noun. Nurse, the neurospatula please!
Real citation: "Then the Cylons send him back to the fleet seemingly hoping at the very least he'll share some of his mind-forever-frakked-uppedness."
(stillshimpy, "3-8: "Hero" 2006.11.17," Nov. 18, 2006, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3148442&view=findpost&p=6623667)
Made-up citation: "Local researchers reveal that dating results in several predictable outcomes: intercourse, outercourse, mind-forever-frakked-uppedness, dinner, denial, acceptance, and clean apartments that had never been clean before."
Friday, February 29, 2008
super-sado-psychokiller
noun. A cuddly kitten who will steal your heart in a second. Jesus, are the editors high again? Make that: A cuddly whackopath who will eat your heart in an omelet.
Real citation: "In my capacity as Vanity Fair columnist and issuer of edicts, I am officially designating next Monday the 14th as Roy Scheider Day.
Is it is his birthday? Non. What occasions this salute is Scheider's guest appearance on a special Monday night edition of Law & Order: Criminal Intent, an episode titled "Endgame" in which he plays an orange-jumpsuited super-sado-psychokiller who taunts Vincent D'Onofrio's Goren into a snorting-nostril, meaty-chokehold Big Mac fury. Just pushes all his buttons, man."
(James Wolcott, May 9, 2007, http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/blogs/wolcott/2007/05/in_my_capacity_.html)
Made-up citation: "Do not be judgmental, brother. Inside every super-sado-psychokiller is a super-sado-psycholover, yearning to be free."
Real citation: "In my capacity as Vanity Fair columnist and issuer of edicts, I am officially designating next Monday the 14th as Roy Scheider Day.
Is it is his birthday? Non. What occasions this salute is Scheider's guest appearance on a special Monday night edition of Law & Order: Criminal Intent, an episode titled "Endgame" in which he plays an orange-jumpsuited super-sado-psychokiller who taunts Vincent D'Onofrio's Goren into a snorting-nostril, meaty-chokehold Big Mac fury. Just pushes all his buttons, man."
(James Wolcott, May 9, 2007, http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/blogs/wolcott/2007/05/in_my_capacity_.html)
Made-up citation: "Do not be judgmental, brother. Inside every super-sado-psychokiller is a super-sado-psycholover, yearning to be free."
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
crotchish area
noun. A sensitive region on the south side.
Real citation: “yeah its on the inside, but its not on my nut, its on like my crotchish area, im going to get it checked out soon, so i will update”
(July 21, 2005, http://www.pbnation.com/archive/index.php/t-1110598.html)
Made-up citation: "My crotchish area certainly prefers the winter to summer. It's nice to leave the ballsweatometer in the past--a moist, melancholy memory."
Real citation: “yeah its on the inside, but its not on my nut, its on like my crotchish area, im going to get it checked out soon, so i will update”
(July 21, 2005, http://www.pbnation.com/archive/index.php/t-1110598.html)
Made-up citation: "My crotchish area certainly prefers the winter to summer. It's nice to leave the ballsweatometer in the past--a moist, melancholy memory."
pre-doofus-lobbying
adj. A golden era we shall not see again.
Real citation: "The loss of the world's ice bergs aside, some of the latest catastrophic predictions from the IPCC include massive increases in 'flooding, drought, wildfire, insects, ocean acidification,' and, 'Many millions more people are projected to be flooded every year due to sea-level rise by the 2080s.' It's important to note that the United States, China, Russia and the Saudis lobbied to change the language in that sentence. The original pre-doofus-lobbying language: 'hundreds of millions of people,' according to the New York Times."
(April 9, 2007, The Huffington Post, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bob-cesca/climate-crisis-skeptics-a_b_45410.html)
Made-up citation: "My pre-doofus-lobbying life was full of quiet dignity. Now, doofi abound."
Real citation: "The loss of the world's ice bergs aside, some of the latest catastrophic predictions from the IPCC include massive increases in 'flooding, drought, wildfire, insects, ocean acidification,' and, 'Many millions more people are projected to be flooded every year due to sea-level rise by the 2080s.' It's important to note that the United States, China, Russia and the Saudis lobbied to change the language in that sentence. The original pre-doofus-lobbying language: 'hundreds of millions of people,' according to the New York Times."
(April 9, 2007, The Huffington Post, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bob-cesca/climate-crisis-skeptics-a_b_45410.html)
Made-up citation: "My pre-doofus-lobbying life was full of quiet dignity. Now, doofi abound."
human-beingy
adj. Meatbag! Skintube! Fleshwad! Pork pouch! Organ sack! Coffin-stuffer!
