Monday, March 31, 2008


noun. Don't be so lonely and forlorn, jerk-wadditude. You have a friend.

Real citation: “You are peddling more dodgy dick-wadditude. I correctly label you a smarmy a$$-cloud because you imply that I am opposed to common sense, even though what I say is truthful and sensible."
(Jaab Tark, Nov. 16, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Geneticists have identified the gene for dick-wadditude, yet have no leads on the root of buffoonery, tomfoolery, shenanigans, or buttmunchiness."


present participle. Blah-blah-blabbering with a side of yada.

Real citation: "We know the interwebnetthing is bad, all right? It's bad for us and it's bad for kids. We encounter all manner of weirdos, psychos, perverts, freaks and assbananas. But enough about my blogroll! I know my kids are online and I'm fine with it. They have their profiles set to 'private' now (meaning they have to add you as a 'friend' before you can see their info and pics). They know not to put their last names and addresses out there. They're not going to run off in the middle of the night and meet John Mark Karr (they're too old for him anyway). Blah blah. But the schools are totally consumed with yap-yap-yappering about Myspace as if Satan himself runs the damn thing."
(Paula Light, Sept. 12, 2006, Ultrablog,

Made-up citation: "Cease thy yap-yap-yappering! Such prattle-boxing is offensive to Odin above, molemen below, and even woodland critters, who are usually a forgiving audience."

Thursday, March 27, 2008


adj. Not necessary in the depths of hell, but at least a scootch south of the carpet.

Real citation: "There is another undergroundy-ish thing that is hatch-like but not a hatch."
("Watch with Kristin,"

Made-up citation: "What darkness dwells in the undergroundy-ish regions of the male mind? Just some basketball stats, bad jokes, and where to find a cheap-but-delicious pizza bagel in NYC. Also, there's mildew."


adj. There is much gah! spoken here. Maybe even a gak. No guhs though.

Real citation: "Read my previous journal post for more info on UPDATES. I'm whipped right now, so I probably won't be able to do too much writing---if at alll. Forgive me because I AM aware of how long it's been since my last update. I've honestly been very bust and stressed with the midterms, cleaning my dad's house, fundraising, and doing my People To People homework. Gah-tastic."
(Jan. 22, 2008,!/)

Made-up citation: "On a scale of despicable to gah-tastic, I could accurately measure my sex life."

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


noun. Some brushes with fame involve a protein spill and a toilet brush.

Related terms: celebubot, celebubrat, celebucaust, celebu-chef, celebudrunk, celebudude, celebu-ex-con, celebufreak, celebu-gasmic, celebu-idiot, celebu-mediawhore, celebupod, celebu-rexic, celebuspawn, celebu-shambles, celebutard, celebutart, celebutot, celebuturd, celebutwin, celebuwhatever, celebu-wraith, golden celebutwit triumverate.

Real citation: “Interesting piece by Chuck Klosterman in this month's Esquire on “Four Ways to Save Sports Media.” In it, he compares the way the mainstream media has completely choked on its own celebu-vomit to the way sports media is heading down the same personality-driven path.”
(Jay Busbee, Oct. 8, 2007, Atlanta Magazine,

Made-up citation: “Don’t disrespect celebu-vomit just because it’s more famous, gorgeous, and swanky than civilian vomit. This is America, where all vomit is equal in the eyes of the janitor.”

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

colon rage

noun phrase. An anger so deep it could only arise from the bowels or the punctuationological sciences.

Related terms: word-rage-free.

Real citation: "Colon rage"
(Geoffrey K. Pullum, March 24, 2008, Language Log,

Made-up citation: "Don't fear colon rage: Don't even rage against colon rage. Breathe deeply whilst I fetch your slippers and a linguistic laxative."


noun. Oh, self. Sweet, sweet self. Me me me. Ooh-la-me. Excuse me, folks... Me and I need to get to know myself a little better.

Real citation: “OregonMuse cuts me deeply by suggesting ‘self-besmittenness’ is a made-up word of Beauchamperian pretension. I like to think of it as more of a nonce word, a term I found when I was looking up ‘portmanteau’ to see if I was using it properly. (Status: Unsure.)”
(July 30, 2007, Ace of Spades HQ,

Made-up citation: “A Presidential candidate needs buckets of self-besmittenness, zero grams of shame, and—for classified reasons—six fecal pellets from gelatinous zooplankton.”


adj. Fortified with good ol’ American steel and brand new terrifying nanoblahblah.

