Wednesday, December 01, 2010

gross-dog-poop-all-over-my-block syndrome

noun phrase. A condition that seems nasty till you catch gross-dog-poop-all-over-my-face syndrome.

Real citation: "If people can get wind turbine syndrome from living near wind turbines, does that mean I have gross-dog-poop-all-over-my-block syndrome?"
(Nov. 15, 2010,
Hallie Haglund, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I believe I can cure gross-dog-poop-all-over-my-block syndrome with new legislation: If you get caught not picking up your dog's deuce, that deuce will be inserted into your hiney. You're welcome, America."

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


noun. Can someone please give this procedure to Christian Bale before the next Batman?

Real citation: "@saiwilcken Sounds li ke you need a psychopathic-homicidal-voice-ectomy instead."
(Nov. 7, 2010,
Dasher Hillier, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Every year, dozens of doctors perform psychopathic-homicidal-voice-ectomies on patients who were supposed to receive flu shots."

Wednesday, November 03, 2010


noun. Also known as "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Real citation: "I'm downloading all my steam games in preparation for the upcoming no-internet-pocalypse :x"
(Oct. 24, 2010,
John Blanton, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Few can survive a no-internet-pocalypse. I read somewhere that the heart can't pump blood without at least 5 Googles a day."

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

war crimesy

adj. Yes, Virginia, you can commit atrocities and be folksy too.

Real citation: "Oh, big deal, Rumsfeld lied and was an eensy bit war crimesy. At least he didn't make Americans feel bad by apologizin'!"
(Oct. 26, 2010, Tweetin4Palin, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "When your kindergartner wins 'Most War crimesy,' it might be time to consider selling him to hobos."

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


noun. No f-bombs here. Move along, please.

Real citation: "Anyway, assuming you did intend to post it here: a. Deb and Lundy are (were) both detectives working on homicides. Their world is not one of social niceties and refinement. Regardless of the fact that Lundy didn't swear much himself, I'd be very surprised if he cared about such matters. He saw far, far much worse in life than someone dropping the f-bomb, or any of Deb's equally colourful other-letter-bombs."
(Nov. 2, 2009, "If I Had a Hammer" 2009.11.01," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "I am the master of other-letter-bombs. I just threw the q-bomb yesterday, and it was a rhetorical triumph."

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


adj. Gobsmacked; flummoxed; dingsquizzled; confuzzled; mindfucked.

Real citation: "I've seen two episodes past this one, so I now know what's up with the mysterious figure clambering into Hank's attic while he plays the guitar in the final scene. But at the time I watched that scene, I was completely dumb-squizzled."
(Sept. 22, 2010, Alan Sepinwall, HitFix,

Made-up citation: "I have never felt more dumb-squizzled than I do right now. I need to see a squizzling specialist."

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Breaking Bad-y

adj. A great quality in a TV show; a shit-ass quality in a life.

Real citation: "And here’s where 'Fustercluck' turns Breaking Bad-y. Hank and Britt come roaring onto the airfield, dangling the key that they swiped from Lindus’ safe, and demanding that the would-be-bail-jumper come with them to open the safety deposit box that matches said key. There they find a document related to The Montague—a document that puts Lindus’ life in danger. Lindus promptly distracts the P.I.s for a second and takes off running. Very comical. Then he gets hit by a car. Very shocking. Then he stumbles into Hank’s house, saying, 'I’m going to take a nittle lap.' Pretty funny. And then he just dies. He up and dies."
(Sept. 29, 2010, Noel Murray, The A.V. Club,,45682/)

Made-up citation: "I agree that Terriers is a bit Breaking Bad-y, and I think Breaking Bad is a little Shield-y. Also, I am a tad get-a-life-y."

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


interjection. "Gee whiz" got knocked up a notch.

Real citation: "I just invented the term gee-la-freaking-wheez. You may use it if you pay the proper royalities on it."
(Sept. 21, 2010, Erin Ann McBride, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "'Gee-la-freaking-wheez!' is an appropriate reaction when a Yeti or your mom uses your couch as a powder room."

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


adj. Warning: May involve hype.

