Thursday, May 31, 2007

Short-Shorts Von Buttcheeken

noun. A short-shorted person--short-shorted to the point of bottomless.

Real citation: “Now, it's certainly possible that Short-Shorts Von Buttcheeken was making statement about subverting the assumptions of the patriarchal gaze. I would not give it long odds, but it's possible. But whether she's doing that or she just thought the shorts looked hot, she's going to come across people like myself, and I'm not disgusted with the female form, I hate the 'slut' appellation and fight it on all fronts, and I don't particularly care whether this kid walks past my boyfriend in a thong or a wedding gown or what, but I do think that the butt is best enjoyed privately.”
(Sars, May 26, 2007, Tomato Nation,

Made-up citation: "In the old days, the NBA consisted of nothing but Short-Shorts Von Buttcheekens."


noun. A somewhat redundant and romantic science.

Real citation: “Leave it to the japanese to lead the vanguard in robodildonics: Yes, it is what you think it is... (That's $340.00 if you're curious)...”
(Nov. 22, 2005,

Made-up citation: "According to local robodildonics researchers, meeting women is easy."

Wednesday, May 30, 2007


noun. The inverse of a breathwad (a much rarer, more confusing entity).

Real citation: “you sir are a ungratefull slug. do you know why ur sister wansts to do this? its not that she loves your parents more than you wadhead. its casue when she kisses her son she now understands what her parents meant for her and you. Its her son that makes her relize how priceless your parents are. BBYou cheap bastard by your vocabulary i know ur not some bum so you do have the money or at least a way of getting it. ITS NOT ABOUT U WADBREATH but when ur bury your parents then it will hit home what a masterpeice of a son you WERE NOT! you will spend tenfold on the therapy alone to try to come to terms with the guilt you will earn for being a cheap bastard. Have a nice day cool blog tho :)”
(Sept. 10, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I have a dog, so I loathe bikers on the sidewalk. I dream of yelling at them, 'What the matter, wadbreath? Is the street too scary?'"

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


adj. Describes a sad state endured by women, many dogs, most men, and some cars (that lack bumper nuts).

Real citation: "Our spy in the JMCS camp continues to keep us abreast of scandalous goings-on in clubland. This time it transpires that at the most recent SMC annual dinner, the honoured guest from the junior club was - you've guessed it - of the non-betesticled variety."
(The Angry Corrie, No. 5, Jan/Feb. 1992,

Made-up citation: "My non-betesticled dog isn't non-hump-happy; he's joined in 6 three-way humps and 471 traditional pairings in just the last month."


noun. An enthusiastic reaction to a voice that doesn't sound like mine, which is lame, American, and car-salesman-ish.

Real citation: "OH! I was so teased by the Desmond/Sayid scene! I have longed for a conversation between those two (if only for the pretty and the accentgasm)."
(wildcat05, "3-19: "The Brig" 2007.05.02," May 2, 2007, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Women get the short end of the dildo in many areas, but they are known to have more accentgasms."

Monday, May 28, 2007


noun. A male, Shakespearian ho.

Real citation: “I still think you’re a man-strumpet.”
(Sept. 25, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Did you just call me a man-strumpet or a muppet? And should I be offended either way?"


noun. A kavorka-infused love cowboy who leaves no stone unturned, no cookie uncrumbled, no panties dry.

Real citation: “The 4 of us stayed in room 107 of Gilligan's Hostel in Cairns for a couple of weeks. Left to right: Sebastien from Germany. Nickname(s) included Seba, Veron, Kraut, and Herman Ze German. Alex Woolf from London. Nickname(s) were plain old Woolfy and lightweight. Me. Nickname(s) Sexy Beast and The Moistenator. Shaun from Brisbane. Nickname(s) Brisie, Wrong Spelt Shaun and Arnie.”
(Alan M, June 2, 2006,

Made-up citation: "America still stays up all night writing love letters to much-missed moistener-in-chief Bill Clinton."

