noun. A state of being characterized by fuckheadedness.
Real citation: "Bob displayed his usual fuckheaditude when he forgot to pick up milk on the way home as his wife had asked."
(Paula Light, email message, Nov. 13, 2004)
Made-up citation: "Not every fuckhead has fuckheaditude, just as not every meathead has meat."
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
non-men-type-people
noun. Women.
Real citation: "The WaPo takes a look deep inside its own navel today, and apparently the non-white- and non-men-type-people over there are getting restless in the light of a promotion of some white dude to the vacant managing editor slot."
("WaPo: White People In Favor of Fewer Stories," Nov. 19, 2004, Wonkette,
http://www.wonkette.com/politics/media/index.php#wapo-white-people-in-favor-of-fewer-stories-026029)
Made-up citation: "According to George Carlin, all penis-possessors are stupid and all non-men-type-people are insane."
Real citation: "The WaPo takes a look deep inside its own navel today, and apparently the non-white- and non-men-type-people over there are getting restless in the light of a promotion of some white dude to the vacant managing editor slot."
("WaPo: White People In Favor of Fewer Stories," Nov. 19, 2004, Wonkette,
http://www.wonkette.com/politics/media/index.php#wapo-white-people-in-favor-of-fewer-stories-026029)
Made-up citation: "According to George Carlin, all penis-possessors are stupid and all non-men-type-people are insane."
Monday, November 29, 2004
chest-thrusty
adj. Having a fully-extended, prominently-puffed-out mammary region.
Related terms: chesty, thrustage, chest-thrustage, boob-thrustage, hip-thrustage, pelvic-thrustage.
Real citation: "I am about ten years too old not to bristle when somebody calls me dude. I get all chest-thrusty to hint that "Hey, man, I'm a girl." In that context, man is gender neutral too."
(Maggie Balistrieri, "Sub: Dude," Nov. 8, 2004, Cafe Mo, http://cafemo.blogspot.com/2004/11/sub-dude.html)
Made-up citation: "If that asswipe gets all chest-thrusty about philosophy and fuck-all one more time, I am gonna kick him in the ding-ding."
Related terms: chesty, thrustage, chest-thrustage, boob-thrustage, hip-thrustage, pelvic-thrustage.
Real citation: "I am about ten years too old not to bristle when somebody calls me dude. I get all chest-thrusty to hint that "Hey, man, I'm a girl." In that context, man is gender neutral too."
(Maggie Balistrieri, "Sub: Dude," Nov. 8, 2004, Cafe Mo, http://cafemo.blogspot.com/2004/11/sub-dude.html)
Made-up citation: "If that asswipe gets all chest-thrusty about philosophy and fuck-all one more time, I am gonna kick him in the ding-ding."
senior exorcist
noun. An experienced exorcist who has administrative duties in addition to the daily routine of driving demons from their host bodies.
Real citation: "Fr Gabriel Amorth is the well respected senior exorcist of Rome."
("Catholic/ChurchAndSatanism," http://cygnus.homelinux.net:4242/Catholic/
ChurchAndSatanism)
Made-up citation: "If I don't make senior exorcist this year, I'm going to grad school."
Real citation: "Fr Gabriel Amorth is the well respected senior exorcist of Rome."
("Catholic/ChurchAndSatanism," http://cygnus.homelinux.net:4242/Catholic/
ChurchAndSatanism)
Made-up citation: "If I don't make senior exorcist this year, I'm going to grad school."
Sunday, November 28, 2004
pseudo-speedo
noun. A banana hammock that is bursting at the seams with swollen manhood, not integrity.
Real citation: "Even if you were never a regular of WWF's hour of sweaty, pseudo-Speedo bedecked male wrestlers, you probably knew the name: Hulk Hogan. Hogan, famous for wresting a scanty yellow tank top from his well built upper torso, later surprised many fans of the wrestling world by admitting he had taken steroids. Unfortunately, Hogan's use of these drugs is but one part of a growing trend found largely among men today to use testosterone or testosterone-related supplements for the purpose of improving athletic ability or physical appearance."
(Nina Cann-Woode, "INNOVATION: We'll make a man out of you - AndroGel cream revives steroid health concerns," The Stanford Daily, http://daily.stanford.edu/daily/servlet/tempo?page=content&id=1374&repository=0001_article)
Made-up citation: "Around these parts, Casual Friday is only a prelude to Pseudo-speedo Saturday."
Real citation: "Even if you were never a regular of WWF's hour of sweaty, pseudo-Speedo bedecked male wrestlers, you probably knew the name: Hulk Hogan. Hogan, famous for wresting a scanty yellow tank top from his well built upper torso, later surprised many fans of the wrestling world by admitting he had taken steroids. Unfortunately, Hogan's use of these drugs is but one part of a growing trend found largely among men today to use testosterone or testosterone-related supplements for the purpose of improving athletic ability or physical appearance."
(Nina Cann-Woode, "INNOVATION: We'll make a man out of you - AndroGel cream revives steroid health concerns," The Stanford Daily, http://daily.stanford.edu/daily/servlet/tempo?page=content&id=1374&repository=0001_article)
Made-up citation: "Around these parts, Casual Friday is only a prelude to Pseudo-speedo Saturday."
bodily-fluids-imbibing
present participle. Slurping up of that yummy-yet-diverse wet stuff that comes out of people and other critters.
Real citation: "Those with input as the series closes down are most definitely boys. He's dispatched his werewolf girlfriend Nina (Jenny Mollen) on a jet plane and has turned to his own inner circle. Lorne, Gunn, Wes, and Spike ("I'm not wearing any amulets!") all join in with Angel's plan (and he does have one, despite his seeming corruption by absolute power these past few weeks), during a ritual agreement bit that closes the penultimate episode "Power Play" to fight the power, namely, the Circle of the Black Thorn, those grisly, extreme demons who do the Senior Partners' work on earth -- including those present as Angel's "initiation," the bodily-fluids-imbibing Vail (Dennis Christopher), pasty Archduke Sebassis (Leland Crooke), and slippery Senator Bruckner (Stacey Travis). "
(Cynthia Fuchs, "Forever," Reel Images Magazine, http://www.reelimagesmagazine.com/txt_reviews/reelreview_tv.htm)
Made-up citation: "Bodily-fluids-imbibing is a gross hobby, sure, but it can't be much worse than pea-soup-making."
Real citation: "Those with input as the series closes down are most definitely boys. He's dispatched his werewolf girlfriend Nina (Jenny Mollen) on a jet plane and has turned to his own inner circle. Lorne, Gunn, Wes, and Spike ("I'm not wearing any amulets!") all join in with Angel's plan (and he does have one, despite his seeming corruption by absolute power these past few weeks), during a ritual agreement bit that closes the penultimate episode "Power Play" to fight the power, namely, the Circle of the Black Thorn, those grisly, extreme demons who do the Senior Partners' work on earth -- including those present as Angel's "initiation," the bodily-fluids-imbibing Vail (Dennis Christopher), pasty Archduke Sebassis (Leland Crooke), and slippery Senator Bruckner (Stacey Travis). "
(Cynthia Fuchs, "Forever," Reel Images Magazine, http://www.reelimagesmagazine.com/txt_reviews/reelreview_tv.htm)
Made-up citation: "Bodily-fluids-imbibing is a gross hobby, sure, but it can't be much worse than pea-soup-making."
Saturday, November 27, 2004
patron anorexic cokehead twin
noun. A wispy, two-of-a-kind coke monkey that answers prayers for other wispy, two-of-a-kind coke monkeys.
Related terms: patron saint, patron disaster-twin, patron douchegirl, patron skank, primordial skank.
Real citation: "Saturday is officially the Best Day Ever In The History Of New York. Why? Obviously because that's when our patron anorexic cokehead twin, Mary-Kate Olsen, returns to our open arms and gets back to doing whatever it is she does here. Skipping classes and not eating, we think. Whatever, we're just SO HAPPY TO HAVE HER BACK."
("Mary-Kate Still Loves Us," Oct. 27, 2004, http://www.gawker.com/topic/marykate-still-loves-us-024325.php)
Made-up citation: "If you pray to America's patron anorexic cokehead twin, you'll get a bag of the good stuff and no sandwiches under your pillow."
Related terms: patron saint, patron disaster-twin, patron douchegirl, patron skank, primordial skank.
Real citation: "Saturday is officially the Best Day Ever In The History Of New York. Why? Obviously because that's when our patron anorexic cokehead twin, Mary-Kate Olsen, returns to our open arms and gets back to doing whatever it is she does here. Skipping classes and not eating, we think. Whatever, we're just SO HAPPY TO HAVE HER BACK."
("Mary-Kate Still Loves Us," Oct. 27, 2004, http://www.gawker.com/topic/marykate-still-loves-us-024325.php)
Made-up citation: "If you pray to America's patron anorexic cokehead twin, you'll get a bag of the good stuff and no sandwiches under your pillow."
laptoplessness
noun. A sad condition, with no laptops to be found.
Real citation: "I've just picked up one of these little Averatechs after many years of laptoplessness and several months of shopping around. My primary considerations: cheap, reasonably durable, and light/small. I mainly needed something for maximally-portable wireless ..."
(lossf, "A good inexpensive solution," Sept. 18, 2004, Epinions.com, http://www.epinions.com/pr-Averatec_3225HS_AMD_ATHLON_XPM-2000_40GB_512MB_DVD_CDRW_WL-G_12-XGA_XPH_av3225hs20_PC_Notebook/display_
~reviews/pp_~1/sort_~prdrt/sort_dir_~des/sec_~opinion_list)
Made-up citation: "Due to my laptoplessness, I am enjoying very little toplessness in the airport."
Real citation: "I've just picked up one of these little Averatechs after many years of laptoplessness and several months of shopping around. My primary considerations: cheap, reasonably durable, and light/small. I mainly needed something for maximally-portable wireless ..."
(lossf, "A good inexpensive solution," Sept. 18, 2004, Epinions.com, http://www.epinions.com/pr-Averatec_3225HS_AMD_ATHLON_XPM-2000_40GB_512MB_DVD_CDRW_WL-G_12-XGA_XPH_av3225hs20_PC_Notebook/display_
~reviews/pp_~1/sort_~prdrt/sort_dir_~des/sec_~opinion_list)
Made-up citation: "Due to my laptoplessness, I am enjoying very little toplessness in the airport."
Friday, November 26, 2004
horrendo-mom
noun. A bad, bad mommy.
Real citation: "I can't tell where they're going with the Ava/Adrian thing. I'm not sure I want to know. Although I do agree that Ava's in a position to recognize another bad mother in Julia's horrendo-Mom. snarkella, I expect they learn the secret handshake at those Destructive Aggressive Mommies of the Nation Unite! meetings. "
(Sandman, Sept. 17, 2004, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=2864952&st=3960)
Made-up citation: "The screaming children on the airplane made me want to stick in fork in my eye, but I'd scream too if I had a horrendo-mom like that."
Real citation: "I can't tell where they're going with the Ava/Adrian thing. I'm not sure I want to know. Although I do agree that Ava's in a position to recognize another bad mother in Julia's horrendo-Mom. snarkella, I expect they learn the secret handshake at those Destructive Aggressive Mommies of the Nation Unite! meetings. "
(Sandman, Sept. 17, 2004, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=2864952&st=3960)
Made-up citation: "The screaming children on the airplane made me want to stick in fork in my eye, but I'd scream too if I had a horrendo-mom like that."
prolifera
noun. A proliferation; a plethora; a whole bunch of something.
Real citation: “Tulsa is a unique international community, with ethnic and national groups of Africans, Hispanics, Jews, Muslims, Native Americans and many others It's a great place for students who want to experience an array of sporting, entertainment, and cultural activities Photos on this page courtesy of Don Sibley The rolling hills of northeastern Oklahoma are considered a sportsman's paradise, where a prolifera of wild life abound From the Spring National NHRA Drag Racing finals at the Tulsa International Raceway, Western Athletic Conference basketball, football , and other sports, the Tulsa Zoo, Tulsa Ballet Theatre, Tulsa Philharmonic, Tulsa Opera, local museums, annual jazz festivals, Bell's Amusement Park and Tulsa area parks and recreation areas, there is always plenty for students to see and do.”
(“Spartan,” Jayde, http://dir.jayde.com/profile10023503-spartan.html)
Made-up citation: "Contrary to popular belief, prolifera is not a drug, and it will not help motivate your lethargic sperm."
Real citation: “Tulsa is a unique international community, with ethnic and national groups of Africans, Hispanics, Jews, Muslims, Native Americans and many others It's a great place for students who want to experience an array of sporting, entertainment, and cultural activities Photos on this page courtesy of Don Sibley The rolling hills of northeastern Oklahoma are considered a sportsman's paradise, where a prolifera of wild life abound From the Spring National NHRA Drag Racing finals at the Tulsa International Raceway, Western Athletic Conference basketball, football , and other sports, the Tulsa Zoo, Tulsa Ballet Theatre, Tulsa Philharmonic, Tulsa Opera, local museums, annual jazz festivals, Bell's Amusement Park and Tulsa area parks and recreation areas, there is always plenty for students to see and do.”
(“Spartan,” Jayde, http://dir.jayde.com/profile10023503-spartan.html)
Made-up citation: "Contrary to popular belief, prolifera is not a drug, and it will not help motivate your lethargic sperm."
Thursday, November 25, 2004
lickable fragrance product
noun. A tasty, smelly, romantic, tongue-worthy, uh...product.
Real citation: “Though she doesn't really need to, Jessica Simpson is counting calories for her two latest projects. The singer introduced her new line of lickable fragrance products this week, and she's also become a workout fiend to prepare for her upcoming feature-film debut. At New York's Sephora on Tuesday, Simpson said that she co-created Taste, the latest offshoot of her Dessert body-care line, to smell and taste like her favourite smells of childhood - especially the cake batter in the kitchen that signalled something tasty and decadent was on the way. ”
(“Simpsons Launches Lickable Fragrances,” MYVe.com, Oct, 7, 2004, http://www.mtve.com/article.php?ArticleId=5019)
Made-up citation: “Schmoopy-poopy-woopy…your lickable fragrance product is so minty!”
Real citation: “Though she doesn't really need to, Jessica Simpson is counting calories for her two latest projects. The singer introduced her new line of lickable fragrance products this week, and she's also become a workout fiend to prepare for her upcoming feature-film debut. At New York's Sephora on Tuesday, Simpson said that she co-created Taste, the latest offshoot of her Dessert body-care line, to smell and taste like her favourite smells of childhood - especially the cake batter in the kitchen that signalled something tasty and decadent was on the way. ”
(“Simpsons Launches Lickable Fragrances,” MYVe.com, Oct, 7, 2004, http://www.mtve.com/article.php?ArticleId=5019)
Made-up citation: “Schmoopy-poopy-woopy…your lickable fragrance product is so minty!”
spokes-fembot
noun. A female robot who speaks for other female robots.
Real citation: "Rice assured eager viewers every Parcells comeback game would be nationally televised. "Now that NFL Sunday Ticket is available on your PDA and can be beamed to the backs of the lens of your sunglasses," Rice said, "no one will miss a single second of Parcells grimacing on the sidelines or standing at midfield hugging someone he once stabbed in the back." A spokes-fembot for ABCCBSCNNCOMCASTNBCMSNBCFOX, which carries NFL games, predicted record ratings. "
(Gregg Easterbrook, “Tuesday Morning Quarterback,” Football Outsiders, November 18, 2003, http://www.footballoutsiders.com/ramblings.php?p=82&cat=7)
Made-up citation: "If you let your spokes-fembot be my girlfriend-bot, I'll let my howler monkey be your sex monkey."
Real citation: "Rice assured eager viewers every Parcells comeback game would be nationally televised. "Now that NFL Sunday Ticket is available on your PDA and can be beamed to the backs of the lens of your sunglasses," Rice said, "no one will miss a single second of Parcells grimacing on the sidelines or standing at midfield hugging someone he once stabbed in the back." A spokes-fembot for ABCCBSCNNCOMCASTNBCMSNBCFOX, which carries NFL games, predicted record ratings. "
(Gregg Easterbrook, “Tuesday Morning Quarterback,” Football Outsiders, November 18, 2003, http://www.footballoutsiders.com/ramblings.php?p=82&cat=7)
Made-up citation: "If you let your spokes-fembot be my girlfriend-bot, I'll let my howler monkey be your sex monkey."
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Leprechaun liberals, Scrooge McDuck, and sexual-fuckin-intercourse
“Liberal” is almost as dirty a word as “poo-gobbler” these days. Upon receiving the liberal label, most politicians’ skin sizzles and smokes like they were hit with holy water. Two of the more popular terms are “limousine liberal” and “latte liberal,” which remind me very much of other alliterative gems like “lipstick lesbian” and “lipstick librarian.” Though limousine-less, I’m a pretty liberal guy myself, and I think my fellow commie pinkos and surrender monkeys deserve a few new names—here’s a start: liverwurst liberals, Led Zeppelin liberals, la-la land liberals, lustbunny liberals, lounge lizard liberals, liquid lunch liberals, liver-lifter liberals, leprechaun liberals, lobster-liberator liberals, love handle liberals, leprosy liberals, lunar probe liberals, luchadore liberals, latchkey liberals, low-bandwidth liberals, and llama-licking liberals.
On most subjects, I don’t know diddly-squat. On many subjects, I don’t know diddly-shit. On some subjects, I don’t even know diddly-fuck. However, on a subject or two, I do know diddly-poo.
My favorite primate is the bonobo, a species that consists of—how do I put this delicately?—sex maniacs. Bonobos will have sex not only at the drop of a hat, but at the sale of a hat, the sight of a hat, the tipping of a hat, and even the adjusting of a hat. They do it heterosexually, homosexually, incestuously, and quite religiously, using many positions that some thought were unique to us human sex monkeys. Anyway, in the book Tree of Origin, Francis de Waal notes how these simian sexcapades make it hard for the boy bonobos to know whose spawn is whose. Then de Waal wrote this sentence, which I kind of enjoyed: “Male bonobos are obviously not keeping records; they are merely attracted to large, pink genital swellings.” Aren’t we all… On a non-bonobo note, my second favorite sentence this week is a brave admission by Ralph Wiggum: “I want to be a triangle.” Don’t we all…
Because somebody has to, I’ve noticed a great type of word: words with tudes, and I mean that literally. In my in-progress Dictionary of Words That Don’t Belong in Dictionaries, I’ve already included great words like “agro-goofitude” and “jackassitude,” and there are plenty I’ve found that might make the cut later, such as “funkitude,” “punkitude,” “hunkitude,” “girlitude,” “womanitude,” “barfitude,” “lunchitude,” “pornitude,” “hornitude,” “hottitude,” “lustitude,” “skankitude,” “stankitude,” “crotchitude,” “crapitude,” “creepitude,” “boobitude,” “orgasmitude,” “assholitude,” “buttholitude,” “what-the-fuckitude,” and—finally, the lovely and talented—“cluster-fuckitude.”
If a nutjob gave a blow job to a whackjob, and then the whackjob gave a knob job to the nutjob, would the economy improve?
Though I like lame ducks, lucky ducks, rubber ducks, dead ducks, black-bellied whistling ducks, ugly ducklings, and Scrooge McDuck just fine, my favorite duck will always be Peking duck.
Here’s a question for the guys out there: Do you bash the bishop or bash the banana? Usually, my blue-veined custard-chucker feels like a long yellow fruit, but occasionally it does seem like more of a high-ranking official of the Catholic church.
In Bill Casselman’s Canadian Sayings, there are plenty of colorful expressions, but few so intriguing as “He’s so sneaky, I wouldn’t trust him in a shithouse with a knife and fork.” I think we all know a few people—or relatives—who fit this disgusting bill, and thanks to Casselman, we have a new (or possibly old) way to introduce them to prospective employers. This expression is ripe for alteration, as there are a lot of other objects that we probably wouldn’t trust such a person with in the little boys’ or girls’ room, such as: an egg-beater, a vegomatic, tongs, tweezers, pliers, a strainer, chopsticks, salt and pepper shakers, an eye-dropper, a plate, a hammer, and a spoon.
The words of the week:
10) Chowderheaded
9) Pish-posh
8) Winkie-wiggling
7) Lickspittle
6) Schnockered
5) Brouhaha
4) Hog-bosom
3) Pre-misinterpreted
2) Sexual-fuckin-intercourse
1) Nunliness
One of my favorite clichés is “spinning in your grave.” Maybe I have no respect for the dead, or maybe I just like things that spin (basketballs, tops, news stories, the little girl’s head in The Exorcist, etc.) a little too much, but I rather like the idea of the dearly departed having a post-mortem twirl. Sports announcers aren’t usually known for their creativity, but NBA studio commentator Charles Barkley has broken that stereotype by giving this already amusing expression a new, uh, spin: Sometime last year, after a spectacularly embarrassing Boston loss, Barkley insisted that Celtics (living) legends Larry Bird and Kevin McHale were spinning in their graves. On other nights, I’ve heard Barkley describe other pre-dead basketballers like Patrick Ewing and Julius Erving as doing similar post-life exercise routines. In the name of creativity and comedy, I think we should take a cue from Barkley and spread this broader and loonier usage like a VD. And if you don’t help me do so, I’ll be spinning in my grave all afternoon.
