man-slutitude

noun. This is what happens when a bro is a ho.

Related terms: slutitude, emotional slutitude, Secretary of Slutitude, Fortress of Slutitude.

Real citation: "You guys say what you want, but I'm proud of my man-slutitude"
(NemoReturnsAgain, Oct. 28, 2004, http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:7ey4EZiDp6kJ:www.rpgreality.com/forums/index.php%3Fshowtopic%3D6098%26view%3Dnew+%22man-slutitude%22&hl=en)

Made-up citation: “I’ve never been manly or slutty enough for man-slutitude. I’ve had to settle for nitpickitude, crackpotitude, dicksmackitude, and fucknutitude.”

takething

gerund. Taking--but only in the most holy, good, biblical way.

Real citation: "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Sometimes the giveth seems a little disproportionate to the taketh. There seems to be a lot more takething going on, but there it is. Perhaps if more of you attended church on Sundays, the Lord would not have felt it necessary to punish us by takething this little boy."
(Priest Maxi, "Spontaneous Combustion," April 14, 1999, South Park)

Made-up citation: "“If the good lord were takething stuff on The Simpsons, would his holiness be yoinkething as well?”

wet sock for brain

idiom. This refers to the dumbest of the dumbasses, the munchiest of the buttmunches, and the assiest of the assbutts.

Real citation: "Yes, I know what you're thinking: "Tell me something else I don't already know."
But some things can't be reiterated enough.
Such as: Michael Medved is an idiot. He has a wet sock for brain. A thumbless grasp of the issues and a propensity for lachrymose whimpering when he doesn't get his way."
(James Wolcott, "Michael Medved Is an Idiot," Feb. 17, 2005, http://jameswolcott.com/archives/2005/02/michael_medved.php)

Made-up citation: “As the Bible says, ‘I’d rather have a wet sock for a brain than a wet thong for a heart.’”

not playing with a full sack

idiom. Used to describe someone lacking both a shred of sanity and a smidgeon of testicular fortitude.

Real citation: "If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack."
(Spike, "Passions," Feb. 24, 1998, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Made-up citation: “The entire Democratic party is clearly not playing with a full sack, and they’re dumb as a challenged box of rocks to boot.”

eekies, the

noun. A close relative of the willies, the creeps, the wiggins, the weebies, the heebie-jeebies, and the whim-whams.

Real citation: "I just found this via Asha. Yes, of course these hateful statements don't reflect the views of "normal" Christians, but maybe reading them will help some peeps understand why usually tolerant non-Christians can get the eekies over even the mildest forms of proselytizing in public schools."
(Paula Light, "For the quote files." June 7, 2005, Ultrablog, http://paulalight.blogspot.com/2005/06/for-quote-files.html)

Made-up citation: "It's better to give the eekies than receive the crabs."

pencil-dickedness

noun. The quality of having a thin, breakable tallywhacker that does not throb with much manhood but may be useful in taking the SAT.

Related terms: big-dickedness, diminutive dickedness, general dickedness, limp-dickedness, little-dickedness, micro-dickedness, sheer dickedness, small dickedness, thumb-dickedness, weak dickedness.

Real citation: "How about your need to be holier than thou and build yourself up at the expense of others. ALWAYS an indication of pencil-dickedness."
(Kurt Ullman, March 14, 2000, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.vacation.las-vegas/msg/7b4d70dbf64f56dd?hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Pencil-dickedness is in the eye of the beholder, and that's bad news for the beholder's eye."

de-'throom

verb. To remove something (like a doofus or sink) from a bathroom.

Real citation: "2:04 a.m. A stranger with bandaged wrists was reported blacked out in the bathroom of an L.K. Wood Boulevard home, and rarely is that a positive development. He was de-'throomed and taken to the hospital."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Latex lover gets spitty-snitty over porn pavilion etiquette advisory," The Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/police/031505police.shtml)

Made-up citation: “I’ve been dethroned, de’throomed, excommunicated, and deported, but at least I've never been shitcanned, scumbagged, ratfucked, or pooh-poohed.”

jack-diddly-iddly-shit

noun. Na-diddly-iddly-ada.

Related terms: jack shit, diddly shit, jack diddly shit, jack diddly fucking shit, jack diddly squat shit.

Real citation: "and what's that gotta do with doing for the black community?
answer: "jack-diddly-iddly-shit, that's what." -- ned flanders"
(Jacob Bentley, Nov. 5, 1996, http://groups-beta.google.com/
group/soc.culture.african.american/
msg/4e5f8e6341d9ca83?hl=en)

Made-up citation: “With law school grades ranging from D+ to jack-diddly-iddly-shit, I may not have a future as the next Johnnie Cochran.”

sneak-assity

noun. A particularly sneaky-assed quality that is not admired by all.

Related terms: assity-ass, assity-ass-ass, awed-assity, bad-assity, bare-assity, big-assity, biggety-assity, crap-assity, curi-assity, dumb-assity, half-assity, head-up-your-assity, jack-assity, kick-assity, lame-assity, lard-assity, lazy-assity, licking-assity, nutcase-assity, odd-assity, pain-in-the-assity, pomp-assity, pulling-out-of-assity, pump-assity, punk-assity, rat’s-assity, sag-assity, smart-assity, stink-assity, suck-assity, ten-assity, tragic-assity, wack-assity, wide-assity.

Real citation: "I don't mind being a little sneaky if I have to be. Or, a lot sneaky.
Any assistance is appreciated. And, if it involves large amounts of sneak-assity, I'll refuse to give up your name."
(BigRedBam, April 8, 2003, http://forums.autoweek.com/thread.jspa?forumID=16&threadID=1875&tstart=210)

Made-up citation: "The cosmic vibrations tell me that you, Libra, have the smart-assity of a child, the sneak-assity of a rat, and the stink-assity of a grilled cheese sandwich in a sewer in hell.”

fuckedupedly

adverb. In a manner or style that is kinda upfucked.

Related terms: fuckedupedness, fuckedupness, fuckedupitude.

Real citation: "Then of course reality steps in and proves to me that I'm just another fumbling do-me type whose submission is very limited and is demonstrably and fuckedupedly human."
(http://groups-beta.google.com/group/soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm/msg/ec6325e926bc925b)

Made-up citation: “Most of Shakespeare’s stage directions—whether written by the playwright, a director, or an actor—have not been preserved, so I like to think ‘fuckedupedly’ might be one of those unfortunate omissions.”

maim-fest

noun. A bouquet—or perhaps a hoopy-doopy—of life-and-limb-lacerating violence.

Real citation: "The brutal maim-fest between CM and Rubious had been going on for some time now, and both seemed oblivious to the fact that there were numerous other posts occuring in the castle...."
(Samurai824, April 4, 1998, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.fan.sailor-moon/msg/39ba76526d5ff4d4)

Made-up citation: “My quest for vengeance will inevitably culminate in a smackdown, a bloodbath, a maim-fest, or a lawnmower accident.”

berserker-rage-inducing

present participle. Causing mild-mannered citizens to enter a state of extreme road rage, zoo rage, tax rage, Bible rage, golf rage, bunny rage, spatula rage, squirrel monkey rage, or salad bar rage.

Real citation:
Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters
Chunky
Super-charged
Pondy
Wine-a-licious
Alcoholy
Hallucinatory
Crippling
Caffeinated
Sludgy
Berserker-rage-inducing
(Adam Koford, "Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters," McSweeney's Internet Tendency, http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/1AdamKoford.html)

Made-up citation: “Your personal ad may garner more interest if you omit adjectives like ‘berserker-rage-inducing’ and ‘burnt-fleshy.’”

go full douche

verb phrase. Do something mega-douche-baggy.

Real citation: "But I mean, if that's really the only thing she could have done in that situation, I can deal with it. At least she didn't go full douche and aim for the head. As long as she wasn't aiming to kill, cuz that would have been a bit extreme, don't you think?"
(smart veronica, "2-24: "The Dearly Beloved" 2005.05.19," May 19, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3127068&view=findpost&p=2988834)

Made-up citation: “The most important rule of teaching is: ‘Never go full douche.’ Students deserve only a partial douche, if that.”

non-fun-haver god

noun. A deity who sucks several things: 1. Ass. 2. Monkey balls. 3. The life out of the party.

