un-crazifying

verb. A difficult process I prefer to circumvent using the exorcism tongs and neuro-spork.

Real citation: "I doubt we’re actually going to feast while un-crazifying me, but I think we should aim for a therapeutic smörgåsbord."
(April 1, 2008, Drunkenatheist, http://drunkenatheist.com/2008/04/01/adventures-in-therapy/)

Made-up citation: "If I had an un-crazifying helmet, I'd add sleeves to it, because a helmet with sleeves would be swanky."

crapfestitude

noun. Sounds crapfestacular.

Real citation: "if you love the writers, maybe there's something more here to get off on. if, like me, you could care less and just want a scary movie, or at least a 'meaningful' movie that actually makes some semblence of sense, ditch this self-involved bullshiit and hope for a new 'candyman III' calibre of crapfestitude to assault your eyes and brain. at least it would be fun even if it was no more scary than the brilliantly titled 'house' (hell, i thought it would be a remake of the awesome horror-comedy of the 80's with william katt. indeed, if you've never seen 'house' with katt in it, watch it instead. come to think of it, that one had katt's character separated from his wife because their son disappeared and was presumed dead, rather like the couple on the rocks. geez, maybe it is a remake of sorts. or slightly ripped-off? who knows? who cares?)."
(Nov. 7, 2008, Rotten Tomatoes, http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/showthread.php?t=656762)

Made-up citation: "My dog thinks it is pure crapfestitude that I am writing and not paying attention to him... But daddy's got to write to pay the bills: organ-harvesting and self-whoring only go so far in this economy."

info-ness-ish-esque-whatever

noun. Mmm... Sweet info-whatsits! I feel sorta kinda informed, yet not really.

Real citation: "I'll try to put some more info-ness-ish-esque-whatever later. Peace"
(Feb. 9, 2009, Of the sea...(blub), http://mandyofthesea.blogspot.com/2009/02/must-update.html)

Made-up citation: "I'm happy to provide the authorities with copious amounts of info-ness-ish-esque-whatever, but I don't know anything about organ-harvesting or bounty-hunting. I am just a poor polar-bear trainer! Haven't I suffered enough?"

metric poo-poo-load

noun. Sometimes the metric system is easy as shit.

Real citation: "a metric poo poo load"
(July 27, 2008, The Something Awful Forums, http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2913918&pagenumber=2)

Made-up citation: "Only a trained proctologist can tell a metric poo-poo-load by taste. Ew ew ew... Also, gah."

snug-non-wedgie-giving-full-coverage

adj. Heavenly--just heavenly--for your ass.

Real citation: "Also, some library books have free patterns (like Sewing Lingerie That Fits has camisol and slip patterns as well as info on how to draft your own snug-non-wedgie-giving-full-coverage sassy underpants)."
(Craftster, http://www.craftster.org/forum/index.php?topic=2790.5;wap2)

Made-up citation: "I agree with Obama's health care plan, except for the snug-non-wedgie-giving-full-coverage provisions. My butthole is picky."

turbo-phlegm

noun. Worse than nano-phlegm. Better than monstro-phlegm. Better than robo-phlegm too.

Real citation: "Dude better give up smoking. He must cough up the most awesome rubber balls of turbo phlegm every morning."
(Sept. 8, 2008, Sidewalk Skateboarding Forum, http://forums.sidewalkmag.com/showthread.php?p=506859)

Made-up citation: "To prevent the swine flu from infesting my household, I am taking two precautions: 1) no more turbo-phlegm casseroles and 2) henceforth, all conjugal relations with barnyard animals will be carefully monitored by the proper authorities. Just trying to do my part."

technobabblegasm

noun. Mmm, sweet gibberish! You're always there for me with your cloaking devices and turbomatrons.

Real citation: "Reading this article gave me a technobabblegasm."
(Dec. 11, 2008, TrekMovie.com, http://trekmovie.com/2008/12/11/bob-orci-explains-how-the-new-star-trek-movie-fits-with-trek-canon-and-real-science/)

Made-up citation: "I just had three technobabblegasms... Man, I need a cigarette and a big dictionary."

jagmuppet

noun. Apparently, an asshole who rides their bike on the sidewalk. Or... a bad, bad muppet.