Real citation: “So, while the original version packed a punch, will this re-bionicized Jaime Sommers be more of a sucker punch to viewers?
(M.J. Hamada, “Bionic Women, Now and Then,” Sept. 27, 2007, BrooWaha Los Angeles,

Made-up citation: “I’ve lost twenty pounds, toned my abs, re-bionicized my buttocks, deforested my man region, sold a kidney, and grown a new thumb on my face. I’m ready to love again!”

Monday, March 24, 2008


noun. This dude can't even see the bottom rung of the corporate ladder. He's like, living in lint.

Related terms: henchboobs, henchbreasts, hench-bunny-men, henchchicken, henchdoofus, henchdork, henchgoon, henchho, henchmoron, henchnoncorporeal being, henchscum.

Real citation: “Thank you for the promotion, I shall endeavor to do my utmost to fufill your every need before you even know you need it. However, in order to perform these tasks you have assigned me and in light of my new position as 'Supervisory Henchgoat', I would like to request the ability to hire a few under-henchlings to assist me in my day to day duties. By providing me with four (4) under-henchlings I would be able to continue plan cunning traps and devious plots (see Tasks #23, 48, 56-97, and 103; attached), while using my under-henchlings to maintain and execute (if the need arises for wonton death) future activities.
(Oct. 25, 2005,,

Made-up citation: "I have taken too many trips this month... If only I could send underhenchlings to visit my family, attend scholarly conferences, and rob appropriate graves. Then I could relax!"


noun. A device used in conjunction, as recommended by doctors, with the self-depantsifier.

Real citation: “non carb eaters tend to have stank breath because of the ketones being consumed. invest in some breath de-stankifier for the long run.”
(Dec. 17, 2003, Starjewel,

Made-up citation: “Dating advice for boys: Go easy on the de-stankifier. Don’t set it to nuke with extreme prejudice. I wouldn’t roll in your own poo either, but if they love you, they’ll love your stank—and they’ll return for many whiffs of your sweet, sweet pheromajigs.”

Sunday, March 23, 2008


adj. Please, this is a family blog! Oh, it isn’t? Well, carry on then.

Real citation: “One of the hottest anal scenes ever filmed involves Jesse Adams and Lysa Thatcher in a multiple positioned, groin boggling episode in back door heat.
(Dec. 11, 2006,

Made-up citation: “The mind is the only aspect of ourselves that can be boggled. Some things are mind-boggling. Others make us say, that boggles the mind. But I wonder if other parts of our being or our anatomy could be boggled? Might a sweetheart boggle my heart? Surely some events are groin-boggling. Who could better boggle a soul: a demon or an exorcist? What would boggle a toe? An elbow? You can't answer my questions? Go boggle yourself."


noun. Next to this, balderdash is forthright, honest, and welcome on your mother’s nice carpets.

Related terms: baldercrap, drivel-poop, blithery-poop.

Real citation: “So then why was Caws so sour after the show? ‘Baldershit,’ he said to me afterwards. ‘Wuz a doggone pissaround. S'not what the songs should be. Mere compromised art tossed to familiar ears, our eyes on the watch while some rip-knees burn cloves outside waitin for the loud boys.’
(Oct. 24, 2006, Rarebit Radiogram,

Made-up citation: “The relentless baldershit of the Earthly campaign season makes me yearn for my homeworld, where leaders are chosen by a steel-cage tentacle tango, just as our forecritters intended.”

Friday, March 21, 2008


verb. Along with lightsaber-fighting and acting-teacher-demoralizing, a favorite activity in the Star Wars universe.

Real citation: "When Karl was all got-a-bad-feeling-about-this'ing, I SO expected Smoky to show up. But it wasn't raining. Where IS Smoky? We haven't seen him/her/them/it for like forever."
(Turik Karidan, March 20, 2008, "4-8: "Meet Kevin Johnson" 2008.03.20," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "With medication, my therapist says I can soon stop got-a-bad-feeling-about-this-ing. However, my tendencies toward dimension-hopping, universe-destroying, exorcism-performing, and ferret-deputizing are more problematic."


noun. A quality found in, and admired by, politicians and hellhounds.

Real citation: “And worse, they forget to acknowledge the evil Satanitude of Barry Manilow and Rod Stewart!"
(Aug. 16, 2007,

Made-up citation: "If we could only kidnap Hillary and Obama, and strap them to tables, and look deep into their eyes, and test their spinal fluid for levels of Satanitude, we'd be arrested."


adj. Characterized by a relationship to a foozamabob.

