Saturday, January 31, 2009


noun. A non-kaboomy condition that will likely never be universal, because of those two-legged varmints called "people" you may have noticed around these parts.

Real citation: "Kaboomlessness
Thank goodness the baserunner in this photograph is not A-Rod. Otherwise, we'd probably never hear the end of it:"
(June 2, 2007, Catfish Stew,

Made-up citation: "When the Martians represent humanity in their finest museum, they will erect a statue of an earthwad praying for kaboomlessness while setting off a suitcase nuke. Martian warlord children on field trips will love it."

Friday, January 30, 2009


noun. Someone's cuckoo for crack puffs...

Real citation: "Instead of sleeping, spent several hours panicking about...well, everything in the world, pretty much. Mostly just the usual ('Am I nebbish and spineless? No, wait, am I an overbearing and horrible person? Or is it possible that several people whose opinions I once trusted are actually just on crack, and maybe I'm just a good and flawed and normal person who should accept their basic on-crack-itude?')"
(Sept. 7, 2005, Sarah NotTheDishes,

Made-up citation: "It is so nice to have a President with such a small on-crack-itude quotient... After having the coyotes running the road runner preserve for so long, it's refreshing."

Thursday, January 29, 2009


noun. Verily, 'tis a pestilence, though more slangy.

Real citation: "So, I know I thought summer was going to blow and it kind of still will have a bit of blow-esque-ness to it, but I am looking forward to it. I think its suckassability will be vastly dampened by my undying urge to get the fuck of out school. Finally getting rid of that sophomore attitude will make every day beautiful in its own right."
(April 22, 2008, Livejournal,

Made-up citation: "This is my fourth winter in Chicago, and it has had the most snow, cold, and general suckassability--three things I have a high tolerance for, being from Buffalo."


adj. Inactive, ineffective, in-diddly-etc.

Real citation: "first off, i'd like to raise a virtual glass to my friend rich who FINALLY got the rights to you see, he's owned the dot org and the dot net addresses for a while now but has had to deal with non-diddly-squat-doing squatters on the dot net address."
(Oct. 16, 2003, House Arrest,

Made-up citation: "Who's better? A non-diddly-squat-doing nun or a post-Janet-Jackson’s-breast priest? Only the Pope knows for sure, and he's not talking."

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


noun. Oh famous groin. Oh happy day!

Real citation: "So here's the upshot. We have been trying to overcome our unhealthy obsession with famous sin-zones. After Sharon Stone assailed us with her vaginal tsunami and her cat-woman anatomy lesson, we sought therapy. When Agent Scully was stricken with a bizarre case of uterine worm-hole, we found solace in Jesus and vodka. And when Adrian Grenier went commando in his spandex Richard Simmons Jazzercise pants, we consulted the I Ching and sacrificed a goat to beelzebub. In short, we are doing our damnedest to heal our unnatural preoccupation with celebu-crotch. So why are you doing this to us?"
(Jan. 26, 2009, Can O' Whup-Ass,

Made-up citation: "My crotch is so sad. It will never be a celebu-crotch. Except to your mom."


adj. Far less delicious than choco-dweebistic.

Real citation: "Sorry about that. I feel better now. I just had a nice piece of chocolate with a glass of red wine. Mmmmmm. That hit the spot. A big, tannic California Cab and a bit of dark chocolate... Ahhhhhhhhhh... It doesn't get much better than that... Wine and chocolate combine to form a nearly erotic taste sensation that is almost indescribable. I could eat chocolate with wine every night. Wait, I do eat chocolate with wine nearly every night. That would explain a few things... like my evolving XXL wardrobe... Anyway, as the journalistic and techno-dweebistic foundation behind this site, you know that I'm going to give you my take on the whole wine and chocolate phenomenon. After all, it's not like THE BOB is going to explain it to you !!! NO!!! NOT MR. V.I.P. BIGSHOT WINOBOB!!! NOOOO!!! (Sorry... .must have... more... chocolate...)"
(March 15, 2003, What's New,

Made-up citation: "I'm minimally
techno-dweebistic when it comes to recreation... Ms. Pacman is still my favorite video game, maybe because it's such a perfect allegory for the middle east."

