Friday, August 31, 2007


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noun. Semi-pseudo-non-civilized. May or may not have been raised in a barn by wolves.

Real citation: “I have not read the Barbarian Way book, but it sounds like it would be great if we had more Barbarians out there. But, maybe it is also great that we have the not-so-Barbarianish people out there, too.”
(Scott Williams, July 13, 2007,

Made-up citation: "After the Rapture, 'Barbarianish or not-so-barbarianish?' will be the new "Paper or plastic?' And Jesus will personally settle your hash, Martin."

Thursday, August 30, 2007


noun. A boondocks-y destination for the intrepid, deranged, or duck-loving.

Related terms: Assclownistan, Batshitistan, East Buttfuckistan, Lower Buttmunchistan, Whackjobistan, Where-the-fuck-istan.

Real citation: “oh that was DuckFuckistan
(May 11, 2006,

Made-up citation: "My trip to Duckfuckistan goes through Buffalo and Cleveland. Instead of getting on the plane, I think I’ll just nuke myself."


noun. A quality I admire in a girl, boy, senator, small mammal, or space alien.

Real citation: “I bow to your superior heathenitude!”
(July 22, 2007,

Made-up citation: "As my resume indicates, I have a good work ethic and large inner vats of heathenitude. As you can see, I also have nice hair."

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


noun. A primate-ish brute with menial duties, which may include shit-flinging, head-cracking, termite-fishing, and pant-hooting.

Related terms: henchchicken, henchdoofus, henchdork, henchho, henchmoron.

Real citation: “[Pearl and her henchmen, er, henchape and henchnoncorporeal being, stand in the foreground, looking very, very annoyed.]”
(May 2, 2002,

Made-up citation: "Winnifred, will you pick me up some henchapes while you're out? Better get some bananas and handiwipes too."


noun. Blog-type activity about footwear-type objects.

Real citation: “It has come to my attention that I have been shockingly derelict in shoozbloggery, such dereliction I intend to remedy forthwith. Gah, I've been hanging around lawyers too long!”
(Paula Light, “Shooz!,” July 3, 2007, Cupcakes, Cats, and Shooz,

Made-up citation: "Since I only own two pairs of shoes at a time, I don't have much fodder for shoozbloggery. However, my adventures in thongbloggery are legendary."

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


verb. To remove, by any means plausible, all boom-chicka-chicka-boom-y aspects of a--well, of whatever you have.

Real citation: “Darn it, this is a difficult one to unpornify. I mean, the *postures* alone!”
(marcelo, Feb. 13, 2007,

Made-up citation: "You are so beautiful, milady... Jesus himself couldn't unpornify you with a depornification ray the size of a dinosaur."


noun. A half-hearted desire for the sweet relief of the grave, that chocolate oblivion sandwich!

Real citation: “My homo-preference discovery, denial, and drugging, mixed with desperate, wrenching prayers for change, strength, and death. I repented for things I hadn't done, begged for a new brain and sacrificed what I had not to give... A resounding, God-like: 'No Deal,' followed by increased horniness, loneliness and deathwishiness. This cycle built until about half way through my senior year in High School, when it all caught up. I got expelled, came out to friend number one, and was sent to live in Axtel, Nebraska with mom to graduate there... and most horror of horrors, get cut off from pot.”
(June 6, 2006, Soulforce,

Made-up citation: "Rejected titles for Charles Bronson's hit Death Wish included Deathwishiness, Grrrrr, and I'm Gonna Kill Everybody."

Monday, August 27, 2007


noun. Look closely under the celebu-rubble and this ye shall find. The use of latex gloves is suggested.

Related terms: celebubot, celebubrat, celebucaust, celebu-chef, celebudude, celebu-ex-con, celebufreak, celebu-gasmic, celebu-idiot, celebu-mediawhore, celebupod, celebu-rexic, celebuspawn, celebutart, celebutot, celebutard, celebuturd, celebutwin, celebu-wraith.