On most subjects, I don’t know diddly-squat. On many subjects, I don’t know diddly-shit. On some subjects, I don’t even know diddly-fuck. However, on a subject or two, I do know diddly-poo.
My favorite primate is the bonobo, a species that consists of—how do I put this delicately?—sex maniacs. Bonobos will have sex not only at the drop of a hat, but at the sale of a hat, the sight of a hat, the tipping of a hat, and even the adjusting of a hat. They do it heterosexually, homosexually, incestuously, and quite religiously, using many positions that some thought were unique to us human sex monkeys. Anyway, in the book Tree of Origin, Francis de Waal notes how these simian sexcapades make it hard for the boy bonobos to know whose spawn is whose. Then de Waal wrote this sentence, which I kind of enjoyed: “Male bonobos are obviously not keeping records; they are merely attracted to large, pink genital swellings.” Aren’t we all… On a non-bonobo note, my second favorite sentence this week is a brave admission by Ralph Wiggum: “I want to be a triangle.” Don’t we all…
Because somebody has to, I’ve noticed a great type of word: words with tudes, and I mean that literally. In my in-progress Dictionary of Words That Don’t Belong in Dictionaries, I’ve already included great words like “agro-goofitude” and “jackassitude,” and there are plenty I’ve found that might make the cut later, such as “funkitude,” “punkitude,” “hunkitude,” “girlitude,” “womanitude,” “barfitude,” “lunchitude,” “pornitude,” “hornitude,” “hottitude,” “lustitude,” “skankitude,” “stankitude,” “crotchitude,” “crapitude,” “creepitude,” “boobitude,” “orgasmitude,” “assholitude,” “buttholitude,” “what-the-fuckitude,” and—finally, the lovely and talented—“cluster-fuckitude.”
If a nutjob gave a blow job to a whackjob, and then the whackjob gave a knob job to the nutjob, would the economy improve?
Though I like lame ducks, lucky ducks, rubber ducks, dead ducks, black-bellied whistling ducks, ugly ducklings, and Scrooge McDuck just fine, my favorite duck will always be Peking duck.
Here’s a question for the guys out there: Do you bash the bishop or bash the banana? Usually, my blue-veined custard-chucker feels like a long yellow fruit, but occasionally it does seem like more of a high-ranking official of the Catholic church.
In Bill Casselman’s Canadian Sayings, there are plenty of colorful expressions, but few so intriguing as “He’s so sneaky, I wouldn’t trust him in a shithouse with a knife and fork.” I think we all know a few people—or relatives—who fit this disgusting bill, and thanks to Casselman, we have a new (or possibly old) way to introduce them to prospective employers. This expression is ripe for alteration, as there are a lot of other objects that we probably wouldn’t trust such a person with in the little boys’ or girls’ room, such as: an egg-beater, a vegomatic, tongs, tweezers, pliers, a strainer, chopsticks, salt and pepper shakers, an eye-dropper, a plate, a hammer, and a spoon.
The words of the week:
10) Chowderheaded
9) Pish-posh
8) Winkie-wiggling
7) Lickspittle
6) Schnockered
5) Brouhaha
4) Hog-bosom
3) Pre-misinterpreted
2) Sexual-fuckin-intercourse
1) Nunliness
One of my favorite clichés is “spinning in your grave.” Maybe I have no respect for the dead, or maybe I just like things that spin (basketballs, tops, news stories, the little girl’s head in The Exorcist, etc.) a little too much, but I rather like the idea of the dearly departed having a post-mortem twirl. Sports announcers aren’t usually known for their creativity, but NBA studio commentator Charles Barkley has broken that stereotype by giving this already amusing expression a new, uh, spin: Sometime last year, after a spectacularly embarrassing Boston loss, Barkley insisted that Celtics (living) legends Larry Bird and Kevin McHale were spinning in their graves. On other nights, I’ve heard Barkley describe other pre-dead basketballers like Patrick Ewing and Julius Erving as doing similar post-life exercise routines. In the name of creativity and comedy, I think we should take a cue from Barkley and spread this broader and loonier usage like a VD. And if you don’t help me do so, I’ll be spinning in my grave all afternoon.
Monday, November 22, 2004
santorum-smudged
adj. Stained, soiled, smeared, or otherwise fouled by the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.
Real citation: "Thank you for the perspective-inducing mental image, JM. You're right: American gays aren't swinging from the ends of ropes attached to cranes for wanting to have marital sex. As silver linings go, it's pretty thin, but I'm happy to have it.
I'm sorry to say, though, that you're going to read about politics in this week's column--but only because I'm running your letter, JM. And I'm only running it so that I can swear, on my santorum-smudged Bible, that I'm getting back to sex."
(Dan Savage, "Back to Sex," The Stranger, Nov. 18, 2004, http://www.thestranger.com/2004-11-18/savage.html)
Made-up citation: "Better a santorum-smudged sock than a syrup-smeared sweatshirt, as Mom used to say."
Real citation: "Thank you for the perspective-inducing mental image, JM. You're right: American gays aren't swinging from the ends of ropes attached to cranes for wanting to have marital sex. As silver linings go, it's pretty thin, but I'm happy to have it.
I'm sorry to say, though, that you're going to read about politics in this week's column--but only because I'm running your letter, JM. And I'm only running it so that I can swear, on my santorum-smudged Bible, that I'm getting back to sex."
(Dan Savage, "Back to Sex," The Stranger, Nov. 18, 2004, http://www.thestranger.com/2004-11-18/savage.html)
Made-up citation: "Better a santorum-smudged sock than a syrup-smeared sweatshirt, as Mom used to say."
at the whim of a hat
idiom. At the drop of a hat.
Real citation: “Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat.”
(George W. Bush, “Bushism of the Day,” Slate, Sept. 17, 2004, http://slate.msn.com/id/2106877/)
Made-up citation: "Fellow evil-doers, be ready to smite the money-humping freedom monkeys. Be ready at the whim of a hat!"
Real citation: “Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat.”
(George W. Bush, “Bushism of the Day,” Slate, Sept. 17, 2004, http://slate.msn.com/id/2106877/)
Made-up citation: "Fellow evil-doers, be ready to smite the money-humping freedom monkeys. Be ready at the whim of a hat!"
Sunday, November 21, 2004
wackassitude
noun. A situation characterized (or infested) by a wanker/asswipe. Also: wackass, whackass, whackassness, assitude, jackassitude, assholitude, buttholitude
Real citation: "I was wondering if you knew a word for this type of person.... I recently walked in on a guy wacking off in a public bathroom...would you say he had, extreme wackassitude? "
(Karen Yacobucci, email message, Nov. 16, 2004)
Made-up citation: "How many of Shakespeare's sonnets rhyme 'jackassitude' and 'wackassitude?'"
Real citation: "I was wondering if you knew a word for this type of person.... I recently walked in on a guy wacking off in a public bathroom...would you say he had, extreme wackassitude? "
(Karen Yacobucci, email message, Nov. 16, 2004)
Made-up citation: "How many of Shakespeare's sonnets rhyme 'jackassitude' and 'wackassitude?'"
he-slut
noun. A male ho-bag. Also: man-slut, boy-slut.
Real citation: "Carter plays a man cuckolded by the adorable he-slut Alfie, who steals Susan Sarandon out from under him. As close readers of this site's 'content' know, Carter's dealings with Hollywood have received much scrutiny this year. (You nailed a magazine editor for earning $100,000 from a movie studio, but you couldn't do anything about Dick Cheney's deferred Halliburton payments? Great job, journalists!) "
("What's It All About, Graydon? " Nov. 5, 2004, Gawker, http://www.gawker.com/topic/whats-it-all-about-graydon-025068.php)
Made-up citation: "There's a fine line between a mimbo and a he-slut. Well, not really."
Real citation: "Carter plays a man cuckolded by the adorable he-slut Alfie, who steals Susan Sarandon out from under him. As close readers of this site's 'content' know, Carter's dealings with Hollywood have received much scrutiny this year. (You nailed a magazine editor for earning $100,000 from a movie studio, but you couldn't do anything about Dick Cheney's deferred Halliburton payments? Great job, journalists!) "
("What's It All About, Graydon? " Nov. 5, 2004, Gawker, http://www.gawker.com/topic/whats-it-all-about-graydon-025068.php)
Made-up citation: "There's a fine line between a mimbo and a he-slut. Well, not really."
Saturday, November 20, 2004
dorkfuck
noun. A fucking dork; a freaking dork; a frigging dork; a goddamn dork.
Real citation: "On another note, I swear the law library is run by nazis. There has been some dorkfuck patrolling the area near where I am studying, thus preventing me from busting out my diet cola action. Its proabably all warm and nasty by now. Hope he is gone after I finish this message. "
(Thug, May 21, 2001, http://ninjabunny.org/cgi-bin/boardpower/misc.cgi?action=replyquote&forum=1&discussion=155&p=12)
Made-up citation: "Hey dorkfuck! Will you write me a letter of recommendation?"
Real citation: "On another note, I swear the law library is run by nazis. There has been some dorkfuck patrolling the area near where I am studying, thus preventing me from busting out my diet cola action. Its proabably all warm and nasty by now. Hope he is gone after I finish this message. "
(Thug, May 21, 2001, http://ninjabunny.org/cgi-bin/boardpower/misc.cgi?action=replyquote&forum=1&discussion=155&p=12)
Made-up citation: "Hey dorkfuck! Will you write me a letter of recommendation?"
Friday, November 19, 2004
the Rat gods
noun. Divine rodent-like beings of awesome power. Possibly not to be trusted.
Real citation: "Some people say that George Bush should be run down and sacrificed to the Rat gods. But not me. No. I say it would be a lot easier to just vote the bastard out of office on November 2nd."
(Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing, Campaign 2004," Rolling Stone, Issue 961, Nov. 11, 2004)
Made-up citation: "I am praying to the Rat gods that they smite down my sister's husband with extreme prejudice. And I don't mind if they leave marks."
Real citation: "Some people say that George Bush should be run down and sacrificed to the Rat gods. But not me. No. I say it would be a lot easier to just vote the bastard out of office on November 2nd."
(Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing, Campaign 2004," Rolling Stone, Issue 961, Nov. 11, 2004)
Made-up citation: "I am praying to the Rat gods that they smite down my sister's husband with extreme prejudice. And I don't mind if they leave marks."
Thursday, November 18, 2004
absodiddly
adverb. 1. Absolutely. 2. Absolutely diddly-squat.
Related terms: absoschmuckinglutely, absogoddamnlutely, absofrikkinlutely, mur-diddly-urdler, dil-diddly-emma, diddlywhacker, son of a diddly, diddly-poo, cock-a-diddly-ding-dong-doo-doo.
Real citation: "From chrissy: Do you have any spoilers on Charmed's eppys to come?
Absodiddly. Coolio guest stars mid March as a demon who crashes Phoebe's wedding. (He loves those WB witches: He also guest starred on Sabrina.) And the wedding is a big ol' mess: The Source snatches Cole's body in an attempt to transform the ceremony into a demonic wedding, allowing their foretold son to become heir to the underworld. Coolio is a demon servant of the Source, whose job is to detain the girls...with pain."
("Watch with Wanda," Feb. 25. 2002, E! Online, http://www.eonline.com/Gossip/Wanda/Trans/Archive2002/
020225b.html)
Made-up citation: "Billy's done absodiddly nothing today, again--I think his ambition drowned in the bong water."
Related terms: absoschmuckinglutely, absogoddamnlutely, absofrikkinlutely, mur-diddly-urdler, dil-diddly-emma, diddlywhacker, son of a diddly, diddly-poo, cock-a-diddly-ding-dong-doo-doo.
Real citation: "From chrissy: Do you have any spoilers on Charmed's eppys to come?
Absodiddly. Coolio guest stars mid March as a demon who crashes Phoebe's wedding. (He loves those WB witches: He also guest starred on Sabrina.) And the wedding is a big ol' mess: The Source snatches Cole's body in an attempt to transform the ceremony into a demonic wedding, allowing their foretold son to become heir to the underworld. Coolio is a demon servant of the Source, whose job is to detain the girls...with pain."
("Watch with Wanda," Feb. 25. 2002, E! Online, http://www.eonline.com/Gossip/Wanda/Trans/Archive2002/
020225b.html)
Made-up citation: "Billy's done absodiddly nothing today, again--I think his ambition drowned in the bong water."
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
One-eyed motherfuckers, nice wazoos, and spider-demony-thingies
If a buckle bunny with trout pout can frighten a monkey out of a banana tree, then a rodeo groupie with prominent lips resulting from plastic surgery is terrifying. On the other hand, if a house ape and a horsehead can talk a monkey out of a banana tree, then a small child and a heroin addict are very persuasive.
On a recent Simpsons episode, in reference to some family-oriented responsibility, Homer delivered one of my favorite lines ever: “As the Bible says, screw that!” Everyone knows that Bible quotes can be used to support stuff ranging from anything to everything, but I think Homer is showing us how to call upon a higher power with even more power. If you haven’t already, it’s time to start attributing whatever the Sam Fuck you want to the good book, and screw ‘em with an upside-down pillar of salt if they can’t take the joke. I can’t wait to work the following sentences into my next letter to the editor: As the Bible says, “Severe constipation can kill an elephant.” As the Bible says, “Peyote rhymes with ‘Hey Jodi.’” As the Bible says, “That hurts like a one-eyed motherfucker!” As the Bible says, “Chirup chireep chirrup, chirup chireep chirrup.”
You rarely hear an ass described as a “wazoo” unless it’s in the expressions “up the wazoo” and “out the wazoo.” Why not, though? It would add a little zip to anybody’s vocabulary if they said things like, “Nice wazoo,” “You sir, are a wazoohole,” “Do you enjoy wazoolingus?,” and “When you assume, you make a wazoo out of you and me.”
I don’t believe in much, but I believe that paper towel dispensers with “no-touch sensor” labels have a God-like, Death Star-quality energy field that forces weak-willed monkeys like myself to touch them. Talk about the power of language. Maybe I’d get more action if, on my next date, I wore a “no-touch sensor” bumper sticker on my quivering loins.
Four-letter words that end in “p” are kind of fun: beep, bump, burp, chip, chop, clap, clip, coop, crap, deep, drip, drop, dump, flip, flop, gimp, glop, goop, grip, gump, harp, help, hoop, hump, jump, keep, lamp, leap, limp, loop, lump, peep, poop, prop, pulp, pump, reap, romp, rump, seep, ship, shop, simp, slap, slip, slop, soap, step, stop, trap, trip, wasp, weep, whap, whip, whup, yelp. See what I mean?
I know nuns before noon are a bad sign; so is a palooka with a bazooka.
Is there a difference between “spooge” and “splooge”? Is one mintier?
Some snuff films just aren’t up to snuff.
I’ve been jogging—or in my case, stumbling—only a few times in my life, so I have to take my friend Karen’s word that people (especially man-people) tend to say annoying stuff to joggers, like “You can do it,” “You’re doing great,” “Keep going,” and “Go for the gold!” Next time someone says that last one to her, I hope Karen will take my advice and calmly reply, “Go fuck yourself for the gold!”
A “pandescenderer” is someone who panders and condescends at the same time. A “panda-hugger” is a supporter of China. A “panda” is very cute. Now you can’t say you didn’t learn anything about pandas today.
The words of the week:
10) Kanga-bloody-roo
9) Shit-cauldron
8) Tenderloin
7) Blimey
6) Quasi-spousal
5) Simon-and-Garfunkel-bashing
4) Spider-demony-thingy
3) Prithee
2) Twaddle
1) Ootchimagootchi
In Ohio, a new game with an old name is becoming popular: cornhole. This Midwestern pastime—which involves throwing a beanbag of corn in a hole—is not to be confused with the traditional version of cornhole, which involves pumping a purple-veined passion python into a poop-chute. This accurately-yet-hilariously-named game has inspired organizations (the American Cornhole Association), events (the Holiday Cornhole Classic), and websites (http://www.playcornhole.com/). Like batshit-loony parents who name their children “Chlamydia” or “Latrina” because the names sound pretty, the good people of Ohio seem to be lacking a good slang dictionary. Maybe it’s no coincidence that the election was decided in The Cornhole State.
On a recent Simpsons episode, in reference to some family-oriented responsibility, Homer delivered one of my favorite lines ever: “As the Bible says, screw that!” Everyone knows that Bible quotes can be used to support stuff ranging from anything to everything, but I think Homer is showing us how to call upon a higher power with even more power. If you haven’t already, it’s time to start attributing whatever the Sam Fuck you want to the good book, and screw ‘em with an upside-down pillar of salt if they can’t take the joke. I can’t wait to work the following sentences into my next letter to the editor: As the Bible says, “Severe constipation can kill an elephant.” As the Bible says, “Peyote rhymes with ‘Hey Jodi.’” As the Bible says, “That hurts like a one-eyed motherfucker!” As the Bible says, “Chirup chireep chirrup, chirup chireep chirrup.”
You rarely hear an ass described as a “wazoo” unless it’s in the expressions “up the wazoo” and “out the wazoo.” Why not, though? It would add a little zip to anybody’s vocabulary if they said things like, “Nice wazoo,” “You sir, are a wazoohole,” “Do you enjoy wazoolingus?,” and “When you assume, you make a wazoo out of you and me.”
I don’t believe in much, but I believe that paper towel dispensers with “no-touch sensor” labels have a God-like, Death Star-quality energy field that forces weak-willed monkeys like myself to touch them. Talk about the power of language. Maybe I’d get more action if, on my next date, I wore a “no-touch sensor” bumper sticker on my quivering loins.
Four-letter words that end in “p” are kind of fun: beep, bump, burp, chip, chop, clap, clip, coop, crap, deep, drip, drop, dump, flip, flop, gimp, glop, goop, grip, gump, harp, help, hoop, hump, jump, keep, lamp, leap, limp, loop, lump, peep, poop, prop, pulp, pump, reap, romp, rump, seep, ship, shop, simp, slap, slip, slop, soap, step, stop, trap, trip, wasp, weep, whap, whip, whup, yelp. See what I mean?
I know nuns before noon are a bad sign; so is a palooka with a bazooka.
Is there a difference between “spooge” and “splooge”? Is one mintier?
Some snuff films just aren’t up to snuff.
I’ve been jogging—or in my case, stumbling—only a few times in my life, so I have to take my friend Karen’s word that people (especially man-people) tend to say annoying stuff to joggers, like “You can do it,” “You’re doing great,” “Keep going,” and “Go for the gold!” Next time someone says that last one to her, I hope Karen will take my advice and calmly reply, “Go fuck yourself for the gold!”
A “pandescenderer” is someone who panders and condescends at the same time. A “panda-hugger” is a supporter of China. A “panda” is very cute. Now you can’t say you didn’t learn anything about pandas today.
The words of the week:
10) Kanga-bloody-roo
9) Shit-cauldron
8) Tenderloin
7) Blimey
6) Quasi-spousal
5) Simon-and-Garfunkel-bashing
4) Spider-demony-thingy
3) Prithee
2) Twaddle
1) Ootchimagootchi
In Ohio, a new game with an old name is becoming popular: cornhole. This Midwestern pastime—which involves throwing a beanbag of corn in a hole—is not to be confused with the traditional version of cornhole, which involves pumping a purple-veined passion python into a poop-chute. This accurately-yet-hilariously-named game has inspired organizations (the American Cornhole Association), events (the Holiday Cornhole Classic), and websites (http://www.playcornhole.com/). Like batshit-loony parents who name their children “Chlamydia” or “Latrina” because the names sound pretty, the good people of Ohio seem to be lacking a good slang dictionary. Maybe it’s no coincidence that the election was decided in The Cornhole State.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
zookeeper-mauling
present participle. Tearing, mutilating, and chewing up a kindly caretaker of animals.
Real citation: "Watch the Zookeeper-Mauling Polar Bear Get Euthanized."
("America's Best Zoo Exhibits, The Onion, Vol. 39, Issue 34, Sept. 4-10, 2003)
Made-up citation: "I'm trying very hard to cut down on my bad habits, like fingernail-chewing, cigar-smoking, pet-eating, and zookeeper-mauling."
Real citation: "Watch the Zookeeper-Mauling Polar Bear Get Euthanized."
("America's Best Zoo Exhibits, The Onion, Vol. 39, Issue 34, Sept. 4-10, 2003)
Made-up citation: "I'm trying very hard to cut down on my bad habits, like fingernail-chewing, cigar-smoking, pet-eating, and zookeeper-mauling."
Monday, November 15, 2004
non-hooker-hirer
noun. A person who does not pay for the goodies and services of prostitutes, preferring to acquire nookie through the barter system or household appliances.