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


noun. A chimp with feminine charms. And wiles!

Real citation: "If you are an undercover human and meet Antonio Santana, tell him you are a
member of the Watchtower's secret police looking for people to excommunicate.
Turn him in anyways. Works best if you are an undercover Womanpanzee(tm)."
(Sept. 1, 2000, Yahoo Groups,

Made-up citation: "Studies show women are aroused by the sight of sexual relations between two men, two women, three men, four meerkats, or a womanpanzee and a caveman. Men are aroused by space battles and lugnuts. So what is it that brings men and women together? About nine beers, researchers say."

Monday, January 26, 2009


adj. Highly correlated with subsequent heart-splosive events.

Real citation: "One of my favorite sandwiches is the meat-splosive Spicy Rizzak made of 50% sliced turkey, 25% crispy bacon, and 25% tomato and onion coated in melted cheddar and hot chipotle mayo, all neatly tucked in a soft and crusty, toasted sesame semolina hero roll. It only comes in a large size, unlike most of their other hot sandwiches that come in small or large. While I always get a small for any sandwich that has that option—it's the perfect size, not too big or small—I never have a problem polishing off a large Spicy Rizzak."
(Jan. 13, 2009, Serious Eats: New York,

Made-up citation: "I'm switching to a meat-splosive diet. True, the constant, caveman-esque consumption of meat does pack on a few pounds, but the quarterly combustive kabooms take it right off."


noun. These legs go all the way down to the floor, where they crush the head of a disobedient human swine!

Real citation: "Get a load of those robo-gams!"
(March 1, 2007, CNET,;title)

Made-up citation: "At the robotics institute, I learned than only fembots have robo-gams, and they are always 'nice'--even on a femkillbot."

Sunday, January 25, 2009


adj. This word's stock is sure to go up. Can't you feel the synergy?

Real citation: "yes? no? maybe? should i not fill all my slots with weird stuff, or do yall think makin a weird hybrid could work? i thought the mindslaver went good, but im not sure if its overkill. it seemed all synergy-y with time vault tho. thoughts appreciated. :)"
(Oct. 24, 2005, Wizards Community,

Made-up citation: "I have known people with a synergy-y vocabulary, just like Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock. It is frightening. Last time I met one of these folks, I cried and wet myself, two moist responses to pressure that produced no synergy at all."

Saturday, January 24, 2009


noun. An ingrate who means business.

Real citation: "Kate: 'What kind of a person do you think I am?'
Sun: 'Umm, a dad-blower-upper?'"
(Jan. 22, 2009, "5-2: "The Lie" 2009.01.21," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "I pitched a movie about dads vs. dad-blower-uppers, but I lost out to a script pitting vampire robots against zombie pirates. In my revision, I think I'll make the dads into gay terrorists and the blow-uppy crowd can be pregnant aliens. That should spice things up."

Friday, January 23, 2009


noun. 1. An institute of poor quality. 2. A sex worker who is just ew.

Real citation: "Currently at the crapstitute. About to embark upon a summer of hard work as the ultimate apprentice according to Miss O'Kane. "
(Nikki Armstrong,

Made-up citation: "I attended the finest crapstitutes of higher education, but I learned everything I know about business on the streets, where I fought for my life every day, like a sea kitten out of water."


noun. Sweet mother Mary on a motorboat, it's that guy!

Real citation: "Valkyrie's That-Guy-Palooza
War movies are That-Guy magnets. (That Guys or Gals are those ubiquitous character actors whose faces you always recognize in bit parts--'oh, it's That Guy!'--but whose names you rarely remember.) It's not surprising--when you have large casts of folks in uniform with the same haircuts, it's important to cast faces with instant character."
(Jan. 8, 2009, Red Blog,

Made-up citation: "Everyone is in this movie. I haven't seen such a that-guy-palooza since I left your mom's last night. Did I say that out loud?"

Thursday, January 22, 2009


noun. The kind of reboot every life needs periodically, like when I went through my own mauve-yet-gritty spandex rebirth in 2001.

