Thursday, November 30, 2006


noun. A handy word for the holiday season.

Real citation: "I haffff to use my fucking wrist to hold this thing on now because my hands are completely insubordinate and goodbye legs... sure we may want to bolt from this shitty store and at least out there they'll show a flicker of love for something (even if it's my dying FUCKING FLESH), show something not like stony McRockhard bitchassbitch vengeful fuckwitface here but my legs have officially peeeeaced out for good so"

Made-up citation: "When my teenage son called me a fuckwitface, I gave him kudos for creativity and an atomic wedgie for insubordination."


adj. Though hos have replaced hosebeasts, historians find this adjective useful.

Real citation: “I really enjoyed everybody in In Her Shoes. I'd never read the book so I don't know how true they stayed to the story, but the three leads were all very good together. Cameron Diaz's character was so nasty and awful and lazy and moochy that I just couldn't even picture someone like that existing. For anyone who's read the book, is her character that hosebeasty?”
(IssieCol, Oct. 9. 2005,

Made-up citation: "Is a hosebeast a female hoser? If so, hosebeastiness may be a Canadian export."

Wednesday, November 29, 2006


noun. A heroic-yet-euphemistic mindfuck.

Related terms: mindboink, mindfornicate, motherfiretrucker.

Real citation: "The Vatican tells the people to reproduce so that they remain in poverty and repressed and the vatican can continue to mind-FiretrUCK them. I like the some of the magickal aspects of Catholism. For example, the Catholics couldn't talk the Irish into doing away with the Goddess Brigit - so they made her into a Saint. Dah! The Pope and his Vatican Mafia are all full of that stuff that male cows leave in pasture land after eating a bunch of hay. Just my not so humble opinion."
(Lady Wyldbirch, Feb. 9, 2003,

Made-up citation: "Operation Mind-firetruck is a new educational initiative for our nation's kindergartners. It is totally not evil."


noun. A scary, scary kitty with slime.

Real citation: "The only thing is that the tail is a little... off. But I decided that if I were an ecto kitty trying to pull myself together, I might not get everything in exactly the right place either."
("More Visits,"

Made-up citation: "I wonder if I'm allergic to ecto-kitties as well as the real thing."

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


noun. Provoking no girlish squees of approval.

Real citation: "well those leather pants are hardly non squee inducing - I think his butt looks better in those leather pants"
(cancon, April 17, 2006,

Made-up citation: "My wardrobe is non-squick-inducing and non-squee-inducing. It's just a bore."


noun. A jerk with more syllables.

Real citation: "Timefishblue, maybe you should stop being such a JERKATOID"
(Squaw Fish, Aug. 2, 2005,

Made-up citation: "My inner jerkatoid is strong. Unfortunately, my inner Buddha is anorexic, depressed, and has tiny heart syndrome."

Monday, November 27, 2006


adj. Absobloody bloody.

Real citation: "Bulldog stands up quickly and punches her in the nose through the bar; she screams and falls down, dead, face all nasty and hematomeriffic."
(Jacob, "Hero," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "'Hematomeriffic' is another word--like 'scum-sucking'--I hope isn't essential to my obituary."


noun. This synonym for "diversity" never quite caught on.

Real citation: "And this is why we had no HPM for the last two days. Just look at all the differentyness!"
(RubberPiggy, June 11, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I should've studied biodifferentyness instead of literature. I prefer monkeys to Shakespeare."

Sunday, November 26, 2006


noun. A female-y form of butthead.

Real citation: "I'm so not, I'm a buttheadette today."
(bunny, Oct. 18, 2005,

Made-up citation: "When a butthead and buttheadette breed, the gene pool trembles and sheds a tear."


noun. Um, a delightful blend of all that's good and holy and spoogey and robotic?

Real citation: "I said I thought he was a spoogebot, but he was basically okay since he entertained me so much."
(orange shampoo, May 13, 2003,

Made-up citation: "In the terrifying days ahead, nanobots and spoogebots will decide our fate, according to the AP wire."

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


noun. A big buoyant bucket of normality.

Real citation: "What would your personal philanthropic organization hope to achieve?
Nonfuckedupedness, through the careful and measured application of happy."

Made-up citation: "As we head home for the holidays, let's think happy thoughts of nonfuckedupedness that might distract us from our families."


adj. I'm guessing, pretty gay.

Real citation: "Hooray! You have to be pretty happy for the ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-gay John Paulk. He's found a new interest in life after stuffing up the lives of many other people."
(Greg, "'Ex-gay' John Paulk's exciting new career," Oct. 13, 2006,

Made-up citation: "According to the Bible, being ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-gay is very naughty. Or totally righteous. One of the two."

