unidiotness

noun. Someone's using the old thinkbone.

Real citation: "if the idiot user then manages to read through the manpage for rm and finds out that the argument r makes rm remove directories as well and the argument f makes it not ask any more i am going to congratulate him for his ultimate unidiotness."
(timonator, June 12, 2006, http://forums.introversion.co.uk/introversion/defcon/viewtopic.php?p=4700)

Made-up citation: "Whoever the next President is, I have high hopes for reasonable levels of unidiotness."

missing-the-pointitude

noun. What happens when someone dodges all things pointy.

Real citation: "and of course the film aspect of the festival is also generally overshadowed by the insane hubbub that surrounds it to the point where you wonder if anyone even really thinks of it as a film festival anymore. one example of extreme missing-the-pointitude: the french city is thronged (or is it... thonged?) each year with young girls who plan hairdos, outfits and strategies for months leading up to the festival so they can 'casually' walk past yachts and whore their way into celebrity parties in hopes of being 'discovered.'"
(May 28, 2006, http://ztransmissions.blogspot.com/2006_05_01_archive.html)

Made-up citation: "Missing-the-pointitude is not one of the seven deadly sins, but it is one of several annoying goddamn faults."

assnutface

noun. An assface--with nuts.

Real citation: "There was no indication that it was the 1st gen until w00t posted the link, assnutface."
(Wheelman, http://www.supercars.net/PitLane?viewThread=true&bottom=10&gID=4&fID=0&tID=115490)

Made-up citation: "The assnutface on my street who destroyed a bike he was trying to steal may not qualify as an evil genius."

scrotumette

noun. Ew.

Real citation: "walking back home from the market, i had to reach down and start into my bag of dried figs. a favorite chinese discovery. these delicacies are the size of a spinning nickel only closer in shape to a hershey's kiss before impact. and really resembling more of a scrotumette, which apparently does not phase me one morsel."
(May 5, 2004, http://solarlab.diaryland.com/stormeye.html)

Made-up citation: "You're not even a scrotum. You're a miserable, passive-aggressive, dried-up scrotumette, and thank Zeus we didn't have any kids."

douche-toolish

adj. Kind of a tool, kind of a douche.

Real citation: "The resulting apoplexy of douche-toolish self-obsession -- too many egos, too small a space, Romo quoting himself, Gaius being all writer guy now, Angeli doing a bang-up job as usual -- causes the entire episode to run backwards from itself and then explode at the very beginning, like it never happened."
(Jacob, "The Son Also Rises," Television Without Pity, page 20, http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/articles/content/a12902/index-19.html)

Made-up citation: "Half of good teaching is just being non-douche-toolish."

non-splodey

adj. Safe as houses that don't go kerplooey.

Related terms: non-explodey.

Real citation: "So to yourself, keep your head non-splodey, have Mr. Frank give you a nice rubdown, and calm down. We need you coherently righteous for the 2012 elections."
(shimauma, Sept. 20, 2006, http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:_U4E6wa0W3YJ:www.imao.us/cgi-bin/monkeystuff.cgi%3Fentry_id%3D6245+%22non-splodey%22&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us)

Made-up citation: "Staying away from spicy food makes for a non-splodey ass, says my doctor."

boogerfy

verb. To carry out the hands-on boogerfication process.

Real citation: "Is it child abuse to make sure that the don't create noise pollution and/or boogerfy everthing...? Yeah, I guess pulling it off would hurt. Can somebody please make a kid-muzzle?"
(Jan. 30, 2005, The Pissed Kitty Cometh, http://thepissedkittycometh.blogspot.com/2005_01_01_archive.html)

Made-up citation: "As a kid, I never knew what to say at confession, so I usually copped to some coveting and boogerfying."

robo-stroke

verb. Some strokes are less fleshy than others.

Real citation: "Hillary thinks we're all stupid and that if we're robo-stroked often enough by her poll-generated paeans, we’ll pull the lever for her."
(Matt Taibbi, "Don't Ask Hillary About Gay Rights -- She Won't Tell," March 14, 2007, Alternet, http://www.alternet.org/columnists/story/49251/)

Made-up citation: "In the future, 'robo-stroke' will take on at least six distinct meanings, only two of which will be sleazebot-related."

concubine-tastic

adj. Looking for concubines and other harem-licious delights? Look no further.