Real citation: "I think Tomb Raider really needs a Batman-Begins-ification. Reset the story, show how Lara came to be and give us a story arch about her that is grounded a little more in reality with less magic, monsters and dinosaurs. The stuff that they started to do with Tomb Raider: Legend was good, but could be better. And put some damn clothes on!"
(Jan. 9, 2009, GameCyte,

Made-up citation: "As a doctor, I'm often torn between giving flu shots and performing a complete Batman-Begins-ification on patients. Frankly, in terms of flu prevention, I don't think there's a difference."

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


noun. A powerful military leader with hilarious emotional problems.

Real citation: "7)And finally, I really wish EJO would dial it down. His scenery chewing in Saul's quarters was both laughable and cringe-worthy. Way, way, way over the top. MM was getting there. I'm tired of Adama, the emo-admiral and Roslin, the misguided, self-loathing victim. People still need them to do their damn jobs--especially now."
(Jan. 18, 2009, "4-11: "Sometimes A Great Notion" 2009.01.16," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "At admiral school, all the kids used to call me an emo-admiral, just because the changing of the seasons is so beautiful, it makes me sob... And every grain of sand is so precious, it makes me weep... And every marmot is so pungent, it makes me sneeze..."


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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Dr. Pepper-ocracy

noun. And you thought today was an electoral sugar rush.

Real citation: "Chinese Dr. Pepper-ocracy
Check out Chuck Klosterman's review of Chinese Democracy. I can't believe Chinese Democracy actually came out. I honestly thought Axl Rose would die either at the hands of one of his many celebrity enemies (My dark horse pick? A tag team of David Keith and Keith David, working together like Dexter and Miguel Prado), or in some sort of cornrow-induced brain aneurysm. Axl's dying words would have been some combination of the words 'backing,' 'track,' 're-dub,' and 'fucker.'"
(Nov. 23, 2008, Polivision,

Made-up citation: "Political scientists predicting a Dr. Pepper-ocracy by 2020 have been relieved of their duties and urged to lay off the caffeine, for their own sake and that of their children."


adj. Duh-duh-DUH!

Real citation: "Battle ScarsThe Chemical Brothers - who’d have thought the Chemical Brothers had another decent album in them? It’s their best one for ages, and I love this impending-doomy-sounding tune in particular, sung by Willy Mason."
(Dec. 17, 2007,

Made-up citation: "I hate to be all impending-doomy-sounding, but are you sure you remembered to throw those virgins in the volcano? Mount Hot Death looks angry."

Monday, January 19, 2009


noun. One of the healthiest travaganzas imaginable.

Real citation: "Vegetable-travaganza!
Nothing like a fridge full of fresh vegetables to make one eat more of them! I joined a Community Supported Agriculture farm near my home for the summer and each week I get a share of the farm's current harvest. I did this not only to support a local small organic farm but to ensure that I would EAT MORE VEGETABLES. I admit I have a hard time getting those veggies in."
(May 28, 2008, Livejournal,

Made-up citation: "I don't know what's a bigger vegetable-travaganza: the delicious salad I'm scarfing or the brain-dead bozos I'm scarfing it with. I need to find a new death cult..."

catastrophic underwear failure

noun phrase. An affliction of the undernasties that is too terrible or titillating to behold.

Real citation: "An homage to, or rip-off of, Art Frahm’s pinups of the 1940’s, in this scene our fair maiden has experienced a catastrophic underwear failure. 'Whoops!' she declares, as her failure is made plain to see. Should have fixed that waist band a little tighter…"
(Sept. 1, 2005, Flickr,

Made-up citation: "I used to suffer from catastrophic underwear failure. Now I don no less than six pairs of underthings, underthongs, nethergarments, and underoos before getting up in the morning. I like to feel safe."

Sunday, January 18, 2009


noun. An enthusiastic collector of anthro-whatsits.

Real citation: "There was something the Doctor once said about discussions that made a deep impression on me many years ago. The huge body of lectures and books by this man can easily give anyone an overdose and turn the person into an anthro-nut, an anthro-weirdo, or an anthro-fundy, but one picks up along the way certain profound thoughts and principles and ideas that resonate well with one's own soul, then anthroposophy can be a very progressive and healthy resource for an individual, regardless of how another party may decide to judge the inner life of that individual, especially when such judgements are solely based upon statements typed in public forums on a given subject."
(Nov. 20, 2008, Anthroposophy Tomorrow,

Made-up citation: "I hate when pundits act like anthro-weirdos and robo-weirdos are exactly the same. That's like saying toast is like a pancake, or children are people too..."

