Thursday, November 29, 2007


noun. Look out smurfwads and non-fugly-blubber-wads. There’s a new wad in town.

Related terms: motherfuckface, motherfuckhead, motherfucknut.

Real citation: “i switched to tucson recruiters because im sick of dealing with this vegas motherfuckwad
(April 17, 2007,

Made-up citation: “My therapist says I should try to find the motherlovewad in every motherfuckwad. I fired her.”


noun. A virtue that is seldom mentioned in the Bible or the finest finishing schools on the Eastern seaboard.

Real citation: “being popular does not dispel the state of ‘jackassery’. you know as well as i do that popularity does not presuppose ‘non-jackassitude’. one may be popular and a jackass. g-dubs is.”
(Dec. 18, 2002,

Made-up citation: “Fred, you don’t have a scrap of decency. But sweet Jesus, haven’t you got a morsel of non-jackassitude?”

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


noun. A crapamajig.

Real citation: “I think you're right stillshimpy re: Gina. Not only did Pegasus have to do a blind jump seconds before a double dose of nukes came their way, they had to sever the docking thingahoosits prematurely and leave with their knickers down. Unless Gina knew Cain, the soldier, very well, she couldn't have guessed that. Hell, Cain didn't even know that she would try something like that.”
(LFNikita, Nov. 26, 2007, “4-0: "Razor" 2007.11.24,” Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: “I would never pay fifty bucks for a thingahoosits. I wouldn’t even pay that much for a night with your mom. Then again, I’ve never had a thingahoosits…”


adj. Euphemistic to the umpteenth power—we’re talking hundreds of Courics here.

Real citation: “Euphemtastic! Read in a letter, from the director of the ASU School of Life Sciences: '...potentially hazardous substances in the wrong hands can seriously jeopardize the quality of life in our society.' Brilliant. Now, if you'll excuse me, potentially boring works of literature are about to seriously jeopardize the quality of life of my evening.
(Aug. 26, 2003, smoking the bones,

Made-up citation: “Here’s a euphemtastic expression: the freedom bag. I don’t look forward to a future of freedom-probing and freedom-washing—my ass and brain are sensitive.”

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


noun. A useful tool for brain surgeons, mindplookers, and cannibal chefs.

Real citation: “Unless it's a NeuroSpatula of Unrelenting Pain, then....... well........”
(March 28, 2006,

Made-up citation: “Damn it, henchgoon! How many times do I have to tell you to sanitize the neurospatula and exorcism tongs?”


adj. Mmm...tastes like front-runner.

Real citation: “’Decisively Democrat’: include a little of every flavor without committing to exactly what flavor the ice-cream is. The result: a treat that tries to fit everyone's taste but, as a result, is so mixed up it appeals to no one. It's Hilary-licious!”
(Aug. 2, 2005, Wonkette,

Made-up citation: “I am ready for a Hillary-licious new America. Or an Obama-rama. Even a Rudy-palooza would be OK. Hell, let’s elect Satan. Just get me a new President stat!”

Monday, November 26, 2007


noun. Like a cockawhatever, but more famous. Not necessarily more hygienic.

Related terms: celebubot, celebubrat, celebucaust, celebu-chef, celebudrunk, celebudude, celebu-ex-con, celebufreak, celebu-gasmic, celebu-idiot, celebu-mediawhore, celebupod, celebu-rexic, celebuspawn, celebu-shambles, celebutard, celebutart, celebutot, celebuturd, celebutwin, celebu-wraith, golden celebutwit triumverate.

Real citation: “I wouldn't put it past any celebuwhatever--they routinely amaze me with their hairbrained schemes (has SL *done* anything other than be born to famous people?).”
(Dec. 28, 2005, Bad Advice,

Made-up citation: "I'd love to be a celebuwhatever, but I am just a tin-plated robowhatever, built to destroy. Meep-meep, bzzzzzzt-meep, bzzzzzzt-meep."

go mentalish

verb phrase. Go postalish, if not postalish-bionic.