Sunday, May 27, 2007

visit Feakle parish

verb phrase. Have anal sex.

Real citation: “I’m thinking ‘Feakle parish’ needs to enter the lexicon with lower-case santorum. I shall now use it in a sentence: ‘Last night my boyfriend and I visited Feakle parish. Luckily there was no santorum.’”
(Dan Savage, “A Feakle Matter,” May 23, 2007, Slog,

Made-up citation: "Visiting Feakle parish: it's as Catholic as ruler-wielding nuns and Guinness-slurping popes."


verb. To restore a fellow citizen to their proper role as a personal assistant. Or a stooge.

Real citation: "Turning heel on Shawn Michaels and "re-lackey-izing" Randall Orton (whose lone value seems to be as a mostly-mute second fiddle) as part of a new Evolution, anyone?
(Rick Sciaia, May 18, 2007, Online Onslaught,

Made-up citation: "Being a freelancer has a lot of perks, but I could be re-lackey-ized by the corporate teat for the right price. Or any price. Please hold me."

Thursday, May 24, 2007


noun. Move over puggle, labradoodle, Brangelina.

Real citation: “I'm not knocking the little dogs, I love little dogs. I'm the proud mother of a wienerhuahua named Snake.”
(Candie Kelty, Sept. 6, 2006, Candieland,

Made-up citation: "We sell many designer dogs: check out our selection of wienerhuahuas, hamsterhuahuas, and robo-schnauzers."


noun. An accomplice in horizontal-mambo-type activities.

Real citation: "The Scene - Notice that it is just Jesus and the woman. All the distractions of her life have been removed. None of her 5 ex-husbands are present. Her current co-fornicator is nowhere around. None of the women who so intensely hated her and her lifestyle are to be found here. It is just her and Jesus."
(Alan Carr, The Sermon Notebook, 2003,

Made-up citation: "She calls me her partner; I call her my co-fornicator. Probably not a good sign."

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


noun. A not-so-intimidating lackey or lickspittle, and a close relative of the hipster doofus.

Real citation: “Superman Returns was very much a "requel" (a term that isn't mine, but I don't recall where I first ran across it) to the 1978 Donner film. Returns even follows the plot structure of the original. As a sequel/homage to the 1978 Donner film, this movie is note perfect (even better than the original nowhere is there a character as annoying as Luthor's henchdoofus Otis)”
(WizO_Sith, July 6, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Things my apartment needs: a coat rack, a henchdoofus, a smoothie maker, a pinball machine."


noun. That's ass, people.

Real citation: "Nature has many examples of that kind of buttockitude."
(Oct. 19, 2002,

Made-up citation: "It's hot today...hotter than the undergarments that caress Satan's special place and buttockitude."

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


noun. A process by which a suave and gentle young lad is transformed, phoenix-like, into what our Canadian brothers and sisters call a hosehead.

Real citation: "The dickheadification of Dennis Miller is complete and you may now guiltlessly wish for his death, or imminent cancellation."
(June 23, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Signs of adolescence: profanity, t-shirts, dickheadification, hair."


adj. The art of seduction, plus a bag of sugar.

Real citation: "Schmoopology: Lesson One"
(Jonathan Woodward, Sept. 14, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I am a doctor of schmoomology. Won't you be my nun of neurology? Make that 'nurse of nymphology.' I got a little excited."

Monday, May 21, 2007


adj. Conjugalicious.

Real citation: "Thus engaged in sentient cellular inchoative intercourse
They immerse themselves in a fervent facula furane
And become one in an orgasmic electroluminescent helianthic fireball
A gyrating glowing globe of coitalicious elan"
(Tim Holtom, Azlan,

Made-up citation: "Dominance, not coitalicious bliss, is behind my dog's hump-happy lifestyle."


noun. A precice, preciousness-detecting instrument--always handy when neologisms are involved.