Saturday, January 17, 2009


noun. A place that is very needy for attention--like Sweden, with their fancy pancakes and massages.

Real citation: "And come to think of it, why did the UK send our most senior guy T Blair straight to the Middle East when he left office, and not to Sri Lanka, or hey-look-over-there-istan?"
(Jan. 10, 2008, Harry's Place,

Made-up citation: "I'm not going to Hey-look-over-there-istan with you, bucko. I'm simply too enthralled by my lengthy sojourn in I'mboredsowhere'sthepornistan."

Friday, January 16, 2009


interjection. An expression highly correlated with reverse-bummers.

Real citation: "Only a few hours remain before the beginning of the end graces of tv screens!
So! What are your plans for the premiere? Beer? Fancy meal?"
(Jan. 16, 2008, Livejournal,

Made-up citation: "I too feel somewhat WOOHOOHUZZAHOMGYAY about Battlestar Galactica tonight. But I must maintain my stoic reserve, remaining on guard against all eventualities. Gulp. You see, I think my dog is a Cylon: he pooped in my bed, and it destroyed the human race."


adj. Aunt Flo-tastic

Real citation: "Apparently, said girlfriend was, to borrow a term from the top five, 'Feelin' Menstru-iffic' and had a bit of an, er...accident. Hey it happens to the best of us. Sometimes it cannot be contained."
(April 14, 2005, Jana say 'qua',

Made-up citation: "I will never eat here again. The noodles are gnarly. The tea is toxic. The salad has cysts. The meatballs are menstru-iffic. And you forgot the root beer, Mom!"

Thursday, January 15, 2009

metric (bad word)-load

noun. Somewhere between a bazillion and a metric poo-ton. Do I look like a mathematician? I'm only a lonely sailor, on a cold sea...

Real citation: "A really hoppy IPA must have a metric (bad word)-load of aphids in it. No extra charge for the meat boy…"
(July 13, 2008, How to Spot a Psychopath,

Made-up citation: "The temperature is a metric (bad word)-load below zero. My dog is huddled against the radiator. I just took a bath in hot coffee. What do I have to do to get warm, blow up my meth lab? I was saving that meth lab for a special occasion."


noun. An eight-legged ass.

Real citation: "Behind the targeted attacks is the crude Karnelli, an infamous underworld mogul.
Spidey realizes his old nemesis, Shocker, is behind the quake that buried them underground, and manages to stop the vibrating-villian…for now. However, one of the passengers reveals his identity to Spider-man, exposing his relationship to a particular pain in Spidey’s arachno-butt."
(Nov. 20, 2008, Spider-man Crawl Space,

Made-up citation: "I wrote my dissertation on diseases that afflict the arachno-butt, and what they mean for today's Generation Z spider. But the job market is awful... GE just laid off eight arachno-proctologists Wednesday."

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


noun. I just call it Buffalo, NY.

Real citation: "Snowpoca-geddon
It's official; Seattle has become Minnesota:
That's the coldest temperature I've ever been in, by the way. I've been in 9 degrees weather twice, once in Texas and once in Seattle, but this is the first time I've seen 8 degrees.
My f-list is full of the words 'snowpocalypse' and 'snowmageddon,' so I know we're not the only part of the country experiencing extreme weather."
(Dec. 19, 2008, Livejournal,

Made-up citation: "I see another snowpoca-geddon has befallen the land whilst I slept. Damn you, Odin! Why must you poo so coldly on your most faithful servants?"


noun. Of all the majiggies, this is a whopper of a whatsit.