Real citation: "[The Throne Room of the Harem in the Palace in Istanbul. Concubine-tastic...]"
(http://www.anchovy.durge.org/holiday/Europe/22-7.live)

Made-up citation: "The search for the most concubine-tastic quote of the year is over."

rat bleeper

noun. A ratfucker the whole family can enjoy.

Real citation: "Trixie Trischitta remained incommunicado yesterday, but that's OK, because his old co-workers at Avis Rent-a-Car in West Newton surely have a lot to say about their old pal.
'That fat, bleepin' rat bleeper,' said one guy calling from Waltham. 'He got me fired back in '72.'"
(Feb. 26, 1999, Boston Herald, http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1G1-57107093.html)

Made-up citation: "On the inside, we're all rat bleepers, according to Dr. Phil."

meth goggles

noun. The unique worldview imparted on those lucky few who see the world through crystal-meth-colored glasses.

Related terms: vodka goggles, wine goggles, rum and Coke goggles, Long Island Iced Tea goggles, weed goggles, heroin goggles, crack goggles, grain alcohol goggles.

Real citation: "I've done some immoral shit in my life but the worst acts occurred during a phase in which beer goggles had nothing on meth goggles."
(Chester, Feb. 16, 2006, http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:M9iW10SbpPQJ:ruthlessforum.com/viewtopic.php%3Fp%3D425600%26sid%3D6e0eadf2d07ab7c53d2552d103d392f5+%22meth+goggles%22&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=2&gl=us)

Made-up citation: "Don't confuse meth goggles with protective eyewear: one has to do with dating, the other with a Beavis and Butt-head lab."

fembotization

noun. In the future, we will all be sultry, deadly robots with feminine charms.

Real citation: "That's why the current trend of teen-age girls getting boob jobs is so sad.
I'm not down with the Fembotization of the world."
(Aug. 10, 2005, http://lawrenkmills.mu.nu/archives/111156.php)

Made-up citation: "My presidential platform is consistent: I'm pro-life, pro-family, pro-fembotization, pro-immigration."

crapportunity

noun. A crapfestacular opportunity.

Real citation: "I say that the "Curly W" logo of the Nats is a symbol with two simultaneous meanings -- for "crap" but also for "opportunity": If you will, "crapportunity."
(Dan Shanoff, March 16, 2007, Deadspin, http://deadspin.com/sports/baseball/baseball-season-preview-washington-nationals-244758.php)

Made-up citation: "Seize the crapportunity, kids. It's as easy as shitting the bed."

roommate-cest

noun. A less genetically dubious--yet still unadvisable--form of incest.

Real citation: "Are we talking about roommate-cest here? Bad idea buddy, really bad idea."
(zesovietrussian, Dec. 14, 2005, http://www.geekculture.com/ultimatebb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=7;t=000128)

Made-up citation: "Roommate-cest won't produce any web-footed infants, but paying the cable bill may become an issue when the romance fades."

boogerbutthead

noun. A boogery butthead? A heady boogerbutt? You make the call.

Real citation: "red is a boogerbutthead ;o ^"
(kiwiix33, Aug. 21, 2007, http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:DLfZahW9a3UJ:www.questlife.net/forum/archive/index.php%3Ft-1018.html+boogerbutthead&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us)

Made-up citation: "Modern humans are descended from Neanderthals and bonobos, as well as many other banana-eating boogerbuttheads."

churchgasm

noun. An orgasmic experience--with pews.

Real citation: "so edith was having a churchgasm diring service, during her annual chirch masterbation period. THUS in conclusion. I hate church and -NOTHING- will change that. =]"
(Gracie, Nov. 12, 2006, http://www.melodramatic.com/users/squisheh/%E2%99%A5Bad%20Times~xx/0)

Made-up citation: "All U.S. politicians are required to produce believable, toe-curling churchgasms--because this country is cuckoo-bananas."

bedoofused

adj. An elegant, almost Shakespearian alternative to “doofusistic.”

Real citation: "I seem to remember Mark posting about surgically splicing some X-Box controller to work as a USB device once upon a time, so maybe he will regail us with his exploits of Computer Science genius while me and my penguin look on in bedoofused discombobulation."
(Shabba-doo, May 20, 2004, http://www.bad-candy.com/mb/viewtopic.php?p=37834&sid=222792ecf8d9fc6e193020ec874bd2d3)

Made-up citation: "To stand bedoofused in the morning air really sucks."

plookload

noun. In the lingo of Frank Zappa, a fuckload. Not part of the metric system.

