Monday, June 13, 2011

A Bird-to-English Dictionary

I can poop anywhere, and that is awesome.

bup-bup bup-bup-bup
Your haircut stinks!

chwee chwee chwee chwee chwee
You call it preening, but a man’s gotta look his best.

dzeer dzeer dzeer tzee tzee
Someday, I am gonna kill a squirrel or malti-poo.

eeeen eeeen eeeen
I descended from dinosaurs, you know.

If I poop on this guy’s head, you owe me a Coke.

A cat on a leash! A cat on a leash! There is a God after all.

Do we have to practice this formation again? Jesus.

kyew kyew kyew kyew kyew
My third egg is gonna grow up to be a doctor.

ooaah coo coo coo
I know who killed Kennedy.

prrip prrip
I would make a great mate. If you don’t believe me, ask your mom.

This is an instinct! This is an instinct!

No, you jackass, birdsong is learned!

tu-tu-tu tu-tu-tu-tu
If you mess with my eggs, I will cut you.

tzeen tzeen tzeen
Why do I even come back to this craphole every spring?

I love the smell of reproductive success in the morning.

Mate for life? No thanks. I get more ass than a branch.

Woof woof woof!

widdik pik widdik pik pik pik
You’ve got to stop this war in Afghanistan.

An angel getting its wings is bullshit. If anyone needs a new pair, it’s millions of chickens.

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