white-knuckle-can’t-put-it-downedness

noun. A reader's infirmity far preferable to paper cuts and plagiarist's elbow.

Related terms: dumb-downed-ness, let-downed-ness, locked-downed-ness, non-look-downed-ness, put-downed-ness, stripped-downed-ness, take-downed-ness, upside-downed-ness, watered-downed-ness.

Real citation: "If you have never read Michael Marshall’s novel, The Straw Men, your life is surely poorer for it. One of the best horror thrillers ever written, it is comprised of two seemingly separate stories: one (told in third person) about a serial killer of children, The Upright Man, and the two people pursuing him; the other (told in first person) a man’s quest to discover a secret life that his recently deceased parents kept hidden from him. The plots are complex and are expertly woven by Mr. Marshall’s terrific prose to intersect at a point of commonality: the Straw Men. It is a novel capable of blending creepy with outright terror with white-knuckle-can’t-put-it-downedness that does not lose an iota of effect even upon re-reading."
(Jeff Marsick, July 16, 2008, Newsarama, http://www.newsarama.com/comics/080716-BSEStrawMen.html)

Real citation: "I'm not a big fiction reader, but I get a kind of white-knuckle-can’t-put-it-downedness when reading certain dictionaries... I wish I were kidding; I'm just a word-licking dictionary-humper to the bone."

palookette

noun. A palooka with groin-bending feminine wiles and face-smashing right hooks.

Real citation: "Most involved—and opinionated—was Roseanne. Earlier in the night, she had climbed into the ring to congratulate female lightweight fighter Christy Martin, who had just stopped palookette Bethany Payne in the first round. Back in the VIP room, Roseanne offered her own formula for livening up the sport: Let men fight women. 'The men don't stand a chance,' the actress declared. Got a problem with that?"
(Nov. 25, 1996, People, http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20142861,00.html)

Made-up citation: "Do you think all women are palookettes or proctologistesses? Discuss your answer in a 500-word essay that shows critical thinking and good penmanship."

buttfacehead

noun. In your face, butthead!

Real citation: "THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T GO IN
- Garbage threads (ex: Wut avatar???, Kill newbz!, Teh kewl chatboxxx)
- High post-count spam threads (ex: word games, Post to a 1000000!)
- Threads degrading other users (ex: Shotgunnova is a buttfacehead)
- Mundane threads (ex: What's your favorite Jell-O pudding flavor?)
- Modview-only threads (this should go without saying, IMO)"
(Nov. 29, 2007, GamesRadar Forums, http://radarnation.gamesradar.com/thread.jspa?threadID=26900&tstart=0&start=20)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'Be sober, be vigilant--because your adversary the buttfacehead, as a roaring lion, walketh about seeking whom he may devour.'"

nether-thingy

noun. 1. A mystical beast. 2. A crotchal beast.

Real citation: "Some of the best weapons are made from deep into either Master Hammersmith, Axesmith of Swordsmith. Though pricy, they are still agrueable the best. The first and second tier only require little 5 manning to get the Primal Nethers. And the third tier will require you to go to a 25 man raid for the Nether thingy."
(March 22, 2007, VN Boards, http://vnboards.ign.com/world_of_warcraft_general_board/b19789/102042918/p2/?21)

Made-up citation: "Bad pick-up line #436: Would you like to see my nether-thingy? Bad pick-up line #437: I'm as horny as a box of rocks."

neo-eco-socio-wacko

noun. A greener socio-wacko than most.

Real citation: "for those of you who don’t know, point break is a bit of celluloid heaven from the 90s starring the ever-emotive keanu reeves as fbi agent johnny utah (not kidding) who goes undercover to crack a ring of surfing bank robbers (not kidding) led by a neo-eco-socio-wacko named bodhi, played by the understated and subtle patrick swayze…again, not kidding."
(March 3, 2008, LAbuzzBLOG, http://labuzzblog.com/2008/03/03/utah-johnny-utah/)

Made-up citation: "Could a psycho-robo-rambo beat up a neo-eco-socio-wacko? Let me consult my trusty batshitometer..."

robo-drool

noun. Oil?

