Monday, June 30, 2008


noun. The art and science of being a paleo-whatsit-doohickey-phallic-device.

Real citation: “For all this nation's wonders and treats, this is s another example of that unique English level of incompetence (or dildometry, as one of my co-workers is fond of saying), that creeps up on you just when you think you're sure (finally) that you're in a first-world nation.”
(Feb. 21, 2006, globalNix,

Made-up citation: "I renounced dildometry as a youth, but it didn't renounce me. Case in point: I just put salt in my coffee."


noun. 1. A provocative, purple, romantic tentacle-monster that gives necking a whole new meaning in Futurama. 2) Any neckish thingy.

Real citation: “I also love the neckamajigger.”
(Hattie McDoogal, The Beast with a Billion Backs, June 2008)

Made-up citation: “Get your neckamajiggers here! Dog collars, guillotines, necklaces, nooses, scarves, and Italian silk neck braces are half-price through the holidays.”

Sunday, June 29, 2008


adj. Go ahead. Go apeshit. Go monkey balls nuts. What do I care?

Real citation: "Did Congress step in because of an absence of pre-existing monkey regulations? No. The monkey industry does not operate in a vacuum; states have various restrictions on primate ownership, varying from licensing to breeding restrictions to total bans. If monkey-owning is your hot-button issue, as opposed to, say, taxes or abortion, you are free to move to a more monkey-permissive, or anti-monkey, state."
(Nicole Kurokawa, June 25, 2008, Chicago Tribune,,0,902693.story)

Made-up citation: "I have great respect for my opponent. Of all the bong-owning, America-hating, God-mocking, Pope-soiling, monkey-permissive, terrorist-affiliated degenerates I have known, he is the finest."

Saturday, June 28, 2008

prefrontal Spitzer lobe

noun phrase. The neurotallywhacker, buried deep in the brain's pants.

Real citation: "Apparently my brain—or the part of it I now refer to as my prefrontal Spitzer lobe—finds the sight of Edie Falco somewhat exciting."
(Jeffrey Goldberg, The Atlantic, July 2008, "My Amygdala, My Self,"

Made-up citation: "The surgeon gently caressed my prefrontal Spitzer lobe with her provocatively shaped former-husband-brain-eating fork. The rest is magic. And a big boo-boo."

Friday, June 27, 2008


adj. Wackier than wackadoo. Freakier than freaky-loo. On par with your mother.

Real citation: “freaky-loo-wackadoo, indeed!”
(Sept. 26, 2005, Absolute Write,

Made-up citation: “The house of the wicked shall be destroyed, but the tabernacles of the freaky-loo-wackadoo shall flourish, as we say in my book club.”

Thursday, June 26, 2008


adj. A mature place not accessible by railroad.

Real citation: “As they were exiting the stage, the music team returned to continue with the non-choo-choo songs and one of the singers commented on how he had turned around and watched the adults as they were watching the kidz..."
(March 11, 2007, Wire Walker,

Made-up citation: “Margaret, I regret that I cannot accompany you on your future non-choo-choo endeavors. Choo-chooing is not optional for me; in my country, to choo-choo is to live-live.”


noun. As with the neanderwhatever and neandermabob, fossil evidence is insufficient to provide a proper definition.

Real citation: “Peggy Day, Mosholu, thankyou for your points. I empathathise with Peggy, and I realise what a neanderwhatsit I was to overlook the booze factor, Mosholu.”
(April 19, 2007, Expecting Rain,

Made-up citation: “A lost proverb of the neanderwhatsit people: You can go apeshit about stepping in dogshit, but you can’t go dogshit about stepping in apeshit.”

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


noun. Of all the diverse members of the wad family--from the cuddly congresswad to the noble jerkasswad--this is the most fan-diddly-damn-tastic.

Real citation: "He's such a diddlywad."
(Oct. 16, 2007, Democratic Underground,

Made-up citation: "Mom always said I was a lowdown, craven, smelly diddlywad. But I learned to believe in myself, and today I am the most outstanding wad I can be."


noun. An upgrade to the garden-variety trollop undreamt of by Shakespeare and his contemporaries, such as cavepeople and John McCain.