Real citation: "(This blog has been checked by the Tweeometer. No kittens, lambs or other cuddly animals were detected)"
(Canbush, April 30, 2006, A Sort of Journal,

Made-up citation: "I'm thinking of starting a new humor blog about my dog. But can I avoid setting off my internal tweeometer, located near the kidneys?"

Sunday, May 20, 2007


noun. Freedom Lite.

Related terms: truthiness, faminess.

Real citation: "I think we need to start calling it 'freedominess' now. By the time Bush gets done with it, that’s all we’ll have left."
(ppGaz, June 3, 2006, Balloon Juice,

Made-up citation: "Mmmm. Ah. Don't mind me, I'm just breathing the sweet air of freedominess."


noun. A shitheel with insufficient feminine charms.

Real citation: "Liar who deserves to have your spouse informed what a shitheel or shitheelette you are."
(The Gonzman, Aug. 7, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Shiftless shitheelettes shoved shaved sharecroppers by the seashore, a sheepherder shyly shared."

Thursday, May 17, 2007


noun. A ball-bot--just in time for the holidays.

Real citation: "As an experienced cyclist I'd have to recommend a lighter material for a robo-testicle; steel is just too heavy, perhaps carbon fiber, titanium or thermo plastics. This will give you a greater strength to weight ratio, but also limits your available sources of testosterone production. Call Floyd if you're looking to increase your T-E ration during training or competition."
(XJ96, Feb. 14, 2007,

Made-up citation: "According to tradition, the robo-testicles go on last, just before you unnervingly scream, 'Arise! Arise!'"


noun. Twit.

Real citation: "Perhaps he tries to get Kate to run off with him, to avoid all the fighting. But the twit (Twit: see, friends, it's like twat-lite and without all the evil connotations and denotations) still thinks that Jack is Jesus -- and it costs her life."
(Cat Kicker, "Picking Up Transmissions: Speculation With Spoilers," May 2, 2007, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Twat-lite... Let's go ahead and cross that off the list of baby and beer names right now."

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


adj. Trout pout.

Real citation: "A while back Jane Fonda found a new ally in her battle with being a decaying cutie-pie. Injections, face lifts, dye, flaky philosophy, and many hours a day of aerobics were no longer enough to hang on to even an out-of-focus resemblance to the poochy-lipped mannequin of Roger Vadim's Barbarella."
(John Chuckman, April 5, 2005, Dissident Voice,

Made-up citation: "When the Martians take over, they will spend centuries trying to understand the popularity of Star Trek: The Next Generation and poochy-lippedness."


adj. Smell the magic.

Real citation: " scented goo"
(Feb. 20, 2007,

Made-up citation: "I suppose dog-ass-scented is preferable to dog-barf-marinated."

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

quadruple gak

interjection. Barfy cubed. Uh, what's one more than cubed? I am not a mathematician. I am not an animal!

Related terms: gak, double gak, triple gak.

Real citation: "About the seal feces - quadruple gak! I had to take a cat to the vet this a.m., and he crapped in his carrier - twice - on the way there. How on earth could you eat ****?"
(Darcie, Nov. 20, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I haven't been so moved as to say 'quadruple gak' in recent days. I've been living gak-free, thanks to Mister Jesus."


adj. Used to describe any upper-appendage-flinging behavior.

Real citation: "I've stopped hating him now. I let my anger go and now I quite like his arm punchy dancing, dubbed voice and dickhead grin."
(MakeTeaNotLove, July 26, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I'm no dance scholar, but I believe Beavis was the master of the arm-punchy dance stylings."

Monday, May 14, 2007

metric dorkload

noun. A large, less-than-suave amount.

Related terms: metric buttload, metric assload, metric arseload, metric heinie-load, metric bootyload, metric poop-load, metric poo-load, metric shitload, metric crapload, metric turdload, metric fuckload, metric boatload, metric truckload, metric smurfload, metric cuntload, metric dickload, metric cockload, metric pantload, metric pantsload, metric jesus-load, metric monkeyload.