Real citation: "If I were in your pants, I'd run in the other direction. People who follow this kind of punitive, non-fun-haver god are problematic in a host of ways. These are the homemade-cross-toting lunatics who were shrieking outside Terry Schiavo's hospice room. You'll find them disrupting school-board meetings with long screeds about how wrongheaded those newfangled proponents of evolution are because everyone knows god made Adam and Eve (not Adam and Steve), and that's how civilization began, damn it (only they wouldn't swear). These Holy Rollers are that most curious (and hypocritical) mix of antichoice, but pro–death penalty. Plus, have you ever actually listened to Christian rock? Yikes."
(Judy McGuire, "Born Again Virgin," Seattle Weekly, seattleweekly.com/features/0514/050406_diversions_dategirl.php)

Made-up citation: “A non-fun-haver god is a lot easier to take as part of a pantheon of gods. Then our diverse spiritual needs can be met by the crack-smoker god, the Peking-duck-gobbler-god, and the blow-milk-out-your-goddamn-nose god.”

tie-to-the-bedable

adj. Very worthy of being strapped down on a romantic surface for hot-monkey-sex-related purposes.

Real citation: "'tie-to-the-bedable', adj. (with a reasonably compositional meaning). No google hits, but the formation process is obviously productive."
(Laurence Horn, May 9, 2005, http://listserv.linguistlist.org/cgi-bin/wa?A2=ind0505B&L=ads-l&P=R1279)

Made-up citation: “To a goliath bird-eating spider, another goliath bird-eating spider is likeable, boinkable, and very tie-to-the-bedable.”

unsexyish

adj. Sexy as a limp, damp dishrag with a bit of a stench.

Real citation: "Where are the really sexy dragons? I personally dislike the pretender dragon's ability to turn into a human. Very unsexyish."
(The_Tauren13, Oct 19, 2004, http://www.shrapnelcommunity.com/threads/showflat.php?
Cat=&Board=UBB74&Number=304259&page=
0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=&fpart=4)

Made-up citation: “Unsexyish people do unsexyish things. Like deface penguins.”

bonership society

noun. A community based on boners, boning, or outright boneration.

Real citation: "At first glance, Grassley's bill act seems like a conservative no-brainer: It's anti-sex, it's fiscally responsible, and it fits in nicely with President Bush's recent calls to privatize massive, rock-hard erections via a "bonership society" that encourages people to take control of their own ball-draining fuck sessions."
(Greg Beato, "Iowa Senator: No Hard-On Pills For Poor People!" May 24, 2005, Wonkette, http://www.wonkette.com/politics/hill/index.php#iowa-senator-no-hardon-pills-for-poor-people-104849)

Made-up citation: “In a bonership society, only the schmuck-faced hoser is truly a dickhead.”

peelessly

adv. Done with a bladder as wide open--er, empty--as the great outdoors.

Real citation: "3:21 p.m. A guy with a ponytail and goatee took a whiz behind a Ninth Street building, then peelessly headed for the Plaza."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Seething weirdosity exudes from Arcata's every orifice," The Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/police/051005police.shtml)

Made-up citation: “Male rats deal with few issues peelessly. ‘Walk over it and pee on it’ is pretty much their approach to everything.”

moral whatever-tude

noun. A moral attitude characterized by—oh screw it, I’m taking a nap.

Real citation: “To satisfy their moral whatever-tude, they check Dierdre for track marks. There are none. But Zach is on the landing, looking down, and sees everything. They freeze in tableau. (Well, one of them is dead, but the two living ones freeze.)”
(Choire Sicha, “The fifth housewife,” May 23, 2005, Salon, www.salon.com/ent/tv/review/2005/05/23/desperate_housewives/)

Made-up citation: “Studies show that cholesterol, moral whatever-tude, and metric fuckloads of crap in the basement all tend to increase with age.”

Jesus shit howdy

exclamation. A more Christ-like and down-home version of “Holy shit!”

Related terms: shit howdy, goddamn shit-howdy, yee-haw-shit-howdy, Jesus shit, holy Jesus shit, sweet Jesus shit, holy Jesus fuck, holy fucking Jesus shit, Jesus holy shit Christ.

Real citation: "Jesus Shit Howdy! I heard Totalitar was good but damn…I pumped my fist in the air so hard to this that I think I damaged my rotator cuff."
("Totalitar," http://www.rocknrollpurgatory.com/musicreviews10.html)

Made-up citation: “Appropriate responses to pregnancy in one’s teen, spouse, or self include ‘Jesus shit howdy!’ and ‘By Odin’s beard!’”

doofusette

noun. A female doofus.

Real citation: "rave, you doofusette, you don't put the food in THERE"
(http://www.spinnoff.com/swhc/IRCQuotes6.html)

Made-up citation: “I have eight daughters: a stewardess, a laundress, an empress, a temptress, a benefactress, a priestess, a doofusette, and a lady of the night. And I’m proud of every one.”

head-up-your-assish

adj. Kind of asshatted.

Related terms: assish, bad-assish, dumb-assish, fat-assish, half-assish, hard-assish, jack-assish, kick-assish, kick-in-the-assish, kiss-assish, lard-assish, non-assish, pain-in-the-assish, pompous-assish, smart-assish, suck-assish, wise-assish.

Real citation: "And ignoring the 70-year record of communism in action, as well as its collective achievement in leaving a good part of the world to dig out of the economic and environmental ruin it left behind, is pretty head-up-your-assish."
(Grinch, March 21, 1998, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/misc.education/msg/0cead40a314c1217?hl=en)

Made-up citation: “In a world gone buttmunchy, only the head-up-your-assish man is truly analicious.”

crack on one's cornflakes

idiom. A sign of a healthy, loony, batshit-worthy breakfast.

Real citation: "Any ideas? If there isn't anything like this I might write it myself or did I sprinkle too much crack on my corn flakes this morning?"
(Michael Honeyfield, Feb. 15, 2004, https://lists.dulug.duke.edu/pipermail/rpm-python-list/2004-February/000049.html)

Made-up citation: “Since insanity runs in my family, I don’t even need to put crack on my cornflakes. I got all the crack and cornflakes I need—right here!”

moron dust

noun. The stuff of morons--especially when they get blowed up.

Real citation: "Even though the guy's a moral and practical idiot, I'll still feel sorry for him if and when an American bomb turns his stupid ass to moron dust."
(Russell Wardlow, Jan. 25, 2003, http://www.meanmrmustard.net/archives/2003_01.html)

Made-up citation: “If all the morons in the world were reduced to moron dust, that would be bad for anyone with allergies.”

Mother Theresa on a motorbike

exclamation. A more motherly, saintly, and motorbikey version of "holy shit!"

Related terms: holy mother of Theresa, sweet mother Mary on a motorboat, oh mother of Mary Magdalene and the motorbike she rode in on, holy shit on a stick, sweet merciful Buddha on a crutch, holy freakin' Christ in a Christmas tree, Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick.

Real citation: "Mother Theresa on a motorbike.
Is there anything is the known world hotter than Lena Olin in leather? How am I supposed to get any work done?"
(quotidian, "The Rambaldi Files: Speculations with Spoilers," May 16, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3113402&view=findpost&p=2964996)

Made-up citation: "Sweet Mother Theresa on a motorbike! I have to take a cheese whiz."

santorum-swilling

present participle. This refers to enthusiastic drinking of what Dan Savage has defined as "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."

Related terms: santorum-slurping, santorum-smudged.

Real citation: "You admire Mr. Tillman, my lovegod, for the stunningly clever retorts that he showers upon us cretinous, malicious, repulsive santorum-swilling scums ... "
(http://groups-beta.google.com/groups?hl=en&q=santorum-swilling)

Made-up citation: "Drano-sipping, santorum-swilling, or motor-oil-gargling may indicate your son or daughter has a drinking problem."

Darth Dubyous

noun. The Dark President of the Sith: George W. Bush.

Real citation: "It's also, surprisingly, when Lucas' anti-fascist politics come into focus: when the senate rises to cheer the new order of the first galactic empire, and Padme realizes that she and everyone else have aided in the dismantling of a democracy by ceding more and more power, in the name of security, to an unscrupulous dictator. (An old '60s guy, Lucas takes a palpable swipe at our own Darth Dubyous.)"
(David Edelstein, "The Passion of the Sith," Slate, http://slate.com/id/2118604/)

Made-up citation: "At this point, what foul deed could Darth Dubyous do that would actually get serious attention from the press? Eat a baby? Direct his daughters in a porno? Gah."

bongo horror

noun. Bongo music.