Real citation: “I ruin everyone i've ever dated i never leave a guy and have them either not cry, breakdown, go mentalish or go cold and any combination you'd like to throw in there of all those.”
(July 9, 2007, Nexopia,

Made-up citation: “As I write this, my batshit dog is going mentalish because his fluffball friend doesn't want to play. I swear, he could wear out five fluffballs a day; I should rent him out."

Sunday, November 25, 2007


noun. A perfect stocking stuffer for the buttily challenged or legally compromised.

Real citation: “Seriously. It's like they're begging to be crushed. I can't think of a company with less sense of humor than Sony, and I really can't think of anyone who protects his IP better than Lucas. They're going to combine to form some sort of mega-legal-robo-proctologist, and they're not going to stop until they get to the back of the SWGEMU team's teeth.”
(June 26, 2006, Slashdot,

Made-up citation: “Mom! Joey left my mega-legal-robo-proctologist out in the rain, and its threatening to sue and anally probe us.”


adj. Payback-y; blowback-y; karma-y.

Real citation: “FORESHADOWY GOODNESS: When Giles tells Buffy that this is not the worst mistake she'll ever make, it is very similar to the scene later on in the season, in Innocence, after Buffy has made yet another mistake, of a far more repercussiony nature, in sleeping with Angel and thus releasing his inner beast.”

Made-up citation: “If God is truly a repercussiony God, then why do I have to disembowel my enemies myself? I could use a little help here, big guy—hint hint.”


adj. A word that will never be applied to Barry White.

Related terms: nano-bionic-whateverization, nano-douche-bot, nanoschlong, nanotesticles, nano-wand of love.

Real citation: “My God, Peter. Why on earth you would approvingly quote a man who called the passengers on the two WTC-crashed flights “scaredy cats” escapes me entirely. That you continue to offer these watery mealy-mouthed defenses of that nano-souled charlatan simply makes me want to give up on you.”
(Sept. 12, 2007, Blowhards,

Made-up citation: “Come see my presentation, ‘Nano-souledness: Technological innovation or existential nightmare?’ Free donuts to audience members without souls.”


noun. Like a poodle-in-law, but with slightly less pooping on the sidewalk.

Real citation: “I actually suggested to my mom several days ago that we buy that book for my sis, but I can see that the BIL needs to read it first. If I have to, I will not only beat him with the book, I will have my brothers video-tape it and post it on YouTUBE! (just kidding, but it could happen, if butthead-in-law doesn't cooperate).”
(Nov. 13, 2007, Conservative Underground,

Made-up citation: “According to the critical-period hypothesis, if I don’t smother my butthead-in-law with a pillow this weekend, the baby Jesus will cry.”

Friday, November 23, 2007


noun. Two donuts were minding their own business. Then their life-giving inner goo was so callously siphoned. Those donuts had families, sir!

Real citation: “Apparently the problem was rather more dire than I suspected, as I found out after a three-quarter hour and two-donut-dejellification wait.”
(June 4, 2007, Riklblog,

Made-up citation: “I don’t care for your views on abortion and taxes. However, your doctoral work on two-donut-dejellification is intriguing.”


noun. Fucking abounds. Sometimes, simultaneously.

Real citation: “so, what you are asking for, is a transgenerational simul-fuck?”
(Nov. 15, 2007,

Made-up citation: “A clusterfuck, a simul-fuck, and a castrofuck walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Cheney’s been waiting.’”

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


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noun. Love can happen anywhere, but it’s more likely on the sofa than in a vat. If only someone had told me!

Real citation: “Later, when he comforts her after their failed attempt at some couch-makeouting, I felt it was mostly to further his sexless agenda. He can comfort her, because comforting her ensures that he can keep things status quo.”
(Asa Hawks, Oct. 11, 2006, "The Old Dexter Thread," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: “If couch-makeouting equals first base, then I regret to inform you that your mom has gone to seventh base with five guys in a three-block radius.”


noun. Congressrodent.

