fuh-reaky-deaky

adj. Even to a layperson or sedated gorilla, this sounds freaky.

Real citation: "Hmmm...I'll have to check it out, too! i've been lurking on a few boards more lately. Not that I don't love you ladies!! I was looking at the debate board a little while ago about the crazy girly who had like 10 accounts on there and got banned! Fuh-reaky deaky!"
(May 15, 2008, Pregnancy.org Bulletin Board Community, http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboards/archive/index.php/t-301082.html)

Made-up citation: "Do you want to hear something completely, totally, twistingly fuh-reaky-deaky? Well, look elsewhere, pal. I don't go for that sort of thing. Now let me finish this milk and goat's-blood smoothie in peace."

port-o-potty-pocalypse

noun. One of the five worst 'pocalypses in the tri-state area, according to local weatherpeople.

Real citation: "I cry J'ACCUSE and stick my fiery sword of vengeful death into this entire posting! MARTIN!!!!! Don't accuse DDOT of beating a term to death when every neophyte staff writer at DCist gets 'the memo' requiring them to attaches the 'pocalypse anytime (1) anyone offers any free food item or (2) some sort of weather event occurs. To wit:
Free-pocalypse
Burger-pocalypse
Froyo-pocalypse
Ice-pocalypse
Lettuce-pocalypse (seriously???)
Choco-pocalypse
Cupcake-ocalypse (nice phraseology on that one)
salad-pocalypse
beer-pocalypse
ca-ca-pocalypse (Monkey inspired?)
kimchi-pocalypse (targeted at a specific audience)
coffee-pocalypse
traffic-pocalypse
free-pocalypse
inaugural-pocalypse
bindle-pocalypse AND
my personal favorite
the port-o-potty-pocalypse.
I am going to instruct Monkey to poo on the head of the next violator."
(April 14, 2009, DCist, http://dcist.com/2009/04/potholepalooza_over_expect_potholes.php)

Made-up citation: "I don't know which book of the Bible foretells the looming port-o-potty-pocalypse that will threaten all we hold dear, but I'd like to option the movie rights."

non-snot-eater

noun. A consumer of meat, fish, vegetables--heck, maybe even poo--but no nostril monsters whatsoever.

Real citation: "The Heinrich eats snot one is not logically sound.
Only fools eat snot
Heinrich is a fool
.... does not follow that Heinrich eats snot. Because while Fools are the only consumers on the snot-market, and Heinrich is a fool, It does not establish that there could not be a fool who is another type of eater. A non-snot eater. Perhaps a hippo-eater or a sushi-eater."
(Dec. 31, 2007, Will Type for Food, http://willtypeforfood.blogspot.com/2007/12/great-philosophical-debates-presented.html)

Made-up citation: "I've never dated a vegan or non-snot-eater. I wonder what it would be like..."

Pinko-Atheist-in-Chief

noun. That's Mister Pinko-Atheist-in-Chief, thank you.

Real citation: "Most Presidents, including Ike, Nixon, Ford and Reagan, signed a proclamation and got back to work running the free world. W had a big morning interfaith get together with ministers, priests, rabbis, and Zoroasterian clergy, whatever they are called.
So, Slats is going back to the old way, and that makes him Pinko-Athiest-in-Chief for some folks. From the article…"
(May 6, 2009, Roger Grey, Wake-up Call, http://www.rogergrayblog.com/2009/05/06/moonies-smear-obama-on-prayer-day-uh-arent-you-supposed-to-be-praying-for-the-guy/)

Made-up citation: "In this country, anyone can grow up to be the Pinko-Atheist-in-Chief, a bounty hunter, or the creator of a new and horrifying film genre, like mooseploitation. That's what makes America America. Suck on that, rest of the world."

batshit-mentum

noun. A powerful force fueled by inherent whackaloonism and a steady diet of crazy flakes.

Real citation: "If he's picked Lieberman, he'd have Joe-mentum. Instead, he has Batshit-mentum. Weee-doggies!"
(Sept. 8, 2008, The Erin O'Brien Owner's Manual for Human Beings, http://erin-obrien.blogspot.com/2008/09/think-ill-send-urine-sample.html)

Made-up citation: "Few mammals have more batshit-mentum than my dog, who has been cuckoo for crack puffs his whole life and shows no signs of turning to the non-loonball side of the force."

testosto-rage

noun. A Hulk-smashy hissy-snit that starts deep in the gonads.

