noun. A staunch advocate of the notion that Homer Simpson is correct and we are all merely sprinkles on a heavenly donut.
Real citation: "Recently some astronomers proposed that the universe is shaped like a gigantic donut. Then a competing group proposed that the universe actually is shaped like a gigantic soccer ball. The cosmic-doughnut group, based at the University of Pennsylvania, took exception to the cosmic-soccer-ball gang, who are mainly French academics. Cosmic-donut supporters asserted if the whole universe is a soccer ball, then individual views of the sky should resemble a sliced bagel."
(Gregg Easterbrook, "God did not watch the Super Bowl, but everybody else did!" http://www.superbowl.com/news/story/8173992)
Made-up citation: "I'm no cosmic-donut supporter, but Christ in a Christmas tree, do I ever support Dunkin' Donuts coffee."
Monday, February 28, 2005
non-basics-neglecting
present participle. This describes the kind of love monkey who remembers the bread and duck butter while not getting overly distracted by fully-adjustable sex harnesses and the like.
Real citation: "Kinky guys who are lucky enough to find themselves dating or married to GGG women should be considerate, loving, and non-basics-neglecting, so that their wives and girlfriends will talk up the benefits of being GGG to their female friends, thereby increasing the supply of GGG women in the world. When a kinky guy acts like you, fuckhead, it decreases the number of GGG women in the world! Christ! "
(Dan Savage, "Slippery Slopes," The Stranger, http://www.thestranger.com/2004-09-16/savage.html)
Made-up citation: "I am seeking a poop-chute-friendly, dog-excrement-intensive, non-basics-neglecting, plumber's-crack-defying non-hooker-hirer. I also like to cuddle on the couch."
Real citation: "Kinky guys who are lucky enough to find themselves dating or married to GGG women should be considerate, loving, and non-basics-neglecting, so that their wives and girlfriends will talk up the benefits of being GGG to their female friends, thereby increasing the supply of GGG women in the world. When a kinky guy acts like you, fuckhead, it decreases the number of GGG women in the world! Christ! "
(Dan Savage, "Slippery Slopes," The Stranger, http://www.thestranger.com/2004-09-16/savage.html)
Made-up citation: "I am seeking a poop-chute-friendly, dog-excrement-intensive, non-basics-neglecting, plumber's-crack-defying non-hooker-hirer. I also like to cuddle on the couch."
Sunday, February 27, 2005
ball-crushage
noun. A big testicular owie.
Real citation: "SCORE: 5/5 PROS: WHEE!!!CONS: Annoying seat thingy that came up between your legs (potential ball-crushage). Rave in the loading dock."
("Riddler's Revenge," Phuh.com, http://pluh.com/r.php?ID=173)
Made-up citation: "Nothing puts a damper on a picnic like ball-crushage, especially when one is trying to enjoy the fall foliage."
Real citation: "SCORE: 5/5 PROS: WHEE!!!CONS: Annoying seat thingy that came up between your legs (potential ball-crushage). Rave in the loading dock."
("Riddler's Revenge," Phuh.com, http://pluh.com/r.php?ID=173)
Made-up citation: "Nothing puts a damper on a picnic like ball-crushage, especially when one is trying to enjoy the fall foliage."
geekstress
noun. A female geek. Also: geektress.
Real citation: "Hello all! This is Wyrdsister, Raevyn's friend and local computer geekstress. She's asked me to make a little post for her here just updating things."
(Wyrdsister, Nov. 16, 2004, A Raevyn's Tale, http://raevyndaughter.orangeblogs.ca/archives/
2004_11.html)
Made-up citation: "If I ever have a daughter, she will probably be a geekstress, and she will definitely be armed to the teeth."
Real citation: "Hello all! This is Wyrdsister, Raevyn's friend and local computer geekstress. She's asked me to make a little post for her here just updating things."
(Wyrdsister, Nov. 16, 2004, A Raevyn's Tale, http://raevyndaughter.orangeblogs.ca/archives/
2004_11.html)
Made-up citation: "If I ever have a daughter, she will probably be a geekstress, and she will definitely be armed to the teeth."
Saturday, February 26, 2005
pseudo-non-girlfriend
noun. A somewhat ambiguous woman who may or may not be your sorta-girlfriend.
Related terms: pseudo-non-boyfriend, non-girlfriend-girlfriend, non-boyfriend-boyfriend, ex-non-girlfriend, ex-non-boyfriend, ex-dead-girlfriend, ex-dead-boyfriend.
