Thursday, October 27, 2005

grain alcohol goggles

noun. When beer goggles just aren't enough.

Related terms: vodka goggles, wine goggles, rum and Coke goggles, Long Island Iced Tea goggles, weed goggles, heroin goggles, crack goggles.

Real citation: "Based on my years of research, consisting of viewing every episode of HBO's "Real Sex", and observing the type of people who generally attend swinger's events and sex parties, I'd say the key ingredient for success is grain alcohol. Yes, grain alcohol goggles are a must."
(Tree of Woe, Oct. 3, 2002,

Made-up citation: "When rose-colored glasses are combined with grain alcohol goggles, hide the kids and pet bunny!"


noun. This is sad, people. And important. And that's why I'm SHARING TRAGIC HORRIFYING FEELINGS ALL OVER YOUR BRAIN.

Real citation: "The following users are interested in overwroughtitude."

Made-up citation: "I avoid overwroughtitude, which isn't very manly. Plus, it doesn't go with my hair gel."


adj. Done by a doofus, or with a doofus, or to a doofus, or in the name of a doofus, or in lieu of a doofus, or just with a doofus-like flair.

Real citation: "OK, now you are just being wilfully doofusistic."
(Gzuckier, March 18, 2005,

Made-up citation: "According to the cosmic tea leaves, Aries, a sadistic sailor and a doofusistic doctor will appear Monday morning in the basement of a loved one."

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


adj. Two to twenty thumbs down, way down, so far down, maybe down below the sewer, the rings of hell, and Australia.

Related terms: spec-fucking-tacular, crap-fucking-tacular, rock-fucking-tacular, thrash-fucking-tacular, fab-fucking-tacular, fan-fucking-tacular, awesome-fucking-tacular, shit-fucking-tacular, bomb-fucking-tacular, crack-fucking-tacular.

Real citation: "so then i came back and was hit with the reality that i have a week's worth of school to make up. suck fucking tacular. yea. so i've been spending the last week frantically trying to finish all my work. and the fact that i'm all distracted by holiday-nearness doesn't help. yeah."
(Laura, Dec. 19, 2003,

Made-up citation: "So, do you feel on a scale of groovy to suck-fucking-tacular?"


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Tuesday, October 25, 2005


adj. Steadfast, true, and clean as a whistle-blower.

Real citation: "While we were imagining that behind the fortress-like doors of the massive building on McCarty Avenue in Albany all manner of X-Files type excitement was going on, it turns out that nothing of the sort happens there. Rather, according to law enforcement coordinator and acting media relations coordinator Lisa Massaroni, the FBI’s Albany office performs your standard, run-of-the-mill federal-agenty tasks."
(Travis Durfee, Erik Hage, Stephen Leon, Kate Sipher and Erin Sullivan, "Questions That Bother Us So," Online Metroland,

Made-up citation: "I love you, baby. You make me feel like a ferocious, fetching, federal-agenty, feral fireman."


adj. Almost but not quite like the purifying and minty waters of cleansing and rebirth that wash away stuff, according to the Bible or something.

Real citation: "When he gives Jack the water it seemed very baptism-ish, too."
(Snarkella, "2-1: "Man of Science, Man of Faith" 2005.09.21," Sept. 21, 2005, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Golden showers can rarely be characterized as truly baptism-ish...unless the showerer were a bishop and the showeree were a heathen."

Monday, October 24, 2005

holy mothersmurfing smurf

exclamation. A smurfed-up alternative to "Sweet merciful monkey balls!"

Real citation: "Holy mother smurfing smurf, you did not jus smurfing say that."
(Kazan, March 5, 2004,

Made-up citation: "When I found my new apartment--two blocks from the park and two inches from two sushi restaurants--I giggled and whispered, 'Holy mothersmurfing smurf!'"

meh on a stick

exclamation. A stickload or shitload of blah, bleah, meh, whatever.

