geishariffic

adj. Terrifically teeming with geisha-y goodness.

Real citation: "The day my geisha arrives on my doorstep I feel, in a word, geishariffic!"
(Rock Stoeckel, "My Memoirs of a Geisha," March 9, 2006, McSweeney's, http://mcsweeneys.net/2006/3/9stoeckel.html)

Made-up citation: "Gazillions of geishariffic girls get government grants! Golly!"

boneresque

adj. All boners are equal in the va-jay-jay of the Lord. They're all equally boneresque too.

Real citation: "Here is the boneresque Washington Monument."
(abhorrancethrash.com/abhorrance/images/tour/2003SUM/DC-WashMon1.html)

Made-up citation: "Zoologists agree that the animal kingdom can be divided into boneresque and non-boneresque creatures. Naked mole rats are prominent members of the first category."

defribrohooziewhatsit

noun. A cardiologist's handy thingy.

Real citation: "Room of Magical Heart Patients and the Doctors Who Love Them. Denny's heart is beating too fast; they have to slow it down. Alex and Izzie attend to Denny as Burke calls out orders. He wants them to try a synchronized defribrohooziewhatsit."
(Erin Dailey, "What Have I Done to Deserve This?," page 6, Television Without Pity, http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/story.cgi?show=162&story=8904&page=6&sort=&limit=)

Made-up citation: "I had heart surgery for an atrial septic defect when I was 8, but I've blocked out memories of any defribrohooziewhatsit action."

non-stalky-creepy

adj. Totally not deserving of having nuts chopped off.

Real citation: "I love the idea of looking at a bookstore; if you could do it in a non-stalky-creepy way"
(Pomeranian, March 15, 2001, http://surveycentral.org/?x=x&V=7420)

Made-up citation: "My mother always said, 'Non-stalky-creepy doesn't mean non-prosecutable.'"

fishmongerette

noun. A fishmonger with feminine charms, wiles, and fish.

Real citation: “I met G while out shopping this morning, at an upmarket food emporium where he often shops (I was buying coffee beans). We chatted a while, eventually arriving at the fresh-fish counter where the fishmongerette greeted him by name. G ordered a dozen oysters.”
(Udge, “On buying oysters,” Sept. 18, 2004, http://udgewink.blogspot.com/2004/09/on-buying-oysters.html)

Made-up citations: "Can a fishmongerette be a vegan? Further research is needed."

horsecest

noun. Conjugalicious relations with a horse, resulting in romance or death.

Related terms: cousincest, dormcest, dogcest, floorcest, horsecest, housecest, momcest, siblingcest.

Real citation: "eww, horsecest."
(Lyvianus, June 6, 2005, http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/comment/164119/)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'The snorting of his horsecest was heard from Dan: the whole land trembled at the sound of the neighing of his strong ones; for they are come, and have devoured the land, and all that is in it; the city, and those that dwell therein.'"

pole-up-buttedness

noun. This involves no pole of romance--only an intrusive javelin of high-strung, uptight priggery.

Related terms: bad-buttedness, bare-buttedness, big-buttedness, blubber-buttedness, broad-buttedness, bubble-buttedness, cake-buttedness, cute-buttedness, dumb-buttedness, fat-buttedness, fuzzy-buttedness, his-royal-monkey-buttedness, iron-buttedness, kick-buttedness, large-buttedness, non-fuzzy-buttedness, pain-in-the-buttedness, pig-buttedness, pucker-buttedness, stick-up-the-buttedness, suck-buttedness, tight-buttedness, whiny-buttedness.

Real citation: "i was probably laughing as a reaction and statement about the pole-up-buttedness of the proceedings, but perhaps that's mostly knee-jerk and adolescent."
(March 30, 1998, http://www.links.net/daze/98/03/30/)

Made-up citation: "Though not listed in the DMS-IV, pole-up-buttedness is all too real and painful."

bedpanish

adj. Bedpan-y; bedpanesque; semi-bedpan-like.

Real citation: "Not really, most helmets don't have that wrap-around portion at the cheeks; that's what makes it truly look bedpanish..."
(Snake, Jan. 7, 2004, http://www.tfarchive.com/community/showthread.php?s=a46647661be1d6d953d8b180b12fcafc&threadid=
20281&perpage=30&pagenumber=3)

Made-up citation: "Now it is I who have the advantage, my bedpanish friend!"

fucknut magnet

noun. Someone with a powerful and frustrating fucknut-attracting quality.

Related terms: nutjob magnet, wingnut magnet, loser magnet, asshat magnet, asshole magnet, doofus magnet, dork magnet, dumbass magnet, skank magnet, ho magnet, bad kisser magnet, neanderthal magnet.

Real citation: "Yes, I'm a fucknut magnet. (Pssst...must be pissing tilUgetLaid off again. LMFAO!)"
(Debbie, Nov. 26, 2002, http://groups.google.com/group/z-netz.alt.wichtig/msg/513eae90f0cc8aa6?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "If I were a fucknut magnet, I'd have to carry a crowbar or big can of Raid at all times. I have little tolerance for fucknuttery."

wanna-matricide

noun. A mommy-murder that is soooo sub-par and probably takes place on the FX network, where dirty plastic surgeons and dirty cops frolic and play dirty reindeer games.

Real citation: "What extra-special irked me about Julia's wanna-matricide is that while yes, I do agree that in many ways, it could be an act of mercy (someone so appearance-oriented as her mum would NEVER want to live life as a krispy kritter), Julia seemed to be deciding Erica's worth in the world was totally based on her own need/non-need for her."
(kattart, "Nip/Tuck," Dec. 7, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=2864952&view=findpost&p=4117822)

Made-up citation: "According to the Bible, even a wanna-matricide is a no-no."

mistakertunity

noun. Not a real Bushism. As far as we know.

Real citation: "Touts the 'success' story of the Coast Guard’s evacuations. I suppose if you don’t consider the need for emergency evacuations themselves as a problem… Katrina: The Mother Of All Mistakertunities."
(Ana Marie Cox, "Chatology: Passing the Buck," Feb. 20, 2006, Wonkette, http://www.wonkette.com/politics/maureeen-dowd/chatology-passing-the-buck-155869.phpwonkette.com/politics/maureeen-dowd/chatology-passing-the-buck-155869.php)

Made-up citation: "Every time a mistakertunity is misunderestimated, an English teacher stabs herself with a fork."

brokebackitude

noun. No chiropractor necessary--unless he looks cute in chaps.

Related terms: Much linguistic brokebackery can be found here.

Real citation: "As for Ken's brokebackitude, let's not forget the notorious Earring Magic Ken, designed in the early '90s based on their observations of the guys who hung out in all-night clubs in NYC. A lot of those clubs have names like 'The Manhole'."
(Townleybomb, Feb. 9, 2006, Althouse, http://althouse.blogspot.com/2006/02/new-ken-doll.html)

Made-up citation: "I don't object to the brokebackitude of Brokeback Mountain, but I won't go see it 'cause it looks like one of the most wretched and cornbally chick flicks of the millennium. Gag me with a branding iron."

jackholey

adj. Kind of like a jackass plus an asshole minus two asses.

Related terms: jackhole, jackholish, jackholery.

Real citation: "first off, i've had a lot of inquiries as to how bad that one comment was that i deleted it on the last post. for the record, it was a spam comment with a link to who knows what, so i deleted it because i don't want people contracting viruses and accidentally getting on spam servers from my blog. no matter how jackholey ol' anon e mouse gets, i won't delete him. maybe. probably. :-)"
(Alice, "tales of farm school," August 12, 2005, Alice's Wonderland, http://aliceblogs.blogspot.com/2005/08/tales-of-farm-school.html)

Made-up citation: "For the new essay section of the SAT, students will need to carefully define 'jackholey,' 'assholey,' and 'buttholey' using specific examples from their neighborhoods and gene pools."

nadtastic

adj. Once more with balls.

Related terms: nadtacular.