Real citation: "Siobhan 'I was a turbo trollop and still managed to graduate' NiLoughlin"
(May 17, 2008,

Made-up citation: "Why is it so hard for a nice turbo-numbnuts to meet a nice turbo-trollop? Doesn't the proud turbo culture count for anything anymore?"


noun. A fancy new butthead—made with spit and wire and determination and spare butthead parts—that’s sure to wow ‘em at the butthead science fair.

Real citation: “Nothing new from A$$holik, as he used to take some stupid penalties with the Devs too, except it just gets that much more magnified on a team that is undisciplined BEYOND Frankenbutthead and for a team that can't kill penalties or keep pucks out of their net.”
(Dec. 30, 2002,

Made-up citation: “The mass production of Frankenbuttheads is an affront to God, God’s intelligence, Thor's hammer, and Zeus’ beard. It also makes the baby Jesus spit up.”

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


noun. This makes a millisecond seem like enough time to wash your hair, dye your hair, dry your hair, and grow some hair on your shiny parts, whatever parts they may be. Just leave me out of it!

Real citation: "I would make that deal in a kajillasecond. And you know what else? Chris Wallace is just dumb enough to offer it."
(Bill Simmons,,

Made-up citation: "A soul can be saved in a kajillasecond. But only with really, really, really fast soul-saving equipment."


noun. Welcome to the pudding club. We thank you for your commitment to the future of the species.

Real citation: “Now then Sister Granmumtrevina.. There is a small matter I need to bring to your attention regarding the quality of the laundry and what was found on inspection of your cell earlier...suspicious gunk...Sister... I understand your recent impregnitude but certain gunks that have been identified by the suspicious gunk squad can only be put down to species on this ere planet....”
(Nov. 16, 2007, UK Hippy,

Made-up citation: “Impregnitude is crude and falling out of fashion. By 2031, 67% of all births will occur in the warm womb of the coffee maker, where every drip is precious.”


noun. A kabillion, a frabillion, a quazillion, a boatload. Or so.

Real citation: “Bang on their ward a metric-expletive-ton or maybe 24 times a day, preferably every 20 mins past the hour mark up until the raid day and time”
(Oct. 31, 2007, Nexus War,

Made-up citation: “On a scale of zero to a metric-expletive-ton, how many fluorescent hats is it acceptable for a man to own, a grown man in the big city who is mostly not a pimp? My head has needs, you know.”

Monday, June 23, 2008


noun. The motherfucking study of motherfucking fuckers, according to my unpublished dissertation.

Real citation: "Ahhh, Curse Therapy. I'll be publishing my book on it soon. Curse Therapy: Mental Health Through Motherfuckerology."
(Feb. 9, 2006, Living Sin,

Made-up citation: "I cannot believe George Carlin is dead. Thank you, George, for the comedy, obscenity, blasphemy, absurdity, and motherfuckerology."

Sunday, June 22, 2008


adj. A word oft-used to describe my favorite drink, cologne, shampoo, and condiment. It smells like mother’s pancakes...

Real citation: “Breathe deeply, friends. That musky, malt-liquor-y, manure-tinged scent? There’s your 'spring.'”
(May 1, 2007, Sub Pop Records,

Made-up citation: “In the spirit of Vatican II, I’d like to offer you a Malt-liquor-y Mocha. It’s highbrow, it’s lowbrow, and it’ll put wowels in your bowels.”


noun. Can be found in the toolshed next to the disastroscope and the weed-whacker.

Real citation: “I think what she said about obama was only picked up by the news because she is famous and it was an outrageous thing to say. She also made news fairly recently by saying that the IRA had been a bigger terrorist deal for the UK than 9/11 was for the US , which is, in my opinion, a dumb thing to say, not because it's wrong, but because it makes no sense. What, is one supposed to put the data through a catastrometer or something?”
(Feb. 11, 2008,

Made-up citation: “I hope the next President has a catastrometer in his utility belt or a brain in his noodle. Either would suffice.”

Friday, June 20, 2008


noun. The recipient of non-fighting words, such as an informal settler subjected to physical and psychological pressure—or, if you’re gross, a tortured squatter.

