Monday, April 30, 2007


adj. An important stage in the often-academic process of becoming a 24-carat douchebag.

Real citation: "What are you studing? Fucktardaology 101?
yes. and pre-douchebagology"
(Nov. 14, 2005, 30 Seconds to Mars,

Made-up citation: "Future pre-douchebagology scholars will probably study this article closely."


adj. Not recommended by doctors for death-related reasons.

Related words: anxiety-attack-tastic, cat-attack-tastic, heart attacktastic, panic attacktastic, random-attack-tastic.

Real citation: "My stepmom has been to France (and other parts of Europe as well) many times, and she says the same thing about how people eat over there. As Americans, most of us have seen a TV commercial for fast food or pizza or whatever and gone out and bought a lot of greasy heart-attack-tastic food."
(Star Way, July 20, 2005, Lyoko Freak,

Made-up citation: "No grilled cheese sandwich can ever be heart-attack-tastic and bacon-y enough for me. I crave the sweet merciful pork."

Sunday, April 29, 2007


verb. To use one's awesome MILF-y powers on a weak-minded prey.

Real citation: "He sure is one hot hunk a burnin love. thnx for the nice comments isnt he like a grown up now i swear to i out ran the police today, that was sketchy..haha but i would just have to MILFify them if they pulled me over.."
(Big Momma, Feb. 22, 2007,

Made-up citation: "Many hapless, helpless men get MILFified in my neighborhood...there are hot moms aplenty."


noun. The event that started Battlestar Galactica: A mass murder caused by shiny, toaster-like, evil robots.

Real citation: "Granted, escapecar, as you and many others have already stated it would have led to some painful follow-up questions, but where is my Papadama willing to take responsibility? That would have been a great opportunity to give Adama something real to be angsty and torn instead of putting the blame about the cyloncaust on his shoulders alone."
(Reraizure, "3-19: "Crossroads, Part I" 2007.03.18," March 20, 2007, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "The Cyloncaust was a bummer, but Tricia Helfer, Lucy Lawless, and Grace Park can Cyloncaust me anytime."

Thursday, April 26, 2007


adj. Because "fuckumptious" didn't sound right.

Real citation: "My favorite level is the Ruins of Ares. Coincidentally, I'm a very angry person. Cursing is fuck-diddly-umptious."
(Skip, March 13, 2005, Ember's Tower Switches,

Made-up citation: "Everyone who reads my blog will enjoy this fuck-diddly-umptious book.


noun. Sometimes a turdface and a buttface cannot be distinguished.

Real citation: "*sigh* a friend of mine that I admire told me I write like a freshman in highschool. Oh.. the drama of it all!
That turdbuttface."
(June 22, 2005,

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'Blessed be the God who has not created me a heathen, a slave, or a turdbuttface.'"

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


noun. A female apostle of doom! Doooooooooooooooommmmmmmm!

Real citation: "Seems you are quite a doomsteress. Good . Have you heard my band Forsaken? We play epic Doom metal and are playing in Switzerland next April at the Elements of Rock Festival."
(Leo Stivala, Jan. 10, 2007,

Made-up citation: "My daughter is a daunting doomsteress; my son is a shifty shithead."


adj. Beer-scented.

Real citation: "One other thing martinis have in their favor, as I hinted about above, is the Adult Factor. You're not likely to get some drunken mook hitting on your lady friend (or two-bit tramp hitting on your fella) if everyone's daintily hoisting a martini glass. The atmosphere helps, too: soft light, Art Deco d├ęcor and subtle sconces make you feel a little better about downing a few cocktails than a beer-bestanked, dimly lit basement bar. Sinatra takes precedence over Sublime and the latest from So So Def. To boot, you're much less likely to be outed as an alkie."
(Timothy C. Davis, Feb. 7, 2007, Chocablog,

Made-up citation: "Beer-bestanked buxom bong bonanza blast! Beware, bucko!"

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


noun. Look deep into the eyes of George Costanza, and this ye shall find.

Real citation: "I absolutely can’t believe how bad a week I had; it has been nothing but total Costanzaness."
(May 22, 2006, The Snob Log,

Made-up citation: "Researchers are trying to determine if Costanzaness is a universal condition, like incompetence and herpes."


noun. A gas attack of apocalyptic proportions; may be a sign the Rapture is nigh.