Real citation: "Damn, there seems to be a plookload of new people." (Blandy Buchanan, Sept. 11, 2006, http://www.606studios.com/bendisboard/showthread.php?t=84111&page=468)

Made-up citation: "Thank ye for thy bountiful plookload!"

God on a blue surfboard

idiom. A close relative of "Mother Theresa on a motorbike."

Real citation: "Cally...normally, I try to be civilized and not make the obvious jokes about a character I don't like, and an actress I'm afraid isn't quite up to the job. But not tonight. The acting? Stank on ice. And Cally, within the story? Needs dieing. Stat. Christ I hate her. God on a blue surfboard, I hate her."
(Kaffyr, "3-18: "The Son Also Rises" 2007.03.11," March 12, 2007, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3152128&view=findpost&p=7362563)

Made-up citation: "God on a blue surfboard! I'm a fan of Swedish pancakes."

betrayal-y

adj. Et tu, buttmunch?

Real citation: "82.37 cups of betrayal-y goodness."
(July 21, 2006, http://fallingupstairs.wordpress.com/tag/random/)

Made-up citation: "Is that your destiny? To be as betrayal-y yet adorable as a naked mole rat?"

brainwashatron

noun. A handy mind-laundering device.

Real citation: "Wow, a week of conservatism training at Reagan Ranch Retreat, where you will have an opportunity to explore the experiences Reagan enjoyed! But don't let them keep you in the BrainWashaTron too long or you'll be enjoying the experiences Reagan currently enjoys."
(Oct. 13, 2003, World O'Crap, http://blogs.salon.com/0002874/2003/10/13.html)

Made-up citation: "Put me in the brainwashatron and don't skimp on the brain bleach!"

wankitudinous

adj. Because "wanky" just doesn't have enough syllables.

Real citation: "I keep all but the truly wankitudinous. Those I give to charity. (Not because I'm a nice person, just because it seems like more trouble to sell them). Apart from "A Portrait of the Artist...", which annoyed me so much I threw it out the window to relieve my hatred."
(Milla, May 4, 2006, http://www.bowlie.com/forum/library/25669-books-keep-not-keep-question.html)

Made-up citation: "Many seekers of wankitudinous delights end up on my site. Sorry, filth-seekers! All I got are words."

crapulent-tastic

adj. Fantastically crapulent.

Real citation: "Crapulent-tastic banner!"
(http://crapulent.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1151&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=45&sid=223bff0626419ed1e505adc5537f9dd4)

Made-up citation: "The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the crapulent-tastic are bold as a lion."

spermliness

noun. A spermatozoa-type quality that has something to do with manhood and peopling the earth.

Real citation: "Between the time we got our diagnosis and did some research and the time of our appointment, T and I did some soul searching. Amazingly, T is one of the only men I have ever met who honestly doesn't care about carrying on a genetic legacy. Not only that, but he is man enough to NOT associate manliness with spermliness. Thank God. It would have been the Crisco-flavored icing on the soggy-ass cake if he were like that."
(amyesq, Jan. 23, 2005, Fertiley Challenged, http://amyesq.blogspot.com/2005/01/ttc-early-years.html)

Made-up citation: "If spermliness is next to Godliness, then God should watch out for the wet spot."

death-bed-ish

adj. Sweet-oblivion-y...with a mattress.

Real citation: "Well, in light of the movie, the first verse makes a lot more sense. I didn't even know it was featured in the movie, although I saw it, so I don't even know how the hell I didn't even put 2 and 2 together. However, the rest of the song just seems so..... death-bed-ish to me, you know?"
(evian, Jan. 31, 2000, http://www.smoe.org/lists/joni/v2000.n063)

Made-up citation: "My new band: Desmond and the Death-bed-ish Dingleberries."

slackassage

noun. The Church of the Subgenius worships slack, but only the Latvian Orthodox church values slackassage, which they define as a kind of anti-kavorka.

Related terms: slackassitude, slackassery.

Real citation: "It's called Slackassage...my new word for posts that never seem to post and then post twice...I should sell this **** to Webster's and make a fortune.:D"
(cncmomma, April 16, 2006, http://www.cncden.com/forums/archive/index.php?t-14631.html)

Made-up citation: "The only enduring criticism of John Donne's poetry is that he rhymed 'slackassage' and 'wackassage' too many times. Hadn't Donne heard of 'crackassage'?"

depressionosity

noun. Even Valley girls get the blues.

