Tuesday, July 31, 2007


noun. An unholy crossbreed--like Billary or Bat Boy.

Related terms: wienerhuahua.

Real citation: “The nation's gigantic air force is both respected and feared, the people of Franxico are renowned for their nihilistic attitudes, citizens recently voted in favour of declaring bubblewrap an 'abomination of nature', and the latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller. Crime -- especially youth-related -- is crippling, probably because of the country's utter lack of prisons. Franxico's national animal is the Poodlehuahua, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its currency is the New Yeldan Pound.”

Made-up citation: "At the dog park, I've seen plenty o' humping, but this was a new one: Yesterday, a poodlehuahua was air-humping, which is a sight in itself, though not unprecedented. However, the air-humper was simultaneously licking some mutt's asshole. An air hump with a side of rim job! God bless America and keep her strong."


noun. The systematic removal of nuns from a school, firehouse, yard, or garage.

(Dec. 10, 2002, http://ssbm.bizland.com/pe120902.chtml)

Made-up citation: "My dog chased a nun down the hallway today. I better see some denunification fast, or I'll be moving out! I also heard that if you see a nun in daylight, she's probably rabid."

Monday, July 30, 2007

metric poo-ton

noun. Only your mathematician knows for sure if this is greater or less than a metric turdload.

Related terms: metric asston, metric butt-ton, metric crap-ton, metric fuckton, metric poop-ton, metric shit-ton, metric buttload.

Real citation: “Having played a metric poo-ton of WoW, I recommend going double-up on the "gathering" professions (skinning and herbalism is a great combo for making tons of cash).”
(Oct. 11, 2006, Mechapixel Forums, http://mechapixel.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6479)

Made-up citation: "I appreciate my small dog even more after walking his big friend Jack, whose metric poo-ton of shit came in seven steamy packages, laid out in the grass like a sprawling leprechaun village that had been nuked."


adj. Sorta cuckoo-bananas-y.

Real citation: “I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with the website (seemed semi-nutballish), but I think that there are healthy doses of truth mixed in with the alarmism, and there is probably a substantial risk that, overall, the state system (the courts + group institutions + foster homes) is also a detriment to kids' wellbeings.”
(May 11, 2007, http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=8594&page=2)

Made-up citation: "I am loving Denis Leary's semi-nutballish firefighter character on Rescue Me. He's one reason some call FX the Nutcase Channel."

Sunday, July 29, 2007


noun. Idiots--or breasts--who don't mind getting their nipples dirty.

Real citation: “Okay, ignoring the obvious fact that Pyun made this... 'film'... out of the scum that stuck to his shoes after walking through the cutting rooms of 3 or 4 other really crappy movies - all involving... cityscapes and leather, I'd guess... Where was I... Oh yeah. And leaving aside the question of whether any of these actors has every really been good (I love them all, you understand, but I also 'like' Starbucks coffee when Kona isn't available - ie all the time except payday)... Um, I feel that what sums this hunk of celery up is that the bad guys 'hide' a huge bomb on the roof of the San Francisco city hall, and then have a bunch of henchboobs 'guard' it so's Hopper and Pressly can get out of range.”
(Dec. 28, 2005, http://www.amazon.com/Ticker-Tom-Sizemore/dp/customer-reviews/B00005QAP6)

Made-up citation: "We have contingency plans for countering the enemy's car bombs, disinformation campaigns, underwater pigmen, and double agents, but we have no answer--thus far--for their henchboobs."


noun. A gaggle of peevologists: folks who are probably beating eggcorns to death with a tire iron right now.

Real citation: “Peeverazzi has a lot of appeal, for example, since it gets at how annoying those folks are and how worthless the substance of what they do. But a bunch more candidates have real promise, and this opens a big window to additional ideas.”
(July 17, 2007, Mr. Verb, http://mr-verb.blogspot.com/2007/07/peevology-and-its-semantic-field.html)

Made-up citation: "I'm a member of the peeverazzi when it comes to quotation marks used for emphasis--though I did enjoy seeing the ad for a nursing home where the 'person' comes first."

death falafel

noun. A culinary, cartoon calorie-bomb, coming soon to a plate near you.