Real citation: “Why do dudes love Bruce Dickinson so much? Is it his operatic stylings? Could it be his chameleonlike ability to effortlessly change his career midstream? Or is it his Nadtastic outfits? No one knows for sure, not even Bruce!”
(Steben Wintle, Nov. 14, 2004, http://www.ottawaxpress.ca/books/books.aspx?iIDArticle=4724)

Made-up citation: "If testicular cancer were renamed 'nadtastic cancer,' scientists agree that very little grooviness would be added."

date-iest

adj. There's a lot of dating going on here, people. You might want to avert your eyes.

Real citation: "Without a doubt, Lindsay is the "date-iest" gal in Hollyweird, being romantically linked with a litany of Tinseltown royalty, including Colin Farrell, Joaquin Phoenix, Jude Law, Wilmer Valderrama, Jared Leto, Benicio del Toro, perhaps Bruce Willis, Bryan Adams, Ryan Adams, and this week? Match Point star Jonathan Rhys Meyers, who was spotted rooting around Lohan at NYC's posh Spotted Pig."
(Ann Romano, "One Day at a Time," March 2, 2006, Portland Mercury, http://www.portlandmercury.com/portland/Content?category=22175&issue=37578)

Made-up citation: "This is probably one of the date-iest periods of my life...though not the hot-monkey-sexiest, unfortunately."

pseudo-doofus

noun. A doof who is a goddamn frackin' poser doof.

Real citation: "The pseudo-doofus writes: Fine as far as it goes. Your links page is missing one of the best, though. Start with this url, and work your way through:"
(http://www.xent.com/jan00/0162.html)

Made-up citation: "Scientists agree that pseudo-doofi are lower forms of life than doofi, though a cure has yet to be found."

butt-white

adj. That means quite white, folks--chock full o' honkiness and crackerosity.

Related terms: butt boring, butt naked, butt stupid, butt lazy, butt annoying, butt horrible, butt heinous, butt awful, butt crappy, butt lousy, butt lame, butt nasty, pig-butt nasty.

Real citation: "It's pretty depressing, and will make the honkies among us deeply ashamed to be butt-white and filled with just as little understanding and just as many prejudices as Carmen and Bruno."
(Heather Havrilesky, "I Like to Watch," Feb. 26, 2006, Salon, http://www.salon.com/ent/tv/review/2006/02/26/i_like/index2.html)

Made-up citation: "The newest Crayola color Butt-White is not being used to paint a masterpiece of racial harmony in elementary schools across the nation."

newscretin

noun. A somewhat redundant term for a non-sharp newsdude or newsdudette.

Real citation: "Don't waste time arguing with a person this crazed. The only people who think O.J. is innocent are Paige, nine semi-retarded jurors, and newscretin Tavis Smiley."
(Yukon Cornelius, Oct. 12, 2001, http://groups.google.com/group/alt.gossip.celebrities/
msg/ea809c0ee6f25b2a)

Made-up citation: "A newscretin is a special kind of cretin, just as a female naked mole rat is a special kind of naked female hottie."

moonbatette

noun. A raving loony of the female-ier sex.

Related terms: moonbat, moonbatter, moonbatty, non-moonbatty, moonbatish, non-moonbatish, moonbatesque, moonbattitude, moonbattery, moonbattage, moonbatosity, moonbatism, moonbatterism.

Real citation: "His wife is CONTEMPLATING divorce? Just thinking about divorce? Well, I suppose it doesn't matter, because if she does divorce him there are plenty of stupid women out there. And I bet you some sicko moonbatette will read about it in the papers and think..."Hmmm. So he's single again?" And write to him in prison."
(mollywog, June 28, 2005, http://64.233.179.104/search?q=cache:elcPjRb3TugJ:www.rightnation.us/forums/index.php%3Fact%3Dfindpost%26pid%3D683093329+moonbatette&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1)

Made-up citation: "Batwomen, dingbats, and moonbatettes have their charms. Especially if you're Batman or a batshit-nutty whackjob."

fanfuckingtacular

adj. Fantastically, spectacularly fucking whatever.

Real citation: “i wouldve said fanfuckingtacular animation, mediocre song.”
(inhauntedattics, Feb, 9, 2005, http://hatofbugs.com/beautifulground/index.php?showtopic=366)

Made-up citation: "The most fanfuckingtacular show I've gotten into lately is The Shield, and I don't even like cop shows. But I guess I like dirty cop shows, because this shit is as addictive as the crack the main characters plant on suspects."

destankification

noun. The arduous stank-removing process.

Real citation: "I wasn't paying attention while showering this morning, and I soaped before I shampooed! I can't even remember violating this routine; I'm pretty sure I've maintained it since I started showers instead of baths. The world is going to end. Tags: destankification, eschatology, me"
(ultranurd, Dec. 17, 2005, The Den of Nurdage, http://ultranurd.livejournal.com/tag/destankification)

Made-up citation: "There's a fine line between destankification and deskankification, according to the Bible."

sex-upedness

noun. The quality and essence of something that has been royally pumped full of crass sexual appeal, not unlike a blow-up doll. Pardon me, I've just been informed the preferred term is "Inflatable American."

Related terms: all-wrapped-upedness, backed-upedness, beat-upedness, blowing-upedness, blow-upedness, bottom-upedness, broken-upedness, built-upedness, bundled-upedness, bung-upedness, busted-upedness, catch-upedness, caught-upedness, chalked-upedness, charged-upedness, choked-upedness, chopped-upedness, cooped-upedness, crack-upedness, cuddled-upedness, dipfucked-upedness, fed-upedness, fired-upedness, fucked-upedness, fuck-upedness, funked-upedness, gear-upedness, grown-upedness, hard-upedness, high-upedness, hooked-upedness, hooking-upedness, hung-upedness, hyped-upedness, jacked-upedness, knocked-upedness, made-upedness, mashing-upedness, messed-upedness, mix-upedness, mocked-upedness, not-waking-upedness, one-upedness, pent-upedness, pop-upedness, power-upedness, psyched-upedness, puffed-upedness, pump-upedness, put-upedness, riled-upedness, ripped-upedness, runner-upedness, screwed-upedness, screw-upedness, serious-fucked-upedness, shut-upedness, stirred-upedness, stuck-upedness, stuffed-upedness, suckin’upedness, suck-upedness, total-fucked-upedness, un-made-upedness, warmed-upedness, washed-upedness, wash-upedness, woken-upedness, wound-upedness.

Real citation: "The basic rule of interpreting remade movies is to start with the insistence that the original is better while subvocally recognizing the better pacing and sex-upedness of the Hollywood remake."
(nanio, Jan. 23, 2006, http://64.233.179.104/search?q=cache:Jx7IRdSm3EwJ:www.quasify.com/+%22sex-upedness%22&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1)

Made-up citation: "Sex-upedness does not necessarily involve sex, though dipfucked-upedness will always involve a dipfuck, according to dudes at a local research university."

milfitude

noun. Look deep into the hotness of a MILF, and this ye shall find.

Real citation: "Despite having the name of someone's uncle, Daryl is way hotter in her milfitude than Uma."
(Rpb406, July 22, 2004, http://wehateerwin.com/search.php?search_author=Rob406&sid=c7961233c6c77f19e3e1d60173482a1e)

Made-up citation: "Lena Olin's got more milfitude than I can fathom, and I can fathom a lot. I'm a real fathomer. She's just HOT, folks."

anti-kavorka

noun. An essence, mystical power, or animal-magnetismish quality that personally drives women into nunneries or lesbionic activities in droves.

Real citation: "Well, you turned her _into_ a nun, so it seems you have anti-kavorka."
(MikeWrite, June 19, 2002, http://groups.google.com/group/alt.books.tom-clancy/msg/305ed42c53aa7cba?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "Though dating does feel like getting a drano enema most of the time, I'm not convinced I have anti-kavorka. Further research is needed."

perma-sneery

adj. I told you your face would freeze that way.

