Sunday, December 31, 2006


noun. The exploits of losers--and maybe a few hosers and louts too.

Related terms: asscapades, bedcapades, crapcapades, dorkcapades, fuckcapades, shitcapades, skankcapades, turdcapades.

Real citation: "So she's a big loser, and you're the little turd chronicling her losercapades on iSONEWS. That puts you at the top of the loser-chain, loser."
(AngryKoala, Jan. 16, 2006,

Made-up citation: "My biography will probably be titled Losercapades, though I'd prefer Mega Uber Space Porn: Shazbot!"


noun. A quality possessed by those rare individuals who are neither stirring the pot nor slowly destroying the souls of everyone around them.

Real citation: "I think he's seen more of the best and worst of Kara than anyone else in her life and he still stays. How could Kara possibly resist that? He's like this walking validation of her not-a-cancerness. His brother died due in part to her bad judgement, they fight, they hurt each other, she accidently shot him in the chest - but he's still standing and he's still there and I just can't see that as a weakness."
(Oracle42, " 3-9: "Unfinished Business" 2006.12.01," Dec. 2, 2006, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "In basketball, teammates are valued for passing, rebounding, not-a-cancerness, and cool facial hair."

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Mother Theresa-y

adj. Humanitarian-style, which is so popular with the kids these days.

Real citation: "I found their description to be a bit whacked out. I'm allegedly highly introverted while being all Mother Theresa-y and saving the world."
(ihearteric, Sept. 18, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I stole a neighbor's newspaper on Christmas. Not the most Mother Theresa-y way to celebrate Jesusday."


adj. Conjugalicious-y.

Real citation: "In refernce to my last post: The evil cabana boy position has been filled. I am looking forward to many years of dedicated evil service from my evil cabana boy, and suggest he learn some monster foot rubbing skillz. Also, by agreeing to be my evil cabana boy, he's agreed to all sorts of nookie-ish things. Heh."
(June 8, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Bonobos engage in nookie and nookie-ish activities about as often as I suck down bubble teas and watch Battlestar Galactica DVDs. Hmmm. This evolution thing might not be working right."

Wednesday, December 27, 2006


adj. Something defuckified has been unfuckified, unfucked, and defucked--in other words, fixed.

Related terms: deballified, degoopified, desmellified, destinkified.

Real citation: "So I go to setup Trillian on my work PC since home might go away again in the rolling blackouts. Now my first thought was just to unzip my copy from home directly on top of the existing copy but then I thought.. no... thats kind of a shotgun approach.. lets do it smarter. Much tinkering later I think I have it defuckified now. This thing seems to have settings all over the place. Whee. Hehe."
(techie, April 18, 2006,

Made-up citation: "How many years of therapy will it take till my psyche is defuckified?"


noun. Look deep into the buggy eyes of a raving nutbar, and this ye shall find.

Related terms: nutbarhood.

Real citation: "Ah! I continue to marvel at Kramer's patience and politeness in the face of obvious nutbaritude."
(NoDeity, June 24, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Clinically speaking, believers in angels and believers in pig-men occupy the same sphere of nutbaritude."

Tuesday, December 26, 2006


adj. An alternative to "absolutely" that is full of shit.

Related terms: absodiddly, absoforking, absofracking, absofreaking, absofricking, absofucking, absosmurfing.

Real citation: "guess what... i absoshitly LOVE shane tyson."
(Rocko, May 9, 2005,

Made-up citation: "The most absoshitly delightful concert I went to this year was probably the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. They own me, and I like it."


adj. A very specific type of spandex-tightness.

Real citation: "Indeed, it was cameltoeriffic. I'm thinking they probably should have considered wearing some sort of underwear."
(Dunnas, Oct. 23, 2005,

Made-up citation: "'Be not ye cameltoeriffic,' said the thunder god Thor, harshing the Asgardian mellow once again."

Sunday, December 24, 2006


adj. Cringy squared.

Real citation: "I just watched this episode again earlier today- it starts off so cringy (for me, not so funny-cringy as cringy-cringy) but gets better as the episode progresses- I feel so sorry for poor Katy while watching it."
(hayds, "1-6: "Hot Girl" 2005.04.26," July 20, 2006, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Cringy-cringy is painful to the soul but easier to clean up than barfy-cringy."


present participle. Totally un-Christmas-like. Um, make that un-Cialis-like.

Related terms: actual-boner-giving, non-boner-inducing, non-boner-ifying.

Real citation: "Mexicans eat turtle eggs because they believe that turtle eggs give them boners. Turtle eggs do not give them boners. Mexican environmentalists attempt to replace non-boner-giving turtle eggs with actual-boner-giving models. Environmentalists sell out long-term goals (stop the objectification of women) for short-term goal (stop the extinction of sea-turtles)."
(ACS, August 25, 2004,

Made-up citation: "'Boner-giving or non-boner-giving?' is the 'Paper or plastic?' of the pharmaceuticals industry."

Thursday, December 21, 2006


adj. Only somewhat lacking a steaming pile of crapola.

Real citation: "I don't know why, but whenever I install windows on a computer, it stays usable (semi crapola free) for at least six months. For some of my friends, that's a record. I watch as they install windows, I don't notice any difference, and it goes to hell in a week."
(Sid, Jan. 14, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I'm afraid that if reviews indicate the new Rocky movie is even semi-crapola-free, I'll check it out. I'm not proud."


adj. A family-friendly version of "fan-fucking-tastic."

Real citation: "fan-coitus-tastic!"
(andy, Oct. 2, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Words to avoid when composing love poems: fan-coitus-tastic, stank, throbiness."

Wednesday, December 20, 2006


adj. When a dude loves a a dudely way, sort of.

Real citation: ":laugh: i would say the rest of the lyrics but they are a lil mancrushish"
(Leonard Washington, Dec. 12, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Many conservatives have mancrushish feelings for the Prez, as hilariously pointed out by James Wolcott."


noun. A film genre featuring long, hard, shiny, metallic robots--with attachments.

Related terms: assploitation, boobsploitation, cocksploitation, crapsploitation, crotchsploitation, dorksploitation, petsploitation, skanksploitation.

Real citation: "Tom: 'Botsploitation films, Mike, the whole lot of them! Little more than electronic 'minstrel shows' so you humans can watch the goofy antics of your 'happy slaves' while you crush them under your fleshy heel!"
(Feb. 22, 2003,

Made-up citation: "Fembotitude and botsploitation go together like coffee and...a shitload of more coffee."

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


adj. Mmmm...groiny goodness.

Related words: crotchalicious, conjugalicious.

Real citation: "sounds groinalicious!"
(norks, Jan. 29, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Many folks find this blog while searching for groinalicious delights. I wonder how disappointed they are to find the words 'full-frontal-ness' and 'robo-seductress' but no full-frontal-ness or robo-seductresses."


noun. A female hosebeast. But a hosebeast is female. You figure it out!

Related words: hosebeasty.

Real citation: "and Silver, dont defend this psycho hosebeastess - she crazy"
(Univity, Oct. 16, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Should I call Bethany the lady of the house or the hosebeastess of the house in my letter of recommendation?"

Monday, December 18, 2006


adj. Like premeditation, but the meditation was replaced with royal fucked-over-ness.