Real citation: "Yes. Teenage boys DO suck. Meh, I say...meh on a stick!"

Made-up citation: "I love the NBA playoffs with the fire of a thousand burning nuns, but the regular season? Total meh on a stick."

Friday, October 21, 2005


adj. Kinda small.

Related terms: uber-gigantamundo, gigantamondo, gigantanormous.

Real citation: "However, the money lost from that terrible project would've effected the studio's other projects. While previewing would help wipe out the lower-echelons of movie crapitude, it would also likely wipe out or provide a near-fatal blow to the merely mediocre flicks, while only the big greats would be the only ones to continue raking in large amounts at the box-office. I think this would pretty much kill major cineplexes, meaning to see non-gigantamundo blockbusters, you'd have to travel 100 miles to the nearby small town with the crazy eccentric who keeps an old independent film house afloat."
(Elured, June 10, 2003,

Made-up citation: "The President's I.Q. is squarely in the non-gigantamundo range, though sources say he is hung like a rabid polar bear."


noun. A keen, canine-detecting sense.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, big dick-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money-dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, dorkdar, skankdar, freak-dar, ass-dar, zombie-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, "someone is staring at my ass"-dar, “Jesus Freak” dar, jailbait-dar, fake-boob-dar, catdar, ratdar.

Real citation: "Last night, while walking through the historic district, I saw a man exit a building with two enormous Great Danes on leashes. They were a soft charcoal color and one was relatively tall and thick, while the other was smaller and thinner. My dogdar went off and I immediately picked up my pace in order to catch up with them because if there's one thing I love to do while walking, it's stopping to roll around with any given canine; the droolier the better."
(Erin Dailey, "They're DOGS, not BEEMERS," Oct. 20, 2005, The Redhead Papers,

Made-up citation: "I hope my dogdar is solid and true, because my biological clock is ticking like a movie bomb clock for a dog."

Thursday, October 20, 2005


noun. Breastaciousness beyond belief, like a mega-mammary meltdown.

Real citation: "JT--wow, I don't think I'm quite at AH!'s level of boob-tastic-osity, but thanks a lot!"
(The Cure, Feb. 24, 2005,

Made-up citation: "In my house, I was taught to admire tenacity, efficiency, and boob-tastic-osity."


adj. This can be loosely translated as crack-infused, crack-propelled, crack-happy, or cracktacular.

Real citation: "She makes it crackadocious with her bizarro behavior."
(potzrebie, "Being Bobby Brown," July 25, 2005, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Crackadociousness is a nice quality in music and TV shows, not so much in neighborhoods and parental units."

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


adj. A wee bit unhappy--or a wee bit soaked with wee-wee.

Real citation: "anyway, im hungry, and i've written way too much again lol...cheers mate. maybe you'll feel better about the taka if you get copiusly drunk with some mates this friday of my best mates is mega mega uber pissed off at me so thats what im doin this weekend. i'll tell you how it goes lol."
(Snoogins, May 11, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Things that make me mega-mega-uber-pissed: politicians and pea soup."


adj. Lacking all Xena-ish qualities.

Real citation: "You know, this is very un-Warrior-Princess-like of you," the Bard said with a smile. "You hate to run away. Usually, you cook up some hare-brained scheme that's both creative and improbably successful."
(Talos the LargeBaldMan, "Something's Wicked, This Way Run,"

Made-up citation: "Sources say Harriet Miers is somewhat un-Warrior-Princess-like, which just makes me love her all the more."

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


noun. Wacky mental derangement of the batshit variety.

Related terms: cornballitude, goofballitude.

Real citation: "Also, I tend to think maybe Jonathan has a point when he says, "Grrrrrrrr!" before explaining that Hammaker's downfall was due to injuries, not the '83 All-Star Game and general nutballitude or something."
(Gregg Pearlman, "Is It Baseball Yet? Part 3," Feb. 15, 1998,

Made-up citation: "On the nutballitude scale, how would you rank a Scientologist, an Evangelical Christian, and a shithouse rat?"


noun. Sis-to-sis ew, or bro-to-bro gah, or sis-to-bro gak.