Related terms: bongo atrocity, bongo attack, bongo barrage, bongo brouhaha, bongo crisis, bongo flagellation, bongo fury, bongo magic, bongo merriment, bongo tensions, bongo vibes.

Real citation: "10:23 p.m. More bongo horror on the Plaza was swiftly abated."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Percussus resurgam: Plaza bongo pilots serenade the square," The Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/police/000822police01.shtml)

Made-up citation: "Bongo horror is to the ears what dog poo is to the shoes."

pig in a lace hat

idiom. Sometimes, lipstick on a pig just isn't enough.

Real citation: "Will uses big words and pompous literary references to dress up what are basically the brutish and vulgar thinking patterns of a non-union meat-packing plant owner. He is a pig in a lace hat."
(Matt Taibbi, "Wimblehack: Round II," http://www.alternet.org/mediaculture/20197/)

Made-up citation: "When a pig in a lace hat squeals like a stuck pig, I'm happy as a dead pig in the sunshine."

leather-pants-fashion-do category

noun. The half of humanity--a very small half, I might add--for whom wearing leather pants is advisable.

Related terms: leather-pants-fashion-don't category.

Real citation: "A lot of people backstage at the Hole/Marilyn Manson show were wearing leather pants. I don't have anything against leather pants per se; on the right guy, leather pants give me the vapors. But leather pants are difficult to pull off, which makes them a fashion-don't for most people. And most people backstage at KeyArena definitely fell into the leather-pants-fashion-don't category.
When she ran onstage, Courtney Love was wearing leather pants. Courtney, of course, falls into the leather-pants-fashion-do category, by virtue of her celeb status."
(Dan Savage, "Hell for Leather!," April 1, 1999, The Stranger, http://www.thestranger.com/1999-04-01/music.html)

Made-up citation: "I've never really been in the leather-pants-fashion-do category; I'm more of an all-purpose-fashion-yikes kind of guy."

super-ultra-mega-melty

adj. Like a grilled cheese sandwich--to the bazillionth power of holy shitballs!

Real citation: "But, I was talking to DG about this thread (him lurking here isn't even a secret anymore) and he called that girl you set up for him a 'big fat melty creature'. Yep, he ripped off Miguel, but, if JOSH FUCKING BEANE calls you a 'melty creature' that makes you like, a super-ultra-mega-melty creature with like mega torpedo tits or something."
(http://friends.portalofevil.com/sp.php?si=3&fi=000010240&ti=1000268342&pi=1000269136)

Made-up citation: "My mother always said, 'super-ultra-mega-melty methods bring super-ultra-mega-melty results.'"

fuckhandle

noun. A close cousin of the fuckbrain, the fuckface, the fuckhead, the fucknut, the fuckstain, and the fuckwit.

Real citation:
"i tell the truth, fuckstain.
you fucking fuckhandle.
at least you have dignity."
(tim, Aug. 29, 2004, http://timpratt.blogspot.com/2004/08/shotput-your-love-into-my-extenuating.html)

Made-up citation: "If you ask a teacher, 'Can I inquire as to how you became such a fuckhandle?", the teacher will probably answer, 'Yes, you may.'"

mindboink

noun. A family-values-friendly mindfuck.

Related terms: clusterboink, motherboinker, boink you.

Real citation: "early 90's mindboink from AK"
(kopiethakitty, May 22, 2002, http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0000038ZP/102-6445120-3740953?v=glance)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'Do not mindboink thy neighbor, lest ye be ratboinked where it hurts.'"

harlot laureate

noun. Paris Hilton.

Real citation: "It's been four full years now without a good pair of bedroom eyes in the White House, and we're beginning to feel the chill. It's not that we're not trying to find something to get lathered up about. This year, we've been treated to exposed breasts and on-camera blow jobs, read porn star confessionals and paeans to anal sex, even goaded harlot laureate Paris Hilton into further ludicrous behavior by making her a pseudo TV star."
(Rebecca Traister, "Libido malfunction," Salon, www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2004/12/17/malfunction/)

Made-up citation: "Every father hopes his daughter will grow up to be harlot laureate. If he's insane."

molestolicious

adj. A more disturbing and delicious version of "sexy."

Related terms: molest-worthy, molesteriffic.

Real citation: "eh . . well here goes. . . did it hurt? you know. . when you fell from heaven? bah. . those never work and i have to laugh in people faces but just once i thought id use one. . . so ill just go ahead and say that you are utterly molestolicious"
(rabid-monkey, April 2, 2002, http://www.ratemyface.com/profile.cfm?online_name=realamericanpunk&mode=all)

Made-up citation: "At my Catholic grammar school, one priest was nicknamed 'Father Fingers'--for talking with his hands a lot. I have no reason to believe he thought young lads like myself looked yummy and molestolicious."

gutter-friendly

adj. Crude, lewd, and rude (and probably involving a dude). Or my sister. Sorry, sis!

Real citation: In Bukowski's pages grimy, dark potboiler meets an allegory on authoring: picture here the bastard singular issue of Mickey Spillane and Laurence Sterne, and you get a sense of Bukowski's scheme. In the end our gutter-friendly scribe hands us a "meta-pulp."
(William Anthony Nericcio, http://www-rohan.sdsu.edu/dept/press/ReviewINK/BUKOWSKIpulp.html)

Made-up citation: "'Gutter-friendly' is a good quality in writers, not so much in waiters."

pucker-buttedness

noun. A particularly ass-kissing, rectum-smooching, rump-frenching quality.

Related terms: bad-buttedness, bare-buttedness, big-buttedness, blubber-buttedness, broad-buttedness, bubble-buttedness, cake-buttedness, cute-buttedness, dumb-buttedness, fat-buttedness, fuzzy-buttedness, his-royal-monkey-buttedness, iron-buttedness, kick-buttedness, large-buttedness, non-fuzzy-buttedness, pain-in-the-buttedness, pig-buttedness, pole-up-buttedness, stick-up-the-buttedness, suck-buttedness, tight-buttedness, whiny-buttedness.

Real citation: "This is the carefully cultivated squeamishiness, self censorship and pucker-buttedness that only the good little boys and girls in the "conservative movement" have internalized. And then they whine and wonder why no one holds the Left to "the same standards". Because the Left isn't stupid enough to adopt it's own standards, of course. Nobody would be that stupid....Almost nobody."
(LaBelleDameSansMerci, April 4, 2002, http://209.157.64.200/focus/f-news/678003/posts#comment)

Made-up citation: "No one likes to admit to pucker-buttedness, but it's not a crime. If it were, I'd be on death row twice."

oracle-burger

noun. Beefy sandwich on one side, prophetic seer on the other.

Real citation: "One of the most sublimely stupid and fabulous moments I've seen on TV. Mrs TanTan and I were big old Buffy freaks, and were both pretty skeptical about AtS (never cared much for Angel on BTVS). But man. A couple episodes into watching AtS, the Oracle-burger had us hooked. Makes me giggle just picturing the idiotic thing. "
(TanTan, "Favorite Moments," May 2, 2003, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=2304839&view=findpost&p=444369)

Made-up citation: "In my religion, there are no gods, but there is an oracle-burger, who is both all-knowing and tasty."

non-autoerotic-asphyxiating

adj. Involving absolutely no sexy strangulation shenanigans or smothering-centric smoochies.

Real citation: "The scenario you described doesn't sound like much fun to me either—where's the part where you stick it in her?—but I can guarantee that someone out there is frantically choking his chicken and wondering how he can score such a gal. And while your ex probably found you interminably dull, I'm positive you're probably setting some other chick's pants on fire with your non-autoerotic-asphyxiating ways. "
(Judy McGuire, "One Scoop of Vanilla," New York Press, http://nypress.com/18/4/news&columns/dategirl.cfm)

Made-up citation: "Why do people focus on the negative, like calling the new Pope the Nazi Pope? He's also the non-autoerotic-asphyxiating Pope, but you'd never know it from the liberal media!"

bouncy-headbangy

adj. Characterized by (or tending to provoke) vigorous, neckache-causing, possibly-rhythmic flailing of the noggin.

Related terms: headbang-ish, bouncy-headbang-ish, headbang-ish-worthy.

Real citation: "Overall, if you're okay with whiny, high-pitched voices, it's a very bouncy-headbangy song."
(http://www.cioffe.com/wusai/vol1/issue4/featvisualminialbum.php)

Made-up citation: "Gwar are not the most bouncy-headbangy band, but they make up for it with concerts that feature the most decapitations, steel brassieres, and body-fluid spurtings this side of Celine Dion."

holy-sweet-mother-of-God-fine

adj. Quite fine, in a tie-to-the-bedable sorta way.

