catastrometer

noun. Can be found in the toolshed next to the disastroscope and the weed-whacker.

Real citation: “I think what she said about obama was only picked up by the news because she is famous and it was an outrageous thing to say. She also made news fairly recently by saying that the IRA had been a bigger terrorist deal for the UK than 9/11 was for the US , which is, in my opinion, a dumb thing to say, not because it's wrong, but because it makes no sense. What, is one supposed to put the data through a catastrometer or something?”
(Feb. 11, 2008, http://2012.tribe.net/thread/5f692a96-74ad-4319-b61c-905155819717)

Made-up citation: “I hope the next President has a catastrometer in his utility belt or a brain in his noodle. Either would suffice.”