Real citation: "Based on rocketshippy/gakishippy/whatevershippy beliefs of whoever may answer to this post, what, in your opinion, would be the best ending to pokemon."
(Mystic Rose, July 15, 2003,

Made-up citation: "My new book Women are Relationshipular; Men are Whatevershippy builds a bridge between the sexes and then napalms that bridge."

Thursday, March 20, 2008


adj. Some actions are propelled by truth, beauty, or wisdom. Others have a goopier origin.

Real citation: "I didn't cry until I saw Shannon standing over her brother's body. It was very ironic, in that he stood over her broken body in his episode (although it was a goo-inspired vision), and now those roles were reversed."
(naters22, " 1-20: "Do No Harm" 2005.04.06," April 7, 2005, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "When choosing between faith-based initiatives and goo-inspired paradigms, I consult my crack-centric pipe."

Wednesday, March 19, 2008


noun. Like an ectoplasmgasm, but less sticky and more vengeful.

Real citation: “Instead, I took the scarf back to the girl at work. I said it was the only scarf that made me feel colder when I put it on. Zing! I was hoping she would cry and be mad at me. She did! She was! I swear I had a grudgegasm.”
(Andy Selsberg, “A Grudge Can Be Art,” Things I’ve Learned From Women Who’ve Dumped Me, p. 75)

Made-up citation: "My therapist is treating me for OCD, multiple grudgegasms, and a God complex the size of a Thanksgiving ham on steroids."

Monday, March 17, 2008


noun. A term considered offensive to jackasses.

Real citation: “Not at all surprised over this impeachment as my own congressjackass Robert Wexler keeps agitating for impeachment too. I think the large NY snowbird population contributes to it. And of course out taxes pay for the franking privileges of this purely political camel dung.”
(Dec. 29, 2007, Michelle Malkin,

Made-up citation: “When choosing between a congressjackass and a congressrodent, don’t forget to reload.”


adj. Decent-esque; beneficent-like; upstanding-y.

Real citation: “One has to wonder how the fuck George is doing. Having lost half of himself and all. Not that I ENJOYED Fred getting pwned, cause as anyone might know they're my favorite (non-evil-ish) characters. But yeah. Weasleys are cool.”
(July 22, 2007, Culture Slut,

Made-up citation: “I don’t need a hero. I just need a non-evil-ish, non-bunghole, non-surgical-glove-clad non-fugly-blubber-wad.”

Sunday, March 16, 2008


noun. Ew. In fact, mega-ew. While you’re at it, gag me with a nuclear catastrophe.

Real citation: “At dinner, eat an enormous and unusual amount of sourdough bread, or any other thick, moist bread that can be churned into a heavy gastric paste among the confines of your nether-testines.”
(Dec. 6, 2007,

Made-up citation: “I love you, Michelle. I cherish you from my hair gel down to my nether-testines. Why are you running away?”


noun. A dude or dudettte with conjugal duties who is a paleo-something-or-other.

Real citation: “Do you want to get married of course, who wants to be middle aged calling someone their ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ friend, you can't do that, you'll be old, you'll have to say 'senoircitizenfriend' 'oldmanfriend' or even worse”
(Jan. 2008,

Made-up citation: “Betty Lou dumped her seniorcitizenfriend, cut out the middleman, and started dating her father directly.”

Friday, March 14, 2008


noun. Counterterrorism just got fun again.

Real citation: "The Pakistani government, which promised a major counter-hubbub against those responsible, would not rule out a small-scale nuclear donnybrook.
(March 11, 2008, "87 Killed In Violent Kerfuffle," The Onion,

Made-up citation: "If Counter-hubbub Studies had been a major in college, I might have gone into clandestine government work or spandexy private crimefighting. Why didn't I have options? I hate being a doctor."

Thursday, March 13, 2008


noun. A genre of suckitude that is loathsome, hell-borne, vile, and debilitating. Often involves grad school.

Real citation: “Very sorry to hear about your anxiety attack--and can appreciate the soul-suckitude of having such an attack on your own birthday.”
(Adrian Bedford, Jenandtonic, Jan. 8, 2006,

Made-up citation: “Newly painted walls are enough to send my dog into a spiral of soul-suckitude, yet one dead rodent makes his spirit soar.”


noun. Sometimes a meatgasm goes too far.