Real citation: "That last thought--that bolded one. Erase that one from your brain. We, as women, are somehow pre-fucked-over to believe that there is something wrong with us if something isn't working out, or going perfectly. And it's a load of bollocks. Sometimes shit is just wrong. It isn't anyone's fault. Not everything has to be the fault of someone. Sometimes, hell, often times, shit just sucks."
(Sassinator, Oct. 26, 2004,

Made-up citation: "I have a tendency to awfulize and feel pre-fucked-over, because I am a bowl of joy."


adverb. Like, totally unbecoming of His Popeliness.

Real citation: "Although the world’s Cardinals agreed that Benedict’s less than sporting response to his dismissal was rather undignified, they have forgiven him on the grounds that such unpopely behaviour is not sufficient cause for stripping a Cardinal of his feathers."
(Dale Petrie, 2005,

Made-up citation: "White robes are popely; purple thongs are unpopely."

Sunday, December 17, 2006


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adj. The Buffy generation's version of "sorta-mythological."

Real citation: "As for the moniker, at last night's LA show the question came up again, and we got a pretty firm response from Verheiden that it was purely an aesthetic decision, made at the last minute--they thought 'Zeus' sounded 'too mythology-y' and preferred the rhythm of 'Jupiter.'"
(Jenny O, "3-11: "The Eye Of Jupiter" 2006.12.15," Dec. 16, 2006, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "'By Thor's hammer!' is a mythology-y exclamation. 'Holy monkey balls!' is not."

Thursday, December 14, 2006


noun. Chuck full o' non-douchey goodness.

Real citation: Matt, in a rare moment of non-douchitude."
(kian esquire, Oct. 4, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Could you write me a letter of recommendation? Make sure to discuss my promptness and non-douchitude."


noun. A most pregcellent situation.

Related words: knockedupedness, fuckedupedness, messedupedness, jackedupedness, screwedupedness.

Real citation: "All the nausea and none of the knockupedness!"
(Oct. 18, 2005, Furious Redhead,

Made-up citation: "My ex-girlfriend is reeling with knockupedness... I'm glad I'm not the dad, 'cause I can barely handle having a puppy."

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


adj. Well, this is probably not a compliment.

Related terms: asstard, asstardy, asstardish, asstardness, asstardishness, asstarditude.

Real citation: "Well asstardtastic master created the C:\ partition using the ENTIRE DISK not the 2000mb he was instructed to do on day1."
(Godspeed, Feb. 20, 2003,

Made-up citation: "I cannot wait for the next election, because even if we elect a naked mole rat President, he or she will not be as asstardtastic as the current occupant."


noun. Shenanigans of a bedly sort.

Related terms: asscapades, crapcapades, dorkcapades, fuckcapades, losercapades, shitcapades, skankcapades, turdcapades.

Real citation: "Working in Waikiki I was propositioned by 2 different couples to join them in their hotel rooms, I remember one of them owned a gym in L.A. it was so weird cause the wives start hitting on you right in front of their husbands and you don't know how to react. The gym couple was cool as hell and the wife was super fine, I contemplated it for a while until my friends brought up what the Husband might have wanted out of the arrangement. That killed all notions of joining in on their bedcapades."
(maniclion, May 5, 2004,

Made-up citation: "In Sex Advice 101, I learned that using the word 'bedcapades' will kill any chance of bedcapades occurring."

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


adj. Totally lacking psychotic murderesses.

Real citation: "Cordelia filed her nails, thinking that perhaps a nice, long paid vacation of the psychotic-murderess-free type was just what she needed."

Made-up citation: "Our apartments are 2-bedroom, cable-ready, psychotic-murderess-free, and pet-friendly."

undercover pigdar

noun. A keen, hidden-pork-detecting sense.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, big dick-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money-dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, jailbaitdar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, dorkdar, skankdar, freak-dar, ass-dar, asshole-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, "someone is staring at my ass"-dar, “Jesus Freak” dar, zombie-dar.

Real citation: "As good as my gaydar, christiandar and undercover pigdar."
(SugarVelvetCheeks, Jan. 27, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Undercover pigdar is more useful in some professions than others, according to my guidance counselor."

Monday, December 11, 2006


noun. The depressing process--sometimes involving ice water--of limpifying a tallywhacker.

Related terms: bonerification. non-bonerification, bonerify, debonerfy.

Real citation: "That's too bad because I've always had nice, beautiful, sometimes erotic images of Fergie in my head. Now every time I see the video for Don't Phunk With My Heart, even though she looks so smokin' hot and her hair is all crazy sexy cool, the damn pictures of her and her pee pee pants creeps into my head. Talk about a boner killer. Forget thinking about baseball or flowers or Janet Reno for de-bonerification. Now all you need is this sultry picture of Fergie and her urine soaked crotch!"
(cjlampa, Aug. 8, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Winter is like the de-bonerification of Mother Nature. Um, if she was a dude."


noun. The essence of what-the-fuckness, according to what-the-fuckologists.

Related terms: WTF, WTFitude, WTFage.

Real citation: "Notes: skip straight to 3:10. Watching the explanation beforehand can only reduce the sheer WTFosity. Also, keep an eye out for the puffs of smoke that represent GTP hydrolysis, if you're the type to get excited about such things. And for the love of god, do not pass this up."
(Oct. 30, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Though WMDs were never found in Iraq, four years of war have turned up substantial quantities of WTFosity."

Sunday, December 10, 2006

metric turdload

noun. A lot. A turdy lot.

Related terms: metric buttload, metric assload, metric arseload, metric heinie-load, metric bootyload, metric poop-load, metric poo-load, metric shitload, metric crapload, metric fuckload, metric boatload, metric truckload, metric smurfload, metric cuntload, metric dickload, metric cockload, metric pantload, metric pantsload, metric jesus-load.

Real citation: "alchohol cuases depression on its own without accutane. Throughout my entire course I drank a metric turdload of beer and all of my bloodtests were groovy baby. Now thats probably not a good idea or anything but Im just relaying my experience."
(lepermessiah, Jan. 6, 2003,

Made-up citation: "While listening to Christmas music, I can think of a metric turdload of preferable activities, including alternative interrogation methods and drowning."


noun. A literal or metaphorical toaster-like caretaker of crotchfruit.

Real citation: "The robobabysitters? Hilarious - particularly when they opened the briefcase of baby supplies. Loved the line about baby proofing the house - ya know, outlet protection, explosive sniffers. All the stuff any new mom would need ;-)"
(concertfreak, "5-12: "There's Only One Sydney Bristow" 2006.04.26," April 25, 2006, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "I attended my first baby shower this year, and I gave three shiny robobabysitters to the glowy mom-to-be."

Thursday, December 07, 2006


noun. 1. A fucking buckethead. 2. A heady fuckbucket. 3. A buckety fuckhead.

Real citation: "mine were ruin'd by by a fuckbuckethead but that's a different story!"
(Feb. 23, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Maybe I am a fuckbuckethead. But I want to be the best fuckbuckethead I can be."


noun. Holy and pure and good and right and Christ-y.