Real citation: “Nevada Democrat congresswad Harry Reid has been busted for crooked dealings. Democrats reading this can mince words. They can twist and whine and produce obscure laws and say "technically, he didn't violate X law as it existed on X date." I am sure they will. But that doesn't change the fact that Harry Reid is a crooked scumbag.”
(Oct. 11, 2006, Lou Minatti,

Made-up citation: “When I feel worthless, and there’s no hope, and I might as well end it all, seven words bring me back from the depths of despair: At least I’m not a congresswad. Huzzah!”


adj. Fantastically sorority-y.

Real citation: “friday we drove to college of charleston where we immediately started boozing and i made an ass of myself while singing fuck the pain away. ooops, i was a bit sororitastic.”
(Dec. 7, 2006,

Made-up citation: “Nothing can break the sororitastic bond…but tune in tonight when a renegade nun-in-chief gives it her best shot.”

Monday, November 19, 2007


noun. Technobabble with a dab of bozoness for flavor.

Real citation: “The guy could have said "one tenth of an inch" and been clear and correct but tried to jazz it up by adding pseudo-bozo-techno-lingo and just got it wrong-o.”
(Jan. 9, 2002,

Made-up citation: “I understand very little pseudo-bozo-techno-lingo, yet I am fluent in Klingon, Swedish chefese, and zoo noises.”


noun. Everybody dies, even adorable bunnies, squirrels, and dentists.

Real citation: “I just went for lunch and noticed that it hurts when I try to open my jaw too far. This is entirely new, and originated when I went to the specialist (ontodontist). Maybe it is unreasonable of me to blame, but I suspect his unwisely placed injections are causing this trouble. Need I say that dentisticide is imminent? The only thing stopping my from doing silly things is the fact that I really, really don't want to see ANY DENTISTS OR DOCTORS EVER AGAIN. Sorry for shouting but I do feel quite strongly about the matter.”
(Feb. 23, 2006, Questing Beast,

Made-up citation: “My tooth feels weird after a filling; it felt just fine before. Grounds for dentisticide?"

Sunday, November 18, 2007


noun. Like truthiness, but the slippery truth has been replaced with skanky family fun.

Real citation: “I just found out that Colin Farrell is in a movie of Home at the End of the World! I must have it! Okay, slight incestiness, but still! Such a gorgeous book - though I never got to finish it ;_; stupid library fines! *wants film*”
(June 10, 2007, Only Latin Can Save Mankind!,

Made-up citation: "Barfologists agree that incestiness is less gross than incest, yet grosser than your oozing cyst. That's not an oozing cyst? A thousand pardons."


noun. The art and science of the bippy-smooch--that most practical of all mouthjobs.

Real citation: “If we're all just gonna kiss each others asses, then really, why bother even comin' on here. it's answerology, not asskissology....“
(July 10, 2006, Answerology,

Made-up citation: "As a guidance counselor, I recommend a minor in asskissology to all students, regardless of major. I also provide free chapstick and a Coke."

Thursday, November 15, 2007


noun. A precise mind-molesting instrument. I beg your pardon! A mind-molestation-detecting instrument. Oh my.

Real citation: “Shallow Grave and A Simple Plan are fairly high on the mindfuckometer too. Good to see, anyways :)”
(May 13, 2003,

Made-up citation: “Want to know if you’ve been neurodoublefucked or merely brainboozled? Order a mindfuckometer today and receive a free whisk."


noun. A nun above all others, with the biggest ruler in the tri-state area.

Real citation: “A curmudgeonly octogenarian offers his crumbling Danish castle to the Russian Orthodox Church, but then clashes with the new nun-in-chief about how to run the place in accomplished docu 'The Monastery.'"
(Dec. 28, 2006, Filmchat,

Made-up citation: "Little girl, you can be anything when you grow up: the nun-in-chief, a despotette-wannabe, a celebu-shambles. It's all up to you. Now run down to the meth lab and fetch my slippers."