Real citation: "Blowing through the other 20 teams: I have the over-over-over-overhyped Ravens (just as shaky a defense as New England, not as good an offense), Cowboys (we'll tackle them later) and Texans (the NFL's Tom Cavanagh in that everyone likes them, but they can't seem to find a hit show) as overvalued; the Panthers, Lions and Raiders as undervalued; the Rams, Bills, Broncos, Seahawks, Bucs and Bears as the league's doormats; and the Jags, Titans, Chiefs and Browns treading water. So I'm wagering accordingly."
(Sept. 9, 2010, Bill Simmons,,

Made-up citation: "I feel wearing pants is over-over-over-hyped. My people need to breathe the sweet air of freedom, and by 'my people' I mean my balls."

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


adj. Where language and teeth meet.

Real citation: "A dentolinguistic abomination. RT @guan The NYU dental plan for students is called Stu-Dent."
(Sept. 8, 2010,
UffishL, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "A dentolinguistic expert is the mortal enemy of an anti-dentite, according to toothologists."

Wednesday, September 08, 2010


noun. A nether-region-geddon that got hairy.

Real citation: "Sasha Grey… appeared naked on last night’s 'Entourage' and caused quite the commotion among the show’s dude-bro contingent. Not because she was naked on-camera… but because she went naked with a full-on bush. Judging from the resulting hysteria on Twitter, it was the Pube-pocalypse."
(Aug. 12, 2010, Newsgab,

Made-up citation: "After rewatching Borat, I am certain that the long-prophesied pube-pocalypse will take place in Kazakhstan."

Wednesday, September 01, 2010


noun. A condition common among women and raccoons.

Real citation: "Elizabeth suffers from a serious case of too-much-eyeliner-itis #bachelorpad"
(Aug. 9, 2010,
Dina Fierro, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I'm not really an expert on women's grooming. Can you cure too-much-eyeliner-itis with vajazzling?"

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Casual Friday-ization

noun. A process that, if unchecked, may eventually include a Hawaiian shirt.

Real citation: "In Which the Casual Friday-ization of the Entire Freakin' World Reaches Its Logical Conclusion"
(July 28, 2010, Paul Lukas, Uni Watch,

Made-up citation: "You say, 'You're pantless, Mr. Peters!' I say, 'You can't handle Casual Friday-ization. Can you, Officer?'"

Friday, August 20, 2010


noun. Sofasexuals know what I'm talking about.

Real citation: "Z Gallerie (downtown LB and yes, that's how its spelled) going out business.. Everything 50% -70% off!! Furniture-gasm"
(Aug. 18, 2010, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I had three furniture-gasms last night. In some cultures, I'd already be married to that futon."

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


noun. Could have something to do with a color. Or a wine. Or the finest anchorman who ever lived.

Real citation: "Its all burgundy-y-ish-ness and stuffs xD Going to the Waterfront Music Festival in downtown NBPT today to..."
(July 10, 2010,
Stephie Lupin, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I'm always in the mood for Ron Burgundy-y-ish-ness. And cinnamon rolls. That's just how I was raised."

Monday, August 16, 2010


noun. A genre I enjoy, because of the me, me, me, me, and me.

Real citation: "@kspidel I went on d defense reading your tweet as I am occasionally accused of twitter self-sploitation. I skank out for fun, not followers"
(Aug. 12, 2010, DC Debbie, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I wonder if I'm guilty of self-sploitation. I guess, in retrospect, the whole world didn't need to know about every contemptible sexual act your mom has talked me into. Live and learn!"

Friday, August 13, 2010


noun. A multidisciplinary expert who knows almost nothing of poo-poo or duck butter.

Real citation: "RT @FloBlitz: If u sneeze while peeing, the pee stops until the sneeze is over! #FYI <-Sneez-o-PeePee-ologist"
(July 19, 2010, Kel Spencer, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Man, I would've been a great sneez-o-peepee-ologist. Why'd I have to go into dentistry? Even when I throw in a free exorcism, teeth are a freakin' bore."

Thursday, August 12, 2010


noun. Another name for the awesome-fu I used on your daddy, your mama, and your polar bear.

