome of the drinking contest is a no-brainer, but we're expecting intense competition in lacrosse."

Jeebusology

noun. The scientific--or at least enthusiastic--study of Jeebus.

Real citation: “If you deny this Jeebusology is not a religion than you're saying it's a cult.”
(April 7, 2007, Church of Jeebus, http://churchofjeebus.com/worship/index.php?topic=12.60)

Made-up citation: "Christianity asks, 'What would Jesus do?' Jeebusology asks, 'Is our children learning?'"

conjugal-visit-interruptus

noun. For the jailed, this metaphorical shiv might be the sharpest of all.

Real citation: “Although I found the whole conjugal-visit-interruptus funny, I seriously do not need to see the two of them having sex again. Ever. That was really an "OH MY EYES!" experience for me.”
(bahamarita, Aug. 2, 2006, “Rescue Me,” Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3130552&view=findpost&p=5767343)

Made-up citation: "Many problems plague our prisons. Conjugal-visit-interruptus and inadequate art classes are not high on the list."

samurailicious

adj. Mmm...feudal-Japanese-warrior-gasmic.

Real citation: “Yoshi is putting the 'samurai' back into 'samurailicious'.”
(April 30, 2004, Grouse Archive, http://grouse.net.au/sites/archive.php?a_month=4&a_year=2004)

Made-up citation: "Friends describe me as erudite, worldly, samurailicious, pungent."

gone-to-the-darksidey

adj. Evil government robo-monkeys weren't always so evil, governmental, robotic, and simian. As they slowly slipped on the abyss' banana peels of doom, this adjective may have been used to trace their terrifying descent.

Real citation: “Even if you love All Things Potter, it's hard not to be tired of Harry Hype. Obviously, it's not Harry Potter's fault that his bespectacled face is everywhere you turn, on every tv screen, book- and toy-store window. He's only 11. And fictional. And, sadly, so's the Evil One Who Shall Not Be Named And Who Gave Harry the Lightning Bolt Scar And Killed His Parents, that gone-to-the-darksidey wizard named Voldemort.”
(Cynthia Fuchs, PopPolitics, http://www.poppolitics.com/articles/2001/11/19/The-Harry-Hype)

Made-up citation: "Ignore my black clothing and new, gone-to-the-darksidey, British accent. That's not blood on my hands; it's boogers on your brain!"

un-starletish

adj. Used to describe conduct unbecoming a ferret. Or a starlet, if you're picky.

Real citation: “I like it, although it's kind of un-starletish.”
(Feb. 16, 2006, Sway Forum, http://www.swayforum.com/viewtopic.php?p=21466&sid=c0ce57e167abc46a3837106b24911a8c)

Made-up citation: "My daughter is un-starletish; that's true. But at least my son is un-multiple-felon-ish, for the moment."

crapocaust

noun. A crapfestacular disaster of poopitudinous proportions.

Real citation: “Cannibal Crapocaust…Err, Holocaust”
(June 25, 2006, http://www.samwilkinson.org/2006/06/25/cannibal-crapocausterr-holocaust/)

Made-up citation: "When you leave the bathroom, all that remains is a crapocaust fit for neither man nor beast nor bot. When I leave the john? All is minty and springtime and puppies and songs by Blondie and Elastica, along with heavenly apparitions."

resuckified

adj. To restore a situation or doowhackey to its proper suckful state--in the metaphorical or golf-ball-through-a-firehose sense.

Real citation: “Well, We Somewhat Resuckified”
(May 11, 2003, Nerdland.net, http://www.nerdland.net/news/archive.php?date=2003-05-11)

Made-up citation: "Our love lasted decades, until one day, it came up turds. Then we rekindled our passion, but slowly it resuckified. When she mashed my knee with a cinder block, I knew it was over."

pseudo-creepo

adj. I'm sort of getting the willies, the heebie-jeebies, and the wiggins, due to a semi-ewwww-provoking fooziewhatsit.

Related terms: Greco-creepo.

Real citation: “who is taking all the pseudo-creepo wannabe-booty shots of the jesus girl??? something just don’t sit well with this one.”
(March 19, 2007, The Bastardly, http://www.bastardly.com/archives/2007/03/19/bastardly-lady-of-the-day-kasey/3/)

Made-up citation: "A priest licking a squirrel's nuts is pseudo-creepo. A priest licking an altar boy's nuts is mega-creepo. A priest licking his own nuts? That's a hero."

stepshithead

noun. A non-biological relative with a pu pu platter instead of a corpus collosum.