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


noun. Enrich your diet with coconut-bananas--er, cuckoo-bananas.

Real citation: “[locked from a certain gravel voiced psychonutball guy who shall remain nameless]”
(March 23, 2007,

Made-up citation: "If you look deep into the heart of a psychonutball, you'll find somebody's psycho-love-ball."


adj. A super-sweet, cream-filled period of won’t-last-itude.

Real citation: “Seriously. Binky, did you R-U-N-N-O-F-T with Mister Dub, and now you're living a life of blissful honeymoonitude so you no longer need us? That'd be AWESOME.”
(July 6, 2007, Snider Board,

Made-up citation: “After the honeymoonitude is over, most couples will be challenged by financial, psychological, religious, cultural, and zoological problems. Yes, for some, sheepherding isn’t just a vocation; it’s a romantic comedy.”

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


noun. One notch lower on the evolutionary ladder than your mom--er, than a scumbucket. Your mom is very sweet, a great humanitarian. In bed, anyway.

Real citation: “You will cherrypie! Scumbucketface!”
(Feb. 17, 2007, Conquer Club,

Made-up citation: "English teachers say that 'scumbucketface' is an awkward word to make plural--it sounds too much like scumbucketfeces."


adj. Moderately dumbassified.

Real citation: “Over her shoulder, she says 'well, yeah' like we're semi-moronish for even asking. She continues to walk away, leaving us in the hall looking at her.”
(April 24, 2007,

Made-up citation: "A full box of rocks is moronic; two or three rocks are semi-moronish, according to neurologists. To estimate your own intelligence, count your rocks."

Monday, November 12, 2007


noun. A little adorable poop. If only we could see it, and pet it, and make it our friend...

Real citation: “(a) ... because I'm prejudiced against nanopoop chemistry: George Whitesides, Sumio Iijima, and Stoddart (forgot his first name, the molecular machines guy)”
(Oct. 9, 2007,

Made-up citation: "Compared to big dogs, my rat terrier is a nanopooper--for which I am grateful. Thanks, Odin! You too, Thor."


adj. When "wankery" isn't enough to impress your English teacher.

Real citation: “No. It's self righteous high horse riding wankeristical uh... material? :p Yeah I ran out of stupid words :P so we'll stick with sarcasm, it's easy!”
(June 13, 2007 ,

Made-up citation: "Grad school is to Jamaica as wankeristical is to tropical. I learned that and other problematic lessons in grad school."


noun. An unholy cross-breed of proud man, frightened rabbit, and demented assistant.

Related terms: henchboobs, henchchicken, henchdoofus, henchdork, henchgoon, henchho, henchmoron, henchnoncorporeal being, henchscum.

Real citation: "Ganbare Goemon 2 - Resting in the Ryukyu Resort, Goemon and Ebisumaru's vacation is cut short by the Wise Man of Iga's creation, Sasuke. He informs the two of the evil 'Western' General, Magginesu, who has set his sights on Japan. Having already taken over Oedo, he works on the rest of the land. Being on the other side of the island, the three set out to make it back to Oedo, and encounter Magginesu's hench-Bunny-men along the way."
(Online Life,

Made-up citation: "My finances won't permit the acquisition of a trained cadre of minions and consultants. But I can probably afford some adorable hench-bunny-men--think I'll get a six-pack."


adj. Not reptilian, Martian, freaky, or insectoid.

Real citation: “I'll be a normal persony thing”
(Jan. 25, 2003,

Made-up citation: "My dates have been so insta-hellish lately that I am starting to feel not-so-normal-persony. Or maybe there's just food in my beard...anybody got a mirror?"

Sunday, November 11, 2007


noun. A more attractive wad than most.

