Saturday, October 31, 2009


noun. A condition, situation, state of being, or gazebo with no Shaq at all.

Real citation: "Cavaliers Coach Mike Brown experimented with Shaqlessness for a stretch in last night's loss to Toronto."
(Oct. 29, 2009, Henry Abbott, True Hoop,

Made-up citation: "Shaqlessness is no less a problem than homelessness. Here's why: A family of three homeless people could open up Shaq with their lightsaber and live in him, just like Han and Luke did in The Empire Strikes Back. You're welcome, homeless people."

Friday, October 30, 2009


noun. A quality found in the comedic, the courageous, and the non-lying-down-y.

Real citation: "applauding your stand-up-itude RT @burghbaby: Why I pulled out of The contest is here I can't say I'm sorry enough"
(Oct. 22, 2009,
theburghboy, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I wish I had more stand-up-itude... I spend far too much time hunched over like a monkey fucking a football, an expression not endorsed by Mr. Manners."

Thursday, October 29, 2009


adj. Curvy; bulgy; bulbous; jagged; spiked; protuberance-y.

Real citation: "And I also feel that this book is more precious to me because I earned it, instead of just asking Mummy to buy it for me. So if I eventually do lend it out, please, please,
please don't lose it, bend the pages/spine, put it flat down, leave any coffee (or anything else for that matter) stains, don't open the book too widely, don't put bookmarks inside cause it'll make the pages un-flat-ishy, don't put it into your handbag cause it'll damage the sides, don't hold it against your body (like how you carry your textbooks in your hand) cause it bends the pages at the bottom, don't put anything on top of the book cause it can leave small dents/scratches on the book cover and etc. Just please, take very, very good care of it."
(March 31, 2009, Hidden Potatoes,

Made-up citation: "Science hasn't been the same since we learned the earth is un-flat-ishy and bears need to eat three orphans a day to survive. Mom tells me lots about science!"

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


noun. Hmm, It's definitely a sound. And it's cute. Maybe it comes from a meerkat?

Real citation: "Zelda just ate some 'meaty loaf' and seems happier. She's hurting a lot though. She just looks at me and makes little nicker-wuffle noises"
(Oct. 14, 2009, notsusie, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "This steak is so rare it's still nicker-wuffling. Oh well, odds are I'll be somebody's steak someday--somebody like Dr. Vargas! Damn him!"

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


noun. Not as cute as smurficide.

Real citation: "Is the murder of an infuriatingly useless co-worker 'colleague-icide' or supporting 'work life balance'? Something to ponder, y'all."
(Oct. 21, 2009, Raynor Blazely, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "One of the most common workplace hazards is colleague-icide; also, many employees fall in vats."

Monday, October 26, 2009


noun. A tastefully named clusterfuck, fit for a tea party.

Real citation: "Point being, 32 man TF2 turns into a cluster sexual intercourse of rocket and grenade spam, the maps are not desinged to hold 32 man, its makes defence impossible and attacking way too easy."
(May 26, 2009, Biohaze Gaming,

Made-up citation: "With smurfs fighting elves for precious leprechaun droppings, the underworld is becoming one giant tiny cluster-sexual-intercourse."

Sunday, October 25, 2009


noun. This is more than you can handle, joy boy. Just move along now.

Real citation: "Today's playlist is mostly Sixpence None the Richer and TLC and Liz Phair, of course. 90's orgasmic-splosion."
(Jordan Burnham, July 2, 2009, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I'm not really an orgasmic-splosion kind of guy. I prefer to show great pleasure by wincing slightly less than usual."

Saturday, October 24, 2009


noun. The new poster child for this term is the teacup pig. Teacup pig! You can't make this stuff up.

Real citation: "the oxymoron-esque-ness of it would work. a place where PUBLIC FIGURES can meet PRIVATELY to discuss their paranoia and distrust for others."
(Aug. 20, 2009, Chris Crocker, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "If 'teacup pig' doesn't have enough oxymoron-esque-ness for you, wait till you see my teacup elephants, which make the perfect playmate for a gentle toddler or hamster."

Friday, October 23, 2009


adj. Prone to rage, even salad bar rage, which has taken the lives of so many people and tiny tomatoes before their time.

Real citation: "Great Alice lyric: I'm so pessi-mystic, I'm so piss-off-istic."
(Aug. 19, 2009, Rebecca Clements, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "When I start feeling piss-off-istic, I just imagine my enemies pooped their pants. Or I start dropping boulders on them. Whatever."

Thursday, October 22, 2009


noun. Such a warm and inviting expert! Would you like to date my sister?

Real citation: "Jodi is a fireplace-ologist"
(Oct. 20, 2009, Dasha Kelly, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Don't bring a fireplace-ologist to a fireball-ologist fight. Rookie mistake!"

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


noun. A crap-tastrophe that is a constant hazard of living in clutter/squalor/my place.