Real citation: "Doctor Who didn't and yet they're regarded as its defining feature, and though I really shouldn't let these things bother me it's all part and parcel of this perma-sneery attitude the media has now, and I'm fucking sick to the back teeth of it."
(Rob Matthews, Nov. 28, 2003, http://www.pagefillers.com/dwrg/topten10.htm)

Made-up citation: "No one like a perma-sneery putz--not even a portly proctologist."

metric dickload

noun. Though actual tallywhackers vary in size from teeny-weeny to circus-freaky, a metric dickload is always more than a mouthful.

Related terms: metric buttload, metric assload, metric arseload, metric bootyload, metric poop-load, metric poo-load, metric shitload, metric crapload, metric fuckload, metric frackload, metric boatload, metric truckload, metric smurfload, metric cuntload, metric cockload, metric pantload, metric pantsload.

Real citation: "Would that be a metric dickload or an Imperial dickload?"
(http://users.erols.com/aburner/quotes.txt)

Made-up citation: "He may not know the difference between a metric dickload and a bazillion, but Alex the parrot does understand the concept of diddly-poo."

Bushtin

noun. The love that can only bloom between George W. Bush and Vladimir Putin.

Related terms: Bennifer, Brangelina, Spuffy, TomKat, Vaunghistan.

Real citation: Bumiller: “Did President Bush misjudge Putin when he said he had looked into his eyes and seen his soul?” Never trust love at first sight. Rice says something that’s not really an answer and unfortunately doesn’t say if Bushtin (Putsh?) is still a couple or not.
(Ana Marie Cox, "Chatology: Digesting the Sunday Spew," Feb. 13, 2006, Wonkette, http://wonkette.com/politics/chatology/chatology-digesting-the-sunday-spew-154401.php)

Made-up citation: "Pootie-Poot and Commander Cuckoo-Bananas were caught canoodling in Kentucky--it's a Bushtin bonanza, live on CNN!"

non-bonerish

adj. Yes, we have no bananas.

Real citation: "yea dont worry about it..im on this xanga thing when i should finishing or rather STARTING over due work...hahaha....daughters like mothers? anywhos.....is that your DOG? i want him....bring him to me so i can play with him...in a non bonerish kinda way...haha"
(MonkeeTee, April 26, 2005, http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=morphingsheep&tab=weblogs&uid=249783793)

Made-up citation: "It's never easy for former fuckmonkeys to enjoy a friendship that is completely non-bonerish. Unless they're women."

boinkdom

noun. The land of boinkery, where hot squishy monkey sex is the conjugalicious norm.

Real citation: " One thing for sure: There should be plenty to talk about when two or more AUEers are gathered in the name of boinkdom. There are many sides to this group."
(Maria Conlon, Dec. 28, 2002, groups.google.com/group/alt.usage.english/msg/8448d1272b889a72?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "In the kingdom of heaven, the boinkdom of heaven will melt your face and bake your noodle, if God is a merciful God and not just another asswipe."

fuckheadface

noun. The closest relative of the common fuckfacehead.

Related terms: shitheadface.

Real citation: "Better to succeed entirely at one thing than to be a failure at everything like YOU. Thanks for the superlative, fuckheadface."
(Match 17, 2001, http://groups.google.com/group/alt.games.final-fantasy/msg/5a71b4baade9b0b1?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "I divide the world into two types of people: leprechauns and fuckheadfaces. Wheee!"

sleepwank

verb. A non-master-of-your-domainy, post-sheep-counting, mega-ishy activity that you had better not be doing in the top bunk, mister.

Real citation: "Someone i used to know used to sleepwank, she'd wake up flicking her bean. very embarrising on guide camp."
(Phil, April 26, 2003, http://www.voodoojunkie.com/voodooboard/viewtopic.php?p=172872&sid=ede3cab70df57a388df05276c29e2d08)

Made-up citation: "I thought snoring and jimmy legs were bad qualities in a bedmate...then I read about sleepwanking. Get me to a nunnery, stat!"

craptacularosity

noun. Crappy cubed.

Related terms: craptasticosity.

Real citation: “Another warning sign of a movie's craptacularosity is if the trailer contains that song that goes:”
(Filipino Elvis, Aug. 23, 2004, http://chud.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-70151.html)

Made-up citation: "My family had it rough. Grandma died in squalor, and Grandpa died in craptacularosity."

man-boobitude

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

circle-jerkesque

adj. When warm looks and warm hands and warm pizzles embrace in a circular (though metaphorical) situation, this word is appropriate.

Related terms: circle-jerky, circle-jerkish, circle-jerkery, circle-jerkage.

Real citation: "It's not encouraging that Ms. O'Malley cites some notoriously circle-jerkesque op-ed writers as her guiding lights. It's like Conservatives citing Ann Coulter."
(Kevin, April 5, 2003, http://calstuff.blogspot.com/2003/04/new-planet-has-pledged-bias.html)

Made-up citation: "Circle-jerkesque behavior isn't just for jerks: fuckwits, cronies, dim bulbs, buttmunches, moonbats, cheese dongs, and doofi have all been observed partaking in circle-jerkitude by smart local scientists."

triangle-age

noun. Love triangles--the most annoying day of geometry class ever.

Real citation: "To be honest, the only good things about this episode was the ending, Bailey, and the lack of triangle-age. Maybe I was just expecting too much from a post-super bowl ep, but it was not even close to one of the best that this show has done."
(EvilSpawn, "2-17: "It's The End Of The World" 2006.02.05," Feb. 5, 2006, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3135330&view=findpost&p=4467046)

Made-up citation: "Evidence would suggest that TV writers get their checks doubled every time they add triangle-age to a show. Maybe if somebody clubbed these hacks with a shovel instead, they'd feel a little differently about foisting this crap on us all."

archskank

noun. A skank of high rank.

Related terms: archangel, archbishop, archdeacon, archpriest.

Real citation: "To Kerr! ArchSkank of the UK"
(http://beautybash.net/messageboard/archive/index85.html)

Made-up citation: "Even a mega-ho or slutbomb can't compare to an archskank, according to the Pope."

cakewalky

adj. Easy as walking on cake, baby--though taken literally, cakewalking may present problems.

Real citation: "Routine operations, in the sense of we can do this many times over, need to be somewhat cakewalky. Its one thing to hang it all over the edge during test phase, its another thing to ask that every operational flight do that."
(Andre Lieven, Jan. 10, 2004, http://groups.google.com/group/alt.tv.the-west-wing/msg/b89c3f81cad41183?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "Ever try to pee while doing a handstand, just to mark a little arboreal territory? Probably not, but it's cakewalky stuff to a panda."

va-jay-jay specialist

noun. An expert on all things vaginaltruous.

Real citation: "GA happy new years! umm i need you to check my va jay jay to see if it's time for a wax--- your my va jay jay specialist!"
(Jan 1, 2006, http://www.myspace.com/yourheroine)

Made-up citation: "A gynecologist who calls himself a va-jay-jay specialist or groinocologist may not be trustworthy or recommended by doctors."

badasslessness

noun. Look deep into the soul or pants of a non-badass, and this ye shall find.

Related terms: asslessness, White Male Asslessness, chapped asslessness, congenital asslessness.

Real citation: “The agents, although cool-looking, had a lot of badasslessness.”
(Nerje, April 6, 2001, http://forums.thelastfreecity.com/viewtopic.php?t=149)

Made-up citation: "With a lisp, 'badasslessness' is easy to have yet hard to say."

clusterfrack

noun. A frackin' clusterfuck-type sitch.

Related terms: clusterboink, clusterfornicate, clusterfreak, clusterfrell, clusterfrick, clusterfrig, clusterfug, clusterhump, clusterplook, clusterpork, clusterschmuck, clustersmurf.

Real citation: "What a clusterfrack that was, too."
(Skinny Dipper, April 2, 2004, http://www.lake-cumberland.com/forum/post.php?action=reply&fid=8&tid=2928&repquote=25577)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his clusterfrack has no place in our hearts.'"

teenageracide

noun. Teen pregnancy, teen violence, and teen sarcasm got you down? There is a solution.

