Friday, December 31, 2004

sweet merciful pancakes

exclamation. A sweeter, more merciful, more breakfast-y version of "Holy shit!"

Related terms: Dear sweet merciful God!, Dear sweet merciful heavens!, Holy sweet merciful hell!, Holy sweet merciful Mary McGillicuddy!, Oh dear sweet merciful Lord!, OH DEAR SWEET MERCIFUL MONKEY MUFFINS!, Oh my sweet merciful 7-11 nachos!, Oh my sweet merciful Buddha!, Oh my sweet merciful ferret lord!, Oh sweet merciful baby Jesus!, Oh sweet merciful fucking Christ on the cross!, Oh sweet merciful fucking Zeus!, Oh sweet merciful god in heaven!, Oh sweet merciful hell!, Oh sweet merciful Jeeezus!, Oh sweet merciful Jesus on a bicycle!, Oh sweet merciful Julie Chen!, Oh my dear sweet merciful baby Jesus!, Sweet merciful anal sex!, Sweet merciful bejesus!, Sweet merciful Buddha on a crutch!, Sweet merciful Christ on a bike!, Sweet merciful crap!, Sweet merciful delete button!, Sweet merciful divine!, Sweet merciful f***monkeys!, Sweet merciful force!, Sweet merciful fuck!, Sweet merciful God almighty!, Sweet merciful god in heaven above!, Sweet merciful goddess!, Sweet merciful heavens!, Sweet merciful Jeebus and his brother Harry!, Sweet merciful lord of crap!, Sweet merciful Lords of Chaos!, Sweet merciful marzipan!, Sweet merciful McGillicuddy!, Sweet merciful monkey ass!, Sweet merciful monkey crap!, Sweet merciful monkey-god!, SWEET MERCIFUL MOTHER MARY MOSES'S MANIACAL MONKEY OF MOTOWN!!!!!, Sweet merciful Mother Nature!, Sweet merciful mother of anything sacred!, Sweet merciful mother of cake!, Sweet merciful mother of cheese!, Sweet merciful mother of crap!, Sweet merciful mother of fuck!, Sweet merciful mother of muppets!, Sweet merciful mother of pearl!, Sweet merciful mother of Pete!, Sweet merciful mother of purple monkey!, Sweet merciful mother of the good Lord Yaweh!, Sweet merciful mother of Zeus!, Sweet merciful progress!, Sweet merciful Red Auerbach!, Sweet merciful Santa!, Sweet merciful savior in heaven!, Sweet merciful shit!, Sweet merciful spiffiness!, Sweet merciful toast!, Sweet merciful water pressure!, Sweet merciful Wayne Gretzky!, Sweet merciful webcam!, Sweet merciful Zeus!, Sweet, sweet merciful Jesus!

Real citation: "I'm not particularly partial to slash. But sweet merciful pancakes, that is hawt. Oh to be the on the receiving end of the tongue. Either tongue. Both tongues. Squeeee."
(ladycaffeine, March 15, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Sweet merciful pancakes! I wonder what a 'monkey muffin' is?"


adverb. Extremely so--in a crushing/vacating the bowels way.

Real citation: "Previous New Years come to mind in a slurry of bowel-crushingly embarrassing memories. Blowing chunks in a bin outside Leatherhead Leisure Centre, falling asleep at 10.30pm in an airing cupboard ripped to the gills on Malibu, weeping into a vol-au-vent at the passing of another year. To be honest, most of my New Years have been spent with my parents, rugs on knees and sherries in hand, watching people in Scotland on the telly having a really brilliant time."
("Previous New Years come to mind as bowel-crushingly embarrassing memories,"

Made-up citation: "What bowel-crushingly moronic decisions will I make in the year ahead? Me and my bowels (and my underwear) can't wait to find out."

Thursday, December 30, 2004


noun. A situation or state characterized by cluster-fucking or a cluster-fuck--and maybe even a Philadelphia ratfuck.

Related terms: bumble-fuckitude, sick-fuckitude, what-the-fuckitude.

Real citation: "We had debated whether to eat alone, because large groups descending on restaurants without prior notice can often result in extreme cluster-fuckitude. "
(Dichronic Reflections, November 11, 2002,

Made-up citation: "Follow the way of the Tao (and don't drive in Boston) and you shall avoid all cluster-fuckitude."


noun. A robotic-yet-seductive bucket of bolts and sex appeal.

Real citation: "Still, what's making this series so watchable is the 50/50 split between gurgling imbeciles and uptight tossers. With that in mind, and since it's Tuesday morning, let me predict the events for the rest of the week: on Wednesday, dim robo-seductress Michelle bared her breasts, then her bottom, then her breasts again, in exchange for a 10 pence IOU from Victor. "
(Charlie Brooker, "I'd rather watch Marco sicking up on the swings," Guardian Unlimited,

Made-up citation: "I got a robo-seductress for Christmas...I just hope she holds up better than my smoothie machine."