Real citation: ”Celeb Stink often prides itself on bringing you the hottest and tastiest tidbits of celebrity shenanigans. However, there are times that the news just ain't fit to print. In what may be the grossest story to come out of Tinselwood these days, TMZ reports that former teenage star and current letch Scott "Chachi" Baio has done the dirtiest of deeds with celebu-shambles Liza Minnelli.”
(June 24, 2007, Celebrity Stink,

Made-up citation: "Uncle Fred always said I could be anything in the world: NBA groupie, celebu-shambles, even director of the CIA. God bless you, Uncle Fred! All is forgiven."


noun. A superfriend indeed.

Real citation: “Thinking there must be a Batvibrator in there, Catwoman analyzes what makes up the utility belt.”
(The Daily Reader,

Made-up citation: "Comic fans are outraged at the liberties taken by filmmakers in The Dark Knight. The scene with Alfred and the Batvibrator really touched a nerve."

Sunday, August 26, 2007


adj. Used to describe people, animals, and sea vessels of the female-ier persuasion.

Real citation: “HPV under the edges of fingernails has huge significance for sexual transmission. Just as a penis does not only fit in a vagina, nor is it the only limb that fits there. And besides, there's a lot of sex going on between non-bepenised people.”
(Martin R., Aug, 1, 2007, Pharyngula,

Made-up citation: "If all non-bepenised citizens broke up with their penis-laden partners, wouldn't most of the non-penis-possessors be better off?"


adj. Like squishy, but with less squish and more totalitarianism.

Real citation: “Congressman McNuggets was acting as House Speaker Pro Tem, which is a fancy word for 'Dude Who Sits In As Head-Gavel-Banger-In-Charge While House Speaker Nancy 'The Burger King' Pelosi Gets Botox Injections Or Whatever.' After the, ahem, "mistake," GOP members began groaning and cawing like Lindsey Lohan at a beer and dildo festival. Then, to make matters even more totalitariany, Maryland Representative Spanky Hoyer then called for a 'motion to reconsider' (meaning 'let's all change our votes so we win for real!') after the vote had already been closed, counted, come out in favor of the Republicans but entirely ignored by Democrats as if they were Vladimir Illyich Lenin in 1917 Soviet Russia without the pointy beards and Vodka breath.”
(New Jerks,

Made-up citation: "As a dog person, I am delighted to see Michael Vick go down in flames, and that dude is lucky he's not living in a totalitariany regime headed by myself and a squadron of henchgoons."

Friday, August 24, 2007


noun. A penis-free despot still learning the ropes and clamps.

Related terms: despotette-wannabe.

Real citation: “Vote for Laura! Weyr Flake, Despotette in Training, and Plot-Plot-Planner Extraordinaire!”
(Feb. 14, 2007,

Made-up citation: "You just called my Assistant Despot a despotette-in-training. That's going to cost one nipple, dude."


noun. Seldom used in reference to delicate geniuses.

Real citation: “Kinda like Hills Have Eyes. One of my favorite movie of all time. But it looks ok. Even without Michael Berryman or Dee Wallace Stone..And Wes Cravens best movie IMO. Did you know that in Sam Raimis Evil Dead in the Basement of the cabin there is a poster for Hills Have Eyes? WELL THERE IS! And they are remaking Evil Dead also for some jackassfuck reason.”
(March 5, 2006,

Made-up citation: "A jackass differs from a jackassfuck to the same degree a mother differs from a motherfucker, according to my mom."

Thursday, August 23, 2007


noun. A frontal friend of the buttmunch.

Real citation: “there's no reason for peace treaties fngr... none... not one reason other than THERE IS A GOD... zippo! They were two seperate statements, crotchmunch.”
(March 19, 2004,

Made-up citation: "As any student of crotchology can tell you, there's more than a pube's worth of difference between a crotchmunch and a crotchmonger."


noun. An unholy-ish union of chihuahua and rat terrier. Or a chihuahua and rat. Yum!

Related terms: poodlehuahua, pughuahua, wienerhuahua.

Real citation: “It's COLD outside, especially if you're a little rat terrier/chihuahua (i.e. 'rathuahua') with super short hair and you've already outgrown your adoption-day sweater. No problem staying warm inside the house, though!”
(Angela Pratt, Dec. 15, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Our new selection of rathuahuas, roach-huahuas, and protozoahuahuas will dazzle the eye, pull the heartstrings, and almost fill the purse."

