Five confessions

I like to pretend my food is bad people, and my bowels are the bowels of hell, and my poo is reincarnation. It smells like justice.

I don't regret the children I fathered. I regret the fathers I childrened, because that sounds embarrassing.

We didn't need The Weather Channel when I was a kid. Keeping a meteorologist chained to the radiator worked just fine.

I learned a lot from comic books, like how to order sea monkeys or eat a planet.

If the glove fits, I peed in it.