newscasterette

noun. A newscaster female-ier than Dan Rather.

Related terms: anchorette.

Real citation: "So I turn on the TV for some news -- in this case, it happened to be an MSNBC news spot. I see Mo Rocca and some purely-for-window-dressing, inarticulate, perky-cutesy newscasterette discussing -- of all things!! -- Mariah Carey's recent insistence that Glitter was intentionally treated with undue severity by film critics in order to distract America from 9/11, and whether Glitter was actually "a film ahead of its time." This verbal diarrhea went on for five minutes. WTH?"
(Old Oligarch, July 15, 2005, http://old-oligarch.blogspot.com/2005_07_01_old-oligarch_archive.html)

Made-up citation: "According to the Handbook of Gender-free Language, 'newscasterette' is preferable to 'news ho.'"

Mr. Horse Fuckee

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

wolfshit insane

adj. If you're crazy, and you eat, crap, fondle, collect, worship, lick, or admire wolf shit--and you know it--this term may well end up in your CIA profile.

Real citation: "The day after Cruise went wolfshit insane on Oprah, there was a rumor that a Brazilian shaman had presided over the marriage between White Stripes frontman Jack White and ectomorphic model Karen Elson on a canoe (and that Meg White had been the maid of honor).
(Chuck Klosterman, "In No One We Trust," page 130, Sept. 2005, Esquire)

Made-up citation: "The next time someone goes wolfshit insane on Oprah, I hope the wolf or wolfdude eats her."

Count Crackula

noun. Whitney Houston.

Related terms: Cracky, Crackney, Whitney McCrackney, Mrs. Crackhead, Ms. Cracktastic, the McCrackersons.

Real citation: "On the Bravo board someone referred to her as "Count Crackula" and the other posters jumped down his throat. I hope that person find their way here where that kind of snark is fostered."
(ChocolateCherry, "Being Bobby Brown," July 1, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3126210&view=findpost&p=3184662)

Made-up citation: "If Count Crackula did a commercial for Count Chocula, think of the marketing synergy: you'd have yummy chocolate, yummy crack, and bone-headed pop fluff all working together in an addictive, sticky, smoky, barfy package. USA! USA!"

President I'm-So-Buff

noun. Commander Cuckoo-Bananas.

Real citation: "If you want our advice, buy up as much pseudoephedrine as you can while it's still legal. You might not shed eight pounds like President I'm-So-Buff, but you'll be productive at work and your nose won't run. And isn't that worth something?"
(Ann Romano, "The Week in Review," The Portland Mercury, http://www.portlandmercury.com/current/one_day.html)

Made-up citation: "I'd feel a lot better about this global-struggle-against-violent-extremism thing if President I'm-So-Buff were fighting it personally in a series of steel cage matches."

muffin-napper

noun. A dastardly thief of muffins who doesn't even care that these muffins have families!

Real citation: "Welcome back. I will send you muffins if you like, but I doubt that you will relieve them because of the New Zeland muffin napper that still hangs out around these parts."
(Tihstae , Jan. 1, 2005, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.roundtable/msg/56dd7d055a50181e?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "If a muffin-napper reads a muffin-choker while holding a muffin-walloper, then a muffin-robber is reading a sensational and probably gross newspaper story with one hand on his hoo-hoo-dilly."

frost one's cheese

idiom. Chap one's ass, burn one's waffles, or get one's thong in a somewhat frosty and cheesy twist.

Related terms: frost one’s apricots, frost one’s ass, frost one’s bagel, frost one’s balls, frost one’s biscuits, frost one’s britches, frost one’s brownies, frost one’s buns, frost one’s butt, frost one’s cake, frost one’s cantaloupe, frost one’s chaps, frost one’s coconuts, frost one’s cookies, frost one’s cornflakes, frost one’s crank, frost one’s cupcake, frost one’s dangly bits, frost one’s dome, frost one’s donuts, frost one’s fanny, frost one’s flakes, frost one’s freezer, frost one’s Fritos, frost one’s gizzard, frost one’s glass, frost one’s goat, frost one’s gonads, frost one’s gourd, frost one’s hide, frost one’s hiney, frost one’s jaws, frost one’s jimmies, frost one’s lizard, frost one’s muffins, frost one’s nipples, frost one’s nose, frost one’s oatmeal, frost one’s ovaries, frost one’s patootie, frost one’s peaches, frost one’s potatoes, frost one’s prunes, frost one’s pumpkin, frost one’s rear end, frost one’s shorts, frost one’s snowballs, frost one’s socks, frost one’s toes, frost one’s tonsils, frost one’s uterus, frost one’s weenie, frost one’s Wheaties, frost one’s windshield, frost one’s you-know-what, grate one’s cheese.

Real citation: "Besides, it really frosts my cheese when somebody registers every TLD of a common word or phrase."
(Matt Beland, http://www.seattlewireless.net/pipermail/talk/2003-June/004212.html)

Made-up citation: "Nothing frosts my cheese like stapled papers that need to be copied--that's why I worship at the cute, metallic altar of the paper clip."

nincompoopitude

noun. If you could look inside the soul or pants of a nincompoop, this is what you would find.

Real citation: "Most anti-drug campaigners don't trust acquisitional nincompoopitude as a preventative, though, possibly because teenagers at large are very together and confident."
("Insouciance is My Anti-Drug," Laura's Journal, http://www.lanceandeskimo.com/journal/antidrug.shtml)

Made-up citation: "Side effects occur infrequently and include muscle aches, constipation, nincompoopitude, abdominal pain, and terminally terrifying torture of the testicles."

diddlefest

noun. A fuckapalooza, with just a whiff of Michael Jackson-style Catholicism.

Real citation: "not to mention that the salesmen here have friggin foxnews on in the showroom...where it is a constant barrage of tsunami warnings, terri shiavo and the michael jackson diddlefest....driving me nuts!"
(glassowater, March 28, 2005, http://sirsyband.proboards21.com/index.cgi?board=Random&action=display&thread=1112033026)

Made-up citation: "Just because you're getting your drugs from Canada doesn't mean a diddlefest is legal."

douchebutt

noun. Douchebag plus buttfuck minus fuckbag.

Related terms: douchetard, douchewad, douchefuck, douchehead, douchenuts.

Real citation: "Me: yes- your reputation definitely precedes you. what's db stand for? dickbrain? douchebutt? dilbert? or just dipshit boy?"
(July 31, 2002, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/rec.audio.pro/msg/3f249aa9ef7ec717?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "Real parents have named real children 'Winner,' 'Loser,' 'Harvard,' 'Shithead,' and 'Lemonjello,' so when the hell are some creative parents going to get off their ass and slap 'Douchebutt' on some deserving little nipper? How long, oh Lord, how long must I wait?"

itchy-batshitty

adj. Mentally wacky in an especially scratchy way.

Related terms: batshit loony, batshit whacko, batshit insane, batshit nutty, batshit nutso, super-batshit-insane, completely-fucking-batshit-insane, batshit-fucking-crazy, batshit-sounding, batshit-demented, non-batshit, pre-batshit, anti-batshit, batshit loonball, holy batshit, batshittery, batcrap, batpoop, luminous batshit evil.

Real citation: "The documentary is moving forward, but in order to hash out the final details of our agreement I've agreed to meet with a lawyer next week as a means of arbitraton. That's fine, but I'm prepared to walk if things get ugly. Problem is that my momentum is fading a tiny bit -- I like to move faster than this and I can't because it's somebody else's story. I'm used to making short films in a month's time, and the talking-prep stage of this has already taken a month and a half, so I'm going a little itchy-batshitty. Eager to get my finger on the record button."
("IT'S FINE. THIS ISN'T HOLLYWOOD," June 9, 2005, http://www.stealthpunch.com/060905.html)

Made-up citation: "When someone blesses me, it doesn't quite drive me itchy-batshitty, but it does make me want to wash my hands."

penguin-on-penguin action

noun. Dripping, steamy, sweaty, icy, well-dressed, adorable, hot monkey sex for flightless waterfowl.

Related terms: penguin porn.

Real citation: "When a male and female bond, the curve of their necks and their bowed heads form the shape of a heart. But that G rating ensures a lyrical fade-out. For penguin-on-penguin action, presumably, you have to wait for the unrated DVD."
(David Edelstein, "Hazzard payoff," Slate, http://slate.msn.com/id/2123826/)

Made-up citation: "Penguin-on-penguin action leads our youth and birds down a slippery slope of liberalism and no moral fiber; soon, every school and streetcorner will be oozing with parakeet-on-grandma action."

mantourage

noun. A creamy, testosterone-filled entourage.

