Monday, May 31, 2010


noun. The holy grail of crotchular curation.

Real citation: "@wordlust A groinicure. Isn't it what we all want?"
(May 31, 2010,
Jill Elswick, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Whether I need it or not, I get a
groinicure every Memorial Day. You're welcome, America."


adj. A word used often in summer and/or hell.

Real citation: "@addknitter I imagine it's even sweltering-ier in Athens."
(May 26, 2010, spillyjane, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I don't know why my basement is sweltering-ier than my attic, unless it's those hellish flames acting up again..."

Friday, May 28, 2010


noun. A terrible majiggy! Please, let's not dwell on it.

Real citation: "@mokpow i think i'll watch with a pitchfork and a tv-destroying-thingy-majiggy weapon next week. :)"
(March 20, 2010,
Angela Gabrielle, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "The only thing worse than a tv-destroying-thingy-majiggy would be a beer-destroying-thingy-majiggy. Don't get any ideas, science!"

Thursday, May 27, 2010

soul matey-eyed

adj. A more barfy form of goo-goo eyes.

Real citation: "I brought a blanket, says Charlie. And of course, it's he and Claire who get all soul matey–eyed. Which is totally confusing, because wasn't Charlie ALREADY enlightened? Wasn't that the whole point of him driving Desmond off the bridge?"
(May 24, 2010, Emily Nussbaum, New York,

Made-up citation: "I thought I was the master of getting all soul matey-eyed with the ladies. Then I went to the ophthalmologist, and he cleared that mess up."

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


adj. A lovely period in a monster's life that is mostly free of torch-wielding villagers.

Real citation: "@chicotherobot me too!! pre-monster-ization"
(May 21, 2010, Katie Johnson, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I miss my pre-monster-ization phase... Some days, I just don't feel like killing everything I see, you know?"

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Betty Bringer-downer

noun. The real reason Archie chose Veronica?

Real citation: "I hate to be Betty Bringer-downer, but maybe we should talk about things we didn't like about the show."
(May 24, 2010, Liz Kelly, Celebritology 2.0,

Made-up citation: "I've never been a Betty Bringer-downer. I'm more of an Orville Organ-stealer. Sorry about that."

Monday, May 24, 2010


noun. Finally, medicine came up with something useful.

Real citation: “I wonder if it would be possible to give the guy upstairs a douchebag-otomy? Or should that be a douchebag-ectomy? You know what I mean.”
(May 19, 2010, James R, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Never do a lobotomy when a douchebag-otomy will suffice. Well, unless you're in one of those moods, Dr. Vargas."

Friday, May 21, 2010


noun. Literally or metaphorically, a disaster-mageddon.

Real citation: "@cnevett yes but conflict + crazy call in factor? Trainwreck splosion"
(May 13, 2010, Sean Witzke, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Some say my love life is a Cylonoscopy or trainwreck-splosion. Nonsense. You're being much too hard on your mom."

Thursday, May 20, 2010


noun. The most invasive procedure in all of Cylonology.

Real citation: "For more in-depth internal scans for problems, there's the ever-dreaded ...Cylonoscopy."
(Feb. 25, 2007, Colonial Fleets,

Made-up citation: "I'm a bad fan... I can never remember what episode Dr. Baltar gave a Cylonoscopy to Col. Tigh in the men's room."

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


noun. A film genre or sandwich that any self-respecting cheese would hide from his mother.

Real citation: "@PapaZeb doode, have you seen 'bitch Slap'? awesome movie in a pure cheese-sploitation way"
(May 13, 2010, Barry Neeson, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "You don't have to be lactose intolerant to think cheese-sploitation films are crap. This goes way beyond dairy, unless you consider Sandra Bullock a dairy product."

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


noun. Wheels of the damned. I mean, the dumb. Duh.

Real citation: "A TransAm’s inherent awesomeness was kicked up a significant notch with an impressive burnout demonstration (a symbolic representation of the young buffoon’s ever-so-agile sperm motility, though he likely wasn’t thinking about that, or much else) at Sunset and Western avenues. But the symbolic display of reproductive prowess took a humiliating plummet when the mouth-breathermobile slammed into a fire hydrant, unleashing a prematurely orgasmic fountain of wa-wa. As the dethroned cock-o’-the-block scurried away like a scared kitten in his crumpled chariot, an angered neighbor phoned police with a profanity-peppered report of the incident. As emergency forces sped to the scene, police handily located the slammed TransAm going nowhere fast on Boyd Road. Burnout Boy was returned to the scene to face the music, which took the form of police radios and a witness saying something along the lines of, 'Yeah, that’s him.' The on-call Public Works tech responded and turned off the water."
(May 13, 2010, Kevin L. Hoover, The Arcata Eye,

Made-up citation: "Don't get between a mouth-breather and his mouth-breathermobile--unless you have a nice sharp knife."

