Thursday, June 28, 2007


noun. A less clinically exact relative of the psychopath, the sociopath, and the cuckoopath.

Related term: whackopath.

Real citation: “Wow, Bongo! You accomplished what I thought was impossible; you managed to find something positive to say about our dear, Vaughan. Yes, he is a very good typist! Unfortunately, he is also a nutsopath 55 year old dead beat dad paper boy (by his own description) who slanders organizations like the Klaaskids foundation out of pure ignorance mixed with mental illness, but boy, can he type...”
(Sept. 19, 2006,

Made-up citation: "If cleaned regularly, a batshitometer can distinguish between a deranged nutsopath and a raving whackadoo."


noun. Wile E. Coyote-esque smarts not available to the unwashed masses such as you and I and that guy over there.

Real citation: “OHNOES! Well, it was a nice 2,000 year run while it lasted, but I believe that all of us Christians will have to agree that it’s time to throw in the towel. After all, how can we possibly hope to survive the sheer scholarly supergeniusitude of James. Fricking. CAMERON??? All is lost, my fellow godbags. We had the unbelievers going for a while, but now the genius behind “The Titanic” has blown our little conspiracy wide open.”
(Emperor Misha I, Feb. 25, 2007, The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler,

Made-up citation: "Had I the supergeniusitude and time, I'd build a crystal palace in the sun, and I'd defend it with feral pig-men and sultry wolf-women. And I'd, uh, get some counseling."

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


noun. A poser with feminine wiles, not yet capable of making a grown man pee his panties, romantically or otherwise.

Related term: despotette-in-training.

Real citation: “As the local creative genius extraordinaire and Despotette-Wannabe, being a bit flaky just comes with the territory. In her free time, Laura lives amongst the Dutch, plays in mud puddles, pines for the Stateside love-of-her-life, eats a lot of waffles, and plot-plots evil things for the club.”
(2004, Dawnsisters Weyr,

Made-up citation: "A despotette-wannabe in the dungeon is worth three proctologistettes in the parlor."


noun. Terror Lite.

Real citation: “because he can tell us about the dangers of terroriness? that stuff sells, i understand.”
(heiko, Aug. 23, 2006, Josef’s Site,

Made-up citation: "I'm fighting the War on Terroriness on the home front, where it matters--in bed. Hold me, Teddy."


adj. Mmm....spongeworthy beyond Elaine's wildest sexual harassment suits.

Real citation: “This is one repugnant human being. It's like he is a walking caractature of everything conservatives want to believe liberals are. It's like he sprung fully-formed from one of Bill O'Reilly's loofah-gasmic fever dreams.”
(Teresa Lhotka, May 15, 2006, “Loofah-gasmic. It's not a word, but it SHOULD be,” Anomalous Data,,guid,f4312576-6288-4ba9-8266-692529e54b3c.aspx)

Made-up citation: "Lipstick lesbians and latte liberals lounge in lowdown loofah-gasmic luxury, local librarians lament."


noun. A doofistic cousin of the fishmonger and warmonger.

Real citation: “Thanks guys! Dave, that tie emoticon has been there forever, and Sierra says you are a doofusmonger. We have not found an ideal location to head up Southern hemi headquarters (BSE SHH for now), but will keep our eyes peeled. So far we have counted 1,909 sheep and 10 people. Half the bars are run by sheep. More thrilling updates later.”
(rcollier, Dec. 23, 2005, BSE Forums,

Made-up citation: "O thou doofusmongers and ye beclowned buttwads, God hath something something vengeance-cakes. Verily, verily, by Odin's balls!"

Tuesday, June 26, 2007


noun. A real lady. Old-fashioned, you might say. The kind of girl you can't bring home to Aunt Edna as spare parts for the toaster oven.

Real citation: “Mike Myers kept alive the stereotype of bad British dental hygiene in this spoof of early Bond movies, Dean Martin's Matt Helm character, In Like Flint, Alfie, you name it. But by the third movie, you've got Tom Cruise in a movie-within-a-movie cameo that has Austin Powers emulating Mission: Impossible ... it's enough to make even a non-Fembot's head explode.”
(Steve Tilley, “Top 10 favourite spoof movies,” April 14, 2006, Toronto Sun,

Made-up citation: "'Fembot or non-fembot?' will be the 'Paper or plastic?' of the glorious, terrifying future that awaits us all."


noun. Adorable, hoppy adventures, probably down a trail.

