doofusmunch

noun. A doofus and a buttmunch were united in unholy conjugality, giving birth to a non-butted bio-crotchfruit, as the genetic wheel of fortune spins on.

Real citation: "hey doofusmunch. i need more redheads so we can start a redhead revolution!! muahhahahaarrrrrrr! you ruuuuuuuuule too mister ma"
(Oct. 17, 2006, MySpace, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=41399174)

Made-up citation: "'Would you rather be a doofusmunch or a doofuswad?' asked my wife. I didn't answer. I've never chosen between munches and wads before, and I'm not starting now."

post-traumatic cheesesteak syndrome

noun phrase. I know nothing of cheesesteaks, but a food baby may be involved.

Related terms: post-traumatic butt-viewing stress disorder, post-traumatic dating syndrome, post-traumatic red wine disorder, post-traumatic sexy caged-heat syndrome, post-traumatic stress syndromey, post-traumatic swirly disorder, post-traumatic Tony Danza Show disorder.

Real citation: "Let me add in here that it is not too long ago that I was heavily medicated for OCD, and we are sitting here with greasy steaks, fries, on a dirty stoop-- with 2 napkins to share between the three of us. None of this matters now because we have the beloved Philly cheese steak in hand, and we have the battle wounds to prove it. The anticipation is too much to handle and we bite in with such abandon . . .only to find . . . it's a cheese steak. . . Nothing special .. .after all that we'd had such high expectations and were quite disappointed. The fries were cold, the steak was greasy, and all together a waste of a few million calories. So there you have it. Between the yelling, the dirty eating accommodations, the million calories, and disappointing finish, you can see why I have affectionately called this Post traumatic cheese steak syndrome."
(April 18, 2008, Exactly where I am, http://exactlywhereiam.blogspot.com/2008/04/post-traumatic-cheese-steak-syndrome.html)

Made-up citation: "Few doctors can accurately diagnose post-traumatic cheesesteak syndrome anymore. My own personal physician said I'm lack toast and tolerant, so I'm not exactly engorged with faith in the medical community. "

spokescum

noun. Some scum is more verbose than others.

Real citation: "Don't you just love shrill nulabour spokescum attempting to justify the great leader on the box, though you have to admire their talent to weave fairy stories. To the dustbin of history with the lot of them!"
(July 11, 2008, The Telegraph, http://www.telegraph.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml?xml=/opinion/2008/07/11/dl1101.xml)

Made-up citation: "All resumes for the position of administrative hellbeast should be directed to the spokescum, who will also discuss the senator's recent scandal involving underage meerkats."

chicken-gasm

noun. Colonel Sanders! You touch me like you know me.

Real citation: "I love you, you are my hero. But only under the condition that your soulful outburst of appreciation and enthusiasm for that chicken, a.k.a. 'chicken-gasm' was of a genuine, non-scripted nature. Chances are being that it's a Mac-Donalds commercial, the outburst was pre-meditated in some way shape or form. Alas, you likes your chicken and aren't afraid to tell the world, and that's admirable."
(Oct. 3, 2005, I'm alive and well... Where am I?, http://meatsmoothie.blogspot.com/2005/10/open-letter-to-chicken-gasm-girl.html)

Made-up citation: "As a former NCAA chicken-finger-eating champion and brave consumer of the tastefully named Chernobyl chicken wings, I have always been capable of multiple chicken-gasms. I also admire the noble fowl for its intelligence and ability to hop."

cupcake-capades

noun. Adventures that are small, sweet, and unlike a tuna casserole.

Real citation: "after the cupcake-capades, i painted, and then changed my journal, and waited til i could update it..."
(March 13, 2003, http://desepoir.diaryland.com/)

Made-up citation: "I have no cupcake-capades to regale you with, dear readers. Rather, I am in the sweaty throes of Korean-BBQ-chicken-capades, and I never want them to end. Never!"

un-Palinated

adj. A word that does not apply to current conditions.

Real citation: "Somewhat reassuringly, an immersion in today’s chilly e-bathwater suggests that I am far from alone in finding almost intolerable the latest attempt to suggest that a politician who speaks in a vacant, incomprehensible patois is a flag-bearer for authenticity, readiness, sagacity.
All this has me looking backward to last spring, lovely for its pristinely un-Palinated landscape, when I made my first post for this page. "
(Wyatt Mason, Oct. 6, 2008, Harper's, http://harpers.org/archive/2008/10/hbc-90003662)

Made-up citation: "Even the dreamworld is no longer an un-Palinated haven for moose. Last night I dreamed Sarah Palin brushed the hair of a coyote, while pine cones menaced the skies."

(Thanks to Peter Robins for the tip)

co-whacko

noun. A cohort in cuckooness who may be putting more than the FDA-recommended serving of crack on their cornflakes.