Wednesday, December 29, 2004


noun. A dance of spermatic proportions, resembling the beginning of life (or possibly the waltz).

Real citation: "The only time I laughed last night was, after remembering his sperm-wiggle from that previous ep, trying to imagine how Homer explained The Act to Bart. Other than that, I didn't even smile ONCE last night. "
(Kaboom, "The Simpsons," Nov. 15, 2004, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "The sperm-wiggle scene isn't quite as large as the contra dancing community, but it has its place."


adj. The essence of what being a butthole is all about.

Related words: buttholitude, buttholishness.

Real citation: "In other news, stupid Mr. Werner has gone overboard. He wants me to work Thursday and Friday. As if I don’t have enough to do already. He taxes my soul with his buttholery."
(GeniusPoetGrrrl_34, March 20, 2003,

Made-up citation: "Yes, I have a long history of buttholery, and true, I don't know shit from shinola, but I am very clear on the difference between chicken shit and chicken salad."

Tuesday, December 28, 2004


noun. The fact--usually a male fact--of being a doofus.

Related terms: anushood, asshood, badsasshood, bimbohood, butthood, damselhood, dickheadhood, dildohood, dorkhood, douchehood, dumbasshood, dweebhood, evil genius-hood, fuckheadhood, geekhood, harlothood, hoserhood, hunkhood, liarhood, loserhood, lushhood, motherfuckerhood, nerdhood, robothood, shitheadhood, skankhood, sleazehood, sluthood, sphincterhood, stonerhood, strumpethood, studhood, weeniehood, zombiehood.

Real citation: "Perhaps it is just because I am a male, but I don't see the pattern of universal male doofushood that you have seen. Perhaps you live in a defective area, or for some reason only know defective men."
(Grant Gould, Nov. 6, 2003,

Made-up citation: "My manhood may be in question, but my doofushood is beyond reproach."


present participle. Opening up wide for an airborne eyeball of fun.

Real citation: "Two zombie breasts. Six dead bodies. Blood-spewing. Zombie detached-hand attack. Hand spearing. Hand sawing. Flying-eyeball swallowing. Fruit-cellar demon attacks. Zombie axing. Heads roll. Hands roll. Everything rolls. Glopola City."
("Evildead 2: Dead by Dawn," from Joe Bob's Ultimate B Movie Guide,

Made-up citation: "Listen, the flying-eyeball-swallowing has been fun, but next time, let's just go out for doughnuts."

Monday, December 27, 2004


noun. 1. A female cannibal who is probably cute, diminutive, and frightening. 2. A female member of the press.

Real citation: "Not to mention one cannibalette. That would be Jackie MacMullan of the Boston Globe, who spanked Manny Rameriz for keeping the bat on his shoulder too much after Boston's twelve-inning 6-4 victory in game four."
(Stewart O'Nan, Faithful: Two Diehard Boston Red Sox Fans Chronicle the Historic 2004 Season)

Made-up citation: "I don't really think of my little girl as a rabid, human-flesh-chomping sociopath who should be put down like a dog. To me, she's just an adorable cannibalette trying to find her way in the world."


noun. Sex bomb.

Real citation: "What makes the issue extra nice is two friends and someone closer than a friend have articles in the issue. Holly Brubach, writing about that teenage Italian sex-grenade whose memoir was a bestseller in Europe; Suzanna Andrews on Huntington Hartford, the debonair millionaire who was leading a Trump lifestyle when The Donald was still in diapers; and a beautiful piece about fragrance designer Jo Malone, whose Black Vetyver Cafe cologne I dab lightly on my wrists whenever I need Inspiration."
(James Wolcott, "VF-ARAMA," Nov. 8, 2004,

Made-up citation: "I've never dated a sex-grenade, but I have dated a few sex-pepper-sprays."

Friday, December 24, 2004


adj. Douche-tastic; douche-ish; douche-esque; douche-y; douche-like; douche-tacular; freakin' awful.

Real citation: "Douche-er-iffic!
My friend Billy Manes writes an uproariously witty column for Orlando Weekly, in which he interviewed some actor with a band named "Jared Leto" in, what a coincidence, December of 2002. It's really funny. It seems I've heard of this actor...not sure where. Oh well."
(Lindsay Robertson, "Douche-er-iffic!," Nov. 18, 2004,

Made-up citation: "I wouldn't say I feel like a depressed doofus during the holidays--more like a douche-er-iffic douchebag."


adj. American.

