get one's who-gives-a-shit on

verb phrase. An arduous undertaking in the age of meh.

Real citation: "My daily excursion to the V-blogs to 'get my news on' as I call it has turned into 'getting my-who-gives-a-shit on.' I think after so many years of daily exasperation at the psychotic political landscape I have finally snuggled into the New World Order."
(June 20, 2007, Deep Fried, http://www.whatisdeepfried.com/blogs10.html)

Made-up citation: "I'd like to help you with your problem, sir; I truly would. In fact, I'm going to try to get my who-gives-a-shit on right now... OK, here goes: trying, trying, trying, ughhhhhhhhh! Well, this is embarrassing. I couldn't quite summon the energy, even from the innermost depths of my being, depths that have seldom been plumbed, even by professional plumbers. Guess you're out of luck. So's your face."

Bat-spatula

noun. It'll flip a pancake or the Penguin, according to focus groups.

Real citation: "BUT DUDE BATMAN HAS EVERYTHING ON HIS BELT!!
'OH NO BATMAN! THOSE SIZZLING HAMBURGARS ARE ABOUT TO BURN AND RUIN MEMORIAL-DAY DINNER!!!'
'Don't worry, Robin. I'll simply flip out my trusty bat-spatula! Now, lets go take those photos of you in your underwear... so I can get that new suit fit just right for you.... yeah.'"
(May 29, 2006, Delteria Forums, http://forums.delteria.com/index.php?s=d7cadf5d75bd8b6d01e0b3453f3530e3&showtopic=1159&st=0&p=18194&#entry18194)

Made-up citation: "My marriage to Mindy was going so well. We had children, a house, three cars, and six TVs. Then she found the Bat-spatula, hidden in the deepest bowels of our basement, where I thought it was safe from prying eyes and foul fingers. How do you explain that to your soulmate? Super-kitchen-utensils weren't part of our wedding vows, much to my chagrin..."

hench-zombie

noun. Kind of redundant. Not a lot of Undead Americans can be found in leadership positions. Some practically need to see a brain in a bun before they'll lurch forward to devour it. Would it kill you to take a little initiative, guys?

Related terms: henchboobs, hench-bunny-men, henchchicken, hench-commissioner, henchdoofus, henchdork, henchgoon, henchmoron, henchnoncorporeal being, hench-poodle, henchscum, underhenchling.

Real citation: "I searched all through the catacombs about three times over and never found a fourth artifact of Bane to open the trick door. Fortunately it was an optional quest so I quit and moved on. Did I miss something? Another little annoyance is that when the zombie girl was triggered to tell me she remembered something of her past, some cultists were a little too close and interrupted the dialogue. During the Zhentarim battle in Elventree (Elventree was beautiful, btw, I loved it!) the zombie girl went crazy and attacked Hilrad and wouldn't leave my party. I was able to get past it after painstaking maneuvers to separate the two dopes so that I could engage in conversation rather than get the 'objects are too busy killing eachother to talk' disclaimer. I also went back to a much earlier saved game point to make sure I hadn't missed something (which I had but it wasn't important. Basically Hilrad wasn't in the movie cut-scene when the beholder zapped him because he was too busy getting beat up by my hench-zombie for whatever unknown reason)."
(Aug. 17, 2007, Neverwinter Nights 2 Vault, http://nwvault.ign.com/View.php?view=Modules.Detail&id=5051&comment_page=2)

Made-up citation: "Santa, will you bring me three video games, one fire truck, and a squadron of hench-zombies? I've been having a little trouble at lunchtime. Let's see Randy Finklebottom try and take my lunch money while MY ZOMBIES ARE EATING HIS VITAL ORGANS WITH PEANUT BUTTER AND A FINE CHIANTI. Happy holidays!"

Johnny Potatochipseed

noun. Some spread joy. Others, manure. For a select few, crumbs are the legacy left behind--and in front and underneath--a legacy that shall last, at least until the vacuum of history makes its final judgments.

Real citation: "10:43 a.m. A man in all white clothing with a matching white gas mask wandered near a Plaza fudge shop, systematically scattering potato chips from a bag onto the sidewalk and ground. But when they arrived, Johnny Potatochipseed was gone."
(Kevin L. Hoover, Nov. 11, 2008, Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/index.php?module=Pagesetter&tid=2&topic=7&func=viewpub&pid=1100&format=full)

Made-up citation: "I enjoy a good chip, but I'm no Johnny Potatochipseed. I only eat crumb-or-splatter-producing food in the sanctity of the home, where I can be showered, hosed, scrubbed, shined, and detoxed before reentering the public sphere. Image is everything; that's what some pretty pictures told me, anyway."

Brichon Fra-something-doodle

noun. Part Bichon Frise. Part poodle. Part frappawhatsit. Part duck.

Real citation: "Behind the screen door was a small curly-haired Brichon Fra-something-doodle. The danty dog looked like a white-haired princess who had finally been rescued by her long-lost Prince. A middle-aged man wearing a skull belt buckle appeared at the door. He looked at me. Then at Snork."
(Jen Kanyugi, 2008, L Street Running Club, http://www.lstreet.org/articles.html)

Made-up citation: "My dog looooooves white fluffballs. A Brichon Fra-something-doodle is right in his wheelhouse, as is an Australian schnauzer-doodle-whatever-poo. I think he has fluff envy, being so short-haired himself; he only wants to play with the hairballiest pooches in the park."

dumpsterette

noun. 1. A little dumpster. 2. A female dumpster. 3. A little, female dumpster--the prettiest at the ball.

Real citation: "After a couple months with his new Julio-Lugo-sized recycling dumpsterette, Ed Copp reports he is, in fact, recycling more - just like the city hoped he would:"
(Oct. 14, 2008, Universal Hub, http://www.universalhub.com/west-roxbury?page=1)

Made-up citation: "Where's a clean, polite dumpster supposed to meet a nice, shiny dumpsterette these days? Not in this dump!"

vend-o-hair

adj. An unpopular feature in these smooth times, when deforestation of the planet and all its inhabitants is of the utmost priority.