Real citation: "So anyway, as you can see, I'm taken. (At least for now.) Not wanting to leave you hanging, I set out to find answers to your questions. Even a non-hooker-hirer like myself knows that in-call means their place, out-call means yours. C'mon. "
(Judy McGuire, "Hired Help," August 18-24, 2004, Seattle Weekly)
Made-up citation: "I may be a non-hooker-hirer, but I am not a non-dumbass-disemboweler, so keep your distance."
Real citation: "So anyway, as you can see, I'm taken. (At least for now.) Not wanting to leave you hanging, I set out to find answers to your questions. Even a non-hooker-hirer like myself knows that in-call means their place, out-call means yours. C'mon. "
(Judy McGuire, "Hired Help," August 18-24, 2004, Seattle Weekly)
Made-up citation: "I may be a non-hooker-hirer, but I am not a non-dumbass-disemboweler, so keep your distance."
Sunday, November 14, 2004
blessedly-boobed
adj. Having heaving, heavenly bagoingers.
Real citation: “Tween star Hilary Duff takes her drama with Lindsay Lohan to musical proportions with a new song directed at the blessedly-boobed actress. Next up, a dance-off. ”
(“Gossip Roundup: Olsen Educational Update,” Oct. 6, 2004, Gawker.com, http://www.gawker.com/topic/gossip-roundup-olsen-educational-update-022776.php)
Made-up citation: “Is Brigitte Bardot, Barbara Bush, Betty Boop, or Brianna Banana more blessedly-boobed?”
Real citation: “Tween star Hilary Duff takes her drama with Lindsay Lohan to musical proportions with a new song directed at the blessedly-boobed actress. Next up, a dance-off. ”
(“Gossip Roundup: Olsen Educational Update,” Oct. 6, 2004, Gawker.com, http://www.gawker.com/topic/gossip-roundup-olsen-educational-update-022776.php)
Made-up citation: “Is Brigitte Bardot, Barbara Bush, Betty Boop, or Brianna Banana more blessedly-boobed?”
Saturday, November 13, 2004
schmoopsie-poo
noun. Diminutive, cute loved one; sweetie; poopsie-woopsie; honey-bunny.
Related terms: schmoopie-poo, poopie-poo, honey-poo, sweety-poo, cutey-poo, wifey-poo, snacky-poo, poo-poo, Yorkie-poo.
Real citation: "Honey, not going on study abroad isn't the end of the world. I should know; I didn't. I wanted to too, believe me. I wanted to go to Scotland and see all of Britain, but I wound up not being able to because of graduation requirements/credits. But I still had an amazing junior year. I was worried about being alone, with all my friends all over the world, but instead I just went out and made new friends (including you!!). Save your money and take a trip later. That's what I'm doing; saving up for a trip to Ireland for my senior spring break. And Jay and I still love you, schmoopsie-poo!"
(kzoopunk, Livejournal, March 5, 2004, http://www.livejournal.com/users/darkpaw/287751.html)
Made-up citation: "I'll be your snuggle-bunny, and I'll be your cuddle-monkey, and I'll be your sex poodle, but I draw the line at being your schmoopsie-poo."
Related terms: schmoopie-poo, poopie-poo, honey-poo, sweety-poo, cutey-poo, wifey-poo, snacky-poo, poo-poo, Yorkie-poo.
Real citation: "Honey, not going on study abroad isn't the end of the world. I should know; I didn't. I wanted to too, believe me. I wanted to go to Scotland and see all of Britain, but I wound up not being able to because of graduation requirements/credits. But I still had an amazing junior year. I was worried about being alone, with all my friends all over the world, but instead I just went out and made new friends (including you!!). Save your money and take a trip later. That's what I'm doing; saving up for a trip to Ireland for my senior spring break. And Jay and I still love you, schmoopsie-poo!"
(kzoopunk, Livejournal, March 5, 2004, http://www.livejournal.com/users/darkpaw/287751.html)
Made-up citation: "I'll be your snuggle-bunny, and I'll be your cuddle-monkey, and I'll be your sex poodle, but I draw the line at being your schmoopsie-poo."
Friday, November 12, 2004
banana-mimicking
present participle. Imitating or indicating the long, firm, ripe, yellow fruit.
Real citation: "Yes, she joked about her husband's endowments, but when answering as to whether her husband is gay, Guilfoyle Newsom said only, 'Not unless you are better than me.'
At which point, she says, she raised her elbow at a 45-degree angle and pointed at herself with a closed fist and thumbs up.
'It was not a banana-mimicking gesture,'' she said. "I know what I said and did. ... I have nothing to hide.'"
(Kimberly Guilfoyle Newsom, quoted by Phillip Matier and Andrew Ross, "Newsom's wife says sex joke has been exaggerated," Oct. 24, 2004, http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2004/10/24/BAGPV9EJML35.DTL)
Made-up citation: "I'm not too good at banana-mimicking, but my mango-miming skills are truly sublime."
Real citation: "Yes, she joked about her husband's endowments, but when answering as to whether her husband is gay, Guilfoyle Newsom said only, 'Not unless you are better than me.'
At which point, she says, she raised her elbow at a 45-degree angle and pointed at herself with a closed fist and thumbs up.
'It was not a banana-mimicking gesture,'' she said. "I know what I said and did. ... I have nothing to hide.'"
(Kimberly Guilfoyle Newsom, quoted by Phillip Matier and Andrew Ross, "Newsom's wife says sex joke has been exaggerated," Oct. 24, 2004, http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2004/10/24/BAGPV9EJML35.DTL)
Made-up citation: "I'm not too good at banana-mimicking, but my mango-miming skills are truly sublime."
Thursday, November 11, 2004
minionator
noun. Minion.
Real citation: "Once again, nice work, minionators!"
(Harmony, "The Real Me," Oct. 3, 2000, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Made-up citation: "Though my lackeys are lackluster, I have a fine staff of motivated minionators."
Real citation: "Once again, nice work, minionators!"
(Harmony, "The Real Me," Oct. 3, 2000, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Made-up citation: "Though my lackeys are lackluster, I have a fine staff of motivated minionators."
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Evil empires, summer cabbage, and pharmacogenomics
Does your inner child have an inner ear infection? Maybe you need to unleash, discover, release, embrace, or spank one of the many hidden entities I found with Google’s help, such as your inner smurf, inner European, inner dragon, inner flower, inner Republican, inner he-man, inner zombie, inner voyeur, inner kitten, inner Warhol, inner gourmet, inner cheerleader, inner brat, inner supermodel, inner doughnut, inner ghoul, inner Olympian, inner heiress, inner music industry diva, inner Tweety, inner money manager, inner gyroscope, or inner Robert Mapplethorpe. Unfortunately, neither Google nor I know what you should do with your inner Sumatran rat monkey.
I’ve never had a glide in my stride or a dip in my hip, but I have had a gimp in my limp and some glass in my ass.
The most disturbing bit of graffiti I’ve ever seen was at the University of Buffalo, in a library bathroom stall, where I sat, shat, and read the normally non-terrifying word “hi.” One problem—the word was written in shit. In the “most unintentionally amusing graffiti” category, I’d vote for some latrine literature I saw at a summer camp. These words of wisdom may have been composed by a camper, a counselor, or possibly even a wise bear from the woods. Here they are in all their glory, sure to make the authors’ parents and English teachers proud: “Stephen use this toilet to take a dump / it fills good / except the straining.”
I’ve often wistfully wished for a goon, and I think minions would be pretty sweet, but now I know what I really want to ask Santa for: an evil empire. Look at all the things that have been called evil empires: The Soviet Union, the New York Yankees, Starbucks, Walmart, Microsoft… Four out of five are unstoppable mega-juggernauts, and one out of five scared the living shit out of the unstoppable U.S. uber-juggernaut. If I had me one of them evil empires…well, it could syndicate this column for one thing. It could provide goods and services at a reasonable price. It could force the other evil empires to start serving bubble tea and canoli, as they should. Mmmm…evil fucking empire.
Imagine an asshole getting cornholed by a butthole in a shithole. Would the universe get sucked into a black hole?
From experience, I knew that these two alcoholic’s slogans were true: “Liquor before beer, never fear” and “Beer before liquor, never sicker.” The other night I was hoping to prove the wisdom of “Beer before wine, you’ll be fine.” Unfortunately, the only Johnny Cochran-esque booze bumper sticker I could honestly endorse now would be “Beer before wine—are you out of your mind?”
It’s fun, though expensive, to replace money with monkeys, but I can’t resist: A fool and his monkey are soon parted. Rich or poor, it’s good to have monkeys. Show me the monkey. Time is a monkey. Your monkey is no good here. No one’s credit is as good as his monkey. When monkeys speak, the truth keeps silent. Monkeys are the root of all evil. The love of monkeys is the root of all evil. He that marries for monkeys will earn them.
The words of the week:
10) Honeyfuggle
9) Heartbreakee
8) Barfogenesis
7) Gerbilcide
6) Assmosis
5) Love-matic
4) Rotgut
3) Unchimpanzeelike
2) Pharmacogenomics
1) Defrocked
There are a lot of fun terms for sex, such as “sink the sausage,” “make the beast with two backs,” “do the horizontal mambo,” “have a bit of summer cabbage,” and “take old one-eye to the optometrist.” The best one I’ve read lately is “put the devil into hell.” This is an expression that men, women, man-haters, woman-haters, sex-haters, and sex maniacs alike can embrace--it doesn’t favor men (and their little devils) or women (and their living hells). FOX News itself couldn’t come up with a more fair and balanced view of the sex act. God bless America.
I’ve never had a glide in my stride or a dip in my hip, but I have had a gimp in my limp and some glass in my ass.
The most disturbing bit of graffiti I’ve ever seen was at the University of Buffalo, in a library bathroom stall, where I sat, shat, and read the normally non-terrifying word “hi.” One problem—the word was written in shit. In the “most unintentionally amusing graffiti” category, I’d vote for some latrine literature I saw at a summer camp. These words of wisdom may have been composed by a camper, a counselor, or possibly even a wise bear from the woods. Here they are in all their glory, sure to make the authors’ parents and English teachers proud: “Stephen use this toilet to take a dump / it fills good / except the straining.”
I’ve often wistfully wished for a goon, and I think minions would be pretty sweet, but now I know what I really want to ask Santa for: an evil empire. Look at all the things that have been called evil empires: The Soviet Union, the New York Yankees, Starbucks, Walmart, Microsoft… Four out of five are unstoppable mega-juggernauts, and one out of five scared the living shit out of the unstoppable U.S. uber-juggernaut. If I had me one of them evil empires…well, it could syndicate this column for one thing. It could provide goods and services at a reasonable price. It could force the other evil empires to start serving bubble tea and canoli, as they should. Mmmm…evil fucking empire.
Imagine an asshole getting cornholed by a butthole in a shithole. Would the universe get sucked into a black hole?
From experience, I knew that these two alcoholic’s slogans were true: “Liquor before beer, never fear” and “Beer before liquor, never sicker.” The other night I was hoping to prove the wisdom of “Beer before wine, you’ll be fine.” Unfortunately, the only Johnny Cochran-esque booze bumper sticker I could honestly endorse now would be “Beer before wine—are you out of your mind?”
It’s fun, though expensive, to replace money with monkeys, but I can’t resist: A fool and his monkey are soon parted. Rich or poor, it’s good to have monkeys. Show me the monkey. Time is a monkey. Your monkey is no good here. No one’s credit is as good as his monkey. When monkeys speak, the truth keeps silent. Monkeys are the root of all evil. The love of monkeys is the root of all evil. He that marries for monkeys will earn them.
The words of the week:
10) Honeyfuggle
9) Heartbreakee
8) Barfogenesis
7) Gerbilcide
6) Assmosis
5) Love-matic
4) Rotgut
3) Unchimpanzeelike
2) Pharmacogenomics
1) Defrocked
There are a lot of fun terms for sex, such as “sink the sausage,” “make the beast with two backs,” “do the horizontal mambo,” “have a bit of summer cabbage,” and “take old one-eye to the optometrist.” The best one I’ve read lately is “put the devil into hell.” This is an expression that men, women, man-haters, woman-haters, sex-haters, and sex maniacs alike can embrace--it doesn’t favor men (and their little devils) or women (and their living hells). FOX News itself couldn’t come up with a more fair and balanced view of the sex act. God bless America.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
jackassitude
noun. 1. A jackass' attitude. 2. A state of extreme jackassishness.
Real citation: "As far as Boeing, it does dishearten me to hear a crowd boo their own home team after a bad loss, or a string of successive losses (then again, most people present at the games show some kind of jackassitude or another so I shouldn't be surprised)."
(Ufez Jones, SportsFilter, June 20, 2003, http://www.sportsfilter.com/comments.cfm/1762)
Made-up citation: "I was trying to enjoy the pulchritude, but the jackassitude was too much of a bummer."
Real citation: "As far as Boeing, it does dishearten me to hear a crowd boo their own home team after a bad loss, or a string of successive losses (then again, most people present at the games show some kind of jackassitude or another so I shouldn't be surprised)."
(Ufez Jones, SportsFilter, June 20, 2003, http://www.sportsfilter.com/comments.cfm/1762)
Made-up citation: "I was trying to enjoy the pulchritude, but the jackassitude was too much of a bummer."
Monday, November 08, 2004
fucking like banshees
idiom. Mega-fucking; uber-fucking; fucking to the gazillionth power of fuck; fucking like a racehorse.
Real citation: “When Emily Post first wrote of "polite society," she wasn't thinking of the play space at Birmingham's Rapture. But just because people are running around naked fucking like banshees doesn't mean anything goes. Like other social venues, sex clubs have their own set of dos and don'ts. If you're new to the scene, it's wise to learn them, just as you would before visiting a foreign country.”
(Lisa Archer, “Undress for Success,” Eros Guide San Francisco, Oct. 30, 2002, http://www.eros-guide.com/articles/2002-10-30/etiquette/)
Made-up citation: “Woo woo! Those bunnies are fucking like banshees! (Very cute, fluffy banshees).”
Real citation: “When Emily Post first wrote of "polite society," she wasn't thinking of the play space at Birmingham's Rapture. But just because people are running around naked fucking like banshees doesn't mean anything goes. Like other social venues, sex clubs have their own set of dos and don'ts. If you're new to the scene, it's wise to learn them, just as you would before visiting a foreign country.”
(Lisa Archer, “Undress for Success,” Eros Guide San Francisco, Oct. 30, 2002, http://www.eros-guide.com/articles/2002-10-30/etiquette/)
Made-up citation: “Woo woo! Those bunnies are fucking like banshees! (Very cute, fluffy banshees).”
Sunday, November 07, 2004
skankspionage
noun. Sneaky espionage activity carried out by skanks, or possibly hos.
Real citation: “Lauren was originally good, and got turned eeeevil by the Covenant after Sydney returned. Now, I am hardly a rabid SV shipper, but even I will concede that Vaughn was just stupid-in-love with Syd at the time she disappeared. So there must have been foul play involved in the accelerated V/L courtship (nine. fucking. months. That. Bitch. How about....Lauren slips Vaughn a roofie and then does some Allisonesque postcoital hypnotism?) I'm just saying, if both parties are playing fair, there's no way Vaughn would be all Kissy-Face with the COW nine months after Syd's "death". Plus, scenes from After Six imply that Lauren has a fair amount of experience in the world of skankspionage - more than she would have gotten in the past year or so. I think we can eliminate this possibility.”
(cjgurl427, “Mission Briefings: The Speculation Thread (No Spoilers),” Television Without Pity, Feb. 19, 2004, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=842757&st=1170)
Made-up citation: "Maybe the election would have turned out differently if skankspionage were a more prominent issue.
Real citation: “Lauren was originally good, and got turned eeeevil by the Covenant after Sydney returned. Now, I am hardly a rabid SV shipper, but even I will concede that Vaughn was just stupid-in-love with Syd at the time she disappeared. So there must have been foul play involved in the accelerated V/L courtship (nine. fucking. months. That. Bitch. How about....Lauren slips Vaughn a roofie and then does some Allisonesque postcoital hypnotism?) I'm just saying, if both parties are playing fair, there's no way Vaughn would be all Kissy-Face with the COW nine months after Syd's "death". Plus, scenes from After Six imply that Lauren has a fair amount of experience in the world of skankspionage - more than she would have gotten in the past year or so. I think we can eliminate this possibility.”
(cjgurl427, “Mission Briefings: The Speculation Thread (No Spoilers),” Television Without Pity, Feb. 19, 2004, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=842757&st=1170)
Made-up citation: "Maybe the election would have turned out differently if skankspionage were a more prominent issue.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Columns
Leprechaun liberals, Scrooge McDuck, and sexual-fuckin-intercourse
One-eyed motherfuckers, nice wazoos, and spider-demony-thingies
Evil empires, summer cabbage, and pharmacogenomics
Mythical birds, fuckedupedness, and kitchy-kitchy-koo
Thongs, muffins, and absquatulations
Smiley feces, peek-a-boob, and grim death
Horse-pucky, mama-yamas, and God's sack
Squirrels, holiness, and backsplash
Torture, rage, and waffles
Saddam, Jesus, and Mom
One-eyed motherfuckers, nice wazoos, and spider-demony-thingies
Evil empires, summer cabbage, and pharmacogenomics
Mythical birds, fuckedupedness, and kitchy-kitchy-koo
Thongs, muffins, and absquatulations
Smiley feces, peek-a-boob, and grim death
Horse-pucky, mama-yamas, and God's sack
Squirrels, holiness, and backsplash
Torture, rage, and waffles
Saddam, Jesus, and Mom
hamster-kissing
present participle. Having a tendency to lock lips with the furriest, cuddliest, sweetest rodent of them all.
Real citation: “The final night of the convention was Kerry’s opportunity to inspire a country in need of something to be enthusiastic about. Instead, we got an infomercial. The product? The result of too many campaign strategists and focus groups: an ass-kicking, life-saving, hamster-kissing war hero.”
(Henry P. Belanger, “Curse of the Campaign Strategists,” In the Fray, August 18, 2004. http://inthefray.com/html/article.php?sid=634&mode=thread&order=0)
Made-up citation: “In the Beijing Olympics, new sports will include ultimate frisbee, competitive eating, and synchronized hamster-kissing.”
Real citation: “The final night of the convention was Kerry’s opportunity to inspire a country in need of something to be enthusiastic about. Instead, we got an infomercial. The product? The result of too many campaign strategists and focus groups: an ass-kicking, life-saving, hamster-kissing war hero.”
(Henry P. Belanger, “Curse of the Campaign Strategists,” In the Fray, August 18, 2004. http://inthefray.com/html/article.php?sid=634&mode=thread&order=0)
Made-up citation: “In the Beijing Olympics, new sports will include ultimate frisbee, competitive eating, and synchronized hamster-kissing.”
Friday, November 05, 2004
post-Janet-Jackson’s-breast
adj. Part of the new historical period that began when one-half of Jacko’s Racko was revealed at the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show.
Related terms: peek-a-boob, wardrobe malfunction, stripping.
Real citation: “I would have to think it's just the times that we live in -- the post-Janet-Jackson's-breast age. The bigger picture is that the FCC's raising the fines from $27,500 to $500,000 [for obscenity]. That is great. Even though the FCC hasn't warned KCRW, which is a local public-radio station.”
(Sandra Tsing Loh interviewed by John Gorenfeld, “A stand against pompous gasbags,” Salon, March 16, 2004, http://www.salon.com/ent/feature/2004/03/16/loh/)
Made-up citation: “In the post-Janet-Jackson's-breast era, I just don’t feel the same confidence in the stock market.”
Related terms: peek-a-boob, wardrobe malfunction, stripping.
Real citation: “I would have to think it's just the times that we live in -- the post-Janet-Jackson's-breast age. The bigger picture is that the FCC's raising the fines from $27,500 to $500,000 [for obscenity]. That is great. Even though the FCC hasn't warned KCRW, which is a local public-radio station.”
(Sandra Tsing Loh interviewed by John Gorenfeld, “A stand against pompous gasbags,” Salon, March 16, 2004, http://www.salon.com/ent/feature/2004/03/16/loh/)
Made-up citation: “In the post-Janet-Jackson's-breast era, I just don’t feel the same confidence in the stock market.”
Thursday, November 04, 2004
pseudo-bumpkin
noun. A would-be bumpkin; a wanna-be yokel; a poseur hillbilly; a quasi-redneck; a not-quite hayseed; a phony rube.
Real citation: “Bush's language has become a less important issue for his American critics, too. Not that they don't still regard him an ignorant bumpkin (or worse, a pseudo-bumpkin) who embarrasses the country, but now they're concerned that he's making America look bad in much more dangerous ways. That anger has nothing to do with the fact that Bush doesn't talk like Tony Blair -- or for that matter, that Tony Blair does.”
(Geoffrey Nunberg, “Special Effects,” http://www-csli.stanford.edu/~nunberg/bush.html)
Made-up citation: "If a metrosexual and a pseudo-bumpkin fought a duel to the death, what deity would you pray to for a double homicide?"