Real citation: “(When Homer Simpson, playing hooky from church on a Sunday, makes a fat, gooey waffle, he doesn't just butter it -- he wraps it around a stick of butter, a death falafel.)”
(Stephanie Zacharek, "The Simpsons Movie," Salon, July 27, 2007, http://www.salon.com/ent/movies/review/2007/07/27/simpsons/)

Made-up citation: "Our lunch special is a death falafel, soup, and coffee. Funeralization expenses included."


adj. Painful in that special place. No, your other special place.

Real citation: “Ohmygod. pottersues has just posted the most horrific fic I've evar seen, evar. It's so terrible it's hilarious. In a really, really soul-hurty way. You've been warned."
(Oct. 15, 2006, http://a-leprechaun.livejournal.com/tag/funny)

Made-up citation: "I woke up that morning, rumpled and soul-hurty, knowing only one truth in the depths of my being: my crotch itches."

Thursday, July 26, 2007


noun. A not-so-popular summer attraction that's available year-round.

Real citation: “looks like you guys are playing douchebagapalooza.”
(July 26, 2006, http://thesurfactants.livejournal.com/2482.html?thread=2226)

Made-up citation: "Tomorrow I am taking down our names from the mailbox and officially renaming this family 'Douchebagapalooza.' If only my DNA and brain were so easy to cleanse."


noun. An ability--who knows, perhaps bestowed by the one true God--to detect asshats of all persuasions and denominations.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, sexual-geniusdar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, big dick-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money-dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, jailbaitdar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, dorkdar, skankdar, freak-dar, ass-dar, asshole-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, someone-is-staring-at-my-ass-dar, “Jesus Freak” dar, zombie-dar, fake-boob-dar, dogdar, catdar, ratdar, camel toe-dar.

Real citation: “other then that, just use your ASSHATDAR (asshat radar that is!)”
(April 11, 2007, http://www.xceedspeed.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1165236)

Made-up citation: "Enclosed is my resume, which details my graduate education, managerial experience, quick reflexes, keen asshatdar, and nice gams."


present participle. Multidirectional activity utilizing a lower than recommended number of brain cells.

Real citation: “First, the main plot and the subplots fit together in spite of the initial straining to get them all rolling; sometimes, Hong Kong kung-fu is a main plot with the "comedic" elements shoehorned in, seemingly at random and fairly obviously to kill time between fight sets, but here, the slapsticky bits play into the plotting, and guns you see in the first-act farce pieces do go off in the third act. The very broad which-way-did-he-go-George-ing still isn't terribly funny, but it's at least functional.”
(Sars, June 6, 2007, Tomato Nation, http://tomatonation.com/?p=1498)

Made-up citation: "Grabassing, which-way-did-he-go-George-ing, and atomic-wedgifying are all discouraged in the operating room and adjoining areas."

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


noun. Look deep into the pants of a robot, and this ye shall find.

Real citation: “If it's supposed to be between the legs, maybe it's the robopubes to go with the apparent robolabia.”
(Feb. 3, 2007, Transformers Lost, http://tflost.forumup.com/about1095-0-tflost.html)

Made-up citation: "My great-great-great-great-grandspawn will attain a Ph.D. in robopube designology. I can just feel it."


noun. An assticular bonanza. Or, simply the buttockial region.

Real citation: “The blood spatter stuff will be very easy as it is one shot, or a pain in the buttanza as it has blood effects.”(Jack Daniel Stanley, Sept. 13, 2006, http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/archive/index.php/t-65228-p-2.html)

Made-up citation: "The military calls the buttanza the fourth point of contact; I just call it sweet merciful ass."

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


noun. Brilliance. Suaveness. Genius. And a pleasant dearth of all that is fucktardy.