Real citation: "Back in the mid-'90s, I worked at an FM Top 40 radio station and when I was hired, the program director asked that I use the pseudonym 'Cunningham' because my actual last name sounded too ethnic and was difficult to spell.
So you can imagine my Hulk-like testosto-rage when I read this story:"
(April 9, 2009, Bob Cesca's Awesome Blog, http://www.bobcesca.com/blog-archives/2009/04/grotesquely_stu.html)

Made-up citation: "It isn't easy containing the fiery maelstrom of testosto-rage that boils deep beneath my--uuuuuuuuuurp. Whew, never mind, I feel much better now."

catastro-bleep

noun. Technically speaking, a 4-alarm, 24-carat, code-orange, restaurant-quality catastro-smurf.

Real citation: "Yes. everything going on lately is just one catastro**bleep** after another."
(April 15, 2007, Adult Swim, http://boards.adultswim.com/adultswim/board/message?board.id=2&message.id=18427904&query.id=103583)

Made-up citation: "Dating is a tough business... You never know if a soulmate or a catastro-bleep is around the corner. Plus, if your father was prolific, dating your sister is almost inevitable, and that's enough to make the baby Jesus gag himself with a spoon."

Deady McDeadsty

noun phrase. Deado McDeadski.

Real citation: "Bummer to be us, then. 'Virtuality' -- Deady McDeadsty. And no more 'Dollhouse' for us, I'm guessing."
(May 9, 2009, Maureen Ryan, Chicago Tribune, http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/entertainment_tv/2009/05/dollhouse-omega-finale-fox-dushku-whedon.html)

Made-up citation: "Someday, I will be Deady McDeadsty. Until then, I'll be doing your wife. Sorry, bro."

apoco-babe

noun. She brings tidings of doooooooooom! And a really subprime casserole.

Real citation: "we have so many thoughts in common. i've wanted to do one like this for some time, an apoco-babe, a scoot, and a looming monster amidst a lanscape of highway overpasses."
(March 13, 2009, Flickr, http://www.flickr.com/photos/leonryan/3352528892/)

Made-up citation: "Sorry ladies, but I only date apoco-babes. Commitment issues, I guess."

mom-stitute

noun. Hey, at least I didn't post this on Mother's Day. I have some standards, you barbarians!

Real citation: "If you've read recent-ish Facebook Status Updates, or if you're my mom and have had this discussion with me, you already know that I'm in the market for a Mom-Stitute.
In fact, I think a whole army of Mom-Stitutes are in order. (Before I proceed, I should probably clarify that a Mom-Stitute would be a SUBstitute for a Mom...not anything to do with institutes or prostitutes. Just so we're clear.) There should be a hotline you can call the moment you know you'll be taking a trip down Sick Road, and your Mom-Stitute will arrive promptly to care for your children."
(April 2, 2009, The Rose Garden, http://handbrosegarden.blogspot.com/2009/04/mom-stitute.html)

Made-up citation: "Today's consumers expect every mom-stitute to be a MILF, and every man to be a Batman. No wonder God sent swine flu to kill everyone, except the underground pig-men, who shall reign supreme! USA! USA!"

long-neck-asaurus

noun. A paleo-giraffe?

Real citation: "There was something about the orange crayons. They were always the first to go, like the front line of soldiers in a bloody battle. They didn’t stand a chance against Bill. Tom watched as Bill whittled away another one of the wax sticks with enthusiasm, filling up yet another orange dinosaur. It was big, with elephant feet and vines hanging out of it’s mouth. A long-neck-asaurus or something. Simone had bought them both coloring books at the grocery store, but Bill had already scribbled over his own pages and was now making quick work of Tom’s dinosaur book. Tom didn’t mind. Whatever it took to keep Bill in good spirits was usually worth the cost, and today it was a newsprint coloring book. Today was cheap."
(May 5, 2008, Livejournal, http://reden-reden.livejournal.com/1385.html)

Made-up citation: "Before my current position as exorcist-in-residence for Macy's, I used to kill terrorist-controlled long-neck-asauruses for a shadowy government organization. Now that was a great way to meet women."

non-boom-boom-boom

adj. Melodic--or at least not much like a piledriver administered to my skull by Lou Ferrigno on crystal meth.

