debaucheristical

adj. Would Snow White approve? Maybe after a few drinks and a tasteful dwarfsploitation film.

Real citation: "um....b....i thought you were sending me your debaucheristical pics....wtf!"
(Dec. 13, 2007, RootZoo, http://wwww.rootzoo.com/threads/view/NFL-Football/Oakland-Raiders/CHECK-THIS-OUT.....NEWBIES-_and_-OGs.....ROOTS-FOR-COMMENTS._70556)

Made-up citation: "My lifestyle is not exceptionally debaucheristical... But I got a pint of Ben & Jerry's and the Tropic Thunder DVD, so I say whoo-hoo!"

not-jiggly-anywhere

adj. Jiggle enthusiasts, look elsewhere!

Real citation: "Dorie says to bake for 40 to 45 minutes, or until they jiggle only in the center. I set the timer for 40 minutes and went off to get the kids into bed. I did not even think about the custards again until the timer went off after 40 minutes. Well, apparently my oven is running hot these days, because by the time I got there, it was evident that I had missed the 'jiggly only in the center' stage by a long shot. My custards were not only not 'jiggly in the center,' they were, I kid you not, the Jessica Biel of spoon desserts, i.e., not jiggly anywhere. Which is great for you if you are Jessica Biel, but very, very bad if you are a custard. Because this is what happens when you stir up a not-jiggly-anywhere custard:"
(March 10, 2009, The Tortefeasor, http://thetortefeasor.blogspot.com/2009/03/twd-vanilla-bean-cup-custards-or-mildly.html)

Made-up citation: "Though I am renowned for my award-winning, soul-nourishing fiction and improbable feats of unbridled athleticism on the lacrosse field, I am most proud of my not-jiggly-anywhere physique, which you too can obtain with daily supplements of unholy nanotechnology--they will also put a rabid bear in your underwear, if you know what I mean."

fuh-reaky-deaky

adj. Even to a layperson or sedated gorilla, this sounds freaky.

Real citation: "Hmmm...I'll have to check it out, too! i've been lurking on a few boards more lately. Not that I don't love you ladies!! I was looking at the debate board a little while ago about the crazy girly who had like 10 accounts on there and got banned! Fuh-reaky deaky!"
(May 15, 2008, Pregnancy.org Bulletin Board Community, http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboards/archive/index.php/t-301082.html)

Made-up citation: "Do you want to hear something completely, totally, twistingly fuh-reaky-deaky? Well, look elsewhere, pal. I don't go for that sort of thing. Now let me finish this milk and goat's-blood smoothie in peace."

port-o-potty-pocalypse

noun. One of the five worst 'pocalypses in the tri-state area, according to local weatherpeople.

Real citation: "I cry J'ACCUSE and stick my fiery sword of vengeful death into this entire posting! MARTIN!!!!! Don't accuse DDOT of beating a term to death when every neophyte staff writer at DCist gets 'the memo' requiring them to attaches the 'pocalypse anytime (1) anyone offers any free food item or (2) some sort of weather event occurs. To wit:
Free-pocalypse
Burger-pocalypse
Froyo-pocalypse
Ice-pocalypse
Lettuce-pocalypse (seriously???)
Choco-pocalypse
Cupcake-ocalypse (nice phraseology on that one)
salad-pocalypse
beer-pocalypse
ca-ca-pocalypse (Monkey inspired?)
kimchi-pocalypse (targeted at a specific audience)
coffee-pocalypse
traffic-pocalypse
free-pocalypse
inaugural-pocalypse
bindle-pocalypse AND
my personal favorite
the port-o-potty-pocalypse.
I am going to instruct Monkey to poo on the head of the next violator."
(April 14, 2009, DCist, http://dcist.com/2009/04/potholepalooza_over_expect_potholes.php)

Made-up citation: "I don't know which book of the Bible foretells the looming port-o-potty-pocalypse that will threaten all we hold dear, but I'd like to option the movie rights."

non-snot-eater

noun. A consumer of meat, fish, vegetables--heck, maybe even poo--but no nostril monsters whatsoever.

Real citation: "The Heinrich eats snot one is not logically sound.
Only fools eat snot
Heinrich is a fool
.... does not follow that Heinrich eats snot. Because while Fools are the only consumers on the snot-market, and Heinrich is a fool, It does not establish that there could not be a fool who is another type of eater. A non-snot eater. Perhaps a hippo-eater or a sushi-eater."
(Dec. 31, 2007, Will Type for Food, http://willtypeforfood.blogspot.com/2007/12/great-philosophical-debates-presented.html)

Made-up citation: "I've never dated a vegan or non-snot-eater. I wonder what it would be like..."

Pinko-Atheist-in-Chief

noun. That's Mister Pinko-Atheist-in-Chief, thank you.