Related terms: sugar-coma-ness.

Real citation: “I was under the impression that you'd have to be living in a bomb shelter (which would be a pretty sucky life) to have not heard of Katz's Delicatessen, one of the most famous and oldest Jewish delis in NYC, but apparently that's just because I'm food obsessed. The first time I passed the bright neon sign on East Houston and Ludlow, I thought, 'Ohhh, this place! The place with the meat!' I didn't think I'd ever actually eat there though, as the thought of ginormous meat sandwiches (and fighting a crowd of 50000 to reach the ginormous meat sandwiches) was a bit intimidating for me, besides that I've never been to a Jewish deli before. However, Wei told me he ate there and that it was awesome. Better yet, he'd go back for more meat-induced-coma-ness. AH HA, HERE'S MAH CHANCE!”
(March 6, 2006, The Girl Who Ate Everything,

Made-up citation: “Oh turkey wrapped in bacon… You are my partner. You complete me. For you, I would endure meat-induced-coma-ness, exploding heart syndrome, and arteries that drano couldn’t unclog. Come away with me, now!”

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


noun. A nice word for a fine mess used by mothersomethingers.

Related terms: clusterboink, clusterbop, clustercoitus, clusterduck, clusterfiretruck, clusterfornicate, clusterfrack, clusterfreak, clusterfrell, clusterfrick, clusterfrig, clusterfrog, clusterfug, clusterhump, clusterplook, clusterpork, clusterschmuck, clustersmurf.

Real citation: “That same big weather clustersomething also postponed Winston-Salem's game, and suspended Kannapolis' game tied at 2 in the fourth inning. Birmingham had the day off."
(April 15, 2007, Sox Machine,

Made-up citation: “How will the Democratic clustersomething end? And will it become a catastrosomething?"


noun. Adventures that are smart, non-allergenic, and a tad embarrassing.

Real citation: “The nudity sounds like a plus but what next- a musical based on Tony Blair's poodlecapades with George Bush or THE DOWNING STREET MEMOs. Imagine George Bush on stage, spray painting faux UN planes to ‘accidently’ fly over Iraq while singing ‘God Bless America.’ What a delight!
(Oct. 30, 2006, Petulant Rumblings,

Made-up citation: “Cease your poodlecapades! And return those pig ears!”

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


noun. This nookie lacks authenticity, cookie.

Real citation: “and now my brain hurts, unable to comment on teenage pseudo-fornication. i believe i have truly failed you all.”
(Sept. 3, 2006, Too Much Skunk in Your Junk,

Made-up citation: “Can pseudo-fornication be mathematically represented as getting to negative first base?”


adj. May involve one of those hats.

Real citation: “damn! and here i thought i was all knowedgable in Gilliganistic lore.”
(Aug. 7, 2007, Kneeboard Surfing USA,

Made-up citation: “I tire of my Gilliganistic role in this organization. Promote me to henchscum—or else!"

monkey balls nuts

idiom. A level of insanity hitherto unseen in the tri-state region, roughly equivalent to a cupboard of primate testicles.

Real citation: “LILI: he is fucking monkey balls nuts
LILI: wow
ERIN: Dude. I wasn’t kidding.”
(Jan. 15, 2008, The Redhead Papers,

Made-up citation: “As a summer camp counselor, I worked with kids who were disabled, disadvantaged, and monkey balls nuts. Since I actually enjoyed the polar bear swims, I related best to the third category.”


adj. Decent and honest and good and right and not even remotely fuckwaddy.

Real citation: “I'm happy to report that for this one fuckwad guy, I've assisted 20 non-fuckwad guys. Well, 19 non-fuckwad guys. There was this one exceptionally @sshole-ish guy, but he was really pretty to look I let his attitude slide! ;)”
(Feb. 12, 2007,

Made-up citation: “I’ll never be a great humanitarian, but non-fuckwad status is within reach, after surgery.”

Monday, March 10, 2008


noun. A trusty kajigger that solves your carpet needs and annihilates your enemies, while conserving valuable space.

Related terms: nano-bionic-whateverization, nano-cylo-std, nano-douche-bot, nanopoop, nanoschlong, nanosomethingorother, nano-souled, nanotesticles, nano-wand of love.