Real citation: "There, we have a black Muslim with ties to Louis Farrakhan (though not for many, many years, apparently) and in the district next door, we have Michelle Bachman - an ultra-right wing GOP, uber-Christian, hyper-partisan, lunatic fringe member in good standing. Congresswoman Bachman can be counted on to contribute her ideas to Congress. She is obsessed with gays - claims that she was attacked by two lesbians at one of her rallies. She repeatedly introduces legislation to require the teaching of creationism in schools. I'm happy to say we re-defeated her co-whacko, Carla Nelson, by a couple hundred votes."
(Nov. 8, 2006, QRZ Forums, http://forums.qrz.com/showthread.php?t=108457)

Made-up citation: "Professor Freemont, your co-worker is a co-whacko--a neuro-psycho-whacko. And where does that leave us? Neurodoublefucked, once again."

pseudo-robo-sperm

noun. Jizz got an upgrade--just in time for the holidays.

Real citation: "These robots could be used to take samples from different areas, diagnose latent diseases and even cure conditions such as hypothyroidism and diabetes (the pseudo-robo-sperm swim around checking your blood sugar level, if it gets too high then they excrete insulin through mini pumps; I’m assuming there’ll also be a way to replenish the supply of insulin)."
(July 22, 2008, kill.thatdamnpatient.com, http://kill.thatdamnpatient.com/?p=35)

Made-up citation: "There is one surprise left in the Presidential race: pseudo-robo-sperm-gate. Who will be scandalized? Who will be robo-sperminated? Only Wolf Blitzer's marmot--gifted from birth with the second sight--knows for sure."

nekkiditity

noun. Insert blushing here.

Real citation: "“CAT!!—Get back in there and put on clothes—no one out here wants to see your nekkiditity!” Wicked grin, disappeared into the house, but only after, “Don’t sla-” SLAMMM!! “m…the door.” ::sigh:: Got my bucket and started going around to the feeders and she was back out there in just moments, dressed properly for outdoor viewing and she helped me clean out the old seeds and pour in the new. She REALLY likes that cool scooper with the hole in it."
(July 21, 2003, Possumblog, http://possumblog.blogspot.com/2003/07/you-know-worst-thing-about-your-kids.html)

Made-up citation: "I once flaunted my nekkiditity onstage, while squawking like a bird, leaping to the top of refrigerators, and competing with a milkman for the affections of a babe. Was this the highlight of my theatrical career? Or just a terrifying visit to Aunt Petunia?"

edgier-than-thouness

noun. An annoying quality that's about as truly edgy as an egg.

Real citation: "I totally agree. Dexter got involved with Rita to appear normal, not because he was attracted to her or found her interesting in any real way. She's his beard. He is Plastic Dexter with her. I am still attached to the notion that Dexter is a sociopath who doesn't have feelings so I don't think what some could interpret as him developing feelings for her and the kids is more than a convenient, not unpleasant habit for him. While Lila may be irritating with her edgier-than-thouness Dexter is attracted to her. The fire. The darkness. Whatever it is. And there is so much intimacy between them - tip of my hat to MCH - that just doesn't exist with he and Rita."
(Higness, Nov. 4, 2007, "2-5: "The Dark Defender" 2007.10.28," Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3161137&view=findpost&p=9170243)

Made-up citation: "Among hipsters, edgier-than-thouness is epidemic. Not that I would know anything about that. Mmm, I'm really enjoying this napalm latte... Smooth."

miscreantitude

noun. A repulsive quality not unlike varmintitude and sleazebagness.

Real citation: "Ron Wilson has a habit of calling out players for misdeeds in times of failure, only he never names names. It's as if he wants to protect the miscreants while declaring their ... well, miscreantitude."
(Ray Ratto, May 4, 2007, SFGate, http://news.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/05/04/SPGQVPL10B1.DTL&hw=difference&sn=090&sc=344)

Made-up citation: "Scientists have identified the gene for miscreantitude. Unfortunately, it is located on the grow-lungs-here gene, making the prospects for mandatory miscreantectomy unlikely."

buttfacebutt

noun. An insult that hits the insultee right where it hurts: in the face and the butt. Especially the butt.

Real citation: "I'm going to see thee Kaelyn next weekend. I'm going to be Kirka-ayayyayya......
Bye-e buttfacebutt"
(June 14, 2003, The Life and Times Of the Almighty Chez, http://sickndisgruntld.livejournal.com/)

Made-up citation: "Only a trained buttockologist can distinguish a perennial buttfacebutt from a congenital assfaceass, according to the brochure for Bippy University, which a shapely proctologistette slipped into my Raisin Bran."

Cubpocalypse

noun. A terrifying event that threatens to plunge my lovely north Chicago neighborhood into an unthinkable vat of misery... A brain-melting, soul-sucking, pee-scented, 100-year-old vat of misery.