Real citation: "'The problem with Africa is,' he paused, as if he was going to tell me something really important, or confidential, or novel, or dramatic, or all of the above, 'that we do not have an identity. What we had was overwritten, palimpsest, by various other cultures, identities and outlooks. We were also traumatised, by the processes of colonisation, decolonisation and the failures of the newly independent state that all we see is the floccinaucinihilipilification of our character.' What did you say? I wanted to ask. But then, if he wanted to talk to me he would have talked to me in simple terms. As it stood, he was talking to himself including addressing himself with this thinga-longwordsomethingortheother-majiggy. I thought of cutting his head off, putting it a blender so that I cut all his words to manageable, if not rational, proportions. 'We hear of "An African solution to an African problem", but how many of the problems have we solved? You can't solve a problem if you are the problem. That demands very serious introspection and self conquest, something we do not have both the intention and the capacity of doing.' "
(Dec. 4, 2008, Tinyiko E,

Made-up citation: "Oh sweetheart... I lost my thinga-longwordsomethingortheother-majiggy, along with my dreams and my meth lab. I don't think this marriage is working."

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


noun. This essay is a double-agent! Also, it sucks. Two crimes against humanity! Where's my red pen and waterboarding equipment?

Real citation: "The last few days have been goodish, actually. After all the finals panic, I did suprisingly well on my japanese test, and with a few hours to kill before the bike shop opened (I had to buy an adapter for my tires), I went to the library's new books area, and actually, checked out new books--Paul Celan: Selections and some blackwell anthology on epistemology with essays by a whole bunch of professors that I'm going to, eventually, meet over the course of my grad school visits. (call it essay-pionage...or not). I took and nap which seemed like it lasted all last night, and even made a livejournal post appologizing for skipping the party at Stephanie and Jessie's only to realize that it was 10:00 at night (after I made breakfast and got dressed for church). When I saw a party going on next door, I realized the error of my ways, deleted the post, and sat around for another half-hour, reading, before I decided to go the party. I was a bit of a grouch there, I think, but it's nice to go out and remember that you know people."
(May 8, 2005, Livejournal,

Made-up citation: "I've committed essay-pionage before... An editor thinks I've written a trenchant article on the state of the wine bar and what it means for American culture. In reality, I've written a secret Satanic prayer--to Satan!"


adj. A groin-boggling quality that's non-synonymous with gravitas.

Real citation: "she looks very 90s and VPILFtastic"
(Sept. 1, 2008, i am bored,

Made-up citation: "Joe Biden may prove to be a fine vice-president. But is he VPILFtastic? That question can only be answered by America's pants, and they're not talking."

Monday, January 12, 2009


noun. On a scale of zero to zilch, this would be there.

Real citation: "If it's _legal_ for our Administration to use Son Of Carnivore and the Patriot Act to monitor U.S. citizen's telecomms, it should be legal to SHUT DOWN the Iraqi cell networks and make possession of RF transmission devices also a bullet-in-ear death penalty condition. Even so, in terms of Jammers, what they are talking about is the equivalent of Shortstop mortar fuze spoofers for cell and remote firing mechanisms and I _doubt seriously_ if they have enough ERPS or area of effect to do diddly bleeping squat to the F-22's 'sigint collection suite'. Because they aren't doing diddly squat to the Iraqi's telecomms. And because, if it's all like previous generations, the ALR-94 is in fact operating in the 4-5 to 20GHZ FIRE CONTROL bands /well beyond/ the radio and cell networks operating at 750MHz to 2GHz range. Certainly comparing these devices (later in the article) to Carrier Deck environments filled with MEGAWATTS of ATC, INS alignment, ACLS, and radio test is ludicrous."
(March 3, 2007, Above Top Secret,

Made-up citation: "In the winter, my dog spends somewhere between three minutes and diddly-bleeping-squat seconds outside. He is that fast at dropping a deuce and watering the grass. So where's his Golden Globe award, huh?"


noun. An underling who could charitably be described as non-svelte.

Related terms: henchboobs, hench-bunny-men, henchchicken, hench-commissioner, henchdoofus, henchdork, henchgoon, henchmoron, henchnoncorporeal being, hench-poodle, henchscum, henchzombie, underhenchling.