Real citation: "i am emo. emos rule the world with there depressionosity"
(evierox, http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=293985)

Made-up citation: "Clinically speaking, anyone who uses the word depressionosity is not suffering from depressionosity."

succubusless

adj. Where did my dreamy female dreamtime demon go?

Real citation: "Well, since it doesn't look as though a succubus is ever gonna make her rounds here I could always take a trip out to Vegas, Prostitution in legal in Nevada - I think it should be everywhere cause there are alot of succubusless subjects out there. It would only cost a few bucks and your soul won't get sucked out immediatly."
(Zaltor, Feb. 14. 2003, http://groups.google.com/group/alt.folklore.ghost-stories/msg/8bf3bc4850fac502)

Made-up citation: "After the exorcism, I was succubusless and demon-free. And lonely...sob."

expositionator-y

adj. 1) Take terminator-y. 2) Replace the gore and violence with brain-melting blah blah blah. 3) Stir till yeast is dissolved.

Real citation: "Ahhhh. I really liked this episode. The only parts that rang false were in the Tyllium refinery with the kids. I know, their little bits of a story were featured to make a point and to push the plot forward, but there was something kind of Expositionator-y about them that didn't quite work for me."
(amarantainbk, "3-16: "Dirty Hands" 2007.02.25," Feb. 26, 2007, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3151936&view=findpost&p=7245599)

Made-up citation: "The Bible's a little expositionator-y for me. Hasn't God heard of 'show, don't tell'?"

fuckheadess

noun. The world is full of fuckheads. Some are womenfolk.

Real citation: "How do you know it's not a fuckheadess?"
(Dopefish, Sept. 2, 2001, http://groups.google.com/group/alt.hacking/msg/57043779f4454b1b?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "Your mama's a fuckheadess, and your dad's a fuckheadess-fucker."

thwackitude

noun. Ouch. Or, woohoo! Depending on the thwackee.

Real citation: "Golly! I hit the cages again tonight and was mighty improved fom yesterday. I saw the ball better and got my legs and hips into the swing much better. I'm still hitting better from the left side, but once I started focussing on the ball and its proper state of thwackitude, I started making very respectable contact."
(Liam, May 11, 2005, http://heylisten.blogspot.com/2005/05/south-will-never-rise-agien.html)

Made-up citation: "I hope Jackie Chan is enduring minimal thwackitude in his movies these days. Dude deserves a break."

douchebagwad

noun. Sometimes, "douchebag" just doesn't cover it.

Related terms: douchebaghead.

Real citation: "we be chilaxing pretty soon
douchebagwad
mannnn"
(Sept. 11, 2006, http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:vIm-ji5edWsJ:profile.myspace.com/index.cfm%3Ffuseaction%3Duser.viewprofile%26friendid%3D53894445+douchebagwad&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us)

Made-up citation: "Just as humans and chimps share 98% of their DNA, the difference between a douchebag and douchebagwad is subtle."

hellhound-free

adj. Completely lacking any frisky Satanic canines.

Real citation: ""The Prom" does have a couple of nice moments when Cordelia realizes that Xander has made sure she looks spectacular for the big dance, and watching Wesley weigh the ethics of asking her to dance is okay, but Cordy really is a minor player in this one. The emphasis is on Buffy, who is determined that since they all might be killed when the Mayor ascends the least she can do is make sure her friends have a hellhound-free prom."
(Lawrance M. Bernabo, Dec. 17, 2005, http://www.amazon.com/Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer/dp/B000260QJC)

Made-up citation: "Our products are video-equipped, hellhound-free, government-subsidized, and battery-operated. Join today. We will be as one."

dealbreakerness

noun. The essence of something that spooked the horse, shit the bed, and soured the deal.

Real citation: "Nothing else in his answer confuses us away from this first sentence. In response to a direct question on the dealbreakerness of carve-out personal accounts (the only ones worth debating), the president used the word 'voluntary' in the first sentence. And it's hard to be murky on this: carve-out personal savings accounts vs. add-on accounts is a black and white issue. Because of the way the SSA pays benefits, either all of us accept carve-outs, or none of us. Add-ons can be voluntary, and voluntary is the key word."
(Michael, April 29, 2005, http://rosettaweblog.blogspot.com/2005/04/i-must-have-missed-something-part-2.html)

Made-up citation: "When dating, cats have the stench of dealbreakerness for me, because they make my lungs shut down, like adorable, furry Darth Vaders."

dramaqueentastic

adj. A close, demanding relative of "promqueentastic."