Real citation: "You really know how to swing the bat, you know that? I tried watching your swing last night, to actually get some pointers for my softball season that starts tomorrow. Since you're a lefthander batter, though, and I was sitting on the 1st base side, I kept getting distracted by your holy-sweet-mother-of-God-fine ass. Why must you have an ass like that?"
(Wedny, May 4, 2005, http://www.twodolla.org/archives/2005/05/an_open_letter.php)

Made-up citation: "I couldn't be any happy that Irina Derevko--played by the holy-sweet-mother-of-God-fine Lena Olin--is returning to Alias. She's the hottest ambiguously-evil fifty-year-old Russian spy with two hot daughters I've ever seen."

crack-denish

adj. Done up proud in the style of a house o' crack.

Related terms: crack-whorish.

Real citation: "So, the apartment is going to be really nice. It's not finished yet -- but I'm pretty sure it will be by May. The kitchen and bathroom are going to be completely new, which is really cool. Some of these old New York apartments just have the grossest kitchens and bathrooms. The rent will be ridiculously cheap, but the neighborhood is shitty and the halls of the building are vaugely crack-denish. It has it's good parts and it's bad parts. It's on the 6, so it's very accessible, and did I mention how cheap it is? Yeah. I don't know, I have to go back and look at it again. I want to go back at night, and see how it is then, too. My biggest fear is just that I'd feel isolated. I know everyone is going to be living in different places, but since this place is so dead, it's a concern of mine. I like that the weather is nice again."
("apartment?" April 13, 2003, the woman rebel, http://thewomanrebel.com/MT/archive/000078.html)

Made-up citation: "I may have my share of clutter, but my place isn't at all crack-denish. Opium-lounge-like, maybe."

oh-so-fucktastically-subtle

adj. Not too subtle.

Real citation: "The Bush-Cheney re-election campaign has just launched a new add which slanders John Kerry. Not only that, but it brings in the oh-so-fucktastically-subtle reference to -- you guessed it! -- Adolf Hitler."
(Rikoshi Kisaragi, June 25, 2004, http://www.journalfen.net/community/otf_wank/115263.html?mode=reply)

Made-up citation: "What oh-so-fucktastically-subtle hint tipped you off to problems in your home? Your mom's blood-soaked spatula? Or was it your dad's toe collection?"

beeftacular

adj. Bee-fucking-eefy.

Real citation: "On Thursday I was at a political fundraiser for beef. It was a dinner, and I was slightly peeved because having known about this assignment only 2 days prior, I had made plans for the night. These PLANS, though not all that important, had to be scrapped, thank-you very much agriculture minister and deputy premier. It’s all your fault. I arrived late because I was waiting on the river for some canoers from Washington to show up so I could take their picture. It was a pleasant wait, so I wasn’t all that concerned or annoyed when they came about 30 minutes later than they had told me. I suppose it isn’t their fault the river was slow anyway. I got to the dinner just in time to eat some beef, take a few pics and listen to a speech about beef. The evening was beeftacular."
(May 28, 2004, Twitch!, http://kymik.blogspot.com/2004_05_01_kymik_archive.html)

Made-up citation: "Neither my diet nor my physique has ever been described as beeftacular."

champagne-and-adultery-soaked

adj. This handy word describes something that is quite metaphorically wet.

Real citation: "Christine Goerke has already shown her formidable musical and interpretive talents with opera companies and orchestras all over the world. The 2001 recipient of the Richard Tucker Award (the opera world's Heisman Trophy), the Long Island native trained at the Met and soon tackled leads there (and in Paris, London, Florence — the list grows). She also has two Grammys. In October 2003 she joined Tempesta di Mare for a sensational evening of baroque cantatas; her gorgeous, intensely focused singing nearly blew the roof off St. Mark's Church. Goerke has the very rare ability to be funny and moving at once while dazzling your ears; perfect credentials for her first-ever Rosalinde in Strauss' champagne-and-adultery-soaked operetta."
(David Shengold, "The Sopranos," http://citypaper.net/articles/2005-01-20/cover9.shtml)

Made-up citation: "After my champagne-and-adultery-soaked marriage, I wrote a wine-and-beastiality-saturated novel, which I hope to turn into a paint-thinner-and-alien-probing-drenched screenplay this autumn."

cross the squick line

verb phrase. Do something squicky, gross, icky, or ishy, such as...oh, incest or whatever.

Real citation: "I just hope in order to have Victor win the Emmy, we don't have to have Jack cross the squick line."
(OLynn, "Jack "Spy Daddy" Bristow [a.k.a. Victor Garber]," April 28, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=507851&view=findpost&p=2860055)

Made-up citation: "My pet rat Yoda emphatically crossed the squick line when he ate his own poop. That's not a good Jedi master!"

dumbasshead

noun. A dumber version of an asshead, or an assier version of a dumbhead, or a headier version of a dumbass.

Related terms: asshead, fatasshead, jackasshead.

Real citation: "I'm one of the people (actually, I'm several of them, but let's not get into biohosting issues just now), and I didn't drive no areoplanes inta the squirrel training center. you dumbasshead!"
(ICEKNIFE, July 8, 2003, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.slack/msg/f6f7bc39aa973278?hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Son, if someone calls you a 'dumbasshead,' don't be afraid to call them an 'assbuttface.' Then, when no teachers are around, gouge out that little prick's eyeballs with a fork."

self-hatey

adj. Self-loathy; self-dislikey; self-despisey.

Real citation: "I blushed and ducked back in with the larger bra. Much better. There was more self-flirting and understanding that yes, I am quite sexy and hot, thank you. I mean, sometimes I do impress myself, I'm not always self-hatey. I really liked the way I looked in this black lace number, so I grabbed one in red appliqued cotton, too. And many pairs of tiny pants, because one can never have too many and also, sale!"
("Mount Breasticle," Jan. 29, 2005, Fizzy Hipster, http://www.fizzyhipster.com/archives/001550.php)

Made-up citation: "I don't know why my family thinks I'm troubled and self-hatey. I'm the luckiest guy in the world, and I'm always ready to share my Drano and vodka smoothies, even with the kids!"

clusterboink

noun. A family-friendly clusterfuck.

Real citation: "Here's an update to the House Ethics Committee investigation of Tom DeLay, which is fast approaching the deadline they set for themselves when they chose to defer the matter in July. Unfortunately, it looks like this may wind up a total partisan clusterboink, in which all other considerations are subservient to protecting ones' flanks. The complete Roll Call story, sent to me separately by AJ Garcia and RZ, is reproduced below."
(Deadlock in DeLay ethics investigation?", Sept. 15, 2004, Off the Kuff, http://www.offthekuff.com/mt/archives/004166.html)

Made-up citation: "How many of Wordsworth's poems rhymed 'clusterboink' with "lust...brr: oink'? Not more than three, I'd wager."

gah-worthy

adj. In a nut? Bad. Bad enough to cause innocent civilians to say "gah!"

Related terms: ack-worthy, aha-worthy, ahem-worthy, argh-worthy, blah-worthy, bleah-worthy, doh-worthy, duh-worthy, ew-worthy, gak-worthy, ha-ha-worthy, heh-worthy, ick-worthy, meh-worthy, meow-worthy, mmm-worthy, ouch-worthy, sigh-worthy, squee-worthy, squick-worthy, tee-hee-worthy, whee-worthy, whoa-worthy, woof-worthy, yawn-worthy, yikes-worthy, yum-worthy, zzz-worthy.

Real citation: "They're selling the dice for fifty cents each? Gah. Of course, selling Captains for five bucks is even more gah-worthy."
(Dvandom, Oct. 10, 2004, http://www.psmrealms.com/forum/showthread.php?s=62bda7b011ad72ec8c9233ad728b658d&p=5381#post5381)

Made-up citation: "If a gah-worthy grandma gargled guacamole, how much guacamole could a gah-worthy grandma gargle?"

testosterone-tainted tootsie

noun. Male toe.

