Friday, March 23, 2012

Ways to further woo the female vote (a leaked Republican Party memo)

Propose massive tax on all "chick stuff."

Refer to sexist, repressive regimes around the world as the Axis of Awesome Bros.

Pay secret-service agents to shark Michelle Obama.

Petition dictionaries to change the spelling of “clitoris” to “clitor-ick!”

Force drugstores to rename Makeup Section the Filthy Prostitute Aisle.

Make up new Bible verses that show Eve was actually made from Adam’s poop.

Declare multiple orgasms unconstitutional.

Add the phrase “Except for the hos” to the Pledge of Allegiance.

Make transvaginal ultrasound a voting requirement.

Start throwing women in Yellowstone volcano “as a precaution.”

Rename Breast Cancer Awareness Month something like Man, God Hates Broads, Huh?

Waterboard all feminists because of the Patriot Act or whatever.

Burn every Jo-Ann Fabric to the ground and salt the earth.

Put something itchy in all bras.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Five proverbs about nunsploitation

Nunsploitation before beer, never fear.

No taxation without nunsploitation!

When life hands you nunsploitation, make nunsploitation-ade.

Nunsploit not, lest ye be nunsploited.

Keep your friends close and your nunsploitation DVD library closer.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Replacing "mother" with "milf" at the bookstore

Are You My Milf?

Milf Goose Nursery Rhymes

The Milf of All Pregnancy Books

Milf, Please!

Milfs of Invention

Chicken Soup for the Milf’s Soul

Buddhism for Milfs

Message from an Unknown Chinese Milf

What Your Milf Never Taught You About Sex

The Wind is My Milf

Milf Theresa of Calcutta: A Personal Portrait

My Milf/My Self

May You Be the Milf of a Hundred Sons

Does a Kangaroo Have a Milf, Too?