Real citation: "I doubt he would have any qualms killing you and having some part of his mantourage dispose of your body at that point."
(solitaire, Sept. 23, 2004, http://www.snowcream.net/openlyclay/index.php?s=8dbe7d0e4560c31d52a57863ff9bf96e&showtopic=355&st=180)

Made-up citation: "My mantourage of goons and lickspittles come in very handy when I need to arrange a beating or an impromptu volleyball game."

poopoo brain head guy

noun. What your mother calls you when she prays.

Real citation: "I'm not trying to act like an asshole saying those things, I just wanted to point out why I've done those things. So don't think I'm a meany, stinky, poopoo brain head guy, because that would be immature :)."
(http://www.battlereports.com/comments.php?reportnum=3950)

Made-up citation: "If most of the country ever became truly appalled that the President is a fucking moron, we might get to read about poopoo-brain-head-guy-gate."

pseudo-non-crummy

adj. Sorta but not really un-craptastic.

Real citation: "Topic: -pseudo non-crummy espresso"
(Robin, http://themeyers.org/HomeRoast/Topic10873.htm)

Made-up citation: "Please Zeus, let me find a pseudo-non-crummy NYC apartment I can afford..."

crack-pipe-worthy

adj. Wacko from cracko.

Real citation: "As for si.com, here is this week's Burning Questions in which it is argued that the reason the Bengals absolutely have playoff hopes is they have the best qb in this division and this week's Power Rankings from Dr. Z where he alludes to his crack-pipe worthy pick of the Bengals to upset KC."
(Memphis Bengal, "Focusing on the Bengals," Nov. 12, 2003, The Sports Frog, http://www.sportsfrog.com/archives/2003_11.html)

Made-up citation: "Please rank these entities in order of how crack-pipe-worthy it is to believe in them: angels, devils, God, Allah, leprechauns, zombies, pixies, the Holy Spirit, the force, mole men, little green (non-Irish) men, smurfs, Thor."

wedgie-resistant

adj. Impervious to the atomic wedgie and related forms of anal warfare.

Real citation: "you have an wedgie-resistant ass?! incredible! just for that, i might be willing to give you your first lap dance."
(megan, http://artclassforfuckupsandretards.blogspot.com/2005/06/6-10-2k5.html)

Made-up citation: "To a determined wedgie warrior, no butt is wedgie-resistant."

combover-ee

noun. Someone who--for the love of pancakes!--has the most loathsome non-mullet dude's haircut imaginable.

Real citation: And combover-ees don't just think they're fooling people, adds Sheldon S. Walker, a psychologist based in Calgary, "They think it looks really good." (For the record, he's not speaking from personal experience: "I have a full head of hair.")
(Melena Z. Ryzik, "Divine secrets of the combover brotherhood," Salon, salon.com/mwt/feature/2005/07/26/combover/index.html)

Made-up citation: "I'm generally against the trend of men and women declaring war on hair by shaving their bodies into a prepubescent state, but I do think combover-ees would do well to get a Brazilian on their skulls."

farmboyesque

adj. Sort of like the kind of fellow you'd meet behind a haystack.

Real citation: "I'm looking foward to Kingdom Hearts 2. It seems like it would rock. I enjoyed the last a lot. Anything of this calibur that goes into a second is going to rock. The series can be compared to the Holy Trilogy. Take your farmboyesque character and put him into a really bad situation. Have a few friends gather around as he jaunts from place to place saving the world. In the second episode make it darker with a bleak outlook."
(angryjake, Nov. 15, 2004, http://forum.keger.net/viewtopic.php?t=80&sid=ba170fe470663df973ffd4db2191b952)

Made-up citation: "And I'm making my directorial debut this month with the fine feature flick, Frolicsome Farmboyesque Follies on the Fuckfarm."

groinapalooza

noun. Sex.

Real citation: "My bad. When I said "root causes", I should have said "need that was being satisfied". If Buffy is getting more from Groinapalooza than orgasms, I'm not sure what it is, in part because I can't really imagine what else he might offer.
(Jan. 11, 2002, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.tv.angel/msg/9f6c953108c27c3a?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "If your groinapalooza tends to be more of a flopapalooza, there's never been a better time to be alive and buy hundreds of boner-boosting drugs and holistic remedies."

amputation-happy

adj. Chop chop! Chop chop chop chop whack!

Real citation: "In Peter Greenaway's 8-1/2 Women (1999), a woman's death propels a bereaved widower and his son into carnal questing, via a harem of idiosyncratic ladies. Similarly, 1985's A Zed and Two Noughts follows the Deuce brothers, zoologists and former Siamese twins, who lose their wives in a bizarre collision--a great swan crashes into a car driven down Swann's Way by one Alba Bewick (translates as "white swan"). The brothers become obsessed with photographing and measuring decay ("by degrees of grief"), from Apple to Zebra, and equally obsessed with voluptuous Alba, who, having lost one leg in the wreck, later has the other removed... perhaps for the sake of symmetry. Greenaway's funny, gruesome, gorgeous "zoo" also features hooker Venus di Milo, arbiter of the monetary value of everything; an amputation-happy surgeon who'd like to make Alba fit into a Vermeer painting; a sinister Phantom of the Zoo who offs black-and-white animals; and other assorted, often twinned, exotics."
(http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00002RATC/002-6742189-6220830?v=glance)

Made-up citation: "I'm a discrete, mature professional. I'm usually giddy as a schoolgirl on acid. On Saturdays, I get a little amputation-happy. On Sundays, I enjoy reading the newspaper and playing Scrabble."

squicky-icky

adj. Yucky-wucky. And probably sticky-stucky too.

Real citation: "Gwar do the whole squicky icky thing a whole lot more more serious yet totally tongue in cheeck at the same time."
(Nick Sands, Sept. 3, 2000, http://illuminati.net/innomine/digests/2000/9/1-1804.txt)

Made-up citation: “Sam Raimi started his career making squicky-icky movies and ended up doing Spider-Man. Does that mean I can make the leap from chainsaw-wielding sociopath to spandex-clad hero of the people?”

nutcase-dazzling

present participle. Shiny. Pretty. Especially if you're batshit-loony.

Real citation: "But maybe the myriad flaws of 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' are simply the downside of genius. There are sequences in 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' that are as nutcase-dazzling as anything Burton has ever attempted."
(Stephanie Zacharek, "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," Salon, http://salon.com/ent/movies/review/2005/07/15/charlie/index1.html)

Made-up citation: “Few philosophical statements are as nutcase-dazzling as Taoist Chuang Tzu’s immortal words, ‘To use a horse to show that a horse is not a horse is not as good as using a non-horse to show that a horse is not a horse.'”

sweet holy mother of my neighbor’s cat

exclamation. A sweeter, holier, mother-ier, neighborlier, cattier version of "holy shit!"

Related terms: sweet holy mother of a rabid squirrel’s acorn, sweet holy mother of all graces, sweet holy mother of all that is good and sacred, sweet holy mother of all that is pure, sweet holy mother of all things holy, sweet holy mother of Allah/Jesus, sweet holy mother of BLAM!, sweet holy mother of blasphemous invectives, sweet holy mother of bleeding Jesus, sweet holy mother of Bob, sweet holy mother of bunnies, sweet holy mother of chocolate cake, sweet holy mother of Christ, sweet holy mother of disgust, sweet holy mother of Divine Jesus, sweet holy mother of dog, sweet holy mother of friggin’ mercy, sweet holy mother of fucking shit, sweet holy mother of fug, sweet holy mother of ganja, sweet holy mother of Gawd, sweet holy mother of George, sweet holy mother of God in velvet trousers, sweet holy mother of goodness, sweet holy mother of jeebus, sweet holy mother of Leo Fender, sweet holy mother of merciful God almighty, sweet holy mother of mercy, sweet holy mother of Moses, sweet holy mother of muck, sweet holy mother of peaches, sweet holy mother of pearl, sweet holy mother of Plame, sweet holy mother of Saint Francis of Assisi, sweet holy mother of Satan, sweet holy mother of spork, sweet holy mother of the force, sweet holy mother of the hills.

Real citation: "we have ignore lists on this thing? Sweet holy mother of my neighbours cat! I think I'll go read the faq & such for a change and maybe fiddle around a bit with my cp..."
(Abbadon, Jan. 29, 2004, http://www.pcguide.com/vb/archive/index.php/t-27545.html)

Made-up citation: "Sweet holy mother of my neighbor’s cat...is that genetic?"

