Sunday, May 31, 2009


adj. Such innocent times, when puppies frolicked and no killer robots ran amuck. Alas!

Real citation: "I was surprised to see that the strip club the Tighs were at pre-Cylonpocalypse was full of women gyrating around stripper poles, and no men. Are we supposed to think that suddenly once on Galactica, gender dynamics changed? Or was it just a throwaway stereotypical signifier of a 'dissolute' society?"
(March 24, 2009, Hoyden About Town,

Made-up citation: "My sex life was better pre-Cylonpocalypse. Something about the obliteration of 99% of humanity really harshed my mellow, and there's not enough Barry White in the galaxy to make it better."

Saturday, May 30, 2009


adj. Caution: May contain Nintendo-like substance.

Real citation: "New update today! I'm so pumped for this, guys. I can't believe I'm playing my own Nintendo-ish-esque-kinda-sorta game. The flashing part after you get hit was the hardest part so far, but I knew I wanted it bad enough to keep trying! Woohoo! :D"
(May 1, 2009, Flickr,

Made-up citation: "My dream is to make organ harvesting cool for the next generation. I may still be using a syringe and can opener, but my innovations in the organ-harvesting process will soon make this noble profession Nintendo-ish-esque-kinda-sorta. And someday, I'll be able to swipe your spleen via Twitter."

Friday, May 29, 2009

quad-whatever the hell it is-angle of doom

noun phrase. Love, TV-writer-monkey-style.

Real citation: "I don't see him going back to Kate when this is over but the writers (for reasons only known to them) seem to love the quad-whatever the hell it is-angle of doom."
(May 18, 2009, "5-17: "The Incident Part II" 2009.05.13," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Recent studies show the quad-whatever the hell it is-angle of doom type of romantic convergence is roughly a bazillion times more prevalent on TV than in real life, at least my real life. Jeez, I'm lucky to be in a twosome of blah; some nights I can't even get myself interested in a onesome of magic."

Thursday, May 28, 2009

batshit burger

noun. A valid alternative to eating your crazy flakes.

Real citation: "i guess it just proves he has nothing to go after people with. its one thing to go on the defensive but he goes on the attack..and when you do that you need some kind of dirt or leverage to attack with, but he dosent, he just reaches for anything he can. i think its his secret crazy sauce for his batshit burger."
(July 8, 2008, Comic Books Resources Forums,

Made-up citation: "Maybe I've been eating too many batshit burgers, but I'm seeing people in goddamn The North Face jackets everywhere. It's annoying, but also inspiring. Wait till this time next year, when everyone will be wearing my clothing line: The South Ass."

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


adj. Unholy got kicked up a notch.

Real citation: "giganto-devil un-mega-holy aliance tour:
Lamb of God
Black Dahlia Murder
I would die a happy man."
(April 16, 2009, Metal Underground,

Made-up citation: "My social club--The Secret Cult of The Goat's Blood and Satanic Unmentionables--has gotten such a bad rap. People think we are evil and un-mega-holy. Nothing of the sort is true! Prejudice is such an ugly thing. Don't you know we have a black President now?"

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


adj. An era that makes yore seem downright newfangled.

Real citation: "So I was walking around the neighborhood yesterday and people just couldn't keep their lips off me! Not since the days of yore, nay, pre-yore!, have I had such an incredible experience. It was as if my cheeks were comprised entirely of malnourished 3rd world children and other peoples' lips were hungry fruit flies. Luckily I had my personal photographer, Muhammed "Power Word: Stun" Smith, with me to document the truly monumentous event."
(July 6, 2005, Throwing is the New Rolling,

Made-up citation: "I used to have abs of steel and legs that went all the way down to the floor, but that was pre-yore. Yore was not kind. Damn you, yore!"

Monday, May 25, 2009


adj. A word that has never described me. All my banana larceny involves the real thing. That's just how I was raised.