Real citation: "I'm not familiar with KLH but Cerwin Vegas are notorious party speakers, loud and cheap, and you can find them in many a frat house precisely for that reason. Not exactly designed for classical, jazz, or otherwise non-thrashy, non boom-boom-boom music that requires solid mids and natural highs."
(March 20, 2005, ecoustics.com, http://forum.ecoustics.com/bbs/messages/1/127802.html)

Made-up citation: "I've made millions in the music industry, penning classic tunes in the boom-boom-boom and non-boom-boom-boom genres. For my next career, I'm giving competitive eating a spin. Mother always told me my stomach was destined for greatness. Or was that my spleen?"

everything-ruiner

noun. A serious buzz shackle. Buzz shackler? I'm not good at conjugating buzzes.

Real citation: "Of course, his choices were Team A: Twitchy and perhaps crazy Dan, and everything-ruiners Jack & Kate. Or Team B: Kick-ass Sawyer, Sure-shot Juliet, Steady Eddie Jin, and his new BFF, Hurley."
(April 30, 2009, "5-14: "The Variable" 2009.04.29," Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3185090&view=findpost&p=11689991)

Made-up citation: "I hate to be an everything-ruiner, but we just nuked your gazebo, which held all that you hold dear. Sorry about that. We're hoping random nuclear incidents jumpstart the economy."

opto-mole-ology-ist

noun. An expert in the opto-mole-ma-logical arts.

Real citation: "'Good luck!' The guy who was with Joe said as he hurried away. 'Yeah, thanks a lot, Kevin!' Joe yelled back to him. 'C'mon, the opto-mole-ology-ist...uh... person's office is right over there.' He led Gabi to the ophthalmologist's office to get get some new glasses. Luckily, she had her prescription with her, since she was a clutz. So she picked out some frames that were exactly like her old ones; plain brown and a rounded rectangular shape. They went up to the counter lady and (Joe) explained."
(June 27, 2008, Gabi's Fanfictions, http://ffsbygabi.blogspot.com/2008/06/beautiful-chapter-5.html)

Made-up citation: "Call the opto-mole-ology-ist! I found an opto-mole in my pancakes."

ham-a-geddon

noun. Mmm.... pork-pocalypse.

Real citation: "It's ham-a-geddon people.
You don't know how long it took me to come up with that pun but anyway apparently we're all going to die from a few bastard pigs. Who knew the thing that would kill us all would be pigs. I'm one of the people who think pigs are cute but not cute enough that I won't eat bacon but cute none the less. Who knew all this time they were just plotting and waiting to release the virus that kills us all."
(May 2, 2009, Super Ally, http://thesuperally.blogspot.com/2009/05/ham-geddon.html)

Made-up citation: "Only one thing can prevent the ham-a-geddon: a baconpire! That's what my Bible says, anyway."

Beelze-whatever

noun. The name that dare not be said, because who knows what it is?

Related terms: Beelze-something.

Real citation: "'Well, that Beelze-whatever was trying to EAT me, and I wanted to deck him in the nose!' She clenched her fist, growling. 'I just started thinking about how much I wanted to SMACK him…' She demonstrated by slamming her fist into her open palm. 'And then…'"
(Jan. 22, 2008, FanFiction.net, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3665108/44/Jackie_Chan_Adventures_Long_Live_the_King)

Made-up citation: "If you meet Beelze-whatever in the woods, don't run! Just pull out your mystical sword and chop the Dark Lord's noggin off. Oh, you don't carry a mystical sword on every camping trip? Guess someone wasn't an altar boy."

dunderwad

noun. The most dunderheaded wad of them all, according to the latest wadological research.

Related term: dunderdoof.

Real citation: "Turning it personal, dunderwad? Yeah, thought so."
(July 7, 2008, L.A. Dodgers, http://www.forums.mlb.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?tsn=68&nav=messages&webtag=ml-Dodgers&tid=93381)

Made-up citation: "Chickens have a reputation as the dunderwads of the barnyard, but their contributions to art and science and lunch have been underestimated for too long."