Real citation: "Let me first state that I am not in favor of murder, no matter what. I don't believe in the death penalty, and even though they annoy the crap out of me, I'd never advocate teenageracide. But anyone who's ever been through a horrible breakup can kind of maybe understand, just a little teensy bit, this poor schmoe's motivation."
(Judy McGuire, "A Man Scorned," Feb. 7, 2006, Bad Advice, badadvice.typepad.com/my_weblog/2006/02/a_man_scorned_.html)

Made-up citation: "To perform a teenageracide, cut teenager in large cubes and place in one layer on a plate or in a shallow dish. Drizzle with lemon juice and olive oil then sprinkle with salt and pepper. Refrigerate for one hour. Meanwhile, cut vegetables alternating each ingredient. When coals are glowing...oh wait, those are instructions for a buffalo shishkebab. Sorry, parents! My bad."

fan-diddly-an-diddly-tastic

adj. Pretty damn fantastic with two sides of diddly and a bow on top.

Related terms: bling-diddly-tastic, chocco-diddly-tastic, crap-diddly-tastic, fan-damn-diddly-tastic, pimp-diddly-tastic, plum-diddly-tastic, rad-diddly-tastic, ska-diddly-tastic, spam-diddly-tastic, spank-diddly-tastic.

Real citation: "Alaskan Thunderfuck--grown in the land of the Midnight Sun. Winner of the '96 Cannibus cup 1st prize. First bud that ever made me hallucinate. Not LSD hallucinate, more like really mellow Shrooms, fan-diddly-an-diddly-tastic."
(iluvstiflersmom, Dec. 21, 2004, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:K4Xf5tbNhEsJ:www.brokenlizard.com/board/view.php%3Fid%3D436415+fan-diddly-an-diddly-tastic,&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Right now, I'm watching season two of The Shield--which, to put it mildly, is pretty fan-diddly-an-diddly-tastic. Of course, watching it before bed makes me sleep about as well as a snitch who betrayed Vic Mackey crossed with a hyperactive squirrel. But what can you do?"

rockoutitude

noun. Less talk, more rock.

Related terms: all-outitude, candle-blowing-outitude, cop-outitude, down-and-outitude, freak-outitude, get-outitude, ghetto-cracked-outitude, hanging-outitude, lay-outitude, sell-outitude, well-thought-outitude.

Real citation: "Not to say that the ambiance and rockoutitude of the entire Deloused CD is anything less then stellar, but all this hooblah about a story of a man entering a dream world and adventuring and waking up but still choosing to die.... Would you have gathered that if you hadn't read the cd info?"
(Izawwlgood, 2005, Gnostic, http://www.gnoosic.com/discussion/mars+volta.html)

Made-up citation: "A few years ago I saw the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Sleater-Kinney in Boston...seldom have I experienced such rockoutitude. I am also going to marry the S-K drummer when I grow up."

splatulence

noun. Reason #318 why the men's room is the most terrifying place on earth.

Real citation: "No man using a public, multi-stalled restroom expects that his farts go unheard. Still, in many places it's illegal to make an audio recording of someone without his knowledge—but those laws forbid recording conversations, not flatulence or splatulence."
(Dan Savage, "Sound and Fury," Jan. 19, 2006, http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=26600)

Made-up citation: "Dietary changes may alleviate flatulence, but a splatulence problem can be solved only by getting the hell away from me. Thank you."

henchess

noun. A dastardly female assistant, complete with feminine wiles and possibly a crowbar.

Real citation: "You do my bidding quite well, actually, maybe just throw in a little abuse of language or absurdity and I think you'll make a very fine henchman... henchlady... henchess? Underling. Yeah. Now, make me a sammich!"
(erick, Nov. 13, 2004, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:56oCU_m5egUJ:lugubrious.net/news/display/
290/+henchess&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "I'm a young professional looking for friends, friends with benefits, activity partners, henchesses, and a new toaster."

fuckdango

noun. Loosely equivalent to "a fucking fandango."

Related terms: fundango, blogdango.

Real citation: "The sniper rifle can be converted to a shotgun for playing House of the Dead 3, too. Fuckdango of a party game (for nerds)!"
(dizzy, Feb. 3, 2005, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:0DizFGrkHbIJ:www.lunaticrage.com/drippy/forum.php%3Fa%3Drt%26f%3D4%26t%3D2369%26m%3D48662+fuckdango&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=2)

Made-up citation: "Taoist philosopher Chuang-Tzu wrote, 'Do not be an embodier of fame; do not be a storehouse of schemes; do not be an undertaker of projects; do not be a proprietor of fuckdangos.'"

festery-looking

adj. Grody and gory to the mildewy, maggoty max.

Real citation: “The gore of the claws is awesome. o.o It's all... slimy and festery-looking. *gore envy*"
(Daimera, June 14, 2005, http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/19465448/)

Made-up citation: "A festery-looking falafel is considered bad luck before noon. And at most other times."

moonbatterism

noun. A philosophy or behavior that's loony and nutty and wacky as fuck--bugfuck, that is.

Related terms: moonbat, moonbatter, moonbatty, non-moonbatty, moonbatish, non-moonbatish, moonbatesque, moonbattitude, moonbattery, moonbattage, moonbatosity, moonbatism, moonbatette.

Real citation: "The government sets up programs to deter more organized terror attacks on our soil, and for over four years there are no more OTAs on our soil. A reasonable person might see SOME connection between the two things, but, yeah, it could be one big fucking coinkydink. Maybe terrorists are simply bored with making plans to attack us and have gone on to new hobbies, such as golf or knitting. Or we could go with the moonbatterism that there really are no organized terrorists and 9/11 was just a bunch of guys with no connection to anything. Or the Jews did it! Yeah, that'll work."
(Paula Light, Feb. 2, 2006, Ultrablog, http://paulalight.blogspot.com/2006/02/trolling-trolls.html)

Made-up citation: "This might be my favorite Bushism/moonbatterism: 'The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants.'"

re-corpse

verb. Revive. Rekill. Lather. Rinse. Flee.

Real citation: "I loved the entire scene between Julia and the corpse, including the chilling end where Julia, uh, re-corpsed it. I think it's because I've always thought of Nip/Tuck as a revenge tragedy, and I expect most characters to end up dead or miserable. Am I the only one who sees the show in such a misanthropic light?"
(Scorched Earth, "Nip/Tuck," Dec. 7, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=2864952&view=findpost&p=4115829)

Made-up citation: "If you perform exorcisms, you're in a religion. If re-corpsing is more your thing, you're in a cult."

ball prints

noun. Telltale signs left behind at the fellatial scene of the full-frontal fellatosity.

Real citation: "This ethics conference should be a real hoot: Peggy Noonan will talk about the secret communiques of Vatican II as revealed to her by Flipper, Fred Barnes' chin will be dusted for George Bush's ball prints and Tim will serve up $50,000 worth of pontification on his favorite theme -- 'It's news if I say it is.'"
("Ethics? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Ethics!," Jan. 27, 2006, firedoglake, http://firedoglake.blogspot.com/
2006_01_22_firedoglake_archive.html#113834741210842303)

Made-up citation: "Like snowflakes, no two (or is that four?) ball prints are the same."

chowderheady

adj. Delicious New England clam chowder is a terrible thing to waste.

Related terms: chowderheadish, chowderheaded, chowderheadedness.

Real citation: "The Good Dream: I was waiting in this interminable line in Staples, and the store manager was apparently being a real chowderhead. He didn't actually do anything chowderheady in the dream, but I just knew in that dream way he was being a chowderhead."
("Dream a little dream...," Oct. 20, 2003, The First Time I Turned Thirty, http://trackerneil.blogspot.com/2003/10/dream-little-dream.html)

Made-up citation: "Call me chowderheady, but I can't see any pluses in having children. Plus, I'd hate to pack on the pounds like a meaty male monkey."

mashed-potato-brainitude

noun. Like shit-for-brains, but tastier--and better for you too.

Related terms: fuzzy-brainitude, right-brainitude.