Real citation: "The Space Pumpkin leaps up, he knows the drill
He grins at the thought of a mutant to kill
He blasts off from Mars and heads for the stars
With his jetpack he's faster than a hundred squad cars
He jumps out in front of Astro-Creep's path
and launches an arsenal with a maniacal laugh
Solar spiders and asteroid bats rocket through the ether
Exploding on the ThunderJeep, above and underneath her
But Astro-Creep was far from beat, though he lost his cool
He shoots back nano-slime, laser snot and even robo-drool
Down below costumed kids see aurora borealis
Unaware 'twere an omen of freakyzoidal malice"
(Oct. 30, 2007, Pooing in the Woods, http://homiebear.blogspot.com/2007_10_01_archive.html)

Made-up citation: "As oil supplies run out and robot armies outnumber humanity, it's likely that robo-drool will solve our energy problems in the near future. And if we learn how to harness robo-phlegm...our troubles are over."

hench-poodle

noun. A poodle with minion-ish, goon-type, hoodlum-y responsibilities, which can be so hard to fit in between grooming appointments and pig ears.

Related term: attack poodle.

Real citation: " Perhaps the evil hench poodle threw a bucket of water on her computer!"
(Aug. 30, 2007, Labradoodle Discussion Board, http://labradoodle-dogs.net/forums/post-51981.html)

Made-up citation: "Internationally, Tony Blair is known as George Bush's hench-poodle. In my neighborhood, that title is taken by little Mimi, who weighs four pounds but attacks with the ferocity of a six-pound pooch."

post-traumatic butt-viewing stress disorder

noun phrase. Looking into the mirror is hard enough. Looking into the butt mirror is more than a mere mortal can take.

Real citation: "And I am resolved to NEVER turn my back to a digital camera. There are just some things that a woman should not view, one of which is her backside in snug jeans and a coat that is too short. I probably have PTBVSD (Post Traumatic Butt Viewing Stress Disorder - very unsafe). Maybe I should post it on the refrigerator. Of course, The Temperamental Mr. Bee may wonder why I refuse to go into the kitchen ever again. It would be hard to overeat if one could not bear to open the 'fridge ..."
(Jan. 2004, Bee-Mused, http://www.geocities.com/rblarchives/jan04bee.html)

Made-up citation: "Since losing 30 pounds this year, my case of post-traumatic butt-viewing stress disorder cleared right up. My bippy is a credit to America, unlike those traitors running against me."

Vic Mackey-ish

adj. I can't really discuss this word in a public setting. If Vic knew I talked to you... *shudders*

Real citation: "There's a very Vic Mackey-ish feel to Batman's relationship with Penguin. Needless to say, I like it."
(April 30, 2006, SuperHeroHype Boards, http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=189562&page=49)

Made-up citation: "I left the ballet forever after a reviewer called my arabesques Vic Mackey-ish. Now I embrace the adjective in my new life as a rogue cop who beats the ugly out of dance reviewers and other journalist scum."

North Methistan

noun. A land where the crystal meth flows like honey, like a Beavis and Butt-head lab made by the gods.

Real citation: " Honestly, Fran -- I really think the booze and the grass has fried your brain. You might want to clean up...go cold turkey...see if you can salvage anything. It's not too late, my son. You can still become a useful member of society. Many people in your situation go on to lead fulfilling, even productive lives. You don't want to become a one-man-band, busking on the beach at Venice for crack money. Or maybe you do...I guess that could be fun in its own way. I suppose the world needs crackheads too, just like it needs ditch diggers and garbagemen and stuff. Crack dealers are supporting their families, after all -- the vast illicit crack farms of North Methistan are a bleak place, one of the World Health Organization's hotspots...honestly, any income that makes their lives better is welcomed. So, what the hell, carry on!"
(June 15, 2008, Quarterlife, http://www.quarterlife.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=34431&sid=9a102438174a30b143edc9ccc24fbd18)

Made-up citation: "I've narrowed down my ancestral homeland to three places: North Methistan, East Buttfuckistan, and Pittsburgh. Soon I will know my people and who I truly am! Then again, I'mboredsowhere'sthepornistan is nice this time of year..."

abysmalitude

noun. Not exactly what you were hoping to find in your career or frozen banana treat.