Real citation: "After a brief trip to Rehoboth Beach, DE, to visit my pseudo-non-girlfriend and also a long-outstanding Starbucks, I decided to head out to Prince Frederick, MD, to visit another new store before driving up to Philadelphia for my date with destiny (aka Stefan Fatsis)."
("Hero Worship," March 14, 2004, http://starbuckseverywhere.net/ScrabbleLog_2004_03_14.htm)
Made-up citation: "When I asked Betty Sue to be my pseudo-non-girlfriend, why did she kick me in the ding-ding?"
Related terms: pseudo-non-boyfriend, non-girlfriend-girlfriend, non-boyfriend-boyfriend, ex-non-girlfriend, ex-non-boyfriend, ex-dead-girlfriend, ex-dead-boyfriend.
Real citation: "After a brief trip to Rehoboth Beach, DE, to visit my pseudo-non-girlfriend and also a long-outstanding Starbucks, I decided to head out to Prince Frederick, MD, to visit another new store before driving up to Philadelphia for my date with destiny (aka Stefan Fatsis)."
("Hero Worship," March 14, 2004, http://starbuckseverywhere.net/ScrabbleLog_2004_03_14.htm)
Made-up citation: "When I asked Betty Sue to be my pseudo-non-girlfriend, why did she kick me in the ding-ding?"
manhoodedness
noun. A very macho, manly, hoody, testosterone-engorged quality.
Real citation: "This weekend I became a man...er...not that I wasn't before, but this weekend I completed the time-honored ritual of manhoodedness (is that a word?) by barbequing for my family! Yes, thank you, thank you :D"
(Sept. 6, 2004, Cap'n John's Blog, http://web.pitas.com/capnjohn/9_2004.html)
Made-up citation: "Don't make me prove my manhoodedness by dropping a deuce in my pants."
Real citation: "This weekend I became a man...er...not that I wasn't before, but this weekend I completed the time-honored ritual of manhoodedness (is that a word?) by barbequing for my family! Yes, thank you, thank you :D"
(Sept. 6, 2004, Cap'n John's Blog, http://web.pitas.com/capnjohn/9_2004.html)
Made-up citation: "Don't make me prove my manhoodedness by dropping a deuce in my pants."
Friday, February 25, 2005
assholiest
adj. Used properly, this word describes a major league asshole (or a most-blessed bottom).
Real citation: "Indymedia no more represents "the left" than LGF represents "the right", and I think it somewhat counterproductive to go weighing up the excesses of the loons on both sides to see whose assholes are the assholiest."
(sennoma, April 7, 2004, Electrolite, http://nielsenhayden.com/electrolite/archives/004987.html)
Made-up citation: "At my assholiest, I like to think I am no worse than a bunghole. Well, occasionally a butthole."
Real citation: "Indymedia no more represents "the left" than LGF represents "the right", and I think it somewhat counterproductive to go weighing up the excesses of the loons on both sides to see whose assholes are the assholiest."
(sennoma, April 7, 2004, Electrolite, http://nielsenhayden.com/electrolite/archives/004987.html)
Made-up citation: "At my assholiest, I like to think I am no worse than a bunghole. Well, occasionally a butthole."
ovary-style
adj. Stereotypically, cartoonishly female.
Real citation: "Over at the Bait Shop, a lady singer with really unfortunate hair wails ovary-style. "
(Jessica, "The Second Chance," Television Without Pity, http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/story.cgi?show=112&story=7452&page=12)
Made-up citation: "Strangely, 'ovary-style' and 'ballsweat-marinated' have never been popular types of casserole."
Real citation: "Over at the Bait Shop, a lady singer with really unfortunate hair wails ovary-style. "
(Jessica, "The Second Chance," Television Without Pity, http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/story.cgi?show=112&story=7452&page=12)
Made-up citation: "Strangely, 'ovary-style' and 'ballsweat-marinated' have never been popular types of casserole."
Thursday, February 24, 2005
boobophobia
noun. Fear of breasts. Ah! Breasts!
Real citation: "My boobophobia goes way back. When I was in middle school and needed a little trainer bra, I was too embarrassed to ask my mom for one. I joined the track team, which practiced after school, and I had to cup my nubbins with my hands as I ran laps. That same year, I came home from a dance once rather badly chafed. But that beat discussing my walnut bulges — and the fact that I was changing in ways I couldn't predict or control — with Mom."
(Martha Brockenbrough, "It was the breast of times," Aug. 19, 2002, The Mommy Chronicles, http://mommychronicles.com/story_august192002.shtml)
Made-up citation: "Watching Chesty Morgan smother a man to death with her zip-code-worthy rack would make even the most mammary-minded citizen boobophobic."