Real citation: “Those who kept her holy shrines, her misandrous priestesses and simpering priestlets, were bound by Diana's oath to stay chaste and live pure until death. One or two accomplished that dubious goal. The Roman poet Horace suggests that Diana loathed the very sight of men and forbade them on pain of death from ever setting one testosterone-tainted tootsie inside her temples.)
(Bill Casselman, “Diana Krall: The Meaning of Her Names,” The Vocabula Review, http://www.vocabula.com/2005/VRAPRIL05Casselman.asp)

Made-up citation: "If all the women in the world rounded up all the men and ground us into hamburger--from our pointy heads down to our testosterone-tainted tootsies--I couldn't really blame them. It would suck though; I don't even like hamburger."

chug-chug-chuggery

noun. The ear-offending sounds of lame metal.

Real citation: "It's nu-metal by nu-mbers, yes, but Fozzy aren't too shabby at counting. Copious amounts of crunchy chug-chug-chuggery? Check. Menacing growls interspersed with throat-straining, Ozzy-style power high notes? Cheque. Unoriginal checklist-style paragraph? Czech."
(Dan Maher, "Fozzy--All That Remains," http://www.new-noise.net/list_237.html)

Made-up citation: "Sorry, but your band's brand of chug-chug-chuggery isn't quite right for any of our upcoming weddings or pornos."

omni-whateverism

noun. An all-encompassing apathetic philosophy.

Related terms: anarcho-whateverism, anti-whateverism, believe-whateverism, benign whateverism, compassionate whateverism, creeping whateverism, eco-friendly whateverism, existential whateverism, feelgood whateverism, homo-whateverism, multi-whateverism, neo-new-agey whateverism, neo-whateverism, postmodern whateverism, post-whateverism, pro-whateverism, tran-whateverism, tribal whateverism.

Real citation: "Often this is a bad reasoning on an illustration in the scriptures about a camel and a needle and the statement "to God all things are possible". People taking the Bible literally, especially on illustrations, parables and hyperboles, and creating terms like omni-whateverism is a constant source of conflicts."
(Insyght, Feb. 18, 2005, http://forum.physorg.com/index.php?showtopic=583&st=315)

Made-up citation: "Does 'omni-whateverism' include ‘meh’ feelings about God? How 'bout leprechauns?"

serial intercourser

noun. Someone who has lots and lots and loads of hot, sweaty fornication.

Real citation: "You're a serial intercourser!"
(Shirley Schmidt, "Death Be Not Proud," March 20, 2005, Boston Legal)

Made-up citation: "Is 'serial intercourser' supposed to be an insult? It lacks the clarity of 'horsefucker.'"

batshit-demented

adj. Mentally wacky. Cuckoo for crack!

Related terms: batshit loony, batshit whacko, batshit insane, batshit nutty, batshit nutso, super-batshit-insane, completely-fucking-batshit-insane, batshit-fucking-crazy, batshit-sounding, non-batshit, pre-batshit, anti-batshit, batshit loonball, holy batshit, batshittery, batcrap, batpoop.

Real citation: “She has four bags filling the self-checkout area, blocking both bagging lanes, neglecting the intended use of the pull-out trays provided. Her empty cart is blocking my exit from the line. I begin bagging my stuff in the tiny space behind the ATM machine while the person behind me's purchases begin to bottleneck onto the scanner. The woman freaks out and begins stammering "so...that's your bag?" I nod, resisting the impulse to tell her no, I'm helping bag your crap because you're obviously batshit-demented and I don't want to be here all night.”
(Paul, “Night of the Living Deadheads - A Trip To Rainbow Grocery,” Feb. 8, 2005, http://www.limahuli.net/blog/archives/complaining/)

Made-up citation: "Who's crazier: a batshit-demented dude or a shithouse mouse? Further research is needed!"

doofusbot

noun. A romantic doofus. No, hold on now: a robotic doofus. Or a doofus-type robot.

Real citation: “That will send the request coming from their IP to lala land so when doofusbot requests h*tp://www.example.com/gotosite.asp?ccxxyyourstuff.com it gets www.where*you*send*them.com/whatever.html, I would recco a few destinations, but that is up to you (bad neihborhoods come to mind).”
(John316, April 3, 2001, http://www.webmasterworld.com/forum30/28526.htm)

Made-up citation: "Like moronbots, shitheadbots, and fucking-idiot-bots, doofusbots are rarely hot-sellers."

someone-is-staring-at-my-ass-dar

noun. A keen, ass-specific, eyeball-detecting sense.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, loserdar, jailbaitdar, moron-dar, sexual-geniusdar.

Real citation: "There will be hot chicks. And while they are running, hot chicks are too focused on their splits and/or music to realize their "someone is staring at my ass"-dar is going off."
("Operation Stop Being Fat," May 6, 2004, http://nattysci.com/displaypost.aspx?Post=45)

Made-up citation: "I need buttock-augmentation surgery. I want to be noticed. I want my someone-is-staring-at-my-ass-dar to go off like a car alarm from hell!"

family-values-licking

adj. Very moral, oral, pure, and of the Lord.

Real citation: "You can protest by dropping aol and getting a provider that's not a money grubbing, family values licking provider."
(ChubbyCub, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.sex.bears/msg/77a6807228dfcfd6)

Made-up citation: "If the era of the family-values-licking politician ever ends, what will all those lonely, holy, unlicked family values do?"

I-don't-give-a-fuckitude

noun. 24-carat fuckin' apathy, disinterest, or detachment.

Related terms: bumble-fuckitude, cluster-fuckitude, mindfuckitude, sick-fuckitude, what-the-fuckitude.

Real citation: "Earle's art combines the storytelling grace of James McMurtry with the experience-driven common sense of Billy Joe Shaver and the I-don't-give-a-fuckitude of David Allen Coe. You'd be hard-pressed to do much better than that."
(Michael Henningsen, "Music Magnified," http://www.alibi.com/editorial/section_display.php?di=2004-01-08&scn=music)

Made-up citation: "I wish I had more moxie, more guts, more I-don't-give-a-fuckitude, and less clutter around the house."

full-frontal-ness

noun. Need I define? I think not.

Real citation: "Producers of Home at the End of the World are so outraged over Colin Farrell's long schlong, they've cut his full-frontal-ness from the pic (ouch) because it's 'too distracting.'"
(A.D. Amoros, "icepack," http://citypaper.net/articles/2004-07-01/ice.shtml)

Made-up citation: "I have a feeling that 'full-frontal-ness'--like 'post-nipslip' and 'butt-cleavage-revealing'--will attract many linguists and other serious scholars to my blog."

throw a nutter

idiom. 1) Go batshit. 2) Go apeshit.

Related terms: nuttery, fucknutter.

Real citation: "'A mystery,' continues Sloane, circling his prey. 'The true secrets of his creations will always be held back from you…THE UNWORTHY!' He growls that last part as he brings the base down yet again on Baldy's head. And again. And again. And blood spatters up onto his face. And a wham! And another wham! And more blood and oh my god, he's thrown a nutter."
(Erin, "Another Mister Sloane," page 13, Television Without Pity, http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/story.cgi?show=75&story=7853&page=13&sort=&limit=)

Made-up citation: "I'd rather throw a nutter than pitch a hissy-fit, because I am very manly and testosterone-engorged."

pregcellent

adj. Superbly knocked-up.

Real citation: "Pregnancy should have its own vocabulary beyond "lanugo," "mucous plug," and other pleasant pregnancy- and birth-related words. You know, like pregnorance to denote the weird absentmindedness of pregnant women, commonly known as "prego brain." Or stumbling into someone because your center of gravity is off due to The Belly: a pregccident. The fact that people seem more drawn to you when you're pregnant than when you're not: you're pregnetic. What I'm asking for with regard to the ability of a woman to bare her chest to feed her child if she so desires: pregalitarian societal attitudes. What I'll be on April 11: an Easter Preg. The way you feel when you're having a good day: pregnificent. Pregtastic. Pregcellent."
(Pamela, March 25, 2004, http://mightyturtle.com/archives/2004/03/pregcellent.html)

Made-up citation: "In our high school, guidance counselors are encouraged to use terms such as 'miracle of life,' 'pregcellent,' and 'glow,' while avoiding hurtful language like 'are you on crack?'"

near-drowning-by-swirlie

noun. A bad way to almost die.