Real citation: "We're Infidel-ightful!"
(Rob Bates, "New Slogans for America to Use to Sell Itself to the Islamic World," McSweeney's,

Made-up citation: "I can feel it--this is going to be the most infidel-ightful Christmas ever."

Thursday, December 23, 2004


adj. Just a little benevolent.

Real citation: "While I consider myself to be a benevolent-ish dictator, I have no choice but to introduce a battery of oppressive security measures: Frisking! Cavity searches! This easy-to-understand color-coded crime alert system!"
(Phil Ken Sebben, "Blackwatch Plaid," Harvey Birdman, January 1, 2004)

Made-up citation: "Since I'm feeling benevolent-ish, my assistant Mr. Ouchy will amputate only one thingy. Your pick!"


adj. Unmanly, but in a more casual sense.

Related words: dudism, dudery, dudeliness, dudedom, dudeness, dudette, dudess, dude-ish, dude-esque, duditude, dudeapalooza, dudeful, dude food, nude dude, uberdude, megadude, superdude, mini-dude.

Real citation: "Texting is a truly tricky form for the ironist - very brief texts are difficult to make ironic simply because it's difficult to inject many layers into seven words. However, if you write a very long text, because it's such a bugger to do, your extra effort suggests a sincerity - an undudelike urge to be understood - that sits all wrong with the irony. To get round this, forms like "(!)" and "Not" and "have evolved", but they're pretty dumb and basic."
("The final irony,"

Made-up citation: "If it's undudelike to drink bubble tea and listen to Blondie, then I renounce dudehood."

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

holy mother of monkey

exclamation. A more motherly, simian version of "holy shit."

Related terms: holy baby monkeys, holy butt monkey, holy frikkin’ monkeys, holy monkey balls, holy monkey bladders, holy monkey bollocks, holy monkey breath, holy monkey butt, holy monkey crap, holy monkey fuck, holy monkey nuggets, holy monkey shit, holy monkey spunk, holy mother bunnies, holy mother god, holy mother Molson, holy mother of all creation, holy mother of all that’s good and right, holy mother of Bob, holy mother of Cheese Whiz, holy mother of crap, holy mother of dog, holy mother of gawd, holy mother of God and all things holy, holy mother of Groucho, holy mother of hell, holy mother of jabbering God, holy mother of mercy, holy mother of monkey poo, holy mother of monkey shit, holy mother of pearl, holy mother of squick, holy mother of whores, holy motherfuck, holy sweet monkey dung hairs.

Real citation: "holy mother of monkey is it ever WINDY today!"
(Jutecat, Oct. 15, 2003,

Made-up citation: "Holy sweet mother of monkey! That's a good pickle."


noun. A sad state of literal or metaphorical wankery.

Real citation: "You are the quarry is not as good no where near as fucking good as the smiths. But its still better than alot of god awful wankosity that gets released. Plus it was the return of morrisey. Which is fine by me. "
(Goit, Aug. 18, 2004,

Made-up citation: "There were so many crappy, soul-sucking, self-esteem-shredding aspects of grad school, but I think the wankosity was the worst of them all."

Tuesday, December 21, 2004


noun. An orgasmic, spooky outpouring of ectoplasm and other ishy goo.

Real citation: “Oh, I loved it! I'm totally squicked--ectoplasmgasm in the mouth would require an entire tube of toothpaste--but it was fantastic!”
(Aldalindil, “Livejournal,”

Made-up citation: “How many Elizabeth Barrett Browning poems rhyme 'ectoplasmgasm' and 'terrifying spasm'?"


noun. 1. A state of being in sorta-great shape. 2. Semi-nudity.

Real citation: "Yesterday at work a bizarre thought occurred to me. A little voice in my head, the one that was responsible for my once quasi-buffitude, poked its head out from the rubbish I had piled on top of it and asked me, 'Why don't you go the YMCA today after work?'"
("girls have pecs, too," July 11, 2000,

Made-up citation: "Though quasi-buffitude seems out of reach, I think I can avoid a horrific Jabba-the-Hutt-like mega-blobitude."

Monday, December 20, 2004


noun. The qualities, features, lifestyle, essence, wardrobe, and/or lurid details of being a nun.

Related terms: nunitude, nunosity, priestliness, popeliness, lawyerliness, dudeliness, dorkliness, boobliness, turdliness, scumliness, suckliness, fuckliness, crapliness, shitheadliness.

Real citation: "Of course Buffy dusts the vamp in the end, and approaches the nun who is cowering on the ground. Buffy helps her up and starts to grill her about nunliness and 'abjuring the company of men.'"
(Ace, "Triangle," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Did I say lunch was chock full o' nunliness? I meant 'numminess.'"


noun. As peesome threesomes are to gruesome twosomes, so is a triple-ganger to a doppelganger.