Real citation: “My favorite candidate was Riordan, and he dropped out early to endorse and advise Arnie. Arnie has the correct platform: pro business, pro choice, not a gun freak. He has the right advisors, he has the charisma to hopefully intimidate the dastardly Assembly into un-fucktarditude. Ideologically he is exactly what I want, and what a lot of other people wanted, and that mix was not offered by anyone else.”
(Oct. 8, 2003, http://www.tribalwar.com/forums/archive/t-245432-p-4.html)

Made-up citation: "Voters want a President with gravitas, vision, unfucktarditude, and testicles the size of manatees, according to polls."


noun. Mmm...semi-sorta-pseudo-sheet-staining.

Real citation: “Warnings: semi wet dreaminess.”
(May 23, 2007, http://community.livejournal.com/mychemicalslash/2007/05/23/)

Made-up citation: "I'm a young professional. I like to cuddle. I have a condo, some semi-wet-dreaminess, no diseases, and a wienerhuahua."

Monday, July 23, 2007

Mother Mary on a slice of toast

exclamation. A breakfasty, blasphemous ejaculation fit for use at home and in the community.

Related terms: Mother Theresa on a motorbike, sweet Mother Mary on a motorboat.

Real citation: “Mother Mary on a slice of toast! I thought those were barrettes at first glance! I’ll look, but I SERIOUSLY doubt there’s a thing on earth that’s tackier than that!”
(Jan. 9, 2007, Hooah Wife and Friends, http://hooahwife.com/?p=1815)

Made-up citation: "Mother Mary on a slice of toast! I put hotel shampoo on my head this morning, thinking it was hair gel. I am not the most radioactive rod in the power plant."

neanderthal magnet

noun. A person who, through no fault of her own--and yes, this is probably a her--is forced to repel repeated amorous advances from cavemanly critters.

Related terms: nutjob magnet, wingnut magnet, fucknut magnet, loser magnet, asshat magnet, asshole magnet, doofus magnet, dork magnet, dumbass magnet, skank magnet, ho magnet, bad kisser magnet.

Real citation: “Are they all like this, or am I just a Neanderthal magnet?”
(Dec. 16, 2002, http://www.council-of-elrond.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-1892.html)

Made-up citation: "Evolutionary biologists are unable to explain neanderthal magnets, self-flushing toilets, and butt bras."

Sunday, July 22, 2007


noun. An item in the Dark Avenger's "special" utility belt.

Real citation: “Stayed in bed all day with a bottle of gut-rot, and passed out around tea-time, waking only to puke all over the covers, and strangely, Alfred, who claims he was changing me into fresh Batpyjamas. I wonder about him half the time. He seems to spend more time in the bat suit than I do these days, and I'm not exactly enamoured with the Batbuttplug he's had fitted to the utility belt.”
(June 17, 2004, Anyone got a carrot?, http://robberrabbit.blogspot.com/2004/06/diary-of-superhero-monday-up-with-lark.html)

Made-up citation: "Choosing between the Superbuttplug, the Batbuttplug, and Green Lantern's ring was a nightly dilemma for Aquaman, protector of the seas."


noun. A catastrophic frak-up like few have ever beheld, much like this Iraq thing you may have heard about.

Related terms: catastrofuck.

Real citation: “It's about time they started catching up with the rest of the sane world, although I wonder how many realize now that it's a war that should never have happened or whether they've jumped ship only because things are such a catastrofrak over there. Still it's a hopeful development.”
(June 27, 2007, The Blue Voice, http://thebluevoice.blogspot.com/2007/06/nobody-likes-bushs-war-but-now-what.html)

Made-up citation: "In 3037, the U.S. will become embroiled in a military catastrofrak with the renegade Martian empire. Amazon women of the moon will be involved."

Friday, July 20, 2007

site despunkifier

noun. A man-chowder-cleansing professional, available for parties. For Bostonians, make that "man-chowda."

Real citation: “Well, duh, you don't write 'jizz mopper' on there! You write something else... like 'Sub-Equatorial Sanitation Specialist' or 'Flooring Sterilization Engineer' or 'Site Despunkifier.' Exercising a little resume creativity can go a long way.”
(Fes, April 21, 2004, MonkeyFilter, http://monkeyfilter.com/link.php/2128)

Made-up citation: "When my guidance counselor suggested freelance writer and site despunkifier as my best career options, I returned to the sage-like counsel of my magic 8-ball."


adj. An approximate amount, not precisely equivalent to a metric turdload.