Real citation: "YOU ARE ALL DOOMED - NOBODY ESCAPES THE SUICIDE ASS BOMBER! You have been warned - push me one step further and....
welcome to FARTAGEDDON
There can be no survivors"
(April 29, 2004,

Made-up citation: "The medical term for your condition is fartageddon. Please leave."

Monday, April 23, 2007


noun. A close relative of batshititude and bugfuckery.

Real citation: "when groups you would think would be big supporters start publicly outing your shit-nuts-titude... you should know there is a problem with what you are doing. well. if you were in fact sane."
(Sept. 26, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Michael Chiklis deserves another Emmy for his portrayal of Vic Mackey's ever-growing shit-nuts-itude on The Shield."


adj. Pristine and hemorrhage-free.

Real citation: "I wish Sakura would hurry up and get unbloodified ~o~;; Filling in the black streaks in her hair is a royal pain in the ***."
(Celesse, Nov. 13, 2006,

Made-up citation: "My clothes are unbloodified and citrusy, thanks to Wisk."

Sunday, April 22, 2007



Real citation: "It is good, really, providing you don't pay too much attention to the lyrics. It does have to be heard to be believed though. Especially the feeder-fetish-tastic refrain "feed me feed me feed me" at the end. Not Raphael Saadiq's finest moment, it has to be said"
(Pop Boy, April 28, 2006,

Made-up citation: "It's hard to lose weight when you're a full-figured, feeder-fetish-tastic fella like myself."


noun. There is much woohoo going on. Sometimes, that means sex.

Related terms: woohooage.

Real citation: "This does not mean Swinging on a Star will become a wretched hive of gore and woohooery, just that if in the future I want to show pictures of, say, a robbery, I will have the option to show an officer taking a bullet without worrying about the impact this may have on a child/sensitive person."
(Devilfish, Feb. 6, 2007, Swinging on a Star,

Made-up citation: "If I could get through one fucking week without allergies or a cold, there would be much woohooery in my world."

Thursday, April 19, 2007

metric monkeyload

noun. A bit larger than a metric monkey-poo-load.

Related terms: metric buttload, metric assload, metric arseload, metric heinie-load, metric bootyload, metric poop-load, metric poo-load, metric shitload, metric crapload, metric turdload, metric fuckload, metric boatload, metric truckload, metric smurfload, metric cuntload, metric dickload, metric cockload, metric pantload, metric pantsload, metric jesus-load.

Real citation: "Looking at my Netflix Queue right now, I have about a metric monkeyload of Saiyuki to wade through before I get anything else. Maybe... I should give Sanzo less priority."
(May 12, 2006,

Made-up citation: "My age? Somewhere between 28 and a metric monkeyload."


adj. If you speak in tongues, look forward to the apocalypse, and say "heaven-o" instead of "hello," this might apply to you.

Related terms: Jesus-y, Jeebus-y, most-Jeebusy.

Real citation: "Watching a progressive Christian tie themselves in knots trying to defend their faith while not coming across all fundie-Jeebus-y can be particularly entertaining, but the well-being of the nation isn't at stake, so it lacks a certain immediacy."
(Jan. 11, 2007,

Made-up citation: "When life gets higgledy-piggledy--and there's no rumpy-pumpy--I get fundie-Jeebus-y."

Wednesday, April 18, 2007


noun. The primordial dumbfuck from which we are descended.

Real citation: "omg Xplod. Looks like Dino's are still walking around ay Xplod u dumbfuckosaurus."
(Oct 28, 2003,

Made-up citation: "The dumbfuckosaurus is strong and roams the earth in marauding hordes. Even a meteor couldn't wipe out this shit-for-brains, say meteorologists."


adj. I'm bad, Jesus. Kind of.

Real citation: "Key concept: The opposite of "friend" is not "jerk." Lots of guys ask me "why women date only jerks" -- or why, when they try to be a jerk, they still don't get laid. Come on, you guys: men date jerks too (male and female). It's not necessarily a gender thing; it's a stupid human trick. It's something we all do when we're feeling all low-self-esteemish, desperate, or undeserving of anyone warmer than the Great Santini. (Also, everybody, check your perspective: are all those "jerks" out there really bad people, or are they just "jerks" 'cause they got your girl?)"
(March 23, 1998,

Made-up citation: "Read my new book: Girls are Low-self-esteemish; Boys are Serial-killer-y."