Real citation: “Like Kateri, I think that there would be more fathers than shitheads (and as a child of a shithead and stepshithead, I feel that this would help keep the shitheads out of the kids lives). Can you imagine the positive influences REAL men, fathers, would have on the development of the children?”
(April 3, 2006, http://wetfeet.typepad.com/wet_feet/2006/04/more_marriage_t.html#comment-15739256)

Made-up citation: "My parents never divorced, so I've been deprived of the pleasures of stepshitheads. All my neuroses are undiluted, weapons-grade, DNA-soaked, straight from the source."

douchebagectomy

noun. The removal--by surgery or shooing--of an individual with douchebaggy tendencies.

Real citation: “Absolutely. I'd be surprised if all the members were in on this caper. Their website shows 9 members, so that would be a haul of $1.66 or so per member, if they were all aware. I haven't kept track of the membership in Midnight Traffic, but it seems they've had a douche in their midst since pretty much the beginning. From weird sour grapes crap and shitty comments on here about other bands, to this mess... I think the members of Midnight Traffic need to get together and clean house. They need to perform a douchebagectomy and toss the member or members that put them in this drama all the time."
(Sept. 18, 2006, http://chautauquaamp.com/index.php?content=forum&topic=Thank%20You!&page=forum)

Made-up citation: "Whether you call it an impeachment hearing, a douchebagectomy, or a national colon-cleanse, it's time to do something about Captain Kangaroo--er, make that Commander Cuckoo-Bananas."

haddock-smacked

adj. A fishy form of gobsmacked.

Real citation: “Not a shining testimonial to the intellectual acuity of our ruling class. Unless you've actually served on a jury, you have no insight into the thought processes of the jury that can be formulated from watching on TV or sitting in the courtroom, no matter how well you think you can decode facial expressions, hand fidgets, coughs, nervous laughter. Just remember how the consensus view of the trial watchers was that Martha Stewart would be acquitted--when the verdict was announced, all those legal pundits looked as if they had been haddock-smacked. Still, I would have thought Murdoch was smarter than to fall for Steyn's wishful ebullience.”
(James Wolcott, July 21, 2007, http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/blogs/wolcott/2007/07/as-memory-serve.html)

Made-up citation: "I was absolutely haddock-smacked as I watched Jed the shih-tzu drag his post-poop ass along the sidewalk, making the pavement his personal toilet paper. Thank you, Odin, for this window into our evolutionary past!"

jitterwank

noun. Not sure what this means, but you should wash your hands afterwards, just to be safe.

Real citation: “Not to mention the possible situations: public wanking! Shower wanking! Prefect's bathroom wanking! Dormitory wank! Wankcest! Lessons in wankology! Broomstick wankage. Wandwank. Pre-Quidditch jitterwank. Detention wank.”
(“The Harry Potter Wankathon,” http://community.livejournal.com/hp_wankathon/profile)

Made-up citation: "You children should never take candy from strangers or respond to online ads for jitterwankers. They also should avoid licking nuclear weapons without parental supervision."

poopitudinous

adj. Because at just two syllables, "poopy" doesn't quite fill the toilet bowl. Or mouth. Ew.

Real citation: “When you suspect all your toadies are in place and all your schemes are ready to be put in to action, then and mostly then is it time to wet your short pants in terror as I drop from the heavens like God's righteous stool to vanquish each and every one of you -- except of course for Jen, who sought lo but to talk sense into those who would not know of sense were they to take sense into components and reassemble sense so as to know of every interaction of the organs of sense and STILL they would not know of sense, and so while logic and proportion may to them fall softly dead I appreciate the efforts and spare any of the aforeandstillandforawhiletobementioned doomery and agoniziation from besmirching her -- but the rest of you nematodes better learn to breathe the black breath of blood as there is nothing left for your or your daemonic cult but the most poopitudinous of poopery! Writhe in the diaper pail of your shame!”
(Darren, Feb. 11, 2007, http://tribes.tribe.net/darrenbaulermustdie/thread/ec2955c6-fc65-4473-8cfd-c36cdbbfd30f)

Made-up citation: "At 4-6 dumps a day, my dog is poopitudinous indeed. However, in a pooping competition, his tiny, ladylike poops would be dwarfed by the mega-asteroids launched into space by larger canines."

flip-flopology

noun. The scientific study of spineless wonders such as jellyfish, fish out of water, politicians, hedgehog cacti, and uncooked hot dogs.