Real citation: "UPDATE: Several readers write in to clarify. One says, "That picture is not 'the' Rod Stewart doppelganger I see regularly on the F Train and at the NYSC in the Crowne Plaza and going to work somewhere in or near the Times building. So maybe there's a triple-ganger somewhere." Developing!"
("Rod Stewart Doppelganger Update: Have You Seen This Man?" Dec. 2, 2004, Gawker,

Made-up citation: "I've been coping quite well with my evil twin, but now that my dastardly triple-ganger has emerged, life sucks."

Sunday, December 19, 2004


present participle. Trading or trafficking in penguins.

Related words: fear-mongering, hate-mongering, rumor-mongering, war-mongering, scare-mongering, hype-mongering, threat-mongering, peace-mongering, slogan-mongering, blame-mongering, panic-mongering, excuse-mongering, coup-mongering, scandal-mongering, communist-mongering, power-mongering, terror-mongering, noise-mongering, profit-mongering, ballad-mongering, nostalgia-mongering, list-mongering, malaise-mongering, fad-mongering, sleaze-mongering, doom-mongering, victim-mongering, gossip-mongering, publicity-mongering, conspiracy-mongering, sailor-mongering.

Real citation: "No. either fishmongering or even penguinmongering"
(Regal Eagle,

Made-up citation: "Though I do wish penguins were as plentiful and giddy as potholes around here, I don't think these accusations of penguin-mongering are well-founded."


adj. Roughly equivalent to "bootylicious."

Related words: bodaciously-boobed, bodaciously-buttocked, bootknockingly bootylicious.

Real citation: "Halle Berry has obviously started something with her lead role in the forthcoming Catwoman film - now the bodaciously-bottomed Jennifer Lopez wants a crack at playing Wonder Woman."
("Locked And Lo-aded," June 19, 2004,

Made-up citation: "I'll never be bodaciously-bottomed. I'll have to settle for terribly-topped."

Saturday, December 18, 2004

bootleg exorcism

noun. An exorcism performed by a priest (or other enterprising person) who has not been officially appointed to spray holy water and drive demonic beings out of their earthly hosts.

Real citation: "Up until the mid-1990s, there were only one or two officially appointed priests in the United States. As of 1994, my best sources tell me there was only one. Now there are a dozen closing in on 15. There was a tremendous demand for official exorcisms, yet people couldn't get them. What happened then was that a flourishing underground exorcism movement arose within Roman Catholicism where maverick priests would wind up doing bootleg exorcisms. It was the second best thing. "
(Michael W. Cuneo interviewed by Suzy Hansen, "The Devil's playthings," Salon,

Made-up citation: "I put my daughter through Catholic high school selling bootleg exorcisms on eBay."

motherless fuck

noun. A motherfucker/bastard.

Real citation: "What's this motherless fuck's name?"
(Tony Soprano, "Pax Soprana," Feb. 14, 1999, The Sopranos)

Made-up citation: "On Mother's Day, I told that motherless fuck that his mama's so dumb, she got stabbed in a gunfight."

Friday, December 17, 2004


noun. A dangerous breed, usually found in drooling hordes.

Real citation: "So one of my lurvely family members has decided that it's just awful my daughters have blogs (with photos, ack ack ack!!!) and has tattled on us to Grandma. Grandma has complained to Jeff about our lax parenting. Pretty girls! With blogs! OMG, stalkers! Cyberstalkers! Psychocyberstalkerpervs!"
(Paula Light, "Risk assessment," Ultrablog,

Made-up citation: "I believe the psychocyberstalkerpervs are the future."


noun. A more childish and child-friendly version of "apeshit."

Real citation: "We have some new rules and regulations that you’re just going to go ape-poopy for."
(Principal Skinner, “They Saved Lisa’s Brain,” May 19, 1999, The Simpsons)

Made-up citation: "The words 'problematic' and 'governance' drive me seven shades of ape-poopy."

Thursday, December 16, 2004


adj. Soaked in a delicate broth of angry male hormones.

Related terms: testosterone-pumped, testosterone-based, testosterone-fueled, testosterone-driven, testosterone-crazed, testosterone-soaked, testosterone-choked, testosterone-laden, testosterone-suffused, testosterone-centric, testosterone-powered, testosterone-friendly, testosterone-jacked, testosterone-gorged, testosterone-enraged, testosterone-poisoned, testosterone-injected, testosterone-oozing, testosterone-spilling, testosterone-spewing, testosterone-spraying, testosterone-spitting, testosterone-radiating, testosterone-sucking, testosterone-mongering.