Real citation: “Golden SUN. I got right up to Mars Lighthouse... and stopped. Got right to the end, and then gave the game back to my friend. I found out later that my attention span was cut by an assloadish half because of the puzzles on the series.
(Seabeast13, Sept. 28, 2005, Videogame Recaps, http://www.videogamerecaps.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=29118&sid=7da916372b065a5c7842df7ec35de6f8)

Made-up citation: "Ahhhhhhhhhh. Mine eyes have beheld an assloadish amount of Swedish pancakes, which now comprise my food baby, a squat fetus in the fifth trimester."

Thursday, July 19, 2007


noun. A culinary cousin of the pu-pu platter.

Real citation: “Tell Clara I said hi and tht also sought the input from Toxicologists and was surprised that a it is proven to be safe ~ I will eat the poopooburger.”
(April 15, 2003, Tantalk, http://tantalk.com/open-forum/2331911-sunless-tanning-2.html)

Made-up citation: "Don't hand me a poopooburger and tell me it's an icecreamburger, said Confucius to his student, who immediately became enlightened."


noun. An expert wanker, or an astute observer of wankers. Not a huge distinction.

Real citation: “Dr. sdf, Wankerologist
(March 25, 2005, http://www.haloscan.com/comments/atrios/111177695584164619/)

Made-up citation: "Wankerologists and humpologists, like doctors and dentists, attend different schools. According to education scholars, wankerology is best taught through home schooling."

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


noun. A tallywhacker only an amoeba could fellate.

Related words: nanotesticles.

Real citation: “Nanoschlongtm
(Dec. 14, 2000, TTLG Forums, http://www.ttlg.com/forums/showthread.php?t=31854)

Made-up citation: "Guess which Presidential candidate is congenitally nanoschlonged. Winner receives a free coffee and lowfat cranberry muffin."


noun. A sleazeball eligible for pregnancy, nunneries, and ladies' night.

Real citation: “Would you vote for a sleazeball / sleazeballette just to prevent 'that other guy' from winning?”
(June 7, 2006, http://www.hannity.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-72921.html)

Made-up citation: "What did the sleazeballette say when she opened a box of Cheerios? 'Once again the razor of Ockham is clean and decisive.'"

Tuesday, July 17, 2007


noun. Occupiers of a low rung of the corporate ladder, somewhere between Senior Vice President of Global Corporate Affairs and lickspittle.

Real citation: “Per contractual agreement, you will be assigned your very own cadre of koala and monkey sub-henchmen, managing an array of sub-sub henchmen (which would most likely be comprised of an assortment of snakes, bat-men, and a monkfish). Or, if agreed upon as a substitute, you will be assigned a unit of special bioengineered, genetically enhanced koala-monkeys, designed to look like monkeys, but function as koalas.”
(Aug. 1, 2002, The Henchman Cooperative Project, http://www.universaloddities.com/archives/henchmen.shtml)

Made-up citation: "I give health insurance to all my employees, even the sub-sub-henchmen, fluffers, provosts, and goat-ball-lickers."


noun. A celebrity with a dubious claim on mammalhood and a shiny metal finish.

Related terms: celebutard, celebuturd, celebudude.

Real citation: “Just when we thought jessica simpson was a cold, heartless, unfeeling celebubot, she proves us wrong by going to a psychiatrist to work through some mental issues. We thought that Papa Joe had taken care of those years ago, but…”
(June 2, 2006, Rap Offs, http://rapoffs.com/jessica-simpson-crazy-or-just-ugly/)

Made-up citation: "Not all celebubots are fembots, nor are all molemen men. It's a problematic issue, and all reductive approaches will need to be unpacked. Meep!"

Monday, July 16, 2007


noun. Once upon a time, there was a clusterfuck and a douchebag, sitting in a tree…

Real citation: “You’re right, sweetheart: George Bush is an enormous clusterdouche.”
(Wender J. Crinklebank, July 6, 2007, Welcome to the Crinklebank, http://wenderjcrinklebank.vox.com/library/post/goodbye-kitty---an-open-letter-to-darling-daughter.html)

Made-up citation: "Though I appear to the general public as a great humanitarian and friend of the American theatre, my family and neighbors know I am a raging clusterdouche."


noun. This cousin of the warmonger prefers bouncing breasts and nummy nipples to air strikes and vehicle-borne improvised explosive devices.

