Sunday, December 30, 2007


noun. Not cool, dude.

Related term: mega-Fonzie.

Real citation: "The TSN Thumb and Runners: Santa must have left a steaming pile of reindeer poo in their stockings; because they've been out with a vengeance since Christmas. These Anti-Fonzies are truely worthless. Just a couple of anonymous Chachi's looking for a good time. Little cyber-vandals without a voice. Mental midgets marking the territories of others with their poodlescent behavior. Beware the big dogs little nippers. One day you're going to get caught."
(Jan. 4, 2007, "The Grim Blogger," The Sporting News,

Made-up citation: "The anti-Christ is superior to an anti-Fonzie in the areas of blood-soaked apocalyptic showdowns and grooming."

Wednesday, December 26, 2007


adj. Mega-acrobatic, like a Jedi knight or swamp monkey. Those little bastards are flippier than they sound, trust me.

Real citation: “That they never looked timid and still don't. So what if they're not whirly-twirly-leapy-flippy?”
(April 24, 2007, Star Wars: Message Boards,

Made-up citation: “I once tried to learn a backflip, but I am about as whirly-twirly-leapy-flippy as a bear that just ate a family, a community, and some badgers.”


noun. Someone who, according to sources, is done.

Steve McNair, Trent Dilfer, Damon Huard, Vinny Testaverde, Gus Frerotte, Trent Green, Daunte Culpepper, Brian Griese, Byron Leftwich
Comments: Really, it makes zero sense for any NFL team to start another season by telling its fans, ‘We're going into the season with (any of the above guys) as our starting QB.’ These guys should be finished in that capacity. Please tell me I'm right. Please. I'm begging you.”
(Bill Simmons, Dec. 21, 2007, “Lamenting our national arms crisis,”

Made-up citation: “All my exes are either now friends or fork-in-the-backers, which may not be the greatest word choice of this era.”

Monday, December 24, 2007


noun. An explosion of boobliness that no mind can fathom and no bra can contain.

Real citation: “My breasts spill out the top. (I was horrified to discover the tabloid press had a name for this: quadriboobage!) My breasts spill out the bottom. They spill out everywhere boobs can spill out, basically. But even if my breasts never fit what I felt inside, it seemed like at some point -- at some point! -- I should still have a bra that fit.”
(Sarah Hepola, Dec. 10, 2007, "Busting Out," Salon,

Made-up citation: "When the coffee shop started offering iced quadriboobage tea latte, quadriboobage with steamed milk, and kids’ quadriboobage, I suspected a change in management.”


noun. The hypothetical recipient of a mythological sex act that may or may not have been invented by Zeus and some farm animals: the Dirty Sanchez.

Real citation: “Was Screech the sanchezer, or was he the sanchezee? It matters.”
(Dec. 18, 2006,

Made-up citation: “In life, we are either Sanchezers or Sanchezees, said my biology teacher, before the arraignment.”

Sunday, December 23, 2007


adj. Butthole-y. Not to be confused with asshole-y. Feel free to confuse with bunghole-y.

Real citation: “But besides any of that, it wasn't even a good diss. Joel in particular is deserving of far greater teasing considering the havoc he wreaks on this city and its women and blind dogs after 17 drinks and a $120 bar tab. PM ME FOR THE DETAILZ AND YOU WILL THEN OWN HIS ASS ON THE WWW 4 LYF. And honestly, I don't think that Jose even has any buttholistic tendencies so you should just focus your extreme web anger on Joel for now ok????”
(Nov. 30, 2005,

Made-up citation: “Holistic medicine is a nontraditional needle in the back; buttholistic medicine is a trepan-tastic drill in the head.”


adj. Like chocolicious, but the dark, sweet joy was replaced with a Biblical disease-o-rama.

Real citation: “Mmmm tasty! lepro-licious!”
(Sept. 19, 2006, Joinee Forum,

Made-up citation: “The best thing I can say about your biscuits is that they are not lepro-licious. I can’t say that about the coffee.”

Thursday, December 20, 2007


noun. ‘Cause it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with a NUCLEAR BOMB. SHUT UP AND KILL ME DEAD, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Real citation: “In a classic example of morning Song-Stuck-in-the-Headitude, I woke up the other day singing the following aberrant version of the old Beatles fave, "A Day in the Life:"”
(March 27, 2006, Lucy’s Spleen,

Made-up citation: “Song-stuck-in-the-headitude is a type of brain bleach moment that offends only one sense, unlike that time… That one time when… Huh, guess the bleach worked. Yay!”


noun. Who has time for cumbersome priests and crosses and holy water these days?

