tie-to-the-bedable

adj. Very worthy of being strapped down on a romantic surface for hot-monkey-sex-related purposes.

Real citation: "'tie-to-the-bedable', adj. (with a reasonably compositional meaning). No google hits, but the formation process is obviously productive."
(Laurence Horn, May 9, 2005, http://listserv.linguistlist.org/cgi-bin/wa?A2=ind0505B&L=ads-l&P=R1279)

Made-up citation: “To a goliath bird-eating spider, another goliath bird-eating spider is likeable, boinkable, and very tie-to-the-bedable.”

unsexyish

adj. Sexy as a limp, damp dishrag with a bit of a stench.

Real citation: "Where are the really sexy dragons? I personally dislike the pretender dragon's ability to turn into a human. Very unsexyish."
(The_Tauren13, Oct 19, 2004, http://www.shrapnelcommunity.com/threads/showflat.php?
Cat=&Board=UBB74&Number=304259&page=
0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=&fpart=4)

Made-up citation: “Unsexyish people do unsexyish things. Like deface penguins.”

bonership society

noun. A community based on boners, boning, or outright boneration.

Real citation: "At first glance, Grassley's bill act seems like a conservative no-brainer: It's anti-sex, it's fiscally responsible, and it fits in nicely with President Bush's recent calls to privatize massive, rock-hard erections via a "bonership society" that encourages people to take control of their own ball-draining fuck sessions."
(Greg Beato, "Iowa Senator: No Hard-On Pills For Poor People!" May 24, 2005, Wonkette, http://www.wonkette.com/politics/hill/index.php#iowa-senator-no-hardon-pills-for-poor-people-104849)

Made-up citation: “In a bonership society, only the schmuck-faced hoser is truly a dickhead.”

peelessly

adv. Done with a bladder as wide open--er, empty--as the great outdoors.

Real citation: "3:21 p.m. A guy with a ponytail and goatee took a whiz behind a Ninth Street building, then peelessly headed for the Plaza."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Seething weirdosity exudes from Arcata's every orifice," The Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/police/051005police.shtml)

Made-up citation: “Male rats deal with few issues peelessly. ‘Walk over it and pee on it’ is pretty much their approach to everything.”

moral whatever-tude

noun. A moral attitude characterized by—oh screw it, I’m taking a nap.

Real citation: “To satisfy their moral whatever-tude, they check Dierdre for track marks. There are none. But Zach is on the landing, looking down, and sees everything. They freeze in tableau. (Well, one of them is dead, but the two living ones freeze.)”
(Choire Sicha, “The fifth housewife,” May 23, 2005, Salon, www.salon.com/ent/tv/review/2005/05/23/desperate_housewives/)

Made-up citation: “Studies show that cholesterol, moral whatever-tude, and metric fuckloads of crap in the basement all tend to increase with age.”

Jesus shit howdy

exclamation. A more Christ-like and down-home version of “Holy shit!”

Related terms: shit howdy, goddamn shit-howdy, yee-haw-shit-howdy, Jesus shit, holy Jesus shit, sweet Jesus shit, holy Jesus fuck, holy fucking Jesus shit, Jesus holy shit Christ.

Real citation: "Jesus Shit Howdy! I heard Totalitar was good but damn…I pumped my fist in the air so hard to this that I think I damaged my rotator cuff."
("Totalitar," http://www.rocknrollpurgatory.com/musicreviews10.html)

Made-up citation: “Appropriate responses to pregnancy in one’s teen, spouse, or self include ‘Jesus shit howdy!’ and ‘By Odin’s beard!’”

doofusette

noun. A female doofus.

Real citation: "rave, you doofusette, you don't put the food in THERE"
(http://www.spinnoff.com/swhc/IRCQuotes6.html)

Made-up citation: “I have eight daughters: a stewardess, a laundress, an empress, a temptress, a benefactress, a priestess, a doofusette, and a lady of the night. And I’m proud of every one.”

head-up-your-assish

adj. Kind of asshatted.