Real citation: “Lydia is already napping, the girl was tiiiiiiired. She's been slightly bitchy this morning too. Ok, lets face it, she's been REALLY bitchy this morning. And a boobiemonger too. From 8-now I have nursed her 3 times. Gah.”
(papermuse, July 8, 2006, http://papermuse.livejournal.com/142832.html)

Made-up citation: "Evolutionarily speaking, men are boobiemongers, and primates are bananamongers. Meanwhile, Martians are nanobotmongers. God has a plan for us all."

Sunday, July 15, 2007


interjection. An expression of disgust, revulsion, perturbation, consternation, and utter chagrinedness.

Real citation: “Ok, back to work. Another meeting in 33 minutes. Ackfuck.”
(Sommer B., July 9, 2007, email message)

Made-up citation: "By Odin's balls! Moses smell the roses! Ackfuck! This heat has rendered my ballsweatometer useless and I a broken heap."


noun. Like humidity, but more oppressive, more fearsome, more day-of-judgment-ish.

Real citation: “you should all be ashamed of yourself... especially you jim... i knew we could expect it from the 3d'ers... but you? Ive never seen a group of people with more doomidity than this bunch.”
(April 21, 2005, Archery Talk, http://www.archerytalk.com/vb/showthread.php?t=178288)

Made-up citation: "I am gonna bring down hellfire and doomidity on your ass. Plus a side order of deep-fried pain. That'll be $100. Thank you for using our agency."

Friday, July 13, 2007

pre-emptive porking

noun. First-date fornication-fest.

Real citation: “A few weeks back (June 13, to be exact), I mentioned in passing that after extensive fieldwork on the topic, I'd come to the conclusion that sleeping with a guy on the first date might not be the best course of action if you wanna turn him into your boyfriend. This conclusion was not drawn out of any moral dilemma I have with pre-emptive porking; it's just that it's been my experience (as well as that of many of my pals) that getting down to business immediately often translates into a one-night stand.”
(Judy McGuire, July 4, 2007, Seattle Weekly, http://www.seattleweekly.com/2007-07-04/diversions/a-change-of-mind.php)

Made-up citation: "In the coming weeks, my campaign will address the issues that America cares about: compassionate conservatism, elementary education, Mideast mayhem, pre-emptive porking, and wet willies."


noun. A common male cranial-colonic condition.

Related terms: kick-buttitude, needle-buttitude, pain-in-the-buttitude, suck-buttitude, tight-buttitude.

Real citation: “Grady Little shows why Charlie Manuel got the major league managing job first. What an example of utter head-up-his-buttitude.”
(Charlie T., Oct. 16, 2003, Tribe Forum Archives, http://wc1.worldcrossing.com/WebX?128@@.1dde283f)

Made-up citation: "Male obliviousness--known to doctors as congenital head-up-his-buttitude syndrome--can be pleasant for the victims, whose areas of concern are manageably limited."

Thursday, July 12, 2007


adj. A half-hearted approach to anything, lacking all vim, vigor, spit, spunk, zip, conviction, and oomph.

Real citation: “And now the cultural samurai have been robbed of the opportunity to pit Fahrenheit 9/11 against The Passion in the Academy Awards, or to foam that the first was nominated and the latter not. Neither was nominated for best pic. On cable news today, some of the usual suspects tried to whip up ire over The Passion not getting the top nod--Pat Buchanan will be fulminating tonight--and how this proves how Hollywood slights Christians, but it all seemed rather going-through-the-motions-ish. Since neither The Passion nor Fahrenheit 9/11 got nominated, it's hard to argue a political bias at work.”
(James Wolcott, Jan. 25, 2005, http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/blogs/wolcott/2005/01/foiled_again.html)

Made-up citation: "I only vote for going-through-the-motions-ish politicians. They wreak less havoc, dig fewer graves."