Real citation: "Most Presidents, including Ike, Nixon, Ford and Reagan, signed a proclamation and got back to work running the free world. W had a big morning interfaith get together with ministers, priests, rabbis, and Zoroasterian clergy, whatever they are called.
So, Slats is going back to the old way, and that makes him Pinko-Athiest-in-Chief for some folks. From the article…"
(May 6, 2009, Roger Grey, Wake-up Call, http://www.rogergrayblog.com/2009/05/06/moonies-smear-obama-on-prayer-day-uh-arent-you-supposed-to-be-praying-for-the-guy/)

Made-up citation: "In this country, anyone can grow up to be the Pinko-Atheist-in-Chief, a bounty hunter, or the creator of a new and horrifying film genre, like mooseploitation. That's what makes America America. Suck on that, rest of the world."

batshit-mentum

noun. A powerful force fueled by inherent whackaloonism and a steady diet of crazy flakes.

Real citation: "If he's picked Lieberman, he'd have Joe-mentum. Instead, he has Batshit-mentum. Weee-doggies!"
(Sept. 8, 2008, The Erin O'Brien Owner's Manual for Human Beings, http://erin-obrien.blogspot.com/2008/09/think-ill-send-urine-sample.html)

Made-up citation: "Few mammals have more batshit-mentum than my dog, who has been cuckoo for crack puffs his whole life and shows no signs of turning to the non-loonball side of the force."

testosto-rage

noun. A Hulk-smashy hissy-snit that starts deep in the gonads.

Real citation: "Back in the mid-'90s, I worked at an FM Top 40 radio station and when I was hired, the program director asked that I use the pseudonym 'Cunningham' because my actual last name sounded too ethnic and was difficult to spell.
So you can imagine my Hulk-like testosto-rage when I read this story:"
(April 9, 2009, Bob Cesca's Awesome Blog, http://www.bobcesca.com/blog-archives/2009/04/grotesquely_stu.html)

Made-up citation: "It isn't easy containing the fiery maelstrom of testosto-rage that boils deep beneath my--uuuuuuuuuurp. Whew, never mind, I feel much better now."

catastro-bleep

noun. Technically speaking, a 4-alarm, 24-carat, code-orange, restaurant-quality catastro-smurf.

Real citation: "Yes. everything going on lately is just one catastro**bleep** after another."
(April 15, 2007, Adult Swim, http://boards.adultswim.com/adultswim/board/message?board.id=2&message.id=18427904&query.id=103583)

Made-up citation: "Dating is a tough business... You never know if a soulmate or a catastro-bleep is around the corner. Plus, if your father was prolific, dating your sister is almost inevitable, and that's enough to make the baby Jesus gag himself with a spoon."

Deady McDeadsty

noun phrase. Deado McDeadski.

Real citation: "Bummer to be us, then. 'Virtuality' -- Deady McDeadsty. And no more 'Dollhouse' for us, I'm guessing."
(May 9, 2009, Maureen Ryan, Chicago Tribune, http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/entertainment_tv/2009/05/dollhouse-omega-finale-fox-dushku-whedon.html)

Made-up citation: "Someday, I will be Deady McDeadsty. Until then, I'll be doing your wife. Sorry, bro."

apoco-babe

noun. She brings tidings of doooooooooom! And a really subprime casserole.

Real citation: "we have so many thoughts in common. i've wanted to do one like this for some time, an apoco-babe, a scoot, and a looming monster amidst a lanscape of highway overpasses."
(March 13, 2009, Flickr, http://www.flickr.com/photos/leonryan/3352528892/)

Made-up citation: "Sorry ladies, but I only date apoco-babes. Commitment issues, I guess."

mom-stitute

noun. Hey, at least I didn't post this on Mother's Day. I have some standards, you barbarians!

Real citation: "If you've read recent-ish Facebook Status Updates, or if you're my mom and have had this discussion with me, you already know that I'm in the market for a Mom-Stitute.
In fact, I think a whole army of Mom-Stitutes are in order. (Before I proceed, I should probably clarify that a Mom-Stitute would be a SUBstitute for a Mom...not anything to do with institutes or prostitutes. Just so we're clear.) There should be a hotline you can call the moment you know you'll be taking a trip down Sick Road, and your Mom-Stitute will arrive promptly to care for your children."
(April 2, 2009, The Rose Garden, http://handbrosegarden.blogspot.com/2009/04/mom-stitute.html)

Made-up citation: "Today's consumers expect every mom-stitute to be a MILF, and every man to be a Batman. No wonder God sent swine flu to kill everyone, except the underground pig-men, who shall reign supreme! USA! USA!"

long-neck-asaurus

noun. A paleo-giraffe?

Real citation: "There was something about the orange crayons. They were always the first to go, like the front line of soldiers in a bloody battle. They didn’t stand a chance against Bill. Tom watched as Bill whittled away another one of the wax sticks with enthusiasm, filling up yet another orange dinosaur. It was big, with elephant feet and vines hanging out of it’s mouth. A long-neck-asaurus or something. Simone had bought them both coloring books at the grocery store, but Bill had already scribbled over his own pages and was now making quick work of Tom’s dinosaur book. Tom didn’t mind. Whatever it took to keep Bill in good spirits was usually worth the cost, and today it was a newsprint coloring book. Today was cheap."
(May 5, 2008, Livejournal, http://reden-reden.livejournal.com/1385.html)

Made-up citation: "Before my current position as exorcist-in-residence for Macy's, I used to kill terrorist-controlled long-neck-asauruses for a shadowy government organization. Now that was a great way to meet women."

non-boom-boom-boom

adj. Melodic--or at least not much like a piledriver administered to my skull by Lou Ferrigno on crystal meth.