Saddam-lite-style

adj. A new flavor of Doritos?

Real citation: "This must be some new meaning of "nascent democracies" that I hadn't previously been familiar with. One of those 'nascent democracies' is mostly run by warlords, and produces 75% of the world's opium supply. The other is nominally run by a Saddam-lite-style strongman (see DeLong's post entitled *SIGH*) but effective control of much of the land resides in local militias, and many of those localities are essentially Islamic dictatorships."
(RT, Aug. 9, 2004, http://www.j-bradford-delong.net/movable_type/2004_archives/001307.html)

Made-up citation: "A Saddam-lite-style mustache and cavernous ass cleavage are very in this year, very now."

double-shitbirds

exclamation. An ejaculation with approximately twice the spit, vinegar, shit, and feathers as "shitbirds!"

Real citation: "Double-shitbirds."
(rekkidbraka, "Grey's Anatomy," June 27, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3123797&view=findpost&p=3161274)

Made-up citation: "Double-shitbirds! After watching March of the Penguins, I'm glad to not be a flightless waterfowl, no matter how cute and well-dressed they may be."

pervertitude

noun. Pervage; pervosity; perviliciousness.

Real citation: "Rufus, my lover and best pal, has some new friends at his house: Scorch the Beanie Baby dragon, Reptar, and urfus the rubber rat. I'm sure they will blossom in pervertitude under his care."
(Fnord Prefect Fnord, Sept. 2, 1999, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm/msg/35f7e926bc6d6750)

Made-up citation: "Doris deplores dicksmackitude, and Betty begats buttmunchitude, but Pauline prefers pervertitude."

zombie-dar

noun. A keen, zombie-detecting sense.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, big dick-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money-dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, jailbaitdar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, dorkdar, skankdar, freak-dar, ass-dar, asshole-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, "someone is staring at my ass"-dar, “Jesus Freak” dar.

Real citation: "With her intense "Zombie-Dar," our wrangler searches out these un-deadly women who roam the night."
(http://www.zombiepinups.com/cont_brains.html)

Made-up citation: "My zombie-dar and trusty chainsaw have gotten me and my pubescent, scantily-clad friends through many a secluded cabin in the woods."

dog-ass-flavored

adj. This describes a yum-yum that tastes like the poo-poo of a bow-wow.

Real citation: "It took us a half hour - I shit you not - to get this dog out of the backseat. He was nice, never growled or barked, but he was also stubborn ("I shall not be moved!"). He was just, I guess, happy sitting there in the back of our Buick. Eventually he just got bored and left. My mom and I got back in the car and pondered the destruction of so many innocent cupcakes. Really, she pondered. I just worried what the hell all the kids were going to think of me and my crushed dog-ass flavored cupcakes. I mean, how ghetto is that? We saved the vast majority and it didn't hurt that my mom had made extras. The ones that were superficially destroyed? My carpool buddies volunteered to take those."
(Chris, "Cupcakes!" April 27, 2004, http://www.rudecactus.com/archives/000520.html)

Made-up citation: "Dog-ass-flavored is in the cake-hole of the beholder."

tingly areas

noun. The groin; the loins; the crotch; the nether regions; the special place.

Related terms: tingly parts.

Real citation: "However, because of this brittleness and humorlessness and other nesses, they are also fun to tease. One of my favorites, after someone has gone on and on about chess, then looks to me for approval that, yes, they do play chess and that gets me all sweaty in the tingly areas as well as ashamed to show my face in their glorious presence, is to say, 'I know how the horsey moves.'"
(July 19, 2004, http://www.farmaccidentdigest.com/digest/03009.php)

Made-up citation: “As the Bible said, ‘Gird up thy tingly areas, and take my staff in thy hand, and go thy way. A firm tug or two wouldn’t hurt either.’”

henchman-ish

adj. A little like a stooge, a goon, a toady, a lackey, or a lickspittle.

Real citation: "The animation was very clean, smooth and in proportion. The animators got Batgirl looking right and Barbara just as nice as opposed to the freakish deformities in Shadow of the Bat. There was very nice shading used as well, especially in the Stacked Deck Club. The addition of a henchman-ish thug, The Chemist, was interesting. He would be someone useful in the future to help out a major league villain."
("Batgirl Returns," http://wf.toonzone.net/WF/batman/episodes/BatgirlReturns/)

Made-up citation: “Henchman-ish Homemade Hemp would be a dank, swank name for some Ben & Jerry’s.”

clusterfornicate

noun. Clusterfuck.

Related terms: motherfornicator, rat fornication, fornicate the canine, clusterplook, clusterboink, clusterscrew, clusterfreak, clusterfunk, clusterfrig, clusterfrick, clusterfug, clusterfrell, clusterfudge.

Real citation: "Big clusterfornicate. Match was there. ** ½."
(Dave "Boffo" Hines," Bo and Bob's Wrestling Extravaganza, http://bobobwrestling.com/recaps/jakked/jakked.htm)

Made-up citation: "Kate and her mate hate a clusterfornicate, but Mike and his bike like liquefied chicken manure very much."

loonbatty

adj. Mentally wacky, deranged, or cuckoo, maybe with a liberal tinge to match the conservative “moonbatty,” which is often accompanied by barking.

Real citation: "to give whiny, loonbatty, and otherwise obstructionist minded democrats a big head start digging up irrelevant but sound-bite worthy slime on potential appointment nominees"
(Wind Rider, June 24, 2005, http://silentrunning.tv/archives/006036.php)

Made-up citation: “Not all batty people are loonbatty, just as not all ratfuckers are rats.”

Turd-Blossom-gate

noun. An unfolding scandal that involves no literal shits, flowers, or shitty flowers at all.

Real citation: "If your local media hasn’t been reporting on traitor-gate or whatever we’re calling this (turd-blossom-gate?), or has been unfairly slanting this in favor of the Republicans, I’ve got another action item for you:"
(Newsie, "Get them on the record! What do Republicans think of Rove-gate?," July 13, 2005, Penndit, http://penndit.blogspot.com/2005/07/get-them-on-record-what-do-republicans.html)

Made-up citation: "So far, Turd-Blossom-gate has not inspired as many limericks as Monicagate, much to the chagrin of literature students everywhere."

get all Catholic

verb phrase. Become decidedly molestolicious in a "hide the young boys! quick!" kinda way.

Real citation: "Despite rumors to the contrary, the film avoided an R rating without going under the knife. 'Somehow or another we got our PG-13,' says Linklater. 'I feel we got lucky there. They worry about kids with anything—kids touching alcohol or referring to genitalia. On some of the stuff, I shot alternatives. Like when the one kid says, 'I'm going to tell someone you touched my pecker,' in another shot we had him say, 'I'm going to tell 'em you got all Catholic on my privates.'"
(John Anderson, "Thornton Wilde" July 19, 2005, The Village Voice, http://www.villagevoice.com/film/0529,fanderson,65998,20.html)

Made-up citation: "In an age when a metric truckload of priestly persons have been busted for going all Catholic on the cornholes of kids, only the Catholic faith and my bucket of grain alcohol get me through the night."

dorkheadedness

noun. A heady, dorky form of dumbassitude.

Related terms: assheadedness, buttheadedness, crapheadedness, dickheadedness, dumbheadedness, fuckheadedness, lightheadedness, lunkheadedness, meatheadedness, pinheadedness, poopheadedness, prickheadedness, shitheadedness, shrunken-headedness.

Real citation: "It ended with the three ships. (Interesting how they didn’t show the 1701-E, perhaps because the design wasn’t really beloved; it owes too much to the Voyager-class shoehorn look, and the notch on the nacelles looks distinctly unFederation-like. And yes, I just crossed over into the land of unredeemable dorkheadedness, but I’m past caring.)"
(http://www.lileks.com/bleats/archive/05/0505/051605.html)

Made-up citation: "Where there is dorkheadedness, there is hope. Or more likely, schmucks."

girl-lizard

noun. That magical creature that girls, women, amazons, goddesses, and smurfettes drain when they pee.

Real citation: "After draining my girl-lizard in the very clean Brooks Brothers bathroom, we left and headed to Grand Central Station."
(Rev. Jen Miller, "I Did It for Science, Experiment: How to Marry a Millionaire," Nerve, http://www.nerve.com/regulars/ididitforscience/revjen/006/)

Made-up citation: "In med school, I learned that correlation does not imply causation, fembots don’t have girl-lizards, and there’s a big difference between a hermaphrodude and a humanzee.”

squaloriffic

adj. Ew. Just ew. And may I add, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Related terms: squalorish, squalory, squalor-like.