Tuesday, April 17, 2007


noun. 1) Douche-osity. 2) Douchebag-osity. 3) Douche-commercial-osity.

Real citation: "He pointedly and publically boycotted the event, handed out a two-year old Dallas Morning News editorial which vaguely outlined something “troubling” about the cleric in question and THEN, in a stunning moment of massengillosity, he utilized personal privilege in order to end the Senate session by spouting bullshit about tolerance while smugly, condescendingly reminding us all that we are lucky to be here in Amreeka, where we’re free."
(Anna, April 5, 2007, Sepia Mutiny,

Made-up citation: "In film school, my independent study--Milestones in Massengillosity--forever changed my directing style."


adj. Craven and whiny and so sad.

Real citation: "Just because Steve C. won't update his blog is no reason for you two simps to keep simp-simp-simpering your simperiffic drivel on every website you can find that's vaguely related to the University of Idaho."
(dr. q, Feb. 5, 2007,

Made-up citation: "When he hears the buzzer, my dog goes into full-blown simperiffic mode, praying to the grabass gods that the visitor is his friend Jed."

Monday, April 16, 2007


adj. Botoxed like Nicole Kidman would do it.

Real citation: "With her frozen Kidmanoxed face I can't tell if she's happy/sad/in pain."
(secretagentman, "03-16: "One of Us" 2007.04.11," April 12, 2007, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "A brutally Kidmanoxed kisser is a sign of recent plastic surgery and seven neurological disorders."


noun. A super-deluxe Acme moron.

Real citation: "youre a damned moronatron ya know that?"
(April 27, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Can a moronatron and a fembot reproduce?"

Sunday, April 15, 2007


noun. The homeland of Commander Cuckoo-Bananas and Count Crackula.

Related terms: Fucknutistan, Wingnutistan, Batshitistan.

Real citation: "Spinoza--anywhere near Whackjobistan?"
(Sallyh, Feb. 4, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I'm taking a summer vacation in Whackjobistan to get to know my roots: I'm half-German, half-Whackjobistani."


adj. Tastes like savior.

Real citation: "Mmmm, messiahlicious..."
(jimtron, Dec. 29, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Try our messiahlicious marmalade meat pies."

Thursday, April 12, 2007


adj. Douchebags aren't made in a day, you know.

Real citation: "then i was walking around in like the strange part of town with some blue road-esque cabins, and ted and i came across all kinds of old friends, like howard crane and bill wright and adam moutafis (pre-douchebaggery i guess because we were chatting away with him like he was a decent kid)."
(mrs. helen victoria sadiwnyk, Aug. 22, 2006,

Made-up citation: "To find the pre-douchebaggery period of some people, you have to go back to preschool."


adj. Hello! There's a dude.

Real citation: "She has some fairly powerful abandonment issues, and apparently her man-on-me fantasies have become thoroughly entangled with her fears that I will cheat on her with some dude."
(April 11, 2007, Savage Love,

Made-up citation: "Few wives want to hear the word 'man-on-me' in their husband's wedding vows or sleeptalking monologues."

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Beavis and Buttheadification

noun. A process that will eventually reduce the English language to "assmunch," "buttmunch," "bunghole," "fart-knocker," and "Are you threatening me?"

Real citation: "Aside from providing fleeting amusement, the Beavis and Buttheadification of music is a far cry from the pioneering efforts of most new genres."
(Jan. 21, 2005, USA Today,

Made-up citation: "I'm onboard with the Beavis and Buttheadification of just about anything. And that's why I'll be your next President."


adj. Because the world didn't have enough variations of "fuck."

Real citation: "So... I finally lost my Philly V-card last night at the Drexel show. People were always saying that when the Roots play Philly, WATCH OUT --- everyone and their baby's mama roll out of the wood work trying to score tickets. On my end of things, the night went smoothly, but my advantage lies in the fact that no one has any idea who I am. As far as people think I am the fuckadocious (other nother) white girl with a mohawk just trying to jock the band and get autographs. Little do they know... Muah... Egg-cellent..."
(Sarah D, May 17, 2004,

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'Do not spread false reports. Do not help a wicked man by being a fuckadocious witness.'"