Real citation: “Maybe she's a ‘poser’ and had no idea what you meant by that. Probably thinking ‘Blessed Be’ is some kind of Christian insta-exorcism.”
(May 17, 2007,

Made-up citation: “My Christmas wish list: demon-possessed villagers, an insta-exorcism kit, towels, God’s blessing, and oatmeal stout. Hey, the righteous get thirsty.”

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


noun. Sanity. Cool, refreshing sanity.

Real citation: “Now, in Call of Cthulhu d20, spellcasters are just average schmoes whose need (or perverse desire) to cast a spell outweighs their commitment to continued non-bugnuttery.”
(Sept. 11, 2005,

Made-up citation: “I’d like to live a life of non-bugnuttery, but I speak to flowers about clouds. Hardware stores like me. Paper clips don’t.”


verb. To remove—by hook, crook, or spork—all that is douchebaggy from a “person” or object.

Real citation: “So here's my idea: I can de-douchebagify your Internet dating profile. I'll do it for free. I want people to be happy and find love! Send me your profile and I'll spruce it up and I GUARANTEE greater returns on romance. What do ya'll think? That's my new small business idea.”
(Nov. 15, 2006, Diary of a Mad Brown Woman,

Made-up citation: “To de-douchebagify you would take a trained team of therapists, surgeons, bartenders, and humanitarians--but losing the mustache is a good start.”

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

spoogeaholic screwpuppet

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.


adj. Sometimes those good bongo vibes leak into the brain, ruining the furniture.

Real citation: "2:59 p.m.
A Ninth and H drum-playing lunk
Was deep in a bongozoid funk
He’d broken probation
With vile vibrations
Pursuant to drumming while drunk."
(Kevin L. Hoover, Dec. 15, 2006, The Arcata Eye,

Made-up citation: “I have had bongozoid periods. Sadly, as a percussionist, I am an inspired interior decorator.”

American assload

noun. USA! USA! The metric system can go fuck itself.

Real citation: "how do you convert a metric ass load to an american ass load?"
(BigKahuna855, May 3, 2005,;f=5;t=011641;p=1)

Made-up citation: "The dollar is looking puny these days, but the American assload is looming ever-larger, due to significant increases in the really gross national butt-size."


adj. Pseudo-Irish--better check the family tree for stereotypes and leprechauns.

Real citation: "I also filled out dozens of forms to finalize my stay in Dublin: gas, electricity, apartment, retirement fund (oh yes, real soon now), social security and all that mandatory stuff. Now living in the new and permanent apartment it feels like.. well not Irish..ishy but living, not visiting."
(April 2, 2007, Everything is Mossible,

Made-up citation: "I have an Irish-ishy heritage, along with some British blood, which is why I hate myself and blew up my own smoothie maker."

Monday, December 17, 2007


noun. A doojigger. Possibly, a doowhackey.

Related term: thingahoosits.

Real citation: “I dont think Tarantino was trying to take credit for the film at all. Because they say Tarantino Presents, but they make it clear that someone else directed and all that foozamabob.”
(April 18, 2004, Discussion Boards,

Made-up citation: “Give me the foozamabob, Fred. Don’t throw away your life!”


noun. A clusterbleep built for innocent little children and demented high school biology students.

Related terms: clusterboink, clusterbop, clustercoitus, clusterduck, clusterfiretruck, clusterfornicate, clusterfrack, clusterfreak, clusterfrell, clusterfrick, clusterfrig, clusterfug, clusterhump, clusterplook, clusterpork, clusterschmuck, clustersmurf.

Real citation: “Yep, I like Snell. I think he could be a bad ass like Pedro. As my dad says, I should let it go about Pedro, but there is still a hit out on Fred Claire and Delino DeShields over that clusterfrog. Yeah, let's trade Lowe. I don't trust a guy who can be distracted by shiny new dime. I am not saying Lowe is stupid, but if he wasn't a pitcher, I get the impression he would make one fine village idiot.)
(Nov. 10, 1007, the big blue wrecking crew,

Made-up citation: “My love life is a clusterfrog, and the frog’s dead, and his spleen has been extracted, and I fear I shall croak no more. And I think I’m on a menu.”

Sunday, December 16, 2007


noun. This takes “playing with Confederate money” to a new level.