Real citation: "Wanted in Wisconsin: Fake-Banana-Stealing Bandit in Gorilla Suit"
(May 22, 2009, Fox,,2933,521304,00.html)

Made-up citation: "The fake-banana-stealing eagle isn't as terrifying as the monkey-eating eagle, unless you happen to be a fake banana. Fun fact: one in six people are actually fake bananas, despite their cunning and convincing human-esque-ish-like appearance."

Sunday, May 24, 2009


noun. A powerful force, coursing through the veins of toddlers, puppies, Wheaties, and Satan.

Real citation: "Evan also talks very LOUD. Since I used to do this as a child, you would think I understood. Well, my yelling was due to hearing loss. His is due to enhanced tot-tosterone. This kid is loud, plays rough and is an all around boy. Nothing like me and my brothers. I think we are in for a change on this one."
(Oct. 6, 2007, A Yankee and a Southerner,

Made-up citation: "New parents often struggle to deal with their children's tot-tosterone. If you can't keep up with your young child, I can sell that child on Craigslist, for a small fee. I also offer piano lessons."

Saturday, May 23, 2009


adj. Like beJuicyFruited, but less juicy, less fruity, and almost 65% more hobo-y.

Real citation: "Stepping out, Charlie takes in a long breath of the good city air, holds it for a second with a sour look, and sputters. 'Bloody 'ell,' he starts, then notices the behoboed man before him. He quirks an eyebrow and tips up his hat at the obviously younger person. 'Woss all this then?' He gives him a firm look. 'You look a bit down on yer luck, 'guv. Wossamatta? Econ'my in the Thames? Wife left ya? She was a sneaky sort, weren't she? Always givin' the milk man funny looks. And ya know what kinda looks I'm referrin' ta.'"
(Jan. 25, 2003, Warehouse 23,

Made-up citation: "Would you rather be a behoboed mole man or a be-mole-man'd hobo? Answer carefully. Your answer shall determine your destiny forevermore. And beyond!"

Friday, May 22, 2009


adj. Capable of spawning a cutepocalypse and -y suffix mayhem.

Real citation: "also, my OTHER friend keeps bringing her stupid dog over here....I think she is trying to make me like it so I will keep it! but I am gonna be tough!! even if it IS too cute and all puppy-y (puppyish?) anyway...I don't NEED another dog!!"
(Feb. 26, 2008, Messages From the Heartland,

Made-up citation: "Even an old dog will act puppy-y in the right circumstances, which probably don't include a polar bear."

Thursday, May 21, 2009


verb. A service performed by great humanitarians and evil supervillains alike.

Real citation: "Not until sometime next week (if, by then, the site lives), and will probably take place over AIM. I'll shoulder the actual validating by myself for a short time, to give other potentials the chance to read and get acquainted with the site rules. I've got them written up, but they're in the process of being de-boring-ified and understandable-ified. I guess what I could do if people express interest this early on in validating is open up a discussion on AIM about the rules and get some help in concreting them. That'd be cool, and it would definitely speed up your process in getting to work in the Queue. :)"
(May 1, 2009, Brittany Payne, Livejournal,

Made-up citation: "After watching Star Trek, I feel as if a vast, empty wasteland of snooze-inducing nonsense has been completely de-boring-ified. And you can't beat Captain Kirk fraking a green alien babe. USA! USA!"

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


adj. When omelettes go kaboom, it's the bacon that suffers.

Real citation: "'A dozen Faberge’ eggs.' A menacing voice said. Stepping out from the shadows, Egghead smiled forebodingly as he crossed his arms. 'Egg-celent,' he sneered, 'This will be my most egg-splosive plan yet! The only thing that may hamper it from hatching is that new dirty do-gooder, Batwoman.'"
(July 9, 2007, Livejournal,

Made-up citation: "I prefer an egg-splosive evangelist to a poopy-ridden parishioner. That's just how I was raised."


adj. What do I look like, a tit-for-tat-ologist? You figure it out.