Real citation: "Do you ever remember being mashed potato brained? Has there been any long-lasting effects on your mental well-being from slipping into mashed-potato-brainitude so often? Explain for the people at home, Jim."
("The Red Sox, Sail Boats, Blues Music, Beer, Driving, Girls Wearing Coconut-Scented Sunblock, etc.," Nov. 26, 2004, http://mysite.verizon.net/vzeo6f10/allthatisgood/id21.html)

Made-up citation: "When I finally get diagnosed with a fatal case of mashed-potato-brainitude, I will blame the computer, which seems to follow me everywhere. I may also blame my family, my gender, and Zeus, my favorite God."

lust in one's pants

idiom. When there's not enough room in your heart for a load of lust, check your pants.

Real citation: "A Rhodes Scholar, lawyer and former Governor of Arkansas with lust in his pants and his Ivy league, ambitious wife come to Washington."
("Eight Years of Autopilot and Laissez-faire," http://www.angelfire.com/blog2/bigpicture/eya_19.html)

Made-up citation: "When female rats get jacked on coffee, it puts a little extra lust in their pants. I told you to stop giving Starbucks to the rats, Mom!"

absomotherfucking

adverb. Absolutely, motherfuckingly so.

Related terms: absofucking, absofuckingnotly, absofuckinglutely, absodiddly, absonotly.

Real citation: “See asslicker kiss worthless ass on VH1’s rock show and for what SCOTT, Absomotherfucking NOTHING!”
(Diabolic, Jan. 15, 2003, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:yUvFiN0dGakJ:www.metalreview.com/forum/post.asp%3Fmethod%3DReplyQuote%26REPLY_ID%3D3770%26TOPIC_ID%3D355%26FORUM_ID%3D3+absomotherfucking&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "I never, ever make a bet, because though I may be absolutely sure of something, I am absomotherfucking sure that I always lose bets. I hate my brain. Excuse me while I make a crack and grain alcohol smoothie."

mid-groininess

noun. Right smack in the creamy middle of--as the Bible says--"putting the devil into hell." Or, you know, there may be two hells, two devils, or any other combination that's been tried since Christ was a cowboy.

Related words: non-groininess.

Real citation: "It’s easy, because he calls out her name mid-groininess and afterwards . . . he holds me."
(Beetle, "Pretend," http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:cz6C3tvE1LcJ:stepaway.com/archive/viewstory.php%3Fsid%3D1077%26PHPSESSID%3Dcda8b9987644e18c4d464f77d8d4f55f+groininess&hl=
en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=11)

Made-up citation: "Any testimony that was obtained mid-groininess will not be heard in this court. Unless you speak up!"

nutjobesque

adj. Kinda sorta wackjobby.

Real citation: "i like rush, he's a funny bastard, hannity is too fucking rightwing nutjobesque for me"
(Aug. 2, 2004, http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:UpKz-owaPgkJ:www.board.yourmomsbox.net/viewthread.php%3Ftid%3D3798+nutjobesque&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1)

Made-up citation: "Mark Peters is making up this sentence and putting himself in the third person, just to get that nutjobesque quality in his blog. Now Mark's done."

open-woundish

adj. Lord, Lord, talkin' bout my oozing cyst.

Related terms: festering woundish, primal-woundish, raw-woundish.

Real citation: “She's even somewhat hopeful, in these early, open-woundish months after her breakup, she'll find someone else to love.”
(Mike Bell, “Bif's nerves naked,” Oct. 3, 2004, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:Hbxbw3teSNsJ:www.canoe.ca/
JamMusicArtistsN/naked_bif.html+woundish&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Methinks I'm going to feel open-woundish about the Bush administration for a long time...but a Will Ferrell Bush movie would ease my pain considerably. Why in the name of pancakes doesn't this happen?"

thinkbone

noun. I think it's under the skullbone. And it's connected to the corpus-callosum-bone.

Real citation: "It hurts my thinkbone."
(Jon Stewart doing George W. Bush, Jan. 30, 2006, The Daily Show)

Made-up citation: "According to a recent Harvard study, America's favorite body parts are the think-bone, the boner-bone, and hair. Further research is needed on this problematic subject."

man region

noun. El crotcho masculino.

Related terms: woman region, buttockal region, nether regions.

Real citation: "WOW- loveland is one nasty team. it seamed as if they didnt care if they got kicked out of the game because it was their last one. i have never seen a nastier team play. i no 1 maybe 2 players got kicked out. they bit fingers, kicked in the man region, twisted ankles.... just about everything you can think of. i do respect them for coming out strong knowing they have nothing to play for tho.... all in all a great game."
(kmkdude, Oct, 31, 2004, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:4NgFL1jOPW0J:www.yappi.com/forums/printthread.php%3Fthreadid%3D75394+%22kicked+in+the+man+region%22&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1)

Made-up citation: "According to the Bible, you people should gird thy loins, which may or may not require a girdle but certainly involves the man region. So get girding!"

bad kisser magnet

noun. An unfortunate person who attracts hordes of drooling, smooch-challenged, would-be lip-lockers.

Related terms: nutjob magnet, wingnut magnet, fucknut magnet, loser magnet, asshat magnet, asshole magnet, doofus magnet, dork magnet, dumbass magnet, skank magnet, ho magnet, neanderthal magnet.

Real citation: "I'm a bad kisser magnet, all hail me"
(Neleke, Jan. 11, 2003, http://www.chrisrankin.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?p=215274&sid=dde59bfd6c57a6ad644df1c8b3f4bd0e)

Made-up citation: "Though I don't always keep my inner George Costanza in the barbed-wire-lined cage where he belongs, at least I've never contributed to anyone I've dated being a bad kisser magnet. As far as I know. And I have excellent hair and a good phone voice, I promise."

bird-flu-tastic

adj. Stop licking chickens, OK?

Real citation: "mmm bird-flu-tastic"
(Jan. 6, 2005, http://www.alternativenation.net/forums/scotland/93101-exodus-aberdeen.html)

Made-up citation: "My dear Aries, if you stay open to all possibilities, the cosmic winds will blow romance, good financial news, and a bird-flu-tastic surprise your way later this year."

infangelina

noun. The crotchfruit of the most holy womb of Angelina Jolie. Mmm...holy womb, Batman.

Related terms: Brangelina, vagilina, Federletus.

Real citation: "We will need special goggles. No, the goggles won't protect us. We'll need artists, great artists, who'll sacrifice their eyes for one brief gaze upon the Brangelina infant (or, as we like to call it, the Infangelina), sketch its glory quickly, then spend their rest of their lives as blind babbling fools, jibbering in some monastery somewhere."
(Jan. 18, 2006, Fametracker, http://www.fametracker.com/fame_audit/infangelina.shtml)

Made-up citation: "I just wanted to say that finding 'infangelina' makes me giddy as a schoolgirl when the sailboats dock. It sounds like an adorable, fanged baby of death that will probably chew all our throats out. Maybe when the infangelina grows up, it will be part of an intifada. Or it might attend a pharmaceutical program and become a very handy medication that cures the bird flu and stuff."

forensicy-type

adj. Uh, I don't really watch these shows, but sounds kind of ishy.

Real citation: “Every time I watch these forensicy-type programs on Court TV, I keep thinking, I could write these things, but where do I go to sign up and volunteer (at first, until they saw how wonderful I am) to work on them?”
(chickenpinata, “Putting Off Laundry, and a Rant,” Feb. 1, 2005, http://chickenpinata.tblog.com/archive/2005/01/)

Made-up citation: "I'm just guessing Forensicy-type Falafel wouldn't be a popular lunch."

salad bar rage

noun. A crouton-related anger-management disaster not recommended by doctors or waiters.

Real citation: “We'll hit rock bottom when we have salad bar rage.”
(sswift, July 26, 2002, http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=251532)

Made-up citation: "There's only one cure for salad bar rage--aversion therapy with bleu cheese. If the patient drowns in the chunky white goodness, he's cured. If he lives, we feed him to rats. Either way, America stays number one."

fuckwiener

noun. Heh. Fuckwiener.