Real citation: " It really brings me down to see people who get paid to write, like Ben Lieberman, come up with titles like 'Energy Policy That Should Have Been Flushed.' It brings me down even more when those titles belong to articles that lack any interesting or relevant content. Presumably, by giving his piece such a crude and unimaginative title, Lieberman wanted to foreshadow the truly abysmal nature of this energy policy. Disappointingly, the article itself never gets around to proving that abysmality...abysmalness...abysmalitude...well, you know what I mean."
(Dec. 27, 2007, Rust Belt Philosophy, http://rustbeltphilosophy.blogspot.com/2007/12/toilet-humor-is-always-funny-ha-ha.html)

Made-up citation: "What abysmalitude is this? How can God allow such abominationitude in the world? Oh, a thousand pardons. I didn't know that was your face."

diamond-tipped-nippled

adj. An important component of vice-presidential candidates, oil-drilling mechanisms, and marauding fembot armies.

Real citation: "Because if you believe what Kudlow believes--that the markets want the Republicans to win, and go down with the prospect of Democrats winning--then this week's Dow losing streak signifies a solidifying consensus among portfolio managers and traders that the McCain campaign is riding to defeat, despite Sarah Palin's diamond-tipped-nippled bravura."
(James Wolcott, Sept. 4, 2008, http://www.vanityfair.com/online/wolcott/2008/09/in-a-performance-worthy-of.html)

Made-up citation: "I'll have a half-caff, non-fat, no-whip, diamond-tipped-nippled latte on wheels. Just don't tell my wife."

sarcasmagoric

adj. Niiiice word. Did you think of it yourself or did you have help?

Real citation: "On the otherhand, for Gnesio-Evangelicals, faith is mediated. By that I mean, faith is mediated by a promise. All the while in Christian life, it is the promise (the Gospel) that drives all of deductions in life. I see this in the case of Abraham, his faith was not immediate, rather it was mediated by a promise (see the above verse). When Abraham was being tried he had no immediate word from God saying "look, all will be ok, relax, you kill him and I will raise him from the dead, OK? Don't worry, be happy". I am being sarcasmagoric but you know what I mean."
(June 3, 2008, Extra Nos, http://extranos.blogspot.com/2008/06/faith-mediated-or-immediate.html)

Made-up citation: "Don't be so sarcasmagoric, pal. I don't have such a trained tongue, but I do have a rabid wombat who hasn't eaten in a long time..."

can't-keep-it-in-my-pants-itis

noun. A condition that spreads like a VD and breeds like bunnies.

Real citation: "David Duchovny: Nice one checking into rehab just as the new season of Californication is set to begin. Please. The only disease you have is can't-keep-it-in-my-pants-itis. Quit pathologizing your cheating—people have been doing it for centuries."
(Judy McGuire, Sept. 3, 2008, Seattle Weekly, http://www.seattleweekly.com/2008-09-03/diversions/star-crossed-lovers.php)

Made-up citation: "Would you prefer a President with can't-keep-it-in-my-pants-itis or couldn't-get-laid-in-a-women's-prison-with-a-bag-of-pardons syndrome? The question is relevant, since Presidents usually possess both pardons and pants."

perma-poop

noun. Some poop passeth. Some poop stayeth.