Outer Bungholistan

noun. Where bungholes live and raise their bunghole-y broods.

Real citation: “Russia countered by demanding the US, as a member of said organization, abide by its IP laws and pay Russia royalties for all the AK's the CIA has had manufactured and distributed over the years. Russia doesn't want to collect money from Outer Bungholistan, they'd have to pay in goats anyway.”
(June 3, 2007, Slashdot, http://yro.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=07/06/03/1840203)

Made-up citation: "My friend moved from Chicago to Outer Bungholistan, California...now only the tumbleweeds will hear her cries. Or whatever."

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


noun. Not your garden-variety, off-the-shelf doofus. A very special doofus indeed, one of the eclectic few.

Real citation: “I guess Alternadoofus hasn't figured out that your kids will love whatever music you enjoy...until they turn about 11. Then, they won't want to be scene in public with you.”
(Jan. 25, 2007, Fast Cupid, http://fastcupid.com/blog/376/post_35001.html?dcb=fastcupid.com&highid=2491769_19118)

Made-up citation: "The alternadoofus is a lower form of life than the hipster doofus, according to zoologists."


noun. A crotchier cousin of the smurfwad, jerkfacewad, and non-fugly-blubber-wad.

Real citation: “ok crotchwad, i'll forgive you for not buying your xbox a day earlier. are we sniffing sacks tomorrow? it sounds lovely!”
(June 13, 2007, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=39205905)

Made-up citation: "Thou art a crotchwad, said the Lord to the shepherd. Because the Lord hated those fucking shepherds."

Monday, July 09, 2007

love hexadecagon

noun. Sometimes, “love triangle” doesn’t quite cover the romantic possibilities, wacky misadventures, and geometric permutations, which in this case go up to warp factor 16.

Real citation: “Oh, don't even get me started on the love hexadecagon from hell that's on it's way... I just hope all turns out well for Palex.”
(March 30, 2007, Fan Forum, http://www.fanforum.com/f191/hot-chicks-paige-alex-6-because-they-still-have-some-catching-up-do-62795732/index2.html)

Made-up citation: "Note to contributing writers: from now on, orgies, clusterfucks, and cuddle puddles will be referred to as love octagons, love hexadecagons, etc. Consult the appropriate chart as necessary."


verb. To lessen the influence of 1) George W. Bush or 2) wild, shit-flinging chimpanzees.

Real citation: “Unfortunately 30% of Americans are this stupid. We need to start some kind of remedial training to de-Chimpify these idiots.”
(April 10, 2007, Think Progress, http://thinkprogress.org/2007/04/10/clinton-pelosi-syria/)

Made-up citation: "As a teacher, it's my duty to de-chimpify every child, filling their ripe melons with knowledge, morality, and a government chip. Meep!"

Sunday, July 08, 2007


noun. Dude. They got Popes and stuff.

Real citation: “the pope's death ended the death watch, but then the CORPSE WATCH began... 24/7 Vaticanosity. make it stop! make it stop!”
(Kathy, April 2, 2005, Beetsolonely, http://beetsolonely.blogspot.com/2005/04/saturday-in-frozen-foods-section.html)

Made-up citation: "If I lived in splendor and Vaticanosity, with a cadre of bishop-bots to do my bidding, I’d probably return to the Catholic fold."


noun. A gross, yet delicious, scrotastical deformity.

Real citation: “thatss0epic: Give me insults
thatss0epic: Names
Melissa Is Deck: names?
Melissa Is Deck: like
Melissa Is Deck: stupidhead
Melissa Is Deck: frog-scacked goatwrangler
Melissa Is Deck: sore-assed crackwiper
Melissa Is Deck: pea-flavored rectumguzzler
Melissa Is Deck: lice-lipped vaginaslug
Melissa Is Deck: pickle-sacked prickweed
Melissa Is Deck: floppy-mouthed gutterhumper
thatss0epic: That so gets eljayed
Melissa Is Deck: hahahaha, yes!@”

Made-up citation: "Pickle-sacked pie-humpers peerlessly preach prudence, the President prophesied."


noun. A blissful event that can only be brought about by a cheese-stuffed Italian mmm-bomb.