Real citation: “Laying it on you easy with a euphemism contradictorily shows you are masking a deeper issue, which is harder on the euphem-ee.”
(June 16, 2008, ComplexMe,

Made-up citation: “I would never hire an exorcist. It is to laugh! But I would hire a Vice-president of Logistical Demon Extraction Affairs Management, my sweet euphem-ee.”

Thursday, June 19, 2008


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noun. Some stuff worth going neurologically bonkers over.

Real citation: "Jeffrey Goldberg, Neuropundit? The Atlantic goes cuckoo for neuro-puffs."
(Daniel Engber, June 19, 2008, Slate,

Made-up citation: "The doctor said my good cholesterol is down, my bad cholesterol is up, and my neuro-puffs have gone sideways. Last rites!"

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

ride the Sane Train

idiom. We will not be making stops in Whackjobistan.

Real citation: “Liked Baltar and Roslin's little scene and his mix of sincerity and self-servingness. Also loved his insistence on being the one to talk to D'eanna--and doing a good job! Guess it's Baltar's turn to ride the Sane Train for a few minutes.”
(Snookums, June 14, 2008, “4-10: "Revelations" 2008.06.13,” Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: “I’m the first person in my family to get a Ph.D. and the fourth to ride the Sane Train. Evolution is kicking ass, except for my hump and ring-tailed hindquarters."

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

reproductive artifact

noun phrase. You may know them as house apes, sperm-and-egg omelettes, and the future.

Real citation: “9:15 a.m. A soon-to-be ex-wife reportedly slapped her soon-to-be ex-husband in his soon-to-be ex-non-stinging face in front of their reproductive artifact’s elementary school.
(Kevin L. Hoover, May 20, 2008, The Arcata Eye,

Made-up citation: “I wonder if being raised by wolves is as bad as it sounds. Are they really more negligent at reproductive-artifact-rearing than coyotes, dingos, hyenas, and Lohans?”


adj. A word fit to describe Alias. I should know; I watched the whole frickin’ series seventeen times. As of last Thursday.

Real citation: “These tacos are espionagelicious!”
(Feb. 15, 2008, Clint’s blog,

Made-up citation: “I’d like to make my life more espionagelicious by incorporating countermissions into otherwise routine events. Let's say my mission is to buy and drink a raspberry smoothie: My countermission is to launch a nuclear strike against Bugravia. See how that spices things up?”


noun. Move over pooageddon and poosaster.

Real citation: "It saddens me that this turdtastrophe of a motion picture will surely earn so much more money in a few weeks than I could hope to earn in a lifetime."
(May 26, 2008, Cracked,

Made-up citation: "Oh sweet Jesus. Oh mother Mary on a meerkat. Oh heavy hammer of Thor. Today my dog subjected me to a turdtastrophe that I may never recover from completely. I was having a stimulating conversation with another dog owner, as the spring breeze blew and our dogs played chase in the park. Then my motherfucking dog rolled in a giant pile of shit, covering himself in feces (that came from Zeus knows what species) from head-to-ass-to-toe. This midafternoon calamity happened just minutes after I told the my-dog-picked-up-a-condom-on-the-street story, which I claimed could never be topped in the gag-me-with-a-pitchfork department. It was topped. God hates me. So does my shit-covered dog."


adv. Not neighborly.

Real citation: “The movie builds to a butchery, wave after wave of police getting drunk (in the 'Just ask a glass of water' way) and dismemberly, without any rhythm or crescendo, without even plot developments to space out the increasingly questionable assaults.”
(March 13, 2005, The Burgess Shale,

Made-up citation: “Since the reviewers described my performance as ‘dismemberly’ and ‘squirrel-on-crack-like,’ I have abandoned the ballet for a quiet life of poetry and tears.”

Monday, June 16, 2008


noun. An instructor who specializes in extracurricular activities or—by Odin’s ravens!—accepts money to teach.

