The dong-capping, shit-boxing lexicon of @MayorEmanuel

Only 11 pages in, I am already awed by the insanely creative obscenities of The F***ing Epic Twitter Quest of @MayorEmanuel by Dan Sinker. This Twitter feed/book obviously has huge merit in the humor and Chicago-politics departments, but it could rewrite the slang lexicon too.

The new (or at least rare) terms include:

twat-rainbow
snatch-warbler
dong-berries
shit-coffin
shit-scratching
cock-bleeding
cock-handed
twat-cobbler
shit-boxed
dong-capping
fuck-hat
cock-socked
twat-fingered
dick-trimming
shit-sorcerer
cock-soaked
muff-shitting
fuck-tower
dong-fountain
fuck-topper
shit-sad
cock-tard
fuck-smack
shit-coughing
fuck-tank
cock-bulb
Jesus fucking Christ-on-a-Cock

Holy shit-coughing obscenity, Batman! Sinker has, single-fuckedly, added as much to the obscene lexicon as a branch of the military. Good fucking job, sir.

I want to have Neko Case's babies

If you don't know, Neko Case is pretty much the best singer in the history of the universe. You probably know that.

But did you know she is one of the funniest motherfuckers on Twitter? Here's a recent stream of raps she just posted:

"My dicks too tight tonight, gonna take top-prize in a dick-sword fight"

"Hammer dick on the chain, gonna build a come gazebo on your face, McCain"

"My dick is a pontoon boat, you can buy one at Cabella's with a camouflaged coat..."

"I'm washin' balls, what's the commotion?! Theyre displacing all the water in the motherfuckin' OCEAN!"

"My balls has guns and a Loomis guard, cause all the motherfuckin' ladies want my babies so hard"..

"Dick is exhausting to drag around, I use it as a mattress when I gotta lay down.."

"My balls are gi-normous and my frosting supreme, J Lo bought 2 cases to use for face cream.."

Then, she got ladylike:

"I'm a white-hot delinquent with multiple clits, my taco pants fit like oven mitts! FIREPROOF MOTHERFUCKER!"

Read it and weep here.

I love you and your balls, Neko.

Five thoughts about words

Martian word of the year is fgyrggfjhnoooxi—inspired by the kgkgyl-yyyywy scandal.

In Klingon, there is no word for pork pie hat.

Despite my best efforts and boyhood dreams, I doubt my obituary will include the word rootin’-tootin’.

There is no more beautiful word in the English language than bacon-wrapped.

If it weren’t for Daffy Duck, I bet the word despicable would have more gravitas.