Real citation: "So now, we have three cats and one dog in our tiny one-bedroom apartment! Well, it's only temporarily squaloriffic. We'll soon find a house that we like (and more importantly, that meets the needs of the pets!) and move everyone in."
(argotnaut, "Cat Mauler Foiled!" Feb. 6, 2004, http://argotnaut.com/blog/?itemid=151&catid=13)

Made-up citation: “Since rats compulsively clean themselves, it’s quite possible my pet rats could be the least squaloriffic objects or entities in my apartment.”

get one's bibles in a knot

idiom. When sphincters clench in a most holy fashion, this expression is recommended, though not endorsed by any church.

Real citation: "A Jesus-freaky group known as "The Resistance" have their Bibles in a knot over Jessica Simpson's "slutty" performance in her music video remake of "These Boots are Made for Walking." Simpson is seen wearing the devil's hot pants, as well as washing the devil's hot rod while wearing the devil's skimpy bikini--which makes Resistance rep John Conner hotter than Hades. "It's sad to see [Jessica] whore herself out like this. She's a singing stripper!" Now hold on there, John! Who ever said she could sing?"
(Ann Romano, "The Week in Review," June 27, 2005, The Portland Mercury, http://www.portlandmercury.com/current/one_day.html)

Made-up citation: “I’ve never gotten my knickers in a twist, and I’ve never gotten my bibles in a knot, and I’ve rarely gotten my panties in a bundle. However, I frequently get my thong in a bunch.”

redeemage

noun. Redemption. Sweet yummy redemption.

Real citation: "Stuff up #2: Ah here is our chance for redeemage, 500 odd people in the main Michael Fowler Auditorium. We get our ten seconds to hood on and plug in with thanks to Issac from Gravity Productions for help with my bass mix."
(http://members.fortunecity.com/runup/newsf.html)

Made-up citation: “If a man seeketh redeemage after having committed a sin, without doubt he is purged of all his sins and looketh pure and resplendent like a turd in the moonlight.”

postalish-bionic

adj. A little bit mechanical, a little bit wacknutty.

Real citation: "This is basically, either my character Dream gone postalish-bionic or some other character, hence the name doesnt have a character name! Wowies"
(Sept. 25, 2002, http://us.vclart.net/vcl/Artists/Michelle-Menezes/index01.html)

Made-up citation: "Even a postalish-bionic supermonkey with a terrible vengeance to mete out can take the time to send a thank you note to his Aunt."

forbidden-love-y

adj. Tarred with the brush of the love that dare not speak its name or suck its toe!

Real citation: "Even though I couldn't care less about the SVR now, I kinda miss S1 SVR. Back then, it was so forbidden-love-y, which is actually interesting... I miss Syd and Dixon going on missions together. I want Joey Slotnik (Haladki) to be non-dead. He was so great."
(cjgurl427, "Season One: Run Lola Lite RUN," July 3, 2004, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3086770&view=findpost&p=1622388)

Made-up citation: "The forbidden-love-y aspects of romance with a squirrel do not always outweigh the practical considerations, such as the issue aficionados warmly refer to as 'the bursting factor.'"

asscrackitude

noun. This indicates either a Code Orange plumber's crack situation or just any crappy state of affairs that has been colorfully described.

Related terms: smoking-crackitude.

Real citation: "Edited to add: My apologies for the quality of the photo. My digicam is the height of asscrackitude but I can't afford to buy a better one. So you'll just all have to suffer along with me."
("My Skanky Fridge is My Altar," Feb. 23, 2004)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'Dudes with asscrackitude are rude, but hos with golf pros are discerning young professionals.'"

WTF-osity

noun. The essence of what-the-fuck-provoking goodness.

Related terms: WTF-itude, WTF-age, WTF-ery.

Real citation: "Elsewhere in the baffling sphere of backwards-thinking, there's this bit of WTF-osity from the increasingly not-so-venerable Time Magazine:"
(randomdanglingmystery, April 19, 2005, http://randomdanglingmystery.myblogsite.com/
blog/_archives/2005/4/19/598291.html)

Made-up citation: "Studies show that the average person will tolerate different levels of WTF-osity in a stud muffin, a senator, a news anchor, and a squirrel."

non-Depends demographic

noun. Young’uns who have graduated from the first diaperiffic phase of life but not yet ascended to phase two of pants-oriented poo poo.

Real citation: "Of course, Charlie Gibson has two daughters. Which probably doubled the number of evening-news viewers in the non-Depends demographic."
("More 25-to-54-Year-Old Americans Get Their News From ABC News," Gawker, http://www.gawker.com/news/media/tv-news/more-25to54yearold-americans-get-their-news-from-abc-news-111081.php)

Made-up citation: “I’m looking for a non-dreckful, non-schmuckish, non-basics-neglecting, non-autoerotic-asphyxiating hermaphrodude in the non-Depends demographic. Good family values are a plus too.”

pseudo-codgery

adj. Dubiously old-coot-ish.

Real citation: "Now I have heard Freeman’s voice recently in other films and I know he has not gotten as gravely as he is in this film. He even narrates the whole film with his pseudo-codgery vocals and it becomes incredibly frustrating to listen to. It sounds almost like when a very sick person rambles on about something, when you only called to check up on them."
(Sarah Bonilla, "Million Dollar Baby," http://www.smart-popcorn.com/review/606/)

Made-up citation: “Pseudo-codgery behavior isn’t exactly an epidemic, maybe because old people are close to death. Back to you, Joan!”

microscopic American

noun. Embryo.

Related terms: undead American, reanimated American.

Real citation: "Most people who believe that embryos can be adopted, even symbolically, believe that embryos are children, or even, in the words of one conservative columnist writing in favor of embryo adoption, "microscopic Americans." And, the logic follows, if embryos are mini-children, they shouldn't be mined for stem cells -- which they can't be anyway, given the limits President Bush imposed in 2001-- or lost to abortion."
(Lynn Harris, "Clump of cells or 'microscopic American'?", Salon, http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2005/02/05/embryos/)

Made-up citation: “Microscopic Americans have needs and rights. They’re also very cute and squishy. And they taste great with mustard.”

spatula-worthy

adj. Very deserving of a cooking utensil with a wide flat blade which is not sharp, used especially for lifting food out of pans.

Related terms: clone-worthy, bone-worthy, groan-worthy, yawn-worthy, barf-worthy, spew-worthy, spooge-worthy, schlong-worthy, gong-worthy, thong-worthy, hump-worthy, bonk-worthy, boink-worthy, lust-worthy, drool-worthy, stalker-worthy, meh-worthy, gah-worthy, ew-worthy, spanking-worthy, sponge-bath-worthy, tongue-bath-worthy, poodle-worthy.

Real citation: "Who writes stories ‘til three in the morning then gets up four hours later to write another one? Chris Tait does, he does. He wrote four spatula-worthy stories. A very honourable mention to a proofreading until Thursday Ben Hoffman. "
(University of Calgary Gauntlet, http://gauntlet.ucalgary.ca/?IssueDate=2003-10-23)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'Oh let the spatula of the spatula-worthy come to an end, but establish the righteous; their minds and hearts are fried in a skillet by the righteous God.'"

recently-released-from-the-crypt

adj. Scary. Deathly. Gray. Pale. Leper-y. Zombie-like. Gruesome-ish. Ew.

Real citation: "At the Pier, Rebecca enjoys the feeling of the sun on her recently-released-from-the-crypt face, and says that she can't believe "Sandy Cohen" is living in Newport. "
(Jessica, "The Second Chance," page 3, Television Without Pity, http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/story.cgi?show=112&story=7452&page=3&sort=&limit=)

Made-up citation: "'Recently-released-from-the-crypt isn't an adjective I want to see on my shampoo bottle, cereal box, or medical file."

proud-to-be-brainwashed

adj. USA! USA!

Real citation: "38. Toby Keith
Crimes: The worst kind of proud-to-be-brainwashed dolt, one who feels he should express himself. The fact that this ambulatory hamburger’s opinions were ever given public forum is an indictment of our entire civilization and all human history leading up to this point."
("The Beast 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2004," The Beast, http://www.buffalobeast.com/66/50mostLoathsome2004.htm)

Made-up citation: "Maybe I'm just another proud-to-be-brainwashed lout, but Sam Adams beer really does make me feel patriotic. And a little lightheaded."

knee-in-groinage

noun. Mr. Crotch, meet Mr. Knee.