Real citation: "You never fight the god, just go inside and pilfer all the treasure and fight battles. It's examples such as these that take well-worn clichés - such as the RPG blob or bat, skeleton, etc and make that cliché into something fresh and interesting. Not to mention extremely silly. I mean there are conversations you have with the blob 'heavies' - yes tough guy mini-boss blobs who threaten to do you in. The whole scenario is just hilarious, as all the enemies inside the giant blob are laughably weak. Just imagine a three year old threatening to beat you up - would you feel scared? And so it is with the blob henchmen, or henchblobs."
(July 7, 2006, Buttonhole,

Made-up citation: "I have a surefire solution to awkward social solutions: a crack squadron of henchblobs. You'd be surprised how easily social anxiety is forgotten when you're fighting for your life against amorphous, 2000-pound monsters. It really takes the edge off."

Sunday, January 11, 2009


noun. Rule by coughHACKgak! Excuse me... What were we talking about?

Real citation: "As time passes me by, I guess these new catchphrases do too. I remember it was 'tolerance' for a while. 'Coexistence' must be the new 'word' for the 'new generation' according to those companies that define 'new generations' run by people whose business it is to think up 'words' that coincide with 'generations' they are not a part of. I always thought I would be good at something like this, maybe even revolutionary, with words like parahabitation or phlegmocracy. 'Coexistence' is something your mom would say to insinuate who to hang out with at school and who to, well, 'coexist' with."
(Aug. 27, 2003, the quizod of self-evidence,

Made-up citation: "I don't like living in a phlegmocracy, but what're you gonna do? It beats an oozing-cyst-ocracy."

Saturday, January 10, 2009


noun. A substantially less stressful quality than frizzle-frazzledness, I reckon.

Real citation: "Tonight the temps are dropping down into the low 30s, and it's supposed to get a bit cooler than that over the weekend. I had to move Tiny Tim's "sweater" up the priority list. When I was in town last weekend, I picked up a yard of brown fleece. Couldn't beat the price at less than $3/yard! Just right for chicken outerwear.
Learn more about Tiny Tim and his extra frizzle-frizzledness HERE and HERE."
(Nov. 20, 2008, Sassy & Sweet,

Made-up citation: "When I had a long, non-flowing, near-dreadlocky mane, frizzle-frizzledness was my constant companion. Now that I am tastefully shorn, I walk alone. Well, except for the meerkats and hallucinations and orcs."

Friday, January 09, 2009


noun. A quality found in only a few rare hamsters.

Real citation: "Isn't 'spent some time in an army' a pretty standard background for fighters and warlords? Is your objection that studying magic and going to war is too much? Make the character a fighter[warlord] or something, then - the point is that multiclassing into warlord won't provide you with one of the basic aspects of warlorditude until you can swap a power too."
(May 2, 2008, RPGnet Forums,

Made-up citations: "Past employers have commended me on my initiative and warlorditude. In five years, I hope to be Executive Vice-pillager for a major corporation."


adj. Bamf! Poof! Beam me up, jackasswad.

Real citation: "To be perfectly honest I do not understand this glitch at all, but it is definitely a cool one. Be sure to leave the guy a comment on his teleportacious video."
(March 8, 2008, Glitch Blog,

Made-up citation: "Who's more dangerous? A teleportacious elf or a stain-resistant zombie? I don't know. I'm drunk."

Thursday, January 08, 2009


adj. When used in the expression "I'm gonna go quasi-sorta-medieval-ish on your ass!", even squirrels and bunnies won't flee.

Real citation: "On a personal note, since I haven't talked to you ingame about it Rae, it'll be a very tough time convincing Kaeriel to care one way or another about the Sun'S Warmth enough to take that degree of action. He (and kind of myself OOC) sees them as kind of silly and harmless, and especially in a quasi-sorta-medieval-ish fantasy setting, the escort or prostitute is just kind of a thing that exists and will continue to do so, organized or otherwise."
(May 7, 2008, Raven's Eye Order,

Made-up citation: "There's nothing quasi-sorta-medieval-ish about me. I am medieval from my chain-mail latte mug to my dungeon/rec room, where it's always the dark ages, and I am the rampaging barbarian horde of the ping pong world."


adj. In many dialects, this means "eggy". Mmm. Or is that my eggnog a la crack talking? Mmm.