Real citation: “Lucky for us all, I've located a man who calls himself ‘a serious student of flip-flopology.’ He's Edward Tenner, of Plainsboro, N.J., and, quite possibly, the nation's pre-eminent author on the subject.”
(Ellen Warren, June 2, 2005, Chicago Tribune, http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/shopping_ellen_warren/2005/06/the_sole_of_sum.html)

Made-up citation: "A smart scientist at a local research university said the new Department of Flip-flopology is sure to win large grants and lure bright students. Then again..."

homicidal maniac-y

adj. Roughly equivalent to "delicate-genius-y." At least that's what the scout leader of the death cult said during snack time...

Real citation: “"Yeah, the Scarecrow already said that." The blonde Slayer glowered at her two ex-Watchers, hands planted firmly on her hips. "Let me get this straight. You want me to forget that I saw Faith run a stake through the Deputy Mayor, not to mention all the things she did to me, my friends, and my family, just so she can get out of jail and --what?--continue her homicidal maniac-y ways across the country?"”
("Watching and Waiting Parts 3 and 4," http://members.fortunecity.com/rdhnp/id120.htm)

Made-up citation: "You say 'homicidal maniac-y;' I say 'homicidal sweetheart-y.'"

brainfrak

noun. A mindfuck with a Battlestar Galactica twist. Mind the Cylons!

Real citation: “Any anime nerd worth their weight in Pocky has seen Evangelion, the prototypical brainfrak anime that fans cite when they want to show how much deeper Japanese fare is than, say, Jackie Chan Adventures. Now you can get your own NERV-inspired mouse, complete with NERV leaf, red laser glow and Apple-ish design.”
(Jason Chen, Feb. 14, 2007, Gizmodo, http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/anime/)

Made-up citation: "How many branfraks must a man endure before you can call him a neurodoublefucked nitwit?"

non-bunghole

adj. Completely lacking--we promise--all bungholiness. Buttmunchiness is another story.

Real citation: “what is the compound? Can you get it in non-bunghole formula?”
(July 18, 2007, Anabolic Review, http://forums.steroid.com/showthread.php?t=308770)

Made-up citation: "Caution: Non-bunghole breath mints are not recommended for use in the bunghole region or during pregnancy."

rich-himbo-wannabe

noun. The invented a word for me! Don't hate me for my buns of steel, abs of rock, wads of cash, and brains of steel. Did I already use "steel"?

Real citation: “They just get in line and take a number. Then it's "Who's doin' (insert rich-himbo-wannabe name here) this week?”
(Nov. 8, 2006, Daily Blabber, http://dailyblabber.ivillage.com/entertainment/archives/2006/11/hiltons_v_olsens_take_two.html)

Made-up citation: "If God had wanted rich-himbo-wannabes to inherit the earth, he would've rained gasoline, lit a match, and farted."

quasi-incesterrific

adj. Mmmm…smell the semi-incest-tastic-ness.

Real citation: “Like everyone else, I suspected something was up with Johnny the moment I saw that Dean Winters had been added to the main credits. Then the hints about Janet's new boyfriend sealed the deal. That, plus Deer/Maggie are a bit too quasi-incesterrific for me, but I can deal if it means more Shirtless!Dean. Mmm, yes.”
(wisteria, “Rescue Me,” May 30, 2006, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3130552&view=findpost&p=5378201)

Made-up citation: "If you're looking for quasi-incesterrific headgames and a bottomless cup of crack, then you can lean on me, Winston."

blow-uppiness

noun. Kaboomboominess!

Real citation: “The camera guy, meanwhile, has turned up at the same time, and he's been up on ladders, ascertaining the extent of the blow-uppiness of my cameras, which have, remember, been down since FRIDAY NIGHT, and it's now 11am MONDAY.“
(March 29, 2007, http://crankywen.livejournal.com/28220.html)

Made-up citation: "My favorite part of fighting crime? Maximizing the blow-uppiness of lowlifes and thugs."