Snuggie derangement syndrome

noun phrase. A blanket-with-sleeves-related mental disorder that can be alleviated with a straitjacket.

Real citation: "After suffering through that annoying Snuggie commercial today for the umpteenth time, I decided to look online to see if anyone had written about it, and sure enough, I came across this column and this one. The monk-like man eating popcorn reminds me of 'Mr. Atoz' from 'Star Trek' (see above photo); and I always wonder what kind of people would possibly go out in public wearing Snuggies! Anyone else suffering from Snuggie Derangement Syndrome?"
(Jan. 3, 2009, Oyvayblog, http://oyvayblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/snuggie-derangement-syndrome.html)

Made-up citation: "Nine out of ten doctors cannot tell Snuggie derangement syndrome from diabetes of the blowhole. That's because doctors are buttmunches. In your face, science!"

un-crazifying

verb. A difficult process I prefer to circumvent using the exorcism tongs and neuro-spork.

Real citation: "I doubt we’re actually going to feast while un-crazifying me, but I think we should aim for a therapeutic smörgåsbord."
(April 1, 2008, Drunkenatheist, http://drunkenatheist.com/2008/04/01/adventures-in-therapy/)

Made-up citation: "If I had an un-crazifying helmet, I'd add sleeves to it, because a helmet with sleeves would be swanky."

crapfestitude

noun. Sounds crapfestacular.

Real citation: "if you love the writers, maybe there's something more here to get off on. if, like me, you could care less and just want a scary movie, or at least a 'meaningful' movie that actually makes some semblence of sense, ditch this self-involved bullshiit and hope for a new 'candyman III' calibre of crapfestitude to assault your eyes and brain. at least it would be fun even if it was no more scary than the brilliantly titled 'house' (hell, i thought it would be a remake of the awesome horror-comedy of the 80's with william katt. indeed, if you've never seen 'house' with katt in it, watch it instead. come to think of it, that one had katt's character separated from his wife because their son disappeared and was presumed dead, rather like the couple on the rocks. geez, maybe it is a remake of sorts. or slightly ripped-off? who knows? who cares?)."
(Nov. 7, 2008, Rotten Tomatoes, http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/showthread.php?t=656762)

Made-up citation: "My dog thinks it is pure crapfestitude that I am writing and not paying attention to him... But daddy's got to write to pay the bills: organ-harvesting and self-whoring only go so far in this economy."

info-ness-ish-esque-whatever

noun. Mmm... Sweet info-whatsits! I feel sorta kinda informed, yet not really.

Real citation: "I'll try to put some more info-ness-ish-esque-whatever later. Peace"
(Feb. 9, 2009, Of the sea...(blub), http://mandyofthesea.blogspot.com/2009/02/must-update.html)

Made-up citation: "I'm happy to provide the authorities with copious amounts of info-ness-ish-esque-whatever, but I don't know anything about organ-harvesting or bounty-hunting. I am just a poor polar-bear trainer! Haven't I suffered enough?"

metric poo-poo-load

noun. Sometimes the metric system is easy as shit.

Real citation: "a metric poo poo load"
(July 27, 2008, The Something Awful Forums, http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2913918&pagenumber=2)

Made-up citation: "Only a trained proctologist can tell a metric poo-poo-load by taste. Ew ew ew... Also, gah."

snug-non-wedgie-giving-full-coverage

adj. Heavenly--just heavenly--for your ass.

Real citation: "Also, some library books have free patterns (like Sewing Lingerie That Fits has camisol and slip patterns as well as info on how to draft your own snug-non-wedgie-giving-full-coverage sassy underpants)."
(Craftster, http://www.craftster.org/forum/index.php?topic=2790.5;wap2)

Made-up citation: "I agree with Obama's health care plan, except for the snug-non-wedgie-giving-full-coverage provisions. My butthole is picky."

turbo-phlegm

noun. Worse than nano-phlegm. Better than monstro-phlegm. Better than robo-phlegm too.