Real citation: "Who knows when, or why, or how it all came about, but men historically have taken the lead when it comes to grilling. That being the case, the sport of grilling has come to be dominated by images of chest-pounding, fire-breathing, testosterone-marinated men out minding the fire while the women stay a safe distance back."
(Golda's Kitchen,

Made-up citation: "Our testosterone-marinated chicken salad is pleasing to the palate and the libido."


noun. Mounds, handles, and unidentified fatty objects that protrude or swing like yo-yo's from the bodies of men.

Related terms: old-man flab, old-white-man flab, girly-man flab, man-whore, man-spat, man-crush, man-pole, man-diapers, man-beast, man-love, man-toy, man-package, man-pile, man-smell, man-boobs, man-breasts, man-tits, man-teats, man-witch, man-flesh, man-root, man-balls, man-ape, man-leech, man-sphinx, man-fiend, manhole, mankind, manscaping, man-hours, man-eater, man cave, man purse, man bag.

Real citation: "Maybe you could take my man-flab off my hands. Er, off my chest that is."
(Lonewhacko, Nov. 4, 2002,

Made-up citation: "I'm winning the battle with man-flab, but I'm losing the battle with man-diapers."

Wednesday, December 15, 2004


noun. A belief system based on the goodness, badness, or something else-ness of humps or humping.

Related terms: humpist, hump-ish, humpy, humpfest, humporama, hump-happy.

Real citation: "humpism is not something to be proud of, lower-case lisey. the two-humped camels of this world have endured enough trauma already, i think it's about time you got over your bias and admit the equality of the two-humped camels. they will toil in your deserts unappreciated no longer!!"
(lower-case chris, Feb. 27, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Though it is hump day, that doesn't mean you can hump me. That is not the true meaning of humpism."


noun. A serious case of dumbass, butthole-type behavior.

Related terms: buttmuncher, buttmunching, buttmunchy, buttmunchery.

Real citation: "So Mad Props to Reggie Sanders and all the others who went out of their way to make this kid feel special in spite of an act of royal buttmunchitude."
(Gogo, "Mad poops," June 16, 2004,

Made-up citation: "I think it was Frank Zappa who said, 'There is more buttmunchitude in the universe than oxygen.'"

Tuesday, December 14, 2004


noun. A serious state of lameness; a lameass situation; a lame thing that is totally ass; a multitude of suckitude.

Related words: ample assedness, assedness, bad-assedness, bare-assedness, big-assedness, brew-assedness, broke-assedness, busted-assedness, candied-assedness, candy-assedness, cheap-assedness, cold-assedness, crack-assedness, crap-assedness, crazed-assedness, crazy-assedness, cute naked assedness, Disney-kiss-my-assedness, draggy-assedness, drool-assedness, droopy-assedness, dumbassedness, fancy assedness, fat-assedness, fatty-assedness, financial-kick-assedness, flat-assedness, foot-up-assedness, freaky-assedness, geek-assedness, general-wise-assedness, half-assedness, hard-assedness, haul-assedness, head-in-the-assedness, head-up-assedness, head-up-their-assedness, horse-assedness, iron-rod-up-one's-assedness, jackassedness, kick-assedness, King of the World-assedness, lard-assedness, lazy assedness, long-assedness, masculine-assedness, mean-assedness, nasty assedness, near-brush-with-great-assedness, no-assedness, non-fat assedness, pain-in-the-assedness, pansy-assedness, pissy-assedness, pompous assedness, pretentious assedness, punk-assedness, red-assedness, slack-assedness, slap-assedness, smart-assedness, sorry-assedness, stick-up-their-assedness, stubborn-assedness, stupid assedness, suck-assedness, super-bad-assedness, superhalf-assedness, tight-assedness, ugly-assedness, up-my-assedness, weak-assedness, weird-assedness, whiny-assedness, whoop-assedness, wise-assedness.

Real citation: "One cannot cure lame-assedness with lame-assedness."
(QueenAnne, "The Rambaldi Files: Speculations with Spoilers," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Sometimes, lame-assedness can be cured only with patience and a goddamn big hammer."

go bazonkers

verb. Go bonkers; go postal; go mental; go nuts; go wacky; go OJ; go apeshit; go batshit.

Real citation: "I heard about all these night clubs, and how they're pretty fun, but I know my mom will go bazonkers on me if I go to those, and I don't know who I'll really hang out with."
(Peter Byeon, June 28, 2002,

Made-up citation: "'I go bazonkers for canoli' isn't a catchy slogan, but it works for me."

Monday, December 13, 2004


noun. Recipient of slobber, whether sexually-motivated or canine-propelled.