Real citation: "But I have to ask that fervent 40 percent, if it really is just his Jesusy-ness that's keeping you in his fold, aren't you a little worried? About your much-anticipated Rapture and plans for eternity and all that, I mean."
(Bill Cope, "What's Left To Like?," March 1, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I had some Jesusy-ness when my hair was long and flowed in the autumn breeze. Now, not so much."

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


adj. Oh, the humanity! A plethora of pity-party-ness.

Real citation: "Wallowlicious indie mopecore!"
(July 12, 2004,

Made-up citation: "The bad part of working at home is if I get depressed and wallowlicious, I can pretty much wallow for weeks."


noun. Look deep into the heart of an evil cohort, and this ye shall find.

Real citation: "GURPS Camelot is a good GURPS book by a good GURPS writer (Bob Schroeck, with charming Peggy providing research assistance and general cohortitude), and we used it as the basis for a very entertaining campaign back in the day."
(S. John Ross, April 8, 2005,

Made-up citation: "All my friends are women these days: I've got female cohortitude up the ying-yang."

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

betowelled regions

noun. The crotch and adjacent lands.

Related terms: nether regions, groinal regions, crotchal regions, buttockial region, woman region, man region.

Real citation: "I feel marginally sorrier for Lee, because he got handed his hat, his head, his heart and his, uhm, be-towelled regions, to him on a plate by his s/i/s/t/e/r/ would-be lover. But I, too, miss the strong Lee of, again, about 1.5 seasons ago."
(Kaffyr, "3-9: "Unfinished Business" 2006.12.01," Dec. 2, 2006, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Swamp ass is one of the most nasty conditions that can afflict the betowelled regions. Though a towel is handy."


adj. Asteroid go kah-spodey.

Real citation: "And NASA isn't even researching possible anti-space-rock technology."
(Gregg Easterbrook, "Hey coach, take responsibility!," Nov. 27, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I support the right to bear anti-space-rock super-lasers and bring them to work. These are dangerous times."

Monday, December 04, 2006


noun. A noisy, dignity-free specialist.

Real citation: "I remember once walking on the Upper East Side when I came upon a group of actors in faux armor and leggings clapping coconuts together to promote the just-released movie version of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. As they passed, I heard one coconut-clonker say to another, 'And to think I went to Julliard...'"
(James Wolcott, "Parade Floats and Haunted Spirits," Nov. 23, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I can respect a coconut-testicled coconut-clonker, because I was raised with good values."


adj. Appendage-y in a tentacle-ish way.

Real citation: "The Imps hold the Pixie forest to the east of the Dwarven kingdom. They are humanoid, in that they have two arms, two legs, and a head, but otherwise they more or less resemble vague sillouhettes. Their skin is purple or pink and their eyes glow with magic. Their feet, hands, and the tentaclesque thing on the back of their head is sepia brown."
(gaiacarra, June 28, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Words no pregnant woman wants to hear about their first ultrasound: seven-headed, three-wattled, tentaclesque."

Sunday, December 03, 2006


adj. When "crappy" seems to lack precision.

Real citation: "Your Verbal Intelligence is CrapTasticish"

Made-up citation: "This craptasticish wind is really chapping my hide. Also my face, my fingers, my sucketh."


noun. The bluest, most adorable member of the wad family.

Related terms: biscuitwad, hootchie-wad, non-fugly-blubber-wad.

Real citation: "Actually, I've been getting more annoyed at the radio ads lately. Who started the trend of having people with annoying voices sell stuff? Do they really think it helps to have some irritating smurfwad repeating the name of your product over & over again?"
(Cletus, Nov. 17, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Papa Smurf was a smurfwad, though most batboys are not bats."

Thursday, November 30, 2006


noun. A handy word for the holiday season.

Real citation: "I haffff to use my fucking wrist to hold this thing on now because my hands are completely insubordinate and goodbye legs... sure we may want to bolt from this shitty store and at least out there they'll show a flicker of love for something (even if it's my dying FUCKING FLESH), show something not like stony McRockhard bitchassbitch vengeful fuckwitface here but my legs have officially peeeeaced out for good so"

Made-up citation: "When my teenage son called me a fuckwitface, I gave him kudos for creativity and an atomic wedgie for insubordination."


adj. Though hos have replaced hosebeasts, historians find this adjective useful.

Real citation: “I really enjoyed everybody in In Her Shoes. I'd never read the book so I don't know how true they stayed to the story, but the three leads were all very good together. Cameron Diaz's character was so nasty and awful and lazy and moochy that I just couldn't even picture someone like that existing. For anyone who's read the book, is her character that hosebeasty?”
(IssieCol, Oct. 9. 2005,

Made-up citation: "Is a hosebeast a female hoser? If so, hosebeastiness may be a Canadian export."

Wednesday, November 29, 2006


noun. A heroic-yet-euphemistic mindfuck.

Related terms: mindboink, mindfornicate, motherfiretrucker.

Real citation: "The Vatican tells the people to reproduce so that they remain in poverty and repressed and the vatican can continue to mind-FiretrUCK them. I like the some of the magickal aspects of Catholism. For example, the Catholics couldn't talk the Irish into doing away with the Goddess Brigit - so they made her into a Saint. Dah! The Pope and his Vatican Mafia are all full of that stuff that male cows leave in pasture land after eating a bunch of hay. Just my not so humble opinion."
(Lady Wyldbirch, Feb. 9, 2003,

Made-up citation: "Operation Mind-firetruck is a new educational initiative for our nation's kindergartners. It is totally not evil."


noun. A scary, scary kitty with slime.

Real citation: "The only thing is that the tail is a little... off. But I decided that if I were an ecto kitty trying to pull myself together, I might not get everything in exactly the right place either."
("More Visits,"

Made-up citation: "I wonder if I'm allergic to ecto-kitties as well as the real thing."

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


noun. Provoking no girlish squees of approval.

Real citation: "well those leather pants are hardly non squee inducing - I think his butt looks better in those leather pants"
(cancon, April 17, 2006,

Made-up citation: "My wardrobe is non-squick-inducing and non-squee-inducing. It's just a bore."


noun. A jerk with more syllables.

Real citation: "Timefishblue, maybe you should stop being such a JERKATOID"
(Squaw Fish, Aug. 2, 2005,

Made-up citation: "My inner jerkatoid is strong. Unfortunately, my inner Buddha is anorexic, depressed, and has tiny heart syndrome."

Monday, November 27, 2006


adj. Absobloody bloody.

Real citation: "Bulldog stands up quickly and punches her in the nose through the bar; she screams and falls down, dead, face all nasty and hematomeriffic."
(Jacob, "Hero," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "'Hematomeriffic' is another word--like 'scum-sucking'--I hope isn't essential to my obituary."


noun. This synonym for "diversity" never quite caught on.

Real citation: "And this is why we had no HPM for the last two days. Just look at all the differentyness!"
(RubberPiggy, June 11, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I should've studied biodifferentyness instead of literature. I prefer monkeys to Shakespeare."

Sunday, November 26, 2006


noun. A female-y form of butthead.

Real citation: "I'm so not, I'm a buttheadette today."
(bunny, Oct. 18, 2005,

Made-up citation: "When a butthead and buttheadette breed, the gene pool trembles and sheds a tear."


noun. Um, a delightful blend of all that's good and holy and spoogey and robotic?