Related terms: cousincest, dormcest, housecest, dogcest, horsecest.

Real citation: "And the fanficcer suddenly decides 'Married With Children' siblingcest fanfiction is the REAL DEAL, walking away from the story, ignoring the clamoring cries of those left behind that run along the lines of, 'Now what!!??'"
(Mad-Hamley, Oct. 13, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Does anyone have a copy of the siblingcest episode of Family Ties?"

Monday, October 17, 2005


noun. A henchperson who scores higher on the scale than the SAT.

Related terms: henchdork, henchslut, henchgoon, henchvamp, henchdog, henchrat, henchscum, henchidiot, henchbabe, henchmidget, henchho.

Real citation: "His taloned hands curved into fists as he saw the Guardian flicker away, allowing Billy entrance into the caves. "Very well," he grunted. "Let Billy have his quest, let them all have it. .. it won't do any good when we destroy the Aquitian Rangers with Hydro Hog, and Rito and Goldar blow up the Command Center!" he laughed harshly; for once her idiot brother and his stupid henchmoron were doing something right!"
(Cynthia, "The Starlight Crystal,"

Made-up citation: "As Nietzsche said, 'In a man devoted to knowledge, pity seems almost ridiculous, like delicate hands on a henchmoron.'"


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Friday, October 14, 2005


noun. For enemies of the indictee, this just might be the most fun that can be had while wearing pants.

Real citation: "Hmmmm just as we are waiting for the other shoe to drop in the Karl Rove indictment-speculation-a-thon."
("BREAKING: Rayburn Evacuated... CONVENIENTLY," Oct. 7, 2005, Wonkette,

Made-up citation: "You always remember your first indictment-speculation-a-thon, much like your first gerbil in the caboose."


noun. A prayerful, orgasmic...uh, event?

Related terms: spasmgasm, ectoplasmgasm, geekgasm, assgasm, footgasm.

Real citation: "I have to say, after finally seeing Passion..., it comes in a distant 2nd to Jesus Christ Superstar as far as entertainment value goes. And hearing that many Christians had severe issues with the story accuracy in JCS, I found it rather amusing that its story contains no wrinkles that aren't in PotC, which the right had a collective prayergasm over."
(Chavez, May 23, 3005,

Made-up citation: "Despite Jodie's fervent prayergasm of violence, the bane/doofus of her existence was still breathing."

Tuesday, October 11, 2005


noun. Elmer Fudd's best friend in the war on terrorism. Or wabbits.

Real citation: "There may be greater moments of pleasure at the movies this year than watching, in "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit," a spiral of bunnies swirling around in the transparent canister of an ultra-humane bunny-rabbit-sucker-upper known as the Bun-Vac 6000. But I have yet to encounter them."
(Stephanie Zacharek, "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit," Oct. 5, 2005, Salon,

Made-up citation: "With a bunny-rabbit-sucker-upper, I'd be a varmint-swilling motherfucker."


adj. The puffy-lipped look that makes all the kids go "ooh-la-la" or "gaaaaaaaak."

Real citation: "Face texture and geometry needs a lot of work. That bottom lip is a little collagen-licious, and the eyes are a little too high on the head."
(Adam Atomic, March 28, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Every time a man, woman, or beast becomes collagen-licious, an angel gets its lips ripped off by God."


adj. Happy as a schoolgirl on crack?

Real citation: "True, this post violates our no-paysite posting rule, and you’ll notice that their code is a little buggy, but it’s the first time I’ve seen a fetish site so sexily fun-loving that it makes me want to step out of my bunny slippers and into a cheesecake just to see if it’ll make me straightjacket-happy, too."
("Serafina's Socks," Sept. 30. 2005, Fleshbot,

Made-up citation: "Things that make me straightjacket-happy: Peking duck, the first two seasons of Alias, iced coffee with too much sugar, corporate bookstores with lots of furniture, and the Sumatran rat monkey."