Real citation: “The main character in midnight cowboy (Jon Voights character.)was from Texas. He moved to New York to find work as a male prostitute. He's like a handsomer, more well endowed, me! Except I'm moving FROM New York TO Texas to be a male prosti...teacher.”
(May 7, 2008,

Made-up citation: “I am a prosti-teacher and prosti-writer, but I have dreams. When will I fulfill my destiny and become the prosti-press secretary I was born to be?”

Sunday, June 15, 2008


adj. No ducks were harmed in the making of this euphemism.

Real citation: “No, no, David, you don't understand. Let me wipe the windshield for you. Dick Cheney wouldn't assume the presidency because under this dream scenario we'd impeach his flubberducking ass too.”
(James Wolcott, June 7, 2008,

Made-up citation: “I’m through flubberducking around with you. Give me the chinchilla—or the leprechaun dies.”

testicular guessitude

noun phrase. Random ballsiness. Or ballsy randomness. Either way, it’s a bad week to stop smoking chicken bones.

Real citation: “George Clooney will never ever be this cool again. It is literally hopeless for him now. As I quite sincerely doubt he will ever come across dialogue or a pair of mad chucklers to direct his intonations in quite the manic joy as he has been conducted to deliver here. He is a smooth talking pontificator of testicular guessitude and bullshititis.”
(Dec. 13, 2000, Ain’t It Cool News,

Made-up citation: “The Pope possesses more testicular guessitude than anyone else on the planet, though sticklers call it ‘infallibility,’ denying proper credit to the proud papal plums.”

Friday, June 13, 2008


noun. The most practical way to get to your summer home in Whackjobistan.

Real citation: “Quick, Ken Hutcherson! To the Batshitcrazymobile! Latvia Needs You!”
(Dan Savage, June 7, 2008, Slog,

Made-up citation: "Ford's new Batshitcrazymobile appeals to America's largest demographic, according to Matt Taibbi's new book, The Great Derangement, which I cannot recommend enough."

Thursday, June 12, 2008


noun. Whoa is me!

Real citation: “Yep, it's been a wild weekend of whoa-itude.”
(Oct. 29, 2007, Sara’s Random Blog Ramblings!,

Made-up citation: “When I look into your eyes, I feel the bittersweet sting of love and the gobsmacked drool of whoa-itude. You and me, we're like a squirrel and a bird who beat the odds--just because we both like eating bugs."


adj. Low-ish on the food chain. Kinda pooey too.

Real citation: “Maybe so, but where is the latter-day Harry Truman when he is so desperately needed in that otherwise dung-heapish gaggle of leftist clods vying for the Dem nomination?”
(Sept. 29, 2007, Ankle Biting Pundits,

Made-up citation: “Every writer needs a specialty, and I encourage all my groupies and disciples to find one, no matter how dung-heapish or creepy-uncle-y it may be.”

non-groin regions

noun phrase. The placid suburbs and wacky neighbors of the netherparts.

Real citation: “I find love is felt my groin (I have just one groin, and I even find I do not envy those with more than one). I notice that the woman I have loved have been loved by my groin. And much more than my groin has loved other women who I did not love with all the other non-groin regions.”
(Feb. 23, 2008,,

Made-up citation: “A groinocologist examining the non-groin regions is like an NBA referee giving an ethics lesson, according to Wilt Chamberlain’s ghost.”


adj. Revelatory. Like when a serial killer leaves an empty Chianti bottle and half-eaten liver on the bus.

Real citation: “'You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you...' Such a great, character-insighty (hey, I'm drunk) line from Michael.”
(themollylama, “4-1: "Fun Run" 2007.09.27,” Sept. 27, 2007, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: “Obama’s fist bump and use of the word ‘sweetie’ are character-insighty behaviors, as is his quirky habit of chanting ‘sweet zombie Jesus, sweet zombie Jesus’ in a hushed voice before every meal.”

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


adj. Demon-expelling is nummy. That’s also the slogan of my 2012 Presidential campaign.

Real citation: “They call in a priest, who calls in another priest, and they exorcise the demon. The Exorcist is head spinning, bed flopping fun. It's Exorcistolicious.”

Made-up citation: “Exorcistoliciousness: A great quality in a movie. In soup? Problematic.”


adj. Just like an old-fashioned girl—made of sugar and nano-spice and everything nicely manufactured in China.