Real citation: "I said I thought he was a spoogebot, but he was basically okay since he entertained me so much."
(orange shampoo, May 13, 2003,

Made-up citation: "In the terrifying days ahead, nanobots and spoogebots will decide our fate, according to the AP wire."

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


noun. A big buoyant bucket of normality.

Real citation: "What would your personal philanthropic organization hope to achieve?
Nonfuckedupedness, through the careful and measured application of happy."

Made-up citation: "As we head home for the holidays, let's think happy thoughts of nonfuckedupedness that might distract us from our families."


adj. I'm guessing, pretty gay.

Real citation: "Hooray! You have to be pretty happy for the ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-gay John Paulk. He's found a new interest in life after stuffing up the lives of many other people."
(Greg, "'Ex-gay' John Paulk's exciting new career," Oct. 13, 2006,

Made-up citation: "According to the Bible, being ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-gay is very naughty. Or totally righteous. One of the two."

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


verb. To perform the delicate reverse-lobotomization process.

Related terms: dumbassify, de-dumbassify, dumbassification, dedumbassification.

Real citation: "Chuck D offered props to the students for 'working to un-dumbassify yourselves,' encouraged students to broaden their horizons, and called for a greater emphasis on education in American culture, saying 'We need the information in the education to get as much repetition as the entertainment.'"
("Study in Contrasts," Feb. 25, 2006, Uncertain Principles,

Made-up citation: "Maybe if teachers were called un-dumbassifiers, they'd make more money."


adverb. When "tardly" just doesn't cover the amplitude of the tarditude.

Real citation: "Earth to Funked, I wasn't talking about the WHOLE tardnet. Just a very small corner that attracts bombardments from some fantardistically tardtacular tards - MrMultiplePersonalityDisorder, Voss, etc."
(AKSWulfe, Aug. 6, 2004,

Made-up citation: "F-words to avoid when writing personal ads: 'fucknut,' 'fantardistically,' 'flaccid,' 'flatulent,' 'ferret-licking.'"

Monday, November 20, 2006


noun. A dipshit above all other dipshits. Kind of a dipshit role model.

Real citation: "It was an incident that propelled "Mean Jean" to the title of reigning arch-dipshit of the American polity, the favored punching bag of the Washington press hyenas and the best thing that happened to late night since Bill Clinton's cigar."
(Matt Taibbi, Nov. 1, 2006, "NATIONAL AFFAIRS: OHIO BURNING," Rolling Stone,

Made-up citation: "The Pope appoints a select few arch-dipshits to keep the mini-dipshits in line."


noun. No joy in groinville.

Real citation: “Men had ejaculated prematurely in record numbers, and an extremely high percentage of women had come so close, incredible close, viciously close to raging orgasms, bud had teetered on the brink and then tumbled back to the frustrated heat of non-orgasmitude.”
(Matt, “Margin of Error,”

Made-up citation: "'KLPD' is a term for male non-orgasmitude meaning, hilariously, 'trick or betrayal of an erect penis.'"

Sunday, November 19, 2006


noun. A proud colleague of the journalistologist.

Real citation: "During the mid-term elections, there were multiple referendums in place to push voter turn-out. One of the more popular ones had to do with, of course, gay marriage. Arizona became the first state to reject a ban on gay marriage. Referendumologist Jason Jones briefly explained what this meant... People are more worried about the GOP taking another term than the idea of two guys humping in their neighborhood."
(The Daily Show, Nov. 13, 2006,

Made-up citation: "The OED includes entries on the sciences of nothingology, dogology, and squalorology--but referendumologists continue to toil in obscurity like the heroes they are."


adj. Not too contenty.

Real citation: "The Target Powers That Be have taken me off the sales floor. My new assignment is as a part of the group known as Presentation. If today is any indication, Presentation involves getting up at five in the morning and then sharing a shift with the frightening malcontents they don't allow on the regular day shift because...well...they're too frightening and malcontenty."
(Michael, "Dirty Cynicism (or Not A 9/11 Post)," Nov. 9, 2006, Notes From a Darkened Room,

Made-up citation: "To deal with malcontenty elements in your classroom or death squad, use a firm voice and make plenty of eye contact."

Thursday, November 16, 2006


noun. Like truthiness, but with less truth and more supernatural slime.

Real citation: "The ectoplasminess of the Dribblet is just...EEEEE."
(mentalfloss, May 18,

Made-up citation: "The aspiring restaurateur should avoid words like 'ectoplasminess' and 'phlegm' when writing the menu."


noun. A geeky, fanatical retconner who likes boyish things but has feminine wiles.

Real citation: "Surely that would be fangirl, not fanboyette"
(Dessimat0r, Nov. 4, 2003,

Made-up citation: "I'm looking for a family-values-licking, flying-eyeball-swallowing, filthy-dirty-compelling fanboyette. Must love goliath bird-eating spiders and cuddling."

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


noun. A somewhat redundant term for a raincoat-crowd-pleasing film.

Related terms: assploitation, boobsploitation, cocksploitation, crapsploitation, dorksploitation, petsploitation, skanksploitation.

Real citation: "This film is the finest piece of crotchsploitation since 'They live'. The climax goes something like this:"
(May 29, 2006, Post Industrial Brambles,

Made-up citation: "What does Robert Ebert have to say about the crotchsploitation genre?"


noun. Might not be the best booze in the land.

Real citation: "As for keeping the tattos, laser removal isn't something I'd want done with a jury-rigged gadget in an alcove off the hanger deck anaesthetized only by a pint of Chief's still-tini. I can imagine Kara trying to remove it, or cut at it or something. If it came off I see a scar in its place."
(AriEmory, "3-4: "Collaborators" 2006.10.27," Oct. 29, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I make moonshine and still-tinis in my kitchen sink with a can of Drano and the finest hops."

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


adj. Two negatives equal a positive. And, evidently, a lap dance.

Real citation: "Not sure what else they have cooking, or whether it is their church group driving this, but it is odd that Nickels is doing this as he originally ran as someone opposed to such bullshit. But their seems to be a backlash coming - the anti anti-lap-dance initiative will be on the ballot and got three times the number of signatures they needed in an incredibly short time, Licata forced the Mayor to start a JAT oversight group made up of club owners and neighborhood folks, and the press is going after the King County Dept of Health questioning how the smoking ban will actually be enforced."
(Fuzed, Nov. 11, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Much to his chagrin, Mark Strand has not been able to work 'anti-anti-lap-dance' into a poignant, meditative poem."

middle minion management

noun. A low, low rung of the corporate ladder.

Real citation: "do you have any positions for 'minion' open? i'm qualified for middle minion management. excellent references, you know."
(Cecily Monster, June 11, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I don't have a future in middle minion management, though I'd love to have enthusiastic minions to clean the tub and crush my enemies."

Monday, November 13, 2006


adj. When "assy" (or even "asshatty") can't quite cover the magnitude of the assitude.

Real citation: "Members of a peaceful international community can respect each other's spacefaring attempts (though individual members may be quite assitudinous towards other as-of-not yet members)."

Made-up citation: "Last week, while canceling a date, I called her the wrong name. Yes, I am an assitudinous man."


adj. Biblically speaking, before the begatting.