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


adj. A belief system that values the lives of morons as much as the ponds of scum.

Real citation: “im pro choice i am also pro moronicide
(July 24, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Senator Shitcake announced to the cheering throngs that he was un-Clintonian, non-Bushistical, and pro-moronicide, which he promptly proved by self-decapitation."


noun. A spinning, metaphorical, lesbiatic horsey-ride of love.

Real citation: “Joanie and Jane - Meh. Thought it interesting that, after Joanie's clear distaste in S1 for that kind of stuff -- engaging in it, I thought, only to titillate Tolliver (wow, say THAT three or four times fast), here she goes, hopping on the Lesby-go-Round. However I LOVE the less-explicit friendship / love affair / union of shredded and outcast souls that J&J portray.”
(Bubblehead, “3-7: "Unauthorized Cinnamon" 2006.07.23,” July 24, 2006, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "As a dude, any sentence I write that includes the terms 'skankspionage' or 'lesby-go-round' is bound to be offensive, including this one. However, I can use 'fuckwitface' with impunity."

Monday, August 20, 2007


adj. Above the boobological region.

Real citation: “yes, jerry, i noticed the super-boobular (as opposed to sub-boobular) cropping of the picture. *polite clapping* i also like your spelling of anthem. we should make it official. and write some womyn’s anthyms. jerry, you can write the text.”
(Sept. 25, 2006, Sequenza21/,

Made-up citation: "Plastic surgery schools have three majors: super-boobular, sub-boobular, and totally boobular, for young apprentices in the art of applied robo-boobularity."


adverb. Used to describe actions of a conjugalicious nature.

Real citation: “For instance, a fat chick might be pretty, hot even. You would describe her thusly as ‘flabulous’. If she is inclined to hysterics, you might describe her as ‘going flabistic’, or being prone to ‘engaging in flabionics’. See? There has to be some sort of rule, here, while you conjugalistically defroculate the English language. Without standards, are we not just barbarians?”
(Bane, July 30, 2004, BaneRants,

Made-up citation: "Some non-sexually-repressed citizens live their entire lives with a certain carnal flair. They even brush their teeth conjugalistically."

Sunday, August 19, 2007


noun. Sometimes "poopbutt" and "butthead" just don't say enough.

Real citation: “you're a poopoobutthead.”
(April 5, 2007,

Made-up citation: "'Numerous indeed are the poopoobuttheads fabled to have taken up residence forever in the blessed isle of the unaging Goddess of Immortal Being,' said Joseph Campbell in a silly mood."


noun. A Greek-patriarchal-god-y alternative to bejesus.

Real citation: “Third, I won't live alone. I live in perpetual fear of slipping and falling or shocking the bezeus out of me, and nobody finding me for a week as I lay in agony on the floor or something. I'm very accident prone.”
(March 5, 2007,

Made-up citation: "In The Passion of the Christ, they beat the bejesus out of Jesus, much like the Norse gods knocked the bezeus out of the Greek gods during their annual softball game."

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

nano-wand of love

noun. A petite mini-tallywhacker.

Real citation: “It's his nano-wand of love
(Dec. 15, 2000, TTLG Forums,

Made-up citation: "If your nano-wand of love has a Napoleon complex the size of a Christmas ham, read my new book: Nanoschlongs and the Nanobots Who Surgically Enlarge Them."


noun. Man-lust of a damp, annoying sort.

Real citation: “I have an insane amount of scanning to do. Expect much annoying-gushy-man-molestiness on my part, I'm on a huge Bohra Naono kick at the moment and smut makes me happy. Bweeheehee. Ugh, I just did that out loud. Thank god my roommates aren't home.” (April 27, 2006, SheezyArt,

Made-up citation: "On Rescue Me--a show that gets offensive, preposterous, and semi-lame in season three--Tommy Gavin leaves every woman he encounters in a quivering pile of annoying-gushy-man-molestiness. I’m glad to be a guy, but I’m triple-glad I’m not a non-guy on that show."


noun. A family-friendly--though not exactly kid-centric--motherfucker.