Monday, October 10, 2005


adj. A word that runs--in terror--in my family.

Real citation: "Smell is very grain-alcohol-y, chemical, and fairly tame. Very similar to most domestic macros."
(yemenmocha, June 10, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I'm looking for a gorgeous, generous, grain-alcohol-y girl who likes church and the Cubs."


noun. Bill Clinton.

Related terms: anus lickee, avengee, ball lickee, beatee, beatifee, besmirchee, betrayee, bitee, blow jobee, bombee, brainsuckee, burnee, car-jackee, clobberee, cock and ball torturee, complimentee, consumee, counselee, cradle-robee, crapee, crushee, decapitatee, disectee, disparagee, downsizee, droolee, excommunicatee, exorcisee, felatee, filmee, fist fuckee, floodee, Frenchee, gawkee, giftee, golden showeree, gropee, gougee, headee, impeachee, killee, kissee, lecturee, lickee, likee, litigatee, lustee, manslaughteree, massagee, mindfuckee, Mr. Horse Fuckee, moldee, molestee, moochee, motivatee, mugee, murderee, nursee, obsessee, oglee, pervee, pervertee, piercee, pimpee, pissee, poopee, predatee, promotee, purse-snatchee, regiftee, reprimandee, scoldee, shagee, shitee, shrinkee, skullfuckee, slashee, slaughteree, slobberee, smoochee, smotheree, sniffee, snitchee, spankee, stabee, stalkee, staree, theftee, toe-suckee, undressee, whackee, wooee, yoinkee.

Real citation: "Bumped, bookmarked and will be printed for the Clintonistas at work who fawn over the ex felatee in chief as the "Worlds President". With all that s##t going on, when did he find time to do anything Presidential?"
(cardinal4, May 28, 2003,

Made-up citation: "At the Ex-Felatee-in-Chief Presidential Library in Little Rock, I got my knob slobbed in the bathroom, which felt fitting, patriotic, and impeachablicious."

Friday, October 07, 2005

metric jesus-load

noun. Jesus Christ, that's a lot!

Related terms: metric buttload, metric assload, metric arseload, metric heinie-load, metric bootyload, metric poop-load, metric poo-load, metric shitload, metric crapload, metric fuckload, metric boatload, metric truckload, metric smurfload, metric cuntload, metric dickload, metric cockload, metric pantload, metric pantsload.

Real citation: "I've found that i can get to a game with nothing more than a game's core book, my fake book (with it's heavily annotated sheets) and a poke of dice. I remember all too well the dark days when i felt i had to bring a metric jesus-load of materials to a game in order to be prepared."
(Reverend K., "If you hum a few bars i'll fake it.",

Made-up citation: "For my robust health, prosperous children, and large harem, I offer a metric jesus-load of thanks to the Good Lord!"


adj. This describes a state we should all aspire to--despite our fuckwaddy genetic programming.

Related terms: fuckwadish, non-fuck-up-ish, un-fuckheadish.

Real citation: "I doubt I'll ever be much of a raider anymore, except for maybe the odd weekend day. Most likely, I'll be limited to a couple hours here and there. I haven't decided yet (from one play session) whether I'll buy the full game at release or not. Only time will tell. Whatever you all decide, I'll conform and remain conspicuously non-fuckwadish."
(Gohei, Nov. 15, 2004,

Made-up citation: "All animals are non-fuckwadish. It's what separates them from people and hobbits."

Thursday, October 06, 2005


noun. Mathematically speaking, a frigging lot, dude.

Related terms: bazillion, gazillion, flazillion, quatrillion, katrillion, bagillion, bajillion, kajillion, mazillion, zazillion, fafillion, kazillion, fuckillion.