Real citation: "I knew he was a bastard, but even so, I couldn't quite believe that Arlo pulled a gun on his son. Speaking of which, I really loved TO's reading of 'Don't call me that' immediately afterward - the cold, disbelieving understatement in his voice was perfect. (On an entirely different note, 'You didn't happen to bring your rocket launcher, didya?' had me laughing so hard I startled the pets. Heh.) And what the hell was that ninja-judo-whajitsu move Raylan did to kill Bo's minion, grab his gun and then kick and catch the gun out of Bo's hand? Whoa."
(June 8, 2010, whiteotter, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Don't bring ninja-judo-whajitsu to a ninja-judo-nuke-o fight. Rookie mistake."

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


noun. Kaboom-iness.

Real citation: "@janellum or would that be splode-itude?"
(June 29, 2010, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Splode-itude is a great quality in a hand grenade, yet not so great in a blueberry scone."

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

nether nozzle

noun. Depending on your culture, you may know it as a ding-ding, ding-a-ling, ding-dong, or purple-headed Yul Brynner impersonator.

Real citation: "6:27 p.m. Three teenage hitchhikers at L.K. Wood Boulevard and 14th Street freeway onramp may or may not have enhanced their chances at getting a ride when one lifted his shirt and licked his nipple, then unveiled his nether nozzle. These acts apparently scattered the populace, as no one was there when police arrived."
(May 26, 2010, Kevin L. Hoover, The Arcata Eye,

Made-up citation: "Dudes, don't take it so personally when they neuter your dog. Balls go bye-bye, but it's not like they take his nether nozzle too."

Monday, August 09, 2010


noun. A Hitchcockian nightmare that could ruffle some feathers.

Real citation: "Jesus christ some spilled dog food in the target parking lot, its seagull-mageddon."
(Aug. 6, 2010,
Miranda McCeig, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "A seagull-mageddon often leads to a vulture-pocalypse. You see, nature is like Big Bird on crystal meth."

Friday, August 06, 2010


noun. Finally, a society I can respect.

Real citation: "@Velourian A porkchop-ocracy?"
(June 9, 2010,
Holly Cruise, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "So far, porkchop-ocracy has been a success in every country and kitchen where it has been tried, if you forget about that pesky little string-bean genocide in 1981."

Thursday, August 05, 2010

dog toy squeaker-ectomy

noun. A procedure all vets are taught, in addition to how to weave a fine sweater out of hairballs.

Real citation: "@KristinaFields ah! the dog toy squeaker-ectomy.. so good!!"
(July 2, 1010, Kristy Perez, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Luckily, I've never had to do a dog toy squeaker-ectomy on my dog. He only eats orphan parts, which seem to go down smooth."

Wednesday, August 04, 2010


noun. A keen device, capable of detecting a certain movie-ruining critter.

Real citation: "@djeffcoate Rare occasions, when his Ewok-ometer is filled. Poor pastry lady. He's preparing an oven as we speak.."
(July 28, 2010,
Rhys Turner, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "My mama told me, 'Don't try to catch a Klingon with an Ewok-ometer.' She also told me to stay away from the goats and my cousins. You know how mothers are!"

Tuesday, August 03, 2010


verb. Something the police keep requesting I do to myself, for SOME reason.

Real citation: "Un-naked-ifying another character: Next up: the quest to find reference pics for pants."
(July 28, 2010, Ellie Coral, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I never enjoy the un-naked-ifying process. Self-de-pants-ifying is so much more American."

Monday, August 02, 2010


noun. Closely related to the hoobie-woobies.

Real citation: "@le_Hutin That's 'Flanderese'. When we march, we can mock Flanders with diddly-doos and ingly-tinglies."
(July 30, 2010, Carson Fire, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Nothing gives me the ingly-tinglies quite like _______. Send $50 and I'll fill in the blank."

Friday, July 30, 2010


noun. Possibly the worst thing in the world, besides pea soup and your mom.

Real citation: "@mzsazzygirl I am hyper and full of insomnia-osity! lol, how are you? <>"
(July 27, 2010, Shyla Casey, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Oh how I hate insomnia-osity! I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Well, maybe Dr. Vargas. That butt dumpling has it coming."

Thursday, July 29, 2010


noun. Possibly the most traumatic Christy-centric event since the Christy-geddon.