Real citation: "Dude better give up smoking. He must cough up the most awesome rubber balls of turbo phlegm every morning."
(Sept. 8, 2008, Sidewalk Skateboarding Forum, http://forums.sidewalkmag.com/showthread.php?p=506859)

Made-up citation: "To prevent the swine flu from infesting my household, I am taking two precautions: 1) no more turbo-phlegm casseroles and 2) henceforth, all conjugal relations with barnyard animals will be carefully monitored by the proper authorities. Just trying to do my part."

technobabblegasm

noun. Mmm, sweet gibberish! You're always there for me with your cloaking devices and turbomatrons.

Real citation: "Reading this article gave me a technobabblegasm."
(Dec. 11, 2008, TrekMovie.com, http://trekmovie.com/2008/12/11/bob-orci-explains-how-the-new-star-trek-movie-fits-with-trek-canon-and-real-science/)

Made-up citation: "I just had three technobabblegasms... Man, I need a cigarette and a big dictionary."

jagmuppet

noun. Apparently, an asshole who rides their bike on the sidewalk. Or... a bad, bad muppet.

Real citation: "Yeah, well I don't want to be 'sidewalk-kill' either, so get your bike the hell off the sidewalk. Just today I almost got nailed TWICE by jerkoid bicyclists, and one of them even swore at ME for not watching where I was going! Hey pal, I don't have eyes in the back of my head and neither does anyone else, and in any case I shouldn't have to be on the lookout for bicyclists coming up behind me or beside me. So if you absolutely must be a jagmuppet and ride on the sidewalk where you're not supposed to be, at least warn the people in front of you that you're approaching."
(Sept. 12, 2007, City-Data Forum, http://www.city-data.com/forum/chicago/153136-sidewalk-bicycling-chicago.html)

Made-up citation: "To people of my advanced age, Elmo will always be a rancid little jagmuppet. I knew Cookie Monster, and you are no Cookie Monster."

prophecy-y

adj. Mmm.... Visions-from-God-itude.

Real citation: "Boggs is a lot quicker on the uptake than Scully, apparently, and rather than using his next break to call an accomplice, responds to the planted article by calling Mulder. Oops! So they interrogate Boggs some more, who gets all prophecy-y again about Mulder and blood and a white cross and stuff. Also, there’s cutaways to the kidnapper and the girl this time, so the episode is pretty much screaming BOGGS IS RIGHT ABOUT THIS STUFF in a fairly unambiguous kind of way."
(Dec. 25, 2008, Mulder's Big Adventure, http://muldersbigadventure.com/2008/12/25/ho-ho-holy-shit-its-my-dads-ghost/)

Made-up citation: "Today I am in a very, very prophecy-y mood. In fact, I foresee someone, perhaps myself, eating an entire bag of chicken-wing-flavored pretzels, perhaps on a couch or mystical throne. A giant space blob may also be involved."

catastrophic penis failure

noun phrase. Terrifying tallywhacker tragedy.

Real citation: "A lot of girls consider uncircumcised men to be dirty. Maybe some guys just don't know about proper hygiene? Anyway, I'm uncut and I have yet to experience any kind of catastrophic penis failure."
(Dec. 15, 2007, Digg, http://m.digg.com/health/To_circumcise_or_not_to_circumcise_that_is_the_question?offset=35)

Made-up citation: "What does a man fear more than catastrophic penis failure? Well, giant octo-monsters. That's about it."

whatchama-doo-jobby

noun. A thingama-hoo-whacker.

Real citation: "If Donnah finds a pic of DA in a chenille elastic midriff whatchama-doo-jobby, and posts it, I will go on some kind of rampage, and it will not be pretty."
(Aug. 15, 2008, Florida Cracker, http://www.florida-cracker.org/archives/004504.html)

Made-up citation: "If you're not satisifed with your whatchama-doo-jobby, try our new green-glowing-nano-slime-ammo-pack. Our promise to you: it does not remotely taste like Grandma."

Sataniness

noun. Look deep into the eyes of Satan. This ye shall find. Also, doesn't he have pretty eyes?