Real citation: “Buffy & Spike's Bunnycapades have some unforeseen circumstances.”
(“Other People's Whacked-Out Fic,”

Made-up citation: "I enjoy telling my mother about my bunnycapades, but I conveniently leave out my ratcapades and sleazecapades. Wait, are bunnycapades sleazecapades? Oh, the humanity."

Monday, June 25, 2007


noun. An alcohol-soaked addition to--hey, where's my goddamn beer?

Real citation: “add-hic-endum
(Leigh, June 9, 2007, Mise en Space,

Made-up citation: "The Norton Anthology of Add-hic-endums looks at literary history through grain alcohol goggles--and likes what it sees. Hubba hubba."

economic boner

noun. 1. An economic goof. 2. An economic boon—down below.

Real citation: “He may not go to the mat as often as we like or pull an economic boner like steel tariffs, but his character gets him a few free economic passes in my book.”
(Mark Byron, July 15, 2003,

Made-up citation: "As a mere freelance writer, few of my paychecks are worthy of a raging economic boner that no pants could contain."

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Mr. Sucky Poo Poo Pants

noun. That's you. You got poo on your face too.

Real citation: “I have been trying to think of some good, original and new nicknames for our boys in red. I will list them as I come up with them. For now I have... King Ut for Chase, The General for Rollins (see previous post for reasoning) and Mr. Sucky Poo Poo Pants for Floyd (this has been mentioned numerous times on this site).”
(Skeeter, “Quick Notes,” Feb. 25, 2007, Driven to Deep Center,

Made-up citation: "My patients call me Dr. Peters, but I go by Mr. Sucky Poo Poo Pants on MySpace and in the local community."


adj. Possessing awesome wisdom, a vast amount of information just short of the whole kit, kaboodle, and enchilada.

Real citation: “The Refugees: Jack (is a leader but ignorant of the Island), Ben (is a prisoner but all-knowing-ish of the Island), also includes: Kate, Sun, Claire, Aaron (basically everyone they were trying to protect from gynecologic predations), Rose, Danielle, Alex, Karl.”
(britneywoolf, “Picking Up Transmissions: Speculation With Spoilers,” June 14, 2007, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Wanted: An all-knowing-ish, Yoda-like mentor to guide me in this world of sorrow, where all my dreams are clipped and I do not scamper in the lilies anymore."

Friday, June 22, 2007


noun. 1) Breast milk. 2) Breastamaphone.

Real citation: “Through some hard-to-trace collaboration between mother, son, father, and Homer Simpson — coiner of ‘saxamaphone’ — ‘booba’ grew into ‘boobamaphone.’ Of the Simpsons influence, Francis says, ‘In one part of the episode, 'saxamaphone' is actually said to Beethoven's Fifth, which is how we often say 'boobamaphone.' Granted, we also say it as a race car announcer might, while our nurslings are held by my husband and revving up (complete with car sound effects) for the nursing race.’"

Made-up citation: "Good things that start with B: bacon, Battlestar Galactica, basketball, bubble tea, Bisquick, Boston, boobamaphones, Beelzebub."


adj. Let's not even talk about it. Just barf me out.

Real citation : “Joey is Smegmatacular he used to make me mayonaise sandwiches cut into numbers when i was little. #9 was the best one i think. your the raddest cousin in the WORLD. he also taught me everything i know about fecal, flatulation,and jerry's kids"
(Talani, Aug. 18, 2003,

Made-up citation: "Your face is smegmatacular. Yes, you are loathsome and vile. Even your hamster's an asshole."

Thursday, June 21, 2007


noun. Marriage bestows many gifts. Some of them include diabolical, Biblical, underworld overlords.

Real citation: “This was a gift, albeit a hateful one, from my sister-in-law (a.k.a. Satan in law) who almost had a spell when her son played at our house and I allowed the kids to have fun in the sandbox that still had last summer’s sand (horrors!).”
(April 28, 2006, StuntMom,

Made-up citation: "Lacking a spouse, I know little of Satans-in-law. Or should that be Satan-in-laws?"


noun. If you can't keep it in your nuclear family...

Real citation: “AnyaSimbi (6:12:09 AM): Another comment on another clip: "I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I almost choked -- what did she say, something like "Peter cares about me -- why can't I stay with him in NY?" Wow the Peter/Claire fans must be so ecstatic. What do you call that? UNCLECEST!"”
(March 1, 2007,

Made-up citation: "You have committed many crimes, O'Malley: tax fraud, car theft, conspiracy to commit unclecest. But now, you're going to be my afterdinner mint."

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

reverse seduce-ology

noun. A Bugs Bunny-type strategy for removing pants.

