Beyonce-ologist

noun. A vocation I would gladly pursue, if not for the restraining order.

Real citation: "@ShanelleWithAnS OMG ok you Beyonce-ologist lmao"
(Feb. 15, 2010, Avery Younger, Twitter, link dead)

Made-up citation: "When I was but a lad, I dreamed of being a Beyonce-ologist. So how did I end up a goat-ball-licker/grad student/stable boy? Sigh."

butt-cation

noun. A vacation from your own ass? We all could use one.

Real citation: "so fucking ready for butt-cation. only 3 more shifts till washington!"
(Feb. 20, 2010, Rosa Zamora, Twitter, http://twitter.com/sabrosa505/statuses/9401956395)

Made-up citation: "I'm already planning my 2011 butt-cation. My ass is worn out, mainly because of your mom."

poo ex machina

noun phrase. The shittiest of all plot twists.

Real citation: "A weekly series, though, needs a story to go with its characters, and 'The Mentalist' is undone by the same poo ex machina storytelling that makes other CBS procedurals so unwatchable."
(Sept. 22, 2008, Glenn Garvin, Catholic Online, http://www.catholic.org/ae/movies/review.php?id=29563)

Made-up citation: "I didn't like the poo ex machina in Avatar. Isn't it convenient that a giant turd just happened to kill all the evil smurfs!"

nopey-derangey

adj. When hopey-changey just isn't batshit enough.

Real citation: "How's that 'Nopey-Derangey' think working for the Republicans today?"
(Feb. 25, 2010, Miles Kurland, Twitter, http://twitter.com/Malacandra/status/9634871521)

Made-up citation: "I take a nopey-derangey approach to parenthood. It's the only way to ensure my kids will grow up to be raving loons."

Shatner-Kirk syndrome

noun phrase. A condition...I think....you...may recognize...

Real citation: "Why can't....golf announcers speak in.....complete sentences. I think Kelly Tilghman has Shatner-Kirk syndrome."
(Feb. 21, 2010, Miranda Allen, Twitter, http://twitter.com/1MirandaAllen/statuses/9437825240)

Made-up citation: "I can imagine a lot, but I can't imagine Pee-wee Herman with Shatner-Kirk syndrome."

enormo-biscuit

noun. The Grand Poobah of West Biscuit-stan, as I learned in AP History. Or home ec. Or from that guy screaming by the side of the road.

Real citation: "Talking of which, how can there not be a single picture of the enormo-biscuit on the side of the McVities factory ANYWHERE on the internet?"
(Feb. 18, 2010, Nell Frizzell, Twitter, http://twitter.com/NellFrizzell/statuses/9284969705)

Made-up citation: "For a balanced breakfast, I order the enormo-biscuits and nano-pancakes."

dontfuckwithmyshit-ishness

noun. A quality rarely found in bunnies.

Real citation: "@Karoli yeah - it was classic HRC, classy but mildly dismissive and just a hint of aggressive dontfuckwithmyshit-ishness"
(Feb. 16, 2010, J.C. Lee, Twitter, http://twitter.com/jclee1230/statuses/9218686668)

Made-up citation: "I wish I had more dontfuckwithmyshit-ishness and not as much pleasepleasefuckwithmyshit-itude."

step-milfimpian

noun. A milfistic Olympian who may have, under her jurisdiction, a red-headed stepchild.

Real citation: "@JayOnrait I believe she's a step-milfimpian"
(Feb. 22, 2010, Jeff Sykes, Twitter, http://twitter.com/jeffsykes/status/9477390674)

Made-up citation: "Soon after Bill Simmons coined 'milfimpian,' the step-milfimpian evolved. Can the grand-milfimpian be next?"

bonkers-gasm

noun. A moment of joy, Cocoa Puffs, and--clinically speaking--insufficient sandwiches for a proper picnic.

Real citation: "Florence ft dizzeee = better than... wait for it... the bonkers-gasm"
(Feb. 18, 2010, Nathan Anthony Marsh, Twitter, http://twitter.com/NathanMarsh1991/statuses/9299048772)

Made-up citation: "I haven't had a bonkers-gasm in quite some time. My diet of alcohol, ether, and smurf brains must be working."

almost-osity

noun. Close-but-no-cigar-itude.

Real citation: "Gah. I'm almost done with my laundry. Like. So almost done that you can feel the almost-osity of the done-ness..!"
(Feb. 17, 2010, Kyle Dugan, Twitter, http://twitter.com/TheDugan2123/statuses/9226547314)

Made-up citation: "I'm very close to dating Christina Hendricks. I can feel the almost-osity. *huffs more glue*"

testosto-boy

noun. A man's man, full of beef and testicularity and dumbassitude. A loincloth may be present.