Real citation: "Our big problem now is poop juice. (When I say, "poop juice" I mean, literally, POOP JUICE. ) When he doesn't sleep all night (which is rare, but does happen), he'll wake early in the morning covered in poop juice. Even when he does sleep all night, he is covered in poop juice. This means I am washing sheets almost every single day and changing his pajamas constantly. I also think my fingers smell like perma-poop. It is disgusting."
(Nov. 13, 2007, Tales of an Ordinary Housewife, http://talesofanordinaryhousewife.blogspot.com/2007/11/poop-juice.html)

Made-up citation: "The day my dog rolled in a pile of horse (or *shudder* man) poo, I feared my shit-covered pooch would forever be tainted with a brown coating of perma-poop. If my life were a Seinfeld episode, I would have given him away that day to prevent a future of crap-flavored doggie kisses. Since my life is actually a Shield episode, I soothed myself by foiling the police bureaucracy and instigating a gang war to protect my family."

muffinward

preposition. A delicious direction, right up there with cookieward and cupcakeward.

Real citation: "The only things that can lure me to the suburbs are sex and Dunkin' Donuts blueberry muffins, which come marbled with exquisite saturated fats like fine Kobe beef.
Sex is far less predictably appetizing, so when you're crossing the city line via surface transit for a questionable encounter with a stranger, you begin to wish you were heading muffinward instead. Nevertheless, this particular muggy June afternoon, I found myself on my way to the suburbs for the non-muffin reason, from Washington, D.C. to the cultural abyss of Rockville, Maryland. I surveyed my fellow bus passengers. Most of them gazed despondently out their windows like freshly convicted inmates being transported to a facility for long-term supervision"
(June 25, 2007, Will Doig, Nerve, http://www.nerve.com/regulars/badsex/022/)

Made-up citation: "You have temped me with your seductive scones of sin. But I shall resist! I will continue muffinward, like my forefathers, not knowing if this world has any muffins or heroes left at all."

Oprah-garchy

noun. Rule by the holiest of the holies, the supreme commander of the earthly realm, the grand poobahette of all women and a few bepenised organisms: Sweet merciful Oprah!

Real citation: "This growing interest in politics has not gone unnoticed at the lair of Oprah Winfrey. Oprah followers have given her a dedicated volunteer base to spread the influence of Obama’s campaign. Wielding her supernatural powers of mind control and weight fluctuation to reign over daytime TV viewers, with her Oprah-garchy."
(April 10, 2008, The Spit Valve, http://www.thespitvalve.com/?p=11)

Made-up citation: "Would you rather live in an Oprah-garchy or a kindergarchy? I'll stick to my warm, familiar crack-pipe-garchy, thanks."

yakketyblog

verb. A form of gibble-gabble, bibble-babble, or twittle-twattle that is everywhere! Not that I would know anything about that.

Real citation: "Tater's main squeeze is out of town for the next week and she SWEARS we're going to 'yakketyblog' as she calls it. I won't hold my breath and neither should you because she's promised yakketyblogging with me before and it's never come to fruition. BUT if it happens, won't we all be pleasantly surprised."
(Sept. 1, 2008, Redneck Diva, http://www.theredneckdiva.com/)

Made-up citation: "I love yakketyblogging with certain friends and countrymen. It's so much better than FTF yakketybarfing."

bunnyhuahua

noun. Half rabbit. Half chihuahua. Half unholy stem-cell hell-critter that is an affront to God and all that is good and right in America.

Real citation: "I am now officially a Bunnyhuahua thanks to one of my My Space friends!!! nite luv y"
(March 20, 2007, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=113359000)

Made-up citation: "I bought a bunnyhuahua, Eleanor; I named it after you. And I haven't washed the tub since that night when you, me, and a ducky discovered the meaning of magic."

green-glowing-nano-slime-ammo-pack

noun. Sounds handy, tiny, and ishy. Pick one up for me at Target.

Real citation: "I changed some parts of the model, added some textures, created a nice scene (complete with energy clips and some nice green-glowing-nano-slime-ammo-packs :blink: ) and totally f**ked up the lights on this one (aargh!!... so bright!!...) :D"
(June 13, 2007, http://www.c4dcafe.com/ipb/lofiversion/index.php/t23334-200.html)

Made-up citation: "Honey, have you seen my green-glowing-nano-slime-ammo-pack? The boss is gonna kill me if I lose another one!"