Real citation: "well, the danger that is coming is the abominationistic animals from darkwood."
(Feb. 4, 2008, Shisukana Ame,

Made-up citation: "These days, it's hard to tell the abominationistic beasts from the service animals and beloved pets. Every Tom, Dick, and Lassie has seven heads! I hate these fads."

Wednesday, January 07, 2009


noun. A specialist feared and loathed and despised and pooh-poohed by chinologists across the nation.

Real citation: "Is there a foreheadologist out there with an insight into these furrows, or are they merely evidence of a recent and hasty frontal lobotomy?"
(Aug. 9, 2006, Turkey Yoghurt,

Made-up citation: "Illinois foreheadologists are still searching for the lost forehead of Gov. Blago-whatsit. It could be that his forehead and moral compass ran away together, and now they're starting a family."


verb. Probably involves a doobie. Or an oobie. No woobies, though. Of this we can be certain.

Real citation: "12:15 p.m. Three men ooby-doobied at the center of the Plaza."
(Kevin L. Hoover, Nov. 25, 2008, The Arcata Eye,

Made-up citation: "Have you ever ooby-doobied? I haven't had the privilege. However, in the seventies, I used to higgledy-piggledy till the cows came home. And what a homecoming it was... What a homecoming it was."

Tuesday, January 06, 2009


noun. Like mooseploitation, but with a higher hourly rate.

Real citation: "Joe The Plumber-sploitation"
(Oct. 16, 2008, Schadenfreude,

Made-up citation: "I don't believe in plumber-sploitation. I was raised in a country where the plumbers exploit the people, not the people exploiting the plumbers! What's next, a hot dog puts me in a bun?"


adj. Duh-fraking-uh.

Real citation: "What in the blue hell are you talking about?
Well let's see, I said there have been 3 Black African [as opposed to Black Jamacian] Popes before therefore...
It is painfully obvious that I am indeed speaking of Victoria's Secrets new line of lingerie, slated to premier this summer just in time for the beach season...
WTF do you think I'm talking about? 3 Black Popes. Before. Self-fraking-explanatory."
(April 12, 2005, nV News Forums,

Made-up citation: "My dog doesn't need to explain why it is good to bark at the neighbors, roll on rat corpses, and hump Australian-schnauzer-doodle-whatever-poos. There is nothing to explain: it's self-fraking-explanatory. Arf, woof, aroooo!"

Monday, January 05, 2009


noun. You didn't think that was the real Pope dropkicking six thugs on YouTube, did you?

Real citation: "The Vatican currently employs six stunt-popes."
(David Letterman, Late Show Fun Facts, 2008)

Made-up citation: "Someday, I'll be a stunt-pope, even if it takes 20 years as a stunt-bishop. Of course, I shouldn't look too far ahead. I take my current position as stunt San Diego chicken very seriously."


noun. One of the worst wads in the west.

Real citation: "ETHER! lol i miss you lots! i am on mandy's computer. i hope you dont get sick! katie white is here too and she says you are a poo poo wad and she misses you!!! I MISS YOU MORE THOUGH! you have no idea! and mandy just told me that you come home a week from thursady and i think i need to run to the bathroom before I PEE MY PANTIES!!! its still like 11 Days away though. AND I AM SO MAD THAT I CANT COME PICK YOU UP AT THE AIRPORT!!! PHOOIE. but as i promised i am going to throw you a HUGE welcome home party the day after you get back! and i am so excited! I LOVE YOU HIVEY BUTT SALSA!!!!"
(Aug. 17, 2008, Esther's Summer in Texas, link dead)

Made-up citation: "At the final battle of Ragnorak, the poopoowads and the peepeewads will fight to the death. That's according to my Norse mythology textbook, as rewritten by local scholars like my cousin Tommy."


noun. A coroner with feminine wiles--and three autopsy spatulas.

Real citation: "Plopping down in his old coroner's chair, Noguchi, surrounded by admiring assistant coroners and coronerettes, said, 'Oh, I feel great, I feel good,' and Mrs. Elizabeth Palmer, a secretary who had backed Noguchi at the hearing, seemed to speak for the entire team when she said, 'I feel it was a victory for a great boss, one I did not wish to say sayonara to."
(Bruce Jay Friedman, 2000, Even the Rhinos Were Nymphos: Best Nonfiction, p. 175)

Made-up citation: "My mom was a coronerette. My dad was a zombie. Is it any wonder I'm a high school guidance counselor?"