Real citation: "That’s how I’ve felt for the past couple of weeks, toward a number of my sisters and brothers in Christ: I’ve wanted to commit slappage. Not only slappage, but in some cases knee-in-groinage. Hurtage."
(Slappage," March 4, 2005, LutheranChik's "L" Word Diary, http://lutheranchiklworddiary.blogspot.com/2005/03/slappage.html)

Made-up citation: “Was it William Wordsworth who rhymed ‘knee-in-groinage’ with ‘see my loinage?' Actually, I think it was Emily Dickinson.”

mega-mildew

noun. A metric buttload of fungal mycelium and fructifications on the surface of Zeus knows what.

Real citation: "Thought I'd pass along some fun and perhaps encouraging news. Portland, as I'm sure you ALL know is not only the Rose City and the home of mega-mildew and banana slugs, but it is also the reknowned microbrew capital of the continental USA."
(Marcia Sinclair, June 24, 1996, http://www.ibiblio.org/pub/academic/agriculture/
entomology/beekeeping/bee-l/log9606d.txt)

Made-up citation: “My mildew-dar is not as strong as it could be, but even I am appalled and chagrinned by this mega-mildew and the advanced civilization it has brought forth in your bathtub.”

clusterplook

verb. Clusterfuck.

Related terms: roto-plooker.

Real citation: "dermal patches with organic lasers downloading synaptic activity into a mix-masters arbitration nets, with team drumpads controlling the swapping in and out of successive net-sets. The vocals will be megabytes of Metlay flame-bait reamed through Cata-Stroph wetware hosted by methadrine sopping sea slugs as they clusterplook."
(http://www.ibiblio.org/emusic-l/back-issues/vol051/issue19.txt)

Made-up citation: "Let us thank Frank Zappa for coining the word 'plook," and let us strive to use words like 'clusterplook,' 'ratplook,' and 'motherplooker' with our children and associates."

baby boomerbasherism

noun. Take baby boomer. Add bludgeoning. Season with pistol-whipping. Finish off with mockery, emasculation, and spittle.

Real citation: "Blatant Baby Boomerbasherism"
(Roy, June 25, 2005, epiphomatic machinations, http://blogorahmah.blogspot.com/2005/06/blatant-baby-boomerbasherism.html)

Made-up citation: “Polls show that baby boomerbasherism is just the kind of infanticide that all Americans can rally around--and the whole family can enjoy."

wingnutdar

noun. A keen, wingnut-detecting sense.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, loserdar, jailbaitdar, moron-dar, sexual-geniusdar, "someone is staring at my ass"-dar, weirdo-dar.

Real citation: "Oh yeah… I missed Schmidt BIG TIME! That was one ugly swing.
For some reason I could just not see her winning. I guess I need to adjust my wingnutdar"
(Ohio 2nd, June 15, 2005, http://sierra-faith.com/index.php/2005/06/14/ohios-2nd-congressional-district)

Made-up citation: “Given the ever-lowering sanity level of a country where most people believe in angels and the President, I have had my wingnutdar surgically removed to stop the migraines.”

non-nunny

adj. In no way nunny, nunly, or nunilicious. Not even a little!

Real citation: "Well said, my non-nunny friend!"
(Docs, Aug. 28, 2000, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/uk.media.tv.friends/msg/97d869369a9f7b58?hl=en)

Made-up citation: “As the Bible says, ‘Non-nunny doesn’t mean non-nummy.’ Oh wait, that was Cooking for Cannibals at Christmas. Carry on then."

sarcasmgasm

noun. A joyous, spasmodic, spermatic, or cliterrific outburst of witty, refreshing sarcasm.

Related terms: spasmgasm, ectoplasmgasm.

Real citation: "Sorry :( had a sarcasmgasm."
(James Hicks, Feb. 1, 2005, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.games.everquest/msg/bc2b79f77205ad0b?hl=en)

Made-up citation: "I don't even know how to think about the President without having a sarcasmgasm. This was a bad decade to give up smoking crack."

chipmunk-shaggery

noun. Ew. And ick. And yikes. And ew.

Related terms: bum-shaggery, corpse shaggery, extramarital shaggery, post-shaggery, rock-star-shaggery, sheep-shaggery.

Real citation: "Highlights are the epic-sounding, Turkish-flavoured Mynd Mewn Cylchoedd, the darkly oppressive Pwy S'isio Bod Yn Fawr?, and the spitting, bilingual Cymraeg - Inglish. At his worst, however, as on the nursery rhyme chipmunk-shaggery of Un Bys Yn Bawd, he veers perilously close to being irritating."
(Joe Goodden, "Blaen Troedar," Jan. 19, 2004, http://www.bbc.co.uk/wales/music/sites/content/pages/
mc_saizmundo_blaen_troedar.shtml)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the rectory. And if you can't keep it in the rectory, try chipmunk-shaggery.'"

bonkers-ish

adj. Kinda sorta mentally wacky.

Real citation: "actually, i think i'd have preferred the bonkers'ish angle of the Joan character; in that the writer's COULD have easily pulled a 'Sixth Sense' scenario where God would appear to be present in very physical ways, even in public, but with the 'possibilty' that the God character(s) only exists in Joan's mind."
(http://groups-beta.google.com/group/rec.arts.tv/msg/9973bd2f6798075e?dmode=source&hl=en)

Made-up citation: “The bonkers-ish gleam in my eye after drinking six cups of coffee will not be featured in a Dunkin’ Donuts commercial this millennium.”

ear-hair-farming

present participle. Let’s just say it’s way past harvest time and leave it at that.

Real citation: "The allure grew once the band began touring, and fans bred on ear-hair-farming schlubs were met by bright-eyed boys with Close-Up smiles and patricion cheekbones who seemed to have wandered into the underground after a track meet."
(Jon Folan, page 66, Spin, July 2005)

Made-up citation: “I come from a long line of proud, decent, God-fearing, bunny-strangling, homemade-cross-toting, ear-hair-farming molemen.”

step in a pile of moron

idiom. This is what happens when you end up mired in conversation with one or several shit-for-brains--especially those who are so dumb, they got shot in a knife fight.

Real citation: "Suddenly she spies Jess coming toward them. Marissa needs to say nothing except "Hey, Jess," but she already popped a brain cell trying to remember what band they're even there to see, and so blanks on what to say. She makes Summer initiate conversation. "Oh my God, Jess, remember me?" Summer gushes, hugging her and reminiscing about their old tap and jazz days. She then does a cute little tap move. Marissa has sufficiently recovered long enough to offer this clever rejoinder: "Don't mind my friend. She's really...really stoned." Summer shoots her a glare, then recovers a split-second later -- great timing by Rachel Bilson -- and drawls, "Tooootally. Very, very high. Isn't this place, like, so visual?" Jess looks like she's stepped in a pile of moron."
(Heathen, "The O.C. Confidential," page 8, Television Without Pity, http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/story.cgi?show=112&story=7869&page=8&sort=&limit=)

Made-up citation: “You can’t step in the same river twice, and you can’t walk three feet in this country without stepping in a steaming, staggering pile of moron. God bless America.”

Hades-on-the-Hudson

noun. New York City.

Real citation: "Is NYC still evil enough for the Church of Satan? Whither Hades-on-the-Hudson?"
(James Knipfel, "Alas, Babylon," New York Press, http://www.nypress.com/18/23/news&columns/knipfel.cfm)

Made-up citation: “In Hades-on-the-Hudson, a hellhound humped my hip and gave me a hummer. Holy hand grenades!”

zombie-ess

noun. A female zombie.

Related terms: zombiette.

Real citation: "I'm the resident zombie-ess around here, keeper of the one and only Miss Tealinne Demsey, drunken beggar and source of much annoyance. One Vladimir Keirkegaarde Gently also happens to belong to me- well, not so much BELONG. He comes and he goes. Often."
(Linny, Sept. 8, 2004, http://terrouge.com/forums/index.php?s=2bc028b742f8357c4a684bcf38e44400&showtopic=4292&st=135)

Made-up citation: “Don’t let your girls grow up to be zombie-esses, because you’ll have to chop off their heads, and that would put a damper on the summer.”

buffoonette

noun. A female buffoon.

Related terms: doofusette, dorkette, jerkette, schlubette, schmuckette, turdette, weirdette.

Real citation: "Sputter, sputter; more teleprompter-styled replies. “I’ll pick it up,” I interjected. I could see this discussion degenerating quickly. While Shelby had every right to be mad, I sensed this buffoonette of a Manager was just ticking her off more."
(Lachlan, Nov. 14, 2004, "Victory And Grendadine Showers," http://mysocalledblog.com/index.php?p=1236)

Made-up citation: “Hmm, I haven’t known many buffoonettes. Could buffoonery be a mainly male quality, like autism and warmongering?”

pseudo-boinkage

noun. Quasi-fuckage; semi-intercourse; not-quite-fornication.