Real citation: "So, in the second year, people started writing specifically anti-tit-for-tat algorithms, trying to beat last year’s winner. And, being the sort of people they are, anti-anti-tit-for-tat algorithms, and anti-anti-anti-tit-for-tat algorithms, and so on."
(April 9, 2009, Enfranchised Mind,

Made-up citation: "Dr. Vargas, I grow tired of your anti-anti-anti-tit-for-tat paradigms, which are exceedingly problematic! Your zombie army is a real headache too."

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


noun. A year I remember like it, a loooooong goddamn time ago.

Real citation: "From what I can find, the type-specimen (the fossil found in Germany's Neander Valley back in the 185whatever) has not been accurately dated. It's range is given at 30k - 100k. I suspect it is towards the younger end of that scale. mtDNA was recovered from it,, as well as from a juvenile Neandertal iin Russia dated at 29K"
(Oct. 30, 2003, FRDB,

Made-up citation: "In 185whatever, Benjamin Franklin invented socks. Or he was the first American to wear socks. Or he strangled his young children with a sock. Or whatever. I'm not a historian! I just work here, God damn you all."

Monday, May 18, 2009


noun. Balls of steel. Very, very small steel that no one can see, except for leprechauns and protons.

Real citation: "I dunno. Judging from his name and his pissy attitude, I'd think he must have nano-nads."
(June 19, 2003, Too Much To Dream,

Made-up citation: "You may think I--as a lifelong coward--have nano-nads, but, well, um, er, uh... My dog doesn't have any nads at all, because he's neutered. So there. Also, if you really want a precise measurement of my testicular endowment, you'd better ask your mom."


adv. Commonly applied to would-be romances and entertainment products. Its origins are unknown; some speculate that the word originally referred to tragedy on the high seas.

Real citation: "Dinner at Millennium (thanks for the rec,@grubreport): delicious, AND seated next to trainwreckaliciously pretentious first date."
(May 7, 2009, SarahDBunting, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Thus far, my career in organ harvesting has been trainwreckaliciously bad. Talk about a rookie mistake: I grabbed a lung when I was looking for a spleen! Me and my mom had a long laugh about that one, after she regained consciousness."

Sunday, May 17, 2009


noun. I don't know who this dude is or what he wants, but he just flipped my stomach with the gastro-spatula. And it feels right.

Real citation: "Piper went to the doctor yesterday. She still has a fungus in her hair follicles causing a slight balding patch. The problem is that to treat it, you have to take oral fungal medication. Her bloodwork showed that some of her liver levels were high, and the medication would affect that further. The doctor was going to talk to a gastro-something-something-ologist to check on her levels and what that means. There were 2 that were high, while 2 others that involve liver function were fine. She was unsure what that meant. We are still waiting on her stool sample (ick) results, so maybe there is a parasite we don't know about. Hopefully we get that soon.
(Aug. 22, 2007, Heart in Africa,

Made-up citation: "Call the gastro-something-something-ologist! I just swallowed a live ferret, and I think it ate my spleen. Don't judge me."

Saturday, May 16, 2009


adj. Would Snow White approve? Maybe after a few drinks and a tasteful dwarfsploitation film.

Real citation: "um....b....i thought you were sending me your debaucheristical!"
(Dec. 13, 2007, RootZoo,

Made-up citation: "My lifestyle is not exceptionally debaucheristical... But I got a pint of Ben & Jerry's and the Tropic Thunder DVD, so I say whoo-hoo!"

Friday, May 15, 2009


adj. Jiggle enthusiasts, look elsewhere!

Real citation: "Dorie says to bake for 40 to 45 minutes, or until they jiggle only in the center. I set the timer for 40 minutes and went off to get the kids into bed. I did not even think about the custards again until the timer went off after 40 minutes. Well, apparently my oven is running hot these days, because by the time I got there, it was evident that I had missed the 'jiggly only in the center' stage by a long shot. My custards were not only not 'jiggly in the center,' they were, I kid you not, the Jessica Biel of spoon desserts, i.e., not jiggly anywhere. Which is great for you if you are Jessica Biel, but very, very bad if you are a custard. Because this is what happens when you stir up a not-jiggly-anywhere custard:"
(March 10, 2009, The Tortefeasor,

Made-up citation: "Though I am renowned for my award-winning, soul-nourishing fiction and improbable feats of unbridled athleticism on the lacrosse field, I am most proud of my not-jiggly-anywhere physique, which you too can obtain with daily supplements of unholy nanotechnology--they will also put a rabid bear in your underwear, if you know what I mean."