Real citation: “see? that makes more sense than cyber-pseudo-robo-booobies
(Jan. 5, 2007, Transformers New Zealand Message Boards,

Made-up citation: “I hate MySpace. All I get out of it are invitations from cyber-pseudo-robo-babes with cyber-pseudo-robo-booobies who want to be my cyber-pseudo-robo-friends. But man cannot—will not!—live on imaginary porno people alone.”


noun. A smart academic or determined enthusiast who plooks like a Viking. Excuse me, studies like a Viking. Make that, studies Vikings. Whatever, I'm tired.

Real citation: “As a vikingologist....I am disappointed at the way the vikings are portrayed in this movie.”
(Feb. 14, 2007,

Made-up citation: “Because I love Swedish pancakes and accept Thor as my personal savior, I consider myself a Viking--and I don’t care what Vikingologists say. Hey, at least I’m not living in a fantasy world."

Saturday, December 15, 2007


noun. You are here.

Related terms: Assclownistan, Batshitistan, Duckfuckistan, East Buttfuckistan, Lower Buttmunchistan, Whackjobistan, Where-the-fuck-istan.

Real citation: "If the internet was a country, it would be 'I'mboredsowhere'sthepornistan'"
(Buck Williams, June 22, 2007, We're Right and You're Wrong!,

Made-up citation: "If the answer can't be found in I'mboredsowhere'sthepornistan, the answer can't be found, according to librarians. Er, make that wankerologists."

Thursday, December 13, 2007


noun. A soaper and frother and celebrator of one’s own balls, or one’s fellow man’s balls, or the balls of a goat.

Real citation: “Once safe in the cool air of the parking lot, I realized there's a good chance the dude probably suffers from some sort of psychosis/mental disorder. Then again, there's always the chance that he's just a creepy dude. Either way, if I had to choose, I think I'd take the grandpas lathering their balls at me to ol' Nyarrrmy. With the ball-latherers, you know what you're getting -- lathered balls. That's as far is it ever goes. With Nyarrrmy? Who the fuck knows?!”
(Nov. 5, 2006, Crabbydad,

Made-up citation: “In a totalitarian testicular society, ball-latherers and goat-ball-lickers are more important than doctors and lawyers, said my political science professor.”


noun. The victim of a ratfuck. Oh, like they say, the humanity.

Real citation: “Yesterday, a young inexperienced political partisan whose judgment was as deficient as her legal training, testified before the House Judiciary Committee. She was the ratfuckee.”
(May 24, 2007, The Nitty Gritty,

Made-up citation: “I hate my mind, so I’ll gladly be your brain-suckee. But I have my dignity, and I will never be your butler. However, I will entertain offers for the position of ratfuckee or minion.”

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


noun. Mumbo-jumbo, gobbledy-gook, or other higgledy-piggledy-type gibble-gabble.

Real citation: "Sydney's all, why? Note-Taking Guy's all, we just need you to take some general physical tests -- MRI, lumbar puncture, CT scan, et cetera. You know, nothing too SERIOUS or anything. Vaughn turns to The Weasel: "What the hell is going on here?" Sydney's all, um, how about NO on those tests? Lindsay's all, Agent Bristow, we respectfully ask you to mumbledy-moomba. Sydney's all, BITE ME, BITCH. I've answered all your stupid fucking questions, but if you want to STICK NEEDLES IN ME, you're gonna have to tell me what in the HELL is going on here. Lindsay's all, that's top secret. Syd's all, top secret MY ASS. How's about I take your pale butt outside and do a little top-secret dance on your SKULL?"
(Erin, "The Prophesy," page 4,

Made-up citation: "After the yada yada and the mumbledy-moomba and the jibber-jabber were edited out, the Presidential debates were reduced to nothing but prepositions and some very nice hair."


noun. A painful predicament, when literal, for the ass-owner. In the metaphorical cases, pain is well-distributed amongst friends and countrymen.

Real citation: "Even taking into account the licensing difficulties I suspect that it could have been stated more clearly. And then there's the whole _Lungbarrow_ problem that's brought up by the use of "brother" rather than "I have a, well, the relationship is something like a brother," which would at least have left open the possibility that Irving was a Cousin who avoided being namechecked during _Lungbarrow_ and later managed to overcome the family trait of iron-rod-up-one's-assedness and chose to hit the road."
(William December Starr, Nov. 9, 2001,

Made-up citation: "Like diabetes, alcoholism, and flying-squirrel ownership, iron-rod-up-one's-assedness is hereditary. It can only be overcome through sugar, alcohol, and adorable exotic pets."