Real citation: "Cell has gone missing and calling it is not an option as the power on it has drained. Christy-pocalypse has commenced! eeek!"
(July 25, 2010, JediGoddess, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I think a fun thing for the Pope to do would be to replace Christmas with
Christy-pocalypse. Who's with me?"

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


noun. A stoner with 3,000,000 joints--er, Twitter followers.

Real citation: "Which Celebu-Pothead Was Busted Again?"
(July 17, 2010, Upper Republic,

Made-up citation: "Who is the next great celebu-pothead of our time? I feel like Woody Harrelson might be almost ready to retire."

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


noun. A good death. A good death indeed.

Real citation: "Innocent smoothie-tastrophe! In my hair, down my bra and up the wall. Refreshing."
(July 18, 2010, Jenny Phin, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I would never cry over spilt milk, but a smoothie-tastrophe? I would be rubble. Rubble!"

Monday, July 26, 2010


adj. One way to describe a geekgasm.

Real citation: "I made a flip-book with Edgar Wright today at Scott Pilgrim Experience at Comic-Con. Knives and Ramona made me a t-shirt. Me, geekphoric."
(July 23, 2010, Jeff Jensen, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Inception left me feeling decidedly geekphoric. Also, I am never sleeping again."

Friday, July 23, 2010


noun. A crime rarely seen these days. Now there's an upside to unemployment.

Real citation: "Since I already used the 'Slowest News Day of 2010 Headline' barely a month ago, consider this the second slowest news day of 2010. And then thank Kevin Spacey for daring to enliven it by agreeing to star as one of the title characters in Horrible Bosses, the Seth Gordon employer-icide comedy also featuring Jennifer Aniston, Jason Bateman, Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx. Shooting gets underway next month."
(June 28, 2010, , Hollywood Ink,

Made-up citation: "Is employer-icide for you? Buy a big knife today and find out."

Thursday, July 22, 2010


adj. This describes, possibly, the worst superpower of all.

Real citation: "Just spotted a Superman who's not donut-proof. #SDCC"
(July 22, 2010, Patton Oswalt, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Sadly, none of my orifices is donut-proof. Shut up, it's a condition."


noun. Wow. And I thought sleep-sexing was sexy.

Real citation: "@AshkeSV No, I'm a sleep-bacon-eater. *totally sounds like a @DrDoofenshmirtz invention*"
(July 19, 2010, WendySparrow, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I come from a long line of sleep-bacon-eaters.
Also, there were some sleep-pig-plookers on my mom's side. So that evens out."

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


noun. A valid reason to consult your doctor and change your underoos.

Real citation: "I have a serious case of 'JizzEverytimeISeeMenInSuits-itis'."
(July 19, 2010, Tumblr,

Made-up citation: "Since I never wear a suit, I am rarely the cause of JizzEverytimeISeeMenInSuits-itis. However, I have eight different types of cootie."

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


noun. I know in my gut that bugs have something to do with this.

Real citation: "Yes elitist eggheads it's not 'bug scientists,' I was just talkin' Real American. I know they're gastroentermologists."
(July 20, 2010,
SP GhostTweeter, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I never use gastroentermologists. If the exorcist can't fix it, it can't be fixed, and I sell the remains on Craigslist."


adj. Looking back, ew!

Real citation: "morning. Really want a sugary syrupy sickly not-very-coffee-y retrospectively-pretty-nasty-y-ish starbucks right now."
(July 16, 2010, Sam Martlew, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "So much of life is retrospectively-pretty-nasty-y-ish. However, the situation improves among populations that have a non-boning policy regarding your mom."

Monday, July 19, 2010


noun. An important period in the life of a child.

Real citation: "how blinded these post satan-ization post 1968 Western value hippy pastors are; & are being used by Satan to spread his humanist manifesto"
(July 1, 2010, Missionary Japan, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I'm enjoying my post-Satan-ization years very much. I am so lucky Oprah came into my life."

Friday, July 16, 2010


verb. To super-mega-hella-deep-dish-lie. With a side dish of prevarication.