Real citation: “Bush's language has become a less important issue for his American critics, too. Not that they don't still regard him an ignorant bumpkin (or worse, a pseudo-bumpkin) who embarrasses the country, but now they're concerned that he's making America look bad in much more dangerous ways. That anger has nothing to do with the fact that Bush doesn't talk like Tony Blair -- or for that matter, that Tony Blair does.”
(Geoffrey Nunberg, “Special Effects,” http://www-csli.stanford.edu/~nunberg/bush.html)
Made-up citation: "If a metrosexual and a pseudo-bumpkin fought a duel to the death, what deity would you pray to for a double homicide?"
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Mythical birds, fuckedupedness, and kitchy-kitchy-koo
Since I write about language, people ask me questions all the time about capitalization, spelling, grammar, and other serious matters of national security. But nobody asks me the questions that really warm my cocoa, like: Would it be more proper to say a potential sex poodle is “lustable,” “lustable-after,” or “lust-afterable”? In a letter of resignation, should a supervisor’s approach be described as “assbackwards,” “bassackwards,” or “backasswards”? Which of these spellings would look more impressive on a wedding invitation: “fuckedupness” or “fuckedupedness”? (A Google search shows more hits for the former, but I kinda like the sound of the latter). And which version of “absolutely” sounds the most suave and professorial? The choices are: “absofuckinglutely,” “absobloodylutely,” “absoblessedlutely,” “absobleedinglutely,” “absofreakinglutely,” “absofrigginlutely,” “absofrikkinlutely,” “absoflippinlutely,” “absofunkinlutely,” “ “absogoddamnlutely,” “absotootly,” and “absoschmuckinglutely.”
My favorite current nickname for a co-worker is “the poodle from hell.” My favorite old nickname for a classmate is “Steak-umm.”
A “Dirty Banana” is a yummy Caribbean drink, and a “banana wiggler” is a worm used as fishing bait. A “banana hammock” is a speedo or other scanty, skimpy, sketchy covering for a “tummy banana,” which is a tallywhacker. “Bashing the banana” and “buffing the banana” mean the same thing as “slammin’ the salmon” and “warming up the altar boy’s lunch.” Now you can’t say you didn’t learn anything about bananas today.
The best typo I’ve seen lately was “phoenix skills” for “phonics skills.” Unintentionally, the writer has his priorities in order. Phonics is the science of spoken sounds, but how much science do you need to yap? I don’t know a clone from a chromosome, and I can babble, bellow, and bitch just fine. On the other hand, listen to the Oxford English Dictionary’s definition of “phoenix”: “A mythical bird, of gorgeous plumage, fabled to be the only one of its kind, and to live five or six hundred years in the Arabian desert, after which it burnt itself to ashes on a funeral pile of aromatic twigs ignited by the sun and fanned by its own wings, but only to emerge from its ashes with renewed youth, to live through another cycle of years.” Not bad. I also remember that the Phoenix character from the X-Men could read minds and eat planets and stuff. Though I still wouldn’t have the qualifications for my dream job (teaching sign language to apes), I’d take phoenix skills over phonics skills any day, because a guy gets hungry. And planets are pretty.
According to Fifty Years Among the New Words, the term “anti-anti-communist” was coined in the 1950’s, meaning “one who opposes those who attack communism or communists.” Two negatives may not make a positive, but they do make a very cool word. I searched Google for “anti-anti-“ and found examples of “anti-anti-American,” “anti-anti-Pokemon,” “anti-anti-Saddamism,” “anti-anti-missile defense,” “anti-anti-Semitism,” “anti-anti-Britney,” “anti-anti-Christ,” “anti-anti-spyware,” and “anti-anti-evolutionism.” There were even a few examples with more “anti-”s, like “anti-anti-anti-math,” “anti-anti-anti-bioterrorism,” and “anti-anti-anti-anti-climaxes.” Since I’m hyphen-happy, I love all these words very much, but on a personal note, I must admit I am anti-anti-Lena Olin and anti-anti-anti-pea soup.
The words of the week:
10) Humanette
9) Disembowelingest
8) Salami-greased
7) Hootenanny
6) Horrendo-Mom
5) Churchill-humping
4) Yesireebob
3) Multi-hairball
2) Kitchy-kitchy-koo
1) Ectoplasmgasm
In the name of love, who isn’t a poo-eater sometimes? (In the metaphorical sense, at least). While any of us might run for cover because our schmoopsie-poo loves drugs, violence, or Everybody Loves Raymond, just as often we’ll open up wide, in a metaphorical-turd-gobbling frenzy. In the pages of Maledicta, I’ve found a few terrific versions of this idea, including these lovey-dovey declarations: “I would eat a yard of her shit just to get up to bite her ass,” “I would eat the peanuts out of her shit,” and “There’s many a man would eat a yard of her shit for a lick at her hole.” In Canadian Sayings, I found a similar one that shows both sweetness and curiosity: “I’d eat a mile of her shit just to see where it came from.” Bon appetite.
My favorite current nickname for a co-worker is “the poodle from hell.” My favorite old nickname for a classmate is “Steak-umm.”
A “Dirty Banana” is a yummy Caribbean drink, and a “banana wiggler” is a worm used as fishing bait. A “banana hammock” is a speedo or other scanty, skimpy, sketchy covering for a “tummy banana,” which is a tallywhacker. “Bashing the banana” and “buffing the banana” mean the same thing as “slammin’ the salmon” and “warming up the altar boy’s lunch.” Now you can’t say you didn’t learn anything about bananas today.
The best typo I’ve seen lately was “phoenix skills” for “phonics skills.” Unintentionally, the writer has his priorities in order. Phonics is the science of spoken sounds, but how much science do you need to yap? I don’t know a clone from a chromosome, and I can babble, bellow, and bitch just fine. On the other hand, listen to the Oxford English Dictionary’s definition of “phoenix”: “A mythical bird, of gorgeous plumage, fabled to be the only one of its kind, and to live five or six hundred years in the Arabian desert, after which it burnt itself to ashes on a funeral pile of aromatic twigs ignited by the sun and fanned by its own wings, but only to emerge from its ashes with renewed youth, to live through another cycle of years.” Not bad. I also remember that the Phoenix character from the X-Men could read minds and eat planets and stuff. Though I still wouldn’t have the qualifications for my dream job (teaching sign language to apes), I’d take phoenix skills over phonics skills any day, because a guy gets hungry. And planets are pretty.
According to Fifty Years Among the New Words, the term “anti-anti-communist” was coined in the 1950’s, meaning “one who opposes those who attack communism or communists.” Two negatives may not make a positive, but they do make a very cool word. I searched Google for “anti-anti-“ and found examples of “anti-anti-American,” “anti-anti-Pokemon,” “anti-anti-Saddamism,” “anti-anti-missile defense,” “anti-anti-Semitism,” “anti-anti-Britney,” “anti-anti-Christ,” “anti-anti-spyware,” and “anti-anti-evolutionism.” There were even a few examples with more “anti-”s, like “anti-anti-anti-math,” “anti-anti-anti-bioterrorism,” and “anti-anti-anti-anti-climaxes.” Since I’m hyphen-happy, I love all these words very much, but on a personal note, I must admit I am anti-anti-Lena Olin and anti-anti-anti-pea soup.
The words of the week:
10) Humanette
9) Disembowelingest
8) Salami-greased
7) Hootenanny
6) Horrendo-Mom
5) Churchill-humping
4) Yesireebob
3) Multi-hairball
2) Kitchy-kitchy-koo
1) Ectoplasmgasm
In the name of love, who isn’t a poo-eater sometimes? (In the metaphorical sense, at least). While any of us might run for cover because our schmoopsie-poo loves drugs, violence, or Everybody Loves Raymond, just as often we’ll open up wide, in a metaphorical-turd-gobbling frenzy. In the pages of Maledicta, I’ve found a few terrific versions of this idea, including these lovey-dovey declarations: “I would eat a yard of her shit just to get up to bite her ass,” “I would eat the peanuts out of her shit,” and “There’s many a man would eat a yard of her shit for a lick at her hole.” In Canadian Sayings, I found a similar one that shows both sweetness and curiosity: “I’d eat a mile of her shit just to see where it came from.” Bon appetite.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
exorcism tongs
noun. A little-known-yet-quite-effective device used in removing demons from their host bodies--can be handy alongside traditional anti-anti-Christ paraphernalia such as a vial of holy water, a cross, a Bible, and a big fucking hammer.
Real citation: "Run and get Daddy's exorcism tongs!"
(Ned Flanders, "Last Exit to Springfield," March 11, 1993, The Simpsons)
Made-up citation: "I've had three smoothie-makers fall apart like the pieces of shit they were, but my exorcism tongs have lasted me through four children, twenty-three neighbors, and a couple pets."
Real citation: "Run and get Daddy's exorcism tongs!"
(Ned Flanders, "Last Exit to Springfield," March 11, 1993, The Simpsons)
Made-up citation: "I've had three smoothie-makers fall apart like the pieces of shit they were, but my exorcism tongs have lasted me through four children, twenty-three neighbors, and a couple pets."
ABC Index
A
abominationish
abominationistic
abominationitude
abracaboobra
abraca-oops
absocraply
absodiddly
absoforking
absofracking
absofuckingawesome
absofuckingnotly
absoshitly
absosmurfing
abysmalitude
abysslessness
accentgasm
accessory-dog
ackfuck
add-hic-endum
adorable-itude
aggro-goofitude
ah-choo-la-la
AHEMdelusionsofgrandeurAHEM
*ahem*ty-nine
all-knowing-ish
all-over-each-other-ness
alternadoofus
ambulatory hamburger
American assload
Amish-sploitation
amputation-happy
anal-probish
aneurysmometer
ann-coulterin'
annoying-gushy-man-molestiness
anthro-weirdo
anthro-whatsit
anti-anti-anti-anti-American
anti-anti-anti-tit-for-tat
anti-anti-lap-dance
Anti-Christitude
anti-Fonzie
anti-Janet-Jackson’s-nipple
anti-jeebusness
anti-milf
anti-space-rock
ape-poopy
apoco-babe
ap-sock-alypse
Aquamanliness
aqua-Satanic
arachno-butt
arch-buttmunch
arch-dipshit
arch-dumbass
arch-nemesisness
arch-nutjob
arghh-ified
argh-inspiring
arghitude
arm-punchy
assassin-client privilege
assassinationologist
ass-chapper
Assclownistan
asscrackitude
asshatastic
asshat-capades
asshatdar
asshat whisperer
assheadface
ass-fatifying
assholiest
assitudinous
assitudinousness
asskissology
asslessness
assloadish
assmunchitude
assnutface
asspore
ass-pullage
ass-pullery
assquarters
ass-smoochery
asstardishness
asstardtastic
assticular region
Asstoberfest
asswadface
astrocaust
atomic space wedgie
atomic-wedgie-proof
atrocitylicious
attack-majiggy
at the whim of a hat
Australian schnauzer-doodle-whatever-poo
auto-assplay
awesome-stosterone
awshucksy-gosh-darn-it-to-heck
awwwwwww-itude
B
baby boomerbasherism
backlash-tastic
bacongasm
baconpire
baked in stupidity sauce
ba-donk-a-ma-donk
baddie-in-training
bad-motherfuckerish
badonkadonk-load
baldershit
ball-crushage
ballitude
ball-latherer
ball-lickery
ballsacectomy
balls-centric
ball-suckitude
ballsweatometer
banana-mimicking
banana-phobic
bandit-licious
bank robberette
baptism-ish
barbarianette
barbecutionist
Barbie-in-chief
barfitudinous
baseball bat moment
Batbuttplug
batcrapitude
batfuckery
bathtubular
Batman-Begins-ification
Batmanliness
bat-nanigans
batshit burger
batshitcrazymobile
batshit-demented
batshit-deranged
batshitism
Batshitistan
batshit loonball
batshit-mentum
batshitologist
batshitometer
batshittedness
batshittery
Bat-spatula
battle-tastic-tacular-gasm-worthy
Batvibrator
beaglehuahua
beallah
beardzilla
beat-them-to-death-with-a-brick-worthy
Beavis and Buttheadification
bedcapades
bedoofused
bed-pannish
bedwettology
beeftacular
BeelzeHillary
Beelze-something
Beelze-whatever
beer-bestanked
beer gut-ify
beer-tastrophe
befuckitude
befuddlitude
behipstered
behoboed
beholderess
behootered
bejackassed
beJuicyFruited
benevolent-ish
bepancaked
Bepenised-European-American
bepoodled
besatan
bescrotumed
berserker-rage-inducing
beskunked
besmirchee
besnorkled
beswirlied
beta-goon
betowelled regions
betrayal-y
bewadded
bewedgied
bewhacked
bewiggery
bexenu
beyoinked
bezeus
bible-believingly
big-dick-dar
Bill Clintony
bio-crotchfruit
bird-poo-encrusted
biscuitwad
bittersweetitude
bladder-splosion
blah blah-ologist
blah-illion
blamfrazzled
blasphemosity
blessedly-boobed
blowhardette
blow-uppiness
blow-shit-up-with-magic-ologist
bodaciously-bottomed
bodily-fluids-imbibing
bogartitude
boinkability
boinkery
boinkly
boinktacular
Bond villain-y
boneheadery
bonerade
boneration
bonerheaded
bonerologist
bonership society
boner subsidy
bone throwage
bonertopia
bongo horror
bongozoid
bonka-bonka
bonkerization
bonkers-ish
bonobosexual
boobage-coverage
boobamaphone
boobicular fortitude
boobiemonger
boobiloquent
boobistically
boobitation
boobological region
boobophobia
boob-tastic-osity
boobwad
boobworm
boogerbutthead
boogerfy
boom-boom-boom-ish
bootleg exorcism
booty-call-ish
booze-beckoning
booze-woozed
borefest-a-rama
botsploitation
bouncerette
bouncy-headbangy
bowel-crushingly
Boy Scout-edness
bozoification
brain bleach moment
braindeadification
braindeaditude
brainfrak
brain-gurble
brain-hurtitude
brainsuckee
brainsucky
brainwashatron
Brangelinagasm
brass-ballsitude
breakfastude
breasticular fortitude
breastitudinous
Brichon Fra-something-doodle
bro-itude
brown-boxers moment
brown one’s Cheese Doodles
BSKFF
buffoonette
bugshitted
bullshit in a can
bum-awful
bum-flappiest
bungholicious
bungmanity
bunnycapades
bunnyhuahua
bunny-rabbit-sucker-upper
bunny-worshipper
burn one's waffles
Bush’s-colon-scented
buttanza
butt boring
buttbortion
butt-cleavage-revealing
buttcrackology
buttfacebutt
buttface-edness
buttfacehead
buttheadette
butthead-in-law
buttholery
buttholicious
butthole-iest
buttholistic
buttilion
buttily challenged
buttlickee
buttmentum
buttmunchette
buttmuncheroo
buttmunchily
buttmunchitude
buttmunchology
buttmunchosaur
buttmunch-wad
buttockage
buttockitude
buttockologist
buttocks-hat
buttpire
butt-pluggy
butt-sniffee
buzz shackle
BYOC
by Odin's balls
by Zeus' balls
C
caketagious
calzonegasm
camel toe-dar
cameltoeriffic
cannibalette
cannonfodderness
canoe on Lake Lunacy
can't-keep-it-in-my-pants-itis
Captain Cuckoopants
Cardboard Box-istan
ca-something-or-other
catastro-bleep
catastrofrak
catastrofreak
catastrometer
catastrophic boob tape failure
catastrophic crotch failure
catastrophic penis failure
catastrophic underwear failure
cat-bepooped
catfightiness
Catholic dog exorcist whisperer guy
cat-nookiepalooza
cavemanitude
celebubot
celebucaust
celebu-crotch
celebudrunk
celebudude
celebufreak
celebugod
celebu-mutant
celebu-rat
celebu-seed
celebu-shambles
celebusperm
celebu-swine
celebu-vomit
celebuwhatever
cesspool-flavored
champagne-and-adultery-soaked
character-insighty
cheeseburgerette
chemo-psycho-nano-tech
chest-thrusty
Chicago-istan
chicken-gasm
chickenshititude
Chicken Snatchatori
chickensploitation
chickenshitology
chickenwad
Chidorkiedoodlepookin
chimpcapades
chimphuahua
chipmunk-shaggery
chocopire
choco-romantic
choco-terrorist
Christ on a whole wheat cracker
Christwad
chug-chug-chuggery
churchgasm
Churchill-humping
clone-worthy
clusterboink
clusterbop
clusterbunch
clustercoitus
clusterdouche
clusterfornicate
clusterfrog
cluster-fuckitude
cluster molestation
cluster-naughty word
cluster-nookie
clusterplook
clusterpork
clustersmurf
clustersomething
clusterspork
clusterwad
co-badass
cockamaroach
cockapoopoopoo
cocka-shih-poo
cockaspanadoodlehua
cockawhatever
cock-crinkler
coconut-clonker
coconut-testicled
co-doofus
co-exorcist
co-fornicator
cohortitude
coitalicious
collective clitoris
collagen-licious
collapse-alypse
collision-y
colonoscosode
colon rage
combover-ee
come-dump-o-rama
comedy-y
come-hither-y
concubine-tastic
confessy-time
conflict-avoidy
confuzzle-osity
congressasshat
congressbutt
congress-cockroach
congressjackass
congressrodent
congresswad
conjugalicious
conjugalistically
conjugal-visit-interruptus
conspiracy-y
constructo-pocalypse
coronerette
corporeal-ator
corruption-berg
cosmic-donut supporter
Costanzaness
couch-makeouting
Count Crackula
counter-hubbub
cousincesty
cowbell-osity
cow-crapper-upper
co-whacko
crackadocious
crack-challenged
crack-denish
crack on one’s cornflakes
cracko-whacko
crack-pipe-worthy
crackpipey
crackpotitude
crackwhorishness
crack-whoritude
cradle robberette
crapamajig
crap-assedness
crapaversary
crapcation
crap-diddly-crap-crap
crap-diddly-tastic
crap-diddly-yappy
crapfestacular
crapfest-free
crapfestitude
Crapinator-in-Chief
crapitudinous
crapitudinousness
crap-mentum
crapocaust
crapolapalooza
crapologism
craposcopic
craposterous
crapped-up-ness
crapportunity
crapstache
crapstitute
craptacular-ish
craptasticish
craptrocity
crapulent-tastic
crapwaffle
crawl-under-a-rock-y
crazed-assedness
creepitudinous
creepo-weepo
creepydar
creepy-outy
creepy-uncle-y
crestfallenish