Real citation: "Commentator during women's ice hockey:"This is the women's event;there's not s'posed to be much violence."Excuse you?! Bite me,testosto-boy!"
(Feb. 15, 2010, Alex Sims, Twitter, http://twitter.com/AlextheFly/statuses/9162432503)

Made-up citation: "It's hard for a testosto-boy like me to date. I intimidate everyone with my muscles, my musk, and my moat. Plus, it's expensive hiring servants to pull the ball cart that supports my notorious nads."

aggrrttaaggrrttaaggrrtt

interjection. A far more manly and Wookie-y alternative to aaaaaiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!

Real citation: "I asked my Chewbacca Magic 8 Ball if I would have a good day. The answer: 'Aggrrttaaggrrttaaggrrtt.' No offense, but Chewie blows at this."
(Sept. 10, 2009, Crusty Juggler, Twitter, http://twitter.com/crustyjuggler72)

Made-up citation: "My bark is worse than my bite, but my aggrrttaaggrrttaaggrrtt is worse than either. It's even more repugnant than your mom."

insomniatwitteritis

noun. Too much Twitter... Too little sleep... And god damn it, who pooped the bed?

Real citation: "@sad19 lol! I think so...and the scientific name for it is 'insommniatwitteritis'.... :oD"
(Feb. 14, 2010, Lisa, Twitter, http://twitter.com/4030lisa/status/9119257323)

Made-up citation: "I never suffer from insomniatwitteritis. When I can't sleep, I sodomize a smurf--just as our forefathers intended."

hemi-demi-semi-god

noun. Hey, the gods can't all be Thor or Allah. Cut 'em some cosmic slack.

Real citation: "Are the grandchildren of demigods called hemi-demi-semi-gods?"
(Feb. 15, 2010, Andy Hollandbeck, Twitter, http://twitter.com/4ndyman/status/9154950839)

Made-up citation: "I send all my prayers to the hemi-demi-semi-god Al. He doesn't have much power, but at least he takes my calls--unlike that jackass Zeus."

Creepyguy-istan

noun. Not the best place to look for a date to the prom.

Real citation: "@sanasaleem She was involved with Zaid Hamid? Um, ew. Isn't he a citizen of creepyguy-istan?"
(Feb. 8, 2010, Naheed Mustafa, Twitter, http://twitter.com/NaheedMustafa/statuses/8812437048)

Made-up citation: "If you think your dude's never been to Creepyguy-istan, check his passport. About 74% of us were born there."

that's what she said-ology

noun. One of the most important fields of our time, along with aeronautical truthiness.

Real citation: "@lenariel i think @AniaJ191 needs schooled in 'That's what she said'-ology"
(Jan. 15, 2010, Erika, Twitter, http://twitter.com/25superstar/statuses/7811924944)

Made-up citation: "We'll never know which cavedude was the inventor of that's what she said-ology, after his loyal cavebuddy said, 'Ugh ook. Ook-ook. Ook oot ook!'"

no pants-edness

noun. Happy Valentine's Day!

Real citation: "Easter Island Head @stephenkruiser is bringing much joy on Planet Kruiser in 5 mins. RFCRadio.com. Enjoy the No Pants-edness of it all.#pkrs"
(Jan. 22, 2010, RFCPatel, Twitter, http://twitter.com/RFCPatel/statuses/8098176568)

Made-up citation: "I rather enjoy luxuriating in a state of utter no pants-edness. What have pants ever done for me? They're worse than pea soup."

preacher-splosion

noun. Oh my. Is that anything like a nun-tastrophe?

Real citation: "Today had a late preacher-splosion, but I used discipline to pull myself away #grudgingly"
(Feb. 5, 2010, pyrogenesis, Twitter, http://twitter.com/pyrogenesis/statuses/8693126900)

Made-up citation: "There are many victims for every preacher-splosion. Still, it makes God giggle, so what're you gonna do?"

nacho-cheese-and-beer-induced

adj. The cause of so many dire medical conditions and tragic toilet quagmires.

Real citation: "Not bloody likely. Either way, enjoy the nacho-cheese-and-beer-induced paralysis and have a happy Super Bowl Sunday, America!"
(Feb. 6, 2010, Heather Havrilesky, Salon, http://salon.com/life/super_bowl/index.html?story=/ent/tv/iltw/2010/02/06/super_bowl_alternatives)

Made-up citation: "Let me dispel a few religious myths right now. The virgin birth is bunk. So how did Mary get preggo? It was still a miracle: the miracle of the nacho-cheese-and-beer-induced pregnancy. The same thing happened to my sister."

out-transcendentalize

verb. A complex process that I am far too drunk to define.

Real citation: "@stefispice 'Dude. You can't out-transcendentalize me. You are one pansy-ass motherfucker.'-- Ralph Waldo Emerson"
(Feb. 9, 2010, Ally Paul, Twitter, http://twitter.com/aspaul/status/8877592683)

Made-up citation: "Free insult: 'Your mother couldn't out-transcendentalize a paper bag!' Hey, it's a first draft."