Real citation: "1e was a glorious mess. Within that mess was a metric dorkload of fun."
(buzz, Nov. 3, 2006,

Made-up citation: "A metric dorkload of my posts mention Battlestar Galactica. I'm not proud. Or a Cylon."


verb. To purge a show, continent, or sea vessel from all vestiges of Rosie O'Donnell.

Real citation: "Take the American Digester. The Digester joined the antiwar movement in 1965, that didn't turn out swell, so for forty two years he's been manning the recliner, awaiting his nation's call. And now that call has been sent and received. He will join Michelle Malkin's crusade to de-Rosie'fy The View."
(James Wolcott, April 5, 2007,

Made-up citation: "Now that The View has been de-Rosie'fied, I need someone to look at my bathroom."

Sunday, May 13, 2007


adj. Open mind. Insert bleep.

Related terms: mindfucktacular.

Real citation: "'Lost' is mindfucktastic"
(May 25, 2006,

Made-up citation: "At least the Pagan religions acknowledged that some gods are mindfucktastic and pervy."


noun. Look deep into a Neanderthal-type's soul--Wait, do they have souls?--and this ye shall find.

Real citation: "yeah, we probably would... i mean, not at the very beginnings of cavemanitude and stuff...then we needed to screw everyone because 1- we died sooner, 2- our kids died more and 3- there were less of us, and we needed numbers. nowadays however, we don't have that problem and don't need the sex to reproduce as much. but our once vital hormones are still spewing signals that we don't need to follow anymore"
(Seraph, July 5, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I never would have believed that one day my conception of cavemanitude would involve car insurance and political correctness more than club-wielding and cavewoman-dragging."

Thursday, May 10, 2007


noun. A positive thinker with cruel tendencies; someone who would remove your eyeballs with a spork, and a smile.

Real citation: "It seems that what the base is looking for in a President is a pro-life optimist with a sadistic streak--like, a sado-optimist, if you will."
(Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, May 7, 2007)

Made-up citation: "Sado-optimism, studies reveal, scores 110 kajillion points on the batshitometer."


adj. Poopy head!

Related term: diaper-headed.

Real citation: "take for instance the congressional bill coming up next week. McCain, Lindsay Graham, and Warner are all Conservatives that don't want to define the interpretation of what the bill was supposed to provide - protection for US service people and the CIA, as it relates to the War crimes act under the Geneva convention. They are further putting our people in jeopardy by leaving an opening for some diaper-faced lawyer to challenge the rules of engagement."
(Sept. 15, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Diaper-faced douchebags. That's what's wrong with this country."

Wednesday, May 09, 2007


noun. A popular summer destination for assclownologists.

Related terms: Assmunchistan, Asshatistan.

Real citation: "Assclown are asssclowns, to me, there is no nationality for that. I guess you can say they come from Assclownistan."
(March 18, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Our summer tour is going through Assclownistan, Batshitistan, Lower Buttmunchistan, and Poughkeepsie.


adj. What happens to knickers when they're in a, you know.

Real citation: "Not surprising, there were some bewadded knickers from the edit."

Made-up citation: "Doth thine bewadded something something thee thou fishmonger!"

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


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adj. Prior to joining the pudding club.

Real citation: "What is your goal weight? Pre-preggish weight - maybe a couple pounds heavier"
(cdm226, Feb. 2, 2007,

Made-up citation: "I wish we could go back, Ellen: back to the pre-preggish, pre-schmoopification, pre-douchebaggery days when we first laid eyes on each other in the tea shop."

Monday, May 07, 2007


noun. A most holy dickhead, perhaps.

Real citation: "dickholehead.....hehe"
(JMAC, March 22, 2007,

Made-up citation: "Birth records from the forties reveal that many Dicks were not named Richard at all. Parents who named their sons Dickholehead suffered from a rare genetic disorder."


noun. Rowr, one might say.