Real citation:
H-"So, nothing happened?"
C-"Not really."
H-"Didja boink her?"
C-"Nah."
H-"Any pseudo-boinkage?"
(Pimpdads, http://members.fortunecity.com/pimpdads/quotes.html)

Made-up citation: “True boinkage results in a notch on the bedpost, but after pseudo-boinkage, the bedpost remains sadly unnotched, unstained, unmolested, and unphunked.”

squickosity

noun. A gross, freaky, ishy, disturbing state of affairs that is also sick, bad, wrong, and not of the Lord.

Related terms: squickage, squickery, squickitude.

Real citation: "Sorry--this is supposed to be the back-story to the Star Wars movies. Obi-wan Kenobi was DV's teacher and (after some kind of epic struggle) dumped him into a volcano. Only the power of the Dark side of the Force is keeping him alive, but he still needs the breathing apparatus. If I recall correctly, there is a brief shot of him putting the helmet on in one of the movies, with a glimpse of some serious squickosity."
(Manny Olds, Dec. 18, 1995, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/rec.arts.bodyart/msg/e58ef7989e1cbcab?hl=en)

Made-up citation: “Ah…I remember the glimpse of DV’s head as more orgasmitude than squickosity. For the true squick experience, a glimpse of Natalie Portman’s acting is all that is required.”

good holy Jesus in a jumpsuit

exclamation. A goodier, holier, Jesus-ier version of “Holy shit!”

Related terms: sweet Mother Mary on a motorboat, holy shit on a stick, holy crispy crap on a cracker, sweet merciful Buddha on a crutch, holy freakin' Christ in a Christmas tree, Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick.

Real citation: "But on an entirely different note: Good holy Jesus in a jumpsuit! Alias for the first time... SUCKED."
(Kelly, "4 more days until the weekend!!!," Jan. 19, 2004, http://www.livejournal.com/users/kellbell906/46126.html?mode=reply)

Made-up citation: “Good holy Jesus in a jumpsuit! Take it easy with the Jesus juice, Mom!”

ball-suckitude

noun. Literal or metaphorical testicular vacuum-like love.

Related terms: suckitude, non-suckitude, ass-suckitude, Fortress of Suckitude.

Real citation: "We were supposed to play a basement with this band but had to cancel. My girlfriend's band played and said they sucked the balls. Then she played with them again......and held firm on the ball-suckitude stance."
(July 5, 2004, http://www.punknews.com/article.aspx?id=49025750-07d1-40dc-bcf9-f10914fda35e)

Made-up citation: “I was pleased that the last Star Wars movie didn’t suck donkey balls. The ball-suckitude was only at the level of a squirrel. Or maybe a wombat.”

disappear-up-your-own-assery

noun. An asshatted situation that physics cannot explain.

Related terms: action-adventure-thug-style-kick-assery, assery, bad-assery, broke-assery, cat-assery, dick-assery, drag-assery, dumb-assery, fat-assery, fractional-assery, half-assery, hard-assery, head-up-the-assery, head-up-your-assery, horse-assery, jack-assery, kick-assery, kiss-assery, naked-assery, one-sixth-assery, pompous-assery, pro-smart-assery, punk-assery, self-assery-making, show-assery, silly-assery, slack-assery, smart-assery, suck-assery, whoop-assery, wise-assery.

Real citation: “As Wilco's current album Yankee Hotel Foxtrot continues to stir up debate between music fans in general and consternation from their own die-hard fanbase in particular, fans interested in quality roots pop have no further to look than Gingersol's newest. As equally pop-crafty as Summerteeth with none of the apparent (according to some of Wilco's former fans) disappear-up-your-own-assery of YHF, Gingersol keeps their roots rock, rural groundings intact while adding just enough pop to please fans of sugar-coated melodies but not frighten away the twang bangers."
(Scott Homewood, “Gingersol,” http://www.freighttrainboogie.com/Archives/Archive-G.htm)

Made-up citation: “My nunly Catholic grammar school grammar teachers never taught me words like ‘disappear-up-your-own-assery’ and ‘pigboinker.’ Of course, I never got cornholed either, so I guess I shouldn’t complain.”

proto-mook

adj. Original and ineffectual, or primitive and foolish, or ancestral and contemptible. Or, you know, all of the above.

Real citation: "At a time when eighties hardcore was become more and more brutally loutish, these bands were utterly refreshing. They managed to sound childlike, singing about sweets, hot chocolate, while also communicating intense sexual tension and energy. Album art featured hand-drawn images of bunnies and kitties. And unlike poor old Johnnie Ray and Jonathan Richman, they weren't alone. They had a tight-knit community of like-minded wimps to battle against the growing popularity of proto-mook rock like Alice in Chains."
(Fester, "What is Wimp Pop?" Dec. 29, 2001, http://www.fastnbulbous.com/rants_archive.htm)

Made-up citation: “I resent my actions and hairstyle being characterized as ‘proto-mook.’ I am 'quasi-mook' at the most, thank you.”

hubba-hubba-ish

adj. Ooh-la-la-la-la!

Real citation: "LOL! Ya know, if I was stoned, you'd be looking pretty 'hubba hubba'-ish right now. Which would be reason numero uno why I don't get high anymore. OK, maybe reason number two."
(Be4U, Aug 30, 2002, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.hackers.malicious/msg/b1120926a7ae5a0a?hl=en)

Made-up citation: “Any workplace with a dearth of hubba-hubba-ish employees is bad for me, bad for you, and bad for America. There should be a quota. Let’s spread the pretty around, like warm and delicious pudding.”

Operation Fucking Disaster

noun. This is either the state of my life or the war in Iraq.

Real citation: "12. Paul Wolfowitz
Crimes: The mastermind behind our war plan in Iraq, also known as “Operation Fucking Disaster.” Wanted to skip Afghanistan altogether and get right on with the intractable quagmire phase of his anti-terror plan. So far up Israel’s ass he can taste the kugel."
("The Beast 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2004, http://www.buffalobeast.com/66/50mostLoathsome2004.htm)

Made-up citation: “Commander Cuckoo-Bananas led us into Operation Fucking Disaster. I don’t know what else to say.”

batshittedness

noun. Lunacy. Insanity. Madness. Goats and monkeys!

Related terms: batshit loonball, batshit loony, batshit whacko, batshit nutty, batshit nuts, batshit insane, batshit-demented, super-batshit-insane, completely-fucking-batshit-insane, batshit fucking crazy, batshit-fucking-crazy, batshitty, batshitting, batshittery, batshitosity, batshit fearlessness, batshit-sounding, non-batshit, pre-batshit, anti-batshit, full-bore batshit, wall-banging batshit, buggier than batshit, holy batshit, batcrap, batpoop.

Real citation: "And this is the really amazing part. Not one of the artd-l readers jumped on this to let Axel, who Doesn't Listen to Laura's Show Anymore, that this study has been a major piece of Laura's batshittedness of late (I know, I try to avoid profanity, but I'm quoting an earlier post by Axel, so it's a literary reference, ya know?)"
(Maddi Hausmann Sojourner, August 18, 1999, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.radio.talk.dr-laura/msg/957699aa06397a9c?hl=en)

Made-up citation: “I find faith-based batshittedness harder to swallow than a pea soup and ectoplasm smoothie.”

mom-burban

adj. Motherly and suburbanly, all in one barf-worthy package.

Real citation: "Yeah, so anyway, Sark's speeding around listening to Looziana hippie music. Syd makes an appearance, speeding up next to him in her humongous 4x4. The hell? Sark gets a zippy little Mercedes convertible with a quadraphonic Blaupunkt, and Syd gets a mom-burban car complete with kiddie seats? She can't have a fucking Infiniti or something?"
(Erin, "The Passage, Part One," page 1, Television Without Pity, http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/story.cgi?show=75&story=4267&limit=&sort=)

Made-up citation: “On Mother’s Day, many merry mom-burban motherfuckers make meatloaf and macaroni marvelously. Mmm…mildew.”

hot-monkey-sex-type

adj. In the key of molten, monkey-fied, mega-matrimonial-mambo magic.

Related terms: crazy monkey sex, hot monkey love, red-hot monkey love, hot throbbing monkey love, butt-naked hot monkey love, hot sweet monkey love, hot sweaty monkey sex, hot buttered monkey love, wild screaming monkey sex.