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


verb. To perform the delicate reverse-lobotomization process.

Related terms: dumbassify, de-dumbassify, dumbassification, dedumbassification.

Real citation: "Chuck D offered props to the students for 'working to un-dumbassify yourselves,' encouraged students to broaden their horizons, and called for a greater emphasis on education in American culture, saying 'We need the information in the education to get as much repetition as the entertainment.'"
("Study in Contrasts," Feb. 25, 2006, Uncertain Principles,

Made-up citation: "Maybe if teachers were called un-dumbassifiers, they'd make more money."


adverb. When "tardly" just doesn't cover the amplitude of the tarditude.

Real citation: "Earth to Funked, I wasn't talking about the WHOLE tardnet. Just a very small corner that attracts bombardments from some fantardistically tardtacular tards - MrMultiplePersonalityDisorder, Voss, etc."
(AKSWulfe, Aug. 6, 2004,

Made-up citation: "F-words to avoid when writing personal ads: 'fucknut,' 'fantardistically,' 'flaccid,' 'flatulent,' 'ferret-licking.'"

Monday, November 20, 2006


noun. A dipshit above all other dipshits. Kind of a dipshit role model.

Real citation: "It was an incident that propelled "Mean Jean" to the title of reigning arch-dipshit of the American polity, the favored punching bag of the Washington press hyenas and the best thing that happened to late night since Bill Clinton's cigar."
(Matt Taibbi, Nov. 1, 2006, "NATIONAL AFFAIRS: OHIO BURNING," Rolling Stone,

Made-up citation: "The Pope appoints a select few arch-dipshits to keep the mini-dipshits in line."


noun. No joy in groinville.

Real citation: “Men had ejaculated prematurely in record numbers, and an extremely high percentage of women had come so close, incredible close, viciously close to raging orgasms, bud had teetered on the brink and then tumbled back to the frustrated heat of non-orgasmitude.”
(Matt, “Margin of Error,”

Made-up citation: "'KLPD' is a term for male non-orgasmitude meaning, hilariously, 'trick or betrayal of an erect penis.'"

Sunday, November 19, 2006


noun. A proud colleague of the journalistologist.

Real citation: "During the mid-term elections, there were multiple referendums in place to push voter turn-out. One of the more popular ones had to do with, of course, gay marriage. Arizona became the first state to reject a ban on gay marriage. Referendumologist Jason Jones briefly explained what this meant... People are more worried about the GOP taking another term than the idea of two guys humping in their neighborhood."
(The Daily Show, Nov. 13, 2006,

Made-up citation: "The OED includes entries on the sciences of nothingology, dogology, and squalorology--but referendumologists continue to toil in obscurity like the heroes they are."


adj. Not too contenty.

Real citation: "The Target Powers That Be have taken me off the sales floor. My new assignment is as a part of the group known as Presentation. If today is any indication, Presentation involves getting up at five in the morning and then sharing a shift with the frightening malcontents they don't allow on the regular day shift because...well...they're too frightening and malcontenty."
(Michael, "Dirty Cynicism (or Not A 9/11 Post)," Nov. 9, 2006, Notes From a Darkened Room,

Made-up citation: "To deal with malcontenty elements in your classroom or death squad, use a firm voice and make plenty of eye contact."

Thursday, November 16, 2006


noun. Like truthiness, but with less truth and more supernatural slime.

Real citation: "The ectoplasminess of the Dribblet is just...EEEEE."
(mentalfloss, May 18,

Made-up citation: "The aspiring restaurateur should avoid words like 'ectoplasminess' and 'phlegm' when writing the menu."


noun. A geeky, fanatical retconner who likes boyish things but has feminine wiles.

Real citation: "Surely that would be fangirl, not fanboyette"
(Dessimat0r, Nov. 4, 2003,

Made-up citation: "I'm looking for a family-values-licking, flying-eyeball-swallowing, filthy-dirty-compelling fanboyette. Must love goliath bird-eating spiders and cuddling."

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


noun. A somewhat redundant term for a raincoat-crowd-pleasing film.

Related terms: assploitation, boobsploitation, cocksploitation, crapsploitation, dorksploitation, petsploitation, skanksploitation.

Real citation: "This film is the finest piece of crotchsploitation since 'They live'. The climax goes something like this:"
(May 29, 2006, Post Industrial Brambles,

Made-up citation: "What does Robert Ebert have to say about the crotchsploitation genre?"


noun. Might not be the best booze in the land.