Sunday, January 04, 2009


noun. Nastywear worn in the nether-region. Or on your head, if you're a Thong Bandit.

Real citation: "That's a sad loss to the music industry. He was a giant (both literally and figuratively) in the business and anybody who can get women to throw their undernasties on stage at them will forever be a hero of mine."
(July 7, 2003, British Expatriate Network,

Made-up citation: "I'm a cool customer. I never get my undernasties in a bunch. I never get my panties in a wad. Only once--in the eighties, during a bad week that involved an astronaut and a duck--have I ever gotten my speedo in a twist."

Saturday, January 03, 2009


verb. The worst part of the buffoonological process.

Real citation: "I haven't been inside a WalMart since July 24, 2002, but it sounds like the same managers are there who caused me to cease giving them my custom. Especially the one who won't run a register. I left an $800 computer and a couple hundred dollars worth of assorted clothes and fishing tackle in my cart and left the cart in line when I was rebuffed (rebuffooned?) by the holier-than-thou schmuck who refused to even come to the front to see what the situation was (two lanes open, thirty people in two lines)."
(Nov. 6, 2006, Friends of South Carolina,

Made-up citation: "I was a suave, stalwart sort. I felt respected in the community--until the council rebuffooned me. Damn you, council! I'm going to speak to the commissioner about this."

Friday, January 02, 2009


adj. Um, let me finish my Master's in fembotics and get back to you.

Real citation: "Has a non-robo-gynoid-cybersexual female character selectable?"
(April 17, 2007, IGN FAQs,

Made-up citation: "I heard you were hiring non-robo-gynoid-cybersexual minions. I think I qualify, except for one nano-mechano-ovary."


noun. A surgical procedure that removes one of the body's several hootchie-whatsits.

Real citation: "Dig the spikes! I wonder if he gets a spleen-ectomy (or who-knows-what-ectomy) if he goes over the bars? Jeez, perish the thought. But spikes like that you gotta wonder. Also spikes on the axle covers and a ton of custom metal all over. I think it started as a road king."
(Jan. 1, 2009, Cartoon Thunder Production Journal,

Made-up citation: "As a doctor of philosophy, I am authorized to perform close readings of difficult literature, full-body exorcisms of lonely seafarers, academic presentations on Foucauldian paradigms, and--in an emergency--a who-knows-what-ectomy on a graduate student of my choosing."

Thursday, January 01, 2009


adj. Not how my dinner parties are described in the town newsletter. Swear to God!

Real citation: "The episodes i remember liking the best were megadoomer and waffles. But i think the standalone greatest things ever made were bad, bad rubber piggy and battledib. I probably liked that organ harvesty episode too. back in the day."
(Feb. 27, 2007, Room with a Moose and GIR Message Board,

Made-up citation: "After my delicious Peking duck, the fortune cookie said, 'The new year will be organ-harvesty and favorable.' Hmm. Guess I have a new hobby to pursue. Mmm. Now I'm hungry again."

Tomb Raider mega-boobies syndrome

noun phrase. Does this really require a definition? If not, I'll be playing Tomb Raider.

Real citation: "I have several gripes about toy human reproductions: girl dolls always have huge heads of an impossible shape and a wire-thin body (the Bratz® merrily took it to a further extreme), while boys' 'action figures' all have steroid-enhanced muscles and for increased contrast a head way too small. (Typical example: the WWE action figures.) Non-caucasian dolls are desperatingly rare: 'African' and other ethnic Barbies usually are just made in a different color, there are practically no chinese, hindu, african, middle-eastern, eskimo, etc. characters that look half-decently realistic. Oh, and what's with the 'Tomb Raider' mega-boobies syndrome? My Resident Evil Ada Wong (came with an amazing plant creature) has bosoms as big as her cranium. Each."
(Dec. 15, 2007, Eolake Stobblehouse Blog,

Made-up citation: "I value many qualities in a potential partner: honesty, loyalty, faith, Tomb Raider mega-boobies syndrome, and depth. Must love meerkats. No freckles please."