Real citation: “I knowz rait LAWLZ! Gir all fembotical glees me. Or something”
(Aug. 9, 2007,

Made-up citation: “I’m feeling aroused by the new coffee-maker… Maybe I need a model that’s less fembotical and coy. The kimono isn't helping."


adj. Crack is smoked, sandwiches are missing, decks of cards are incomplete, and Cocoa Puffs are cuckolded in a cuckoo-like condition.

Related term: whacko-cracko.

Real citation: “God love her.... she's gone cracko whacko... bless her little bity heart”
(March 9, 2007, TMZ,

Made-up citation: “If loving you is cracko-whacko, then I don’t want to be cracko-righto."

Monday, June 09, 2008


adj. Like geological, but the cold, hard rock was replaced with soft, fluffy Oprahtude.

Real citation: “I think I do know what is Mr. McMath and I choose not to play the game — at least to the point where I'm buying into the Oprahological school of 'hey, life is just so easy once you look at it properly.'"

Made-up citation: “My life was divided into five eras: evangelical, Oprahological, astrological, alcohol-soaked, and atrocitylicious. Then I became a teenager…”


noun. A trusty foozamabob with a humanity-ish-ian function.

Real citation: “Anthromama, I did a little (and I do mean a little!) reading last week about anthro-whatsit (I’ll get this down eventually!), and I was fascinated. I had never even heard of this belief system or way of faith until I met you in the blogosphere. I’m lucky to be able to learn, so keep on teaching!”
(Jan. 9, 2008, The Third Eve,

Made-up citation: “Will you hand me the anthro-whatsit? I need to skin a people person.”

Sunday, June 08, 2008


adj. After “warlord” and “snuggle,” the most commonly used word in Martian personal ads.

Real citation: “Triboobular: Like in a Picasso painting”

Made-up citation: “Triboobular mammalianism: Your stem cells, porn dollars, and tax dollars at work.”

mmmf face

noun phrase. An attempted smile that’s not restaurant-quality.

Real citation: “If I don't know you and I pass you on the street, chances are, I try to flash you a friendly smile. The thing is, when I do this, I seem to have some problem coordinating my mouth muscles, and so what you get can best be described as an "mmmf" face, the sort of face that Charlie Brown makes when he is eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and grunting in assent.”
(June 2, 2008, Blogging While Feminist/Plain(s) Feminist,

Made-up citation: “Researchers studying the mmmf face, the oooooh face, the grrrr face, the aaaiiiiieeeeeee face, and the moooooo face have determined that diverse expressions are correlated with various faces, though further research is needed.”


adj. A close personal friend and longtime companion of doh-lightful.

Real citation: “Thanks to AP for this duh-lightful headline:”
(Sept. 7, 2006, Cheat Seeking Missiles,

Made-up citation: “I had no idea there were criminals as duh-lightful as the thong bandits. Thong banditry! How did I overlook this career?”

Saturday, June 07, 2008


noun. Take one serving of fuckeduppitude. Add nuts.

Real citation: “Health insurance is among the tamer of what I’ve heard right-libertarians try to manipulate in this way: in no particular order of fucknutted-uppitude, I’ve heard that constitutions, police protection, legal tenders, and human-rights-as-legal-vouchers, should be privatized and made to work as functional markets.”
(July 18, 2007, Alas, a blog,

Made-up citation: “Asking a nutsopath to define fucknutted-uppitude is like expecting a squirrel monkey to explain catfish to a pigman, in my own personal opinion. But that's just how I was raised..."

Friday, June 06, 2008


noun. A notch below pooageddon, according to the manual.

Related terms: peesaster.

Real citation: "One of the standard euphemisms in my house (17 month old son) is 'poosaster'."
(Bill Mullins, June 6, 2008, American Dialect Society listserv,

Made-up citation: "I've gone on vacations and benders, but never a rampage. It's on my to-do list, as is never coming within three yards of a poosaster and the surrounding areas."


adj. A vibe not entirely reeking of death.