Real citation: "Rex, could Albrechtson possibly damage MediaWatch? This has great potential for catfightiness."
(Rex Ringschott, May 10, 2005, Rex in the City,

Made-up citation: "If God didn't want us to enjoy catfightiness, he wouldn't have given us DVDs."

Sunday, May 06, 2007

post-traumatic sexy caged-heat syndrome

noun. An affliction specific to imprisoned TV bombshells and he-bombshells.

Real citation: "Oh, and the whole denying of the post-coital Sawyer snuggles? Rude! She really doesn't love him, it was all post-traumatic sexy caged-heat syndrome."
(greentara, "3-19: "The Brig" 2007.05.02," May 3, 2007, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "I don't think 'post-traumatic sexy caged-heat syndrome' is an apt diagnosis of the love between a parakeet and a finger."

sardonica bone

noun. I think it's connected to the trenchant bone and the laconic bone.

Real citation: "3. 'My novel is x thousand words but it reads longer'. If you don't know why this is funny, need to sharpen your Sardonica bone."
(April 27, 2007, Miss Snark, the literary agent,

Made-up citation: "There's no treatment in the world that will repair a damaged sardonica bone, local doctors deadpanned."

Thursday, May 03, 2007

John Q. Fuckface

noun. The common fucking man.

Real citation: "So, in addition to the terrible music, mobile phones have given John Q. Fuckface abysmal 2D games."
(metalangel, March 1, 2005,

Made-up citation: "According to polls, John Q. Fuckface would vote for a hairless rat in the next Presidential election if the rodent seemed forthright, God-fearing, and not-too-rabid."


adj. Like vegomatic, but a little less nutritious.

Real citation: "We men are simply spermomatic dispensers for a woman's amusement or personal use."
(lbsbro, Oct. 17, 2006, Plenty of Fish,

Made-up citation: "Buy my new book: Spermomatic dispensers are from Iraq; women are from Iran."

Wednesday, May 02, 2007


adj. Duh.

Real citation: "Actually, while I think Bush is donkey manure personified, I think he gives an OK speech. However his moronitudinous qualities really shine through on the few occasions where he has to answer Q + A and try to fire up a few neurons on his own."
(March 6, 2003,

Made-up citation: "Multitudes of moronitudinous men make mulch milkshakes, mumbled Megan."


noun. A very specific species of eco-chick.

Real citation: "i wanna be an eco-ninja-warrior-kinda-chick"
(Oct. 26, 2006, Blogzira,

Made-up citation: "My mom was an eco-ninja-warrior-kinda-chick. She met my dad at a ninja convention by the slushee machine."

Tuesday, May 01, 2007


noun. Lacking fresh batshit of either the poopy or loony variety.

Related terms: batshit loony, batshit whacko, batshit insane, batshit nutty, batshit nutso, batshit-deranged, super-batshit-insane, pre-batshit-insane, completely-fucking-batshit-insane, batshit-fucking-crazy, batshit-sounding, non-batshit, pre-batshit, anti-batshit, batshittery, batshititude, batshitologist, holy batshit, batcrap, batpoop, batfuck.

Real citation: "If I saw a bat anywhere near my pizza, well... I wouldn't eat it. Or give any of it to my friends. In fact I would tell my friends to stay away... who wants to take the risk of the bat shit entering the mouth and going into the throat, destroying the very memory of good (non-batshitified) pizza in the process?"
(July 13, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I'm told my crack-smoking, mega-nutso rat terrier will mature into a non-batshitified state in about twelve years."


adj. Mmmm....Kentucky Fried Crotch.

Real citation: "I prefer to call him Crotchilicious."
(Voltes5, Jan. 16, 2002,

Made-up citation: "I'm looking for a career-minded, open-minded, crotchilicious Christian scientist who enjoys field hockey and pea soup. Must love chinchillas."