Real citation: "YOU MAY ALREADY BE A FUCKWIENER!"
(Dec. 4, 2005, rabbit blog, http://www.rabbitblog.com/
2005_12_01_rabbitblog_archive.html#113376878854491706)

Made-up citation: "Very few of Emily Dickinson's poems rhymed 'fuckwiener' with 'duck cleaner,' though scholars of American literature agree that this important poet believed ducks should be well-groomed at all times."

batshittitude

noun. Madness. Batty, shitty madness.

Related terms: batshit crazy, batshit insane, batshit loony, batshit whacko, batshit nutty, batshit nutso, super-batshit-insane, completely-fucking-batshit-insane, batshit-fucking-crazy, batshit-sounding, batshit-demented, non-batshit, pre-batshit, anti-batshit, batshit loonball, holy batshit, batshittery, itchy-batshitty, batcrap, batpoop, luminous batshit evil.

Real citation: “Lord yes... Michael Savage is an intelligent, well-read individual who goes batshit crazy the moment something happens with which he does not agree. All the brains and all the reading will not save you from batshittitude. I used to have to board-op the Michael Savage show.”
(Listener, Aug. 11, 2005, http://www.juntoonline.com/forum/index.php?topic=3514.msg61366)

Made-up citation: "Researchers at a local university are trying to determine whether Scientologists or born-agains have a greater batshittitude quotient. Either way, heathen monkeys just can't stay off the porn."

non-suckalicious

adj. There is no suck to be found here. Move along.

Real citation: “RoboRaptor - sequel to last year "robosapien" along with it's new stable mate "robopet" - Now I have a thing for Robots dating back to reading Asivmov and discovering Star Wars (non suckalicious original edition) as a kid.”
(mirandazero, “The cyber divide and gadget whore,” Dec. 10, 2005, http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/journal_view.php?journalid=88010&entryid=270148&view=public)

Made-up citation: "As I grow and mature, I'm slowly becoming a one-coffee man--Dunkin' Donuts is the only java that tastes non-suckalicious to me lately. I think there's crack in that coffee. Mmm...crack coffee."

metric frackload

noun. A frackin' whole lot of I don't know what.

Related terms: frack you, fracked up, motherfracker, clustercrack, metric buttload, metric assload, metric arseload, metric heinie-load, metric bootyload, metric poop-load, metric poo-load, metric shitload, metric crapload, metric fuckload, metric boatload, metric truckload, metric smurfload, metric cuntload, metric dickload, metric cockload, metric pantload, metric pantsload.

Real citation: "Yeah, there's only a whole metric frackload of Boomers out there. She isn't going anywhere."
(SurvivAR-15, 2005, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:x48V1RHAo4gJ:ar15.com/forums/topic.html%3Fb%3D1%26f%3D5%26t%3D298560%26page%3D19+%22metric+frackload%22&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "A metric frackload of folks have told me to check out the new Battlestar Galactica, and damn it, I will. By Odin's beard, I will."

mailmanette

noun. A mailperson with feminine wiles. And feminine mail equipment.

Real citation: "my aspiration is to be a mailmanette."
(funny hat, http://www.fictionpress.com/~funnyhat)

Made-up citation: "I come from a long line of mailmen and mailmanettes, though I personally prefer going mental to going postal."

butt-grape ritual

noun. The kind of love that is possible only between a coach and an athlete. And a grape.

Real citation: "The single best coach story I heard concerned a college football coach who purportedly made his players run wind sprints while each one held a single grape between the cheeks of his buttocks. The unfortunate soul who came in last had to eat the grapes. Haunting though this story is, I can't verify it. My correspondent, a rather distinguished newspaper columnist, said he read about this in a biography of the coach in question that was published in the 1970s. But despite assiduously searching Amazon.com and Google's book-search page, I was unable to find any reference to the butt-grape ritual, and therefore shall withhold the name of the coach in question. (I think it may also be awhile before I can bring myself to eat a grape.)"
(Timothy Noah, "Bad Coaches," Jan. 19, 2006, Slate, http://www.slate.com/id/2134286/?nav=tap3)

Made-up citation: "In my culture, the ancient butt-grape ritual separates the men from the boys and the grapes from the bananas. Thank you, Jesus."

scooper's elbow

noun. The number one health hazard of the pooper scooper troopers of America.

Real citation: "If he has any complaints about his chosen career, it's what he calls "scooper's elbow." When it rains, he explains, the poop gets saturated with water and becomes heavy."
(Sam Boykin, "The sweet stink of success," Salon, salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/01/18/pooper_scoopers/print.html)

Made-up citation: "The student asked the Zen master, 'Do proctologists develop scooper's elbow?' The Zen master merely smiled while filling his pants. At this, the student was enlightened."

brain bleach moment

noun. Those times when a do-it-yourself-lobotomy is the only way to make the pain stop.

Real citation: "Sorry about the brain bleach moment. I don't make the news, I just report it, but it did look awfully suspect. But then, I've got a dirty mind, so..."
(McKay, "Adult Moments on Kids Shows," July 27, 2004, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3113944&view=findpost&p=1723467)

Made-up citation: "I can't think of totally squicky brain bleach moment off the top of my head...does my entire adolescence count?"

diddly bupkis

noun. Nada with a side of jack squat.

Real citation: "Ladies and gentlemen, I had a speech prepared, but I think I'll just wing this one. Our economy is in a shambles. We've only reached 1/20th of our job target, which was set awfully low as it is. That's just shameful. It seems that the Republican economic model is failing, as the only 'recovery' is in a few sectors on Wall Street and in the pocketbooks of CEOs. The average American is seeing diddly bupkis. So I'm going to take this opportunity to fire all of my economic advisors, and replace them with well-read and published social democrats."
(Briguy, Jan. 21, 2004, http://www.rabble.ca/babble/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=13&t=000244&p=)

Made-up citation: "The difference between human DNA and chimp DNA? Somewhere between half a banana and diddly bupkis."

de-edumacation

noun. Sounds like someone needs their learning juice.

Real citation: "The De-edumacation of the American Brainscape"
(The Colbert Report, Jan. 18, 2006)

Made-up citation: "The only non-humans who engage in edumacation, not de-edumacation, are ants. As a Visiting Assistant Professor of Problematic Heuristics, I couldn't be more proud."

hair tossy

adj. Since cutting my long, flowing locks, I can no longer engage in this kind of sultry behavior. Which is probably for the best. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Real citation: "Cindy is doing a lot more pouty sexy hair tossy things in this one, so maybe the guys will like it more."
("Not my favorite, but still really good," Aug. 7, 2003, www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A2D9TA1EYXA9KR/002-6742189-6220830)

Made-up citation: "Hair-tossiness may be genetic, like heart disease and a yen for pea soup."

fuck-capades

noun. Also known by the less catchy terms “fornication-capades” and “hot-buttered-monkey-sex-capades.”

Real citation: "Yes, your name is certainly on the tip of everyone's tongue, overshadowing even the latest Clinton fuck-capades."
(Biil Palmjob, Feb. 12, 1998, http://groups.google.com/group/alt.genius.bill-palmer/msg/08c2ef1243a40879)

Made-up citation: "Memo to the producers of Lost: fewer evil, meaningless smoke-monsters and more fuck-capades please."

lesbiatic

adj. Lesbionic.

Related terms: lesbiotic.

Real citation: "I have not heard very good things about Evil Beaver. (that's a great sentence even out of context!) Seriously though, a supposed lesbiatic duo that plays loudly and poorly."
(nezpierce, Feb. 3, 2004, http://crack.rockdell.org/index.php?topic=1464.msg30946)

Made-up citation: "Lesbiandar is a handy device for tracking down practitioners of the lesbiatic arts."

Xenu-tastic

adj. Having something to do with Xenu, a fantastic intergalactic badass who 1) according to Scientologists, was a naughty, naughty space-demon-thing about 75 quadrillion years ago, and 2) according to South Park, laughs like Jabba the Hut.