Thursday, May 14, 2009


adj. Even to a layperson or sedated gorilla, this sounds freaky.

Real citation: "Hmmm...I'll have to check it out, too! i've been lurking on a few boards more lately. Not that I don't love you ladies!! I was looking at the debate board a little while ago about the crazy girly who had like 10 accounts on there and got banned! Fuh-reaky deaky!"
(May 15, 2008, Bulletin Board Community,

Made-up citation: "Do you want to hear something completely, totally, twistingly fuh-reaky-deaky? Well, look elsewhere, pal. I don't go for that sort of thing. Now let me finish this milk and goat's-blood smoothie in peace."


noun. One of the five worst 'pocalypses in the tri-state area, according to local weatherpeople.

Real citation: "I cry J'ACCUSE and stick my fiery sword of vengeful death into this entire posting! MARTIN!!!!! Don't accuse DDOT of beating a term to death when every neophyte staff writer at DCist gets 'the memo' requiring them to attaches the 'pocalypse anytime (1) anyone offers any free food item or (2) some sort of weather event occurs. To wit:
Lettuce-pocalypse (seriously???)
Cupcake-ocalypse (nice phraseology on that one)
ca-ca-pocalypse (Monkey inspired?)
kimchi-pocalypse (targeted at a specific audience)
bindle-pocalypse AND
my personal favorite
the port-o-potty-pocalypse.
I am going to instruct Monkey to poo on the head of the next violator."
(April 14, 2009, DCist,

Made-up citation: "I don't know which book of the Bible foretells the looming port-o-potty-pocalypse that will threaten all we hold dear, but I'd like to option the movie rights."

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


noun. A consumer of meat, fish, vegetables--heck, maybe even poo--but no nostril monsters whatsoever.

Real citation: "The Heinrich eats snot one is not logically sound.
Only fools eat snot
Heinrich is a fool
.... does not follow that Heinrich eats snot. Because while Fools are the only consumers on the snot-market, and Heinrich is a fool, It does not establish that there could not be a fool who is another type of eater. A non-snot eater. Perhaps a hippo-eater or a sushi-eater."
(Dec. 31, 2007, Will Type for Food,

Made-up citation: "I've never dated a vegan or non-snot-eater. I wonder what it would be like..."

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


noun. That's Mister Pinko-Atheist-in-Chief, thank you.

Real citation: "Most Presidents, including Ike, Nixon, Ford and Reagan, signed a proclamation and got back to work running the free world. W had a big morning interfaith get together with ministers, priests, rabbis, and Zoroasterian clergy, whatever they are called.
So, Slats is going back to the old way, and that makes him Pinko-Athiest-in-Chief for some folks. From the article…"
(May 6, 2009, Roger Grey, Wake-up Call,

Made-up citation: "In this country, anyone can grow up to be the Pinko-Atheist-in-Chief, a bounty hunter, or the creator of a new and horrifying film genre, like mooseploitation. That's what makes America America. Suck on that, rest of the world."


noun. A powerful force fueled by inherent whackaloonism and a steady diet of crazy flakes.

Real citation: "If he's picked Lieberman, he'd have Joe-mentum. Instead, he has Batshit-mentum. Weee-doggies!"
(Sept. 8, 2008, The Erin O'Brien Owner's Manual for Human Beings,

Made-up citation: "Few mammals have more batshit-mentum than my dog, who has been cuckoo for crack puffs his whole life and shows no signs of turning to the non-loonball side of the force."

Monday, May 11, 2009


noun. A Hulk-smashy hissy-snit that starts deep in the gonads.