Real citation: "My boobophobia goes way back. When I was in middle school and needed a little trainer bra, I was too embarrassed to ask my mom for one. I joined the track team, which practiced after school, and I had to cup my nubbins with my hands as I ran laps. That same year, I came home from a dance once rather badly chafed. But that beat discussing my walnut bulges — and the fact that I was changing in ways I couldn't predict or control — with Mom."
(Martha Brockenbrough, "It was the breast of times," Aug. 19, 2002, The Mommy Chronicles, http://mommychronicles.com/story_august192002.shtml)
Made-up citation: "Watching Chesty Morgan smother a man to death with her zip-code-worthy rack would make even the most mammary-minded citizen boobophobic."
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
clone-worthy
adj. This is used to describe someone with juicy, succulent DNA.
Related terms: bone-worthy, groan-worthy, yawn-worthy, barf-worthy, spew-worthy, spooge-worthy, schlong-worthy, thong-worthy, hump-worthy, bonk-worthy, boink-worthy, lust-worthy, drool-worthy, stalker-worthy, meh-worthy, gah-worthy, ew-worthy, sponge-bath-worthy.
Real citation: "Can you really copyright your DNA? Either you can, or California's DNA Copyright Institute, which secures DNA copyrights at $1,500 a pop for clone-anxious celebrities, is a fraud. (Could clone-worthy celebrities really be gullible?)"
(Peter Suber, Aug. 31, 2001, http://lists.topica.com/lists/suber-fos/read/message.html?sort=d&mid=1604505807)
Made-up citation: "Lena Olin is clone-worthy, sponge-worthy, scrub-her-and-bring-her-to-my-tent-worthy...she's pretty much worthy of whatever you got."
Related terms: bone-worthy, groan-worthy, yawn-worthy, barf-worthy, spew-worthy, spooge-worthy, schlong-worthy, thong-worthy, hump-worthy, bonk-worthy, boink-worthy, lust-worthy, drool-worthy, stalker-worthy, meh-worthy, gah-worthy, ew-worthy, sponge-bath-worthy.
Real citation: "Can you really copyright your DNA? Either you can, or California's DNA Copyright Institute, which secures DNA copyrights at $1,500 a pop for clone-anxious celebrities, is a fraud. (Could clone-worthy celebrities really be gullible?)"
(Peter Suber, Aug. 31, 2001, http://lists.topica.com/lists/suber-fos/read/message.html?sort=d&mid=1604505807)
Made-up citation: "Lena Olin is clone-worthy, sponge-worthy, scrub-her-and-bring-her-to-my-tent-worthy...she's pretty much worthy of whatever you got."
fuckity-fuckbag
noun. Um, a fucking fuckload?
Real citation: "This would be so much easier if I just didn't give a shit and shagged anything that moved. Perhaps this should become the new operational paradigm. ;-)
And my work has gone totally to pot. Must sort this mess out. Fuckity-fuckbags of fuckfull fuckitude.
Right, I'm going to storm around outside and listen to the New Model Army for a bit. Hope your lives are going better than mine. "
(Mr. Tom, Feb. 25, 2002, http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2002/2/25/73118/0950)
Made-up citation: "Do I have class? Do I have class? Dude, I've got a fuckity-fuckbag of class up the ass!"
Real citation: "This would be so much easier if I just didn't give a shit and shagged anything that moved. Perhaps this should become the new operational paradigm. ;-)
And my work has gone totally to pot. Must sort this mess out. Fuckity-fuckbags of fuckfull fuckitude.
Right, I'm going to storm around outside and listen to the New Model Army for a bit. Hope your lives are going better than mine. "
(Mr. Tom, Feb. 25, 2002, http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2002/2/25/73118/0950)
Made-up citation: "Do I have class? Do I have class? Dude, I've got a fuckity-fuckbag of class up the ass!"
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
nose-humping
present participle. This involves two noses engaged in such sweaty, smutty, steamy, sexually-pervy activity that they might as well be fornicating like bunnies.
Real citation: "Our noses grazed. And it was like the most sexually charged nose-graze in the history of nose grazes. It's essentially nose-humping, is what it is."
(Seth Cohen, "The Lonely Heart's Club," Feb. 10, 2005, The O.C.)
Made-up citation: "To give you an idea of how much my Valentine's Day sucked donkey balls, I didn't even get any nose-humping action. Thankfully, donkey-humping action was absent as well."