(Thanks to Futurama’s Bender for providing the vocabulary that will enrich the lives of killbots for generations to come).
Real citation: “There’s something very ‘human-beingy' about glasses. Maybe ‘cause they cost money and you have to interact with a sales-person and choose frames for them that are personalized to your taste.”
(Stan Apps, Nov. 28, 2004, refried ORACLE phone, http://nonprovocativeurl.blogspot.com/2004/11/hero-writes-to-jesus.html)
Made-up citation: “Rats have human-beingy hands, and humans have ratfinkish souls. Nature is symmetrical.”
(Thanks to Futurama’s Bender for providing the vocabulary that will enrich the lives of killbots for generations to come).
Real citation: “There’s something very ‘human-beingy' about glasses. Maybe ‘cause they cost money and you have to interact with a sales-person and choose frames for them that are personalized to your taste.”
(Stan Apps, Nov. 28, 2004, refried ORACLE phone, http://nonprovocativeurl.blogspot.com/2004/11/hero-writes-to-jesus.html)
Made-up citation: “Rats have human-beingy hands, and humans have ratfinkish souls. Nature is symmetrical.”
non-turd-oriented
adj. Some things have nothing to do with feces, you toilet-brained poopoobuckethead.
Real citation: “On Mile 118 of the Alaska Highway, in a little townlet known as Kluane (Kloo-awn-nee) Village, lies the self-proclaimed ‘Burl Capital of the Yukon.’ Some guy known as Scully takes these burls – rounded outgrowths from the trunks of trees – and turns them into both homey knick-knacks (polished bowls, etc.) and semi-frightening (some would say ‘primitive’) art. He’s the type of guy who’ll open up his store for you but leave to go finish his dinner, who’ll post signs like ‘Feel Free to Not Buy Anything,’ who’s published a book of aphorisms and will knock a buck off the price if you ask him to autograph it. The type of guy to name his non-turd-oriented business ‘The Blue Moose Turd Factory.’ Stop by, won’t you?”
(June 23, 2004, Heart on a Stick, http://heartonastick.blog-city.com/so_i_can_so_i_can.htm)
Made-up citation: “In winter, my short-haired, tiny dog makes few adventures into the outside world that are non-turd-oriented.”
Real citation: “On Mile 118 of the Alaska Highway, in a little townlet known as Kluane (Kloo-awn-nee) Village, lies the self-proclaimed ‘Burl Capital of the Yukon.’ Some guy known as Scully takes these burls – rounded outgrowths from the trunks of trees – and turns them into both homey knick-knacks (polished bowls, etc.) and semi-frightening (some would say ‘primitive’) art. He’s the type of guy who’ll open up his store for you but leave to go finish his dinner, who’ll post signs like ‘Feel Free to Not Buy Anything,’ who’s published a book of aphorisms and will knock a buck off the price if you ask him to autograph it. The type of guy to name his non-turd-oriented business ‘The Blue Moose Turd Factory.’ Stop by, won’t you?”
(June 23, 2004, Heart on a Stick, http://heartonastick.blog-city.com/so_i_can_so_i_can.htm)
Made-up citation: “In winter, my short-haired, tiny dog makes few adventures into the outside world that are non-turd-oriented.”
Monday, February 25, 2008
spokesnomad
noun. A strange ranger with an active noise-hole.
Real citation: "9:29 a.m. Back at the bus on Virginia Way, a fed-up neighbor reported the campers having stayed the night there. This time a spokesnomad told police that the groovy bus was broken down and that Monday morning, the occupants would go get the parts to fix it. She denied camping."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Arcata Police Log - August 11, 2003: Spokesnomad Obfuscates," The Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/police/030811police.shtml)
Made-up citation: "God requires many spokesnomads. The spokespretzels can't do it all."
Real citation: "9:29 a.m. Back at the bus on Virginia Way, a fed-up neighbor reported the campers having stayed the night there. This time a spokesnomad told police that the groovy bus was broken down and that Monday morning, the occupants would go get the parts to fix it. She denied camping."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Arcata Police Log - August 11, 2003: Spokesnomad Obfuscates," The Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/police/030811police.shtml)
Made-up citation: "God requires many spokesnomads. The spokespretzels can't do it all."
beallah
noun. A Muslim-y alternative to "bejesus".
Related terms: bezeus.
Real citation: “MIM: In an article headlined 'Allah be praised' the writer joked that the Muslims had taken over an old church scaring the 'bejeezus(the beallah?) out of many of their neighbors'."
(Jan. 11, 2007, Daily Diatribe, http://dailydiatribe.com.au/?p=2274)
Made-up citation: "In 2007, marauders beat the bejesus, the beallah, the beodin, and the holy hell out of me. It was an interdenominational can of whup-ass, opened by angels."