Real citation: “With the ability to wow countless audiences with their amazing stage presence, live exuberance, and intense need to entertain and impress S.S.F.D are here to rock every motherbopper in town. :)”

Made-up citation: "Yes dear, you are a bad-tushie motherbopper. Even Samuel L. Jackson couldn't clip his toenails with such machismo."

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


noun. A fucktard with public speaking responsibilities.

Real citation: “I think if you want to pay for a spokesfucktard, well--okay. I'd want to track the return on marketing to starstruck fucktard wannabes pretty closely before I'd shell out, though. I can believe that someone would want to wear the same shirt or pants or purse as Brittany or Paris or Tara, but those kind of superficial twits are just that--superficial. Other people can see the clothes or purse or shoes. The lotion doesn't have the star's name on it, the marketing value would be minimal. Seriously, can you hear *that* brag? I lather like Paris, baby?”
(Dec. 3, 2006,

Made-up citation: "My guidance counselor says I could be a stand-up comedian, phone sex worker, spokesfucktard, or sidewalk loonball when I grow up, because I can speak."


present participle. Come closer, little bottle. I won't hurt you. And bring that big bottle while you're at it.

Real citation: “But I also won't lie. This is hell. Exhausting, preoccupying, booze-beckoning, depleting, crazy hell where everyone obviously does not poop.”(Jess, June 18, 2007, Sassafrass,

Made-up citation: "These idiots--who insist on having their long, loud conversation just inches from where I'm sitting, even though there are empty seats everywhere, as if I paid for a double lapdance without the dance--are a booze-beckoning twosome. Good thing I'm already drunk."

Monday, August 13, 2007


noun. A clever fellow or lady, capable of doing God's work in many ways. Well, in at least one way, so long as "God's work" is synonymous with "full monty."

Related terms: electro-depantsifier.

Real citation: “Yes, the CDKD helps you out about as much as a portable self-depantsifier.”
(Aug. 7, 2003,

Made-up citation: "My name is Edwin. I am a self-depantsifier, but I have not self-depantsed today. Life is a journey with many pants."


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Sunday, August 12, 2007


noun. The questionable quality that semi-nuttily lurks in the sorta-batshitty heart of a pseudo-whacko.

Real citation: “Ah! It's a very technique-driven game you play, then! One must walk the thin line of almost maybe quasi-crackpotitude carefully...”
(July 19, 2007, nerdnyc,

Made-up citation: "I like people to think I'm a burbling, carbonated cauldron of pain and quasi-crackpotitude. It improves their opinion of my writing."


noun. A Christier version of "thankgodfully."

Real citation: “I'm le bored (although, thankchristfully, school is over. I just have to finish all my extensioned stuff). have a barrage of junk.”
(Kaitlin Redmond, May 3, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Thankchristfully, I live in a neighborhood where I can drink bubble tea, ogle half-naked women, and compose these immortal contributions to lexicography. Jesus loves my sweet ass."

Friday, August 10, 2007

henchnoncorporeal being

noun. An ectoplasmgasmic underling. May or may not be union.

Related terms: henchboobs, henchchicken, henchdork, henchdoofus, henchgoon, henchho, henchmoron.

Real citation: “[Pearl and her henchmen, er, henchape and henchnoncorporeal being, stand in the foreground, looking very, very annoyed.]”
(May 2, 2002,

Made-up citation: "My dead uncle's henchnoncorporeal beings are with me for every shower, every walk to the store, every forkful of food. My life is a nerve-shredding, never-ending, nun-wetting trip to terrortown. Damn you, Uncle Moe!"


noun. A dangerous land, where no one grows up, and the lip gloss and chipmunks frolic in the meadow.

Real citation: “ wish she was...she comes from jailbaitistan
(April 2, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I was surprised that teacher went to Jailbaitistan on Rescue Me. From the look on Tommy's semi-concerned-godfather face, it won't be long before he plans an itinerary of his own to Hot-teacher-stan."