Real citation: “Okay, FRUITS, the reason your sister keeps calling to say, 'It's not right,' is because she's waiting for you to say, 'I know it ain't right, Sis, but let's do it anyway.' She wants you and she's using reverse seduce-ology to get you.”
(Dan Savage, June 7, 2007, The Stranger,

Made-up citation: "As all my cousins have discovered, reverse seduce-ology doesn't work on a goat."


noun. An instrument, much like a metal detector, that zeroes in on self-crucifixion-happy fools.

Real citation: “The martyrometer exists so that people who don't have the time to get into the details and intrigues of Steve and Winston's marathon training schedules can find out, at a glance, who's having the most miserable time of it at the moment.”
(Jim, Jan. 13, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Considering my lifestyle of eating cupcakes and cavorting by the lake, I doubt a martyrometer would make even a single beep-beep in my presence."

Tuesday, June 19, 2007


adj. Like bedoofused, but hipsterosity replaces doofusitude. Let's not even discuss the hipster doofus, a hybrid that would only muddy the clear waters of these lexical streams.

Real citation: “Me either. I now feel obliged to get my jerky, rhythmically-challenged, behipstered dance on. Excuse me.”
(Dec. 23, 2006, I love you in the face,

Made-up citation: "'Yon behipstered varmint hath forsaken me,' said God or whatever."

cluster molestation

noun. A clusterfuck that's more disturbing than usual.

Real citation: “Koth himself was the only character who got an action, and he apparently doesn't have a Concentration skill, so the cluster molestation he was in by the time his action came around caused him to fail to cast a lightning bolt. We actually took 0 damage in the whole place.”
(FrankTrollman, March 29, 2006, The Gaming Den,

Made-up citation: "Living by the lake is groovy, except on the weekend when the lakefront becomes a cluster molestation of garbage, children, parental units, speeding bikers, hot dogs, and dog crap. Then again, there are frolicking armies of half-naked women, so I guess it evens out."

Monday, June 18, 2007


noun. Take edumacation. Replace the education with a freakazoid. Stir till smooth.

Real citation: “ur a car freakamazoid!!”
(may 28, 2007,

Made-up citation: "We all feel like freakamazoids on the inside. Except for my brother, who feels like a cross between the Pope and Pepe le Pew."

sea donkerella

noun. A type of whoring sea donkey, to borrow Heather Havrilesky’s favorite term.

Real citation: “I know it's a sin, but something rotten inside me won't let me delete "Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll" or "The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman" or the insipid eighth cycle of "America's Next Top Model." For some reason, the baby ho donkey festival and sea donkerella pageant are my personal El Guapo. I can't get enough of the skin-tight ass pants and the nasty little insinuations that Felicia can't dance or Jolena has an eating disorder. Sea donkey, who are you, to take these many forms?”
(Heather Havrilesky, April 15, 2007, Salon,

Made-up citation: "Even a seasoned zoologist cannot fully explain the rituals and dress of the sea donkerella and the subspecies Short-Shorts Von Buttcheeken."

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Fortress of Placentatude

noun. The sweet embrace of the doooooooom! I mean, the woooooomb!

Real citation: “It was also at this point that the kid began to get a little rowdy in its Fortress of Placentatude, kicking and punching as it puttered around the womb. Doctor Shin told us its going to be a temperamental little sucker, which is only logical considering who its parents are. Maybe we should think about finding a way to put a speed bag in there for it to practice with...”
(Jason, March 1, 2006, Explosive Radiating Growth,

Made-up citation: "In every Fortress of Placentatude lurks a placenta mooch. Stop giggling."


adj. Meh-ified; blah-ified; whatever-ified.

Real citation: “The celebration was muted and whocaresified, barely any crowd noise tainting the ceremonies honoring a team that's made its way into the conversation with the Celtics, Lakers and Bulls in terms of basketball success, and of Eeyore, Les Nessman and Kelly Clarkson in terms of excitement.“
(King Kaufman, June 15, 2007, Salon,

Made-up citation: "Aside from writing, dogs, Swedish pancakes, and The Shield, I'm feeling increasingly whocaresified about most of the world. Or maybe I'm just becoming a specialist."

Thursday, June 14, 2007

post-traumatic red wine disorder

noun. As Emily Dickinson wrote, "I felt a funeral in my brain / And mourners, to and fro," yada yada ouch-cakes.