Real citation: "We have NEVER found that situation on a swingers board, you are looking for love (hot monkey sex type love) in all the wrong places"
(http://64.233.167.104/search?hl=en&q=hot-monkey-sex-type)

Made-up citation: "According to a recent study, even hot monkeys can't count on hot-monkey-sex-type action every day. This is bad news for the non-hottie weed monkeys, prank monkeys, cuddle monkeys, surrender monkeys, and squirrel monkeys of the world."

pinata-flogging

present participle. The most joyous flagellation possible! Great for parties! Yippee and hand me a stick!

Real citation: "The first anniversary of the death of Ronald Reagan has just passed, and for some inexplicable reason, an angry mob did not descend on his Simi Valley grave, dig up his corpse, drag it from the back of a Prius, string it up legs-first from an oak tree and thrash it with golf clubs and weedeaters until nothing remained but a dusty clump of hair. Comparisons would surely have been made to the cathartic pinata-flogging of Mussolini's carcass exactly 60 years earlier, not just because the two spectacles looked so similar, but because necro-lynching Reagan would do a lot to restore the dignity of most Americans."
(Mark Ames, "Dry Humping Reagan," The New York Press, http://nypress.com/18/23/news&columns/markames.cfm)

Made-up citation: "The sun is beaming, and the birds are tweeting. Love is in the air, and I'm giddy as a schoolgirl on crack. What a day for a picnic and pinata-flogging."

necro-boink

noun. The kind of love that happens when there are no limits. Oh yeah, a corpse helps too.

Real citation: "The Sith removed the unconscious body, rolling her off to the side of the bed. As aroused as he was, he was not going to pull a Necro boink worthy of Maul."
(Chatnoir and Meche, "The Deal--Hoth," http://www.smutbrigade.com/fanfic/meche/thedeal.html)

Made-up citation: "I believe in order and discipline. In my house, there will be no running, fighting, spitting, playing of loud music, necro-boinking, or slouching."

over-the-top-ery

noun. A metric smurfload (or maybe even as much as a metric buttload) of over-the-top-type behavior.

Related terms: over-the-top-ness, over-the-top-itude.

Real citation: "(much over-the-top-ery deleted)"
(http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.usage.english/msg/b120ab204c8bda8a?dmode=source&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Fred's ceaseless and annoying over-the-top-ery inspired disgust, revulsion, hatred, and eventually a well-placed ax."

free-range cretins

noun. Morons! On the loose!

Real citation: "Following a season of warm, sunny days, Arcata's weather synchronized with the sudden plummet in the national mood as a coarse, wind-whipped drizzle pelted a gloomy downtown. At Ninth and H, two travelers were rounded up on probation violation charges and a warrant. As officers tucked the two into a cruiser, free-range cretins circled, jabbering vile abuse at the cops."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Pooches howl, drinkers froth, saggies scuttle, slumpers sloth," The Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/police/010925police01.shtml)

Made-up citation: “Free-range chickens and free-range cretins both have small brains and limited futures, but the birds are cuter and far more versatile on the menu.”

bird-poo-encrusted

adj. Frosted with a just-in-time-for-summer coating of doo doo--courtesy of a fine, feathered, fecal friend.

Real citation: "I also scrubbed down the black metal table and chairs that Ken's mom gave us for the back porch, so now they're useable, rather than being bird-poo-encrusted. I keep telling myself I'll sit out there with the laptop and work, and now I have no excuse. Unless it gets really hot or rains."
(Dayle, "Rejections, acceptances, and closeness," Feb. 9, 2003, http://journalscape.com/dayle/2003-02-09-23:59)

Made-up citation: “In some cultures, having a bird-poo-encrusted head is considered good luck. To the rest of us, it’s just ishy, gross, dirty, wrong, and it sucks.”

non-penis-centric

adj. This describes a hypothetical and probably EVIL thing or state of affairs that does not revolve around the grand schlonghood of the all-powerful, all-knowing, all-dribbling penis! USA! USA!

Related terms: non-penis-related, non-penis-shaped, non-penis-inspired, non-penis-laden, non-penis-owning, non-penis-carrying, non-penis-oriented, non-penis-enhanced, non-penis-equipped, non-penis-like, non-penis-looking, non-penis-only, non-penis-extending, non-penis-challenged, non-penis-mutilating, non-penis-haver, non-penis-bearer, non-penis-owner, non-penis-worshipper, non-penis persuasion, non-penis person, non-penis-enlargement-kind, non-penis-inserting-activity, non-penis-homophobic-snitch.

Real citation: "I'd be grateful if you could post any results to the forum. Although this product isn't something that I find particularly appealing, I think that it may have benefits in opening the male body to non penis-centric orgasms."
(May 6, 2002, http://jackjohnston.ccwerks.net/wb/default.asp?action=9&read=857&fid=107&FirstTopic=20&LastTopic=39)

Made-up citation: “Is the opposite of ‘cock rock’ ‘non-penis-centric ambient sounds’?”

bible-believingly

adj. Done with one hand on the Bible and one brain in a jar.

Real citation: "Dear Aunt Martha,
What's your favorite Bible verse?
Bible-believingly yours,Victory (in Jesus!)"
(http://www.virginialaw.org/AMbible.html)

Made-up citation: “As the well-dressed stranger creepily and bible-believingly smiled at me, I regretted lending my chainsaw AND scythe to Melinda for the weekend.”

booty-call-ish

adj. Vaguely or undeniably resembling a conjugalicious bit of telecommunications.

Related terms: booty-call-like, booty-call-esque, booty-call-related.

Real citation: "He's so sweet. He's attentive. He always wants to see me, no matter what time it is. He talks and talks on the phone. He's a communicator! The night I got back from Arizona, I came home, got dressed and went out again, but still he wanted to meet up with me after I was done. Yes, that may sound booty call-ish, but I've known him for a little over a year, and he's never tried anything."
(Desiree, May 31, 2005, Dog Ladies World, http://desireesjackedupworld.blogspot.com/2005/05/bleh.html)

Made-up citation: “As my mom always says, ‘Do not confuse booty-call-ish with bootylicious. Now that that’s settled, where’s my crack pipe?’”

fucknuthood

noun. The unique niche in society—or perhaps the bus station—occupied by a cuckoo-bananas nutjob.

Related terms: fucknut, fucknuttery, fucknutish.

Real citation: "No idea , I don't bother with that one, he just seemed like a good candidate for fucknuthood :p"
(Raven, June 21, 2004, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.games.champ-man/msg/bf4e20c125d81758?hl=en)

Made-up citation: “On one side of my family, fucknuthood is rampant. On the other side, lots of folks have worked for the post office. Now you know why I’m a serial killer with many wacky quirks.”

crapfestacular

noun. A crappy, festering spectacular.

Real citation: "Yeah, ditto. Ever posted on PlanetSocks.com? Well, if you check it out you'll understand what I mean when I say that Lost was the first show in a long time that made me want to watch TV for more than just being able to catch the latest reality-TV crapfestaculars to make fun of their ridiculousness online..."
(butroden, "1-24: "Exodus Part Two" 2005.05.25," May 27, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3127277&view=findpost&p=3031867)

Made-up citation: “Generally speaking, words such as ‘crapfestacular’ and ‘robo-mommy’ should be avoided when composing wedding invitations and obituaries, though exceptions are inevitable.”

leprechaun-licking

present participle. When little green Irish people are getting a proper tongue-bath, this word is appropriate.

Real citation: "God I can't stand you, you moronic little midget molesting Leprechaun licking ALF LOVER!!!!"
(HuzzahMan3000, April 5, 2002, http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.php/1/5/247/32125/6?)

Made-up citation: “If a leprechaun-licking loony loved a Lithuanian-lubing leper, how many llamas could Lois Lane lick?”

man-slutitude

noun. This is what happens when a bro is a ho.

Related terms: slutitude, emotional slutitude, Secretary of Slutitude, Fortress of Slutitude.

Real citation: "You guys say what you want, but I'm proud of my man-slutitude"
(NemoReturnsAgain, Oct. 28, 2004, http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:7ey4EZiDp6kJ:www.rpgreality.com/forums/index.php%3Fshowtopic%3D6098%26view%3Dnew+%22man-slutitude%22&hl=en)

Made-up citation: “I’ve never been manly or slutty enough for man-slutitude. I’ve had to settle for nitpickitude, crackpotitude, dicksmackitude, and fucknutitude.”

takething

gerund. Taking--but only in the most holy, good, biblical way.