Real citation: "So he smiles, giving the deal away completely, then instantly switches gears and just turbo-lies right into the camera. I thought: this is just like politics! A terrible, totally unskilled liar, telling a completely transparent lie, who then improbably gets let off the hook by the sycophantic moron interviewing him. What is it about this story we love so much?"
(July 11, 2010, Matt Taibbi,

Made-up citation: "I'm not good at turbo-lies... I need to be honest. Except about your mom. Swear to God, I can't even picture her in a brothel!"

Thursday, July 15, 2010


verb. To remove brotherly influence from a place, like a bedroom, gazebo, or Cylon baseship.

Real citation: "Hello twitterland!! ...I'm bored. But I'm going to be unbrother-ifying the room upstairs today :D Yeeee! Maybe I'll paint! Woohoo!"
(July 10, 2010, Tess M, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "As an only child, I know nothing of unbrother-ifying. It's a gap in my resume, I grant you."

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


noun. A trained professional in the art and science of hoo-ha-itude.

Real citation: "@yattalxndr lmao.. If secretions are on them.. Free clinic might not do it.. Might need a Vagizzle-ologist"
(June 17, 2010, Dave Black, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Don't bring a vagizzle-ologist to a vajazzle-ologist fight. I don't know who would win, but I'd just avoid the whole mess, personally."

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


adj. Moderately to severely ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-ized.

Real citation: "Will they play a vuvuzela-ified version of 'Jai Ho!' in the stadium if Di Maria scores? #SlumdogMadridista"
(July 3, 2010,
Saajid, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "My mother always vuvuzela-ified my lullabies. It was very odd, even for a family of bees."

Monday, July 12, 2010


adj. Truthful. Forthright. Un-BS-ish.

Real citation: "It’s a very direct way. It’s a no-bullshit way, non-pretend-y way to do this kind of thing."
(Louis C.K., The Onion A.V. Club,,42621/)

Made-up citation: "How, by the sweet balls of Odin, did I miss Louis C.K. till now? He is the most wonderful, funny, understated, non-pretend-y comedian ever--he's already my all-time second favorite after George Carlin. Bonus: he is a licensed go-eat-a-bag-of-dicks-ologist."

Friday, July 09, 2010


noun. Hey, faucets are erotic, man. Don't judge.

Real citation: "@MarioMano Um no. Sink-gasm anyone? Their kitchens and bathrooms and storage ideas and furniture (shall I continue?) are to die for."
(July 3, 2010, NatMcNaz, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "My sink is so nasty, I think I'd catch an STD if I had a sink-gasm. Abstinence-only, baby!"

Thursday, July 08, 2010


noun. One of the greatest qualities a man in spandex can have.

Real citation: "When Twitter goes down, I just assume that @anniemal is making declarations of Batman-itude over the PA system"
(June 9, 2010, Bradley R, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Don't question my Batman-itude, dude! You don't hear me questioning your Aquaman-osity."

Wednesday, July 07, 2010


noun. A hater of President-haters and descendant of the Nixonphobe-phobe.

Real citation: "This Palinphobe is also an Obamaphobe-phobe :)"
(July 3, 2010,
Kara Azevedo, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I just wish Obamaphobe-phobes and Obamaphobe-phobe-phobes could get along. That's the kind of Obamaverse I want to live in."

Tuesday, July 06, 2010


noun. A painful procedure, right up there with the wizard's-hat-ectomy.

Real citation: "@MsClara A wizard's-sleeve-otomy!"
(June 29, 2010,
Huw Lynd-Evans, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I hope my wizard's-sleeve-otomy goes well. I look pretty weird for a butler."

Monday, July 05, 2010


noun. One ding-dong diddly doozy of a thingy.

Real citation: "at this luncheon thingy-majiggy-bobdoohicky-thang-thang with the biggie ;) just took a pic with him an that was FAAAAST..."
(June 30, 2010, Stephanie Garcia, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Can I borrow your
thingy-majiggy-bobdoohicky-thang-thang? I think I left mine in your mom."

Friday, July 02, 2010


noun. A famous lookalike. Kind of like your mom and John Goodman.

Real citation: "@tjaugustin You're tweeting your celebu-twin! That's too mind-warpy!"
(June 21, 2010,
Alexander Saleh, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "If I had a celebu-twin, maybe I'd finally get some use out of my celebu-dungeon and celebu-bayonet. Alas!"