Real citation: "So, this would be the portion of our program where you'd expect me to rip Zambrano for being a lot of talk and a lot of emotion but not anywhere close to clutch for a team that appears more deserving of a World Series berth than ever if it can get its self-inflicted highest-paid pitcher to pitch like a highly paid pitcher. Yes, this would be the time you'd expect me to point out how so many observers have yakked about Zambrano's arm angle and reduced velocity and dental hygiene, and talk like it's Cubpocalypse Now."
(Steve Rosenbloom, Aug. 27, 2008, Chicago Tribune, http://blogs.chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/rosenblog/2008/08/the-zambrano-wa.html)

Made-up citation: "Can the Cubpocalypse be averted? The Red Sox came back from 3-0 to beat the Yankees... But that required Dunkin' Donuts--corporate overlords of the state of Massachusetts--to throw all transplanted New Yorkers into a coffee-spewing volcano, where they died a scalding, delicious death that was pleasing to the baseball gods."

asspore

noun. A nano-orifice of the assticular region.

Real citation: "My friend Marchae just got dumped by her boyfriend, and she referred to her boyfriend as an 'asscrater' because a crater is bigger than a hole.
I kind of like that. It has about 3 pages of hits on google.
You are an asspore, because that's how little of an asshole you are! :o)"
(Brandi, Oct. 1, 2008, private email)

Made-up citation: "Can Biden mop up the remains of Palin's moosementum without seeming like a gaping asscavern? That is key. If he comes off as only an asspore, it's a big win."

laughanista

noun. One of the hordes of comics who prowl the night, treating politicians with the same tender care wild dogs give to a discarded KFC bucket.

Real citation: "While the late-night laughanistas were having their fun, as a professional poker player I instantly recognized an increasingly well-known poker tell that I’ve been able to use to my advantage at the table."
(Sept. 30, 2008, FiveThirtyEight.com, http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/2008/09/tongue-jut.html)

Made-up citation: "Deep down, all men want to be laughanistas, and all women want to be spatulas, according to my Uncle Phillip."

(Thanks to Gemma for the tip)

serial killer-dar

noun. A talent for detecting the Dexters and Hannibals and Denogginizers of the world.

Related terms: dogdar, sexual-geniusdar, someone-is-staring-at-my-ass-dar, weirdo-dar, zombie-dar.

Real citation: "I'm not really enjoying the plot with the potential teen serial killer (especially the Hannibal Lectorish part with the other serial killer knowing by looking at him - do they have serial killer-dar or something?!). But I'm curious to see where it will go."
(Navin, Oct. 1, 2008, "The Shield," Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=1569855&view=findpost&p=10862840)

Made-up citation: "Serial killer-dar--handy skill for a cop, not so essential in a department-store Santa. Someone had to make that distinction."

self-confoozled

adj. A common self-fuddling state.

Real citation: "Lexicographers are interested (professionally, that is) in words they can put in dictionaries. They watch new creations to see if they stick around; if not, they forget them. Linguists are interested in how speakers form words, among many other things. Linguistilexicographers, on the other hand, are selfconfoozled."
(languagehat, Oct. 1, 2008, MetaFilter, http://www.metafilter.com/75294/Fandiddlydamntastic)

Made-up citation: "Would you rather be self-confoozled or just confoozled? Or merely foozled? Choose your fooz wisely, my son!"

durificatrix

noun. A real stiffener.

Real citation: "We even found ourselves coining English words based on what we knew of Latin words and their patterns. Since we were adolescents, a lot of this coining was sexual or obscene in nature. I recall how we used the Latin term clunes (the buttocks) to create a Neo-Latin adjective clunalis, which we decided meant 'pertaining to the buttocks.' From there it was an easy step to invent the English derivative clunal, which we then started using as a pejorative for anything we didn’t like, or thought inferior. 'Man, that’s so clunal,' we’d say if something bothered us. My oversexed pal Vinnie invented the term durificatrix, which if it actually existed in Latin would mean 'woman who makes hard.' He’d employ it when discussing certain girls we knew. Vinnie would say 'You know, guys, that little cutie in the Registrar’s office is one real durificatrix.'"
(Joseph S. Salemi, The Pennsylvania Review, Oct. 2008, http://thepennsylvaniareview.com/2008/10/warm-up-with-ree-ree-3/)

Made-up citation: "I object to your calling my sister a durificatrix. That's my sister, not some leg-humping strumpet! I should challenge you to a duel or steel cage death match, but for twenty dollars, I could let my objections and her phone number go. Call today to take advantage of this limited-time offer."

schlamydia

noun. A Yiddish venereal disease treatable by intensive lox therapy.

Real citation: "Klamydia? Schlamydia!"
(July 11, 2007, Bergspredikan, http://bergspredikan.wordpress.com/2007/07/11/klamydia-schlamydia/)

Made-up citation: "How do we test for schlamydia? Feel the patient's matzo balls and taste the broth. Nothing easier!"

chickenshitology

noun. Only with years of training in this applied science can one tell the difference between chicken salad and chicken a la turd.

Real citation: "doktor of chickenshitology"
(May 4, 2002, http://www.popeye-x.com/antippx13_frm.htm)

Made-up citation: "Deciding between astrophysics and chickenshitology was the hardest part of college for me... Ultimately, this was not an either/or but a both/and situation, and I did a double major: Where better to embrace chickenshittery than in the far reaches of space, where even I feel safe from the menacing hordes that stumble droolingly across the plain?"