Real citation: "@LouLouFord know what he means. I live in a stuff-alanche too. trouble is every time I attempt a clear out I start thinking I might need it."
(Oct. 6, 2009, Sam Baker, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "So far, I've found only one response to a stuff-alanche that works: cannibalism. Well, it does take your mind off it..."

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


noun. An unholy yet spiffy blend of entertainment and Michelle, who is already pretty entertaining. That's why the elderly are cautioned to avoid this concept entirely.

Real citation: "This evening's Michelletertainment has been cancelled due to a lack of stimulation for the headliner. If you need me, I'll be in bed."
(Oct. 18, 2009, Michelle Wood, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "We apologize profusely, but all of tonight's Michelletertainment will be provided by Julie. Refunds are available."

Monday, October 19, 2009


verb. To add bachelorette-iness to a given location, such as a gazebo.

Real citation: "What a yucky day. But Sarah's coming!! And tomorrow it's off to Savannah to bachelorette-ify the town."
(Oct. 16, 2009, Jordan Freeman, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "You will never bachelorette-ify me, Dr. Vargas! Never! If you try, you'll never see that duck again."

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Golden Pug-huahua

noun. A relative of the proud and noble wienerhuahua, I reckon.

Real citation: "Family symposium: best dog ever. We have finally reached a compromise with Golden Pug-huahua."
(Oct. 10, 2009,
Liz Colman MacDonald, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Oooh, I like your Golden Pug-huahua! I have a French meerkat-huahua at home, but don't tell anyone, because I don't think I was supposed to use those stem cells."

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Martha Stewart-y-ness

noun. A quality found in different quadrants than Don Rickles-y-ness.

Real citation: "It's cold & rainy out, leaving me feeling gray today. I'm off to make a half hearted attempt at Martha Stewart-y-ness & look for wool socks."
(Oct. 6, 2009, Chastity33, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "If he's a good cook with a well-organized kitchen, then even a cannibal can be said to have a dollop of
Martha Stewart-y-ness."

Friday, October 16, 2009


noun. The field that studies the pimp, the ho, and the john--not to mention my sister! Did I say that out loud?

Real citation: "@Phlyyphreddy19 but then if yer getting paid for it , it'd be considered prostitute-ology :/ lmao"
(Oct. 14, 2009, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I enjoyed Butters' exploration of prostitute-ology on South Park this week. That's the most surprising cartoon character development since Linus joined the cartel."

Thursday, October 15, 2009


adj. A word I always include in my resumes and online dating ads. You can't be shy about your strengths!

Real citation: "Playing kid-friendly, non-grave-robbing version of Ghosts in the Graveyard"
(June 6, 2005, Six Months of Solitude,

Made-up citation: "After years of scholarship, I have determined that all but one episode of Seinfeld can be characterized as non-grave-robbing. If only my family had a similar batting average..."

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


noun. An email hazard that is particularly common among people the medical profession calls "fucking idiots".

Real citation: "There is a Reply-To-Allpocalypse happening at work. So far 70 emails strong..."
(Sept. 23, 2009, Kristina Millar, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Today's reply-to-allpocalypse was a real bummer... Then again, maybe one of my co-workers will know how to get stubborn stains out of a testicle."

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


noun. Macho headgames, anyone?

Real citation: "Nothing brings out my 'bah, humbug' like the testosterone-a-palooza known as Fleet Week."
(Oct. 8, 2009, Nancy Friedman, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Every day is a
testosterone-a-palooza for me. I also ooze sex appeal and motor oil."

Monday, October 12, 2009


noun. Well, it beats getting-ready-to-fly-out-of-my-butt-iness. 'Cause my pooper lives up to the name, believe me.

Real citation: "Today: family time, shopping, packing, and general getting-ready-to-fly-to-Canberra-tonight-iness. #conflux"
(Sept. 30, 2009, Felicity Dowker, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Getting-ready-to-fly-to-Canberra-tonight-iness is a nice feeling. It totally beats venereal warts."

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Chuck E. Cheese-istan

noun. Ah, such a magical land of children--except for lactose intolerant crib lizards.

Real citation: "Where the hell are we? Chuck E Cheese-istan?"
(Sept. 29, 2009, sleeplessinva, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "When your kids want to go to Chuck E Cheese-istan but you need a quick visit to Grain Alcohol-ville, why not do both? Parenthood is about making it work."

Saturday, October 10, 2009


interjection. See you in the morning-ish-y.

Real citation: "Ok, why the frick am I still awake and playing around online. I posted a few cool posts, so check 'em out. Goodnight-esque-ish."
(Sept. 28, 2009, MairHeard, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Goodnight-esque-ish to you, Dr. Vargas! When you wake up, you'll be my butler in hell, just as you were always destined to be! Damn you!"

Friday, October 09, 2009


noun. A happy helping of heathen heaven.

Real citation: "Going to forsake my homework for a book signing with Richard Dawkins. Atheist-gasm!"
(Oct. 6, 2009, istaranews, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Christopher Hitchens can give me a major-league, industrial strength, code-4
atheist-gasm anytime he wants. Anybody got a towel?"