Related terms: bezeus.
Real citation: “MIM: In an article headlined 'Allah be praised' the writer joked that the Muslims had taken over an old church scaring the 'bejeezus(the beallah?) out of many of their neighbors'."
(Jan. 11, 2007, Daily Diatribe, http://dailydiatribe.com.au/?p=2274)
Made-up citation: "In 2007, marauders beat the bejesus, the beallah, the beodin, and the holy hell out of me. It was an interdenominational can of whup-ass, opened by angels."
Sunday, February 24, 2008
paleo-whatsit
noun. An old jiggydoodle.
Related terms: socio-psycho-whatsit.
Real citation: “if there's a realtionship between the length of the word and the injury you need a new name for your cut knee when it's that gross (photos=bad). Maybe Digimon had the right idea - mash words together and call it a mega-yukky-scabby-bleedy-kneehole-asaurus-stitchymon, that'll out-do Connor and his paleo-whatsit!”
(June 1, 2007, http://www.vorb.org.nz/ftopic-58657-30.html)
Made-up citation: “I lost my paleo-whatsit amidst the paleo-pizza and ancient ruins of a once-proud doggie bag in my fridge. Can you buy nukes online yet?”
Related terms: socio-psycho-whatsit.
Real citation: “if there's a realtionship between the length of the word and the injury you need a new name for your cut knee when it's that gross (photos=bad). Maybe Digimon had the right idea - mash words together and call it a mega-yukky-scabby-bleedy-kneehole-asaurus-stitchymon, that'll out-do Connor and his paleo-whatsit!”
(June 1, 2007, http://www.vorb.org.nz/ftopic-58657-30.html)
Made-up citation: “I lost my paleo-whatsit amidst the paleo-pizza and ancient ruins of a once-proud doggie bag in my fridge. Can you buy nukes online yet?”
zombocracy
noun. A system of government that, hey, might be worth a shot. Being enslaved by mindless flesh-eaters could be a step in the right direction.
Real citation: “Y’all are Irish on St Patties, furry and Xstatic on the playa, wasted and weepy on New Year’s Eve. and undead on Halloween. In short, you will make perfect subjects for the coming plutocratic zombocracy.”
(Oct. 24, 2007, Laughing Squid, http://laughingsquid.com/how-to-survive-a-zombie-attack-in-plain-english/)
Made-up citation: “Zombocracy has proven an efficient and business-friendly way of life. All those fried-brain restaurants really give the economy a boost and the palate a zing.”
Real citation: “Y’all are Irish on St Patties, furry and Xstatic on the playa, wasted and weepy on New Year’s Eve. and undead on Halloween. In short, you will make perfect subjects for the coming plutocratic zombocracy.”
(Oct. 24, 2007, Laughing Squid, http://laughingsquid.com/how-to-survive-a-zombie-attack-in-plain-english/)
Made-up citation: “Zombocracy has proven an efficient and business-friendly way of life. All those fried-brain restaurants really give the economy a boost and the palate a zing.”
bogartitude
noun. 1) The primal essence of Humphrey Bogart. 2) Your annoying habit of bogarting the joint, my patience, or the farmer's daughter.
Real citation: “The smoky B&W cinematography, the moody score, the hard-boiled dialogue, the femme fatale ("What else is there that I can buy you with?"), the quirky supporting performances by Peter Lorre and Sydney Greenstreet (who both turned out the next year with Bogie in 'Casablanca', probably not coincidentally) and the very Bogartitude of it all are simply intoxicating.”
(Montreal Film Journal, http://www.montrealfilmjournal.com/article.asp?A=A0000064)
Made-up citation: "After eight years of Commander Cuckoo-Bananas, his blatant, boneheaded bogartitude of the Presidency is almost over!"
Real citation: “The smoky B&W cinematography, the moody score, the hard-boiled dialogue, the femme fatale ("What else is there that I can buy you with?"), the quirky supporting performances by Peter Lorre and Sydney Greenstreet (who both turned out the next year with Bogie in 'Casablanca', probably not coincidentally) and the very Bogartitude of it all are simply intoxicating.”
(Montreal Film Journal, http://www.montrealfilmjournal.com/article.asp?A=A0000064)
Made-up citation: "After eight years of Commander Cuckoo-Bananas, his blatant, boneheaded bogartitude of the Presidency is almost over!"
de-ignorant-ized
adj. Enlightened; edumacated; learning-juiced.
Real citation: "Thanks guys, I feel so de-ignorant-ized."