Real citation: “-Bring a toaster oven to 400 degrees
-Lovingly place half a calzone for 5 minutes
-Remove and let set for 1 minute
-Place in microwave on high for 40 seconds
-Commence calzonegasm
(Dec. 22, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Remember the Star Trek where Captain Picard had a calzonegasm? Awesome stuff. Or was that George Steinbrenner on Seinfeld?"


noun. A unit of fuckery employed by humpologists.

Real citation: “nanofuck -- intense flirting
microfuck -- rubbing up / dry humping
milifuck -- kissing
centifuck -- making out
fuck -- self explanatory
kilofuck -- making love for an hour with candles lit
megafuck -- all night session”
(April 22, 2002, http://www.edmplanet.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-5180.html)

Made-up citation: "You sir, are getting on every last milifuck of my nerves. I abhor your face."

Friday, July 06, 2007


noun. Adventures on the douchey side of the force.

Real citation: “Ok, but how about The Douchecapades?”
(Aug. 5, 2006, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=6470405)

Made-up citation: "I regaled the children and town elders with tales of my douchecapades. In turn, they are summoning the village exorcist."


adj. Possessing pleasingly similar parts that quiet the mind and soothe the savage ulcer.

Real citation: “Yes, that was something along the lines of what I was thinking, too. That the balcony is a physical symbol of Al's prominence in yet distance from the community of Deadwood. He finds it easier to participate in camp life from up there, observing the action and sometimes throwing down blessings. (Yet another parallel in this paralleloriffic show--Al accompanying his freeing of Trixie by goodnaturedly throwing something to/at her, contrasted w/Cy's throwing parcels at Joanie when she tried to leave.) Seth literally brings him down from the balcony in S2, and last night, hallelujah, he chose to jump off of it himself.”
(MizDarwin, “3-10: "A Constant Throb" 2006.08.13,” Aug. 14, 2006, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?act=Print&client=printer&f=749&t=3144760)

Made-up citation: "Jesus turned water into wine. I have turned wine into puke--and other refreshing liquids. Could me and Jesus be any more paralleloriffic? It's freaky."

Wednesday, July 04, 2007


noun. The kind of love that happens when toasters know no limits.

Related term: robo-incest.

Real citation: “Kind of an old Megaman joke, but at least its not robocest.”
(Aug. 17, 2005, VG Cats Forum, http://forum.vgcats.com/showthread.php?t=2991&page=10)

Made-up citation: "Only dorky, perverted minds could even conceive of such a heinous, metallic, romantic thing as robocest. So why are you looking at me?"


noun. A male equivalent of the celebubabes that litter our Intertubes and brains.

Related terms: celebutante, celebuskank, celebutard, celebuturd.

Real citation: “Meanwhile, the Teen Vogue crowd has even more emerging boldfaced names. After the celebutante Hilton sisters come the celebudude Hilton brothers: Barron, 16, and Conrad, 12. Fashion also has budding...”
(June 22, 2006, Gossip on Anna Wintour, http://www.gossip-1.com/anna-wintour-060616.htm)

Made-up citation: "I'd make a great celebudude. I'm shallow, I have no morals, and I like shiny, pretty things. Where do I apply?"

Tuesday, July 03, 2007


noun. Balls smaller than the eye can see and the mind can imagine, holding nary a pube's worth of gonadal fortitude.

Real citation: “Another Democrat displaying his nanotesticles. These guys should wear longer slips.”
(July 25, 2006, http://www.haloscan.com/comments/atrios/115384171563212052/)

Made-up citation: "Read my new opus on gender and the ties that bind: Men Have Nanotesticles; Women Have Lady Balls."


noun. A clusterfuck fit for all audiences.

Related terms: clusterboink, clustercoitus, clusterduck, clusterfiretruck, clusterfornicate, clusterfrack, clusterfreak, clusterfrell, clusterfrick, clusterfrig, clusterfug, clusterhump, clusterplook, clusterpork, clusterschmuck, clustersmurf.