Thursday, August 09, 2007


adj. Boneheaded in a particularly throbulent, male-memberish way.

Real citation: “There are times I think marriage is nothing but legalized prostitution. I said before that I have nothing against marriage per se but I warn any and all poor foggy-eyed love-struck bonerheaded schnooks ready to get married to beware of some of the pityfalls. (Not a typo.)”
(March 31, 2002,

Made-up citation: My new book--Boys Are Bonerheaded; Girls Are Goober-flavored--explores gender, America, stereotypes, and boners."

Bill Clintony

adj. Presidential, southern, blow-job-able.

Real citation: “Speaking of “Rudebox,” here’s the title track, which has it all as far as various danceabilities are concerned. It’s got some hip electronic blips. It’s got Williams quasi-rapping in that conversational, snarky (and strangely Bill Clintony) tone.”
(Oct. 19, 2006, girlpants,

Made-up citation: "My wife revels in Bill Clintony bunnycapades; I remain devoted to bootleg exorcisms. The children? Boogerbuttheads, one and all."

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


noun. The essence of a non-suckitudinous person, place, or thingy.

Real citation: “For those scoring at home: Victoria still has the shitty entrance theme, but did NOT dance for us in seizure-like fashion, so we're half-way back to non-crapularity.“
(Rick Scaia, June 13, 2004, Online Onslaught,

Made-up citation: "Well, I have at least one reader who insists my manuscript is brimming with non-crapularity. On that note, fetch me a pie."


noun. A part of the porkgasm family that's preferable to the pig's-ear-gasm.

Real citation: “My boyfriend Ryan does the same thing. We once found a pack of 10lb bacon and I thought he was going to have a bacongasm in the store. I had to convince him that there was no way we could eat all that before it went bad and console him with a smaller pack.”
(Feb. 16, 2007, Lois & Clark Fanfic,;f=1;t=007043;p=)

Made-up citation: "The prospect of a bacongasm is a beacon of hope for the millions of Americans suffering from post-traumatic red wine disorder."

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

boobological region

noun. Sweet merciful boobamaphones.

Related terms: chesticular region, boobular area.

Real citation: “Everyone likes to feel sexy after all, and what could possibly be more flattering or dignified for an actress than having the phrase 'ALWAYS OPEN' plastered above your digitally enhanced boobological region. I'd advise Rosario to reprise this gimmick in ads for any future roles; perhaps a version with a suggestively placed flute, in case she's doing any Shakespeare in the Park anytime soon.”
(July 26, 2006, The Bicameral Mind,

Made-up citation: "In the post-Janet-Jackson's-breast era, it warms my cocoa to know that the FCC keeps men, women, children, and all woodland creatures safe from unwanted sojourns to the boobological region, which can be so bleak and traumatizing."


noun. 1) A still-in-development product that cleanses the land, sea, and air of all impurities and gunk. 2) An ecosexual.

Real citation: “Hey envirodouche..... you have been parked in front of this comp all day long posting.”
(Nov. 29, 2005, Bill Maher Forums,

Made-up citation: "Maybe the Great Flood was just the Good Lord's way of giving the earth an envirodouche after things got ishy."

Monday, August 06, 2007


adj. You've heard of fire in the loins? This is something different.

Real citation: “Fuck exams in their asss, the lady at the McDonalds is a big fridgid bitch-hole. She called me rude!! that stupid nut sucking whore!@#$#*&(# ^&^$&#^ my shoulder just went ckerpshtnt. I luv mibb. we have fun, damn the the ice-becrotched lady!!!! she pisses me right the fuck off! Never ask for a SOFT drink , just come out and say "Give me a stiffy bitch!" Lori is kind of sort of right now, so please seexxxxxxxxxxxxcuse her. The frrriigiidareeeeeeee bitch suckkkkkkkkkkkkks”
(Jan. 12, 2007,

Made-up citation: "Friends, it is one of the most ball-sweat-soaked days of the year, and I would welcome that refreshing ice-becrotched feeling that seems so far away, like a melody from my youth."


adj. If I hear one more play on that O.J. title, here's how you can kill me now.