Real citation: "To prove his sincere Xenu-tastic passion for Katie Holmes, Cruise jumped on Oprah Winfrey's couch, yelling 'I'm in love!'"
("Tom: Crazy in Love," Dec. 29, 2005-Jan. 12, 2006, Rolling Stone, p. 97)

Made-up citation: "There's a fine line between Xena-tastic and Xenu-tastic. Actually, that's a lie. Xena would slice Xenu's nuts off and feed 'em to her cat."

dillholery

noun. Look deep into the soul-hole of a dillhole, and this ye shall find.

Real citation: "What did I miss? Well, I missed an entire lecture. I also missed, more importantly, a lab assignment. I CAN'T MAKE UP LAB ASSIGNMENTS. I might have also missed a quiz. I don't know. I was too pissed to ask S. So, thanks to the dillholery of B and T, I got fucked over. S is the only one with a valid reason. He was merely doing his job at that damn school. It wasn't his fault."
(Chuplayer, "So, showing up to class on time is bad, eh?," Dec. 9, 2005, http://www.outpostnine.com/forum/showthread.php?s=9d76506e886bb0aace378ea7796b2233&p=98627#post98627)

Made-up citation: "Mom always said, 'Dillholery is forgivable; douchebaggery is not.'"

get one's chastity belt in a swivel

verb phrase. A painful below-the-belt situation experienced by the good and holy and pure and right and spiffy among us.

Related terms: get one's bibles in a knot, get one's monkeys in a bunch, get one's panties in a bunch, get one's pantyhose in a bunch, get one's Calvins in a bunch, get one's buns in a bunch, get one's britches in a bunch, get one's ideology in a bunch, get one's ego in a bunch, get one's tampon in a bunch, get one's nuts in a bunch, get one's whiskers in a bunch, get one's boxers in a bunch, get one's balls in a bunch, get one's beanie in a bunch, get one's thong in a twist, get one's knickers in a twist, get one's panties in a twist, get one's Nicholson in a twist, get one's chakras in a twist, get one's cables in a twist, get one's toga in a twist, get one's noodles in a twist, get one's kilt in a twist, get one's nightie in a twist, get one's undies in a twist, get one's mind in a twist, get one's shorts in a twist, get one's skirt in a twist, get one's tonsils in a twist, get one's skivvies in a twist, get one's extremities in a twist, get one's bollocks in a twist.

Real citation: "I suspect Stanley hasn't even picked the right phony controversy to work himself into a lather about. What's really got the Christian activists' chastity belts in a swivel is NBC's Book of Daniel, a series where Jesus rides in the front seat with Aidan Quinn and same-sex loving seems to be bursting out all over."
(James Wolcott, Dec. 27, 2005, jameswolcott.com/archives/2005/12/gay_polygamy_or.php)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'If thee cannot get thy chastity belt in a swivel over the most minor crap, God hates you and will burn your family.'"

kiss on the pants

verb phrase. Mmm...pants.

Related terms: kiss on the lips, kiss on the cheek.

Real citation: "One, if someone I just met pissed me off, I'd walk away. Immediately. It wouldn't matter how cute he was or now enticing he smelled. Not only that, I would assume any man worth kissing on the pants would do the same."
(Judy McGuire, "New Year's Knuckleheads!," Jan. 4, 2006, http://www.seattleweekly.com/diversions/0601/dategirl.php)

Made-up citation: "Nothing says 'hey sailor!' or ‘happy holidays!’ quite like a kiss on the pants."

crack-whoritude

noun. A literal or metaphorical condition that, by all accounts, can accurately be characterized as "not good."

Related terms: fame-whoritude, media whoritude, semi-whoritude.

Real citation: "Your crack-whoritude has gone beyond all extremes and it's time to part ways. Adobe? Microsoft Acrylic? Apple? Calgon? Take me away!!!"
(Satori Canton, "When Flash Was (Still) Sexy," June 24, 2005, www.actionscript.com/Article/tabid/54/ArticleID/when-flash-was-still-sexy/Default.aspx)

Made-up citation: "Smart scientists have shown that chimpanzees share many abilities with humans, including signing and tool-using. Can crack-whoritude be next?"

lobotomy-ish

adj. A mind is a terrible thing to shank.

Real citation: "And no one is happy. Excepting in the lobotomy-ish way."
(Mr. Shroom, April 5, 2003, http://reallifeforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=66506&sid=4246c1a1eac5ecb0fc92d593dfc545c6)

Made-up citation: "Though I'm a great admirer of learning juice, I never developed a real tolerance to beer. Two and I'm drunk. Three and I'm stupid drunk. Four and above put me in the lobotomy-ish lower regions of la-la land."

butt-sniffee

noun. Where there's a butt-sniffer...

Related terms: admiree, anus lickee, avengee, ball lickee, beatee, beatifee, besmirchee, betrayee, bitee, blow jobee, bombee, brainsuckee, burnee, car-jackee, clobberee, cock and ball torturee, complimentee, consumee, counselee, cradle-robee, crapee, crushee, decapitatee, disectee, disparagee, downsizee, droolee, excommunicatee, exorcisee, felatee, filmee, fist fuckee, floodee, Frenchee, gawkee, giftee, golden showeree, gropee, gougee, headee, impeachee, killee, kissee, lecturee, lickee, likee, litigatee, lustee, manslaughteree, massagee, mindfuckee, Mr. Horse Fuckee, moldee, molestee, moochee, motivatee, mugee, murderee, nursee, obsessee, oglee, pervee, pervertee, photographee, piercee, pimpee, pissee, poopee, predatee, promotee, purse-snatchee, regiftee, reprimandee, scoldee, shagee, shitee, shrinkee, skullfuckee, slashee, slaughteree, slobberee, smoochee, smotheree, sniffee, snitchee, spankee, stabee, stalkee, staree, theftee, toe-suckee, undressee, whackee, wooee, yoinkee.

Real citation: "And his butt-sniffee Tony and he got voted together for the Busted Urinal Award!"
(Gyudon Z, March 29, 2001, groups.google.com/group/talk.origins/msg/c02d7b985228262d?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "The synergistic relationship between a butt-sniffer and a butt-sniffee is crucial in a dynamic business environment."

crotchfruity

adj. Smelling vaguely of children.

Related terms: crotchfruit, uber-crotchfruit.

Real citation: "So the Bashi family must be all wrapped up in the shiny Crotchfruity love."
(BlueHorse, June 29, 2005, http://monkeyfilter.com/link.php/8984)

Made-up citation: "My building is full of dogs, but there is nary a crib lizard or even a crotchfruity odor to be found."

meat-hunk

noun. A hunky slice of delicious dudehood.

Real citation: "According to the New York Post, Pitt pitched a hissy fit over recently taken snapshots of the blond meat-hunk sunning himself naked on the balcony of his Los Angeles home."
(Ann Romano, "One Day at a Time," Jan. 5, 2006, Portland Mercury, www.portlandmercury.com/portland/Content?category=22175&issue=35856)

Made-up citation: "All meat-hunks are not meatheads, though all Sumatran rat monkeys are monkeys--and not recommended by doctors."

orangu-dookie

noun. Do I have to draw you people a map?

Real citation: "Knott analyzes fertility through estrogen and progesterone levels, and weight gain or loss through ketone measurements. DNA is extracted from the orangu-dookie, and stress levels can be measured by cortisol in the urine."
(John Galvin, "The Worst Jobs in Science," Oct. 2005, Popular Science, http://www.popsci.com/popsci/science/
806ffb24a5f27010vgnvcm1000004eecbccdrcrd.html)

Made-up citation: "While 'orangu-dookie' would make a good band name, I must confess I was hoping to name our firstborn 'Elizabeth' or 'Carson.'"

congressrodent

noun. Man or woman, Democrat or Republican, animal or mineral: if it likes cheese, and it has a long tail, and it can't be trusted, and it's in the sewer, and it's in Congress, this is what you got.

Related terms: congresscritter, congressrat, congress-scum, congressweasel.