Real citation: "Back in the mid-'90s, I worked at an FM Top 40 radio station and when I was hired, the program director asked that I use the pseudonym 'Cunningham' because my actual last name sounded too ethnic and was difficult to spell.
So you can imagine my Hulk-like testosto-rage when I read this story:"
(April 9, 2009, Bob Cesca's Awesome Blog,

Made-up citation: "It isn't easy containing the fiery maelstrom of testosto-rage that boils deep beneath my--uuuuuuuuuurp. Whew, never mind, I feel much better now."


noun. Technically speaking, a 4-alarm, 24-carat, code-orange, restaurant-quality catastro-smurf.

Real citation: "Yes. everything going on lately is just one catastro**bleep** after another."
(April 15, 2007, Adult Swim,

Made-up citation: "Dating is a tough business... You never know if a soulmate or a catastro-bleep is around the corner. Plus, if your father was prolific, dating your sister is almost inevitable, and that's enough to make the baby Jesus gag himself with a spoon."

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Deady McDeadsty

noun phrase. Deado McDeadski.

Real citation: "Bummer to be us, then. 'Virtuality' -- Deady McDeadsty. And no more 'Dollhouse' for us, I'm guessing."
(May 9, 2009, Maureen Ryan, Chicago Tribune,

Made-up citation: "Someday, I will be Deady McDeadsty. Until then, I'll be doing your wife. Sorry, bro."

Saturday, May 09, 2009


noun. She brings tidings of doooooooooom! And a really subprime casserole.

Real citation: "we have so many thoughts in common. i've wanted to do one like this for some time, an apoco-babe, a scoot, and a looming monster amidst a lanscape of highway overpasses."
(March 13, 2009, Flickr,

Made-up citation: "Sorry ladies, but I only date apoco-babes. Commitment issues, I guess."

Friday, May 08, 2009


noun. Hey, at least I didn't post this on Mother's Day. I have some standards, you barbarians!

Real citation: "If you've read recent-ish Facebook Status Updates, or if you're my mom and have had this discussion with me, you already know that I'm in the market for a Mom-Stitute.
In fact, I think a whole army of Mom-Stitutes are in order. (Before I proceed, I should probably clarify that a Mom-Stitute would be a SUBstitute for a Mom...not anything to do with institutes or prostitutes. Just so we're clear.) There should be a hotline you can call the moment you know you'll be taking a trip down Sick Road, and your Mom-Stitute will arrive promptly to care for your children."
(April 2, 2009, The Rose Garden,

Made-up citation: "Today's consumers expect every mom-stitute to be a MILF, and every man to be a Batman. No wonder God sent swine flu to kill everyone, except the underground pig-men, who shall reign supreme! USA! USA!"

Thursday, May 07, 2009


noun. A paleo-giraffe?

Real citation: "There was something about the orange crayons. They were always the first to go, like the front line of soldiers in a bloody battle. They didn’t stand a chance against Bill. Tom watched as Bill whittled away another one of the wax sticks with enthusiasm, filling up yet another orange dinosaur. It was big, with elephant feet and vines hanging out of it’s mouth. A long-neck-asaurus or something. Simone had bought them both coloring books at the grocery store, but Bill had already scribbled over his own pages and was now making quick work of Tom’s dinosaur book. Tom didn’t mind. Whatever it took to keep Bill in good spirits was usually worth the cost, and today it was a newsprint coloring book. Today was cheap."
(May 5, 2008, Livejournal,

Made-up citation: "Before my current position as exorcist-in-residence for Macy's, I used to kill terrorist-controlled long-neck-asauruses for a shadowy government organization. Now that was a great way to meet women."

Wednesday, May 06, 2009


adj. Melodic--or at least not much like a piledriver administered to my skull by Lou Ferrigno on crystal meth.

Real citation: "I'm not familiar with KLH but Cerwin Vegas are notorious party speakers, loud and cheap, and you can find them in many a frat house precisely for that reason. Not exactly designed for classical, jazz, or otherwise non-thrashy, non boom-boom-boom music that requires solid mids and natural highs."
(March 20, 2005,,

Made-up citation: "I've made millions in the music industry, penning classic tunes in the boom-boom-boom and non-boom-boom-boom genres. For my next career, I'm giving competitive eating a spin. Mother always told me my stomach was destined for greatness. Or was that my spleen?"

