Friday, March 23, 2012

Ways to further woo the female vote (a leaked Republican Party memo)

Propose massive tax on all "chick stuff."

Refer to sexist, repressive regimes around the world as the Axis of Awesome Bros.

Pay secret-service agents to shark Michelle Obama.

Petition dictionaries to change the spelling of “clitoris” to “clitor-ick!”

Force drugstores to rename Makeup Section the Filthy Prostitute Aisle.

Make up new Bible verses that show Eve was actually made from Adam’s poop.

Declare multiple orgasms unconstitutional.

Add the phrase “Except for the hos” to the Pledge of Allegiance.

Make transvaginal ultrasound a voting requirement.

Start throwing women in Yellowstone volcano “as a precaution.”

Rename Breast Cancer Awareness Month something like Man, God Hates Broads, Huh?

Waterboard all feminists because of the Patriot Act or whatever.

Burn every Jo-Ann Fabric to the ground and salt the earth.

Put something itchy in all bras.

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