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


noun. Mmm...some utensils are better than others.

Real citation: "Friction + Pancakes = Spatulagasm"

Made-up citation: "Every time I eat Swedish pancakes, I have a spatulagasm. And I don't care who knows."


adj. Kinda sorta perv-like.

Real citation: "meh, i can see how some of it could be perceived as quasi-fetishy... but then i wouldn't exactly call myself a "seasoned fetishist" either... :("
(lillysdoll, July 12, 2006,

Made-up citation: "My healthy interest in women's fingernails is quasi-fetishy. That, or totally lame."

Monday, April 09, 2007


adj. Fine, upstanding, decent, and pure--with little to no sleaze factor.

Real citation: "The company now has a chance to attract more big-time, blue-chip, non-sleazoid marketing organizations. I'll bet some PayPerPost honchos are shaking in their boots right now, but I really believe they'll earn more by taking the high road."
(Dec. 20, 2006,

Made-up citation: "In video stores, 'Sleazoid or non-sleazoid?' is as essential a question as 'Paper or plastic?' and 'Soup or salad?'"


noun. Anger! Rage! Perturbation! Someone is chagrinned.

Real citation: "A good pissing-offage early in the morning"
(Jan. 7, 2005,

Made-up citation: "A pissing-offage is preferable to a pissing-onage, unless romance is involved."

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Captain Cuckoopants

noun. Brigadier Batshit.

Real citation: "Okay, now my second big HA! moment: Locke killing Patchy. C'mon, how awesome was that?! I heart the Captain Cuckoopants side of Locke. It reminds me of the orange peel scene from the pilot and how I was convinced!!1!!1 that Locke was going to be a Godfather-type and split the Losties into a Island cult/crazy-paste eating group and a "rational" camp (led by Jack). But I digress! =P"
(WalkingDisaster, March 15, 2007,

Made-up citation: "There are a lot of Captain Cuckoopants in my family--enough to staff an enormous military-industrial ministry of nutso bugfuckery."


adj. Somewhat marred, blemished, damaged, flawed, or ruined--but only a smidge.

Real citation: "P.S. hopefully I didn't rub anyone the wrong way with my semi-spoiledish outlook on Macworld."
(macdood13, Dec. 14, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Why do I always end up semi-spoiledish for Battlestar Galactica finales? Damn you, Internet!"

Thursday, April 05, 2007


noun. A doohickey that may be crap-diddly-crap-crap.

Real citation: "Dammit it's been a fuckin' grip since I've posted anything or wrote a journal crapamajig!! Not that anyone would bother to give a rat's right nutsac to read - but meh. LOL"
(Vanessa, June 28, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I'm not handy. I can't fix any crapamajigs."


verb. To remove all things Jesus-y (or Jeebus-y).

Real citation: "Still, I'll throw you a bone. I think some of the attempts to deJesusify Christmas are ridiculous as well. It is the major holiday of the majority religion and it is silly to pretend it isn't. Still, I'll throw you a bone. I think some of the attempts to deJesusify Christmas are ridiculous as well. It is the major holiday of the majority religion and it is silly to pretend it isn't."
(June 14, 2005,

Made-up citation: "After a priest transforms the bread and wine, can a Satanist dejesusify them?"

Wednesday, April 04, 2007


adj. Mmmm...TP for my bunghole!

Real citation: "Macaroni. I prefer the Kraft in a box kind, smothered in delicious pepper and tabasco. Bungholicious!"
(Nov. 18, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Words to leave off your new restaurant's menu: toe cheese, rat, bungholicious, syphilis, swamp monkey."


noun. A PG-rated--though gross--motherfucker.

Real citation: "Listen here, you smegging smegged up mothersmegger. I'm not going to take this kinda of smeg, got it smegger? So why don't you take your smeg and smegg it up your smeg, you smeg of a smegging smegger."
(KrazyTwister, Oct. 9, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Who's more of a geek: A mothersmegger, motherfreller, or motherfraker?"


noun. A kidnapper of the female-ier sex.

Real citation: "If you must do this, I do endorse an attractive young woman as a kidnapperess, though preferably one that doesn't want you to write a book."
(GhostWolf69, Aug. 9, 2005,

Made-up citation: "As a child, I fell in love with my kidnapperess, who was much hotter than the nanny."