Thursday, July 01, 2010

beef plunger

noun. In my family, we call it the salami squeegee.

Real citation: "I love having evil inside me because that's what we nicknamed his beef plunger."
(June 25, 2010, blondediva11, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Never trust a man till you've slammed his beef plunger in the window."

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


adj. Sort of like being be-Khaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn!-ed.

Real citation: "nice mentions of my stuff in your piece on be-Shatnered expletives. thanks."
(June 28, 2010, Arnold Zwicky, private email)

Made-up citation: "Better a be-Shatnered voice than be-poopooed pants, as Oprah says."

Tuesday, June 29, 2010


noun. A position I aspire to, as soon as Christina Hendricks accepts my proposal and calls off those snipers.

Real citation: "@wordnik, I -in-law those. My wife's dog is my dog-in-law. She doesn't have a beard, but she does have a beard-in-law (mine)."
(June 23, 2010, Michael Waddell, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "In Oregon, if you shave a beard-in-law, you are legally entitled to a free puppy."

Monday, June 28, 2010


noun. A device that, for some reason, keeps beeping as I talk about my anal bleaching and how the whitening of my cornhole makes me feel.

Real citation: "@SimonBishop Colour me utterly fucking horrified. Is your too-much-information-ometer malfunctioning?"
(June 19, 2010, Sarah Boo Shoe, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "The world would be a better place with affordable too-much-information-ometers. They could prevent me from telling you the full, unvarnished truth about my pee-pee."

Friday, June 25, 2010


adj. Sure to be a hot trend sometime after 8-D goes out of style.

Real citation: "If the Library of Congress really wants its Twitter archive availible to far future generations, they should make it 'cockroach-readable.'"
(June 23, 2010,
Peter-john Byrnes, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "My articles have always been cockroach-readable, because I think ahead. Also, my great-great-grand-dad was some kind of bug."

Thursday, June 24, 2010


noun. Crapkind.

Real citation: "Oh the poo-manity."
(Feb. 5, 2010, Lindsay Maddox, Silly Mom Thoughts,

Made-up citation: "Don't bring pee-manity to a poo-manity fight."


noun. Such a tragic, senseless act. Wouldn't your-mom-icide be better?

Real citation: "Hanging on the front porch, watching it rain. Seriously pondering woodchuck-icide - 2 bean bushes and a tomato plant taken down to roots #fb"
(June 10, 2010, Bill Jankowski, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I could never commit woodchuck-icide. Never! My killing sprees have given you the wrong idea."

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

beer pump elbow

noun phrase. A painful condition, though not as ouch-y as post-traumatic no-beer syndrome.

Real citation: "J says he's suffering from Beer Pump Elbow as a result of @LarkCrafts #Etsy party yesterday. Send help."
(June 19, 2010, Bruisin' Ales, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Not sure if this pain is beer pump elbow or tennis elbow... Does anyone know if I'm an athlete or an alcoholic?"

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

evil scientist-istic

adj. Unholy experimentation much?

Real citation: "Guess its better than those evil scientist-istic lab coats KHQ once made their staffers wear....."
(June 18, 2010, Amanda Emily, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "If I hadn't flunked my evil scientist-istic coursework, I bet my death ray would be more death-y. Sigh."

Monday, June 21, 2010


adj. The highest praise that can be bestowed upon a sporting event, short of a free harem for the winner.

Real citation: "For such a ballyhooed series, the 2010 Finals haven’t met our (impossibly high, admittedly) expectations. I'd compare it to Season 5 of 'The Wire' – tons of hype going in, entertaining/dramatic/compelling/intense in the moment, but as a finished body of work leading up to the final episode? Like the lead-up episodes in Season 5, the lead-up games of the 2010 Finals didn't reach their potential. Like Season 5, we didn’t see a main character peak for an extended time (with the exception of Ray Allen’s first half of Game 2 and Kobe’s third quarter in Game 5). Like Season 5, we didn’t have a 'WOW!' moment along the lines of… (sorry, I can’t spoil Season 5’s 'WOW!' moment). And like Season 5, none of those first six Finals games were espnclassicable (I just made up that word). Which is kind of amazing. If we don’t get there tonight, will we end up considering the 2010 Finals something of a historical lemon? Possibly."
(June 17, 2010, Bill Simmons,,

Made-up citation: "I don't care what you say, my pillow fights are all espnclassicable. However, my thumb-wrestling career has been a disappointment."