Monday, May 17, 2010


noun. Come on, do I have to do everything for you people?

Real citation: "How come the #Halliburton Gulf Oil-geddon doesn't have a cool name, like Gulf Oil-gedden, or Oil-gate, or Halliburtonoilpocolypse?"
(May 12, 2010, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I wish Halliburtonoilpocalypse had more of a ring to it... I could use a name for my unborn child."

Friday, May 14, 2010

John Goodman-ishness

noun. A quality only one person possesses in abundance: your mom. I apologize to John Goodman for any offense this causes.

Real citation: "@SuperEddie Is it my imagination, or does your new Twitter icon have a somewhat John Goodman-ishness to it"
(Feb. 1, 2010,
Melanie MacSmiley, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "One of the many pleasures of The Big Lebowski is the ample amount of John Goodman-ishness. Plus, you know, everything."

Thursday, May 13, 2010


adj. Like Ecclesiastical, but more end-y-ish.

Real citation: "Conclusiastical remarks
Hopefully, some of the high-profile athletes in Vancouver will do a similar service to the old, the squishy and the dimwitted by adjusting their current campaign of shame against the unexceptional. Until they learn to play down their physical fitness and warmth and charm, though, they're going to do enormous damage to the morale of millions of regular, ugly, unfunny, stupid Americans. It needs to stop. Today, we draw a line in the snow and say: No more!"
(Feb. 21, 2010, Heather Havrilesky, Salon,

Made-up citation: "I think 'series finale event' is a silly term for the last episode of Lost. Why not 'conclusiastical clusterfuck'? Come on, marketers!"

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


adj. Referring to a tough period in the life of a tortured artist, unlucky pro wrestler, or anyone unfortunate enough to spend a night with your mom.

Real citation: "@AllisonJessica well, it's obvs Van Gogh. and i'm going to say it's that self-portrait he did... post-ear-ectomy."
(May 11, 2010, Andrew Sell, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "If your spouse-to-be insists on including the word 'post-ear-ectomy' in your wedding vows, it might be a good time to run for your life or start wearing your Iron Man helmet to bed."

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


noun. Not the most respected academic field. It does rank higher than your-mom-ologist.

Real citation: "@CurrieTerrell Don't they know you're a ChakaKhan-ologist?"
(April 14, 2010,
Justin Biegger, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "My mom always wanted me to be a ChakaKhan-ologist... Maybe that's because Chaka Khan is my mom. It was hard growing up with the other kids constantly screaming 'Khaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn!'"

Monday, May 10, 2010


noun. Photo-dumbassitude.

Real citation: ".@munchious Oh no! Our President is guilty of photo-eejitry! And at Gerry Ryan's funeral! #awfuleejit"
(May 6, 2010, Kate Horgan, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I'm barely capable of photography, much less photo-eejitry. Being stupid is awesome."

Friday, May 07, 2010


noun. I'm so smooth, I don't need to define this word. Also, I'm drunk.

Real citation: "I heard the sys reqs really aren't that steep. It just appears that way because of smooth-ification-itude (can't remember technical word for it)."
(March 4, 2010, Nuklear Power Forums,

Made-up citation: "I never studied smooth-ification-itude in college... Too many seminars on the Klingon haiku poets and great Russian Connect Four masters..."

Thursday, May 06, 2010


adj. Awesomesauce to the fifth power.

Real citation: "This episode was super-kick-ass-double-whammy awesome. Which is to say I enjoyed it very much."
(May 3, 2010, "3-7: "One Minute" 2010.05.02," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Might check out Revolution Brewing today. We'll see how their beer rates on a scale of super-kick-ass-double-whammy to your mom."

Wednesday, May 05, 2010


noun. Something I possess in abundance, along with iced orphan tears.

Real citation: "@AdamDamnLazzara Tell 'em to be patient. The mid-bowing music and handsome-osity will sit there waiting."
(April 13, Jenny P., Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Handsome-osity will only take you so far. To escape Oprah's dungeon, you have to also smuggle a handgun in your pooter."

Tuesday, May 04, 2010


adj. Moderately Poison-licious. Also, please feed me some poison.

Real citation: "Listening to the Lords Of Dogtown soundtrack, 80's hair-rock-tacular!"
(April 22, 2010, Paul Mernock, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I once had the hair for a hair-rock-tacular life, but never the power chords. Power naps are more my thing."

Monday, May 03, 2010


adj. A brutal surgery that leaves so many scrunchies without a job--or hope.

Real citation: "Miss 7: "Daddy the scitech putty bounced into my hair." Had to perform emergency ponytail-ectomy. #deadmanwhenwifegetshome"
(April 15, 2010,
Daniel Simpson, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I remember my ponytail-ectomy... It was a tough day. Almost as tough as the day I gave my balls a Canadian--the Brazilian's frigid cousin."