Real citation: "Head in Vend-O-Hair machine"
(Don Martin, June 1971, Doug Gilford's Mad Cover Site, http://www.collectmad.com/madcoversite/index-dmd-alphabetical.html)

Made-up citation: "I put toast in the vend-o-hair thingy again. Then I named the slice Uncle Bernard. Would you like to have tea and toast with my Uncle Bernard? Why are you running away?"

ba-donk-a-ma-donk

noun. Ned Flanders calls it the ba-donk-a-diddly-donk. I just call it the bippy, as my proud ancestors have done since Christ was a crawfish.

Real citation: "And Homer Simpson calls it a ba-donk-a-ma-donk."
(Ben Zimmer, Dec. 5, 2008, Visual Thesaurus, http://www.visualthesaurus.com/cm/evasive/1623/)

Made-up citation: "As an old boxing proverb puts it, 'You gotta give ba-donk-a-ma-donk to get ba-donk-a-ma-donk.' Or you can just punch people hard in the face. That works too."

Cardboard Box-istan

noun. In the brave new economic climate, a popular winter, summer, spring, and fall destination.

Real citation: "ABC Money Quote: 'Marvel at their neighborhoods in Upper Hedge-istan, better known as Greenwich, Connecticut.' —Bill Weir, on hedge funders.
ABC Takeaway: People in Upper Hedge-istan might soon be living in Cardboard Box-istan if the economy stays on its current course."
(Adrienne Gaffney, Nov. 14, 2008, VF Daily, http://www.vanityfair.com/online/culture/2008/11/14/thursdays-news-2.html)

Made-up citation: "I'm not worried about the financial tsunami-geddon... I was a poor writer before all this started, so Cardboard Box-istan was always a likely retirement home. As long as my faithful ferret Frank lives in Shoebox-istan by my side, I'll be fine. Maybe not as fine as the giddy men in Flomax and natural male enhancement commercials, but such happiness belongs to only the celestial few."

spiffy-ish-licious

adj. Since "ish" and "licious" cancel each other out, according to the principles of applied mathematical linguistics, we are left with no more and no less than a spiffy state of affairs.

Real citation: "Weeeeee! Thanks so much secret santa! *uploads* Very spiffy-ish-licious!"
(Dec. 19, 2005, PPT Forum, http://www.pinkpt.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=512083&sid=3025837747b3620c0c0c311ca51c4f4b)

Made-up citation: "Whether I'm saving women and children in surgery or terrorizing lowlife criminals in alleyways, I always look spiffy-ish-licious. That's just how I was raised."

higgledy-piggledyology

noun. The science that explains why the world is cuckoo for crack-o puffs.

Real citation: "Higgledy-piggledyology
Is the world simple or is it complicated? Spend too much time listening to particle physicists and you might be forgiven for thinking that the world is simple. Regaled by their popular books and lectures that wax eloquent about the essential unity and simplicity of nature, persuaded that the discovery of a single 'theory of everything' succinct enough to fit on the tiniest T-shirt is imminent, one might almost become persuaded that the world was all simplicity and symmetry."
(John D. Barlow, Physics World, Jan. 1991, http://physicsworldarchive.iop.org/index.cfm?action=summary&doc=4%2F1%2Fphwv4i1a31%40pwa-xml&qt=)

Made-up citation: "Since accepting the tenets of higgledy-piggledyology, my pool game, exorcism business, and love life have all flourished. Even my scent is more higgledy-piggledy-wiggledy, according to stray dogs."

tupperware-thingy-majigger

noun. Looks like tupperware. Preserves freshness like tupperware. Spawns parties like tupperware. Walks like a duck. You make the call.

Real citation: "Yesterday I found myself in a store that is not my favorite. But, I am a captive to the low prices and wide selection. What can I do? While shopping at said store, I split away from Garry and the kids to go find another tupperware-thingy-majigger. We're big on organizing right now. I was wearing black pants, a black shirt, and a green sweater. My hair was a hopeless mess. Make-up? Not sure if I really had any on. It wasn't my best day."
(Nov. 12, 2008, Loving & Laughing & Joy, http://thecunninghamblog.blogspot.com/2008/11/not-that-theres-anything-wrong-with-it.html)

Made-up citation: "Nurse, pass the tupperware-thingy-majigger! These vital organs are going to make vital leftovers, stat!"

nun-napping

noun. Similar to penguin-napping, in some ways.

Real citation: "After generations of varying degrees of being marginally Jewish, and pretending to be Episcopal or Methodist, my great grandmother married an Irish Catholic and was disowned. Then he got ex-communicated for nun-napping. So he converted to Judaism, and they became fairly observant, joining a Chassidic group for awhile, before raising their children Reform."
(Dec. 7, 2004, Family Origins, http://fff.fathom.org/forums/showthread.php?t=18159)

Made-up citation: "You can divide humanity into two categories: nun-napping and non-nun-napping. That's what I've believed all my life, and it's still true today."

crapped-up-ness

noun. The opposite of crapped-down-ness.

Real citation: "Question, does that missing sticker mean the trunk is a replacement. The paint seems to match the rest (insofar as crapped-up-ness)."
(April 11, 2007, The BMW 3 Series (E36) Forum, http://forums.roadfly.com/forums/bmw/bmw-3-series-e36/8357113-1.html)

Made-up citation: "My people say, 'Do not blame God for having created the crapped-up-ness, but thank Him for not having given it wings.' I hate my people."

schmigmata

noun. Yiddish stigmata. Or a regional term for the brave new worlds and civilizations growing in my bathtub...