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


adj. Sorta kinda like you and me, rulers of the world! The highest rung on the food chain! At least until insatiable mecha-lizards from outer space show up.

Real citation: "Name: Khon'u
Gender: ...think Guy
Race: Human-esque-ish-like"
(The Kneumatic Pnight, Dec. 1, 2004,

Made-up citation: "What an adorable, adorable child. He's...human-esque-ish-like. And he's smart, smart as houses."


noun. The not-so-sweet sounds of male self-love.

Real citation: "3. Position as in #2. Mindfuck me: walk around the bed, talk quiet filth. Let me hear your hand on yourself, soft whuckwhuckwhucking. Kneel astride me and fuck my mouth. Unload on me exactly where you choose."
("What I want," Jan. 26, 2005, Pussy Talk,

Made-up citation: "Note to dorm residents: If your roommate is whuckwhuckwhucking himself while you're in the room, you are permitted immediate relief via the swift employment of a baseball bat."


noun. Beat-the-dead-horsey-tude.

Real citation: "Yup. Real cliche, there. Say--you don't suppose that its cliche status has anything to to with the hoariness and done-to-deathitude of the *thing itself*, do you?"
(Russell B. Goode, Sept. 5, 2002,

Made-up citation: "In politics, which has the highest done-to-deathitude rating: Jesus-mentioning, liberal-lambasting, Reagan-revering, intern-violating, focus-group-humping, or pant-hooting?"


noun. A citizen with the gift of gab, feminine wiles, and a pet monkey. In the interests of accuracy, the pet monkey is optional, and citizenship is irrelevant.

Real citation: "A liberal blowhard or blowhardette"
("The Campus Scout Quiz," Jan. 21, 2004, Daily Illini,

Made-up citation: "Despite stereotypes that insist blowhardettes breed like rabbits and flood the streets of the tri-state area, men are the real world-champion yammerers."

Monday, December 10, 2007


noun. A sudden, moist development. Sources indicate someone took a peepee in the teepee.

Related term: insta-redemption.

Real citation: "Monday, November 6 3:28 p.m. A dashing gent clad in bandana and alcohol made a big splash on the sidewalk outside a Valley West restaurant – the type better confined to a restroom. His getaway strategy, based on milling around next to his acrid insta-pond of processed beverage, proved inadequate."
(Kevin L. Hoover, Nov. 6, 2006, The Arcata Eye,

Made-up citation: "My pooch was so excited to see me that he made an insta-pond of Biblical proportions in his friend's condo. Guess that's why Mom always said, 'Massive, uncontrollable urination is the sincerest form of flattery.'"


adj. Ping! Gak! Meep! There goes my creepydar.

Related terms: cop-outy, sticky-outy, non-sticky-outy.

Real citation: "I've seen Svankmajer's Alice. I get creeped out by dolls in general and this Alice is a doll that moves, doubly creepy-outy (for me)."
(merlot, March 16, 2005, The Third Eye Film Society,

Made-up citation: "Of all my cousins, you are the least creepy-outy. Let's make out."

Sunday, December 09, 2007


noun. Syllabically, crap times six.

Real citation: “Do what I did when I went so long without the Curmudgeon Fix: I watched Cowboy Bebop’s 'Ballad of Fallen Angels' episode until I was braced with enough of what is good and right in artwork, to deal with Johnson’s strip crapolapalooza. Yes, it’s cheating to use anime as a vaccine but dammit, you don’t deal with a plague like Foobville without intensive countermeasures.”
(Jan. 8, 2007, The Comics Curmudgeon,

Made-up citation: “’The Wire is the biggest crapolapalooza on TV,’ said the nutsopath, breaking my batshitometer.”

hit the smutpot

verb phrase. Something naughty leprechauns might know about.

Real citation: “Sharking is a real thing. Go to google and type in sharking pictures and I bet you will feel like you hit either the jackpot or smutpot.”
(HickoryColt, Dec. 6, 2007, “2-8: "Secrets and Lies" 2007.12.06,” Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: “I apologize to web-searchers who tried to hit the smutpot but ended up here. All I have are words, non-boner-giving words."

Thursday, December 06, 2007


adj. The opposite of blessedly-boobed. At least boobaphobes won't be traumatized by alarming deficits in the boobological region.