Real citation: "Then again, you could try to be subtle and simply give her a big fat kiss, your mouth all wet with her skankerific juices. That'll give her the hint! But that would just mean unpleasantness for both of you. Hmm. Maybe you could try incorporating bubble baths into your pre-shtup routine. Or, if you're really stuck, you can always make like David Blaine and learn how to hold your breath."
(Judy McGuire, "Olfactory Unpleasantness," Nov. 1, 2006, Seattle Weekly,

Made-up citation: "For your pre-shtup routine, you should read this article. Really. I'm talking to you."

Sunday, November 12, 2006


adj. Feeling bed-shitting fear, minus the bed.

Real citation: "When I said that being afraid is a 'decision', and dying is not, I meant that it's a *player's* decision (in those games without the Courage/Fear/Sanity, etc, stat). That's what this mechanic is all about, and I think there's an essential divide between games that have these type of stats and those that don't. And having a Courage stat in a game is not the same as having, say, a Fear spell which might cause a PC to get all shitpantsy. With the stat, the Fear roll is integral to the playing of the game."
(db savoy, Aug. 29, 2002,

Made-up citation: "Though I've had intense parent training as a summer camp counselor, the thought of having my own child makes me quiver with shitpantsy terror."


adverb. Joyfully and wonderfully, if the joy and wonder were replaced by thongs.

Real citation: "Tough but tender these women's dressy thong sandals from Hot Kiss definitely have an attitude. Smooth patent upper in a thong style with a central metal ringsnap accents and metal spikes for an edge. Toe post thongfully lined interior. Cushioned footbed and a matching patent wrapped midsole. Smooth flat dress style outsole and a patent wrapped 2 inch just-right"
("Hot Kiss - Women's Shania,"

Made-up citation: "The Pope thongfully did something infallible, Vatican sources say."

Thursday, November 09, 2006


adj. A large bowl of ew that's illegal too.

Related term: Skanko-Roman.

Real citation: "You've got that alleged bout of Greco-creepo wrestling in Las Vegas starring Congressman Jim Gibbons."
(James Wolcott, "Spit Tricks," Nov. 1, 2006,

Made-up citation: "If the local middle school has a Greco-creepo wrestling team, you may want to send your son elsewhere."


noun. A first cousin of hissyfittery that's equally unpleasant.

Real citation: "Now, a smarter person would have realized much earlier than I did that at some point, no answer becomes the answer no. I applied for a secondary position, and got an answer much faster - which was again no, partly on the grounds that rebound and general snitfittery are not the best of all motivations."
(March 10, 2000,

Made-up citation: "I wish I were above pettiness and snitfittery, but my inner George Costanza is strong."

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


noun. A wee wee-wee.

Related terms: micropenis, microdick, microcock, micropecker, microweenie, microwang.

Real citation: "Figures microtallywhacker....your boy Bush is backed into a corner and your only response is some nonsense about the devil's spawn. Ignorant."
(JO, March 22, 2004,,-1.php)

Made-up citation: "According to George Carlin, wars are started by the microtallywhackered against the macrotallywhackered."


adj. When "fucking" just isn't appropriate. Or long enough, or something.

Real citation: "Getting back to the subject at hand, I dont believe that HoL should be made into any fuckenizing (eh? you like how I wriggled that in there?) movies or tv shows, despite my prior comments."
(Apung, March 25, 2006,

Made-up citation: "The fuckenizing progress is heuristic. I read that in some spam."

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


adj. A full stack of ew.

Real citation: "You can stop looking for a big huge comedy smash–it just arrived… in an RV! It’s this year’s biggest, loudest, gas-guzzlingest, human-excrement-sprayingest, fastest, loosest, out-of-controlest cross-country comedy road trip of the year!"
(April 28, 2006, The Weekly Blurb,

Made-up citation: "Words I hope will not appear in my obituary: 'problematic,' 'human-excrement-sprayingest,' 'gooey.'"


noun. A quality not recommended by doctors or agents.

Real citation: "I think that right there is just cannonfodderness in play. like a WW1 scenario there. But it does have a redshirtesque fell to it. Weird."
(Captain Gloval, May 27, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I liked when the guy with the Jesus stick died on Lost, even though he was one of the only likeable characters. I didn't think he had any cannonfodderness at all, so his ugly death was a nice surprise."

Monday, November 06, 2006


noun. A woman with eyes.

Real citation: "Snarkiness is in the eye of the beholderess. Name-calling is name-calling, it's not in the "guise" of anything."
(Gerald Jones, Aug. 12, 2003,

Made-up citation: "There's a fine line between a beholderess and a beholderette, according to legal scholars."


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Sunday, November 05, 2006


noun. Look deep into the soul of a skeezeball, and this ye shall find (along with, perhaps, sleazeballitude and sketchballitude).

Real citation: "when one skeeze calls another unskeezy, it really just multiplies the skeezieness by 34. it's called The Pythagorean Theorem of skeezeballitude."

Made-up citation: "As Mom likes to say, 'I love the smell of skeezeballitude in the morning.'"


adj. Kah-splodey.

Real citation: "My brain just went kerplodey."
(Peter Wiggin, Oct. 12, 2006,

Made-up citation: "For kerplodey space porn and heart-demolishing drama, I can't blurb Battlestar Galactica hard enough."

Thursday, November 02, 2006


adj. Dry-butted and minty fresh.

Real citation: "and my new favorite shorts kept me swamp-ass free. Really, these Joe’s Bike Garage shorts made by Louis Garneau were awesome. I fully recommend them!"
(Megan Bilodeau, "sneaky," June 4, 2006,

Made-up citation: "My freezing face, fingers, and dog are not ecstatic over the cold weather, but my nether-regions do enjoy this swamp-ass-free time of the year."


noun. Ratfuck for kindergartners.

Real citation: "Here we have a man accused of breaking into their house in the middle of the night, abducting their daughter, and doing all sorts of nasty things culminating in her murder. Now, my personal belief is that David Westerfield is an evil ratfork who is guilty of everything he’s been accused of, and that the van Dams are not responsible for what happened in any way."
(Jeff, "Martha Stewart and the Personal Hells," June 26, 2006,

Made-up citation: "A 'dirty ratfork' is either a major fucking asshole or a most unclean utensil."

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


verb. To remove ew-provoking squickery from a person, place, or thing.

Real citation: "Everything I would say has already been said, but as I've said elsewhere, I've made it sort of a personal goal to desquickify myself. I have a few that remain and don't even want to be tempted, and I leave those alone. But if a good story that pushed other buttons contained those squicks I would read it anyway."
(Madam Kistulot, March 2, 2006,

Made-up citation: "To err is human. To desquickify is polite."


adj. Bestinked by a Pepe le Pew type.

Real citation: "Readers will laugh at your horrified reaction as your beskunked dog returns to frolic with you -- and learn from your section on hiking safety for pets (including the equipment every hiker needs when taking pets on the trail)."
(Moira Allen, "Writing (and Selling) Personal Experience Articles,"

Made-up citation: "My apartment has a beskunked aroma... Does that make me the skunk? I'll just blame it on the dog."

Tuesday, October 31, 2006


adj. No voluptuous bosoms or delicious morons to be found here.

