Monday, May 16, 2011

Five confessions

When I was a kid, I loved eating candy cigarettes and huffing candy glue.

My last girlfriend treated me like dog food—gourmet dog food. So that evened out.

I get my jollies by having my druthers. Hope that doesn’t give you the willies.

This summer, I’m going to use more tridents. I’m not getting any younger, you know.

I have the maturity of ten men, if the men are all about one and a half years old.

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