Real citation: “In a crowd of that many men, maybe one extremely foolish man out of 100 will hit on me. Here, I was completely invisible, which was a blast. When we got really jammed in, I almost felt bad for boobing on those mens. 'Sorry I am touching you with my dirty pillows!' I wanted to say. But they didn't care. Those leather daddies were too busy humiliating each other, drinking beer, and checking out the (non-beboobed) scenery.”
(Aug. 22, 2006, I, Asshole,

Made-up citation: "The Zen master said, 'Non-beboobed is no substitute for cat-bepooped.' I became enlightened and started herding cats."


noun. A multi-poled version of sad-sackism.

Real citation: “July 4th was a bust like I knew it would be. I drunk dialed (though I barely drank) and ended up in sad-sack mode with ye olde partner in sad-to-manic-sackery.”
(July 8, 2007, I love you in the face,

Made-up citation: "Sad-to-manic-sackery is an annoying trait, but it beats leprosy."

Wednesday, December 05, 2007


noun. A polecat-type individual who is awesomer and chrome-platier than his peers.

Real citation: “Likes...: Movies. A little too much in fact. Video Games (obviously).. And all the other stuff I’ve probably mentioned. OH. FERRETS! Perhaps even bioengineered super robo ferrets.”

Made-up citation: “Super-robo-ferrets are a pest; that’s true. However, in many circumstances, they are preferable to super-robo-mole-monsters.”


adj. Sometimes “orgasm-y” just isn’t enough to blow your English teacher’s skirt up.

Real citation: “Ok...first off...your first time will not be "good"...special maybe. but not good. So don't expect some mindblowing orgasmological time.”
(Oct 14, 2002,

Made-up citation: “Astrotechnological problems become orgasmological issues when spacemen get their weenies stuck in the Tang-dispenser.”

Tuesday, December 04, 2007


noun. The next step in our evolutionary journey--if we play our cards right.

Related terms: poodlehuahua, wienerhuahua.

Real citation: “As to the issue of who's been tampering with my potables, well, Mister Malice blames Mister Monkey. He says we should take him back to the Labs, toss him into the teleporter with a dog and see if we can make a ‘chimphuahua.’”
(June 7, 2003,

Made-up citation: "If gays are allowed to marry, pretty soon chimphuahuas will marry hellhounds. Their marriage bed will be a mud pit filled with pig ears, barbecued stem cells, chicken-fried flags, and mud. That's where gay liberal madness leads!"


noun. An eco-friendly hole that may also be dork-friendly.

Real citation: “Wow, cool enviro hobbit hole!”
(Aug. 3, 2007, The Bee Buzz,

Made-up citation: “I feel good about purchasing an enviro-hobbit-hole, though I’m a little tired of chasing the little critters away. Hobbitcest is sick and wrong, and those stains don’t come out.”

Bond villain-y

adj. Slightly less cartoonish than Scooby-doo-villain-y.

Related terms: Bond villain-esque, Bond villain-ish.

Real citation: “They're basically supposed to be the Marvel equivalent of The Rogues. A gang of thieves who use high tech weapons and, in the case of two of them, super powers to pull of robberies, but stay out of the Bond villain-y take over the world plots and are above the actions of cold blooded psychos like Osborn or Purple Man.”
(Oct. 3, 2007, SuperHeroHype Boards,

Made-up citation: “Our relationship is getting stale… Why don’t you put on something Bond villain-y, and I’ll search my closet for something special-forces-y. That’ll put some holy-cowsers in our trousers.”


adj. Crest go boom. Me go sad(ish).

Real citation: “Even though I had kind of spoiled it by being ungracious about red wine earlier so he looked crestfallenish.”
(Oct. 29, 2005,

Made-up citation: “Spilt milk makes me melancholy. Spilt growlers of expensive beer leave me crestfallenish. And overturned vats of virgin blood really chafe my nipples.”

Monday, December 03, 2007


noun. The underpublicized, web-footed cousin of the poopoohead and poopoowad.

Real citation: “lauren lover i miss seein u poopooheadbutt
(May 1, 2007,

Made-up citation: "To understand the true character of a poopooheadbutt, watch how he reacts in time of trouble."


noun. A potentially painful process that, despite its health hazards, does tend to conserve space.

Real citation: “Today, after lunch at the Mexican joint next to the karate school, Patrick and I got into a wreck in his car. For once, I was glad he never took me up on the motorcycle/sidecar idea I'm constantly proposing. That's really the only drawback to the sidecar, instant smushification in case of an accident.”
(Cody Powell, Sept. 2, 2004,

Made-up citation: "I'm scared of heights, women, men, smushification, intimacy, spiders, feral cats, and miffed polar bears."