Real citation: “Oh, absolutely. I'm looking at the eco-friendly cardboard box burial, myself, somewhere non-graveyardy, and I'll be gone in no time. I don't need a special place to go to think of people I love who have died, and I don't expect my loved ones to need a 6 x 4 bit of grass to remember me by.”
(Feb. 11, 2008, Digital Spy Forums,

Made-up citation: “I never know what to get at Jamba Juice. I usually settle for something non-graveyardy with raspberries.”


noun. A refined quality not found in crude henchapes and wispy henchnoncorporeal beings.

Real citation: “One green eye, one purple eye, and 2" of cute henchmanliness.”
(April 6, 2008, Etsy,

Made-up citation: “To be vice-president requires moxie, prudence, passion, henchmanliness, sass, and at least six pics of a superdelegate committing historical acts of sleaze.”

Thursday, June 05, 2008


noun. A collector of cow pies; the cow-tipper-over's stinky coworker.

Real citation: "cow-crapper-upper or crappup"

Made-up citation: "I never wanted to be a middle-aged cow-crapper-upper. I studied to be a youthful goat-pee-sponger... My dreams and illusions lie buried between the barn and the slop bucket, much like Annabelle, my chicken."


noun. It’s so sad when a killbot can’t even recognize his own corpses…

Real citation: “Additionally, Clank acquires a whole new layer of mystery (or robo-dementia) with the appearance of the mysterious Zoni, which only he can see, and the little modifications they equip him with.”
(Jan 2008, N4G,

Made-up citation: “Scientists predict that within twenty years, robo-dementia and rusting will be our biggest health concerns, as humans slip down the well-oiled food chain—below robots, cappuccino machines, goliath bird-eating spiders, and sentient toothpick dispensers.”


noun. A muscular regime, where the biceps bulge and the hat bands strain. In related news, my chemist can whip your chemist.

Real citation: “California's Steroidocracy
(Oct. 13, 2003, Sick of this Crap,

Made-up citation: “Due to my body’s tasteful blend of scrawn and flab, I am ill-equipped to thrive in a steroidocracy. I’ll have to settle for permanent residency in a double-chocolate-stout-ocracy of my own. Excuse me whilst I sip.”

Wednesday, June 04, 2008


noun. A placed called home, if your home is mired in mind-forever-frakked-uppedness.

Related terms: Assclownistan, Duckfuckistan, East Buttfuckistan, Lower Buttmunchistan, Whackjobistan, Where-the-fuck-istan.

Real citation: "While last week’s episode of Battlestar Galactica might not have been the greatest episode of the season, it looks like things are going to get back on track and based on this week’s preview clip, I’m pretty sure the track’s destination is just south of What-the-frak-is-going-onsville."
(Kelly West, June 3, 2008, Blend Television,

Made-up citation: "I'll be spending the summer in What-the-frak-is-going-onsville, after a quick jaunt through Batshitistan, a sad sojourn in I'mboredsowhere'sthepornistan, and a magical fortnight in Poughkeepsie, where I long to roam.”

Tuesday, June 03, 2008


verb. Like desmellify, but the sweet Lord—and not a foul stench—has been removed from the carpet.

Real citation: “Did the host dechristify when it touched a heathen's lips?”
(Nov. 9, 2007, Internet Infidels Discussion Board,

Made-up citation: “Is it possible to dechristify a consecrated host? It is now, with the Deconsecrato 4000.”


noun. It’s all fun and games till someone gets impaled.

Real citation: “[There is lots of slo-mo thrusting and twirling and spearitation and beheaditude. Also, I’m pretty sure that one of the Spartans capes a guy to death.]”
(April 14, 2008, Z-Cult FM Comic Community,

Made-up citation: “Spearitation and other vicious malarkey are not limited to humans: Chimps make spears too. And all those bananas? Disguised suitcase nukes.”


adj. Oh, the humanity! Or whatever that is.