Real citation: “Good morning, boobwad.”
(mendhak, May 18, 2006,

Made-up citation: "'An optimist is a person who is always looking for new definitions of the word 'boobwad,' according to some hootchie-wad."


noun. Winkie-wilter.

Real citation: “Those lips, that hair, those bold assertions--it's every neocon's Rita Hayworth wet dream, though I suspect that even the most tail-thumping horndog will find the presence of this goateed git in the frame something of a cock-crinkler, to quote Kingsley Amis again, and the inclusion of this old boulder will do nothing to improve sap production.”
(James Wolcott, July 12, 2007,

Made-up citation: "Ever have sex with your girlfriend in her mom's bed, surrounded by images of Mickey Mouse and Jesus? Um, me neither. I'm also not sure if the rodent or the savior is more of a cock-crinkler."

Friday, November 09, 2007


noun. Brains go bye-bye. Insert explosion sounds here.

Real citation: "Seriously though, it's an open invite. I'd love to work with anybody that is a member of this studio as we are all professionals and the quality of the work being produced here is outstanding in every regard. So who wants to do a ten pager that's going to blow people's minds? I'm a mind blower upper! C'mon!"
(Dec. 7, 2005, EnemyOne,

Made-up citation: "Here's a canine mind-blower-upper: Why is my 12-pound dog brave enough to hump a great dane yet wimpy enough to squeak after getting hit in the face with a leaf?"


noun. A stache of pooey proportions.

Real citation: “Picked up a green flannel shirt and some baggy kakhi dress pants from the thrift store. It looks so fucking ridiculous...And when I throw sneakers and a do rag into the mix, it's over...It's just over. I even grew out a crapstache and everything. I'll have pics before it's all said and done.”
(Oct. 27, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Most bearded men make fun of crapstaches, and many fembots sneer at fake boobs. Well, God doesn't care for other gods, so maybe hypocrisy is divinely inspired, like bingo and vampire-hunters."

Thursday, November 08, 2007


noun. The transcendent essence of that which we all bow to, poop in, or drink from: the porcelain god.

Real citation: “But this one is different. Down near Thaksin bridge, in SE Central Bangkok, there is a public toilet that makes me smile every time I pass it. The attendants have turned it into a magical haven of toiletitude. As you walk down the path, you are surrounded by small trees in pots, and even a water feature full of lotus flowers.”
(May 22, 2006, lexa lotus (everywhere),

Made-up citation: "The new Superman comic attempts to humanize the man of steel by unveiling his Fortress of Toiletitude and seventeen illegitimate super-children."


adj. Blarghhhhhhhh...

Real citation: “Eurgh... anesthetic sucks! Nausea-tastic- but oh do I love anti-nausea drugs.”
(March 6, 2007, Kite Fantastic,

Made-up citation: "If your pill-bottle label has words like 'nausea-tastic' and 'berry-licious,' you may not be dealing with a reputable pharmacist. Consult your pharmacist immediately."

Wednesday, November 07, 2007


adj. Chock full o' non-eviltude.

Real citation: “The Welding mask reminded me of Vader in a non-vaderish kind of way =).”
(Nov. 7, 2005,

Made-up citation: “I don’t have high expectations for the next President. I'll settle for non-Vaderish and semi-mammalian."


adj. Goopy and spooky. May cause ibby-jibbies.

Related terms: ectoplasmology, ectoplasmologist.

Real citation: “Ectoplasmological testing is useless in this case instance. Now if you want to talk UV light testing procedures of Stradivari's varnishes and surface preparaions, bring it on. Make sure you've got plenty of experience before you start running your mouth, though.”
(Aug. 11, 2007, eBay Forums,

Made-up citation: "My dog is losing hair, and the vet can't figure out why... What if his problem is more ectoplasmological than parasitical? Might be time to try the exorcism tongs."

Monday, November 05, 2007


noun. A shitbuckethead, but younger.