Related terms: admiree, anus lickee, avengee, ball lickee, beatifee, besmirchee, betrayee, bitee, brainsuckee, burnee, car-jackee, clobberee, cock and ball torturee, complimentee, consumee, counselee, cradle-robee, crapee, crushee, decapitatee, disectee, disparagee, downsizee, excommunicatee, exorcisee, filmee, fist fuckee, floodee, Frenchee, gawkee, giftee, golden showeree, gropee, headee, impeachee, killee, kissee, lecturee, lickee, likee, litigatee, lustee, massagee, mindfuckee, moldee, molestee, moochee, motivatee, mugee, murderee, nursee, obsessee, oglee, peggee, pervee, pervertee, piercee, pimpee, pissee, poopee, predatee, promotee, purse-snatchee, regiftee, reprimandee, scoldee, shagee, shitee, skullfuckee, slashee, smoochee, smotheree, sniffee, snitchee, spankee, stabee, stalkee, staree, theftee, toe-suckee, undressee, whackee, yoinkee.

Real citation: "If you’re worried your fiancee will resent him, fine—but please tell me it’s not that she’ll fall for the leering coot. Granted, it happens, but you don’t prevent that by speaking to/scolding/muzzling Dad. You talk to your fiancee. As her future father-in-law’s designated slobberee, she has an opinion, I promise. Ask it, trust her to share it completely, then, together, decide what to do. "
(Caroline Hax, "Tell me about it,"

Made-up citation: "If you will be my slobberee, I will be your chimpanzee."


adj. Cuddle-monkey-oriented.

Real citation: "'She was unhappy, tired and feeling unloved. Those are bad odds for fidelity to begin with; add alcohol, and I can understand completely why it happened. Recipe for relationshipular disaster.'--One girl, to another, in the restroom of Cafe Pressario"
(Eve, Feb. 21, 2001, In Passing,

Made-up citation: "Though I have strong mathematical and spatial intelligence, when it comes to all things relationshipular, I am a 24-carat moron."

Sunday, December 12, 2004


noun. An insult applicable to those--including but not limited to penguins--with a certain pear-shaped posterior.

Related terms: assbutt, lardbutt, blubberbutt, bubblebutt, puckerbutt, wafflebutt, butthead, buttbreath, butthole, buttmunch, buttwipe.

Real citation: "Lonely women waiting...a recharged bachelorhood...and a stable hairline at fifty! I'm back, pearbutt!"
(Steve Dallas, Opus, Dec. 5, 2004)

Made-up citation: "What will it take to turn my pearbutt into an ass o' steel?"


present participle. Thong-flaunting; thong-wearing; thong-displaying; thong-mongering; thongariffic.

Real citation: "Undiverted, Alfred observed that what happened between the chief executive and the thong-twanging intern, though inappropriate and, yes, icky, was consenual; Schwarzenegger's advances weren't."
(James Wolcott, "Bungle in the Jungle," page 212, Attack Poodles, 2004)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'all women are thong-twanging strumpets, and all men are leg-humping shitbags.'"

Saturday, December 11, 2004

peesome threesome

noun. A free-peeing trio.

Real citation: "Restroom requirement eludes peesome threesome... 9:02 p.m. The combined intellectual prowess and bladder bandwidth of three men combined to pee-soak the front of a downtown variety store. Two of the three urine hobbyists were arrested."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Arcata Police Log - July 7, 2003," The Arcata Eye,

Made-up citation: "The Three Tenors were thiiiis close to calling themselves the Peesome Threesome."


present participle. Becoming more godly, god-ish, god-esque, god-y, god-friendly, god-fearing, bible-thumping, Jesus-humping, faith-based--and even religious.

Real citation: "For an update on the goddening of America, we turn to 'Faith the Nation.'"
(Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, Nov. 17, 2004)

Made-up citation: "My mom always says, 'If the goddening spreads to my brain, send me to the nuthouse.'"

Friday, December 10, 2004

doped to the nines

idiom. Mega-doped; super-drugged; fucking drunk; totally spaced; high as a really high thing.

Related terms: dressed to the nines, doped to the gills, doped to the eyeballs, doped to the eyebrows, doped to the hairline, doped to the tits, doped to the bone, doped to the ski-masks, doped to the core, doped to the clouds, doped to the hilt, doped to the max, doped to the high heavens.

Real citation: "Not so in the good ol' U S of A. Over there they have taxpayers money pumped into over-funded institutions filled with bearded hippies doped to the nines. When they aren't smoking joints or saying "Gee" these men perform bizarre experiments. The one featured here which I assure you is completely and utterly genuine, is a group of guys who held a cat up to hundreds of pictures of men, to see if they reacted differently to bearded and non-bearded men. "
("UCLA Hippies!"

Made-up citation: "I haven't been doped to the nines in my entire life. I made it to the sixes a few times though."


adj. Full of dread for that long, nummy, yellow fruit that is sometimes a metaphor.