Thursday, October 08, 2009


verb. A precise Granny-making procedure.

Real citation: "second day of tech: tightening, old-lady-ifying, trying to be productive when i'm off...anyway want to switch places?"
(Oct. 4, 2009, Kaity Cookson, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I'm scared of old-lady-ifying my image... That's why I won't knit and I won't spawn two generations."

Wednesday, October 07, 2009


noun. Sonic Youth, anyone?

Real citation: "Things I want, no. 374: better speakers. With my current cheapo set it's distortion-orama if I turn my music up as loud as I want it."
(Sept. 27, 2009, duskyblueskies, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Dr. Vargas' characterization of my views is a total
distortion-orama! Also, he has carnal knowledge of his orcs."

Tuesday, October 06, 2009


noun. An experiment that may not blow, but--according to sources--sucks monkey balls.

Real citation: "Alarmingly enough, Kristin seems aware that this entire suckscapade is an elaborate sucksperiment in sucktastical suckage. Her cackling laugh and flippant attitude indicate that -- gasp! -- she doesn't take 'The Hills' or her role on it all that seriously!"
(Oct. 4, 2009, Heather Havrilesky, Salon,

Made-up citation: "I bet the worst part of being a mad scientist is when some hero type calls your latest project a sucksperiment. That's got to hurt."

Monday, October 05, 2009


noun. A quality found in only the most excellent citizens, critters, situations, and thingamawhackeys.

Real citation: "Wow! Fabulous week, excellent weekend and Monday doesn't put an end to the excellentness-itude. Just #KFTC ! #fb"
(Sept. 28, 2009, Andy D, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Buying the complete Seinfeld on DVD was a decision soaked in excellentness-itude. Pooping the bed, not so much."

Sunday, October 04, 2009


noun. I don't understand this citation, so I'll merely suggest this process was a necessary precondition for the invention of the beltless trenchcoat.

Real citation: "OK, so my miracle save of Protos de-belt-ification had bent the flybar, gave me vibes. Tonight I'll see if feathering shaft is ok."
(Oct. 1, 2009, Jim Mackraz, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "The worst part about losing your championship is the de-belt-ification. The de-harem-ification is no picnic either."

Saturday, October 03, 2009


adj. Do I smell orange? Do I taste orange? Do I see orange? Kinda maybe sorta.

Real citation: "But I can't decide who Cyborg will be! GRR! -Stabs self- See, originally I was gonna have Cyborg be Sailor Mercury. But then I though, 'Well, Raven wouldn't be a good Sailor Venus, so I'll make her Sailor Mercury!' Then I thought, 'Wait, Cyborg would make an even WORSE Sailor Venus! And it would be funny if Raven was Sailor Venus, because Venus is the god of love!' And THEN I thought, 'BUT WAIT! What if I make Starfire Sailor Venus because she's kinda orange-y-ish-y, then make Cyborg Sailor Mercury, and THEN make Raven as Sailor Moon!' Then I got confused and my brain went splody. DDDD: So, I'm left with making Raven and Cyborg either Sailor Venus or Sailor Mercury. PLEEEEEEEEEASE help me CHOOOOOOOOSE! -Sobs- D:"
(June 13, 2007, deviantART,

Made-up citation: "This tea is a little orange-y-ish-y...and very pee-y-ish-y. Damn you, Dr. Vargas! I'd know your urine anywhere."

Friday, October 02, 2009


noun. The very lifeblood of a dork, besides, you know, Poindextrose.

Real citation: "Furthermore if they have insecurities about their positions why not study instead of committing crimes and make $ instead of being sued, which i hope they do. Another possible argument is the parenting, oh its their parents fault they are like that, yes i am sure somewhere in the back of 'parenting for dummies' it says: Make sure you instruct your child to pick on those who can not fight back and do criminal acts, it is what any aspiring parent would do. In other words, the only explanation is we have a group of teams goofed up on dork-tosterone and they have a video camera."
(Oct. 28, 2007,!C18C20AF1E564A0D!422.entry)

Made-up citation: "I wouldn't say dork-tosterone is coursing through my veins--more like reading quietly in my veins and gawking at the librarians."

Thursday, October 01, 2009


noun. A procedure proven to remove math, reading, and other barriers to a healthy, productive life.

Real citation: "I feel like I have had a homework-ectomy. I looked forward to finishing my portfolio, and the relief of not having so much homework, but now I am dealing with the pain after the 'surgery'. Specifically, I feel like a part of me is missing. I have defined myself as a grad student and a National Boards candidate for so long, that I feel like part of me is missing. I'm sure that I will eventually come to terms with it, but, right now, I feel like I am having a personal crisis."
(April 1, 2009, Caps for Sale,

Made-up citation: "I think all students deserve a homework-ectomy and a Pixie Stick longer than Wilt Chamberlain. All I need is your vote for class president."