(OrHeSaid, "Come on buddy, use words: The Office lexicon," Dec. 20, 2006, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3149473&view=findpost&p=6894621)
Made-up citation: "Grad school de-ignorant-ized my mind while fattening my body and de-soulifying my soul. That's a big win for grad school."
Real citation: "Thanks guys, I feel so de-ignorant-ized."
(OrHeSaid, "Come on buddy, use words: The Office lexicon," Dec. 20, 2006, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3149473&view=findpost&p=6894621)
Made-up citation: "Grad school de-ignorant-ized my mind while fattening my body and de-soulifying my soul. That's a big win for grad school."
Friday, February 22, 2008
entomologist-turned-bedroomologist
noun. A word appearing in few resumes, obituaries, and personal ads.
Real citation: “Back in the 1940s, the sex surveys of entomologist-turned-bedroomologist Kinsey shattered conventional wisdom about sexual behaviors, sold like hot cakes, and demonstrated that many more people engage in behaviors deemed deviant than their public faces admit.”
(Eric Allen Hatch, City Paper Online, Nov. 24, 2004, http://www.citypaper.com/film/review.asp?rid=8158)
Made-up citation: “I never required the services of an entomologist-turned-bedroomologist—until that fateful night when romance, live cockroaches, sweet Betty Lou, and a bucket of grain alcohol came into my life.”
Real citation: “Back in the 1940s, the sex surveys of entomologist-turned-bedroomologist Kinsey shattered conventional wisdom about sexual behaviors, sold like hot cakes, and demonstrated that many more people engage in behaviors deemed deviant than their public faces admit.”
(Eric Allen Hatch, City Paper Online, Nov. 24, 2004, http://www.citypaper.com/film/review.asp?rid=8158)
Made-up citation: “I never required the services of an entomologist-turned-bedroomologist—until that fateful night when romance, live cockroaches, sweet Betty Lou, and a bucket of grain alcohol came into my life.”
chickenwad
noun. A wad with feathers. A wad without courage. A wad, let us pray, with blue cheese.
Real citation: “Comparing Tillman to Cindy Sheehan just shows you for the chickenwad gutless worm you are”
(May 25, 2007, Politico, http://dyn.politico.com/members/forums/thread.cfm?catid=1&subcatid=1&threadid=21801¤tPage=4)
Made-up citation: “In utero, my mom used to call me 'chickenwad' and 'placenta-mooch.' I started therapy during the third trimester.”
Real citation: “Comparing Tillman to Cindy Sheehan just shows you for the chickenwad gutless worm you are”
(May 25, 2007, Politico, http://dyn.politico.com/members/forums/thread.cfm?catid=1&subcatid=1&threadid=21801¤tPage=4)
Made-up citation: “In utero, my mom used to call me 'chickenwad' and 'placenta-mooch.' I started therapy during the third trimester.”
Thursday, February 21, 2008
mechanopuppy
noun. A robo-pooch at the height of its youth and adorability.
Real citation: “Did I ever tell you how enchanting you are? You’re going to have the other mech’s following you around like lost mechanopuppies. They won’t be able to help themselves.”
(Sept. 16, 2007, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3787239/4/Scent_of_the_Future)
Made-up citation: “My new mechanopuppy never listens to me! He’s always chewing my slippers, deprogramming the DVR, and peeing robo-death-sauce on my futon.”
Real citation: “Did I ever tell you how enchanting you are? You’re going to have the other mech’s following you around like lost mechanopuppies. They won’t be able to help themselves.”
(Sept. 16, 2007, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3787239/4/Scent_of_the_Future)
Made-up citation: “My new mechanopuppy never listens to me! He’s always chewing my slippers, deprogramming the DVR, and peeing robo-death-sauce on my futon.”
mindbendee
noun. A victim of mental mangling. In layman’s terms, a neurodoublefucked numbskull.
Related term: brainsuckee.
Real citation: “Now, I've only taken small amounts of cannabis and (larger amounts of) alcohol, so I'm hardly an experienced mindbendee; thus, it could be quite difficult to explain the precise experience.”
(Nov. 9, 2007, Erowid Experience Vaults, http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=33626)
Made-up citation: “Better a mindbendee than a comboveree, according to Nostradamus.”
Related term: brainsuckee.
Real citation: “Now, I've only taken small amounts of cannabis and (larger amounts of) alcohol, so I'm hardly an experienced mindbendee; thus, it could be quite difficult to explain the precise experience.”
(Nov. 9, 2007, Erowid Experience Vaults, http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=33626)
Made-up citation: “Better a mindbendee than a comboveree, according to Nostradamus.”
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
BeelzeHillary
noun. Along with Beelzebama and McSatan, one of the lucky devils left in the race to be the next hellspawn-in-chief.