Real citation: “he is always an arse that is why we love him so :pwe love that poopoobuckethead.”
(Nov. 2, 2001,

Made-up citation: "My therapist is concerned that I think of myself as a poopoobuckethead. She's trying to talk me up to buckethead."


noun. A quality that's about as straight as my gay uncle.

Real citation: “Finally, straightforwardiness from somebody!”
(March 10, 2007,

Made-up citation: "I admire your penitence, but I deplore your straightforwardiness. Are you done with those pita chips?"


verb. Now you see balls. Now you don't. Tada!

Related terms: deballify, deballification, denutification, renutification.

Real citation: "I know they will be fine, and I know that Marci's friend's dad and stepmom are taking turns staying awake all night so that they can keep an eye on them, I have already given them my permission to shoot/skin/denutify any potential cherry-poppers."
(June 23, 2006, Tidbits O' Chunks,

Made-up citation: "If God decided to denutify all men and start over with a race of self-replicating super-women, do you think I could hide on the moon from his ball-busting wrath?"


noun. A dumbshit qualified to be a nun. Or a rockette. Or a female rocket scientist. Doh!

Real citation: “DumbShitette and DumbShit”

Made-up citation: "You're not a dumbshitette, darling. We'll unfreeze your tongue from that pesky fence eventually."

Sunday, November 04, 2007


noun. A Linus--as Arrested Development's Buster calls the tallywhacker.

Real citation: “Thanks for the phone call today. Your timing couldn't have been more perfect and having the image of Queen Elizabeth down on her knee's choking on the ole' man-chete' totally got me through the rest of my shitty-ass day. THANKS!”
(June 27, 2007,

Made-up citation: "To my daughter: Any dude who brags about his man-chete deserves to be nuked. There are WMDs in the cabinet for this purpose."


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Thursday, November 01, 2007


noun. A multitude of assitude heretofore unimagined by assologists, buttheads, or civilians.

Related terms: crapitudinousness, funkitudinousness, skankitudinousness.

Real citation: “Lucky Charms, almost uniquely among cereals, possesses an irreducible assitudinousness: it will taste like that whether you immerse it in milk, water, V8, Pennzoil or Fletcher's Castoria.”
(Aug. 31, 2007,

Made-up citation: "Ah, the Phoenix Suns...the NBA team with the least assitudinousness. They are a non-assy oasis in a brown, buttocky sea. Ew."


noun. You've heard of "playing with confederate money"? Well, some women are playing with stainless-steel, indestructible, nipple-blaster-equipped money.

Related terms: robo-boob, robo-nipple, robo-rack.

Real citation: “Admit it, you just want some robo boobage.”
(April 26, 2005, TFans Transformers Community,

Made-up citation: "I went into science for the robo-boobage. I'm staying in science for the robo-zombie army."


adj. A poodle by marriage, not by adoption or romance.

Real citation: “I promise a real blog tomorrow at the latest. And then a recap of this weekend's Guyse Family Christmas events will come Sunday afternoon. I'll give you a teaser... it will surely involve chain smoking in-laws, a Christmas Ham, a geriatric poodle-in-law, 2 toddlers, no less than 3 inflatable beds, and Dirty Santa.”
(Dec. 18, 2003, My Little Life,

Made-up citation: "Any wife of mine is going to get a pretty sweet deal: access to my yacht, walks with her poodle-in-law, summers in South Carolina, and three easily treatable VDs."


adj. To quote the great Nelson Mandela: "Ha ha!" Or was that Nelson from The Simpsons...

Real citation: “Of all the possible reasons to get kicked out of school, this one makes for the best anecdote by far. Expelled for politely questioning a fellow student's belief in leprechauns. I would have been much less polite. More laugh-in-your-facey.”
(Nov. 27, 2006,

Made-up citation: "These are difficult times for Odin, with so few worshippers. Please pray to him in a supportive, penitent way. He doesn't care for that laugh-in-your-facey stuff. And he may only have one eye, but his ravens see all--and I mean all, poopstick."