Real citation: "what kind of loser writes a blog to his friends when he could just go buy them a drink and talk to them? 'Oh I know, I'll sit on my fat ass and type instead of kickin it with my homiez, thats so much cooler and more effective than face-to-face communication' dramaqueentastic!
(SCUD, 2005, http://www.yayhooray.com/thread/54781/People-with-Blogs?page=2)

Made-up citation: "There's a fine line between assertive and dramaqueentastic. OK, maybe there isn't."

nose-smushage

noun. An unromantic meeting of the cartilage.

Real citation: "Ahh what's worse is when you're kissing someone who DOESN'T tilt, cuz then whichever way you go, you have to bend your neck even MORE to avoid nose-smushage."
(Sue, Sept. 9, 2005, http://www.gunson.ca/blog/archives/2005/09/another_highly.html)

Made-up citation: "Nose-smushage and psycho-meetage are two hazards of dating."

Mr. Sweaty Scream-o

noun. Not who Mom and Dad hoped you'd be. Alas.

Real citation: "Mr. Sweaty Scream-o and Captain Overreaction – Feb. 6"
(Kevin L. Hoover, Feb. 6, 2007, The Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/index.php?module=Pagesetter&tid=2&topic=7&func=viewpub&pid=463&format=full)

Made-up citation: "My parents named me ESPN. Would 'Mr. Sweaty Scream-o' have been any worse?"

fart-knockery

noun. Some kind of Beavis and Butthead-ish idiocy or flatulence.

Real citation: "May the glory of communication and discussion flourish rather than flaming, trolling, bashing, and general fart-knockery for lack of a less appropraite term that isn't offensive."
(Nick Powers, May 16, 2006, STJ Ultimate, http://vtultimate.org/v-web/portal/cms/ac/index.php?option=com_forum&Itemid=56&page=viewtopic&p=19250&sid=73a9d24da4ec62da8d082480200964f1)

Made-up citation: "New research shows fart-knockery is more common in boys than girls. Preliminary findings also indicate boys have testicles and toy trucks."

crapologism

noun. A crap-diddly-tastic neologism.

Real citation: "Yes, technically, it's a word, and technically, it's probably correct as cited. That's the letter of the law. The spirit of the law is that it's a pretentious post-MBA marketing coinage that is both obnoxious and extraneous, and if I want to discourage its use, which I do, I need to dismiss it out of hand on The Vine.
You're right on the merits, of course, but I'm not about to split that hair if it means someone thinks that kind of crapologism is acceptable.
Words I myself make up or bend to my will are of course exempt from this curt judgment. Hee."
(Sarah D. Bunting, private email, March 2, 2007)

Made-up citation: "Crapologisms are as plentiful as prepositions, yet so much more barfbag-worthy."

stank-a-riffic

adj. Stink-o-riffic.

Real citations: "Speaking of incompetent developers with no regard for human life, the next stop on our stank-a-riffic tour is the Roebling Oil Field. . . ."
(Judy McGuire, "Smellevision!," Feb. 22, 2007, Bad Advice, http://badadvice.typepad.com/my_weblog/2007/02/smellevision.html)

Made-up citation: "What's more stank-a-riffic? The beers you swill, the sheets you soil, or the gene pool from which you emerged?

bullshit in a can

noun phrase. Not the freshest twaddle.

Real citation: "the last company i worked for was bullshit in a can. they had their own special words for everything. nobody bothered to learn them. we prefered english to corporatese."
(arachnophilia, Aug. 7, 2005, http://arachnophilia.deviantart.com/journal/6155547/)

Made-up citation: "Bullshit in a can is common in this hemisphere, along with bullshit on wheels and bullshit on toast."

post-traumatic stress syndromey

adj. PTSS-ish.

Real citation: "OK - as a Starbuck lover, I think I have the right to say this: what an incredible ass. That goes for one-eyed too. Very Post tramatic stress syndromey, but still, WTF?"
(cwaldo, "3-4: "Collaborators" 2006.10.27," Oct. 28, 2006, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3147691&view=findpost&p=6427439)

Made-up citation: "After breaking up with my girlfriend and doing my taxes, I feel kind of post-traumatic stress syndromey. And poor. And sex goddessless."