Real citation: "It would seem that things such as the CDA, etc, are patent violations of the Bill of Rights. As such, wouldn't the Congressrodent(s) proposing such measures be violating our civil rights, and thus be criminally liable? Aren't Congressrodents supposed to take an Oath of Office that involves upholding the Constitution?"
(Dave Merriman, July 13, 1995, Root Causes, cypherpunks.venona.com/date/1995/07/msg00233.html)

Made-up citation: "Congressrodents can be a serious problem for homeowners. The following information can help you identify, control, and eliminate them. Some of the techniques can be applied to the common city councilrodent as well."

funnydar

noun. A keen, ha-ha-detecting sense.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money-dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, dorkdar, skankdar, freak-dar, ass-dar, zombie-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, "someone is staring at my ass"-dar, “Jesus Freak” dar, jailbait-dar, fake-boob-dar, big-dick-dar, catdar, ratdar, dogdar, Christiandar, Catholicdar, wingnutdar, sexual geniusdar.

Real citation: "I have what a call my "funnydar." This job has screwed with my funnydar. I used to have a pretty good feeling of confidence when I was being funny, but now I don't know."
(Ana Marie Cox, "So What Do You Do, Ana Marie Cox?," March 30, 2004, Mediabistro, http://www.mediabistro.com/articles/cache/a1376.asp?pntvs=1&)

Made-up citation: "Singing mice--of the non-Disney variety--get a high reading on my funnydar."

de-schmoopify

verb. To undergo the least romantic procedure imaginable: a liposchmoopification.

Real citation: "Definitely. I'll say straight out that I can't *wait* for the love triangle. I've never gotten why they get such a bad rap. What else can get the viewer more completely engrossed. And the fact that the idea of V/D/L is what has me most looking forward to S2 is proof of what a solid storyline choice I think it actually would be. Of course, in order for it to work, I'd like the V/L to de-schmoopify. Whoever would've thought that Veronica and Duncan would have more potential for the fucked-up and darkly twisted romance?"
(swsa, "Duncan Kane: Transformer," May 4, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3119198&view=findpost&p=2897854)

Made-up citation: "It's a sad thing when two consenting, adorable adults de-schmoopify. When a consenting adult and an adorable squirrel lose their schmoop, that's less tragic."

ass-pullery

noun. Do-it-yourself proctology of the most unseemly sort.

Real citation: "First off, so far this season Enterprise hasn't been that bad, reduced Vulcan bashing, continuity arguments and ass-pullery. But all was undone with this episode."
(The Spider Mastermind, March 23, 2004, http://mst.dark-omens.com/forum/index.php?act=ST&f=2&t=1780)

Made-up citation: "Oh, hi there. I study Political Science at Fordham: I'm investigating problematic issues in advanced ass-pullery."

jack-diddly-fucking-shit-squat

noun. Roughly translated, this amounts to a big bucket o' nada.

Real citation: "I don't know if April Cummings does her own research or reads from a scripted newscast, but someone at KRON is clearly uneducated jack-diddly-fucking-shit-squat about anarchism."
(Sholom Keller, July 10, 2005, San Francisco Independent Media Center)

Made-up citation: "Mathematicians at a local university are working to find a number between zero and jack-diddly-fucking-shit-squat. For mathematicians, they're not very smart."

dickwadette

noun. You called my sister WHAT?

Real citation: "It's a condo dickwad...or should that be dickwadETTE?"
(Paul, Feb. 5, 1997, groups.google.com/group/chi.internet/msg/09125b350e049acb?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "I'm a dreamy, dominant doorman looking for a diminutive, Danish dickwadette in Dallas. Duh."

sugar coma-ness

noun. Well pull my plug and call me Sweetie!

Real citation: "If you want to eat this cupcake, make sure you share it with someone! I documented the dissection process here and wrote about my spiral into sugar coma-ness."
(roboppy, "Sugar Dudes," http://www.flickr.com/photos/arte/6090938/in/set-112574/)

Made-up citation: "If collapsing into a drool-filled puddle of non-dentist-approved sugar coma-ness is wrong, I don't want to be right. Or sentient."

clustersmurf

noun. A clusterfuck of smurftastic proportions.

Related terms: clusterboink, clusterfornicate, clusterplook, clusterpork.

Real citation: "So, now the turrets can fire, but as I've planned on it, you can only smack Huntress in CC. The other turrets either cannot see the clusterSMURF of Steel/Superwoman/Kent or do not have the range. Now, where'd I hear that word "ClusterSMURF"??? I know it was a military flick of some sort, but which one exactly? It isn't Platoon or FMJ (Full Metal Jacket)...so perhaps you recall?"
(Lancelot, June 3, 2005, http://www.creationmatrix.com/forum/index.php?s=a2222787f50c7b3fed385ede2b7bd5c8&showtopic=
10957&pid=477924&mode=threaded&show=&st=&)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'There's a fine line between a clustersmurf and a clusterelf. Now go get that holy land, penisbutt!'"

humanitariany

adj. Aw shucks, they made up a word just for me...

Made-up citation: "But...don't you think I think about myself too much? I think all my life it's always been about me. It still is...only until this year I had gotten so humanitariany."
(Christinaeavynwarner, June 23, 2005, http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/001432-12.html)

Made-up citation: "If God exists, the evidence suggests he's not very humanitariany. He's more like a mix of Darth Vader, Hannibal Lecter, Dick Cheney, and a rabid squirrel with a poor attitude."

wet-blanket-ish

adj. 1. Lame. 2. Ew.

Real citation: "Can't help feeling all wet-blanket-ish about this."
(Dave, Feb. 22, 1998, groups.google.com/group/uk.games.roleplay/msg/79c588eecf391ade)

Made-up citation: "I hate to be the wet-blanket-ish weenie in the group, but I just don't think an exorcism/barbecue is the answer to behavior problems in toddlers. Or cats."

groin pullage

noun. Not as romantic as it sounds.

Real citation: "As a matter of fact, one of my friends has been trying to do the splits for about 4 weeks now and he got pretty close a couple days ago. He went to about 6 inches and held it for about a minute, or until it didn't hurt as bad, then kept going down. He eventually got about 2 inches above the ground before falling over due to extreme groin pullage."
(Dycid, Sept. 9, 2003, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:ewWba6s8cboJ:trickstutorials.com/forum/showthread.php%3Fp%3D98271+%22groin+pullage%22&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Studies show that both goalies and porn stars are prone to painful groin pullage and inappropriate mustache-osity."

not blowing one's panties off

idiom. My metaphorical nethergarments remain firmly and sadly in place.

Real citation: "It didn't suck, but it's not blowing my panties off, either (I couldn't think of a quick one word opposite of suck, unfortunately)."
(dreamy, "5-5: "Out of the Box" 2005.10.27," Oct. 27, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3132147&view=findpost&p=3864991)

Made-up citation: "According to a Time magazine poll, the Bush administration is not exactly blowing the panties off approximately a gazillion Americans with brains."

sweet mother of pancakes

exclamation. The sweet, pure, blessed MILF of pancakes is a beneficent goddess indeed, and her holy name is most worthy of shouting inappropriately on street corners.

Related terms: sweet mother of all logic, sweet mother of all that is good and pure, sweet mother of all things good and sturdy, sweet mother of all things holy, sweet mother of billiard balls, sweet mother of Christ, sweet mother of crap, sweet mother of Fluffy, sweet mother of fuck, sweet mother of fucker, sweet mother of God and our Mother Mary, sweet mother of hell, sweet mother of intestine, sweet mother of invention, sweet mother of jelly, sweet mother of Jesus, sweet mother of mammaries, sweet mother of Marmaduke, sweet mother of mayonnaise, sweet mother of mercy, sweet mother of Mickey, sweet mother of Moses, sweet mother of pearl, sweet mother of Pete, sweet mother of potatoes, sweet mother of shit, sweet mother of Zeus.

Real citation: "Sweet mother of pancakes... this has to be one of the funniest damn things I've ever seen in my life."
(Jamie, July 7, 2005, Freekicks from the Poobah, fellrath.blogspot.com/2005/07/triumph-insult-comic-dog-nails-star.html)

Made-up citation: "Sweet mother of pancakes... I have too much work and too much snot and gunk and brain fluid gushing out my nose. And I'm having a bad hair week. Kill me yesterday."