Real citation: "Unshaven-ness is next to Godliness.
Clean shaven-ness is next to Sataniness."
(Aug. 17, 2008, Jolt Forums, http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=563327&page=2)

Made-up citation: "I asked Mom about the secret ingredient in her coffee cake. 'Sataniness,' she said with a cackle, before turning into an eight-headed snake monster. Goddamn it, I thought it was cinnamon."

quesadilla-palooza

noun. Oh, the cheese-manity!

Real citation: "Quesadilla-palooza
I've been fairly boring on the cooking front lately. Trying to eat healthier has resulted in a series of meals from Subway, lots of fresh fruit, and little creativity on the cooking front."
(April 11, 2009, The Kitchen Mirror, http://kitchenmirror.blogspot.com/2009/04/quesadilla-palooza.html)

Made-up citation: "The doctor said my crotch itches because of what the medical community calls a quesadilla-palooza of the groinal region. I think I need a new doctor. And a new crotch."

un-diddly-fiddly

adj. Lacking all diddly-fiddly attributes, many of which are illegal in the tri-state region.

Real citation: "All that Olympic torch hullabaloo has left me with a dilemma - How am I meant to enjoy the forthcoming Olympic Games when there's all that rottenness going on in Tibet? How can I justify slavering at the prospect of a month's worth of athletics, when all them monks are being arrested and tortured by the Chinese? How can a man possibly enjoy the gymnastics (in a completely wholesome and un-diddly-fiddly way, o'course) when those evil yellow hoards are rampaging through the Most Spiritual Country On Earth© and pissing on the carpets?"
(Aug. 4, 2008, ITTODBTBIA Looks Into...Business, http://bpperry3.blogspot.com/2008/04/chinese-democracy.html)

Made-up citation: "I would make a great bishop. First, I'd fire all the priests, since they seem incapable of behaving in an un-diddly-fiddly manner. I'd let the nuns pick up the slack--not the diddly-fiddly slack, but whatever else priests do, like community-building, demon-exorcising, and confession-wheedling. Where do I apply, Catholic church? I'm reporting for duty."

en-sad-ifying

adj. Oh, the tears. They are wet. Or did I pee myself?

Real citation: "This rain is en-sad-ifying. Even Mr. Top Hat hates it, now his new ascot is RUINED. ::::::::|:( "
(March 26, 2009, scene missing magazine, http://scenemissing.tumblr.com/post/90024993/this-rain-is-en-sad-ifying-even-mr-top-hat-hates)

Made-up citation: "Gather round, children, for the most en-sad-ifying tale ever told! It's what happened to a panda and a wizard when love had no limits."

spec-tastic-tacular-gasm-worthy

adj. Real good. Real real real real real good. Or better.

Related term: battle-tastic-tacular-gasm-worthy.

Real citation: "The beards have strange magical hypnotizing devices stored away in those spec-tastic-tacular-gasm-worthy muttonchops that just make me swoon."
(Jan. 5, 2009, HoTs on Hooves, link dead)

Made-up citation: "The Bulls win today was kinda spec-tastic-tacular-gasm-worthy... I will now jump on the bandwagon, like the sports whore that I am."

geezer-azzi

noun. Old people taking pictures, probably with a soul jar and a can opener.

Real citation: "I think we need a new type of celebrity photog. We have paparazzi, stalkerazzi, glitterazzi. I am in favor of having some geezer-azzis. Today my At Work Friend and I were talking about how we don't actually buy as much Us Weekly, People and the like because the subjects are usually younger than us. I'm sorry, but they have gotten all High-School-Musical on us, and I just don't like it."
(July 15, 2008, Lipstick at the Mailbox, http://lipstickatthemailbox.blogspot.com/2008/07/geezer-azzi.html)

Made-up citation: "The worst part of living in a nursing home is the geezer-azzi... Second worst is that JFK and Elvis aren't here, like in this movie."

hench-Cylon

noun. Somewhat more sophisticated that a henchape, I reckon.