Real citation: “Oh, it was another tough day for running. I was suffering from post traumatic red wine disorder. We had a little celebration for a friend last night, and while I know it is really bad for the training, I partook in some of the celebration and woke up feeling awful. However, one must suck it up and take their medicine, so I got out and went running today.”
(May 24, 2007, Boston Push,

Made-up citation: "I sort of like post-traumatic red wine disorder. It makes me stop skittering around like a caffeinated ferret, and I breathe the air, smell the flowers, watch the DVDs."

metric crudload

noun. An ungodly, immeasurable--and ishy--amount.

Related terms: metric buttload, metric assload, metric arseload, metric heinie-load, metric bootyload, metric poop-load, metric poo-load, metric shitload, metric crapload, metric turdload, metric fuckload, metric boatload, metric truckload, metric smurfload, metric dickload, metric cockload, metric pantload, metric pantsload, metric jesus-load, metric monkeyload.

Real citation: "I've got more great links to some other hilarious Transformers gen1 vids as well, but the language in them is pretty harsh. I'll post 'em if no one minds, just be aware that if I do, there's gonna be a metric crudload of cursing."

Made-up citation: "In grammar school, we called two kids Crud and Steam-umm, for which I have a metric crudload of regrets."

Wednesday, June 13, 2007


adj. Ball-pouch-centric.

Real citation: “OMG! OMG! OMG! Scrotastical!”
(James Campbell, May 18, 2007,

Made-up citation: "You my friend are a true, one of a kind, 24-karat pain in the scrotastical region. Unfortunately, we’re not hiring at this time.”


noun. A woman. Ewwwwww!

Real citation: Oppression is not so much something we 'qualify' for as it is the unfair system of allocation of power within which we all live, and my questions were intended to illustrate your position within them. Though it is, as you note, very important to eschew the ‘I’m more oppressed than you are’ game, it’s still very valuable to recognize the many areas in which we hwp (hetero white people - a new club that I, as a non-penis-possessor, can be a part of) enjoy unearned privilege, because it gives us the broadest possible perspective from which to understand other people’s positions.
(Michelle Marie, April 16, 2007,

Made-up citation: "Watch my new documentary: Men are from Batshitistan; non-penis-possessors are from Lower Buttmunchistan. It's an illuminating look at men, women, and what it means to be complete."

Tuesday, June 12, 2007


noun. A tard. Who's poopy. Like your face.

Real citation: “Who LoL, 'fucktard; Ha ha ha, cool, how long did it take your imbecile and infantile nut in the head to come up with fucktard? I about had a pee pee in my britches, Well your a big poopytard, doo doo head, LOL HaHaha.........Please, Don't stop embarrassing your self.”
(Davidadro, Dec. 17, 2005, Bill Maher,

Made-up citation: "Studies show that 'Do you have a minute for the environment?' is about as winning a slogan as 'Hey, poopytard!'"


adj. Sounds like your mama. No offense.

Real citation: “What you’d like it to look like: Anywho, there are some pretty major changes here. You may charge extra for that, if you like. xD; Anywho, they're two RP characters from an RP with a friend of mine, and we're looking for a picture of them in a sorta vampirey-succubusy sorta format.”
(Mori Bokusochi, May 8, 2007, Gaia Online,

Made-up citation: "My last girlfriend was a bit too vampirey-succubusy for my taste. Now I'm looking to date a smurf."

Monday, June 11, 2007


adj. Mmm...infallible.

Real citation: “Pope-O-Licious. ‘Finger Lickin' Good.’”
(caitlen, April 20, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I'm trying, but I can't find these words in my Bible: squeegee, pope-o-licious, celebutard, celebuturd, mega-destructo, creamy center."

camel toe-dar

noun. A sixth sense that detects something unrelated to camel podiatry.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, sexual-geniusdar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, big dick-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money-dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, jailbaitdar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, dorkdar, skankdar, freak-dar, ass-dar, asshole-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, someone-is-staring-at-my-ass-dar, “Jesus Freak” dar, zombie-dar, fake-boob-dar, dogdar, catdar, ratdar.

Real citation: “I know this is old, but my camel toe-dar has been plugged up with my nose the last few weeks!!”
(stinkerbell, Oct. 28, 2005, MiceChat,

Made-up citation: "Note to graduates: leave camel toe-dar off your resume."

Sunday, June 10, 2007


noun. A delicious assistant indeed.

Real citation: “Eventually Omega captures Tegan and uses her as a hostage to ensure the Doctor’s good behavior. The Doctor, behaving badly as always, uses her to trace Omega back to the crypt in Amsterdam, where he works out that Omega’s henchchicken and zombie slaves are working there to complete the transfer which will get Omega a new copied-off-the-Doctor body.”
(Jan. 29, 2006, Film Forensics,

Made-up citation: "I won a chicken-finger-eating contest in college and consumed far too many of the tastefully named Chernobyl chicken wings. This is why I fear to employ henchchickens. When push came to barbecue sauce, what would I say to their families?"


noun. An expert in the humpish arts.