Friday, June 18, 2010


noun. See below--if you haven't been killed or de-spectacled by rock-wielding savages yet.

Real citation: "2. I confessed to Jay today that one of my recurring worries is that I will time travel to ancient times and not be able to keep my glasses safe and hidden. He invented the term 'anachrospectalithophobia': fear of being stoned to death for wearing glasses before they were invented."
(June 11, 2010, Green Moon Pax,

Made-up citation: "As a glasses-wearer and time-machine-haver, I am concerned about anachrospectalithophobia. Soon I will test my hypothesis that it can be cured through beer."

Thursday, June 17, 2010


verb. Bashing the Buddha.

Real citation: "(646):
I tried to meditate and ended up masturbating.

You mean you meditate-bated."
(June 15, 2010, Best Sexts Ever,

Made-up citation: "I've never had the patience to meditate-bate. Well, maybe some quick prayer-bation on Sunday."

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

diet root beer-ology

noun. And I thought my grad school experience was a waste.

Real citation: "@repressd or diet root beer-ology"
(June 11, 2010, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I think I could contribute something to the field of diet root beer-ology, like pee."

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


noun. This makes jimmy legs seem like coma legs.

Real citation: "can't having a twitch-a-thon-orama. thus the many a bit hyper."
(June 8, 2010, Rose Strazzeri, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "It's hell sleeping next to someone going through a twitch-a-thon-orama. That's why a smart sleeper doesn't hit the sheets without their favorite ax tucked under a pillow."

Monday, June 14, 2010


noun. I know something about this condition. My cousin Billy has been eating nothing but brides and honey mustard since 1978.

Real citation: "2 more hours until dinner at Leon. I'm HHUUUNNNNGGRRRRYYYYYYYY. Stupid bride-o-rexia."
(June 11, 2010,
Mary-Rose Agius, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I won't rest until bride-o-rexia is cured. Well, maybe a quick nap..."

Friday, June 11, 2010


noun. Sometimes a clusterfuck and a fuckin' catastrophe have a beautiful baby bumblefuck.

Real citation: "Nuking the oil spill... Totally sensationalizing an already sensational Clust-tastrophe of the highest order."
(June 3, 2010,
Andrew Contreras, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I've gotten to the point where I expect every first date to be a clust-tastrophe. If it turns out to be only a crapocalypse, I'm so relieved."

Thursday, June 10, 2010


noun. USA!-USA!-ization.

Real citation: "@Ravin_robboo haha u like my patriotic-ification? haha i was bored"
(June 7, 2010, Lizzy XP, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Do you like the
patriotic-ification of my junk? I tattooed the flag on my left ball. I'm saving the right for a portrait of Reagan, FYI."

Wednesday, June 09, 2010


noun. Can man-vajazzling fix this?

Real citation: "@jjfugleberg Thanks man. I'm glad to have joined the ranks of old-balls-itude. How's Kentucky today?"
(Feb. 5, 2010, John Nelson, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "It never bugs me to contemplate my old-balls-itude. I just thank Jesus he spared me--for one more day--the prospect of laminated-balls-itude."

Tuesday, June 08, 2010


adj. A feeling all can relate to yet few can define. Yes, that's a cop-out. So's your face.

Real citation: "@wordlust just things, the other ones make me feel all jiggyzigglewinky"
(June 5, 2010, Elana, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I haven't felt jiggyzigglewinky all year. Should I call my doctor?"

Monday, June 07, 2010


noun. A Ned Flanders-style turd.

Real citation: "For Yer Poppa, it's been a life of dooks, dookies, duchesses, droppin' ducats, dukin' it out and bustin' some duke-diddly-ookies. But seriously, until I beheld what a crap movie this Marmaduke appears to be, it had never occurred to me that a 'marmaduke' could be a 'huge shit.' Thank you. It'll be there when you need it."
(June 3, 2010, Pop Cesspool,

Made-up citation: "Don't bring a duke-diddly-ookie to a nuke-diddly-ookie fight."