Real citation: "Yeah, well I don't want to be 'sidewalk-kill' either, so get your bike the hell off the sidewalk. Just today I almost got nailed TWICE by jerkoid bicyclists, and one of them even swore at ME for not watching where I was going! Hey pal, I don't have eyes in the back of my head and neither does anyone else, and in any case I shouldn't have to be on the lookout for bicyclists coming up behind me or beside me. So if you absolutely must be a jagmuppet and ride on the sidewalk where you're not supposed to be, at least warn the people in front of you that you're approaching."
(Sept. 12, 2007, City-Data Forum, http://www.city-data.com/forum/chicago/153136-sidewalk-bicycling-chicago.html)

Made-up citation: "To people of my advanced age, Elmo will always be a rancid little jagmuppet. I knew Cookie Monster, and you are no Cookie Monster."

prophecy-y

adj. Mmm.... Visions-from-God-itude.

Real citation: "Boggs is a lot quicker on the uptake than Scully, apparently, and rather than using his next break to call an accomplice, responds to the planted article by calling Mulder. Oops! So they interrogate Boggs some more, who gets all prophecy-y again about Mulder and blood and a white cross and stuff. Also, there’s cutaways to the kidnapper and the girl this time, so the episode is pretty much screaming BOGGS IS RIGHT ABOUT THIS STUFF in a fairly unambiguous kind of way."
(Dec. 25, 2008, Mulder's Big Adventure, http://muldersbigadventure.com/2008/12/25/ho-ho-holy-shit-its-my-dads-ghost/)

Made-up citation: "Today I am in a very, very prophecy-y mood. In fact, I foresee someone, perhaps myself, eating an entire bag of chicken-wing-flavored pretzels, perhaps on a couch or mystical throne. A giant space blob may also be involved."

catastrophic penis failure

noun phrase. Terrifying tallywhacker tragedy.

Real citation: "A lot of girls consider uncircumcised men to be dirty. Maybe some guys just don't know about proper hygiene? Anyway, I'm uncut and I have yet to experience any kind of catastrophic penis failure."
(Dec. 15, 2007, Digg, http://m.digg.com/health/To_circumcise_or_not_to_circumcise_that_is_the_question?offset=35)

Made-up citation: "What does a man fear more than catastrophic penis failure? Well, giant octo-monsters. That's about it."

whatchama-doo-jobby

noun. A thingama-hoo-whacker.

Real citation: "If Donnah finds a pic of DA in a chenille elastic midriff whatchama-doo-jobby, and posts it, I will go on some kind of rampage, and it will not be pretty."
(Aug. 15, 2008, Florida Cracker, http://www.florida-cracker.org/archives/004504.html)

Made-up citation: "If you're not satisifed with your whatchama-doo-jobby, try our new green-glowing-nano-slime-ammo-pack. Our promise to you: it does not remotely taste like Grandma."

Sataniness

noun. Look deep into the eyes of Satan. This ye shall find. Also, doesn't he have pretty eyes?

Real citation: "Unshaven-ness is next to Godliness.
Clean shaven-ness is next to Sataniness."
(Aug. 17, 2008, Jolt Forums, http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=563327&page=2)

Made-up citation: "I asked Mom about the secret ingredient in her coffee cake. 'Sataniness,' she said with a cackle, before turning into an eight-headed snake monster. Goddamn it, I thought it was cinnamon."

quesadilla-palooza

noun. Oh, the cheese-manity!

Real citation: "Quesadilla-palooza
I've been fairly boring on the cooking front lately. Trying to eat healthier has resulted in a series of meals from Subway, lots of fresh fruit, and little creativity on the cooking front."
(April 11, 2009, The Kitchen Mirror, http://kitchenmirror.blogspot.com/2009/04/quesadilla-palooza.html)

Made-up citation: "The doctor said my crotch itches because of what the medical community calls a quesadilla-palooza of the groinal region. I think I need a new doctor. And a new crotch."

un-diddly-fiddly

adj. Lacking all diddly-fiddly attributes, many of which are illegal in the tri-state region.