Real citation: “I have seen it in action.. He is a true humpologist.. LOL”
(bowmedic, March 7, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I consider columnist Judy McGuire a humpologist; she can distinguish a single leg-humping hottie from a moronic leg-humping lout."

Friday, June 08, 2007


noun. A veritible wonderland of throbbing joy, with nary a Mr. Limpy to be found.

Real citation: “how about the stop for the bus that takes you to bonertopia?”
(Oct. 20, 2004, Notpopular Message Boards,

Made-up citation: "Where would you rank my mother-in-law on a scale of Estelle Costanza to bonertopia?"


noun. An unevolved savage--with womanly charms and a club. Probably lacking lip gloss.

Real citation: “Whats going to happen to all of those nervous little dogs when theyre no longer cool? They're going to go to some twitchy little dog jail where theyre going to have caffeine withdrawals and suffer terribly from the cold. The yipping will be deafening, but at least they won't have to wear those humiliating outfits and get splashed by an overturned Starbucks when a neanderchick wearing espadrilles tries to drive the SUV and talk on the phone.”
(Candie Kelty, Sept. 6, 2006, Candieland,

Made-up citation: "Neanderchicks vs. Nuns: The Reckoning is the feel-yourself movie of the summer."


noun. A holeface who's not me.

Real citation: “Now, how can someone with an ego, obviously large enough to challange (but not defeat, for no one can defeat) godzilla in mortal combat be funny? those people are normaly just jerkholefaces.”
(Vortex, May 6, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I grow weary of the jerkholeface who cleverly yells 'Taco Bell! Taco Bell!' every single fucking time he see my dog, who is not a chihuahua. It is fortunate that I am not armed to the teeth."

Tuesday, June 05, 2007


adj. If you're not particularly alert, and you eat brains, and you're dead, this might just describe you, dear.

Real citation: “Burt Reynolds Zombie 0.3, 0.2 Not particulary Zombitudinous or capable, but thrown into the movie for laughs. He had a realistic bullet to his head scene.”
(Sept. 5, 2004, Ask Emmett,

Made-up citation: "Though 'zombitudinous' cannot be found in a single medical dictionary, even a drunk student nurse can identify zombitudinousness in the wild."


noun. A precise, whackadoo-detecting instrument.

Related terms: batshit loony, batshit whacko, batshit insane, batshit nutty, batshit nutso, super-batshit-insane, completely-fucking-batshit-insane, batshit-fucking-crazy, batshit-sounding, non-batshit, pre-batshit, anti-batshit, batshittery, holy batshit, batcrap, batpoop.

Real citation: "I can only imagine the very first TV commercial. Here’s an excerpt with Hogan loaded on about 5 cans of his own product, and the Batshitometer at about 35:"
(Gary Ashley, March 9, 2006,

Made-up citation: "A batshitometer in my family tree would go off like a metal detector in a robot factory. Boing boing boing boing!"

Sunday, June 03, 2007


noun. The highest title that a seasoned demon-expeller can attain.

Real citation: “The Vatican's Exorcist-in-chief declares Harry Potter the spawn of Satan. Have I missed something, or are the italian editions a bit darker?”
(Jennifer Emick, Sept. 1, 2006,

Made-up citation: "At Liberty University, does the provost rank below or above the exorcist-in-chief?"


noun. Sort of sauced, sort of stupid.

Real citation: “hahah Thats a old one still made my crappy drunktardish morning brighter.. oh wait that's twlight”
(Lazarus, Jan. 2, 2006,

Made-up citation: "After a long day of travel, I feel drunktardish without having had a drop of learning juice."


present participle. Bippy-embiggening.

Related terms: de-fatifying, re-fatifying.

Real citation: "I'm all about having a girlfriend tell me what to do, as in: Take those ass-fatifying pants off immediately and put the good ass jeans back on even if they do have yogurt spilled down the front! and Forget diapers already! Just buy the effing shoes., and of course, Go ahead and mack with the hot Brazilian guy who bought you drinks at the bar. You're not getting married for four whole days, sister! (Kidding, kidding)."
(Jessica Ashley, May 16, 2007, Strollerderby,

Made-up citation: "I loooooooove almond butter, but I fear it's ass-fatifying me out of my pants."