Real citation: "Our noses grazed. And it was like the most sexually charged nose-graze in the history of nose grazes. It's essentially nose-humping, is what it is."
(Seth Cohen, "The Lonely Heart's Club," Feb. 10, 2005, The O.C.)
Made-up citation: "To give you an idea of how much my Valentine's Day sucked donkey balls, I didn't even get any nose-humping action. Thankfully, donkey-humping action was absent as well."
snip-snippy
verb. Get a vasectomy.
Real citation: "So when things got serious between him and Barros early last year, he decided to take action. They both hated condoms, and Barros had sworn off birth control pills after she experienced bad side effects. "We're in it for the long haul so it made sense to snip-snippy," he says. Barros said she was thrilled. "We both wanted peace of mind as soon as possible," she says."
(Michelle Barros, "Is it hip to snip?" Salon, http://archive.salon.com/mwt/feature/2005/02/07/vasectomy/)
Made-up citation: "I've got my own business--I'll wash your car and snip-snippy your ding-ding for forty bucks."
Real citation: "So when things got serious between him and Barros early last year, he decided to take action. They both hated condoms, and Barros had sworn off birth control pills after she experienced bad side effects. "We're in it for the long haul so it made sense to snip-snippy," he says. Barros said she was thrilled. "We both wanted peace of mind as soon as possible," she says."
(Michelle Barros, "Is it hip to snip?" Salon, http://archive.salon.com/mwt/feature/2005/02/07/vasectomy/)
Made-up citation: "I've got my own business--I'll wash your car and snip-snippy your ding-ding for forty bucks."
Monday, February 21, 2005
super-grope-y
adj. Hands! Hands everywhere!
Real citation: "So Sheridan got “mother” from her eyes and her singing of an old, familiar song. I’ll allow that. But how did Julian get “mother” from the back of a completely different head of hair?! And shut up Julian. You were not a teenager when Katherine “died,” because Paloma was a baby, and therefore your son Ethan was about six years old, and therefore you were almost thirty. Whatever, let’s just watch Katherine get super-grope-y with the gun. Incidentally, Richard Steinmart (hee) had a small appearance in Sunday's premiere of Clubhouse. Like, so small that there's nothing to even say about it. The man had one line."
(DavidK93, "Passions," Sept. 27, 2004, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=164056&view=findpost&p=1982014)
Made-up citation: "Seven out of eight dentists agree that 'super-grope-y' is not a positive trait in supervisors or lepers."
Real citation: "So Sheridan got “mother” from her eyes and her singing of an old, familiar song. I’ll allow that. But how did Julian get “mother” from the back of a completely different head of hair?! And shut up Julian. You were not a teenager when Katherine “died,” because Paloma was a baby, and therefore your son Ethan was about six years old, and therefore you were almost thirty. Whatever, let’s just watch Katherine get super-grope-y with the gun. Incidentally, Richard Steinmart (hee) had a small appearance in Sunday's premiere of Clubhouse. Like, so small that there's nothing to even say about it. The man had one line."
(DavidK93, "Passions," Sept. 27, 2004, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=164056&view=findpost&p=1982014)
Made-up citation: "Seven out of eight dentists agree that 'super-grope-y' is not a positive trait in supervisors or lepers."
princessitude
noun. The very essence and core of a 24-carat, no-questions-asked mama-yama of a princess.
Real citation: "Now here's the dilemma. I want Amy to walk with the princesses cuz they cut through the park and I don't want Amy walking alone through the park cuz of, you know, *whisper* the molesters. There are big fat trees in the park for molesters to hide behind, and you know how much molesters lurve hiding behind big fat trees. Amy could walk with Bailey and Hayley, but they live on the other side and go the loooooong way. I could tell Amy to do that anyway, and she might agree, but she also might lie. It's genetic, hey. I also could agree to drive Amy and the princesses, but that would be rewarding them for their princessitude."
(Paula Light, "Nerds and princesses," Jan. 26. 2005, Ultrablog, http://paulalight.blogspot.com/2005_01_01_paulalight_
archive.html#110677407740725245)
Made-up citation: "Oozing-cyst-itude will put a damper on the princessitude of even the most practiced tiara-wearer."
Real citation: "Now here's the dilemma. I want Amy to walk with the princesses cuz they cut through the park and I don't want Amy walking alone through the park cuz of, you know, *whisper* the molesters. There are big fat trees in the park for molesters to hide behind, and you know how much molesters lurve hiding behind big fat trees. Amy could walk with Bailey and Hayley, but they live on the other side and go the loooooong way. I could tell Amy to do that anyway, and she might agree, but she also might lie. It's genetic, hey. I also could agree to drive Amy and the princesses, but that would be rewarding them for their princessitude."