Tuesday, May 05, 2009


noun. A serious buzz shackle. Buzz shackler? I'm not good at conjugating buzzes.

Real citation: "Of course, his choices were Team A: Twitchy and perhaps crazy Dan, and everything-ruiners Jack & Kate. Or Team B: Kick-ass Sawyer, Sure-shot Juliet, Steady Eddie Jin, and his new BFF, Hurley."
(April 30, 2009, "5-14: "The Variable" 2009.04.29," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "I hate to be an everything-ruiner, but we just nuked your gazebo, which held all that you hold dear. Sorry about that. We're hoping random nuclear incidents jumpstart the economy."

Monday, May 04, 2009


noun. An expert in the opto-mole-ma-logical arts.

Real citation: "'Good luck!' The guy who was with Joe said as he hurried away. 'Yeah, thanks a lot, Kevin!' Joe yelled back to him. 'C'mon, the opto-mole-ology-ist...uh... person's office is right over there.' He led Gabi to the ophthalmologist's office to get get some new glasses. Luckily, she had her prescription with her, since she was a clutz. So she picked out some frames that were exactly like her old ones; plain brown and a rounded rectangular shape. They went up to the counter lady and (Joe) explained."
(June 27, 2008, Gabi's Fanfictions,

Made-up citation: "Call the opto-mole-ology-ist! I found an opto-mole in my pancakes."


noun. Mmm.... pork-pocalypse.

Real citation: "It's ham-a-geddon people.
You don't know how long it took me to come up with that pun but anyway apparently we're all going to die from a few bastard pigs. Who knew the thing that would kill us all would be pigs. I'm one of the people who think pigs are cute but not cute enough that I won't eat bacon but cute none the less. Who knew all this time they were just plotting and waiting to release the virus that kills us all."
(May 2, 2009, Super Ally,

Made-up citation: "Only one thing can prevent the ham-a-geddon: a baconpire! That's what my Bible says, anyway."

Sunday, May 03, 2009


noun. The name that dare not be said, because who knows what it is?

Related terms: Beelze-something.

Real citation: "'Well, that Beelze-whatever was trying to EAT me, and I wanted to deck him in the nose!' She clenched her fist, growling. 'I just started thinking about how much I wanted to SMACK him…' She demonstrated by slamming her fist into her open palm. 'And then…'"
(Jan. 22, 2008,,

Made-up citation: "If you meet Beelze-whatever in the woods, don't run! Just pull out your mystical sword and chop the Dark Lord's noggin off. Oh, you don't carry a mystical sword on every camping trip? Guess someone wasn't an altar boy."

Saturday, May 02, 2009


noun. The most dunderheaded wad of them all, according to the latest wadological research.

Related term: dunderdoof.

Real citation: "Turning it personal, dunderwad? Yeah, thought so."
(July 7, 2008, L.A. Dodgers,

Made-up citation: "Chickens have a reputation as the dunderwads of the barnyard, but their contributions to art and science and lunch have been underestimated for too long."

Friday, May 01, 2009

Snuggie derangement syndrome

noun phrase. A blanket-with-sleeves-related mental disorder that can be alleviated with a straitjacket.

Real citation: "After suffering through that annoying Snuggie commercial today for the umpteenth time, I decided to look online to see if anyone had written about it, and sure enough, I came across this column and this one. The monk-like man eating popcorn reminds me of 'Mr. Atoz' from 'Star Trek' (see above photo); and I always wonder what kind of people would possibly go out in public wearing Snuggies! Anyone else suffering from Snuggie Derangement Syndrome?"
(Jan. 3, 2009, Oyvayblog,

Made-up citation: "Nine out of ten doctors cannot tell Snuggie derangement syndrome from diabetes of the blowhole. That's because doctors are buttmunches. In your face, science!"