Real citation: "I'm not familiar with KLH but Cerwin Vegas are notorious party speakers, loud and cheap, and you can find them in many a frat house precisely for that reason. Not exactly designed for classical, jazz, or otherwise non-thrashy, non boom-boom-boom music that requires solid mids and natural highs."
(March 20, 2005, ecoustics.com, http://forum.ecoustics.com/bbs/messages/1/127802.html)

Made-up citation: "I've made millions in the music industry, penning classic tunes in the boom-boom-boom and non-boom-boom-boom genres. For my next career, I'm giving competitive eating a spin. Mother always told me my stomach was destined for greatness. Or was that my spleen?"

everything-ruiner

noun. A serious buzz shackle. Buzz shackler? I'm not good at conjugating buzzes.

Real citation: "Of course, his choices were Team A: Twitchy and perhaps crazy Dan, and everything-ruiners Jack & Kate. Or Team B: Kick-ass Sawyer, Sure-shot Juliet, Steady Eddie Jin, and his new BFF, Hurley."
(April 30, 2009, "5-14: "The Variable" 2009.04.29," Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3185090&view=findpost&p=11689991)

Made-up citation: "I hate to be an everything-ruiner, but we just nuked your gazebo, which held all that you hold dear. Sorry about that. We're hoping random nuclear incidents jumpstart the economy."

opto-mole-ology-ist

noun. An expert in the opto-mole-ma-logical arts.

Real citation: "'Good luck!' The guy who was with Joe said as he hurried away. 'Yeah, thanks a lot, Kevin!' Joe yelled back to him. 'C'mon, the opto-mole-ology-ist...uh... person's office is right over there.' He led Gabi to the ophthalmologist's office to get get some new glasses. Luckily, she had her prescription with her, since she was a clutz. So she picked out some frames that were exactly like her old ones; plain brown and a rounded rectangular shape. They went up to the counter lady and (Joe) explained."
(June 27, 2008, Gabi's Fanfictions, http://ffsbygabi.blogspot.com/2008/06/beautiful-chapter-5.html)

Made-up citation: "Call the opto-mole-ology-ist! I found an opto-mole in my pancakes."

ham-a-geddon

noun. Mmm.... pork-pocalypse.

Real citation: "It's ham-a-geddon people.
You don't know how long it took me to come up with that pun but anyway apparently we're all going to die from a few bastard pigs. Who knew the thing that would kill us all would be pigs. I'm one of the people who think pigs are cute but not cute enough that I won't eat bacon but cute none the less. Who knew all this time they were just plotting and waiting to release the virus that kills us all."
(May 2, 2009, Super Ally, http://thesuperally.blogspot.com/2009/05/ham-geddon.html)

Made-up citation: "Only one thing can prevent the ham-a-geddon: a baconpire! That's what my Bible says, anyway."

Beelze-whatever

noun. The name that dare not be said, because who knows what it is?

Related terms: Beelze-something.

Real citation: "'Well, that Beelze-whatever was trying to EAT me, and I wanted to deck him in the nose!' She clenched her fist, growling. 'I just started thinking about how much I wanted to SMACK him…' She demonstrated by slamming her fist into her open palm. 'And then…'"
(Jan. 22, 2008, FanFiction.net, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3665108/44/Jackie_Chan_Adventures_Long_Live_the_King)

Made-up citation: "If you meet Beelze-whatever in the woods, don't run! Just pull out your mystical sword and chop the Dark Lord's noggin off. Oh, you don't carry a mystical sword on every camping trip? Guess someone wasn't an altar boy."

dunderwad

noun. The most dunderheaded wad of them all, according to the latest wadological research.

Related term: dunderdoof.

Real citation: "Turning it personal, dunderwad? Yeah, thought so."
(July 7, 2008, L.A. Dodgers, http://www.forums.mlb.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?tsn=68&nav=messages&webtag=ml-Dodgers&tid=93381)

Made-up citation: "Chickens have a reputation as the dunderwads of the barnyard, but their contributions to art and science and lunch have been underestimated for too long."

Snuggie derangement syndrome

noun phrase. A blanket-with-sleeves-related mental disorder that can be alleviated with a straitjacket.

Real citation: "After suffering through that annoying Snuggie commercial today for the umpteenth time, I decided to look online to see if anyone had written about it, and sure enough, I came across this column and this one. The monk-like man eating popcorn reminds me of 'Mr. Atoz' from 'Star Trek' (see above photo); and I always wonder what kind of people would possibly go out in public wearing Snuggies! Anyone else suffering from Snuggie Derangement Syndrome?"
(Jan. 3, 2009, Oyvayblog, http://oyvayblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/snuggie-derangement-syndrome.html)

Made-up citation: "Nine out of ten doctors cannot tell Snuggie derangement syndrome from diabetes of the blowhole. That's because doctors are buttmunches. In your face, science!"