Sunday, July 29, 2007

death falafel

noun. A culinary, cartoon calorie-bomb, coming soon to a plate near you.

Real citation: “(When Homer Simpson, playing hooky from church on a Sunday, makes a fat, gooey waffle, he doesn't just butter it -- he wraps it around a stick of butter, a death falafel.)”
(Stephanie Zacharek, "The Simpsons Movie," Salon, July 27, 2007,

Made-up citation: "Our lunch special is a death falafel, soup, and coffee. Funeralization expenses included."

1 comment:

Garvulous Q. Slumpuddle said...

The death falafel continues to be one of Al-Qaeda’s most powerful weapons against the West, along with the IEK (Improvised Explosive Kebab) and the dangerously unstable shoulder-fired baba ghannouj. Untold numbers of U.S. and Coalition Forces have suffered intestinal distress including, but not limited to, Severe Colon Inversion, “Chemical Ali Tummy,” The Flaming Rectum and BaghdAd Nauseum thanks to these new and insidious weapons.

Shortly after the Surge began, U.S. troops seemed to be making advances against the death falafel and its ilk. In June, members of the 1st Marine Logistics Group discovered a secret underground cafeteria thought to be an assembly plant for death falafels and IEKs; Marines discovered more than two tons of fava beans and a cache of sesame seeds large enough to take down an entire division if properly mixed with other volatile ingredients. An air strike was called in when a forward scout accidentally uncovered more than 600 gallons of unrefrigerated tzatziki dressing while investigating a hidden bunker.