Real citation: "I wish dp would eat banana. He is banana-phobic and won't come downstairs when I or dd eat one. Means we can't have them very often. "
(lucy123, "Mumsnet Discussions," Nov. 24, 2003,

Made-up citation: "My mom is banana-phobic and my dad is rutabaga-petrified. No wonder I'm screwed up."

Thursday, December 09, 2004


noun. An even more microscopic and emasculating form of shrinkage, whether of the weenie or nonphysical qualities. Also: major shrivelage, maximum shrivelage, mega-shrivelage, peener shrivelage.

Real citation: "Ok, so first off- EW!! I totally did not need to hear about your shrivelage! Secondly, why the FUCK would you tell that to a total stranger on the bus? And also? 'Manhood'? Who says 'manhood'?"
("How did I manage to ingore lj for a few days?" Jan. 30, 2004, Snark Hunting of Extraordinary Caliber, )

Made-up citation: "Though my hoo-hoo-dilly is an excellent specimen, years of grad school have left with me with severe shrivelage of the soul."

holy deep-dish fuck

exclamation. A deeper, dishier, more fuckish version of "holy shit."

Real citation: "Then they called, and ordered me to report to the J. Edgar Hoover Building in two weeks. I was hired, they said. Holy deep-dish fuck! Apparently I was going to live in FBI dorms, would be paid twelve grand per year, and they would put me through college. And after I'd earned my law degree I would be groomed to become an agent. I still can't believe it..."
(Oct. 31, 2003, The State of my Fat Ass,

Made-up citation: "Holy deep-dish fuck! That's a cheap Peking duck."

Wednesday, December 08, 2004


noun. A hissy fit/snit for two.

Related terms: hissy fit, hissy-snit, hissified, snit fit, hissy snit fit, pissy hissy snit-fit, conniption fit.

Real citation: "Shrieking mad Julia Roberts flipped her cork and flung hubby Danny Moder's PHONE at him during a hissy-spat at a pal's pad! Danny had left home to spend a few hours outside a buddy's house, helping him repair a racecar. Suddenly, Julia drove up, screeched to a stop and rocketed out of the car, screaming, "WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR #&@$^! CELL PHONE? . . . What's the #&@* point of having a #*$@!^ cell ...... "
("Julia explodes after hubby cuts cell-phone leash," The National Enquirer/Star,

Made-up: "We were having an intellectual discussion, not a hissy-spat!


noun. The very romantic act of fondling one's own tushie.

Related terms: Buttgate.

Real citation: "Sully's been taking a lot of heat for this auto-assplay after Maher's show this weekend. But you know what they say: If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. "
("Sullivan Approaches from the Rear," Nov. 9, 2004, Wonkette,

Made-up citation: "Auto-assplay, like smoking, is prohibited in the library."

Tuesday, December 07, 2004


noun. A talent for detecting highly-evolved sex monkeys.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, dykedar, Hindu-dar, Jewdar, fagdar, queerdar, homodar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, big dick-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, jailbaitdar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, ass-dar, asshole-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, "someone is staring at my ass"-dar.

Real citation: "Dear woopwoopkitty (woopwoopkitty?), Mr. Spader should be pinging your gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, sexual geniusdar. From what I've read, he basically views sex as The Final Frontier--something of crucial and central importance to be explored."
(idwtgtb, "Boston Legal," Nov. 9, 2004, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "My sexual-geniusdar must be on the fritz; all I ever meet are sexual shitheads."


adj. Wise in the ways of the vulva.

Real citation: “This straightforward guide to cunnilingus explains everything from odor to orgasms with earnest, educated wit. And while the vulva-savvy woman may already know that "the female orgasm is a complicated affair ... requiring persistent stimulation, concentration, and relaxation," there are few men that wouldn't benefit from the female-centric philosophy and techniques that Kerner advocates.”
(Corrie Pikul, “Go down, young men!” Salon,

Made-up citation: "It doesn't take a vulva-savvy vixen to know that any word with four V's is pretty cool."

Monday, December 06, 2004


noun. Roughly equivalent to "schmoopsie-woopsie-poo."

Also: pookie-wookie, schnookie-wookie, pookie-wookie-wuv, pookie-wookie-wuggums, pookie-wookie-waggums-woo, pookie wookie shnookems, pookie wookie bear, pookie-wookie boo-boo bear, pookie wookie butter bear, pookie-wookie-schmookie-bear, pookie wookie kissy wissy face, sugar-dumplings-pudding-cups-pookie-wookie-woo, pookie wookie cookie, pookie wookie dookie, pookie wookie pumpkin pie, pookie pookie poo, pookie wookie wookie poo poo poo, pookie-wookie-ness.