Real citation: “You can't destroy all the clone factories, I've made nano-factories that create and assemble small parts into fully formed JDiv's. It looks like spontaneous generation! I'm so clever...- Kemrain the Clever. And Modest, Too.*activates Nano-Destructo-Mat*”
(July 5, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I was depressed last week, so I bought a velour sweater, a nano-destructo-mat, and a mountain of refreshing crack."


noun. Even the infallible can get an upgrade.

Real citation: “Ah, the rapture as the holy vehicle rolls right off the stage onto the heads of a rock concert crowd or the ecstasy as he’s supported by thousands of orange-clad political demonstrators. Imagine the drama of the turbo-pope surfing a Mexican wave around the banked turns of a full football stadium.”
(May 23, 2005, Halfbakery,

Made-up citation: "Buy Turbo-pope brand pontiffs. They feature a crunchy texture, not too sweet, with natural flavors from real fruit and nuts."

Thursday, March 06, 2008


noun. And you thought Swedish pancakes were a delicacy.

Real citation: “Without a doubt, Swede-Pizza-Boy-turned-HOT-model-slash-Paris’-boyfie led a charmed life when he decidd to set his foot on the Stateside.”
(Oct. 13, 2007, Hilton Buzz,

Made-up citation: "Why didn't my guidance counselor tell me Swede-Pizza-Boy-turned-HOT-model-slash-Paris’-boyfie was a career option? Do you think I wanted to be an astronaut?"

Tuesday, March 04, 2008


adj. Sorta aliens-and-the-government-control-my-toaster-ish.

Real citation: “i'm trying not to sound all conspiracy-y here, (trilateralists? bilderbergers? shadow government established by the 1947 roswell alien visit?), but...he's not a stupid guy. i firmly believe he's advancing his agenda, whatever it might be....and the fact that we conservatives, his alleged base, don't like it means nothing to him at all.”
(Jan. 8, 2007, Riehl World View,

Made-up citation: “You don’t have to be conspiracy-y to believe that secret CIA fishmen are roaming the sewers and executing citizens right on their own toilets, Elvis-style. And it won’t help!”


noun. Every woman is a goddess of something. For a few, that thing is buttmunchitude.

Real citation: “My boyfriend's the buttmunch. So we've tried variations on a theme: buttmuncher, buttmunchee, buttmunchette, buttmuncher and now buttmuncheroo haha.”
(Dec. 17, 2004, All Poetry,

Made-up citation: “I come from a long line of buttmunches and buttmunchettes. I’m proud to say I’m the first buttwipe in my family.”


noun. A rack with responsibility.

Related terms: henchboobs, henchbreasts.

Real citation: “Worship Emma's hench cleavage- for it will rule the earth one day!!”
(Aug. 12, 2007,

Made-up citation: “I supervise the hench-cleavage around here. Quadriboobage and tri-boobedness are highly valued employees.”


noun. A recipient of the dreaded apparatus.

Real citation: “Big G√ľnther revives over-Mickey'd Humfried with a coffee enema applied with an elephant syringe, then Kit and Gottlob walk the enema-ee to the hospital. Foley tries to apprehend Kit outside the hospital entrance, at which point Humfried provides Kit with a perfect escape by presenting Kit to the waiting orderlies as the patient.”
(May 28, 2007, The Chumps of Choice,

Made-up citation: “So long as coffee is available, I shall never be an enema-ee. Sweet coffee! Laxative of the gods.”

Monday, March 03, 2008


noun. Oh, the humanity! And the kaboomboomboomboom!

Real citation: “Kyan used to be my primary alt until I rolled Choku. She’s the other char that transferred with me from Sargeras -> Detheroc -> Terenas. Been around for a while. Never gonna purge char, but don’t play her very seriously either. Human paladin. Currently lvl 27 or so and built for retribution with a big enchanted hammer of kaboomitude.”
(Sept. 27, 2006, Untitled,

Made-up citation: “As a pacifist, I’m voting for the anti-kaboomitude candidate. Oh, there isn’t one of those? Guess it was a bad year to stop smoking chicken bones…”


noun. A hatchet-jobby bio that hits its subject directly in the crotchish area.

(Thanks to Michael Quinion’s World Wide Words for turning up this word).

Real citation: “Books about George W have moved over the years from hagiography to mere slaghimoffgraphy, chronicling the supposed transition from titan to figure of fun."
(Peter Preston, Feb. 24, 2008, The Guardian,,,2259495,00.html)

Made-up citation: “In 2009, three hundred slaghimoffgraphies and only six sestinas will be written about Dubya, according to English professors.”