Real citation: "Stigmata schmigmata: Vatican turns away followers from 'new Padre Pio'"
(March 3, 2008, Schmuckraker, http://www.schmuckraker.com/2008/03/latest-polls-from-texas-and-ohio-show.html)

Made-up citation: "Schmangelina's schmigmata! Schmelebuturds schmanoodling! Schmaby schmumps! I love my all-Yiddish tabloid."

ectoplasm-flavored

adj. A taste that the experienced palate will recognize as ectoplasmological and fruity, with a hint of vanilla.

Real citation: "they make ectoplasm flavored popcorn now?"
(Dec. 20, 2007, Ye Olde Examme Committee, http://www.actuarialoutpost.com/actuarial_discussion_forum/archive/index.php/t-121594-p-42.html)

Made-up citation: "Life is like a choice between ectoplasm-flavored lemonade and grandmother-flavored root beer. That's why they call it life."

robo-maternal

adj. Sometimes mother's milk is motor oil.

Related term: robo-mommy.

Real citation: "Dear Pixie,
My robo-maternal clock is ticking. Get over here, you.
Besos,
Mac"
(Sept. 25, 2008, OtakuBooty, http://otakubooty.com/of.asp?id_post=211492&tab=6&action=st&r=177&page=9)

Made-up citation: "I never had robo-maternal feelings till I bought the Nano-Reproductive Artifact 6000... Now I couldn't be prouder--and neither could my robo-loins."

comedy-y

adj. Not tragedy-y.

Real citation: "hehe! i don't do anything but humourous stuff at the moment it seems o.O; altho in future plans hikari's actually not at all comedy-y! i was thinking the other day how wierd its going to be to work on a non-comedy comic XD"
(Dec, 2, 2007, Livejournal, http://wikivic.livejournal.com/152309.html)

Made-up citation: "Having a bunch of dogs around means every day is at least kinda comedy-y. I'm amazed when Monkey sticks his ass in Jed's face while simultaneously biting Jed in the face. Monkey's face and ass are occupying the same space/face! That's not only funny; it's cosmologically significant."

co-doofus

noun. A cohort in the doofistic arts. Or is doofustry more of a science? Some questions can never be answered.

Real citation: "I think that was pickling. I will give his co-doofus credit for one honest statement; TENNENT: It's all very confusing to me.
If they both just repeated that sentence for their entire show, instead of trying to give demented history lessons, they'd have some credibility."

(Oct. 30, 2008, Media Matters, http://mediamatters.org/discuss/200810300006)

Made-up citation: "'I'm not looking for a life partner--a co-doofus would be just fine,' said my Uncle Edgar to a squirrel, who cursed himself for his lifelong, bittersweet, tragic nut addiction."

nuke-o-puffs

noun. People go crazy for 'em. Even so, they are not part of a healthy breakfast or catastrophe.

Real citation: "What happened the day after both candidates expressed their views? Infotainment hacks came to the consensus that Sen. Obama’s inexperience was showing while Sen. Clinton demonstrated the kind of superior judgment she gets from . . . from . . . well, from sleeping with a working President, I suppose. Yet that is a bizarro version of what actually happened. Sen. Clinton, apparently fearful of being branded as unwise by the same media airheads legitimizing this President’s nuclear 'bunker buster' initiative, decided that she too had to be cuckoo for nuke-o-puffs."
(Oct. 1, 2007, What You Should Think, http://demonweed.wordpress.com/2007/10/01/what-you-should-think-about-presidential-debates/)

Made-up citation: "The true story of the real Count Chocula is a sad one that's been whitewashed by history. He was struck down before his time by a tragic bowl of nuke-o-puffs. That's not the worst part: the whereabouts of Cap'n Crunch were never determined."

semi-quasi-half-baked

adj. Minimally baked--like a crack pipe dream.

Real citation: "UPDATE: 1/19/08) Canada has just issued a semi-quasi-half-baked apology for including the U.S. on their 'Torture Watch List. (but we're still on it)'"
(Jan. 19, 2008, Carpe Baloney, http://carpebaloney.blogspot.com/2008/01/olio-n-miscellaneous-collectionas-below.html)

Made-up citation: "Enough! I'm tired of your semi-quasi-half-baked plans for world domination and damsel endangerment. What kind of secret lair of evil geniuses is this? We couldn't mwah-ha-ha our way out of a paper bag."

paleo-douche

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

turkeysploitation

noun. Gobble gobble boom chicka gobble wah.

Real citation: "We apologize in advance for subjecting you to this image of leading Hollywood torture-pornographer/ turkeysploitation visionary Eli Roth, but we felt that today's combination of disturbing Lindsay Lohan and Brian Grazer imagery, while certainly distressing on its own, probably wouldn't leave any lasting psychological scars."
(June 4, 2007, Defamer, http://defamer.com/hollywood/annals-of-marketing/the-uncut-eli-roth-265804.php)

Made-up citation: "Stop this turkeysploitation film! Send home the basters and fluffers! You are turning Thanksgiving dinner into a Dan Savage column, Mom. Again!"

tire-swing-pocalypse

noun. For an end-of-the-world scenario, this sounds fun. Beats the heck out of the Rapture and death-by-swirlie.

Real citation: "Fourth Horseman of the Tire-Swing-pocalypse?"
(Josh Marshall, Sept. 15, 2008, Talking Points Memo, http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/217165.php)

Made-up citation: "As a camp counselor for eight years, I was lucky enough to never encounter a tire-swing-pocalypse. Good thing too. Three tether-ball-geddons a summer kept me busy enough."

enthusiasmgasm

noun. A gross display of emotion that's considered quite unbecoming by anyone who is not, as courtesy demands, totally dead inside.