Real citation: "Part of what makes 'Sin City' work is that while the performances may be somewhat broad (they need to be, to suit the material), they stop at being grotesquely cartoonish. Owen is always a dazzling, uncompromising presence, and he puts his considerably roguish charms to work here, too. Accosting a bad 'un in a bathroom -- where else does one inflict near-drowning-by-swirlie? -- he introduces himself with the stunningly original line, 'I'm Shellie's new boyfriend, and I'm out of my mind.'"
(Stephanie Zacharek, "Sin City," Salon, http://salon.com/ent/movies/review/2005/04/01/sin_city/print.html)

Made-up citation: "If we spent less money on new prisons and put more funding and research into near-drowning-by-swirlie initiatives, maybe America could be America again."

leperesque

adj. Like a leper would do it.

Real citation: "I put out a similar plea after the epic "Farewell Show" (i attended both that one and the 4/17 one) and ended up feeling leperesque."
(Rodriquez, http://www.the-grotto.com/talk/thread.jsp?forum=1&thread=7254&message=26044)

Made-up citation: "Many zombies will take offense if told they look leperesque. So kids, you should always be polite and strive for accuracy."

former-husband-brain-eating fork

noun. An eating utensil with a specific purpose.

Real citation: "Well pardon me if our ancient ancestors didn't leave behind any former-husband-brain-eating forks."
(Nick, "The Bachelor Party," Nov. 16, 1999, Angel)

Made-up citation: "During dark rituals, any host who wants to avoid a mortifying faux pas must carefully attend to the placement of the exorcism tongs and the former-husband-brain-eating fork."

whipped like rabid skunks

idiom. Beaten soundly--like a dangerous, smelly drum.

Related terms: greeted like rabid skunks, hunted down like rabid skunks, shot like rabid skunks, froth at the mouth like rabid skunks, fight like rabid skunks, act like rabid skunks, defend each other like rabid skunks.

Real citation: "The Redskins were whipped again like rabid skunks on Sunday, but only a few people cared. Brooding on the fate of the Redskins is no longer considered cool, in Washington or anywhere else in the English-speaking world. Not even the President of the United States gives a hoot in hell about the pitiful fate of the 'Skins. They are the worst team in the NFL, and their owner is widely vilified."
(Hunter S. Thompson, "Stadium living in new age," http://espn.go.com/page2/s/thompson/011002.html)

Made-up citation: "Does 'whipped like rabid skunks' really make any sense? If I were locked in moral combat with rabid skunks--like a barbed wire cage match kind of situation--I'd pray to Zeus and bet on the skunks."

jerkassiest

adj. Jerky plus assy squared.

Real citation: "Agreed. Homer at his jerkassiest behavior isn't as bad as Peter Griffin's behavior all the time. And for all of Homer's many faults, I can still understand why Marge loves him. I cannot say the same for Peter and Lois."
(Cleopatra, "The Simpsons," April 20, 2004, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=1150752&view=findpost&p=2804340)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'The dumbassiest monkey is closer to God than the jerkassiest ape.'"

brain-gurble

noun. A garbled, burbling, baffling neurological event--not unlike an epiphany or stroke.

Real citation: "And with the same easy spirit in which he pillages other authors' techniques, stripping them of their context and using them merely for show, he snatches 9/11 to invest his conceit with gravitas, thus crossing the line that separates the risible from the villainous. The book's themes—the sense of connection we all feel when the coffee or acid hits and everything is illuminated, the brain-gurble and twitch and self-pity we all know better than to write about—have nothing to do with the attack on the towers, or with Dresden or Hiroshima, which Foer tosses in just to make sure we understand what a big and important book we're dealing with."
(Harry Siegel, New York Press, http://nypress.com/print.cfm?content_id=12840)

Made-up citation: "I love the smell of my own brain-gurbles in the morning. Or maybe that's just the crack."

holy crispy crap on a cracker

exclamation. A crispier, crappier, crackier version of "holy shit!"

Related terms: holy cat crap on a cracker, holy cheese on a cracker, holy Christ on a cracker, holy Christmas on a cracker, holy cow on a cracker, holy creepy Christ on a cracker, holy crinkly crap on a cracker, holy crud on a cracker, holy ever loving crap on a cracker, holy fart on a cracker, holy flipping snot on a cracker, holy fuck on a cracker, holy God and Jesus on a cracker, holy heck on a cracker, holy hell on a cracker, holy jumping Jesus Christ on a cracker, holy mother of Mary on a cracker, holy poop on a cracker, holy shit and Christ on a cracker, holy shit mother freaker on a cracker, holy sweet fucking Christ on a cracker.

Real citation: "holy crispy crap on a cracker! when i read your post i went like wow! is it true? you are so lucky gal, can i tell my friends i know you? when i grow up i wanna be like you. is it nice being so rich that you don’t need to eat platanos and beans? can i have your autograph?"
(Pib, July 30, 2001, http://www.dr1.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-12844.html)

Made-up citation: "Holy crispy crap on a cracker, I can't believe the free publicity the Catholics get for this Pope stuff. You'd think he was the ruler of the world. The other religions should get with it, get their own Popes, and do some business!"

fuckstainery

noun. Fuckstainery is a timeless concept that is hard to pin down, but it is a close acquaintance of fuckheadery, fucknuttery, and fuckwittery.

Real citation: "You're overestimating how much time and energy I put into our interactions. I occasionally have a few extra minutes while waiting for one of HQ's games to load, and that's the time you get. Waiting for blues clues to load, listening to my son drum, and taunting you for your fuckstainery."
(Maevele, Nov. 21, 2003, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.music.tool/msg/d7b1caf1c77ed487?dmode=source)

Made-up citation: "I've been accused of buttholery and lechery, but never fuckstainery and treachery."

weebies

noun. The weebies are a close relative of the heeebie-jeebies, the creeps, the willies, the whim-whams, and the wiggins.

Real citation:
Angel: "What've you got?"
Cordelia: "The weebies."
("Sense and Sensitivity," Nov. 9, 1999, Angel)

Made-up citation: "Things that give me the weebies: pea soup, white guys who shave their heads, the surgery scenes of Nip/Tuck, and cottage cheese."

eco-dildo

noun. An environmentally-friendly vibrator or an environmentally-friendly asshole.

Real citation: "Those photo-names...the big format camera and the neo-romantic luminist names, like some fringe-jacketed western Sundance-sensitive new-age Bridges of Madison County Taos photo-abenteuer eco-dildo crystal and dream -catcher wearing "come into my sweat lodge, baby" type with the suede-shit unbuttoned to the navel. "
(DirtCrashr, Oct. 24, 2000, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/rec.motorcycles.dirt/msg/eb6233783703ca5a)

Made-up citation: "When the eco-dildo is as common as lip gloss, 'saving the earth' will be a popular euphemism."

non-monkey-poo

adj. 1) Non-crappy. 2) In no way resembling, containing or inspiring the fresh feces of our monkified brothers and sisters.

Real citation: "Those were just last night. I played 4 games, and had 2 non-monkey poo ones, which I, sadly, found impressive. Won against some noobs because they couldn't kill my AM that had nothing but 50 life, 3 rifles, and 1 statue. Level 6 when they level 4 = laugh in face. I'll also note they said something about being rusty and us being noobs at the end of the game."
(Risonyra, Oct 27, 2004, http://www.thewarcenter.com/forums/index.php?act=Print&client=printer&f=18&t=20589)

Made-up citation: "It's seventy degrees. It's actually sunny in Buffalo. I have an iced coffee. My life has taken a welcome detour into non-monkey-poo territory."

French-ish-sounding

adj. Sorta kinda Frenchy-flavored.

Real citation: "Nope. Nothing particularly significant about the name. It came from a random French-ish-sounding name generator. It is, indeed, the world in which the comic takes place."
(J. Harper, Nov. 20, 2003, http://charmingeclipse.xepher.net/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=122&)

Made-up citation: "Even a monolingual baboon like myself knows words like 'schmoopsie-poo' are not remotely French-ish-sounding. Yiddish-ish-sounding, maybe."

smasho-crasho

interjection. Kaboom! Kablooey! Kerblooey! Kerflooey!

Real citation: "things i avoided today: (1) killing a cat. a cat that had a collar and tags, obviously a neighbor's pet. (2) smasho-crasho into two cars parked along the opposite side of the street on which i was traveling."
("bad day, good day," Nov. 27, 2002, orangecat comes over to play, http://orangecatplays.blogspot.com/2002_11_24_
orangecatplays_archive.html)

Made-up citation: "The last 15 minutes of Jackie Chan's Police Story are like a bouquet, a buffet of violence--smasho-crasho, mega-destructo, Jesus holy shit Christ!"

crackpotitude

noun. A metric smurfload of crackpotty, quacky, batty, loony, wackjobby thinking or behavior.