Real citation: "All that Olympic torch hullabaloo has left me with a dilemma - How am I meant to enjoy the forthcoming Olympic Games when there's all that rottenness going on in Tibet? How can I justify slavering at the prospect of a month's worth of athletics, when all them monks are being arrested and tortured by the Chinese? How can a man possibly enjoy the gymnastics (in a completely wholesome and un-diddly-fiddly way, o'course) when those evil yellow hoards are rampaging through the Most Spiritual Country On Earth© and pissing on the carpets?"
(Aug. 4, 2008, ITTODBTBIA Looks Into...Business, http://bpperry3.blogspot.com/2008/04/chinese-democracy.html)

Made-up citation: "I would make a great bishop. First, I'd fire all the priests, since they seem incapable of behaving in an un-diddly-fiddly manner. I'd let the nuns pick up the slack--not the diddly-fiddly slack, but whatever else priests do, like community-building, demon-exorcising, and confession-wheedling. Where do I apply, Catholic church? I'm reporting for duty."

en-sad-ifying

adj. Oh, the tears. They are wet. Or did I pee myself?

Real citation: "This rain is en-sad-ifying. Even Mr. Top Hat hates it, now his new ascot is RUINED. ::::::::|:( "
(March 26, 2009, scene missing magazine, http://scenemissing.tumblr.com/post/90024993/this-rain-is-en-sad-ifying-even-mr-top-hat-hates)

Made-up citation: "Gather round, children, for the most en-sad-ifying tale ever told! It's what happened to a panda and a wizard when love had no limits."

spec-tastic-tacular-gasm-worthy

adj. Real good. Real real real real real good. Or better.

Related term: battle-tastic-tacular-gasm-worthy.

Real citation: "The beards have strange magical hypnotizing devices stored away in those spec-tastic-tacular-gasm-worthy muttonchops that just make me swoon."
(Jan. 5, 2009, HoTs on Hooves, link dead)

Made-up citation: "The Bulls win today was kinda spec-tastic-tacular-gasm-worthy... I will now jump on the bandwagon, like the sports whore that I am."

geezer-azzi

noun. Old people taking pictures, probably with a soul jar and a can opener.

Real citation: "I think we need a new type of celebrity photog. We have paparazzi, stalkerazzi, glitterazzi. I am in favor of having some geezer-azzis. Today my At Work Friend and I were talking about how we don't actually buy as much Us Weekly, People and the like because the subjects are usually younger than us. I'm sorry, but they have gotten all High-School-Musical on us, and I just don't like it."
(July 15, 2008, Lipstick at the Mailbox, http://lipstickatthemailbox.blogspot.com/2008/07/geezer-azzi.html)

Made-up citation: "The worst part of living in a nursing home is the geezer-azzi... Second worst is that JFK and Elvis aren't here, like in this movie."

hench-Cylon

noun. Somewhat more sophisticated that a henchape, I reckon.

Real citation: "3. I have zero sympathy for Kendra, and I sincerely hope she is not the final Cylon.
4. If she is then hopefully Tigh will get his hench-cylon Larry to wack her in the head with a pipe."
(Nov. 25, 2007, GWC Forum, http://forum.galacticwatercooler.com/showthread.php?p=7398)

Made-up citation: "Sir, the hench-Cylons are attacking the hench-commissioners! It's a lackey showdown, a minion smackdown, a stooge cage match... Thank Zeus I'm not a hench-anything. As Assistant to the Regional Manager of Hench-people and Were-things, I can take pride in a job well-titled, plus access to all the paper clips and Viking helmets I need."

asshat whisperer

noun. A quiet sage with a popular specialty, even in this economy.

Real citation: "Didn't there used to be some dude on FGI that would comprehend Aske posts and translate them for the rest of us to understand? Some sort of Asshat Whisperer."
(April 4, 2008, Golfhos, http://www.golfhos.com/topic-7418.html)

Made-up citation: "Excuse me, can you put me through to the asshat whisperer? No, it's not for me! I am an assheadface, thank you very much."

ap-sock-alypse

noun. Hmm. Well, at least it's not an ap-underwear-alypse, which is so painful in the business zone.

Real citation: "zombie ap-sock-alypse
This is how you read The Forest of Hands and Teeth when you also have a birthday sock knitting deadline. Because there is no option on not doing the socks, but there is also clearly no option to not read The Forest of Hands and Teeth. As your hands are occupied with sock, The Forest of Hands and Teeth has to be held open with elastic bands."
(April 13, 2009, Throwing Away the Breadcrumbs, http://ajbreadcrumbs.blogspot.com/2009/04/zombie-ap-sock-alypse.html)

Made-up citation: "My new film Ap-sock-alypse Now remakes the famous war movie with sock puppets. If I can get Elmo to play Kurtz, I think he'll get the Oscar (and I don't mean the grouch). That muppet has range!"