Real citation: "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Sometimes the giveth seems a little disproportionate to the taketh. There seems to be a lot more takething going on, but there it is. Perhaps if more of you attended church on Sundays, the Lord would not have felt it necessary to punish us by takething this little boy."
(Priest Maxi, "Spontaneous Combustion," April 14, 1999, South Park)

Made-up citation: "“If the good lord were takething stuff on The Simpsons, would his holiness be yoinkething as well?”

wet sock for brain

idiom. This refers to the dumbest of the dumbasses, the munchiest of the buttmunches, and the assiest of the assbutts.

Real citation: "Yes, I know what you're thinking: "Tell me something else I don't already know."
But some things can't be reiterated enough.
Such as: Michael Medved is an idiot. He has a wet sock for brain. A thumbless grasp of the issues and a propensity for lachrymose whimpering when he doesn't get his way."
(James Wolcott, "Michael Medved Is an Idiot," Feb. 17, 2005, http://jameswolcott.com/archives/2005/02/michael_medved.php)

Made-up citation: “As the Bible says, ‘I’d rather have a wet sock for a brain than a wet thong for a heart.’”

not playing with a full sack

idiom. Used to describe someone lacking both a shred of sanity and a smidgeon of testicular fortitude.

Real citation: "If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack."
(Spike, "Passions," Feb. 24, 1998, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Made-up citation: “The entire Democratic party is clearly not playing with a full sack, and they’re dumb as a challenged box of rocks to boot.”

eekies, the

noun. A close relative of the willies, the creeps, the wiggins, the weebies, the heebie-jeebies, and the whim-whams.

Real citation: "I just found this via Asha. Yes, of course these hateful statements don't reflect the views of "normal" Christians, but maybe reading them will help some peeps understand why usually tolerant non-Christians can get the eekies over even the mildest forms of proselytizing in public schools."
(Paula Light, "For the quote files." June 7, 2005, Ultrablog, http://paulalight.blogspot.com/2005/06/for-quote-files.html)

Made-up citation: "It's better to give the eekies than receive the crabs."

pencil-dickedness

noun. The quality of having a thin, breakable tallywhacker that does not throb with much manhood but may be useful in taking the SAT.

Related terms: big-dickedness, diminutive dickedness, general dickedness, limp-dickedness, little-dickedness, micro-dickedness, sheer dickedness, small dickedness, thumb-dickedness, weak dickedness.

Real citation: "How about your need to be holier than thou and build yourself up at the expense of others. ALWAYS an indication of pencil-dickedness."
(Kurt Ullman, March 14, 2000, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.vacation.las-vegas/msg/7b4d70dbf64f56dd?hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Pencil-dickedness is in the eye of the beholder, and that's bad news for the beholder's eye."

de-'throom

verb. To remove something (like a doofus or sink) from a bathroom.

Real citation: "2:04 a.m. A stranger with bandaged wrists was reported blacked out in the bathroom of an L.K. Wood Boulevard home, and rarely is that a positive development. He was de-'throomed and taken to the hospital."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Latex lover gets spitty-snitty over porn pavilion etiquette advisory," The Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/police/031505police.shtml)

Made-up citation: “I’ve been dethroned, de’throomed, excommunicated, and deported, but at least I've never been shitcanned, scumbagged, ratfucked, or pooh-poohed.”

jack-diddly-iddly-shit

noun. Na-diddly-iddly-ada.

Related terms: jack shit, diddly shit, jack diddly shit, jack diddly fucking shit, jack diddly squat shit.

Real citation: "and what's that gotta do with doing for the black community?
answer: "jack-diddly-iddly-shit, that's what." -- ned flanders"
(Jacob Bentley, Nov. 5, 1996, http://groups-beta.google.com/
group/soc.culture.african.american/
msg/4e5f8e6341d9ca83?hl=en)

Made-up citation: “With law school grades ranging from D+ to jack-diddly-iddly-shit, I may not have a future as the next Johnnie Cochran.”

sneak-assity

noun. A particularly sneaky-assed quality that is not admired by all.

Related terms: assity-ass, assity-ass-ass, awed-assity, bad-assity, bare-assity, big-assity, biggety-assity, crap-assity, curi-assity, dumb-assity, half-assity, head-up-your-assity, jack-assity, kick-assity, lame-assity, lard-assity, lazy-assity, licking-assity, nutcase-assity, odd-assity, pain-in-the-assity, pomp-assity, pulling-out-of-assity, pump-assity, punk-assity, rat’s-assity, sag-assity, smart-assity, stink-assity, suck-assity, ten-assity, tragic-assity, wack-assity, wide-assity.

Real citation: "I don't mind being a little sneaky if I have to be. Or, a lot sneaky.
Any assistance is appreciated. And, if it involves large amounts of sneak-assity, I'll refuse to give up your name."
(BigRedBam, April 8, 2003, http://forums.autoweek.com/thread.jspa?forumID=16&threadID=1875&tstart=210)

Made-up citation: "The cosmic vibrations tell me that you, Libra, have the smart-assity of a child, the sneak-assity of a rat, and the stink-assity of a grilled cheese sandwich in a sewer in hell.”

fuckedupedly

adverb. In a manner or style that is kinda upfucked.

Related terms: fuckedupedness, fuckedupness, fuckedupitude.

Real citation: "Then of course reality steps in and proves to me that I'm just another fumbling do-me type whose submission is very limited and is demonstrably and fuckedupedly human."
(http://groups-beta.google.com/group/soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm/msg/ec6325e926bc925b)

Made-up citation: “Most of Shakespeare’s stage directions—whether written by the playwright, a director, or an actor—have not been preserved, so I like to think ‘fuckedupedly’ might be one of those unfortunate omissions.”

maim-fest

noun. A bouquet—or perhaps a hoopy-doopy—of life-and-limb-lacerating violence.

Real citation: "The brutal maim-fest between CM and Rubious had been going on for some time now, and both seemed oblivious to the fact that there were numerous other posts occuring in the castle...."
(Samurai824, April 4, 1998, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.fan.sailor-moon/msg/39ba76526d5ff4d4)

Made-up citation: “My quest for vengeance will inevitably culminate in a smackdown, a bloodbath, a maim-fest, or a lawnmower accident.”

berserker-rage-inducing

present participle. Causing mild-mannered citizens to enter a state of extreme road rage, zoo rage, tax rage, Bible rage, golf rage, bunny rage, spatula rage, squirrel monkey rage, or salad bar rage.

Real citation:
Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters
Chunky
Super-charged
Pondy
Wine-a-licious
Alcoholy
Hallucinatory
Crippling
Caffeinated
Sludgy
Berserker-rage-inducing
(Adam Koford, "Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters," McSweeney's Internet Tendency, http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/1AdamKoford.html)

Made-up citation: “Your personal ad may garner more interest if you omit adjectives like ‘berserker-rage-inducing’ and ‘burnt-fleshy.’”

go full douche

verb phrase. Do something mega-douche-baggy.

Real citation: "But I mean, if that's really the only thing she could have done in that situation, I can deal with it. At least she didn't go full douche and aim for the head. As long as she wasn't aiming to kill, cuz that would have been a bit extreme, don't you think?"
(smart veronica, "2-24: "The Dearly Beloved" 2005.05.19," May 19, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3127068&view=findpost&p=2988834)

Made-up citation: “The most important rule of teaching is: ‘Never go full douche.’ Students deserve only a partial douche, if that.”

non-fun-haver god

noun. A deity who sucks several things: 1. Ass. 2. Monkey balls. 3. The life out of the party.

Real citation: "If I were in your pants, I'd run in the other direction. People who follow this kind of punitive, non-fun-haver god are problematic in a host of ways. These are the homemade-cross-toting lunatics who were shrieking outside Terry Schiavo's hospice room. You'll find them disrupting school-board meetings with long screeds about how wrongheaded those newfangled proponents of evolution are because everyone knows god made Adam and Eve (not Adam and Steve), and that's how civilization began, damn it (only they wouldn't swear). These Holy Rollers are that most curious (and hypocritical) mix of antichoice, but pro–death penalty. Plus, have you ever actually listened to Christian rock? Yikes."
(Judy McGuire, "Born Again Virgin," Seattle Weekly, seattleweekly.com/features/0514/050406_diversions_dategirl.php)

Made-up citation: “A non-fun-haver god is a lot easier to take as part of a pantheon of gods. Then our diverse spiritual needs can be met by the crack-smoker god, the Peking-duck-gobbler-god, and the blow-milk-out-your-goddamn-nose god.”