Real citation: "Nice hearing from you my brother, keep up the enthusiasmgasm and being a good guy. Cheers my man. Stay healthy, you never know, we could be the best damn tag team. Ill lock on the sharpshooter as perfect to Bret as i do haha, and you can drop a nice legdrop or maybe flying headbutt onto the piece of trash that decided he wanted some of Mike dagger and Scotty Primo. Peace bro ; Puerto Rico 4 - Life."
(July 23, 2008, MySpace, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=55209802)

Made-up citation: "I admit it. I'm having an enthusiasmgasm for the series finale of The Shield tonight. I don't really know what to do with myself. I tried chewing the bark off a tree, and that didn't help. I held my horses--tightly--and that didn't help. I would turn to my favorite refreshing beverage, but I don't want to watch the finale through grain alcohol goggles."

batshit-o-meter

noun. A bonkers-detecting device capable of identifying the pro-cocoa-puffs crowd, even in a crowd.

Real citation: "Between his views on abortion, the separation of church and state, and evolution, Paul earns three strikes on the batshit-o-meter. Thanks for playing and we have some lovely parting gifts."
(Dec. 18, 2007, unreasonable.org, http://unreasonable.org/node/1617)

Made-up citation: "We hope you enjoy the Apple Batshit-o-meter Nano. For best results, do not use in conditions of extreme cuckoo-ness, like death cults and Thanksgiving dinners."

slimeballitude

noun. The one thing, deep down, that separates slimeballs from sleazeballs, screwballs, dirtballs, and basketballs.

Real citation: "Jean Chretien, finally, had a ... no, on the other hand, he seems not to have had any vision at all. What he did have, however, was the common touch. He may have been a thug, a weasel, and a slimeball, but he could connect with Canadians and make them believe that thuggery, weaselhood, and slimeballitude were reasonable traits that, you know, a reasonable person would have. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the politician's art."
(Nov. 14, 2005, The Amazing Wonderdog, http://barkingmadly.blogspot.com/2005/11/hide-razor-blades.html)

Made citation: "The average American President has had a slimeballitude quotient of 263.5, yet Barack Obama only scored 17.9, according to political scientists in my mind."

Vic Mackey-ness

noun. A quality seldom found in bunnies.

Real citation: "Solid. Enjoy all the Vic Mackey-ness."
(Dec. 21, 2007, Jinxworld Forums, http://www.606studios.com/bendisboard/archive/index.php/t-136015-p-15.html)

Made-up citation: "Despite the risks of death, disgrace, and imprisonment, my therapist says I should cultivate more Vic Mackey-ness in my life. It seems I'm wallowing in Mr. Mackey-ness, a common hormonal condition characterized by whimpering 'M'kay' when I should be barking 'Drop it!'"

sasquatchtastic

adj. Hairball-y. A little mythology-y too.

Real citation: "GREAT CAESAR'S GHOST!!!!
Your new photo is SASQUATCHTASTIC!"
(Feb. 1, 2007, MySpace, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=45796020)

Made-up citation: "My dog is so unprepared for the Chicago winter; he has never been mistaken for a sasquatchtastic beast. Fortunately, he pees and poos like a Christmas miracle, or a speeding bullet, whichever is faster."

soul-suckee

noun. Hey soul-suckers! I have someone you're gonna wanna know...

Real citation: "Another one swallowed up by a soul-sucking mainstream game company...
Signed,
A fellow soul-suckee."
(Jan. 25, 2008, GarageGames, http://origin-www.garagegames.com/blogs/38534/14198)

Made-up citation: "Though I don't believe in souls, ghosts, or were-proctologists, even I felt like a sad, stammering soul-suckee after grad school, clutching my dissertation in one hand and a bucket of grain alcohol in the other. By Odin's ravens, you don't want to know what my feet were clutching."

Schtup-a-lobbyistgate

noun. Romance at last. At long last, my sweet lobby monkey...

Real citation: "McCain and (We're the First! We're the First!) Schtup-a-Lobbyistgate: A Lot of Questions"
(Feb. 20, 2008, Hoffmania!, http://www.hoffmania.com/blog/2008/02/mccain-and-were.html)

Made-up citation: "The ramifications of Schtup-a-lobbyistgate are still being felt in the tri-state area, where the schtupped and the unschtupped, the lobbied and the unlobbied, live out their dreams."

dingleberryology

noun. A field of study restricted to twelve-year-olds.

Real citation: "I thought Luna would have studied dingleberryology."
(Nov. 8, 2008, KOBE Headquarters Forums, http://www.kobehq.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1393)

Made-up citation: "It's too bad I studied poems and lattes in grad school, missing out on the advanced seminar in dingleberryology. Maybe I would have learned why my dog loses his shit, so to speak, whenever he has a dangler."

WTFOMGTMDTLAARGBBQ?! face

noun phrase. The first, and often only, symptom of an acronym aneurysm.

Related term: mmmf face.

Real citation: "Oyyy.... somehow I doubt that... Especially with the look from Olivia's WTFOMGTMDTLAARGBBQ?! face when Vic and Ronnie were marching into her office. If they were in fact sleeping together, I would hit Shawn Ryan because that would be so soapy."
(HoneyBee, Nov. 20, 2008, "The Shield," Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=1569855&view=findpost&p=11064148)

Made-up citation: "Whenever I leave, my dog gives me his best WTFOMGTMDTLAARGBBQ?! face. Then he pees on my cornflakes."

ah-choo-la-la

interjection. The mating call of the sneeze fetishist--and, oddly enough, the aardvark.

Real citation: "Ah-choo-la-la"
(Chris Wright, April 23, 2004, Boston Phoenix, http://www.bostonphoenix.com/boston/news_features/this_just_in/dBlogger: Wordlustitude - Create Postocuments/03773024.asp)

Made-up citation: "Oh Gwendolyn, I feel like I never knew mucus till I knew thee. I drank my NyQuil alone; boogers were my only companion. Let's go buy a 280-tissue box of kleenex, and let's use them all tonight. Ah-choo-la-la!"

fat-crappy-tastic

adj. Under the fat and the crap, there could be a compliment. Or an insult. Or a typo. Or a frightened rabbit, looking for a home.