Real citation: “Corin Redgrave started the evening by sending his and our love to the people in Iraq and introduced a great artist of Palestinian descent and born in Manchester, who describes her nationality as humanity-ish-ian and whose name I won't even ridicule myself trying to spell correctly. She sang us a (Lebanese?) lament. The lament was that of a woman in a cemetery visiting the grave of her loved ones. In it she saw not death and grieving but... spring and hope. Amazing voice, the sort you don't want to stop, ever. “
(March 22, 2003,

Made-up citation: “When I hear the laughter of children or smell the begonias, I almost feel humanity-ish-ian. The rest of the time I feel like a baked potato.”


noun. I knew I shouldn’t have sold the turbo-cluster-unbuncher…

Related terms: clusterboink, clusterbop, clustercoitus, clusterduck, clusterfiretruck, clusterfornicate, clusterfrack, clusterfreak, clusterfrell, clusterfrick, clusterfrig, clusterfrog, clusterfug, clusterhump, clusterplook, clusterpork, clusterschmuck, clustersmurf, clustersomething.

Real citation: “I am a few months away from 40 and AM SMACK DAB IN HIS DEMOGRAPHIC. I COULD NOT CARE LESS about his POP music. Yes, it is a form of POP music. Nothing particularly groundbreaking. Fun in a Tower-of-Power meets bluegrass clusterbunch? Yes.”
(July 28, 2007, Say whaaaat?,

Made-up citation: “I wasn’t raised in a barn by wolves, so I learned good etiquette. I was taught when to say please, which fork to use, and not to drink out of the dog dish, the toilet bowl, or Dad’s grain-alcohol vat. But one etiquette question was neglected: In public, what adjustments are and are not permissible in the below-the-belt region, specifically involving an underwear bunch-up? The only advice I can offer today's youth is: It depends. Do you require a subtle, small rejiggering, or are you enswaddled in a clusterbunch on the level of the Iraq war?”

Monday, June 02, 2008


noun. A spaceshipical strategy not recommended for children or birds.

Real citation: “Got to admit, I geeked out a little with all the awesome ship action (and especially with Galactica's mid-atmosphere-falling-jump-thingy).”
(redbaron255, Oct. 20, 2006, “3-4: "Exodus: Part II" 2006.10.20,” Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: “NASA is unable to put a dude on Mars, blow up space rocks, or execute a
mid-atmosphere-falling-jump-thingy. But they got snazzy diapers.”


noun. Satanitude. Eviltude. I-had-Korean-burritos-with-your-mom-itude.

Real citation: “Anyhow, a week or so later, S began to foil my carefully masking-taped diabolical master plan. Step 0 of said master plan, a blue Post-It taped in first in the chronology, was to enjoy together the Bright Eyes concert in Berkeley, day after Valentine's. This was to take place immediately before yellow Post-Its 1 through 5. And only in that order. Blue 0. Yellow 1 through 5. But S, undoubtedly equal in diabolicalitude, inserted mini fuschia Post-It rectangle 1 directly on top of Blue 0. It read: re-scheduled.)"

Made-up citation: “Besides my panache and diabolicalitude, I’m kind of kinky. I have this weird fetish that I hesitate to announce on the Internet, but I cannot lie: I kinda sorta get turned on by sex. I find it very sexual.”


adj. The very picture of restraint, involving no projectile primate poopoo.

Real citation: “I've got a date tonight, so can't do it, thanks for the offer, but I will start a thread in the ‘non monkey poo flinging’ section of the BBS to try to plan something for the weekend of the 21st or 28th.”
(Aug. 6, 2004,

Made-up citation: “’Monkey-poo-flinging or non-monkey-poo-flinging?’ was the ‘Paper or plastic?’ of the caveman, according to this guy in my dorm.”

Sunday, June 01, 2008


adj. Beblessedly beboobed.

Real citation: “Recently I have hired my own painter and she is working as a painter of my aristocratic court. Yes, Esq. Anshin is a noble behootered vampire babe, not just anyone!"
(July 31, 2007, deviantART,

Made-up citation: “Here’s an insight into the male condition: About a year ago, I had to flee the park mid-tornado, as the rain pounded and the wind howled, with my 12-pound dog and a woman and her pooch. My little dog could have been killed, and we all could have been hurt. This was truly scary stuff. And yet, I still found time to peripherally gawk at my behootered fellow dog person, in her non-bra-ed, storm-soaked, wet-t-shirt glory. Dudedom was mine... Ooh-la-sigh.“