cringy-cringy
crony-licious
cronytastic
cross the squick line
crotchdar
crotchfruitian
crotchfruitish
crotchfruity
crotchgasm
crotchilicious
crotchish area
crotchmunch
crotchsploitation
crotchwad
CTWF (catastrophic tortilla wall failure)
Cubpocalypse
cuddly-aggressive
culpritess
cupcake-capades
cuteaggedon
cutesy-fest
cutesy-pooitude
cyber-pseudo-robo-booobies
cy-kid
Cyloncaust
Cylonicide
Cylonitudinous
Cylontologist
D
dad-blower-upper
dadsmurfed
dark-avenger-y
Darth Dubyous
Deady McDeadsty
dealbreakerness
deassify
death-bed-ish
death falafel
deathwishiness
deathy-like
deballification
deballified
debarfify
debaucheristical
de-bonerification
de-boring-ified
debraify
debrainsuck
debutchify
de-Californify
deca-thousandaire
de-chimpify
dechristify
de-clutter-ification
de-douchebagify
dedumbassify
de-dweebification
de-edumacation
defuckified
degoopified
de-ignorant-ized
dejesusify
Dejavu-istan
de-kid-ifying
demise-ish-ness
democracy-y
demon-possessive
dentistette
dentisticide
denunification
denutify
de-Oprah-fy
depenisify
depooified
de-pooifying
depoopinator
depressionosity
depuff-ify
de-Rosie'fy
de-schmoopify
de-smellify
despicalicious
despotette-in-training
despotette-wannabe
desquickify
de-stankifier
de-stiffify
de’throom
dewankification
de-wreckification
diabolicalitude
diamond-tipped-nippled
diaper-faced
diaperiffic
diaper-tastrophe
dickheadbutt
dickheadification
dickholehead
dicksmackitude
dick-wadditude
dickwadette
dickweedhood
dictatorshippy
diddlefest
diddly-bleeping-squat
diddly bupkis
diddly-doodly-fucking-squat
diddly-fucking-squat
diddlywad
differentyness
dignity-ish-type
dildometry
dildonicness
diligent-ish-y
dillholery
dimwittitude
dingleberry-gate
dingleberryology
Dirty Smurfchez
disappear-up-your-own-assery
disastro-catastro-pheeeeeeee
discomfitometer
discomrobertulated
disembowelingest
dismemberly
distraughtitude
divorcey-weds
DMV-stapo
doctorcest
doctoristic
Dr. Pepper-ocracy
dog-ass-flavored
dogdar
dogenfreude
dog-excrement-intensive
dog-mentum
domestic-terrorist-turned-housewife
dominatrix-sex-kitten-y
done-to-deathitude
doodoo-ology
doofusbot
doofusbreath
doofusette
doofushood
Doofus-in-Chief
doofusistic
doofuslet
doofusmonger
doofusmunch
doofuswad
doomamajig
doomidity
doomistical
doomsday-y
doomsteress
doorbell-palooza
doped to the nines
dorkamatron
dorkheadedness
dorkfuck
dorks-gone-chic
dorkwadhead
double-boob-edly
double dillwadish
double-meh
double-shitbirds
douche-anova
douchebagapalooza
douchebagectomy
douchebagface
douchebaghead
douchebagomatic
douchebagtastic
douchebagwad
douchebutt
douchecapades
douche-er-iffic
doucheteria
douche-toolish
douchetronic
douchenozzlitude
douche-wibbler
douchitudinousness
dowhateverer
Dracula-ish/esque
dramaqueentastic
drunktardish
Duckfuckistan
duck-pampering
duh-lightful
duh-sasterous
dumbassectomy
dumbasshead
dumbfuckosaurus
dumbfucktastic
dumbiotic
dumbitudinous
dumbshitette
dumpsterette
dumpster-recognition module
dunderdoof
dunderheaditude
dunderwad
dungeon-doom-apocalypseness
dung-heapish
durificatrix
dweebularity
dyingish
E
ear-flap-based
ear-hair-farming
earthtard
East Buttfuckistan
eco-dildo
eco-fetishology
eco-ninja-warrior-kinda-chick
economic boner
ecto-kitty
ectoplasm-flavored
ectoplasmgasm
ectoplasminess
ectoplasmological
ectoplasm-monger
edgier-than-thouness
eeekies, the
egg-splosive
ego-handjob
185whatever
electro-depantsifier
electro-skankstress
electro-torture-ologist
Elmer Fuddistic
emasculicious
embalmitude
embezzlementy
emo-admiral
Empire Strikes Back-itis
endlessish
enema-ee
English muffin-fu
enormo-robo-drums
en-sad-ifying
enthrallitude
enthusiasmgasm
entomologist-turned-bedroomologist
envirodouche
enviro-hobbit-hole
eroto-depresso
erudite-itude
espionagelicious
essay-pionage
euphem-ee
euphemtastic
everydoofus
everything-ruiner
evil-gasmic
evil-scientist fetish
ew-able
execufucktard
ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-gay
ex-Felatee-in-Chief
exit-row-ness
exorcism czar
exorcism tongs
exorcistesque
exorcist-in-chief
exorcistolicious
exorcist-turned-dairy-farmer
exploitation-tastic-ish
expositionator-y
expositiolicious
ex-step-ferret
extraordinary equestrian
F
factish-like
fake-banana-stealing
fake-boob-dar
false prophety
family-values-licking
fanbloodytasticlicious
fanboyette
fan-diddly-damn-tastic
fan-diddly-fucking-tastic
fan-coitus-tastic
fansmurfingtastic
fantardistically
farmboyesque
fartageddon
fart knockee
fart-knockery
Fatal Attraction-ization
fat-crappy-tastic
fatigue-o-splosion
federal-agenty
feeder-fetish-tastic
fellatonic
fembotical
fembot-in-training
fembot-ish
fembotitude
fembotization
fembot-less
fembot-tastic
fembotty
ferretsploitation
fetal positiony
fetishishness
fetusesque
filthy-dirty-compelling
fine-diddly-fucking-whatever
Fiona Apple-of-the-month club
fish-ish-y
fist-of-death-itude
fistpumpery
fist-pumpy
flip-flopology
flower-child-y
flubberducking
fluffitudinous
flying-eyeball-swallowing
footbathage
footsploitation
foozamabob
for Christ’s sweet biscuits
forbidden-love-y
foreheadologist
fork-in-the-backer
former-husband-brain-eating fork
fornicationful
Fortress of Moistitude
Fortress of Placentatude
fracktarded
frakzillion
Frankenasshat
frankenbanana
Frankenbutthead
Frankendoofus
frappawhatsit
freakamazoid
freakazoid-less
freakitudinous
freaky-loo-wackadoo
Fred-on
Fredo-riffic
freedominess
free-range cretins
French-fry-pocalypse
French-ish-sounding
frigillion
frizzle-frizzledness
frost one’s cheese
fuckadocious
fuckbabble
fuckboozled
fuckbuckethead
fuck-capades
fuck-diddly-ola
fuck-diddly-umptious
fucked-in-the-headitude
fuckedupedly
fuckedupedness
fuckenizing
fuckhandle
fuckheadess
fuckheadicide
fuckheaditude
fucking like banshees
fuckingtacular
fuckity-fuckbag
funkitudinous
fucknutted-uppitude
fucknuthood
fucknutter
fuckpork
fuckstainery
fucktardistic
fuckwadface
fuckwitesque
fuckwitface
fuckwit-in-law
fugly-pepto-pink
fuh-reaky-deaky
full-frontal-ness
fun-diddly-freaking-un
fundie-Jeebus-y
funnydar
FWBs (followers with benefits)
F-wordtastic
G
gah-tastic
gah-worthy
gastro-something-something-ologist
gazillionish
geek-history-gasm
geekstress
geezer-azzi
geezette
geezeritude
genocidal much-better-now-thankiacs
get all Catholic
get Neanderthal on your ass
get one’s bibles in a knot
get one's chastity belt in a swivel
get one’s monkeys in a bunch
get one's who-gives-a-shit on
Gilliganistic
ginormously fugged out crevice cleavage syndrome
girl-lizard
girly-bits-related
glacier-appropriate
glam-trashtastic
globo-downfallization
gloriousnessosity
glycoli-schmancy-hydroxo-crapological
go bazonkers
Godcomplexzilla
goddening
godlike-ish
God-mentum
God on a blue surfboard
go full douche
going-through-the-motions-ish
goitertastic
golden celebutwit triumvirate
golden showeree
go mentalish
gonadage
gonerette
gone-to-the-darksidey
good-giddy-awd
good holy Jesus in a jumpsuit
goofulating
goo-goo-ga-gun
goo-inspired
goopification
go psycho-batshit-bonkers
go psycho bugnuts
got-a-bad-feeling-about-this-ing
goth-seductressy
go to hell in a D Cup
Gov. Blagowhatsit
grabassitude
grain alcohol goggles
grain-alcohol-y
grandmatacular
grandmother-induced
grandspawn
gravy-y
Greater Scumbagistan
great-grand-crotchfruit
great-grandcritter
great-grandspawn
great-great-grandbot
Greco-creepo
green-glowing-nano-slime-ammo-pack
groinalicious
groinapalooza
groin-boggling
groinfruit-destroyers
groinhead
groinly
groin pullage
group-grope-y
grovelicious
grudgegasm
gutter-friendly
gutterhumper
gyrationish
H
hackcough*yeahright*cough
hacktastic
haddock-smacked
Hades-on-the-Hudson
haiku-stipation
hair-ma-geddon
hairocaust
hair tossy
half-boobedly
half-hee
half-manbimbo
half-wombat-brained
ham-a-geddon
hamburger-splosion
ham-rizon
hamster-kissing
hamsterslaughter
ham-thusiast
handjob-ologist
happy man-loaf
harlot laureate
harumphery
head-up-his-buttitude
head-up-your-assish
heart-attack-tastic
heart-blower-upper
heathenitude
heathentastic
hellbeastish
hellhound-free
hellhound whisperer
hematomeriffic
henchape
henchblob
henchboobs
henchbreasts
hench-bunny-men
henchchicken
hench-chimp
hench-cleavage
hench-commissioner
hench-Cylon
henchdoofus
henchdork
henchgoat
henchgoon
henchho
hench-lady-men-partners
henchman-ish
henchmanliness
henchmoron
henchnoncorporeal being
hench-poodle
hench-rodent
henchscum
hench-zombie
he-slut
Hey-look-over-there-istan
hhhnnnnnnngggggg
higgledy-piggledyology
Hillary-licious
hinkstivity
hissy-spat
Hitchcock-orama-ness
hit the smutpot
hobbitcest
hobo-stronaut
ho-centric
ho-diddly-fucking-hum
hohohoish
holy buttered crap on a stick
holy crispy crap on a cracker
holy deep-dish fuck
holy flippin’ flyin’ cows
holy-matrimonialish
holy mother of monkey
holy mothersmurfing smurf
holy smurfballs
holy-sweet-mother-of-God-fine
home-bonership
homicidal maniac-y
honeymoonitude
hoo-hoo-ectomy
hoopy-doopy
hootchie-wad
Hooteropolis
horndoggery
horndogess
horrendo-mom
horriditude
horse’s asshood
horsy-hung
hosebeastess
hosebeasty
hosepot
ho sense
hot dog with teeth
hot-monkey-sex-type
hubba-hubba-ish
human-beingy
human-esque-ish-like
human-excrement-sprayingest
humanitariany
humanity-ish-ian
humanlicious
humility-meister
humpism
humpologist
hung like a Norse
hypotetheticonfessional
I
ice-becrotched
ice the suck cake
icky-sticky-sicky-poo
I-don’t-give-a-fuckitude
ignoramusette
ilk-hood
I'mboredsowhere'sthepornistan
impending-doomy-sounding
implode-or-explode-ish
I'mPerfectSoICanDoAnythingIWantNoMatterHow DespicableBecauseGodLovesMeYay!-ism
impregnitude
incestiness
incest-tastic-ness
incredu-normous
Index Cardus Notetaking-asaurus
indictment-speculation-a-thon
infatuationish
infidel-ightful
info-ness-ish-esque-whatever
ingratess
inhumanesque
insta-exorcism
insta-pond
insta-poopy-in-yur-panties
insta-redemption
intestinal gonaditude
in the barn
Iranian-onaut
Irish-ishy
iron-rod-up-one's-assedness
itchy-batshitty
I-told-you-so-esque
J
jackassage
jackasshead
jackassfuck
jackassitude
jackassometer
jackasswad
jack-diddly-fucking-shit-squat
jack-diddly-iddly-shit
jagmuppet
jailbaitdar
Jailbaitistan
James Spader-y
Jeebus H. Cripes on a pogo stick
Jeebusish
Jeebusology
Jeebustastic
Jeezass-loving
jerkassiest
jerkasswad
jerkatoid
jerkbuttface
jerkfacewad
jerkholeface
Jesuscest
Jesus shit howdy
Jesusy-ness
jitterwank
jizz-coaxer
jizzicillin
jizz-ism
John McGetOffMyLawn
John McOneFootInTheGrave
Johnny Potatochipseed
John Q. Fuckface
K
kaboomapow
kaboomboomboomboom
kaboomitude
kaboomlessness
kaboomology
kaboomsville
kah-splodey
kajillasecond
kegelicious
kerplodey
kickassitudinousness
Kidmanoxed
kidnapperess
kidney-selling-tastic
kiss on the pants
knee-in-groinage
kneejerkery
knockupedness
kvetchitude
L
lady balls
ladyparts-first
lame-assedness
laptoplessness
laughanista
laugh-in-your-facey
lav-love
learning juice
leather-pants-fashion-do category
leertastic
leg burqa
leg-humpage
leperesque
leper-ish
leprechaun-licking
leprobot
lepro-licious
lesbiatic
lesby-go-round
lickable fragrance product
lick hippo-hole
light-as-a-feather-itude
limp chimp
lipstickicity
little-finger-ageddon
lobotolicious
lobotomy-ish
lobster-liberator
loinage
loinliness
long-neck-asaurus
loofah-enhanced
loofah-gasmic
loonbase
loonbatty
looner-laden
losercapades
losered-out
love hexadecagon
Lower Buttmunchistan
low-self-esteemish
LVPCILF
M
mad scientistette
maim-fest
make a no-no
malcontenty
malfunctionish
malt-liquor-y
manblogitude
man-chete
mancrushish
man-flab
man-fume
manhoodedness
manhoodish
manhoodiness
man-on-me
man-reactiony
man-slutitude
man-strumpet
mantourage
marionette-on-marionette action
martyrometer
Marysploitation
massage-gasm
Massengill bag
massengillosity
Massengill-y
mass-hormonify
masterplanesque
masturventurer
mattressable
Mc-Muffin-gasmic
meat-hunk
meat-induced-coma-ness
meat leash
meatorexic
meat-splosive
mechanopuppy
megabarfage
megabuttmunch
mega-destructo
mega-doofy
megadumpage
mega-fuckered
mega-legal-robo-proctologist
mega-mega-uber-pissed
mega-mildew
megamungus
megapoopage
megastitious
megatardery
meh-itude
meh on a stick
menstool cycle
menstru-iffic
messiahess-in-training
messiahlicious
messiah-tastic
meth goggles
metric (bad word)-load
metric booty-load
metric crudload
metric diaperload
metric dorkload
metric dumpload
metric-expletive-ton
metric jesus-load
metric monkeyload
metric poo-poo-load
metric poo-ton
metric smurfload
metric turdload
microscopic American
microtallywhacker
mid-atmosphere-falling-jump-thingy
middle minion management
mid-nookie
midpiddle
MILFify
milfologist
milifuck
military-y
mindbendee
mind-blower-upper
mindboink
mind-firetruck
mind-forever-frakked-uppedness
mindfornicate
mindfuckologist
mindfuckometer
mindfucktastic
mini-clustereff
minionator
mini-Rasta-y
miscreantitude
Minneapolis-stan
missing-the-pointitude
Mr. Horse Fuckeee
Mr. Joe Penisbrain
Mr. Sucky Poo Poo Pants
Mr. Suddenly-Non-Turd
Mr. Sweaty Scream-o
mmmf face
mmmmmmmmminess
mochafication
moistenator
molestolicious
mom-burban
mommatruckin'
momsploitation
mom-stitute
Monday-y
monkey balls nuts
monkey-permissive
monster-freaking-pocalypse
moosementum
mooseploitation
moral turditude
moral whatever-tude
moronatron
moron dust
moronitudinous
moronobot
moronwad
motherblesser
motherbopper
mothercheneyer
motherexpletiver
motherfuckeress
motherfuckerload
motherfuckerology
motherfuckingfucker
motherfuckwad
motherless fuck
Mother Mary on a slice of toast
motherplooker
motherprober
mothersmegger
Mother Theresa on a motorbike
Mother Theresa-y
mother-you-know-what-er
mucho-crapitudinous
muffin-napper
muffin-top-icity
muffinward
multi-crapola
mumbledy-moomba
mutineeress
mutineeringishly
mwah-fucking-ha
mysterious-osity
mythology-y
N
nad-ectomy
naked-sexual-whatever
Nancy Poopenheifer
nano-billiards
nano-bionic-whateverization
nanoblahblah
nano-cylo-std
nano-destructo-gun
nano-destructo-mat
nano-diddly-squat
nanodoodle
nano-douche-bot
nanofilet
nanomajig
nano-nads
nano-peepee
nanopoop
nanoschlong
nano-sleaze
nanosomethingorother
nano-souled
nanotesticles
nano-wand of love
nano-wrath
nanny-boinking
nannylicious
natural-ish-y
nature’s cockblock
nausea-tastic
neanderbot
neanderchick
neandergoat
neanderstuff
neanderthaless
neanderthal magnet
neanderwhatsit
near-drowning-by-swirlie
neckamajigger
necro-boink
necro-whatsit
neglectitude
nekkiditity
neo-eco-socio-wacko
neo-nympho-super-race
nether-testines
nether-thingy
neurodoublefucked
neuro-psycho-whacko
neuro-puffs
neurospatula
newscasterette
newsdude
nincompoopitude
ninja-in-chief
Nintendo-ish-esque-kinda-sorta
nipple-obsessed simian
nipplitudinous
Nobel Science Lunatic Prize
non-abominationable
non-assbag
non-assmunch
non-autoerotic-asphyxiating
non-banjo-istic
non-basics-neglecting
non-ball-licking
non-batshit-bombthrowing-crazy
non-batshitified
non-batshit-loco
non-batshitly
non-beboobed
non-bepenised
non-betesticled
non-bigfoot sighting-esque
non-boner-giving
non-boobness
non-boom-boom-boom
non-brain-hurty
non-bugnuttery
non-bunghole
non-choo-choo
non-crapful
non-crapsack
non-crapularity
non-crotchal
non-daddy-issues-having
non-deadish
non-democraciness
non-Depends demographic
non-diddly-squat-doing
non-doomedness
non-doomtastic
non-douchitude
non-dreckful
nondumbassery
non-dweebiness
non-emergency-room-physician-type
non-evil-ish
non-evilosity
non-fembot
non-flirty-ness
non-fondle-y
non-fuckbot
nonfuckedupedness
non-fuckwad
nonfuckwadish
non-fugly-blubber-wad
non-fun-haver god
non-gigantamundo
non-graveyardy
non-groin regions
non-honkified
non-horndoggy-interactivity
non-hooker-hirer
non-human-esque
non-humany-spirity-thingy
non-inverse-pessimism
non-jackassitude
not-jiggly-anywhere
non-lame-oid
non-meepitude
non-men-type-people
non-monkey-poo
non-monkey-poo-flinging
non-mustache-having
non-near-psychopath
non-nonchalant-ness
non-nookie-related
non-nunny
non-oodles
non-orgasmitude
non-penis-centric
non-penis-possessor
non-playthingish
non-prick-like-ness
non-robo-gynoid-cybersexual
non-robo-head
non-schmuckish
non-sharey
non-shitbird
non-sleazebucket
non-sleazoid
non-snot-eater
non-snotwad
non-splodey
non-spyful
non-squee-inducing
non-stick-like hottyness
non-sticky-outy
non-suckitudinous
non-suckwadish
non-surgical-glove-clad
non-thongish
non-torture policy
non-turdly
non-turd-oriented
non-Vaderish
non-whoa
noogie-monger
nookie-ish
nookie-licious
nookie-mashing
no-pantsless-bacon-preparation
normal-persony
North Methistan
nose-humping
nose-smushage
no-sleep-alyptic
Nostradamus-esque-ish
Nostradamus schmostradamus
not-a-cancerness
not blowing one's panties off
not-caring-what-other-people-will-thinkitude
not-dead-ness
not playing with a full sack
not-quite-so-eviltude
not-so-barbarianish
not-so-hee
nuke-o-puffs
numbskulless
nun-in-chief
nunliness
nun-napping
nutball-in-chief
nutballitude
nutbarhood
nutbaritude
nutburgery
nutcase-dazzling
nutsopath
nyah-nyah-diddly-dang-duddly-doo
NyQuil goggles
O
oblivilicious
obvious-tacular-ish
octo-centric
octo-grandpa
Odinosity
Odin-tastic
Odin-y
oh-so-fucktastically-subtle
OMGWTFBBQPOLARBEAR
omnidouche
omnifucking
omni-whateverism
on-crack-itude
ooby-doobied
oomphitude
Operation Fucking Disaster
Oprah-garchy
Oprahological
Oprahvescent
opto-mole-ology-ist
oracle-burger
orangu-dookie
organ-harvesty
organic breeding vat
orgasmitude