Real citation: "Just shut up and vote Republican already….. You know you want to….. Or would you rather let BeelzeHillary win?"
(March 27, 2007, Conservative Heritage Times, http://conservativetimes.org/?p=284)
Made-up citation: "I am an atheist when it comes to God, angels, aliens, hobbits, astrology, BeelzeHillary, Batman, Zeus, the force, underground molemen, and most kinds of pigmen. Did I leave anyone out, Odin, my sweet Nordic master?"
Real citation: "Just shut up and vote Republican already….. You know you want to….. Or would you rather let BeelzeHillary win?"
(March 27, 2007, Conservative Heritage Times, http://conservativetimes.org/?p=284)
Made-up citation: "I am an atheist when it comes to God, angels, aliens, hobbits, astrology, BeelzeHillary, Batman, Zeus, the force, underground molemen, and most kinds of pigmen. Did I leave anyone out, Odin, my sweet Nordic master?"
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
tri-boobedness
noun. Quadriboobage’s less numerous cousin: a holy—or is that unholy?—trinity of breastaciousness.
Real citation: “oh, hey- i know how to avoid muffin top: you wear what my daughter calls 'mom jeans.' they go all the way up to the actual waist, like in the 80s. no muffin top. i do, however, now have two belly rolls the exact same distance 'out' as my boobs. the bottom two are like tube-o-boob. muffin top or tri-boobedness? to each his own . . .”
(July 15, 2007, bits&pieces, http://cathyzielske.typepad.com/my_weblog/2007/07/even-steven.html)
Made-up citation: “To a Martian, tri-boobedness is ooh-la-la. To an earthling, well…ooh-la-la-la-ouch.”
Real citation: “oh, hey- i know how to avoid muffin top: you wear what my daughter calls 'mom jeans.' they go all the way up to the actual waist, like in the 80s. no muffin top. i do, however, now have two belly rolls the exact same distance 'out' as my boobs. the bottom two are like tube-o-boob. muffin top or tri-boobedness? to each his own . . .”
(July 15, 2007, bits&pieces, http://cathyzielske.typepad.com/my_weblog/2007/07/even-steven.html)
Made-up citation: “To a Martian, tri-boobedness is ooh-la-la. To an earthling, well…ooh-la-la-la-ouch.”
half-manbimbo
noun. They don’t make mimbos like they used to, according to Pa.
Real citation: “With that new understanding in place, it goes without saying that I couldn't permit myself to write a column last week heading into the Super Bowl. You put a keyboard in my hands, and not only would it become patently obvious that I have THOUSANDS of different ways to skewer the dirty cheating Patriots and their quarterback (who is a rare and elusive Half-Manbimbo, Half-Ladyboy), but it'd be pretty clear that I was a cautiously optimistic NY Giants fan.”
(Rick Scaia, Feb. 7, 2008, Online Onslaught, http://www.onlineonslaught.com/columns/oo/20080207.shtml)
Made-up citation: “With some gym time, minor surgery, and a tasteful boyzillian, I hope to achieve half-manbimbo status by July.”
Real citation: “With that new understanding in place, it goes without saying that I couldn't permit myself to write a column last week heading into the Super Bowl. You put a keyboard in my hands, and not only would it become patently obvious that I have THOUSANDS of different ways to skewer the dirty cheating Patriots and their quarterback (who is a rare and elusive Half-Manbimbo, Half-Ladyboy), but it'd be pretty clear that I was a cautiously optimistic NY Giants fan.”
(Rick Scaia, Feb. 7, 2008, Online Onslaught, http://www.onlineonslaught.com/columns/oo/20080207.shtml)
Made-up citation: “With some gym time, minor surgery, and a tasteful boyzillian, I hope to achieve half-manbimbo status by July.”
Monday, February 18, 2008
democracy-y
adj. Power to the people! Ish!
Real citation: “He said Iraq would be step 1 in a series of many steps to make the world safe and all democracy-y.”
(The Daily Raider, http://www.dailyraider.com/index.php?id=521)
Made-up citation: “I no longer desire a democracy-y existence. I’ve turned my life over to dark-avenger-y, dominatrix-sex-kitten-y, diaper-faced, dog-ass-flavored divorcey-weds.
Real citation: “He said Iraq would be step 1 in a series of many steps to make the world safe and all democracy-y.”
(The Daily Raider, http://www.dailyraider.com/index.php?id=521)
Made-up citation: “I no longer desire a democracy-y existence. I’ve turned my life over to dark-avenger-y, dominatrix-sex-kitten-y, diaper-faced, dog-ass-flavored divorcey-weds.
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