Real citation:
"oh now i get how this shit works
i am soooo smart
im not on the list but that means im being kept =)
I love my pookie wookie woo"
(xdysfunctionx, August 11, 2003, Livejournal,

Made-up citation: "Why can't I find a penguin-abusing, poop-chute-friendly, plumber's-crack-defying pookie-wookie-woo in Pittsburgh?"


noun. A grandchild--especially a demonic, greenish, slithery, horned, multi-tentacled, apocalypse-bringing-on grandchild.

Real citation: "Well, congratulations…you’re gonna have a grandspawn."
(Charles Gunn, "Players," March 26, 2003, Angel)

Made-up citation: "When your grandspawn sprang from my loins, I was just happy I had some holy water and the cheese grater handy."

Sunday, December 05, 2004


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noun. An orgasmic, spasmatic outburst.

Related term: ectoplasmgasm.

Real citation: “Another not-so-nice situation was recently discovered by a guy named Robert J. Jordan, who was denied a job as police officer in New London, Connecticut for being too smart. You might have noticed the media spasmgasm over this: After the department told him that he "didn't fit the profile," Jordan slapped the NLPD with an anti-discrimination suit.”
(Richard Christiano, “Briefing #5: Fitting the Profile,

Made-up-citation: "Did the Red Sox give my dad a happy this year? More like a spasmgasm."

Saturday, December 04, 2004


adj. Crappy. Like, really ding-dong-diddily crappy.

Real citation: "I took pictures, but they mostly turned out crap-diddly-tastic."
(Calamity, "Canadian Idol," Oct. 16, 2004, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "I hate people who say "proble-fucking-matic" when they mean "crap-diddly-tastic."


noun. 1. Someone who prays to and follows the sacred commandments of a particular rabbit, all rabbits, the Easter bunny, or another rabbit-like deity. 2. An overenthusiastic Easter-celebrater.

Real citation: "However, you should keep some things in mind. People in chats hate idiots. If you're gonna be an idiot, and harass other people, and use vulgar language, and be mean to them, and generally act like a dreaded Bunny-Worshipper, then do not use Our Holy Doors. If you use Our doors and then act like an idiot in the chat, you will get bad Karma and the Mighty Gerbil Deities will hate you forever, and you will become fodder for the Demonic Bunnies, and Dwarf Hamsters will nibble at your toes for eternity in Hell (and that causes excruciating pain!!), and you will never, EVER get laid, and you'll get fired at work and everybody will hate you and think you are ugly and stupid and mean and they will say bad things about you behind your back AND in front of you, too. We're not joking!!!"
("Our Holy Chat Doors," The Church of Gerbil of Canada,

Made-up citation: "Beware the bunny-worshipper. Help the hamster-worshipper. Respect the rat-worshipper. Chasten the chinchilla-worshipper."

Friday, December 03, 2004


adj. Said of information that has been spun in advance--to save time and fight evildoers.

Real citation: “This administration only wants to deal with intelligence that’s been vetted to support decisions they’ve already made. They’re tired of having to repeatedly misinterpret information the CIA gives them, so from now on intelligence will arrive at the White House pre-misinterpreted. It just streamlines the process, Jon.”
(Rob Corddry, The Daily Show, Nov. 17, 2004)

Made-up citation: "Never misunderestimate the pre-misinterpreting power of love."


verb. To become (or make something) less offensive to the nose.

Real citation: "So, this morning, I go down to the garage to check the car out. I figure by this time, the odor molecules have had at least 12 hours to de-smellify. I open the car door--like a punch in the face, the stench hits me. It’s almost as if it had gained strength throughout the night."
(Jerry Seinfeld, "The Smelly Car," Seinfeld, April 14, 1993)

Made-up citation: "It's hard to de-smellify your apartment when you can't smell a fucking thing, including gas leaks and former bananas."

Thursday, December 02, 2004


interjection. Sproingy cartoon sound made by suddenly erect nipples (or other fun appendages).

Real citation: "When you get a funnie feeling in your cat-box and/or you get COLD! your nipples go wa-boing!"
(anna and crystal, Jan. 15, 2003, "nipping out,"

Made-up citation: "With the Alaska-level air conditioning in this office, it's a wa-boing-a-palooza today."


adj. Simply giddy about our long, slithery, lizardy friends.

Real citation: "A snake-happy Angelina Jolie for a mother, a one-eyed, misogynistic father, Jared Leto in heavy eyeliner -- Oliver Stone flexes his brain to unriddle the great, bisexual conquerer."
(Stephanie Zacharek, "Alexander," Salon,

Made-up citation: "Snake-happy Steve Irwin has been known to say stuff about deadly reptiles like, 'What a ripper!' and 'You're a grumpy little Sheila!'"