Related terms: pottitude, melting-potitude.

Real citation: "If you enjoy reading crackpot pseudoscience rants as much as I do, you may have a use for this handy index for ranking their crackpotitude."
(Jonathan Korman, "Crackpot index," March 14, 2004, http://miniver.blogspot.com/2004/03/crackpot-index.html)

Made-up citation: "Recently, I was a little stunned to learn that some doctors still consider chiropracty to be seven shades of crackpotitude, somewhere between exorcism and astrology."

conjugalicious

adj. Sexy, sexual, and maybe even sexcessive.

Real citation: "A year and a half after their mutual, yet separate incarcerations, the boy was able to visit his lover, friend, and math teacher for a series of hot, conjugalicious visits. While his time of punishment was over, she had three-and-a-half years to go. The couple was dealt a further blow when the girl was given an extra five years after the dna sample of the subsequent child matched that of the forbidden father."
("the spam letters," http://www.thespamletters.com/letter.php?spamID=194&sortBy=d&start=30)

Made-up citation: "I wonder if the new Pope will allow priests to enjoy conjugalicious Catholic cohabitation."

super-ultra-mega-god-like

adj. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say "powerful."

Real citation: "Hah! See above. That whole side of things took a back seat to the 18 different kinds of super-ultra-mega-god-like moves :P :P"
(longinus, Jan. 31, 2002, http://www.animenation.net/forums/archive/index.php/t-166767.html)

Made-up citation: "We've trained robots to play soccer and rats to sniff for land mines. On behalf of the human race, I'm feeling somewhat super-ultra-mega-god-like."

turbo-sin

noun. An act of high-tech turpitude.

Real citation: "When you combine the seven deadly sins with high technology, you get some really serious problems. You get turbo-sins. It's dreadful to imagine what goeth after turbo-pride. "
(Jim Kuntsler, April 11, 2005, The Clusterfuck Nation Chronicle, http://www.kunstler.com/mags_diary13.html)

Made-up citation: "In a few years, when fembots are as common and affordable as herpes, I imagine turbo-sinning will be quite popular."

step-brother-fucker

noun. Just like a motherfucker, but with less mother, more step-brother, and less "ew."

Related terms: unclefucker.

Real citation: "I'm kind of in the "damp towels" camp on the Sayid-Shannon relationship. Sayid had more chemistry with Sawyer's glasses. I'm guessing Sayid-Shannon will be a healthy thing, ultimately. But Shannon damn well better have some issues — everyone else on the island does. "Skank" may be verboten, but I think she has behaved like a shallow, vapid, step-brother-fucker. She has some growing up to do. Whether they did it or not, I was glad to hear her say she wanted to go slow. And I'd really like to see her backstory now, to flesh out her character more.”
(xii, " 1-20: "Do No Harm" 2005.04.06," April 7, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3125481&view=findpost&p=2754500)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'better a step-brother-fucker than a parakeet-jacker-offer.'"

thumbs-uppiest

adj. This describes a bundle of joy--most likely a politician or other sociopath--who just can't keep a good thumb down.

Real citation: "Minutes later, Lieberman built up his speech to a rhetorical summit, pumping a thumbs-up (Lieberman is the thumbs-uppiest of the candidates) at the crowd and shouting: 'We have an opportunity to make the future better by changing the leadership of this country!'"
(Matt Taibbi, Spanking the Donkey, page 77, 2005)

Made-up citation: "'Thumbs-uppiest' is not the sort of praise one wants to hear lavished on his proctologist."

testicularitiness

noun. The peculiar, testicular quality that some call guts and others call male-pattern batshit-loonosity.

Related terms: testicularity, testicular fortitude.

Real citation: "take your testicularitiness to www.thesteelheadsite.com this issue has been discussed there.....john"
(asadi, Nov. 9, 1999, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/
rec.outdoors.fishing.fly/msg/09c09002b83513a7)

Made-up citation: "Before you can say 'testicularitiness,' my sister will kick you in the nuts."

turdcake

noun. A literal or metaphorical piece of shit, with optional frosting and an indeterminate number of layers.

Real citation: " Here's a turdcake for Mark's birthday. Can you spot the flies?"
(Jim Krewson, http://www.jimkrewson.com/cakes.html)

Made-up citation: "In my Catholic grammar school, kids had nicknames like Crud, Dorko, and Steam-umm, but there was no Turdcake. Well, we couldn't think of everything..."

boobworm

noun. I have no earthly idea. I just like the word.

Real citation: "Whoa, sounds impressive! However, I'm going to take a pass. When VS came out with their Miracle Bras several years ago, I ordered up a bunch of them and, damn, they did make me look good. I began wearing one every day. After a few weeks, I did my monthly exam like the PC woman I am, and noticed something strange. A puffy, wiggly thing on the side of my left boob. It felt like a... worm. OMG! I had a case of boobworm!"
(Paula Light, "Unmentionables," April 7, 2005, http://paulalight.blogspot.com/2005_04_01_
paulalight_archive.html#111289682592261850)

Made-up citation: "No, we will not name the dachshund 'Boobworm.' But your new name is Sergeant Shitcake!"

butt-cleavage-revealing

present participle. "Ass cheeks on a platter" would be another way of saying it.

Related terms: back-cleavage-revealing, posterior-cleavage-revealing, rear-end-cleavage-revealing, gluteal-cleavage-revealing, non-cleavage-revealing, glimpse-of-cleavage-revealing, deep-cleavage-revealing, cavernous-cleavage-revealing, man-cleavage-revealing.

Real citation: "Schaffer is doing a beachwear collection inspired by Vegas show girls with peacock colorings and the aforementioned sequins. I love creating swimwear, she says of her low-cut V-front, butt-cleavage-revealing one-pieces."
("Behind the Seams," http://citypaper.net/articles/2003-05-15/naked.shtml)

Made-up citation: "'Plumber's-crack-defying' is a fine synonym for 'butt-cleavage-revealing,' as Sylvia Plath, John Donne, and other fine poets have demonstrated."

non-lame-oid

noun. A person completely devoid of lameness, lameosity, and brutal lameassedness.

Real citation: "written by a non-lame-oid. therefore, supreme being."
("PopStory," http://rumandmonkey.com/popstory/index.php?action=read;ident=1683)

Made-up citation: "At this point, I've given up on being cool, but I still have vivid dreams about being a non-lame-oid."

pants-on aesthetic appreciation

noun. Non-prurient interest.

Real citation: "It wasn’t a full on bad shoot though it easily could’ve been – it was just kinda sad, as it was pretty clear that the photographer didn’t want to be shooting porn. He kept making disparaging “jokes” like “Look at me now, getting paid to ask girls to spread themselves open for me” and saying things like “Let’s just get through this. It’s not like the artistic merit of these pictures is important at all.” Now, I may be just a dumb porn girl, and a hooker to boot, but fuck, man – I love what I do, and I take pride in it. While I’m not so misguided to believe that more artistically produced “erotica” (or whatever the fuck you want to call it) inspires solely pants-on aesthetic appreciation, I heartily believe that it’s worth taking pride in porn, and making stuff that is sexy in both content and form."
(Audacia Ray, "Porn pride," April 7, 2005, http://wakingvixen.blogspot.com/2005/04/porn-pride.html)

Made-up citation: "Studies show that job satisfaction is directly proportional to the number of coworkers who inspire something more than pants-on aesthetic appreciation."

ego-handjob

noun. An environmentally-friendly sexual act that...oh sorry, I thought that said "eco-handjob." Let's go with this instead: Metaphorical hand-to-weenie contact resulting in a happy ego ending.

Real citation: "Would some thin-wristed shoe-gazing bass player please hurry up and fuck this girl? Once confined to her ultra-vapid sycophantic hipster blog Ultragrrrl, Sarah Lewitinn has somehow parlayed her love for wimpy bands and kitsch into a career as a record promoter and talking head about—two guesses—wimpy bands and kitsch. Lewitinn's Spin column, "Making Out with Ultragrrrl," chronicled her giving numerous bands ego-handjobs back stage as she drunkenly hung on them, making funny rock-star poses."
("50 MOST LOATHSOMENEW YORKERS," New York Press, http://nypress.com/18/13/news&columns/50most.cfm)

Made-up citation: "I will give ego-handjobs when the occasion demands, but I much prefer delivering the atomic ego-wedgie."

ratfuckery

noun. Bungled and/or frenzied and/or dishonest activity that is not completely unlike a bucket of rats making sweet love.