Related terms: boobness, boobiness, non-boobiness.

Real citation: "I think you make the case for Bush's non-boobness very well."
(Feb. 5, 2004,

Made-up citation: "I think my I.Q. is in the non-boobness range, though I don't know if it would be a winning score in basketball."


noun. Like Vietnamization, but yummier.

Real citation: "Beginning mochafication in THREE... TWO... ONE... [slurp]"
(Theo, July 21, 2006,

Made-up citation: "If the counselor can't help me, I've seen promising research on mochafication therapy."

Monday, October 30, 2006


adj. Not yet cuckoo-bananas or bugfucky.

Related terms: batshit loony, batshit whacko, batshit insane, batshit nutty, batshit nutso, batshit-deranged, super-batshit-insane, completely-fucking-batshit-insane, batshit-fucking-crazy, batshit-sounding, non-batshit, pre-batshit, anti-batshit, batshittery, holy batshit, batcrap, batpoop.

Real citation: "Pre-batshit-insane Tom Cruise"
(stile, May 14, 2006,

Made-up citation: "In the pre-batshit-insane state, the American celebrity is unconcerned about remnants of ancient-demon-space-monster dudes."


adj. There are many round objects.

Real citation: "Excellent '70s space-porn-themed pinball machine"
(Xeni Jardin, March 30, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Space-porn-themed weddings will be all the rage this spring. Most Jovian strippers are already booked."

Sunday, October 29, 2006

metric diaperload

noun. Not actually an infant-or-elder-launched brown mess of considerable size.

Related terms: metric buttload, metric assload, metric arseload, metric heinie-load, metric booty-load, metric poop-load, metric poo-load, metric shitload, metric crapload, metric fuckload, metric frackload, metric boatload, metric truckload, metric smurfload, metric cuntload, metric dickload, metric cockload, metric pantload, metric pantsload, metric jesus-load.

Real citation: "Just for laughs, what is Comcast charging you for your connection? I'm guessing about $45 a month, but enlighten me. I'm also guessing that you have to subscribe to a metric diaperload of cable-tv products from them to qualify for your Internet connection, but again, please enlighten me."
(Mr Neutron, May 30, 2005,,14426132)

Made-up citation: "My puppy has a metric diaperload of friends: Nikita, Daisy, Jed, Merle, Jack, Charlie, Brutus, Ben, Baxter, Roscoe, Dash, Willie... Not that I'm jealous."


noun. Our primordial female ancestor. This term is preferable to "cavewoman" or "dino-ho."

Related term: neanderthalette.

Real citation: "To the neanderthal the neanderthaless is beautiful."
(apostate, Nov. 13, 2001,

Made-up citation: "Researchers at a local university have learned that neanderthalesses may have been hairy."

Friday, October 27, 2006

by Zeus' balls

exclamation. A testicular, Olympian idiom appropriate for very few occasions.

Related terms: for God's sack, for Christ's sweet biscuits.

Real citation: "By Zeus' balls, I forgot about Jake! If they don't show Gaeta or Tyrol walking him around the ship next episode, I'll be pretty upset. After all, he's about the fifth or sixth most important member of the resistence, which makes him an adorable war hero as far as I'm concerned."
(Jack Gladyney, Oct. 20, 2006, " "3-4: "Exodus: Part II" 2006.10.20," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "By Zeus' balls, I am most pleased with this gnocchi in a vodka sauce with calamari and extra noodles."


adj. Kinda fuckwitted, I suppose.

Real citation: "that behaviour tomorrow will count as "fuckwitesque" to be honest Mr W."
(Stallion Explosion, June 14, 2002,

Made-up citation: "Lately I've been realizing how many fuckwitesque notions are entrenched in my brain. It's about as fun as a box of shit."

Thursday, October 26, 2006


noun. Not recommended by cardiologists.

Real citation: "Yep, you guessed it, Tarantino just isn't cool enough to call it 'Complete bullshit heart-blower-upper rib cage smack down no jutsu'."
(KhanFusion, May 16, 2004,

Made-up citation: "There's heartbreakers and then there's heart-blower-uppers. I am the latter. And crack is not whack."

James Spader-y

adj. This is a compliment.

Real citation: "There wasn't even an ounce of trash talk in his voice. He was utterly and completely convinced I would miss it. He knew I would miss it. This is an obscenely confident man. There's something almost James Spader-y about him. It's disorienting."
(Bill Simmons, "Playing in Tiger's shadow," Oct. 12, 2006,

Made-up citation: "In the real world, I think most James Spader-y behavior is illegal."

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


noun. A mega-splodey state of affairs.

Real citation: "We suffered through the viewing from the Washington St construction site too. Were you near the asshat in the helmet? He would not shut up. However, the sparkling lights, the loud kaboomboomboomboom, and the general glee over seeing big change happen real fast made a sticky monday night awesome!"
(August 29, 2006,

Made-up citation: "The combination of sci-fi kaboomboomboomboom and heart-demolishing drama on the latest Battlestar Galactica was almost more than I could take. Let's just say I'm a fan."

brown-boxers moment

noun. Holy mother of shitski!

Related terms: brown trousers moment, brown pants moment, brown undies moment.

Real citation: "{*Please note this was the first game i had on my AMD800 many years ago, by todays standards it may well suck but fluck me it was a brown-boxers moment at the time}"
(tommydotm, Feb. 17, 2005,

Made-up citation: "My comedy improv class is like a brown-boxers moment that lasts three hours. My boxers hate me."

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

ice the suck cake

verb phrase. To add delicious suckitude to a situation.

Real citation: "If you ice the suck cake by constantly complaining about how filthy everything is—while, again, never lifting a finger yourself—YOUR ROOMMATES WILL NOTICE. They might eat your suck cake uncomplaining (as might your SO), but you haven't fooled them. It sucks. - Cranky"
("Savage Love Web Extra," Oct. 17, 2006,,savage,74774,24.html)

Made-up citation: "Larry David deserves a Ph.D. for his detailed portraits of how people ice the suck cake."


adj. Anti-feminist.

Real citation: "Diane Keaton gets spit up on before she finally sees the light, moves to Vermont, falls for a veterinarian and starts making baby food in Backlash-tastic 'Baby Boom.'"
(Rebecca Traister, "Sympathy for the she-devil," June 30, 2006, Salon,

Made-up citation: "What are the odds that the first female president will be a backlash-tastic Republican-bot?"

Monday, October 23, 2006


adj. Kiboshed.

Related term: beyoinked.

Real citation: "Meanwhile Odysseus’ job (I swear to god) is to follow behind Diomedes and grab the newly bewhacked dead guys by the feet and drag them out of the way so as to make a neat little path for the horses."
("Reading the Iliad,"

Made-up citation: "If you think 'bewhacked' is an out-there word, check the OED, where I just found the even more out-there and delightful 'be-pamphletise,' 'beflounced,' 'be-belzebubbed,' and 'be-Frenchman'd.'"


adj. I tried to think of something more original than "porn again." I failed.