Real citation: “O.J. Simpson said this week that his hypotetheticonfessional book "If I Did It" was ghostwritten, and that the hypothetical ghostwriter did a theoretically lousy job on the chapter in which Simpson hypothetically described the night he killed his wife and her friend. Hypothetically.”
(King Kaufmann, Aug. 3, 2007, Salon,

Made-up citation: "Hypotetheticonfessionally speaking, how would you feel if my dog just peed in your cornflakes?"

Sunday, August 05, 2007


noun. When two Jesi lock eyes, get off their crosses, and put on a little Perry White. Or Barry White, whatever.

Real citation: “Jesuscest?”
(Aug. 3, 2007,

Made-up citation: "Jesuscest: One of several concepts that would have upped the amusement factor and psychological toll of eight years of Catholic school."


noun. A cheeseburger with cheesecake-y wiles.

Real citation: “Hi hamburger How is the misses? May i call her cheeseburgerette?”
(Sept. 7, 2005,

Made-up citation: "The drippy, naughty, FDAlicious love between a cheeseburgerette and a he-potato is something Rachel Ray is far better qualified to describe."

Friday, August 03, 2007


noun. A mass recall of celebubots.

Related terms: celebutard, celebuturd, celebudude, celebucon, celebudork, celebudrunk.

Real citation: "Sure, it's bad but someday: Celebucaust."
(June 26, 2007, Gawker,

Made-up citation: "Today will be partly cloudy, chance of celebucaust, high 81. It's going to be a tough one for allergy sufferers."


adj. Cloven hooves, anyone?

Real citation: “I got the 'tall' ones because I wanted to tuck my new skinny jeans into them. On the recommendation of the lovely Rashida Jones, I also got my Uggs in black, not the typical tan or sand colors, which are super hoove-y.”
(Mindy Ephron, Oct. 31, 2006, Things I’ve Bought That I Love,

Made-up citation: "When the evil one comes, in all his Anti-Christitude, thou shalt quake in bed-shitting terror at his eight-headed, ectoplasm-spewing, super-hoove-y bod."

Thursday, August 02, 2007


noun. A fuckhead has perished! No one has written any tragic poems yet, but here’s hoping.

Real citation: “Suicide vs Homicide vs Fuckheadicide"
(Sept. 20, 2002, Poe News,

Made-up citation: "The Bible says nothing of the moral ramifications of fuckheadicide, but I can fill in the blanks with my prayer seminar. Also, we can be as one, for a small fee."


noun. I believe the technical term is "cuckooburger with a side of batshit."

Related term: nutsopath.

Real citation: “I would venture a guess your friends view you are a dangerous whackopath.”
(March 31, 2007,,

Made-up citation: "My friend has a very Seinfeldian dating story about a guy who ate everything--even steak--with a spoon. Quirky doofus or ex-con whackopath? Only his case manager knows for sure."

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

shaving-cream penis enema

noun. Do I have to explain everything to you people?

Real citation: “No, CD, I haven't heard of shaving-cream penis enemas before. But then I've always been lucky in love.”
(Dan Savage, July 26, 2007, The Stranger,

Made-up citation: "According to my frat brothers, a shaving-cream penis enema every morning for a fortnight will cure any VD. This is why all my brothers are dead, and I'm writing you from this lonely prison cell, my sweet, sweet Annabelle Lee."


noun. A quality possessed by the Dark Prince, who is one Bad Feller, though somewhat different from his Satanic Majesty, blah blah armageddon-cakes.

Real citation: “The Left Behind franchise is a series of books and movies that take place immediately after the rapture. The rapture, for you heathens that will be burning in hell, is the event near the End of Times when the faithful are instantaneously zapped up to heaven by the Gentle Hand of God. The unclean faithless, i.e. those "left behind," are then treated to vast quantities of war, chaos, and Anti-Christitude, usually portrayed to look something like the picture here.”(Dan. G, “I Want To Be Left Behind,” May 5, 2005, Bald & Effective,

Made-up citation: "When I'm in the mood for Anti-Christitude, I take quaaludes with nude prudes. Women say I'm shrewd."