Related terms: assish, bad-assish, dumb-assish, fat-assish, half-assish, hard-assish, jack-assish, kick-assish, kick-in-the-assish, kiss-assish, lard-assish, non-assish, pain-in-the-assish, pompous-assish, smart-assish, suck-assish, wise-assish.

Real citation: "And ignoring the 70-year record of communism in action, as well as its collective achievement in leaving a good part of the world to dig out of the economic and environmental ruin it left behind, is pretty head-up-your-assish."
(Grinch, March 21, 1998, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/misc.education/msg/0cead40a314c1217?hl=en)

Made-up citation: “In a world gone buttmunchy, only the head-up-your-assish man is truly analicious.”

crack on one's cornflakes

idiom. A sign of a healthy, loony, batshit-worthy breakfast.

Real citation: "Any ideas? If there isn't anything like this I might write it myself or did I sprinkle too much crack on my corn flakes this morning?"
(Michael Honeyfield, Feb. 15, 2004, https://lists.dulug.duke.edu/pipermail/rpm-python-list/2004-February/000049.html)

Made-up citation: “Since insanity runs in my family, I don’t even need to put crack on my cornflakes. I got all the crack and cornflakes I need—right here!”

moron dust

noun. The stuff of morons--especially when they get blowed up.

Real citation: "Even though the guy's a moral and practical idiot, I'll still feel sorry for him if and when an American bomb turns his stupid ass to moron dust."
(Russell Wardlow, Jan. 25, 2003, http://www.meanmrmustard.net/archives/2003_01.html)

Made-up citation: “If all the morons in the world were reduced to moron dust, that would be bad for anyone with allergies.”

Mother Theresa on a motorbike

exclamation. A more motherly, saintly, and motorbikey version of "holy shit!"

Related terms: holy mother of Theresa, sweet mother Mary on a motorboat, oh mother of Mary Magdalene and the motorbike she rode in on, holy shit on a stick, sweet merciful Buddha on a crutch, holy freakin' Christ in a Christmas tree, Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick.

Real citation: "Mother Theresa on a motorbike.
Is there anything is the known world hotter than Lena Olin in leather? How am I supposed to get any work done?"
(quotidian, "The Rambaldi Files: Speculations with Spoilers," May 16, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3113402&view=findpost&p=2964996)

Made-up citation: "Sweet Mother Theresa on a motorbike! I have to take a cheese whiz."

santorum-swilling

present participle. This refers to enthusiastic drinking of what Dan Savage has defined as "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."

Related terms: santorum-slurping, santorum-smudged.

Real citation: "You admire Mr. Tillman, my lovegod, for the stunningly clever retorts that he showers upon us cretinous, malicious, repulsive santorum-swilling scums ... "
(http://groups-beta.google.com/groups?hl=en&q=santorum-swilling)

Made-up citation: "Drano-sipping, santorum-swilling, or motor-oil-gargling may indicate your son or daughter has a drinking problem."

Darth Dubyous

noun. The Dark President of the Sith: George W. Bush.

Real citation: "It's also, surprisingly, when Lucas' anti-fascist politics come into focus: when the senate rises to cheer the new order of the first galactic empire, and Padme realizes that she and everyone else have aided in the dismantling of a democracy by ceding more and more power, in the name of security, to an unscrupulous dictator. (An old '60s guy, Lucas takes a palpable swipe at our own Darth Dubyous.)"
(David Edelstein, "The Passion of the Sith," Slate, http://slate.com/id/2118604/)

Made-up citation: "At this point, what foul deed could Darth Dubyous do that would actually get serious attention from the press? Eat a baby? Direct his daughters in a porno? Gah."

bongo horror

noun. Bongo music.

Related terms: bongo atrocity, bongo attack, bongo barrage, bongo brouhaha, bongo crisis, bongo flagellation, bongo fury, bongo magic, bongo merriment, bongo tensions, bongo vibes.