Real citation: "In our jolly little courtyard I tried to go all Martha and ended up pulling a Tarzan. I've got a Key Lime tree, two jasmine, one buganvilia, a MacArthur Palm, a frigillion rapidly spreading ferns and a host of random, yet persistent, weeds."
(dillygirl, "Community, In The Worst Way," Sept. 26, 2005, The Dilly Diaries,

Made-up citation: "I can think of a frigillion more plausible notions than Intelligent Design: how about Batshit Design, Retarded Design, Despicable Design, Totally Wasted Design..."


noun. An ishy, gropy, public-display-of-affection-y state of affairs that the rest of us do not appreciate, thank you very much.

Real citation: "Did you see the look on Bobby's face after her little 'work me over' speech? He said, "Oh really" then showed her the microphone in the shirt. Makes me think that all of their all-over-each-other-ness is just for the cameras."
(ajra, "Being Bobby Brown," July 15, 2005, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "I prefer couples who eat their children to gruesome twosomes whose all-over-each-other-ness makes innocent bystanders throw up in their mouths. At least child-eating can be done privately with respect."

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


adj. Ambiguously yet kinda actually porny.

Real citation: "I've taken a lot of naked-sexual-whatever pictures of myself for him, and I'm not self-conscious about being photographed naked or even in sexual situations. I certainly enjoy my share of porn, and I'm not averse to giving back to the genre."
(Pondering Over Revealing Nudity, "Savage Love," Sept. 13, 2005, Village Voice,,savage,67765,24.html)

Made-up citation: "While taking a shit today, some dude in the next stall started making breathy and disturbing naked-sexual-whatever noises. I'd like to think there was a reasonable explanation: maybe he shat out a crack pipe, a delicious rock, and a handy lighter, and I merely overheard him breathing the sweet air of freedom."


noun. A diddly freaking ton o' diddly freaking fun.

Real citation: "Fun. Fun. Fun-diddly-freaking-un."
(Ice Hendrix, Jan. 20, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Nip/Tuck is not only fun-diddly-freaking-un, it's more fun than a frog in a glass of milk."

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

poopie woopie doopie loopie

noun. A good way to describe a poodle, a cuddle-monkey, or a turd.

Real citation:
so that gives me the right to say
and a poopie woopie doopie loopie!
(ZelosWilder_TOS, July 11, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I think I'll name my little adorable diminutive poopie woopie doopie loopie Brick."


noun. Look deep into the soul or wardrobe of a schoolmarmish sort, and this ye shall find.

Real citation: "There is inevitably Paul Rodriguez -- inevitable when Cheech Marin isn't available -- as a high school coach who liberates Leticia from schoolmarmitude."
(David Elliot, "Waste of a beauty," Aug 23, 2001,

Made-up citation: "There's a fine line between schoolmarmitude and nunitude, and it's a line you should avoid like a hot vat of ebola."

Monday, October 03, 2005


noun. In layman's terms, a proctologistette.

Real citation: "Every Good Bum Deserves Fingers (as the musically-inclined proctologistess said to the bishop)."
(jacaranda, Sept. 18, 1999,

Made-up citation: "When a proctologistess and a goat-ball-licker wed, everyone wins. Especially the goats."


noun. A keen, playing-with-confederate-money-detecting sense.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, big dick-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money-dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, dorkdar, skankdar, freak-dar, ass-dar, zombie-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, "someone is staring at my ass"-dar, “Jesus Freak” dar, jailbait-dar.

Real citation: "Did Mimi on Days of Our Lives get fake boobs? We're just up to the bit where Philip is going to rent her half of the loft, and as she stood there in her (awful, horrible) crochet shawl, I suddenly noticed that her new (glaring, orange) huge breasts were filling half the screen. Snookums was unable to confirm (and he usually has good fake-boob-dar). Any opinions?"
(Kristine Michelle Howard, Feb. 16, 2005,

Made-up citation: "With my fake-boob-dar and SAT scores, I feel I would be a fine addition to Mensa."