Real citation: "09.21.08 - This is the day I turned twenty-three years old. Fat-crappy-tastic!"
(Sandra Buensalida, MySpace, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=4989932)

Made-up citation: "I don't know how I'm going to get through this week, waiting for the series finale of The Shield. I may have to engage in heinous, ungodly, fat-crappy-tastic words and deeds. Anything to take my mind off Vic Mackey and his bald head and his terrible fate!"

noogie-monger

noun. A pernicious purveyor of noogies and constant companion of the wedgie-monger.

Real citation: "Noogie-monger"
(June 18, 2003, BladeGash Forums, http://www.bladegash.net/forums/printthread.php?t=3549&pp=15&page=109)

Made-up citation: "It's hard to let go of the past, especially when you've been a notorious noogie-monger on five continents, like me. I wish I could un-noogie all my victims, but I can't. No one forgets a noogie, not even the nuns..."

diaper-tastrophe

noun. One of the pungent perils of parenthood.

Real citation: "We had our first diaper-tastrophe last night. Lately Sophie has been tugging on the tabs of her diaper, pulling one side off. Generally, I keep her in clothes with waistbands so she can't get to them. It has been getting cooler at night, though, so I put her in a footed sleeper, with no waistband, last night. She awoke at her usual time this morning (about 6:15, yuck) and I left her in there for a few minutes, just in case she felt like going back to sleep. When I finally went in to pick her up, she was soaking wet. From head to foot. In truth, it could have been MUCH worse, but I felt pretty crappy (see, I wasn't going to mention poop but somehow I couldn't resist) for leaving her to sit in her cold, wet outfit for 15 minutes. Lesson learned."
(Sept. 23, 2008, The Land of Bean, http://landofbean.blogspot.com/2008/09/random-tuesday.html)

Made-up citation: "With the Nappy Whisperer's 20-volume DVD series, parents can overcome any diaper-tastrophe--even a code-orange, 24-carat, weapons-grade poopooapalooza."

enormo-robo-drums

noun. The kind of soulless pounding machine I was raised to admire. Papa!

Real citation: "Tao's production is far too 80's... all screaming synth 'parps' and enormo-robo-drums...but the songs save it. I saw him on that tour and he was magnificent."
(Feb. 24, 2008, MR.com Noticeboard, http://forums.melodicrock.com/phorum33/read.php?f=1&i=266201&t=265900&v=f)

Made-up citation: "In my musical fantasies, I am always a drummer, usually playing with a hot singer like PJ Harvey or Amanda Palmer. Because I hate myself, I was recently replaced in these fantasies by enormo-robo-drums, and the hot singer was replaced by Don Rickles."

hoo-hoo-ectomy

noun. A delicate procedure with an indelicate name.

Related term: hoo-hah-ectomy.

Real citation: "Well, it's Monday, and I don't feel like taking any tests today, but as I was scrolling by the previous post titles the Designer hoo hoo title caught my eye and I had to tell you that I was flipping chanels and Dr. 90210 was on and he was performing a hoo-hoo-ectomy or otomy...whatever!!!!and they showed the part he cut off. It was totally disgusting laying there on the surgical table. Just had to share!!! ICK!!!"
(Aug. 27, 2007, Cranky Fitness, http://www.crankyfitness.com/2007/08/whats-that-thing-in-my-brain.html)

Made-up citation: "If your surgeon frequently uses words like 'hoo-hoo-ectomy' and 'exorcism,' then you have got an awesome surgeon. Your doctor rocks. Can I be your nurse?"

ninja-in-chief

noun. A stealthy leader, good with a throwing star and earmark. Hey, even ninjas need pork.

Real citation: "They’ve have had a particular appeal to me, personally, since yesterday, when Ninja-in-Chief Vaughn Dickson posted an excellent review of my book on the site. Pop in, take a look, and, while you’re there, take a moment to play with the monkeys. Feel free to feed them."
(Richard de Nooy, Dec. 5, 2007, http://richarddenooy.book.co.za/blog/2007/12/05/ninja-monkeys-on-my-shoulder/)

Made-up citation: "I've had a wide-ranging career. Spent a few years as a proofreader, while moonlighting as a power forward. I worked as a barista, monkey trainer, and sociologist, before stumbling into a job as ninja-in-chief for a powerful corporate entity. Keep that under your cloak, folks. The public shouldn't know Target employs ninjas with a 'target' of our own: (insert villainous ha-has here)."

buttmunchosaur

noun. The proud ancestor of the common buttmunch, who is found in so many families and gazebos.

Real citation: "Part of it's a little hard to read, but I think you can get the idea. When I saw this, I couldn't help wondering how in the hell a door can be out of order. Seriously, does that mean it won't open? If so, the sign's pretty useless, don't you think? I mean that would be pretty obvious when it didn't open (although I suppose such a sign would keep people from calling the management, as the sign would indicate they already knew about it). Or does it mean it won't close? No, that's clearly not the case, as the door is currently closed in the picture. I suppose it could mean that, if you do open the door, it might fall on you and possibly kill you. Or it might be broken such that it will only open into another dimension where you are likely to fall prey to the Dreaded Ass Bite of the Evil Buttmunchosaur, at which point out of order doors will clearly become the least of your concerns."
(July 21, 2008, The Chronicles of Abs, http://abschronicles.blogspot.com/2008_07_01_archive.html)

Made-up citation: "I studied the buttmunchosaur in school, but not too closely... I prefer to focus my scholarly pursuits on paleo-doofi and their fascinating culture that has so much to teach us today."

celebu-rat

noun. Not a rat fink, a rat bastard, a sewer rat, or a rat terrier. Nope, this is a rat with fame, and a purse-dog, and an entourage (don't call it a pack). This is a celebu-rodent of the first order.