orgasmological
ortho-yada-yada-ology
Outer Bungholistan
ovary-style
overlordage
over-the-top-ery
overwroughtitude
ow-fricking-fracking-ch
P
paid protruder
pain-in-the-assitude
paleo-critter
paleo-douche
paleo-jackass
paleo-lady
paleo-whatsit
paleo-whatsit-doohickey-phallic-device
palookette
pandarazzi
pants-on aesthetic appreciation
panty-hose-zilla
paralleloriffic
parental eunuch
pariahess
patoodler
patron anorexic cokehead twin
Paula Abdul-usional
pearbutt
pecker-waggy
peckerwoodedness
peefulness
peekabooblicious
peelessly
pee-piphany
peesome threesome
pee-tastrophe
peeverazzi
pencil-dickedness
penguin-abusing
penguin-mongering
penguin-on-penguin action
penisary
performance artist-y
perma-poop
perp-waddle
personal-boundary-invading
pervertitude
pestilence-ish
pet-monkey-ize
Phelpsianistic
philosophical-rifficy
phlegmliness
phlegmapalooza
phlegmocracy
phlegmometer
pickle-sacked
pig-bladdery
pig-butt-nasty
pigeon-bepooped
pigfornicator
pig in a lace hat
pigwad
pillow-fighting-esque
pimp-o-riffic
pinata-flogging
pineapple-ologist
ping pong shui
Pinko-Atheist-in-Chief
pins-and-needles-y
pissing-offage
pissy hissy snit-fit
pithicism
pizzazz-a-majiggy
pizzlehead
placentalicious
plookload
plumber’s-crack-defying
plumber-sploitation
poignantistic
police-erazzi
politico-whacko
politi-dude
polterdog
polterdork
polter-rat
polterthing
pontifferiffic
pontiff-licking
pontificatedness
pooageddon
poochy-lipped
poo-diddly-oop
poodlecapades
poodlescent
poodlehuahua
poodle-in-law
poodle-worthy
poofacehead
poo-free zone
pooitude
pookie-wookie-woo
poo-nibbling
poopberg
poop-chute-friendly
poopertraitor
poopfacebutt
poop-hoser
poopie woopie doopie loopie
poopitudinous
poopoo brain head guy
poopoobuckethead
poopooburger
poopoobutthead
poopooheadbutt
poopoopoocock
poopoowad
poopsome
poopy-ploppy-poo
poopy-ridden
poopytard
poor-human-being-itude
poosaster
popcorn-action-flick-y
pope-o-licious
popular as wet socks
porkfully
porno-determinism
port-o-potty-pocalypse
postalish-bionic
post-apocalypticish
post-beard-scuba-vibe
post-beefgasm
post-brain-suckage syndrome
post-cheesesteak-gasm
post-dinner-sinner
post-Janet-Jackson’s-breast
post-lunchitude
post-traumatic mustache disorder
post-nipslip
post-traumatic butt-viewing stress disorder
post-traumatic cheesesteak syndrome
post-traumatic dating syndrome
post-traumatic olfactory disorder
post-traumatic red wine disorder
post-traumatic sexy caged-heat syndrome
post-traumatic stress syndromey
post-traumatic swirly disorder
post-traumatic Tony Danza Show disorder
post-zombie-lyptic
prayergasm
pre-batshit-insane
pre-Cylonpocalypse
predecessoress
pre-diddly-ictable
pre-doofus-lobbying
pre-douchebaggery
pre-douchebagology
pre-emptive porking
prefrontal Spitzer lobe
pre-fucked-over
prefuckedupness
pregcellent
pregnantification
pre-Jesusistic
pre-killer-robot
pre-misinterpreted
preposterlicious
pre-preggish
pre-schmoopification
pre-shtup
President I’m So Buff
pre-unholy-trinity
pre-yore
priaptastic
princessitude
princess of darkness-y
Princess of Porkitude
Princess Snotbucket
prison inmate whisperer
pro-binky-nuk-sucky-lovey-ya-ya
pro-crotchfruit
proctologistess
proctologistette
product-placement-y
Professor Fuckfacehead
prolifera
pro-moronicide
prophecy-y
prosti-kitty
prosti-pouting
prosti-teacher
prostiturkey
proto-mook
proud-to-be-brainwashed
pseudo-boinkage
pseudo-bozo-techno-lingo
pseudo-bumpkin
pseudo-codgery
pseudo-creepo
pseudo-facty
pseudo-fornication
pseudo-non-crummy
pseudo-non-girlfriend
pseudo-robo-sperm
pseudo-spatula
pseudo-speedo
psychocyberstalkerperv
psychomajiggy
psychonutball
psycho-robo-rambo
psychostache
psychotic-murderess-free
ptero-dino-whatsit
public-restroomy
pucker-buttedness
puddingheadedness
puh-puh-puh-puh-leeze
puh-sleaze
pulchritudinosity-ish-ness
puppy-y
put-out-upon-ness
putridosity
Q
quadriboobage
quadri-butt
quadruple gak
quad-whatever the hell it is-angle of doom
quantumblahblah
quasi-buffitude
quasi-crackpotitude
quasi-doltish
quasi-fetishy
quasi-incesterrific
quasi-sorta-medieval-ish
quesadilla-palooza
R
rapture-o-matic
rat-bastardliness
rat bleeper
rat-eating episode
ratfork
ratfuckee
ratfuckery
Rat gods, the
rathuahua
reach-around-y
re-bionicized
rebuffooned
recently-released-from-the-crypt
redemption-scented
redeemage
re-defrock
re-diddly-damn-diculous
reekage
referendumologist
re-kill-ify
re-lackey-ize
relationshipistic
relationshipular
releperization
repercussiony
repornified
reproductive artifact
re-re-re-unretire
re-spawnification
restraining-order-ish
restraino-complaino
resuckified
reverse-psycho-babble-ology-ish
reverse seduce-ology
rich-himbo-wannabe
ride the Sane Train
righteousish
Robert Downey Jr.-gasm
robo-aardvark-man
robobabysitter
robo-boobage
robobrarian
robocest
robo-dementia
robo-dirigibles
robo-drool
robo-fornication
robo-gams
robo-libido
robo-macaque
robo-maternal
robo-mommy
robo-murderer
robo-paddle
robopube
robo-scumbag
robo-seductress
robo-sideboob
robo-stroke
robo-testicle
robo-whatsit
roll up one’s campsite
roommate-cest
rubble-izer
S
Saddam-lite-style
sado-optimist
sad-to-manic-sackery
samurailicious
Sanchezee
sandwichitude
sandy butt crack syndrome
santorum-slurping
santorum-smudged
santorum-swilling
sarcasmagoric
sarcasmgasm
sardonica bone
sasquatchtastic
satanic-ish
Sataniness
Satan-in-law
Satanitude
satanosity
sausagefestish
sausage-tight
scapepoodle
scentofawomantaur
Schiavotastic
schlamydia
schmastrophysics
schmanotechnology
schmerebellum
schmigmata
schmobotomy
schmoopiecakes
schmoopieface
schmoopiepants
schmoopology
schmoopsie-poo
schmouch
schmubby-wubby-poo
schmuckadoodledoo
schoolmarmitude
Schtup-a-lobbyistgate
screaming leftist unbiblical liberal
scrotastical
scrotological
scrotumette
scoundrel-osity
scumbagliness
scumbucketface
scum-bucket-head
scumologist
sea donkerella
sea-dweeb
self-besmittenness
self-confoozled
self-depantsifier
self-destructive-y
self-fraking-explanatory
self-hatey
self-wettage
semi-asshat-free
semi-crapola-free
semi-dipshit
semi-hemi-demi-quarterly
semi-moronish
semi-non-normous
semi-nutballish
semi-ok-crappy-esque
semi-pervish
semi-quasi-half-baked
semi-smidgen
semi-spoiledish
semi-suckless
semi-wet-dreaminess
senior exorcist
seniorcitizenfriend
sentientish
serial-haremology
serial intercourser
serial killer-dar
seventeenth banana
sexbombish
sex goddessless
sex-god-type-person
sex-grenade
sexpotbot
sexual genius-dar
Shaqenfreude
shaving-cream penis enema
she-doofus
shish-ka-Mom
shitfacecrap
shitheadess
shitheadface
shitheelette
shit-nuts-itude
shitpantsy
shit-splosive
shit-tastic-ness
shoe-enfreude
shoozbloggery
Short-Shorts Von Buttcheeken
shrivelage
siblingcest
sick-puppy-esque-ness
simperiffic
simul-fuck
singing-frog-itis
site despunkifier
skankamaphone
skankitudinous
skankspionage
skankstache
skanktard
skankularity
skeezeballitude
sketchbally
skinhose
skidmarkalgia
slackassage
slaghimoffgraphy
sleazeballette
sleazetard
sleep like a crack baby
slightly-pseudo-semi-Jennifer-Connelly-like-inspired-ish-esque
slimeballitude
slobberee
slurpitude
smasho-crasho
smegmatacular
smegmatude
smooth move, Shrub-lax
smurfitudinous
smurf stub
smurftarded
smurfwad
smushification
snake-happy
snausage feet syndrome
sneak-assity
snip-snippy
snitfittery
snore-gasmic
snowball's-chance-in-hell-o-meter
snowpoca-geddon
Snuggie derangement syndrome
Snuggie-ological
snug-non-wedgie-giving-full-coverage
snuzzlewumpkins
soap opera villain-y
social-issuey
sociopath-ish
socio-psycho-whatsit
sod-mothering
someone-crapped-in-my-cereal face
someone-is-staring-at-my-ass-dar
something-thy
song-stuck-in-the-headitude
sororitastic
soul-hurty
soulmate-itude
soul-suckee
soul-suckitude
space-porn-themed
spandexical
spandexitude
spasmgasm
spatulagasm
spatula-istic
spatularity
spatula-worthy
spearitation
special agent-tastic
special-forces-y
spec-tastic-tacular-gasm-worthy
speedotastic
spermliness
spermomatic
spermthrower
sperm-wiggle
spiffy-ish-licious
splooshy-splooshy-sploosh
splurgage
spokesdumbass
spokes-fembot
spokesfuckhead
spokesfucktard
spokeshenchman
spokeslunatic
spokesnomad
spokesnutjob
spokesrat
spokescum
spokes-werewolf
spoogebot
spoogeaholic screwpuppet
squaloriffic
squatch-thusiast
squickliness
squicknaciousness
squickometer
squickosity
squicky-icky
stalkerifficness
stank-a-riffic
starlet-hopping
stem-cell-hugger
step-brother-fucker
step-butthead
step in a pile of moron
stepshithead
steroidocracy
stiffify
stigmatalicious
still-tini
stinkboiga
stoner-bedazzling
straightforwardiness
straightjacket-happy
stunt-pope
sub-atomic wedgie
sub-sub-henchmen
succubusless
successfulishness
suckassability
suck-assdom
suck big green hairy monkey balls
suck-buttitude
suckfestacular
suck-fucking-tacular
suck on this pancake
sudden onset Stevie Nicks syndrome
su-diddly-fucking-uck
sugar coma-ness
suitcase pimpette
super-blatherdom
super-boobular
super-duper-nano-choco-thermite
super-duper-robo-thingy-of-doom
super-fantastic-nerdcore-tacular
supergeniusitude
super-grope-y
super-harass-o-matic
super-hoove-y
super-mega-butt-crack-destroying
super-robo-ferret
super-sado-psychokiller
super-ultra-mega-god-like
super-ultra-mega-melty
supervillainistic
swamp-ass-free
swank-o-riffic
Swede-Pizza-Boy-turned-HOT-model-slash-Paris’-boyfie
sweet holy fucking mother of batshit
sweet holy mother of my neighbor’s cat
sweet Matilda's hymen
sweet merciful monkey cheese
sweet merciful Oprah
sweet merciful pancakes
sweet mother of pancakes
sweet Mother Mary on a motorboat
synergy-y
T
takething
tamponistic
tardocracy
technobabblegasm
techno-dweebistic
techno-geekocracy
Ted-Bundy-of-the-month club
teddybearification
teen Christian-porn pop
Tehran-iness
teleportacious
teleportationology
teleprompterrific
tentaclesque
tentaclicious
terroriness
terroristette
testicle-chomping
testicle-ish
testicular guessitude
testicularitiness
testosterone-lactating
testosterone-marinated
testosterone-tainted tootsie
testosteroniness
testosto-bot
testosto-moronic
testosto-rage
thankchristfully
that-guy-palooza
thingahoosits
third-person-osity
thongageddon
thinga-longwordsomethingortheother-majiggy
thongaroos
thongfully
thong-twanging
Thorliness
three-way-o-phobe
throbulent
throw a nutter
throwupitudinous
thumb-thusiast
thumbs-uppiest
thwackitude
tie-to-the-bedable
tight-buttitude
tingly areas
tired-geddon
tire-swing-pocalypse
toasterfucker
toaster whisperer
toe lickage
toiletitude
Tomb Raider mega-boobies syndrome
tongue-bath-worthy
Top Gun-itis
torturetorium
torturiness
totalitariany
tot-tosterone
touchy-gropy
toupeedar
trainwreckaliciously
trashwad
traumatic facelift perma-surprise
Trek-tosterone
trepan-happy
triboobage
tri-boobedness
triboobular
triple-ganger
trou-droppage
trouserwad
trumpety-strumpety
truthinessiness
tupperware-thingy-majigger
turbo-destructo-pup
turbo-doofus
turbo-numbnuts
turbo-phlegm
turbo-pope
turbo-sin
turbo-trollop
Turd-Blossom-gate
turdbuffery
turdbuttface
turdcake
turdfacehead
turdlessness
turdocaust
turdological
turdtastrophe
turkeysploitation
turnedonedness
twat-lite
tweakificating
tweeometer
20-tentacle tango
two-donut-dejellification
TWSSing
U
uber-doofus
uber-suckage
uber-turd-burger
uh-oh-face guy
ultra-mega-kaboom
ultra-mega-lift-no-bounce
ultra-zoomy
unbebunned
unbiggify
un-blah
unbloodified
un-bride-y
unclecest
Uncle Inappropriate-ness
uncleplucker
un-CNBC-like
un-crazifying
undercover pigdar
undergroundy-ish
under-henchling
undernasties
un-diddly-fiddly
undudelike
un-dumbassify
un-flipping-flapping-real
unfuckedupedness
unfucktarditude
un-holiday-ish-esque
unidiotness
unilateral-invasion-mobile
un-Jedi-ishly
un-mega-holy
un-me-ishly
un-Palinated
unpopely
unpornify
un-professional-istic
un-prophetesque
upscale-y
unsex-workerly
unsexyish
un-smurfing-polite
un-starletish
un-Warrior-Princess-like
upfuckery-induced
upownarsitivity
V
vagilina
vampirey-succubusy
Vaticanosity
va-vavoominess
vegetable-travaganza
vend-o-hair
vent fucker
veto-ginity
Vic Mackey-esque
Vic Mackey-ish
Vic Mackey-ness
Vikingologist
visit Feakle parish
voodoo-istical
VPILFtastic
vulva-savvy
W
wa-boing
wack-assage
wackassitude
wadbreath
wadwipe
wallowlicious
wangitude
wankerdar
wankeristical
wankerologist
wankerwad
wankitudinous
wankosity
warlordiness
warlorditude
Warrior Princess-esque
wedgie-resistant
weebies
Weird Al-esque-ness-ism
weirdo-dar
were-proctologist
wet-blanket-ish
wet sock for brain
whackaloonism
whackopath
Whackjobistan
whatchamacrap
whatchama-doo-jobby
whateverdoodle
whatever-doodle-mutt
whatevershippy
whatever-whatever-ology
whatsitology
what-the-bleepishness
What-the-frak-is-going-onsville
what-the-fuckometer
whelm scale
Where-the-fuck-istan
which-way-did-he-go-George-ing
whiffle-fluffer-blissed-outiest
whipped like rabid skunks
whirly-twirly-leapy-flippy
white-knuckle-can’t-put-it-downedness
white-trashtacular
whoa-itude
whocaresified
who-knows-what-ectomy
who-the-fuck-cares-edness
whuckwhuckwhucking
why-the-heck-are-we-still-talking-about-this-gate
wienerhuahua
wig lumpage
wimpery
wingnutdar
wipewad
wolfshit insane
womanpanzee
women's-magazine-y
woohooery
WOOHOOHUZZAHOMGYAY
worth-ish-y
WTFOMGTMDTLAARGBBQ?! face
WTF-osity
X
Xena-phobic
Xenu-tastic
Y
yakketyblog
yam-oriented
yap-yap-yappering
yokelosity
Yokocaust
your-mum-in-a-jar-ologist
yuck-bomb
Z
zombie-dar
zombie-ess
zombitudinous
zombocracy
zookeeper-mauling
abominationish
abominationistic
abominationitude
abracaboobra
abraca-oops
absocraply
absodiddly
absoforking
absofracking
absofuckingawesome
absofuckingnotly
absoshitly
absosmurfing
abysmalitude
abysslessness
accentgasm
accessory-dog
ackfuck
add-hic-endum
adorable-itude
aggro-goofitude
ah-choo-la-la
AHEMdelusionsofgrandeurAHEM
*ahem*ty-nine
all-knowing-ish
all-over-each-other-ness
alternadoofus
ambulatory hamburger
American assload
Amish-sploitation
amputation-happy
anal-probish
aneurysmometer
ann-coulterin'
annoying-gushy-man-molestiness
anthro-weirdo
anthro-whatsit
anti-anti-anti-anti-American
anti-anti-anti-tit-for-tat
anti-anti-lap-dance
Anti-Christitude
anti-Fonzie
anti-Janet-Jackson’s-nipple
anti-jeebusness
anti-milf
anti-space-rock
ape-poopy
apoco-babe
ap-sock-alypse
Aquamanliness
aqua-Satanic
arachno-butt
arch-buttmunch
arch-dipshit
arch-dumbass
arch-nemesisness
arch-nutjob
arghh-ified
argh-inspiring
arghitude
arm-punchy
assassin-client privilege
assassinationologist
ass-chapper
Assclownistan
asscrackitude
asshatastic
asshat-capades
asshatdar
asshat whisperer
assheadface
ass-fatifying
assholiest
assitudinous
assitudinousness
asskissology
asslessness
assloadish
assmunchitude
assnutface
asspore
ass-pullage
ass-pullery
assquarters
ass-smoochery
asstardishness
asstardtastic
assticular region
Asstoberfest
asswadface
astrocaust
atomic space wedgie
atomic-wedgie-proof
atrocitylicious
attack-majiggy
at the whim of a hat
Australian schnauzer-doodle-whatever-poo
auto-assplay
awesome-stosterone
awshucksy-gosh-darn-it-to-heck
awwwwwww-itude
B
baby boomerbasherism
backlash-tastic
bacongasm
baconpire
baked in stupidity sauce
ba-donk-a-ma-donk
baddie-in-training
bad-motherfuckerish
badonkadonk-load
baldershit
ball-crushage
ballitude
ball-latherer
ball-lickery
ballsacectomy
balls-centric
ball-suckitude
ballsweatometer
banana-mimicking
banana-phobic
bandit-licious
bank robberette
baptism-ish
barbarianette
barbecutionist
Barbie-in-chief
barfitudinous
baseball bat moment
Batbuttplug
batcrapitude
batfuckery
bathtubular
Batman-Begins-ification
Batmanliness
bat-nanigans
batshit burger
batshitcrazymobile
batshit-demented
batshit-deranged
batshitism
Batshitistan
batshit loonball
batshit-mentum
batshitologist
batshitometer
batshittedness
batshittery
Bat-spatula
battle-tastic-tacular-gasm-worthy
Batvibrator
beaglehuahua
beallah
beardzilla
beat-them-to-death-with-a-brick-worthy
Beavis and Buttheadification
bedcapades
bedoofused
bed-pannish
bedwettology
beeftacular
BeelzeHillary
Beelze-something
Beelze-whatever
beer-bestanked
beer gut-ify
beer-tastrophe
befuckitude
befuddlitude
behipstered
behoboed
beholderess
behootered
bejackassed
beJuicyFruited
benevolent-ish
bepancaked
Bepenised-European-American
bepoodled
besatan
bescrotumed
berserker-rage-inducing
beskunked
besmirchee
besnorkled
beswirlied
beta-goon
betowelled regions
betrayal-y
bewadded
bewedgied
bewhacked
bewiggery
bexenu
beyoinked
bezeus
bible-believingly
big-dick-dar
Bill Clintony
bio-crotchfruit
bird-poo-encrusted
biscuitwad
bittersweetitude
bladder-splosion
blah blah-ologist
blah-illion
blamfrazzled
blasphemosity
blessedly-boobed
blowhardette
blow-uppiness
blow-shit-up-with-magic-ologist
bodaciously-bottomed
bodily-fluids-imbibing
bogartitude
boinkability
boinkery
boinkly
boinktacular
Bond villain-y
boneheadery
bonerade
boneration
bonerheaded
bonerologist
bonership society
boner subsidy
bone throwage
bonertopia
bongo horror
bongozoid
bonka-bonka
bonkerization
bonkers-ish
bonobosexual
boobage-coverage
boobamaphone
boobicular fortitude
boobiemonger
boobiloquent
boobistically
boobitation
boobological region
boobophobia
boob-tastic-osity
boobwad
boobworm
boogerbutthead
boogerfy
boom-boom-boom-ish
bootleg exorcism
booty-call-ish
booze-beckoning
booze-woozed
borefest-a-rama
botsploitation
bouncerette
bouncy-headbangy
bowel-crushingly
Boy Scout-edness