Real citation: "As for keeping the tattos, laser removal isn't something I'd want done with a jury-rigged gadget in an alcove off the hanger deck anaesthetized only by a pint of Chief's still-tini. I can imagine Kara trying to remove it, or cut at it or something. If it came off I see a scar in its place."
(AriEmory, "3-4: "Collaborators" 2006.10.27," Oct. 29, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I make moonshine and still-tinis in my kitchen sink with a can of Drano and the finest hops."

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


adj. Two negatives equal a positive. And, evidently, a lap dance.

Real citation: "Not sure what else they have cooking, or whether it is their church group driving this, but it is odd that Nickels is doing this as he originally ran as someone opposed to such bullshit. But their seems to be a backlash coming - the anti anti-lap-dance initiative will be on the ballot and got three times the number of signatures they needed in an incredibly short time, Licata forced the Mayor to start a JAT oversight group made up of club owners and neighborhood folks, and the press is going after the King County Dept of Health questioning how the smoking ban will actually be enforced."
(Fuzed, Nov. 11, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Much to his chagrin, Mark Strand has not been able to work 'anti-anti-lap-dance' into a poignant, meditative poem."

middle minion management

noun. A low, low rung of the corporate ladder.

Real citation: "do you have any positions for 'minion' open? i'm qualified for middle minion management. excellent references, you know."
(Cecily Monster, June 11, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I don't have a future in middle minion management, though I'd love to have enthusiastic minions to clean the tub and crush my enemies."

Monday, November 13, 2006


adj. When "assy" (or even "asshatty") can't quite cover the magnitude of the assitude.

Real citation: "Members of a peaceful international community can respect each other's spacefaring attempts (though individual members may be quite assitudinous towards other as-of-not yet members)."

Made-up citation: "Last week, while canceling a date, I called her the wrong name. Yes, I am an assitudinous man."


adj. Biblically speaking, before the begatting.

Real citation: "Then again, you could try to be subtle and simply give her a big fat kiss, your mouth all wet with her skankerific juices. That'll give her the hint! But that would just mean unpleasantness for both of you. Hmm. Maybe you could try incorporating bubble baths into your pre-shtup routine. Or, if you're really stuck, you can always make like David Blaine and learn how to hold your breath."
(Judy McGuire, "Olfactory Unpleasantness," Nov. 1, 2006, Seattle Weekly,

Made-up citation: "For your pre-shtup routine, you should read this article. Really. I'm talking to you."

Sunday, November 12, 2006


adj. Feeling bed-shitting fear, minus the bed.

Real citation: "When I said that being afraid is a 'decision', and dying is not, I meant that it's a *player's* decision (in those games without the Courage/Fear/Sanity, etc, stat). That's what this mechanic is all about, and I think there's an essential divide between games that have these type of stats and those that don't. And having a Courage stat in a game is not the same as having, say, a Fear spell which might cause a PC to get all shitpantsy. With the stat, the Fear roll is integral to the playing of the game."
(db savoy, Aug. 29, 2002,

Made-up citation: "Though I've had intense parent training as a summer camp counselor, the thought of having my own child makes me quiver with shitpantsy terror."


adverb. Joyfully and wonderfully, if the joy and wonder were replaced by thongs.

Real citation: "Tough but tender these women's dressy thong sandals from Hot Kiss definitely have an attitude. Smooth patent upper in a thong style with a central metal ringsnap accents and metal spikes for an edge. Toe post thongfully lined interior. Cushioned footbed and a matching patent wrapped midsole. Smooth flat dress style outsole and a patent wrapped 2 inch just-right"
("Hot Kiss - Women's Shania,"

Made-up citation: "The Pope thongfully did something infallible, Vatican sources say."

Thursday, November 09, 2006


adj. A large bowl of ew that's illegal too.

Related term: Skanko-Roman.

Real citation: "You've got that alleged bout of Greco-creepo wrestling in Las Vegas starring Congressman Jim Gibbons."
(James Wolcott, "Spit Tricks," Nov. 1, 2006,

Made-up citation: "If the local middle school has a Greco-creepo wrestling team, you may want to send your son elsewhere."


noun. A first cousin of hissyfittery that's equally unpleasant.

Real citation: "Now, a smarter person would have realized much earlier than I did that at some point, no answer becomes the answer no. I applied for a secondary position, and got an answer much faster - which was again no, partly on the grounds that rebound and general snitfittery are not the best of all motivations."
(March 10, 2000,

Made-up citation: "I wish I were above pettiness and snitfittery, but my inner George Costanza is strong."