Real citation: "That darn Bug...she's the first Celebu-rat, i know...."
(Oct. 22, 2008, Flickr, http://www.flickr.com/photos/necilbug/2964751358/)

Made-up citation: "Would you feel better about the vermin scurrying across your torso if you knew they were celebu-rats? Most Americans would. In fact, 9 out of 10 people say they'd never wash their torso again."

were-proctologist

noun. A were-beast who can only be killed with a single silver suppository.

Real citation: "What would that make him? A were-proctologist?"
(May 12, 2001, Keenspot, http://forums.keenspot.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=7313)

Made-up citation: "I've been trying to think of all the canines... Dogs, wolves, and foxes are easy. Then there's the proud dingo and the wily coyote. Can't forget were-proctologists and hyenas, two deadly predators who make even stoic critters jittery. What about jackals? Can anyone help me with this?"

incredu-normous

adj. I am incredulous at the bigness of the something-ness.

Real citation: "So we were all playing in the snow after our blue man encounter, and we kept knocking each other over and doing giant pile on people activities, and my friend Kim and I decided that we wanted to run and leap onto our new school statue of Pierre Marquette, who happens to look incredibly similiar to Captain Morgan (the alcohol drink incase no one got that). So we get a running start and I leap onto him but his hand is stretched out a bit and his HUGE fingers dug into the soft part of my leg between my knee cap and my leg and it HURT! Now I have a bruise on my leg from Captain Morgan's incredu-normous (hahah remember that rach and ktp?) fingers. It was a good fun night I must say. However we are all ten times sicker lol."
(Dec. 12, 2004, Livejournal, http://community.livejournal.com/yaaaaayop/29065.html)

Made-up citation: "I once had incredu-normous hair... Now I am tastefully shorn. I wish I could say I was tastefully seductive, but then I'd probably be a perfume or nethergarment, which would be awkward."

thumb-thusiast

noun. One of our thumbs-uppiest or thumbs-downiest citizens.

Real citation: "Today is film critic and thumb-thusiast Roger Ebert's 65th birthday. He's still in recovery mode from his cancer struggles, but he's been writing reviews for a few weeks now, and we here at The...Pants wish the wonderful fella a very happy B-day!"
(June 18, 2007, my new plaid pants, http://mynewplaidpants.blogspot.com/2007/06/happy-65th-roger.html)

Made-up citation: "I never wanted to be known as a thumb-thusiast, Margaret. In my family, I was taught to never trust thumbs, under any circumstances. *gulp* Is that why I need them so much?"

police-erazzi

noun. Cops with cameras. It's kooky.

Real citation: "Jenna, I'm glad to hear that you had a relatively successful, and entertaining(?), stint with public transportation today. :o) What would have made the story a stand-up comedy routine would be if Policeman #1 were actually the sketchball from your previous encounters! Haha! Oh, well. Maybe these policemen can be referred to as the 'Police-erazzi' from now on. :oD"
(Aug. 27, 2008, Final Four Women, http://finalfourwomen.blogspot.com/2008/08/bus-15-jenna-05.html)

Made-up citation: "I'm rewatching The Wire, season four. There is very little mention of the police-erazzi. In eight years of Catholic school, I also never heard them mentioned. Maybe it's a conspiracy. Or am I just drunk?"

ultra-mega-lift-no-bounce

adj. More support and/or flattery would be illegal.

Real citation: "Having suffered from the age of 13 with what others call being well endowed, i don't agree, i've tried a number of things and yet am never shocked when i run past a window and see them flopping away. Unfortunatly my finances are somewhat lacking, so the possibility of purchasing a $40 ultra-mega-lift-no-bounce wonder bra just isnt a possibility. At current I'm using the 2-bra method. I'll wear a sports bra and then a sports bra tank-top over it. This works ok. Sometimes it feels a little tight around the elastic band but it's still more comfortable than having the ladies flying all outa control. I was wondering though and maybe someone can answer this, if there has been no real significant change in the technology of sports bras in the past few years, why then do most of them cost more than my favorite pair of jeans?
(May 15, 2008, Runner's World, http://marathonmoms.runnersworld.com/2008/05/sports-bra-stri.html)

Made-up citation: "Now that the miracle bra has trumped the wonderbra--even in the crucial ultra-mega-lift-no-bounce department--bra mavens wonder what's coming down the underwire next. Insiders in the bra industry have confirmed that the chocolate-cake bra, the multiple-orgasms bra, and the choir-of-heavenly-angels bra are all in development and should be reshaping local breasts by spring."

exit-row-ness

noun. Roomier than the great outdoors. Greater than the imagination. Fatter than your mama!

Real citation: "I'm actually hoping that I am sitting closest to the infant when I get on the plane. Unlikely, though, given my exit row-ness."
(Jennifer Leggio, Aug. 20, 2008, Twitter, http://twitter.com/mediaphyter/statuses/894049710)

Made-up citation: "On my last two flights, I luxuriated in opulent exit-row-ness. Seldom do I experience such joy as when my quivering lips say 'yes' to whatever responsibilities are demanded in exchange for these primo seats. I'd yes anything for the extra space. The real question they should ask is: What wouldn't you agree to at this moment? What affront to God, Mom, country, decency, or puppies would you not affirm in exchange for life-giving, nap-facilitating, back-relieving legroom? I wouldn't sell my dog to pirates, but then again, I hear some pirates are quite nice this time of year..."

ilk-hood

noun. Cohortitude?

Real citation: "Poor HuffnPuff she has to make herself viable for some reason every election year...no matter what party she decides to join at the time...at least in her mind...and some of her loony ilk-hood."
(June 19, 2007, NewsBusters, http://newsbusters.org/node/13583)

Made-up citation: "I'm always looking for people of my ilk, people whose ilk-hood I can understand. My non-ilk hate me; I've been tossed out of ilks before. Ilkiness is hard to identify, but when I see some good ilk, I know it."

nano-billiards

noun. How do they make the tiny sticks? And the nano-hustlers? At least I know why the leprechauns in my bathtub are so noisy at night...