bozoification
brain bleach moment
braindeadification
braindeaditude
brainfrak
brain-gurble
brain-hurtitude
brainsuckee
brainsucky
brainwashatron
Brangelinagasm
brass-ballsitude
breakfastude
breasticular fortitude
breastitudinous
Brichon Fra-something-doodle
bro-itude
brown-boxers moment
brown one’s Cheese Doodles
BSKFF
buffoonette
bugshitted
bullshit in a can
bum-awful
bum-flappiest
bungholicious
bungmanity
bunnycapades
bunnyhuahua
bunny-rabbit-sucker-upper
bunny-worshipper
burn one's waffles
Bush’s-colon-scented
buttanza
butt boring
buttbortion
butt-cleavage-revealing
buttcrackology
buttfacebutt
buttface-edness
buttfacehead
buttheadette
butthead-in-law
buttholery
buttholicious
butthole-iest
buttholistic
buttilion
buttily challenged
buttlickee
buttmentum
buttmunchette
buttmuncheroo
buttmunchily
buttmunchitude
buttmunchology
buttmunchosaur
buttmunch-wad
buttockage
buttockitude
buttockologist
buttocks-hat
buttpire
butt-pluggy
butt-sniffee
buzz shackle
BYOC
by Odin's balls
by Zeus' balls
C
caketagious
calzonegasm
camel toe-dar
cameltoeriffic
cannibalette
cannonfodderness
canoe on Lake Lunacy
can't-keep-it-in-my-pants-itis
Captain Cuckoopants
Cardboard Box-istan
ca-something-or-other
catastro-bleep
catastrofrak
catastrofreak
catastrometer
catastrophic boob tape failure
catastrophic crotch failure
catastrophic penis failure
catastrophic underwear failure
cat-bepooped
catfightiness
Catholic dog exorcist whisperer guy
cat-nookiepalooza
cavemanitude
celebubot
celebucaust
celebu-crotch
celebudrunk
celebudude
celebufreak
celebugod
celebu-mutant
celebu-rat
celebu-seed
celebu-shambles
celebusperm
celebu-swine
celebu-vomit
celebuwhatever
cesspool-flavored
champagne-and-adultery-soaked
character-insighty
cheeseburgerette
chemo-psycho-nano-tech
chest-thrusty
Chicago-istan
chicken-gasm
chickenshititude
Chicken Snatchatori
chickensploitation
chickenshitology
chickenwad
Chidorkiedoodlepookin
chimpcapades
chimphuahua
chipmunk-shaggery
chocopire
choco-romantic
choco-terrorist
Christ on a whole wheat cracker
Christwad
chug-chug-chuggery
churchgasm
Churchill-humping
clone-worthy
clusterboink
clusterbop
clusterbunch
clustercoitus
clusterdouche
clusterfornicate
clusterfrog
cluster-fuckitude
cluster molestation
cluster-naughty word
cluster-nookie
clusterplook
clusterpork
clustersmurf
clustersomething
clusterspork
clusterwad
co-badass
cockamaroach
cockapoopoopoo
cocka-shih-poo
cockaspanadoodlehua
cockawhatever
cock-crinkler
coconut-clonker
coconut-testicled
co-doofus
co-exorcist
co-fornicator
cohortitude
coitalicious
collective clitoris
collagen-licious
collapse-alypse
collision-y
colonoscosode
colon rage
combover-ee
come-dump-o-rama
comedy-y
come-hither-y
concubine-tastic
confessy-time
conflict-avoidy
confuzzle-osity
congressasshat
congressbutt
congress-cockroach
congressjackass
congressrodent
congresswad
conjugalicious
conjugalistically
conjugal-visit-interruptus
conspiracy-y
constructo-pocalypse
coronerette
corporeal-ator
corruption-berg
cosmic-donut supporter
Costanzaness
couch-makeouting
Count Crackula
counter-hubbub
cousincesty
cowbell-osity
cow-crapper-upper
co-whacko
crackadocious
crack-challenged
crack-denish
crack on one’s cornflakes
cracko-whacko
crack-pipe-worthy
crackpipey
crackpotitude
crackwhorishness
crack-whoritude
cradle robberette
crapamajig
crap-assedness
crapaversary
crapcation
crap-diddly-crap-crap
crap-diddly-tastic
crap-diddly-yappy
crapfestacular
crapfest-free
crapfestitude
Crapinator-in-Chief
crapitudinous
crapitudinousness
crap-mentum
crapocaust
crapolapalooza
crapologism
craposcopic
craposterous
crapped-up-ness
crapportunity
crapstache
crapstitute
craptacular-ish
craptasticish
craptrocity
crapulent-tastic
crapwaffle
crawl-under-a-rock-y
crazed-assedness
creepitudinous
creepo-weepo
creepydar
creepy-outy
creepy-uncle-y
crestfallenish
cringy-cringy
crony-licious
cronytastic
cross the squick line
crotchdar
crotchfruitian
crotchfruitish
crotchfruity
crotchgasm
crotchilicious
crotchish area
crotchmunch
crotchsploitation
crotchwad
CTWF (catastrophic tortilla wall failure)
Cubpocalypse
cuddly-aggressive
culpritess
cupcake-capades
cuteaggedon
cutesy-fest
cutesy-pooitude
cyber-pseudo-robo-booobies
cy-kid
Cyloncaust
Cylonicide
Cylonitudinous
Cylontologist
D
dad-blower-upper
dadsmurfed
dark-avenger-y
Darth Dubyous
Deady McDeadsty
dealbreakerness
deassify
death-bed-ish
death falafel
deathwishiness
deathy-like
deballification
deballified
debarfify
debaucheristical
de-bonerification
de-boring-ified
debraify
debrainsuck
debutchify
de-Californify
deca-thousandaire
de-chimpify
dechristify
de-clutter-ification
de-douchebagify
dedumbassify
de-dweebification
de-edumacation
defuckified
degoopified
de-ignorant-ized
dejesusify
Dejavu-istan
de-kid-ifying
demise-ish-ness
democracy-y
demon-possessive
dentistette
dentisticide
denunification
denutify
de-Oprah-fy
depenisify
depooified
de-pooifying
depoopinator
depressionosity
depuff-ify
de-Rosie'fy
de-schmoopify
de-smellify
despicalicious
despotette-in-training
despotette-wannabe
desquickify
de-stankifier
de-stiffify
de’throom
dewankification
de-wreckification
diabolicalitude
diamond-tipped-nippled
diaper-faced
diaperiffic
diaper-tastrophe
dickheadbutt
dickheadification
dickholehead
dicksmackitude
dick-wadditude
dickwadette
dickweedhood
dictatorshippy
diddlefest
diddly-bleeping-squat
diddly bupkis
diddly-doodly-fucking-squat
diddly-fucking-squat
diddlywad
differentyness
dignity-ish-type
dildometry
dildonicness
diligent-ish-y
dillholery
dimwittitude
dingleberry-gate
dingleberryology
Dirty Smurfchez
disappear-up-your-own-assery
disastro-catastro-pheeeeeeee
discomfitometer
discomrobertulated
disembowelingest
dismemberly
distraughtitude
divorcey-weds
DMV-stapo
doctorcest
doctoristic
Dr. Pepper-ocracy
dog-ass-flavored
dogdar
dogenfreude
dog-excrement-intensive
dog-mentum
domestic-terrorist-turned-housewife
dominatrix-sex-kitten-y
done-to-deathitude
doodoo-ology
doofusbot
doofusbreath
doofusette
doofushood
Doofus-in-Chief
doofusistic
doofuslet
doofusmonger
doofusmunch
doofuswad
doomamajig
doomidity
doomistical
doomsday-y
doomsteress
doorbell-palooza
doped to the nines
dorkamatron
dorkheadedness
dorkfuck
dorks-gone-chic
dorkwadhead
double-boob-edly
double dillwadish
double-meh
double-shitbirds
douche-anova
douchebagapalooza
douchebagectomy
douchebagface
douchebaghead
douchebagomatic
douchebagtastic
douchebagwad
douchebutt
douchecapades
douche-er-iffic
doucheteria
douche-toolish
douchetronic
douchenozzlitude
douche-wibbler
douchitudinousness
dowhateverer
Dracula-ish/esque
dramaqueentastic
drunktardish
Duckfuckistan
duck-pampering
duh-lightful
duh-sasterous
dumbassectomy
dumbasshead
dumbfuckosaurus
dumbfucktastic
dumbiotic
dumbitudinous
dumbshitette
dumpsterette
dumpster-recognition module
dunderdoof
dunderheaditude
dunderwad
dungeon-doom-apocalypseness
dung-heapish
durificatrix
dweebularity
dyingish
E
ear-flap-based
ear-hair-farming
earthtard
East Buttfuckistan
eco-dildo
eco-fetishology
eco-ninja-warrior-kinda-chick
economic boner
ecto-kitty
ectoplasm-flavored
ectoplasmgasm
ectoplasminess
ectoplasmological
ectoplasm-monger
edgier-than-thouness
eeekies, the
egg-splosive
ego-handjob
185whatever
electro-depantsifier
electro-skankstress
electro-torture-ologist
Elmer Fuddistic
emasculicious
embalmitude
embezzlementy
emo-admiral
Empire Strikes Back-itis
endlessish
enema-ee
English muffin-fu
enormo-robo-drums
en-sad-ifying
enthrallitude
enthusiasmgasm
entomologist-turned-bedroomologist
envirodouche
enviro-hobbit-hole
eroto-depresso
erudite-itude
espionagelicious
essay-pionage
euphem-ee
euphemtastic
everydoofus
everything-ruiner
evil-gasmic
evil-scientist fetish
ew-able
execufucktard
ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-gay
ex-Felatee-in-Chief
exit-row-ness
exorcism czar
exorcism tongs
exorcistesque
exorcist-in-chief
exorcistolicious
exorcist-turned-dairy-farmer
exploitation-tastic-ish
expositionator-y
expositiolicious
ex-step-ferret
extraordinary equestrian
F
factish-like
fake-banana-stealing
fake-boob-dar
false prophety
family-values-licking
fanbloodytasticlicious
fanboyette
fan-diddly-damn-tastic
fan-diddly-fucking-tastic
fan-coitus-tastic
fansmurfingtastic
fantardistically
farmboyesque
fartageddon
fart knockee
fart-knockery
Fatal Attraction-ization
fat-crappy-tastic
fatigue-o-splosion
federal-agenty
feeder-fetish-tastic
fellatonic
fembotical
fembot-in-training
fembot-ish
fembotitude
fembotization
fembot-less
fembot-tastic
fembotty
ferretsploitation
fetal positiony
fetishishness
fetusesque
filthy-dirty-compelling
fine-diddly-fucking-whatever
Fiona Apple-of-the-month club
fish-ish-y
fist-of-death-itude
fistpumpery
fist-pumpy
flip-flopology
flower-child-y
flubberducking
fluffitudinous
flying-eyeball-swallowing
footbathage
footsploitation
foozamabob
for Christ’s sweet biscuits
forbidden-love-y
foreheadologist
fork-in-the-backer
former-husband-brain-eating fork
fornicationful
Fortress of Moistitude
Fortress of Placentatude
fracktarded
frakzillion
Frankenasshat
frankenbanana
Frankenbutthead
Frankendoofus
frappawhatsit
freakamazoid
freakazoid-less
freakitudinous
freaky-loo-wackadoo
Fred-on
Fredo-riffic
freedominess
free-range cretins
French-fry-pocalypse
French-ish-sounding
frigillion
frizzle-frizzledness
frost one’s cheese
fuckadocious
fuckbabble
fuckboozled
fuckbuckethead
fuck-capades
fuck-diddly-ola
fuck-diddly-umptious
fucked-in-the-headitude
fuckedupedly
fuckedupedness
fuckenizing
fuckhandle
fuckheadess
fuckheadicide
fuckheaditude
fucking like banshees
fuckingtacular
fuckity-fuckbag
funkitudinous
fucknutted-uppitude
fucknuthood
fucknutter
fuckpork
fuckstainery
fucktardistic
fuckwadface
fuckwitesque
fuckwitface
fuckwit-in-law
fugly-pepto-pink
fuh-reaky-deaky
full-frontal-ness
fun-diddly-freaking-un
fundie-Jeebus-y
funnydar
FWBs (followers with benefits)
F-wordtastic
G
gah-tastic
gah-worthy
gastro-something-something-ologist
gazillionish
geek-history-gasm
geekstress
geezer-azzi
geezette
geezeritude
genocidal much-better-now-thankiacs
get all Catholic
get Neanderthal on your ass
get one’s bibles in a knot
get one's chastity belt in a swivel
get one’s monkeys in a bunch
get one's who-gives-a-shit on
Gilliganistic
ginormously fugged out crevice cleavage syndrome
girl-lizard
girly-bits-related
glacier-appropriate
glam-trashtastic
globo-downfallization
gloriousnessosity
glycoli-schmancy-hydroxo-crapological
go bazonkers
Godcomplexzilla
goddening
godlike-ish
God-mentum
God on a blue surfboard
go full douche
going-through-the-motions-ish
goitertastic
golden celebutwit triumvirate
golden showeree
go mentalish
gonadage
gonerette
gone-to-the-darksidey
good-giddy-awd
good holy Jesus in a jumpsuit
goofulating
goo-goo-ga-gun
goo-inspired
goopification
go psycho-batshit-bonkers
go psycho bugnuts
got-a-bad-feeling-about-this-ing
goth-seductressy
go to hell in a D Cup
Gov. Blagowhatsit
grabassitude
grain alcohol goggles
grain-alcohol-y
grandmatacular
grandmother-induced
grandspawn
gravy-y
Greater Scumbagistan
great-grand-crotchfruit
great-grandcritter
great-grandspawn
great-great-grandbot
Greco-creepo
green-glowing-nano-slime-ammo-pack
groinalicious
groinapalooza
groin-boggling
groinfruit-destroyers
groinhead
groinly
groin pullage
group-grope-y
grovelicious
grudgegasm
gutter-friendly
gutterhumper
gyrationish
H
hackcough*yeahright*cough
hacktastic
haddock-smacked
Hades-on-the-Hudson
haiku-stipation
hair-ma-geddon
hairocaust
hair tossy
half-boobedly
half-hee
half-manbimbo
half-wombat-brained
ham-a-geddon
hamburger-splosion
ham-rizon
hamster-kissing
hamsterslaughter
ham-thusiast
handjob-ologist
happy man-loaf
harlot laureate
harumphery
head-up-his-buttitude
head-up-your-assish
heart-attack-tastic
heart-blower-upper
heathenitude
heathentastic
hellbeastish
hellhound-free
hellhound whisperer
hematomeriffic
henchape
henchblob
henchboobs
henchbreasts
hench-bunny-men
henchchicken
hench-chimp
hench-cleavage
hench-commissioner
hench-Cylon
henchdoofus
henchdork
henchgoat
henchgoon
henchho
hench-lady-men-partners
henchman-ish
henchmanliness
henchmoron
henchnoncorporeal being
hench-poodle
hench-rodent
henchscum
hench-zombie
he-slut
Hey-look-over-there-istan
hhhnnnnnnngggggg
higgledy-piggledyology
Hillary-licious
hinkstivity
hissy-spat
Hitchcock-orama-ness
hit the smutpot
hobbitcest
hobo-stronaut
ho-centric
ho-diddly-fucking-hum
hohohoish
holy buttered crap on a stick
holy crispy crap on a cracker
holy deep-dish fuck
holy flippin’ flyin’ cows
holy-matrimonialish
holy mother of monkey
holy mothersmurfing smurf
holy smurfballs
holy-sweet-mother-of-God-fine
home-bonership
homicidal maniac-y
honeymoonitude
hoo-hoo-ectomy
hoopy-doopy
hootchie-wad
Hooteropolis
horndoggery
horndogess
horrendo-mom
horriditude
horse’s asshood
horsy-hung
hosebeastess
hosebeasty
hosepot
ho sense
hot dog with teeth
hot-monkey-sex-type
hubba-hubba-ish
human-beingy
human-esque-ish-like
human-excrement-sprayingest
humanitariany
humanity-ish-ian
humanlicious
humility-meister
humpism
humpologist
hung like a Norse
hypotetheticonfessional
I
ice-becrotched
ice the suck cake
icky-sticky-sicky-poo
I-don’t-give-a-fuckitude
ignoramusette
ilk-hood
I'mboredsowhere'sthepornistan
impending-doomy-sounding
implode-or-explode-ish
I'mPerfectSoICanDoAnythingIWantNoMatterHow DespicableBecauseGodLovesMeYay!-ism
impregnitude
incestiness
incest-tastic-ness
incredu-normous
Index Cardus Notetaking-asaurus
indictment-speculation-a-thon
infatuationish
infidel-ightful
info-ness-ish-esque-whatever
ingratess
inhumanesque
insta-exorcism
insta-pond
insta-poopy-in-yur-panties
insta-redemption
intestinal gonaditude
in the barn
Iranian-onaut
Irish-ishy
iron-rod-up-one's-assedness
itchy-batshitty
I-told-you-so-esque
J
jackassage
jackasshead
jackassfuck
jackassitude
jackassometer
jackasswad
jack-diddly-fucking-shit-squat
jack-diddly-iddly-shit
jagmuppet
jailbaitdar
Jailbaitistan
James Spader-y
Jeebus H. Cripes on a pogo stick
Jeebusish
Jeebusology
Jeebustastic
Jeezass-loving
jerkassiest
jerkasswad
jerkatoid
jerkbuttface
jerkfacewad
jerkholeface
Jesuscest
Jesus shit howdy
Jesusy-ness
jitterwank
jizz-coaxer
jizzicillin
jizz-ism
John McGetOffMyLawn
John McOneFootInTheGrave
Johnny Potatochipseed
John Q. Fuckface
K
kaboomapow
kaboomboomboomboom
kaboomitude
kaboomlessness
kaboomology
kaboomsville
kah-splodey
kajillasecond
kegelicious
kerplodey
kickassitudinousness
Kidmanoxed
kidnapperess
kidney-selling-tastic
kiss on the pants
knee-in-groinage
kneejerkery
knockupedness
kvetchitude
L
lady balls
ladyparts-first
lame-assedness
laptoplessness
laughanista
laugh-in-your-facey
lav-love
learning juice
leather-pants-fashion-do category
leertastic
leg burqa
leg-humpage
leperesque
leper-ish
leprechaun-licking
leprobot
lepro-licious
lesbiatic
lesby-go-round
lickable fragrance product
lick hippo-hole
light-as-a-feather-itude
limp chimp
lipstickicity
little-finger-ageddon
lobotolicious
lobotomy-ish
lobster-liberator
loinage
loinliness
long-neck-asaurus
loofah-enhanced
loofah-gasmic
loonbase
loonbatty
looner-laden
losercapades
losered-out
love hexadecagon
Lower Buttmunchistan
low-self-esteemish
LVPCILF
M
mad scientistette
maim-fest
make a no-no
malcontenty
malfunctionish
malt-liquor-y
manblogitude
man-chete
mancrushish
man-flab
man-fume
manhoodedness
manhoodish
manhoodiness
man-on-me
man-reactiony
man-slutitude
man-strumpet
mantourage
marionette-on-marionette action
martyrometer
Marysploitation
massage-gasm
Massengill bag
massengillosity
Massengill-y
mass-hormonify
masterplanesque
masturventurer
mattressable
Mc-Muffin-gasmic
meat-hunk
meat-induced-coma-ness
meat leash
meatorexic
meat-splosive
mechanopuppy
megabarfage
megabuttmunch
mega-destructo
mega-doofy
megadumpage
mega-fuckered
mega-legal-robo-proctologist
mega-mega-uber-pissed
mega-mildew
megamungus
megapoopage
megastitious
megatardery
meh-itude
meh on a stick
menstool cycle
menstru-iffic
messiahess-in-training
messiahlicious
messiah-tastic
meth goggles
metric (bad word)-load
metric booty-load
metric crudload
metric diaperload
metric dorkload
metric dumpload
metric-expletive-ton
metric jesus-load
metric monkeyload
metric poo-poo-load
metric poo-ton
metric smurfload
metric turdload
microscopic American
microtallywhacker
mid-atmosphere-falling-jump-thingy
middle minion management
mid-nookie
midpiddle
MILFify
milfologist
milifuck
military-y
mindbendee
mind-blower-upper
mindboink
mind-firetruck
mind-forever-frakked-uppedness
mindfornicate
mindfuckologist
mindfuckometer
mindfucktastic
mini-clustereff
minionator
mini-Rasta-y
miscreantitude
Minneapolis-stan
missing-the-pointitude
Mr. Horse Fuckeee
Mr. Joe Penisbrain
Mr. Sucky Poo Poo Pants
Mr. Suddenly-Non-Turd
Mr. Sweaty Scream-o
mmmf face
mmmmmmmmminess
mochafication
moistenator
molestolicious
mom-burban
mommatruckin'
momsploitation
mom-stitute
Monday-y
monkey balls nuts
monkey-permissive
monster-freaking-pocalypse
moosementum
mooseploitation
moral turditude
moral whatever-tude
moronatron
moron dust
moronitudinous
moronobot
moronwad
motherblesser
motherbopper
mothercheneyer
motherexpletiver
motherfuckeress
motherfuckerload
motherfuckerology
motherfuckingfucker
motherfuckwad
motherless fuck
Mother Mary on a slice of toast
motherplooker
motherprober