(Paula Light, "Nerds and princesses," Jan. 26. 2005, Ultrablog, http://paulalight.blogspot.com/2005_01_01_paulalight_
archive.html#110677407740725245)
Made-up citation: "Oozing-cyst-itude will put a damper on the princessitude of even the most practiced tiara-wearer."
Sunday, February 20, 2005
quasi-doltish
adj. Sorta-kinda like a frikkin', freakin', flippin' dolt.
Real citation: "(Aw) is a favorite expression of Walt Disney's quasi-doltish character Goofy."
(Mark Dunn, page 13, Zounds! A Browser's Dictionary of Interjections)
Made-up citation: "If I ran a school, I'd get rid of letter grades and replace them with helpful phrases like 'intellectual giant of our time' and 'to call him quasi-doltish would be generous.'"
Real citation: "(Aw) is a favorite expression of Walt Disney's quasi-doltish character Goofy."
(Mark Dunn, page 13, Zounds! A Browser's Dictionary of Interjections)
Made-up citation: "If I ran a school, I'd get rid of letter grades and replace them with helpful phrases like 'intellectual giant of our time' and 'to call him quasi-doltish would be generous.'"
spokesrat
noun. A rodent who spreads annoying ad copy as well as disease.
Related terms: spokes-fembot, spokesnomad, spokesmonkey, spokescrab, spokesferret, spokesmartian, spokesdoofus, spokesdude, spokesdipshit.
Real citation: "Quiznos ditches its delightful spokesrats for an insipid talking man-baby."
(Seth Stevenson, "Look Who's Hawking," Jan. 31, 2005, Slate, http://slate.com/id/2112786)
Made-up citation: "In most professional associations of snitches, the position of spokesrat is quite prestigious."
Related terms: spokes-fembot, spokesnomad, spokesmonkey, spokescrab, spokesferret, spokesmartian, spokesdoofus, spokesdude, spokesdipshit.
Real citation: "Quiznos ditches its delightful spokesrats for an insipid talking man-baby."
(Seth Stevenson, "Look Who's Hawking," Jan. 31, 2005, Slate, http://slate.com/id/2112786)
Made-up citation: "In most professional associations of snitches, the position of spokesrat is quite prestigious."
Saturday, February 19, 2005
uber-suckage
noun. A big bucket of suck.
Related words: megasuckage, supersuckage, major suckage, suckery, suckitude, su-diddly-uck, suckfest, suckorama, suckapalooza, sucktacular, sucktastic, suckful, semi-suckless, suckism, neo-suckism, suckist, sizzuck.
Real citation: "Ferone has played with Brian Auger (good job), AWB (good job), Clapton (sucked), and now Petty (uber-suckage)."
(spitball, June 4, 2003, http://socs.tstern.com/showthread.php?t=1450&page=4)
Made-up citation: "I've only seen two movies that sank to the lowest of the lowest of the depths of uber-suckage: One Hour Photo and Independence Day."
Related words: megasuckage, supersuckage, major suckage, suckery, suckitude, su-diddly-uck, suckfest, suckorama, suckapalooza, sucktacular, sucktastic, suckful, semi-suckless, suckism, neo-suckism, suckist, sizzuck.
Real citation: "Ferone has played with Brian Auger (good job), AWB (good job), Clapton (sucked), and now Petty (uber-suckage)."
(spitball, June 4, 2003, http://socs.tstern.com/showthread.php?t=1450&page=4)
Made-up citation: "I've only seen two movies that sank to the lowest of the lowest of the depths of uber-suckage: One Hour Photo and Independence Day."
loinliness
noun. Of or pertaining to the loins, perhaps even the loins from which you--yes, I'm taking to you--sprang.
Real citation: "Lol--it is hard to believe she's a product of his loinliness."
(Oct. 3, 2003, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.gossip.celebrities/msg/e5bd065571f04b63)
Made-up citation: "Since both hot monkey love and parenthood are frowned upon in convents, any correlation between nunliness and loinliness is highly discouraged."
Real citation: "Lol--it is hard to believe she's a product of his loinliness."
(Oct. 3, 2003, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.gossip.celebrities/msg/e5bd065571f04b63)
Made-up citation: "Since both hot monkey love and parenthood are frowned upon in convents, any correlation between nunliness and loinliness is highly discouraged."
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