Real citation: "10:23 p.m. More bongo horror on the Plaza was swiftly abated."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Percussus resurgam: Plaza bongo pilots serenade the square," The Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/police/000822police01.shtml)

Made-up citation: "Bongo horror is to the ears what dog poo is to the shoes."

pig in a lace hat

idiom. Sometimes, lipstick on a pig just isn't enough.

Real citation: "Will uses big words and pompous literary references to dress up what are basically the brutish and vulgar thinking patterns of a non-union meat-packing plant owner. He is a pig in a lace hat."
(Matt Taibbi, "Wimblehack: Round II," http://www.alternet.org/mediaculture/20197/)

Made-up citation: "When a pig in a lace hat squeals like a stuck pig, I'm happy as a dead pig in the sunshine."

leather-pants-fashion-do category

noun. The half of humanity--a very small half, I might add--for whom wearing leather pants is advisable.

Related terms: leather-pants-fashion-don't category.

Real citation: "A lot of people backstage at the Hole/Marilyn Manson show were wearing leather pants. I don't have anything against leather pants per se; on the right guy, leather pants give me the vapors. But leather pants are difficult to pull off, which makes them a fashion-don't for most people. And most people backstage at KeyArena definitely fell into the leather-pants-fashion-don't category.
When she ran onstage, Courtney Love was wearing leather pants. Courtney, of course, falls into the leather-pants-fashion-do category, by virtue of her celeb status."
(Dan Savage, "Hell for Leather!," April 1, 1999, The Stranger, http://www.thestranger.com/1999-04-01/music.html)

Made-up citation: "I've never really been in the leather-pants-fashion-do category; I'm more of an all-purpose-fashion-yikes kind of guy."

super-ultra-mega-melty

adj. Like a grilled cheese sandwich--to the bazillionth power of holy shitballs!

Real citation: "But, I was talking to DG about this thread (him lurking here isn't even a secret anymore) and he called that girl you set up for him a 'big fat melty creature'. Yep, he ripped off Miguel, but, if JOSH FUCKING BEANE calls you a 'melty creature' that makes you like, a super-ultra-mega-melty creature with like mega torpedo tits or something."
(http://friends.portalofevil.com/sp.php?si=3&fi=000010240&ti=1000268342&pi=1000269136)

Made-up citation: "My mother always said, 'super-ultra-mega-melty methods bring super-ultra-mega-melty results.'"

fuckhandle

noun. A close cousin of the fuckbrain, the fuckface, the fuckhead, the fucknut, the fuckstain, and the fuckwit.

Real citation:
"i tell the truth, fuckstain.
you fucking fuckhandle.
at least you have dignity."
(tim, Aug. 29, 2004, http://timpratt.blogspot.com/2004/08/shotput-your-love-into-my-extenuating.html)

Made-up citation: "If you ask a teacher, 'Can I inquire as to how you became such a fuckhandle?", the teacher will probably answer, 'Yes, you may.'"

mindboink

noun. A family-values-friendly mindfuck.

Related terms: clusterboink, motherboinker, boink you.

Real citation: "early 90's mindboink from AK"
(kopiethakitty, May 22, 2002, http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0000038ZP/102-6445120-3740953?v=glance)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'Do not mindboink thy neighbor, lest ye be ratboinked where it hurts.'"

harlot laureate

noun. Paris Hilton.

Real citation: "It's been four full years now without a good pair of bedroom eyes in the White House, and we're beginning to feel the chill. It's not that we're not trying to find something to get lathered up about. This year, we've been treated to exposed breasts and on-camera blow jobs, read porn star confessionals and paeans to anal sex, even goaded harlot laureate Paris Hilton into further ludicrous behavior by making her a pseudo TV star."
(Rebecca Traister, "Libido malfunction," Salon, www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2004/12/17/malfunction/)

Made-up citation: "Every father hopes his daughter will grow up to be harlot laureate. If he's insane."