Real citation: "3. I have zero sympathy for Kendra, and I sincerely hope she is not the final Cylon.
4. If she is then hopefully Tigh will get his hench-cylon Larry to wack her in the head with a pipe."
(Nov. 25, 2007, GWC Forum, http://forum.galacticwatercooler.com/showthread.php?p=7398)

Made-up citation: "Sir, the hench-Cylons are attacking the hench-commissioners! It's a lackey showdown, a minion smackdown, a stooge cage match... Thank Zeus I'm not a hench-anything. As Assistant to the Regional Manager of Hench-people and Were-things, I can take pride in a job well-titled, plus access to all the paper clips and Viking helmets I need."

asshat whisperer

noun. A quiet sage with a popular specialty, even in this economy.

Real citation: "Didn't there used to be some dude on FGI that would comprehend Aske posts and translate them for the rest of us to understand? Some sort of Asshat Whisperer."
(April 4, 2008, Golfhos, http://www.golfhos.com/topic-7418.html)

Made-up citation: "Excuse me, can you put me through to the asshat whisperer? No, it's not for me! I am an assheadface, thank you very much."

ap-sock-alypse

noun. Hmm. Well, at least it's not an ap-underwear-alypse, which is so painful in the business zone.

Real citation: "zombie ap-sock-alypse
This is how you read The Forest of Hands and Teeth when you also have a birthday sock knitting deadline. Because there is no option on not doing the socks, but there is also clearly no option to not read The Forest of Hands and Teeth. As your hands are occupied with sock, The Forest of Hands and Teeth has to be held open with elastic bands."
(April 13, 2009, Throwing Away the Breadcrumbs, http://ajbreadcrumbs.blogspot.com/2009/04/zombie-ap-sock-alypse.html)

Made-up citation: "My new film Ap-sock-alypse Now remakes the famous war movie with sock puppets. If I can get Elmo to play Kurtz, I think he'll get the Oscar (and I don't mean the grouch). That muppet has range!"

turdocaust

noun. Pooageddon time again.

Real citation: "We can only imagine that the combination of college football’s two fecal superpowers–one mythic, one documented–could result in a turdocaust of rogue wave proportions."
(Oct. 24, 2007, EDSBS, http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/category/pudding/)

Made-up citation: "There's a big difference between a turd and a turdocaust. How do I make the determination, far from the resources of the Batcave? Well, a turdocaust is on me in some fashion, perhaps like a cheap suit. A turd is on you in some manner, perhaps like an Easter bonnet."

sandy butt crack syndrome

noun phrase. Sand in the butt-gina is never restaurant-quality.

Real citation: "sandy butt crack syndrome is a very common and dangerous event which if not treated immediatly can lead to 'itchy ass crack for 3 days disease' and 'omg, i just farted and a plume of sand came out my anus'"
(May 15, 2005, Livejournal, http://community.livejournal.com/saucy_ian/757.html)

Made-up citation: "There are many hazards of being a summer camp counselor: toxic lake swims, sandy butt crack syndrome, poo in the pool, felonious co-counselors, and a terrifying fiend of the forest called The Mope. There are even reports of a 'Pope' that supposedly exists somewhere off camp grounds, but I hope that is all hearsay."

un-me-ishly

adverb. What a terrible modifier! It's like a word without sunshine...

Real citation: "Wow. I think I held the spam off for quite a while, with the exception of that thank-you post that was un-me-ishly brief."
(Dec. 23, 2008, Livejournal, http://paatriiing.livejournal.com/52286.html)

Made-up citation: "Everything I do, I do un-me-ishly. That's because I am dark and mysterious and paradoxical and free this Friday (hint hint)."

Weird Al-esque-ness-ism

noun. Well, it beats Hitler-esque-ness-ism.

Real citation: "This is the first time I’ve thought of you as having a certain Weird Al-esque-ness-ism. (and other suffixes as well)."
(Aug. 11, 2006, Jonathan Coulton, http://www.jonathancoulton.com/2006/08/11/thing-a-week-45-mr-fancy-pants/)

Made-up citation: "After our genetic research is complete, no baby will be born with the potential for Weird Al-esque-ness-ism. What a glorious day that will be! We're also making a squirrel that can kill teenagers."

pre-killer-robot

adj. The good old days, when the hills were alive with laughter, not the infernal beeping of marauding killbots.