Real citation: “I love it. This is the first time either the UAW or the clusterbop of management has had to worry about anything in their lives.”
(May 6, 2005, KFFL, http://kffl.com/forums/showthread.php?t=124597)

Made-up citation: "Tell little Billy he needs to wait his turn in line, so we can all avoid clusterbops, poopstorms, and fucking nightmares of cafeteria congestion."


adj. Sir, it is an abomination! Kinda.

Real citation: “He reached in his jacket pocket and gripped his phone. He started to hear static. He knew from his earlier encounter with the acid creatures to not let his guard down. He scanned his surrounding for some sort of abominationish creature. Then suddenly a strange smell filled James nose. A smell like blood and salt water.”
(July 19, 2006, http://www.squareboards.com/story-writing/5259-silent-hill-fears-requiem-3.html)

Made-up citation: "Behold the abominationish apparition that beseecheth thee to pee in thy cornflakes. He looks serious."


noun. 1) Metaphorically blowjobical, like your underlings. 2) Literally blowjobistic, like your mama.

Real citation: “(Not attested, on the web or in newsgroups: fellatoric, fellatorian, fellatoriary, fellatistic, fellatonic, fellationistic, fellationical.) People have certainly been creative with English morphology in order to get an adjective related to fellatio.”
(Arnold Zwicky, “The Vocabulary of Toadying,” Jan. 31, 2006, Language Log, http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/002799.html)

Made-up citation: "Craven, toadying, fellatonic young professional seeks a morsel of your kindness and a position in your administration."

Sunday, July 01, 2007


noun. A pants-removing instrument to be used with extreme caution--and possibly an advanced degree.

Related terms: self-depantsifier.

Real citation: “I would think the easier scan in an Amsterdam airport would be to look for those people that aren't smuggling drugs out of the country (because who in their right mind would try to bring them in, that's like trying to smuggle beer into Canada). If this electro-depantsifier emits any sort of Alarming Klaxon of Guilt when it detects someone leaving Amersterdam with a nickel bag of weed tucked up their no-no, that's got to be the loudest airport security area since Paula Abdul was denied First Class.”
(Wender J. Crinklebank, May 16, 2007, Dave Barry’s Blog, http://blogs.herald.com/dave_barrys_blog/2007/05/attention_hotbo.html)

Made-up citation: "My shopping list: rice milk, almond butter, electro-depantsifier, death ray, Goldbond."


adj. Non-craptastic.

Real citation: Today was supposed to be a good day. Lego Star Wars 2 (the sequel to my most favoritist video game ever!) is in release. The ORIGINAL (CGI crapfest-free) Star Wars movies are out. Apple is announcing some (hopefully) cool new stuff. What could possibly go wrong??
(David Simmer II, Sept. 12, 2006, Blogography, http://www.blogography.com/archives/lego/)

Made-up citation: "I'm sad about the lame season finale of The Shield. Until then, the whole series had been almost 100% crapfest-free."


noun. A second-tier hoodlum, thug, or henchperson.

Real citation: “OK, so I know the show has to dial up the drama, and I couldn't be more cool with that, but technically speaking, what would keep Al from simply killing Hearst? Aside from the logistics of dealing with The Captain, and any other beta-goons, why wouldn't Al cut the cocksucker's throat?”
(EGTuna22, “3-2: "I Am Not the Fine Man You Take Me For" 2006.06.18,”June 19, 2006, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3142279&view=findpost&p=5505239)

Made-up citation: "With henchlings and beta-goons, I'd defend the perimeter, send out for sushi, and make the thoroughfare safe for orphans and puppies."


noun. Mmm....deballification.

Real citation: “Women were asked to write about their lovers on the dolls (which conveniently come in various penis sizes); exhibit visitors can view the dolls while listening to audio of the women's stories. Emasculicious!”
(July 26, 2005, Gridskipper, http://gridskipper.com/travel/paris/your-girlfriends-little-man-114184.php)

Made-up citation: "My dog's emasculicious surgery did nothing to curtail his hump-happy ways. I sure wish he'd lay off the dogs whose owners I'd like to hump. Awkward!"