Related terms: nano-eternity.

Real citation: "The steep repulsive van der Waals interaction potential among the constituents, I–Kr and Kr–Kr, makes this system a 3-dimensional nano-billiards, in which scattering is well described by hard-sphere collisions."
(Matias Bargheer, Markus Guhr, and Nikolaus Schwentner, Oct. 8, 2003, http://www.udkm.physik.uni-potsdam.de/paper/collisionstransfercoherence.pdf)

Made-up citation: "Forget nano-billiards. I recently realized I suck at billiards-billiards. This bothers me. I don't mind being a horrible human being who probably deserves to be dropped from a great height, but I can't take being a crappy pool player. I'm off to the bar to practice..."

Paula Abdul-usional

adj. A specific mental condition not available at this time to Ricardo Montalban.

Real citation: "Soundbite: Paula Abdul-usional
Paula Abdul: I'm tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am."

(July 6, 2007, Blind Item Collective, http://blinditems.typepad.com/dish/2007/07/soundbite-paula.html)

Made-up citation: "I often feel Paula Abdul-usional in the morning... *crickets chirping* Oh, come on, guys. Like every middle linebacker doesn't feel the same way!"

crap-mentum

noun. A propulsive force known in some dialects as doodoo-mentum.

Real citation: "The Mariners have a tenuous half game lead in the race for worst. While an amazingly dull 8-game losing streak has given them a ton of crap-mentum, 6 of their last 10 games are against the A's. That's going to make it extra challenging to finish the season weak."
(Sept. 19, 2008, Mariner Central, http://www.marinercentral.com/forum/lofiversion/index.php?t1272.html)

Made-up citation: "Scientists studying the causes and effects of crap-mentum have come to some startling conclusions: Crapitudinousness is more common than salt, and the only crapfest-free thing in the known universe is the tuna steak at the Bad Dog Tavern in Chicago."

braindeaditude

noun. A condition of the thinkbone, indicating a lack of synapses and clues.

Real citation: "Felsby, how would they know she had no detectable brainwaves? Must have run an EEG, wouldn't you think? Now, what is this proper test for braindeaditude that you assert was not carried out? Wouldn't that have been an EEG?"
(May 23, 2008, Boing Boing, http://www.boingboing.net/2008/05/23/woam-comes-back-to-l.html)

Made-up citation: "I'm thinking of restricting my carnivorous ways to animals that exhibit stunning braindeaditude, like chickens. I feel bad for pigs and their dog-like brains. Of course, this is transparent twaddle meant to justify my continued eating of chickens. Is meat-eating based on intelligence really the way to go? I guess I'd have to support the eating of dumb people too, and I do. In fact, I'll be the first to volunteer, as long as you promise to panini me."

dunderdoof

noun. The love child of a dunderhead and a doofus.

Real citation: "Anything that hits it is already a home run. It's not at field level dunderdoof."
(March 27, 2008, SFGate, http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=22&entry_id=25236)

Made-up citation: "I write all my songs with the growing dunderdoof demographic in mind. How do you think I attract so many comely dunderdoofettes on tour?"

lav-love

noun. The kind of romance that can only happen in close proximity to a toilet--the mile high club's equivalent of a candlelit dinner.

Real citation: "If lav-love is not your idea of a good time but you're still intent on becoming a mile-higher, there's always Mile High Atlanta, a charter-plane company that takes couples on sex flights. For $379, you can hire a tiny Piper propeller plane outfitted with a mattress, a bottle of champagne and an extremely discreet pilot. The ride lasts an hour and, not that you'll notice, flies you over the gloriously rural west Georgia countryside."
(Judy McGuire, Oct. 21, 2008, Time, http://www.time.com/time/travel/article/0,31542,1849175,00.html)

Made-up citation: "I've lived 36 years without sampling the fruits of airplane lav-love, and I hope I can say the same 36 years from now. I don't even enjoy going to the bathroom in those bathrooms, so why would I want to get all Barry White in there?"

va-vavoominess

noun. Hubba-hubba-itude.

Real citation: "The other woman? Still the perfume girl at the Saks Fifth Avenue cosmetics counter, the role that helped catapult Crawford to fame, played here with cartoony va-vavoominess by Eva Mendes."
(Christy Lemire, Sept. 12, 2008, Philadelphia Inquirer, link dead)

Made-up citation: "I admire many qualities in your daughter: her integrity, woodworking, and va-vavoominess are all top-shelf. May I take her to the ball, sir? I'd also like to compliment you on your family's fine collection of decorative skulls."

disastro-catastro-pheeeeeeee

noun. A quantity of no-good-ness that can only be measured with the catastrometer.

Real citation: "Disatro-catasro-pheeeeeeee
GAG ME.
My mom is in the hospital for a few days. I opened this blog at the time we rushed her to the ER."
(Feb. 9, 2008, Trials and Tribulations, http://shootthepirate.blogspot.com/2008/02/disatro-catasro-pheeeeeeee.html)

Made-up citation: "I've been making many toasts this week, like 'America: Not assholes 100% of the time!' and 'Finally, our long national disastro-catastro-pheeeeeeee is over.'"

ignoramusette

noun. Gee, who could this word be coined for? I wonder...

Real citation: "The Ignoramusette Doesn't Understand Why Roe v. Wade is Bad Law, Can't Think of Single Supreme Court Case She Doesn't Like"
(Debbie Schlussel, Oct. 2, 2008, http://www.debbieschlussel.com/archives/2008/10/the_ignoramuset.html)

Made-up citation: "Don't call my sister an ignoramusette! She's actually a moronwad, just like me and Paw and Griffin, the family chicken."

schmerebellum

noun. The most Yiddish area of the brain, where bagels bloom and even the synapses kvetch.