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


noun. A wee wee-wee.

Related terms: micropenis, microdick, microcock, micropecker, microweenie, microwang.

Real citation: "Figures microtallywhacker....your boy Bush is backed into a corner and your only response is some nonsense about the devil's spawn. Ignorant."
(JO, March 22, 2004,,-1.php)

Made-up citation: "According to George Carlin, wars are started by the microtallywhackered against the macrotallywhackered."


adj. When "fucking" just isn't appropriate. Or long enough, or something.

Real citation: "Getting back to the subject at hand, I dont believe that HoL should be made into any fuckenizing (eh? you like how I wriggled that in there?) movies or tv shows, despite my prior comments."
(Apung, March 25, 2006,

Made-up citation: "The fuckenizing progress is heuristic. I read that in some spam."

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


adj. A full stack of ew.

Real citation: "You can stop looking for a big huge comedy smash–it just arrived… in an RV! It’s this year’s biggest, loudest, gas-guzzlingest, human-excrement-sprayingest, fastest, loosest, out-of-controlest cross-country comedy road trip of the year!"
(April 28, 2006, The Weekly Blurb,

Made-up citation: "Words I hope will not appear in my obituary: 'problematic,' 'human-excrement-sprayingest,' 'gooey.'"


noun. A quality not recommended by doctors or agents.

Real citation: "I think that right there is just cannonfodderness in play. like a WW1 scenario there. But it does have a redshirtesque fell to it. Weird."
(Captain Gloval, May 27, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I liked when the guy with the Jesus stick died on Lost, even though he was one of the only likeable characters. I didn't think he had any cannonfodderness at all, so his ugly death was a nice surprise."

Monday, November 06, 2006


noun. A woman with eyes.

Real citation: "Snarkiness is in the eye of the beholderess. Name-calling is name-calling, it's not in the "guise" of anything."
(Gerald Jones, Aug. 12, 2003,

Made-up citation: "There's a fine line between a beholderess and a beholderette, according to legal scholars."


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Sunday, November 05, 2006


noun. Look deep into the soul of a skeezeball, and this ye shall find (along with, perhaps, sleazeballitude and sketchballitude).

Real citation: "when one skeeze calls another unskeezy, it really just multiplies the skeezieness by 34. it's called The Pythagorean Theorem of skeezeballitude."

Made-up citation: "As Mom likes to say, 'I love the smell of skeezeballitude in the morning.'"


adj. Kah-splodey.

Real citation: "My brain just went kerplodey."
(Peter Wiggin, Oct. 12, 2006,

Made-up citation: "For kerplodey space porn and heart-demolishing drama, I can't blurb Battlestar Galactica hard enough."

Thursday, November 02, 2006


adj. Dry-butted and minty fresh.

Real citation: "and my new favorite shorts kept me swamp-ass free. Really, these Joe’s Bike Garage shorts made by Louis Garneau were awesome. I fully recommend them!"
(Megan Bilodeau, "sneaky," June 4, 2006,

Made-up citation: "My freezing face, fingers, and dog are not ecstatic over the cold weather, but my nether-regions do enjoy this swamp-ass-free time of the year."


noun. Ratfuck for kindergartners.

Real citation: "Here we have a man accused of breaking into their house in the middle of the night, abducting their daughter, and doing all sorts of nasty things culminating in her murder. Now, my personal belief is that David Westerfield is an evil ratfork who is guilty of everything he’s been accused of, and that the van Dams are not responsible for what happened in any way."
(Jeff, "Martha Stewart and the Personal Hells," June 26, 2006,

Made-up citation: "A 'dirty ratfork' is either a major fucking asshole or a most unclean utensil."

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


verb. To remove ew-provoking squickery from a person, place, or thing.

Real citation: "Everything I would say has already been said, but as I've said elsewhere, I've made it sort of a personal goal to desquickify myself. I have a few that remain and don't even want to be tempted, and I leave those alone. But if a good story that pushed other buttons contained those squicks I would read it anyway."
(Madam Kistulot, March 2, 2006,

Made-up citation: "To err is human. To desquickify is polite."


adj. Bestinked by a Pepe le Pew type.

Real citation: "Readers will laugh at your horrified reaction as your beskunked dog returns to frolic with you -- and learn from your section on hiking safety for pets (including the equipment every hiker needs when taking pets on the trail)."
(Moira Allen, "Writing (and Selling) Personal Experience Articles,"

Made-up citation: "My apartment has a beskunked aroma... Does that make me the skunk? I'll just blame it on the dog."