Related terms: Philadelphia ratfuck.

Real citation: "The final tally of electoral votes was updated live throughout election day, 02 November 2004, by Andrew Tanebaum of Electoral-Vote.com, where he stayed up all night hopefully tabulating the votes, only to sob bitterly at the sheer monstrous ratfuckery of it all. He then asked to be excused to the bathroom, from which a single gunshot was later heard. "
(Kasreyn, Nov. 3, 2004, http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2004/11/2/5813/09810)

Made-up citation: "I'll be finished with my Bachelor's in Political Science this June--I just have to finish an online course in Advanced Ratfuckery."

orgasmitude

noun. Bliss: hot, steamy, sweaty, buttered, barbecued, bootylicious bliss.

Real citation: "Grand Theft Auto III - Vice City was all out so I tried this, thinking it'd be worth a shot. Boy was it ever. If this is half as good as Vice City, Vice City must be pure video gaming orgasmitude."
(Callahan, Dec. 2, 2002, http://www.wannabebigforums.com/printthread.php?t=11789&page=4&pp=100)

Made-up citation: "The highest level of orgasmitude I have attained this year involved the mac and cheese at Shango in Buffalo, NY. Ooh-la-la-la-mmm...."

hoopy-doopy

noun. A hoo-ha, or a brouhaha, or a fucking circus.

Real citation: "As most readers of New York Press are probably aware, a few weeks back we had a bit of what's known in the business as a 'hoopy-doopy' here."
(Jim Knipfel, "Dream On," The New York Press, http://www.nypress.com/18/13/news&columns/knipfel.cfm)

Made-up citation: "Young parents, do not make a hoopy-doopy over every poopy-woopy. Toilet training is important, and if you err in any way, your child may grow up to be one of the most vicious mass murderers in history."

get Neanderthal on your ass

idiom. This would seem to indicate that primitive violence is on the way and someone's ass will soon be grass.

Related terms: get biblical on your ass, get continental on your ass, get existential on your ass, get federal on your ass, get funky on your ass, get medieval on your ass, get metaphysical on your ass, get militant on your ass, get nasty on your ass, get prehistoric on your ass, get proper on your ass, get Prussian on your ass, get Republican on your ass, get voodoo on your ass.

Real citation: "And remember- don't you EVER tell me what I should or should not be feeling, asshole. Get your own fucking limbic system, or I'll have to get Neanderthal on your ass. My anger = your suffering."
(InfoHazard, Aug. 28, 2004, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/rec.drugs.smart/msg/e90ea73086768c4d)

Made-up citation: "Since I cut my hair and trimmed my beard, I fear I am no longer qualified to go Neanderthal on your ass. However, I assure you I am still a rabid, seething, feral beast in my heart."

stinkboiga

noun. The olfactory accompaniment to a shitstorm.

Real citation: "And I gotta say, Pig-Pen's room stank. It smelled like burnt beans and propane in there. Talk about a stinkboiga! This kid must have earned his Master's degree from P.U."
(Magazine Man, "The Resume (A Random Anecdote)," March 21, 2005, http://masthead.blogspot.com/2005/03/resume-random-anecdote_111233447870583902.html)

Made-up citation: "As a summer camp counselor, I lived in pretty much a stinkboigapalooza 24-7. Smell the magic!"

satanic-ish

adj. Just a little like the Dark Lord and Master of us all. Mmm...Dark Lord.

Real citation: "So, blah blah blah, yeah. I got to thoroughly freak out my mother by watching 2 satanic-ish (both movies dealing with the devil) movies right before Christmas, always a plus! So, erm, yeah. I have flooded my grandpa's computer with music downloads, and I'm afraid I even loaded the GIMP onto it, but I don't think I can use it because this computer is too painfully slow to do anything substantial with."
(Lalala, Dec. 26, 2003, http://coldnsteel.deviantart.com/journal/1585380/)

Made-up citation: "When I can't get Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I get cranky, and then I go postal, and sometimes I get satanic-ish, what with the evisceration and all."

poo-nibbling

present participle. Tastefully pecking upon poo-poo.

Related terms: poo-eating, poo-chomping, poo-gobbling, poo-sucking, poo-licking, poo-munching, poo-ingesting, poo-snacking.

Real citation: "you poo-nibbling cricketfucker."
(Sept. 11. 2004, http://www.madnesstemple.com/forum/7782)

Made-up citation: "Although it is yucko and wrong for humans, poo-nibbling is both nutritious and socially-acceptable for many small mammals, including bunnies--even the Easter bunny if you must know."

double-meh

interjection. A particularly emphatic unenthusiastic reaction.

Related terms: meh, meh-worthy, meh-tastic, meh-ish, uber-meh, mega-meh, major meh.

Real citation: "Well, sure, but at the same time, I used to live in Vegas. They had Lorne at the Trop, which is a good 10 miles of Strip away from Fremont Street, where they ran and Lorne sang to shatter the lights. Meh. Double-meh. Los Angelenos likely have that kind of reaction regularly, but this I know and meh."
(Audiodidact, "Season 4: Rejects & Rejection," Dec. 18, 2003, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=2343632&view=findpost&p=801444)

Made-up citation: "Double-meh, triple-bleah, or even a yawn squared would not begin to convey my apathy toward your zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

beyoinked

adj. This describes any object, service, or small mammal that has been yoinked--or in non-Simpsons lingo--stolen.

Related terms: yoink, yoinker, yoinkee, yoinkage.

Real citation: "Yoink: To violently or non violently take an object from another, regardless of the love or respect the yoinkee has for the beyoinked object. "
("yoink," http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=yoink)

Made-up citation: "'Verily, thou hast truly won my beyoinked heart,' said Thor, setting down his hammer in the plush foliage, as he gazed upon the duct-taped squirrel."

losered-out

adj. In full-on, 24-carat, mega-loser mode.

Real citation: "Regardless of how insanely cute those boys are, it was wrong of me to denigrate anyone for their profession—unless they're in a bad-karma occupation like an undercover narcotics officer, performance artist, or bikini waxer (that shit's just wrong!). In fact, the nastiest, most losered-out, dad's-basement-living dirtbag I ever dated worked in finance and wore a tie every day. So I don't know what I was thinking. "
(Judy McGuire, "Lusty Ladies," Seattle Weekly, http://www.seattleweekly.com/features/0509/
050302_diversions_dategirl.php)

Made-up citation: "You can't spell 'losered-out' without 'lout,' but you can spell 'Nahasapeemapetilan' without 'q.'"

what-the-fuckometer

noun. A handy, portable, WTF-detecting device.

Related terms: fuckometer, don't-give-a-fuckometer.

Real citation: "Before I left for winter break, my roommate asked me if her sister could come visit for two weeks. I said okey dokey. I came back from Massachusetts on the 3rd of January and about 3 or 4 days later, the sister arrived. She crashed on the couch and joined our little Law and Order cult. (By cult I mean we watch completely unhealthy amounts of it.) No worries. One day, I was home from work, and Sister was on the phone. When she got off the phone, she was very happy because she was most likely going to get the job she'd applied for. Yay! Job! We did the New Job Conversation (i.e. the What Where When convo), until my what-the-fuck-ometer went off. "Wait...when does this job start?" "Whenever they tell me I actually have it, I guess!""
(AlwaysAnEagle, Feb. 1, 2004, http://www.ubersite.com/m/24561)

Made-up citation: "Though rats make fantastic pets, I tell dubious-looking strangers I have hamsters, just so I don't set off their narrow-minded, car-alarm-like what-the-fuckometers."

boneheadery

noun. Contrary to popular anatomical notions, some skulls don't house brains--dig as deep as you like, with your trustiest bone saw, and you'll just find more bone, bone, bone. Naturally, all that bone takes a few points off the IQ, resulting in boneheadery and related conditions such as buttmunchitude.

Real citation: "Any ideas on how to correct my boneheaded mistake? And, no, the disk was not backed up - another piece of boneheadery."
(Dale M. Greer, Jan. 20, 1995, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/comp.sys.mac.system/msg/74fb7c32978144d4)

Made-up citation: "The ball-lessness and boneheadery of the Democratic party have been royally pissing me off--maybe a stiff drink and Matt Taibbi's new book Spanking the Donkey: On the Campaign Train With the Democrats will make me feel better."