Real citation: "We should've known that pornstress Tyra Banxxx' tearful appearance on her namesake's daytime talk show last year would eventually wind up as PR material for a porn DVD: despite telling the real Tyra that she would stop using her name and quit the adult business, SexZ Pictures announced the release this week of "America's Next Top Porn Model", directed by Roy Karch and starring the repornified Banxxx."
(Oct. 19, 2006, Fleshbot,

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'Repornified babes eating refried beans is a rarefied sight."

Thursday, October 19, 2006


noun. An ass-whomping cohort.

Real citation: "She's still trying to be this kick-ass double act with Kara, trading lines and being co-bad-asses."
(Jacob, "Scar," Television Without Pity, page 4,

Made-up citation: "There's a fine line between a sidekick and a co-badass. The distinction may be spandex-related."


noun. Like landlordage, but more oppressive.

Real citation: "The end game is clear. Peace means that Israel ends its occupation of Palestine. For real -- no buffers, no perpetual water confiscation, no overlordage. Is that on the table?"
(jonh, May 23, 2003, The Smirking Chimp,

Made-up citation: "I just got my Lez Zeppelin tickets. I'm looking forward to hearing my favorite songs about overlordage and stuff."

Wednesday, October 18, 2006


noun. Off the grid, baby!

Real citation: "Alot of americans seem to think that way too... until we demand a fair price for our lumber or lifting of sanctions on our beef or something. Then we might as well be Where-the-fuck-istan... :annoyed:"

Made-up citation: "Most academic jobs seem to be in Where-the-fuck-istan, Indiana, along with some goats."


noun. An owie of the mind--though not of the neurodoublefucked kind.

Real citation: "Those susceptible to brain-hurtitude are better off avoiding this thread."
(homullus, Dec. 10, 2002,

Made-up citation: "Zen koans like 'Does a dog have Buddha nature?' create a most enlightening brain-hurtitude. Moooooooooo."

Tuesday, October 17, 2006


adj. There is much hot monkey sex to be found here.

Real citation: "Even in my most fornicationful peaks I still cracked one off here and there."
(The Chase, Feb. 13, 2006,

Made-up citation: "What's the most fornicationful non-porn movie ever made?"


adj. 1. Sorta on a high horse. 2. Sorta awesome.

Real citation: "there was this Italian dude in Wenseslav (sp.?) Square who walked like you, then in the middle of his conversation with his friend he stopped, turned, whistled across the street, yelled "CIIAAAOOOO BEELLLLAAAAA" to a beautiful czech girl, then returned to this usual walking. That is the only righteousish moment here that had the Hickling flavor."
(Burka$$$h, March 31, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I used to be self-righteousish about eating pork. Now I eat so much bacon I'm turning into a pig man."

Monday, October 16, 2006


noun. A seldom seen species of the once proud buttmunch.

Real citation: "My boyfriend's the buttmunch. So we've tried variations on a theme: buttmuncher, buttmunchee, buttmunchette, buttmuncher and now buttmuncheroo haha."
(Candy177, Dec. 17, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Despite my fear of looking like a buttmuncheroo, I am enjoying my improv comedy class."


adj. Horny.

Real citation: "A lush transition leads to a trumpety-strumpety style with virtuoso rhythmic and pianistic variations covering the entire range of the piano."

Made-up citation: "Kill the hogs! Release the virgins! Let trumpety-strumpety music ring forth! Forsooth and verily, etc!"

Sunday, October 15, 2006


noun. The always delicate process of removing dweebishness.

Real citation: "3. Buffs as ACK: Despite the numerous and highly irritated episodes of
AAAB-17's and AAAB-25 recently, I seem to actually see some people
using the bombers as they intended. Could be just people practicing
for FG, but I think we might be seeing a subtle "de-dweebification"
going on here. :-)"
(Scott Thomson, Dec. 6, 1996,

Made-up citation: "Since I'm a juggler, a word geek, a Battlestar Galactica nut, and the former owner of a rat named Yoda, I'm probably immune to most forms of de-dweebification."


noun. 1. Loinshead. 2. One whose head is preoccupied with affairs of the groin.

Real citation: "TOO FAR GROINHEAD!! thats my mother your talking about.. Besides, your punching way abouve your weight fantasising about her.. so give up now!"
(Sept. 5, 2006,

Made-up citation: "All dickheads are groinheads, but not all bats are Batman."

Friday, October 13, 2006


noun. Someone dropped the bomb!

Related term: megadumpage

Real citation: "The next four weeks is different. Mom weans them, there is a week of picking up mega poopage while they eat solid food and learn to leave their indoor pen via the puppy door to do all that outdoors."
(Goodfriends Kennel,

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'Megapoopage happens.'"


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Tuesday, October 10, 2006


adj. Severely, profoundly, moderately, or mildly dumbfucky.

Real citation: "Twinfalls is quite Dumbfucktastic."
(LlamaGod, July 24, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Mixing up a.m. and p.m. when buying a flight is the most dumbfucktastic thing I've done in awhile."


adj. No suckwads here. Really.

Real citation: "I just wanted to drop by and let you know that Chris DOES in fact STILL suck. I figured maybe you were wondering if he is OFF the suckwad list yet. That maybe he got better and he is now by some miracle cool, therefore it's OK to have his gay ass picture on your myspace. Unfortunately, there is not a miracle BIG enough to make Chris cool/non-suckwadish."
(Rachael, May 18, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Being non-suckwadish is 98% of good teaching."


adj. Capable of inspiring a hearty "ewww."

Real citation: "Wonder if Adama cottoned to the fact she was playing footsie with Lee. Ew. (Not Lee, it is impossible for Lee to be Ew-able.)"
(rimfire, "1-9: "Tigh Me Up, Tigh Me Down" 2005.03.04," May 5, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I think my feet are getting more attractive. They're less ew-able than they used to be."

Thursday, October 05, 2006


noun. Modesty schmodesty.

Real citation: "I'm getting carried away, as I often do when I start talking about the bags. The news is that there is now a whole line of this sex enhancement gear, including hoods, bondage bags with internal confinement for the arms, two-legged open-crotch bags, double-zippered sleepsacks, and bodyform catsuits that leave the arms and legs free to move while completely encasing them in heavenly spandexitude."
(David Steinberg, "Of Blood, Spandex, and Lesbian Enjoyment,"

Made-up citation: "As I write this, I'm writhing in full spandexitude for my web cam."


noun. A buttheadier asshat than most.

Real citation: "Well, the usual list of stuff, write your congressasshat, blahdy, blah."

Made-up citation: "When congressasshats breed, God shivers and reaches for the crack pipe."

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


adj. There's nothing quite like a hole in the head. Yay?

Real citation: "My unscientific mind finds it curious, however, that for hundreds of years doctors were recommending that those with peptic ulcers cut back on the Moccona-and-jalapeno sandwiches, and try to relax. One can only guess that doctors told patients to do this because it was in some way effective (this wasn't the trepan-happy middle ages, remember - this was all the way up to the early eighties)."
(James P. Wall, "A Brief, Deranged Word About Ulcers," Oct. 5, 2005,

Made-up citation: "If the President were trepan-happy as well as an avid jogger, that would explain a few things."


noun. Insert one-liner here.