Real citation: "All the ones with their brains inserted backwards …as God said: 'Cerebrum? Cerebellum? Schmerebellum? Which way does it go in?'"
(April 1999, Australian Skeptics, http://www.skeptics.com.au/quiz/1999/9904.htm)

Made-up citation: "Oooh, my schmerebellum hurts. Ouch vey!"

whelm scale

noun phrase. A device capable of measuring overwhelmitude, underwhelmitude, and various whelms in between.

Real citation: "I needed to fit him on my Whelm Scale. He ended up landing 'under.' Oden ran with—there's no other way to say it—a noticeable limp. His body sank within itself, like the token tall guy in college who decides it's better to slump than to listen to tall jokes for the next four years. He jogged every time there was an opportunity to jog. Physically, he didn't seem any more intimidating than his teammate LaMarcus Aldridge. Everything about his body language said, "I'm not healthy or confident in my body yet.""
(Nov. 4, 2008, Bill Simmons, ESPN.com, http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3683493)

Made-up citation: "I thought Florida had nothing going for it besides doddering retirees, fake breasts, and Mickey Mouse, but I have eaten sushi this week that scored a kabillion on the whelm scale. I'd cuddle this sushi at night like a teddy bear, if only the standards of my community and the honor code permitted."

astrocaust

noun. Like a Cyloncaust, kinda. Do I look like a spacecaustologist?

Real citation: "Astrocaust."
(Feb. 6, 2007, SER Board, http://serboard.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=8066&sid=8a3f844f2cfa788edb8abf02eaccca15)

Made-up citation: "In astronaut training, we cover the dangers of astrocaust in week one. Week two is an intense, hands-on seminar in the art and science of maximum absorbency garments. Then we hand out the space blasters and get to work."

anti-anti-anti-anti-American

adj. USA! USA! Hmm, or not.

Real citation: "Anti-anti-anti-anti-american
There is a little fuss brewing over at Lefty Conspiracy about the America in the World blog. Frankly the sound of repeated comfort-zone positions is pretty deafening, with neither side addressing the arguments of the other much."
(Aug. 22, 2008, Joe's Extra Bold Blog, http://joeotten.blogspot.com/2008/08/anti-anti-anti-anti-american.html)

Made-up citation: "I always vote for anti-anti-anti-anti-American candidates. And not just any anti-anti-anti-anti-Americans--the REAL anti-anti-anti-anti-Americans. Just like our forefathers, foremamas, and forecritters intended."

non-sleazebucket

adj. A citizen who is lacking all sleazebuckety qualities, unlike some sleazoids I won't mention, like your mom.

Real citation: "My pet peeve nowadays: male enhancement and pee enhancement drugs commercials on TV. If they could do them in a non-sleaze bucket way, I suppose they wouldn't bother me."
(Feb. 18, 2007, Patriots Planet, http://www.patriotsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?s=&threadid=21694)

Made-up citation: "Sleazebucket or non-sleazebucket? That's the question I ask myself every day, whether I'm grooming my Guinness-quality mustache or auditioning minions for the local dungeon's talent show."

meatorexic

noun. A dead-flesh-o-phile.

Real citation: "I think the prices at this location might be more expensive, more than the website lists, but it's still a good deal for a filling, healthy, protein rich meal, because after all, I may not adore the red stuff, but I ain't no meatorexic either."
(Aug. 11, 2007, Yelp, http://www.yelp.com/biz/zankou-chicken-burbank-2)

Made-up citation: "I lived with a meatorexic once... He used to eat slices of salami like they were potato chips. My name is Mark Peters, and I approved this disturbing college memory."

fembot-in-training

noun. Every great fembot was once an innocent little toaster oven who needed nurturing and mentoring. Won't you nurture a toaster oven today?

Real citation: "Also, I think that the media honeymoon for Palin is over now. Her interview with Charlie Gibson has revealed her pretty much for what she is: a McCain fembot in training. All her answers seemed to come right off the index card, and even then, she wasn't well prepared enough to avoid looking uninformed and generally green."
(Sept. 12, 2008, Silliman's Blog, http://ronsilliman.blogspot.com/2008/09/underestimating-gov.html)

Made-up citation: "I resent your calling my daughter Samantha a fembot-in-training. In fact, she is a full-fledged, 24-carat, major-league, deep-dish, weapons-grade turbo-fembot approved by 5 out of 6 professors of fembotics."

buttpire

noun. 1) A blood-sucking butterfly. 2) A bloodsucking buttmunch. 3) A bloodsucking buttockial region.

Real citation: "General Logic:
LOOK!
VAMPIRE BUTTERFLY!
Lankist:
BUTTPIRE"
(March 17, 2008, http://peta-sucks.com/smf/index.php?topic=32534.10;wap2)

Made-up citation: "On Halloween, my castle was besieged by 14 trick-or-treaters and a trio of buttpires. Oh, the buttmanity!"

worth-ish-y

adj. We're not worthy! We're not worthy! Um, apparently not.

Real citation: "My assessment of the worthlessness of this content doesn’t mean that it’s not worth-ish-y. I’m not quite the best when it comes to spotting trends and value on the Internet because I still don’t see the point of MySpace, but it seems to me that this could be the next big thing. What’s more Internet than monotonic emo children preening and complaining about something they just watched on YouTube? Nothing! It’s MySpace redux."
(Feb. 20, 2007, Whatever's Interesting, http://whateversinteresting.com/category/technology/youtube/)

Made-up citation: "Oh my sweet Evelyn, I am not worthy of you. Unfortunately, I seem to be worth-ish-y of your sister Bernadette."

neo-nympho-super-race

noun. Guess whose Christmas list just got bigger?

Real citation: "as if Parisite Hilton and her neo-nympho-super-race of slutonic crackwhores isn't bringing the country's rep down enough.. the gov't continues to help with the job"
(Dec. 10, 2007, VN Boards, http://vnboards.ign.com/wow_asylum/b22603/105578207/p1/)

Made-up citation: "Judge a neo-nympho-super-race by their deeds, not their words."