mothersmegger
Mother Theresa on a motorbike
Mother Theresa-y
mother-you-know-what-er
mucho-crapitudinous
muffin-napper
muffin-top-icity
muffinward
multi-crapola
mumbledy-moomba
mutineeress
mutineeringishly
mwah-fucking-ha
mysterious-osity
mythology-y
N
nad-ectomy
naked-sexual-whatever
Nancy Poopenheifer
nano-billiards
nano-bionic-whateverization
nanoblahblah
nano-cylo-std
nano-destructo-gun
nano-destructo-mat
nano-diddly-squat
nanodoodle
nano-douche-bot
nanofilet
nanomajig
nano-nads
nano-peepee
nanopoop
nanoschlong
nano-sleaze
nanosomethingorother
nano-souled
nanotesticles
nano-wand of love
nano-wrath
nanny-boinking
nannylicious
natural-ish-y
nature’s cockblock
nausea-tastic
neanderbot
neanderchick
neandergoat
neanderstuff
neanderthaless
neanderthal magnet
neanderwhatsit
near-drowning-by-swirlie
neckamajigger
necro-boink
necro-whatsit
neglectitude
nekkiditity
neo-eco-socio-wacko
neo-nympho-super-race
nether-testines
nether-thingy
neurodoublefucked
neuro-psycho-whacko
neuro-puffs
neurospatula
newscasterette
newsdude
nincompoopitude
ninja-in-chief
Nintendo-ish-esque-kinda-sorta
nipple-obsessed simian
nipplitudinous
Nobel Science Lunatic Prize
non-abominationable
non-assbag
non-assmunch
non-autoerotic-asphyxiating
non-banjo-istic
non-basics-neglecting
non-ball-licking
non-batshit-bombthrowing-crazy
non-batshitified
non-batshit-loco
non-batshitly
non-beboobed
non-bepenised
non-betesticled
non-bigfoot sighting-esque
non-boner-giving
non-boobness
non-boom-boom-boom
non-brain-hurty
non-bugnuttery
non-bunghole
non-choo-choo
non-crapful
non-crapsack
non-crapularity
non-crotchal
non-daddy-issues-having
non-deadish
non-democraciness
non-Depends demographic
non-diddly-squat-doing
non-doomedness
non-doomtastic
non-douchitude
non-dreckful
nondumbassery
non-dweebiness
non-emergency-room-physician-type
non-evil-ish
non-evilosity
non-fembot
non-flirty-ness
non-fondle-y
non-fuckbot
nonfuckedupedness
non-fuckwad
nonfuckwadish
non-fugly-blubber-wad
non-fun-haver god
non-gigantamundo
non-graveyardy
non-groin regions
non-honkified
non-horndoggy-interactivity
non-hooker-hirer
non-human-esque
non-humany-spirity-thingy
non-inverse-pessimism
non-jackassitude
not-jiggly-anywhere
non-lame-oid
non-meepitude
non-men-type-people
non-monkey-poo
non-monkey-poo-flinging
non-mustache-having
non-near-psychopath
non-nonchalant-ness
non-nookie-related
non-nunny
non-oodles
non-orgasmitude
non-penis-centric
non-penis-possessor
non-playthingish
non-prick-like-ness
non-robo-gynoid-cybersexual
non-robo-head
non-schmuckish
non-sharey
non-shitbird
non-sleazebucket
non-sleazoid
non-snot-eater
non-snotwad
non-splodey
non-spyful
non-squee-inducing
non-stick-like hottyness
non-sticky-outy
non-suckitudinous
non-suckwadish
non-surgical-glove-clad
non-thongish
non-torture policy
non-turdly
non-turd-oriented
non-Vaderish
non-whoa
noogie-monger
nookie-ish
nookie-licious
nookie-mashing
no-pantsless-bacon-preparation
normal-persony
North Methistan
nose-humping
nose-smushage
no-sleep-alyptic
Nostradamus-esque-ish
Nostradamus schmostradamus
not-a-cancerness
not blowing one's panties off
not-caring-what-other-people-will-thinkitude
not-dead-ness
not playing with a full sack
not-quite-so-eviltude
not-so-barbarianish
not-so-hee
nuke-o-puffs
numbskulless
nun-in-chief
nunliness
nun-napping
nutball-in-chief
nutballitude
nutbarhood
nutbaritude
nutburgery
nutcase-dazzling
nutsopath
nyah-nyah-diddly-dang-duddly-doo
NyQuil goggles
O
oblivilicious
obvious-tacular-ish
octo-centric
octo-grandpa
Odinosity
Odin-tastic
Odin-y
oh-so-fucktastically-subtle
OMGWTFBBQPOLARBEAR
omnidouche
omnifucking
omni-whateverism
on-crack-itude
ooby-doobied
oomphitude
Operation Fucking Disaster
Oprah-garchy
Oprahological
Oprahvescent
opto-mole-ology-ist
oracle-burger
orangu-dookie
organ-harvesty
organic breeding vat
orgasmitude
orgasmological
ortho-yada-yada-ology
Outer Bungholistan
ovary-style
overlordage
over-the-top-ery
overwroughtitude
ow-fricking-fracking-ch
P
paid protruder
pain-in-the-assitude
paleo-critter
paleo-douche
paleo-jackass
paleo-lady
paleo-whatsit
paleo-whatsit-doohickey-phallic-device
palookette
pandarazzi
pants-on aesthetic appreciation
panty-hose-zilla
paralleloriffic
parental eunuch
pariahess
patoodler
patron anorexic cokehead twin
Paula Abdul-usional
pearbutt
pecker-waggy
peckerwoodedness
peefulness
peekabooblicious
peelessly
pee-piphany
peesome threesome
pee-tastrophe
peeverazzi
pencil-dickedness
penguin-abusing
penguin-mongering
penguin-on-penguin action
penisary
performance artist-y
perma-poop
perp-waddle
personal-boundary-invading
pervertitude
pestilence-ish
pet-monkey-ize
Phelpsianistic
philosophical-rifficy
phlegmliness
phlegmapalooza
phlegmocracy
phlegmometer
pickle-sacked
pig-bladdery
pig-butt-nasty
pigeon-bepooped
pigfornicator
pig in a lace hat
pigwad
pillow-fighting-esque
pimp-o-riffic
pinata-flogging
pineapple-ologist
ping pong shui
Pinko-Atheist-in-Chief
pins-and-needles-y
pissing-offage
pissy hissy snit-fit
pithicism
pizzazz-a-majiggy
pizzlehead
placentalicious
plookload
plumber’s-crack-defying
plumber-sploitation
poignantistic
police-erazzi
politico-whacko
politi-dude
polterdog
polterdork
polter-rat
polterthing
pontifferiffic
pontiff-licking
pontificatedness
pooageddon
poochy-lipped
poo-diddly-oop
poodlecapades
poodlescent
poodlehuahua
poodle-in-law
poodle-worthy
poofacehead
poo-free zone
pooitude
pookie-wookie-woo
poo-nibbling
poopberg
poop-chute-friendly
poopertraitor
poopfacebutt
poop-hoser
poopie woopie doopie loopie
poopitudinous
poopoo brain head guy
poopoobuckethead
poopooburger
poopoobutthead
poopooheadbutt
poopoopoocock
poopoowad
poopsome
poopy-ploppy-poo
poopy-ridden
poopytard
poor-human-being-itude
poosaster
popcorn-action-flick-y
pope-o-licious
popular as wet socks
porkfully
porno-determinism
port-o-potty-pocalypse
postalish-bionic
post-apocalypticish
post-beard-scuba-vibe
post-beefgasm
post-brain-suckage syndrome
post-cheesesteak-gasm
post-dinner-sinner
post-Janet-Jackson’s-breast
post-lunchitude
post-traumatic mustache disorder
post-nipslip
post-traumatic butt-viewing stress disorder
post-traumatic cheesesteak syndrome
post-traumatic dating syndrome
post-traumatic olfactory disorder
post-traumatic red wine disorder
post-traumatic sexy caged-heat syndrome
post-traumatic stress syndromey
post-traumatic swirly disorder
post-traumatic Tony Danza Show disorder
post-zombie-lyptic
prayergasm
pre-batshit-insane
pre-Cylonpocalypse
predecessoress
pre-diddly-ictable
pre-doofus-lobbying
pre-douchebaggery
pre-douchebagology
pre-emptive porking
prefrontal Spitzer lobe
pre-fucked-over
prefuckedupness
pregcellent
pregnantification
pre-Jesusistic
pre-killer-robot
pre-misinterpreted
preposterlicious
pre-preggish
pre-schmoopification
pre-shtup
President I’m So Buff
pre-unholy-trinity
pre-yore
priaptastic
princessitude
princess of darkness-y
Princess of Porkitude
Princess Snotbucket
prison inmate whisperer
pro-binky-nuk-sucky-lovey-ya-ya
pro-crotchfruit
proctologistess
proctologistette
product-placement-y
Professor Fuckfacehead
prolifera
pro-moronicide
prophecy-y
prosti-kitty
prosti-pouting
prosti-teacher
prostiturkey
proto-mook
proud-to-be-brainwashed
pseudo-boinkage
pseudo-bozo-techno-lingo
pseudo-bumpkin
pseudo-codgery
pseudo-creepo
pseudo-facty
pseudo-fornication
pseudo-non-crummy
pseudo-non-girlfriend
pseudo-robo-sperm
pseudo-spatula
pseudo-speedo
psychocyberstalkerperv
psychomajiggy
psychonutball
psycho-robo-rambo
psychostache
psychotic-murderess-free
ptero-dino-whatsit
public-restroomy
pucker-buttedness
puddingheadedness
puh-puh-puh-puh-leeze
puh-sleaze
pulchritudinosity-ish-ness
puppy-y
put-out-upon-ness
putridosity
Q
quadriboobage
quadri-butt
quadruple gak
quad-whatever the hell it is-angle of doom
quantumblahblah
quasi-buffitude
quasi-crackpotitude
quasi-doltish
quasi-fetishy
quasi-incesterrific
quasi-sorta-medieval-ish
quesadilla-palooza
R
rapture-o-matic
rat-bastardliness
rat bleeper
rat-eating episode
ratfork
ratfuckee
ratfuckery
Rat gods, the
rathuahua
reach-around-y
re-bionicized
rebuffooned
recently-released-from-the-crypt
redemption-scented
redeemage
re-defrock
re-diddly-damn-diculous
reekage
referendumologist
re-kill-ify
re-lackey-ize
relationshipistic
relationshipular
releperization
repercussiony
repornified
reproductive artifact
re-re-re-unretire
re-spawnification
restraining-order-ish
restraino-complaino
resuckified
reverse-psycho-babble-ology-ish
reverse seduce-ology
rich-himbo-wannabe
ride the Sane Train
righteousish
Robert Downey Jr.-gasm
robo-aardvark-man
robobabysitter
robo-boobage
robobrarian
robocest
robo-dementia
robo-dirigibles
robo-drool
robo-fornication
robo-gams
robo-libido
robo-macaque
robo-maternal
robo-mommy
robo-murderer
robo-paddle
robopube
robo-scumbag
robo-seductress
robo-sideboob
robo-stroke
robo-testicle
robo-whatsit
roll up one’s campsite
roommate-cest
rubble-izer
S
Saddam-lite-style
sado-optimist
sad-to-manic-sackery
samurailicious
Sanchezee
sandwichitude
sandy butt crack syndrome
santorum-slurping
santorum-smudged
santorum-swilling
sarcasmagoric
sarcasmgasm
sardonica bone
sasquatchtastic
satanic-ish
Sataniness
Satan-in-law
Satanitude
satanosity
sausagefestish
sausage-tight
scapepoodle
scentofawomantaur
Schiavotastic
schlamydia
schmastrophysics
schmanotechnology
schmerebellum
schmigmata
schmobotomy
schmoopiecakes
schmoopieface
schmoopiepants
schmoopology
schmoopsie-poo
schmouch
schmubby-wubby-poo
schmuckadoodledoo
schoolmarmitude
Schtup-a-lobbyistgate
screaming leftist unbiblical liberal
scrotastical
scrotological
scrotumette
scoundrel-osity
scumbagliness
scumbucketface
scum-bucket-head
scumologist
sea donkerella
sea-dweeb
self-besmittenness
self-confoozled
self-depantsifier
self-destructive-y
self-fraking-explanatory
self-hatey
self-wettage
semi-asshat-free
semi-crapola-free
semi-dipshit
semi-hemi-demi-quarterly
semi-moronish
semi-non-normous
semi-nutballish
semi-ok-crappy-esque
semi-pervish
semi-quasi-half-baked
semi-smidgen
semi-spoiledish
semi-suckless
semi-wet-dreaminess
senior exorcist
seniorcitizenfriend
sentientish
serial-haremology
serial intercourser
serial killer-dar
seventeenth banana
sexbombish
sex goddessless
sex-god-type-person
sex-grenade
sexpotbot
sexual genius-dar
Shaqenfreude
shaving-cream penis enema
she-doofus
shish-ka-Mom
shitfacecrap
shitheadess
shitheadface
shitheelette
shit-nuts-itude
shitpantsy
shit-splosive
shit-tastic-ness
shoe-enfreude
shoozbloggery
Short-Shorts Von Buttcheeken
shrivelage
siblingcest
sick-puppy-esque-ness
simperiffic
simul-fuck
singing-frog-itis
site despunkifier
skankamaphone
skankitudinous
skankspionage
skankstache
skanktard
skankularity
skeezeballitude
sketchbally
skinhose
skidmarkalgia
slackassage
slaghimoffgraphy
sleazeballette
sleazetard
sleep like a crack baby
slightly-pseudo-semi-Jennifer-Connelly-like-inspired-ish-esque
slimeballitude
slobberee
slurpitude
smasho-crasho
smegmatacular
smegmatude
smooth move, Shrub-lax
smurfitudinous
smurf stub
smurftarded
smurfwad
smushification
snake-happy
snausage feet syndrome
sneak-assity
snip-snippy
snitfittery
snore-gasmic
snowball's-chance-in-hell-o-meter
snowpoca-geddon
Snuggie derangement syndrome
Snuggie-ological
snug-non-wedgie-giving-full-coverage
snuzzlewumpkins
soap opera villain-y
social-issuey
sociopath-ish
socio-psycho-whatsit
sod-mothering
someone-crapped-in-my-cereal face
someone-is-staring-at-my-ass-dar
something-thy
song-stuck-in-the-headitude
sororitastic
soul-hurty
soulmate-itude
soul-suckee
soul-suckitude
space-porn-themed
spandexical
spandexitude
spasmgasm
spatulagasm
spatula-istic
spatularity
spatula-worthy
spearitation
special agent-tastic
special-forces-y
spec-tastic-tacular-gasm-worthy
speedotastic
spermliness
spermomatic
spermthrower
sperm-wiggle
spiffy-ish-licious
splooshy-splooshy-sploosh
splurgage
spokesdumbass
spokes-fembot
spokesfuckhead
spokesfucktard
spokeshenchman
spokeslunatic
spokesnomad
spokesnutjob
spokesrat
spokescum
spokes-werewolf
spoogebot
spoogeaholic screwpuppet
squaloriffic
squatch-thusiast
squickliness
squicknaciousness
squickometer
squickosity
squicky-icky
stalkerifficness
stank-a-riffic
starlet-hopping
stem-cell-hugger
step-brother-fucker
step-butthead
step in a pile of moron
stepshithead
steroidocracy
stiffify
stigmatalicious
still-tini
stinkboiga
stoner-bedazzling
straightforwardiness
straightjacket-happy
stunt-pope
sub-atomic wedgie
sub-sub-henchmen
succubusless
successfulishness
suckassability
suck-assdom
suck big green hairy monkey balls
suck-buttitude
suckfestacular
suck-fucking-tacular
suck on this pancake
sudden onset Stevie Nicks syndrome
su-diddly-fucking-uck
sugar coma-ness
suitcase pimpette
super-blatherdom
super-boobular
super-duper-nano-choco-thermite
super-duper-robo-thingy-of-doom
super-fantastic-nerdcore-tacular
supergeniusitude
super-grope-y
super-harass-o-matic
super-hoove-y
super-mega-butt-crack-destroying
super-robo-ferret
super-sado-psychokiller
super-ultra-mega-god-like
super-ultra-mega-melty
supervillainistic
swamp-ass-free
swank-o-riffic
Swede-Pizza-Boy-turned-HOT-model-slash-Paris’-boyfie
sweet holy fucking mother of batshit
sweet holy mother of my neighbor’s cat
sweet Matilda's hymen
sweet merciful monkey cheese
sweet merciful Oprah
sweet merciful pancakes
sweet mother of pancakes
sweet Mother Mary on a motorboat
synergy-y
T
takething
tamponistic
tardocracy
technobabblegasm
techno-dweebistic
techno-geekocracy
Ted-Bundy-of-the-month club
teddybearification
teen Christian-porn pop
Tehran-iness
teleportacious
teleportationology
teleprompterrific
tentaclesque
tentaclicious
terroriness
terroristette
testicle-chomping
testicle-ish
testicular guessitude
testicularitiness
testosterone-lactating
testosterone-marinated
testosterone-tainted tootsie
testosteroniness
testosto-bot
testosto-moronic
testosto-rage
thankchristfully
that-guy-palooza
thingahoosits
third-person-osity
thongageddon
thinga-longwordsomethingortheother-majiggy
thongaroos
thongfully
thong-twanging
Thorliness
three-way-o-phobe
throbulent
throw a nutter
throwupitudinous
thumb-thusiast
thumbs-uppiest
thwackitude
tie-to-the-bedable
tight-buttitude
tingly areas
tired-geddon
tire-swing-pocalypse
toasterfucker
toaster whisperer
toe lickage
toiletitude
Tomb Raider mega-boobies syndrome
tongue-bath-worthy
Top Gun-itis
torturetorium
torturiness
totalitariany
tot-tosterone
touchy-gropy
toupeedar
trainwreckaliciously
trashwad
traumatic facelift perma-surprise
Trek-tosterone
trepan-happy
triboobage
tri-boobedness
triboobular
triple-ganger
trou-droppage
trouserwad
trumpety-strumpety
truthinessiness
tupperware-thingy-majigger
turbo-destructo-pup
turbo-doofus
turbo-numbnuts
turbo-phlegm
turbo-pope
turbo-sin
turbo-trollop
Turd-Blossom-gate
turdbuffery
turdbuttface
turdcake
turdfacehead
turdlessness
turdocaust
turdological
turdtastrophe
turkeysploitation
turnedonedness
twat-lite
tweakificating
tweeometer
20-tentacle tango
two-donut-dejellification
TWSSing
U
uber-doofus
uber-suckage
uber-turd-burger
uh-oh-face guy
ultra-mega-kaboom
ultra-mega-lift-no-bounce
ultra-zoomy
unbebunned
unbiggify
un-blah
unbloodified
un-bride-y
unclecest
Uncle Inappropriate-ness
uncleplucker
un-CNBC-like
un-crazifying
undercover pigdar
undergroundy-ish
under-henchling
undernasties
un-diddly-fiddly
undudelike
un-dumbassify
un-flipping-flapping-real
unfuckedupedness
unfucktarditude
un-holiday-ish-esque
unidiotness
unilateral-invasion-mobile
un-Jedi-ishly
un-mega-holy
un-me-ishly
un-Palinated
unpopely
unpornify
un-professional-istic
un-prophetesque
upscale-y
unsex-workerly
unsexyish
un-smurfing-polite
un-starletish
un-Warrior-Princess-like
upfuckery-induced
upownarsitivity
V
vagilina
vampirey-succubusy
Vaticanosity
va-vavoominess
vegetable-travaganza
vend-o-hair
vent fucker
veto-ginity
Vic Mackey-esque
Vic Mackey-ish
Vic Mackey-ness
Vikingologist
visit Feakle parish
voodoo-istical
VPILFtastic
vulva-savvy
W
wa-boing
wack-assage
wackassitude
wadbreath
wadwipe
wallowlicious
wangitude
wankerdar
wankeristical
wankerologist
wankerwad
wankitudinous
wankosity
warlordiness
warlorditude
Warrior Princess-esque
wedgie-resistant
weebies
Weird Al-esque-ness-ism
weirdo-dar
were-proctologist
wet-blanket-ish
wet sock for brain
whackaloonism
whackopath
Whackjobistan
whatchamacrap
whatchama-doo-jobby
whateverdoodle
whatever-doodle-mutt
whatevershippy
whatever-whatever-ology
whatsitology
what-the-bleepishness
What-the-frak-is-going-onsville
what-the-fuckometer
whelm scale
Where-the-fuck-istan
which-way-did-he-go-George-ing
whiffle-fluffer-blissed-outiest
whipped like rabid skunks
whirly-twirly-leapy-flippy
white-knuckle-can’t-put-it-downedness
white-trashtacular
whoa-itude
whocaresified
who-knows-what-ectomy
who-the-fuck-cares-edness
whuckwhuckwhucking
why-the-heck-are-we-still-talking-about-this-gate
wienerhuahua
wig lumpage
wimpery
wingnutdar
wipewad
wolfshit insane
womanpanzee
women's-magazine-y
woohooery
WOOHOOHUZZAHOMGYAY
worth-ish-y
WTFOMGTMDTLAARGBBQ?! face
WTF-osity
X
Xena-phobic
Xenu-tastic
Y
yakketyblog
yam-oriented
yap-yap-yappering
yokelosity
Yokocaust
your-mum-in-a-jar-ologist
yuck-bomb
Z
zombie-dar
zombie-ess
zombitudinous
zombocracy
zookeeper-mauling
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