Real citation: "It's much easier to write an entertaining review if the reviewer doesn't let legitimate complexities and unknowables interfere with his or her wit, and just spews out whatever clever pithicism he happens to invent without bothering to wonder if it's really at the heart off anything."
("How to be a critic," Oct. 8, 2002, provenance: unknown,

Made-up citation: "Does 'bros before hos' count as a pithicism? Or is it more of a Zen koan?"

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


noun. An evildoer with feminine charms. And maybe some anthrax.

Real citation: "Thenmuli Rajaratnam wasn't a terrorist, she was a terroristette."
(July 23, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I'm looking for a thong-twanging, testicle-chomping, testosterone-lactating, tie-to-the-bedable terroristette who likes veggie pizza and sailing. No smokers please."


adj. Sweet merciful mother of mothballs! That tingles.

Real citation: "First few miles, felt like stopping though we know this is pretty much normal and I soon got into my stride. 4 miles in and my right leg started to feel a bit puffy and pins-and-needles-y, although I get this when I do long runs so it wasn't any worry."
(Steven Pick, Sept. 17, 2006,

Made-up citation: "When I think about seeing the Dresden Dolls in a few weeks, my brain and crotch get mega-pins-and-needles-y. I'm a little excited."

Monday, October 02, 2006


adverb. An absolutely smurfing alternative to "absolutely."

Related terms: absodiddly, absoforking, absofracking, absofreaking, absofricking, absofucking.

Real citation: "In any case, Horace Andy is obviously a god of some kind, and they were absosmurfing brilliant when I saw them on June 18, so bugger Richard Ashcroft (I don't care what you say Ebby, that's a *weird* double bill).Go and see 'em in a town near you."
(Danielle, July 2, 1998,

Made-up citation: "I absosmurfing dread the thought of putting winter booties on my dog. Shoot me in the head."


adj. Blah blah, yada yada, STFUA.

Real citation: "I don't have a huge problem with skipping forward a year, except that the next season will inevitably be expositiolicious."
(ender988, "2-20: "Lay Down Your Burdens, Part II" 2006.03.10," March 11, 2006, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "My life is a little expositiolicious lately. I need more adult situations and graphic nudity. I've got the strong language covered."

Sunday, October 01, 2006


interjection. Quite ho hum.

Real citation: "I conceed it was not the most exciting of days on that particular trip, though that’s just ho-diddly-fucking-hum really isn’t it? ;)"
(Jonathan Stanley, June 10, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Working at home can get a little ho-diddly-fucking-hum. Thank God my dog is there to bark at the neighbors and eat the condoms they discard."


verb. Femme it up! Butch it down! Shave something, I guess.

Real citation: "It is a sentence that is personal to us, but I am thinking that I would like to get it incorporated with a pretty picture with colors and stuff in it as well. I kind of need a more femme tattoo to debutchify what I've got on my arm."
(Siobhan, "Tattoos," Jan. 30, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Long hair can debutchify a woman. All it did for me was make me a goddamn hippie."

Thursday, September 28, 2006


noun. Look deep into the circuitry of a sultry female sexpotbot, and this ye shall find.

Real citation: "Thanks. I thought we needed a robot with Fembotitude. ; )"
(Lazarus, Feb. 19, 2006,

Made-up citation: "While giving medical advice, I suggested that my friend Kelly might be a fembot. But how can we prove her fembotitude?"


present participle. Christ-adoring; savior-snorkeling; Jeebus-hugging.

Real citation: "I never said they did. But this crop of Jeezass-loving Rethuglicunts is the worst I've ever seen. Trafficant was an outsider even among the Democrats. Tom DeLay and Duke Cunningham were fist deep up the asses of the Bush inner circle."
(MoeLarryandJesus, May 4, 2006, The Huffington Post,

Made-up citation: "Sam Harris' new epistle to the Jeezass-loving crown doesn't add much to his first book, but I still love it like pancakes."

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


noun. A rodent-sized pile of hair, proving that skankitude is a gender-neutral concept.

Related terms: pornstache, fuckstache.

Real citation: "Yeah, shaving is kind of a drag. I only shave about every 3 days, which by then I'm plenty due, but I kinda like the scruff. I keep the upper lip trimmed at all times to avoid the skankstache. This will all change though come May when I have to conform to CP's guidelines. No biggie though."
(Thrill Rider, Jan. 28, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I'm a beard man, but skankstaches make me weep with bed-wetting fear. I'm complex."


adj. Lovey-dovey-obsessiony.

Real citation: "i wonder if he still likes me or if it was like a week-long thing. like an infatuationish thing."
(jax, March 7, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I could use a new crush and some fresh infatuationish feelings right now. Otherwise, I'll get a lot of work done."

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


adj. Tarded...though blue and adorable.

Related terms: fucktarded, fracktarded, asstarded, nontarded, untarded.

Real citation: "I was asking around from some recently ex-patted patrons from the USA; and Emo kids LIKE to be called Emo because it's 'cool'. Personally I think pretending to be emotional or 'emo' is smurftarded."
(Iri Valentine, April 12, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Smurftarded gnomes need extra classes. But the elves and leprechauns won't pay for it!"


adj. Mmm...abnormally enlarged thyroid gland.

Real citation: "Springer: Goitertastic! I mean, fantastic! I'm really having a lot of goiter...I mean fun!"
("Out With the Old,"

Made-up citation: "Ben & Jerry's new Goitertastic Grandson isn't flying off the shelves, leaving marketers stunned."

Monday, September 25, 2006


noun. A substantial instance of dumping, whether of significant others or God-given feces.

Real citation: "So, did anybody hit this during last season's Tahoe megadumpage?"
(bad_roo, Sept. 10, 2005,

Made-up citation: "As a summer camp counselor for disabled children, I cleaned up the mightiest megadumpage in the land. And a shitstorm or two."


adj. May cause an owie.

Real citation: "I'm keen on seeing Baby Face Nelson, the one Siegel I've never lucked across, and even keener to re-see the seldom-shown, collision-y procedural The Lineup, which features a hit man and his dapper assistant, who writes down the victim's last words into a keepsake notebook."
(James Wolcott, "The Siegel Catalog," March 19, 2006,

Made-up citation: "My dad is the ultimate sports nut: if there are balls and collision-y behavior involved, he will watch."

Sunday, September 24, 2006


adj. Fuckin' bamboozled, I'd say. Or drunk.

Real citation: "farrkin school. the only thing ive got to look forward to tonight is CSI. wana get fuckboozled this weekend? xxx"
(March 7, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I'm trying to deal with some issues. Should I try meditation, therapy, or fuckboozlement?"


noun. Not the best name for a kitten.

Related term: douchebaghead.

(justsignbythex, Dec. 31, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Hey douchebagface! Are you enjoying your meal?"

Friday, September 22, 2006


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adj. Look deep into my eyes, and you may see my brain spinning like a top propelled by a hyperactive hamster who put too much crack on his cornflakes. Thus, the non-nonchalant-ness.

Real citation: "After a few minutes of chatting with Richard Roth, the interviewer, my non-nonchalant-ness and his non-nonchalant-ness coupled to make one interesting conversation."
(Drew Powell, "Long Term Benefits of Media Fellows,"

Made-up citation: "Every time I've ever tried to commit a crime, no matter how small, I've failed miserably, probably due to my non-nonchalant-ness. I couldn't have scored coke in Rick James' bathroom."