Real citation: "On reflection, I'm also disappointed in the angels' literalism. All of this has happened before, all of this will happen again, is such a perfect invocation of the cyclic nature of violence, slavery, war, genocide, and all the rest of it. And while we have not yet managed to have a genocidal war with killer robots (that we, uh, know of and stuff) thus far to date, well: hello, angels, history. The cycle lived both in the big killer robot stuff and in the inter-colony disputes (exploitation of Sagittaron) or the misery that was pre-killer-robot inflected New Caprica or in Danny Noon's mangled hands. I seem to remember an awful lot of those cycles, large and small, in human history."
(March 21, 2009, "4-20: "Daybreak Part 2" 2009.03.20," Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3183434&view=findpost&p=11516838)

Made-up citation: "According to a new study, Obama's first term will mark the end of humanity's precious pre-killer-robot era. Hey, we had a nice run..."

despicalicious

adj. Contempti-yummy.

Real citation: "Using Delay to do his dirty work took a lot of chutzpah, though. Consider that the Republican House leader called the recent antigay remarks by Sen. Santorum 'courageous' and has long fought against federal laws to protect gays from discrimination. Here's a guy who doesn't believe in the separation of church and state, lets fat-cat lobbyists write important legislation, serves as a frontman for the gambling industry, was once Enron's best friend, and waged a successful crusade to allow slave-labor practices to continue in the Northern Mariana Islands. That's not just despicable -- it's despicalicious."
(June 5, 2003, Bob Norman, Broward/Palm Beach News, http://www.browardpalmbeach.com/2003-06-05/news/out-with-the-truth-the-epilogue/)

Made-up citation: "My most despicalicious act can't be revealed to the world in a blog... Let's just say organ harvesting and homemade peanut butter are two passions that shouldn't be mixed."

pro-crotchfruit

adj. Children are the something! Teach the house apes well.

Real citation: "Now, I’m not a huge fan of “won’t someone please think of the chiiiiiiiilllldrruuuuun?” paranoia and other pro-crotchfruit propaganda, but let’s think this through for a minute."
(Nov. 24, 2006, Blunt Object, http://bluntobject.wordpress.com/2006/11/24/british-airways-protects-the-children/)

Made-up citation: "Wow, this is a very pro-crotchfruit neighborhood... Strollers everywhere... Store-owners dressed as giant rodents... Free binkies on demand... It's perfect. Time to get out, sweetie! This is your new home. Mommy and Daddy are taking a vacation for forever."

boobistically

adv. Breastologically.

Real citation: "fear factor seems to have a large number of boobistically enhanced women as contestants"
(March 23, 2003, Show the Crackhead some LOVE!!, http://crackheadred.diaryland.com/030323_11.html)

Made-up citation: "We live in a boobistically focused society. We cannot change this, so we might as well make the most of it--by adding perky hoo-has to the Washington Monument."

douchenozzlitude

noun. Only deep in the depths of a code-4 douchenozzle can this quality be plumbed.

Real citation: "And you are a veritable cornucopia of asshattery and douchenozzlitude."
(Oct. 10, 2008, Chiefs Planet, http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?p=5095741)

Made-up citation: "In the divorce papers, my wife cited douchenozzlitude and my pets as dealbreakers. But I cannot change! And I will not give up Earl, Betty, Barney, Cujo, Frank, Alf, and Bonzo, the meerkats who keep me warm in these dark nights of the soul."

politi-dude

noun. A fella like this fella: Gov. Blago-whatsit.

Real citation: "In addition to those state-by-state member numbers, the PPA put out a press release this week announcing its new state directors. Good to see poker players getting more involved in grassroots activity as the politi-dudes looking out for us in Washington DC continue to develop into a real Beltway force. However, there’s one state where the director curiously isn’t named — and that’s Texas."
(March 18, 2009, Pokerati, http://pokerati.com/tag/mike-lavigne/)

Made-up citation: "I thought about becoming a politi-dude, but I'm not sure my program of high taxes, Godless heathenism, and mandatory gay marriage is viable... What if I promise to put stem cells in every smoothie? Would that help?"

robo-scumbag

noun. Shinier and sturdier than a meatbag, though no less chock full o' scum.

Real citation: "What kind of Al Gore-loving Hollywood pinko ever approved this fucking piece of Marxist trash? To start with, why, just look at the titular robot. See those sad, sagging camera-eyes and rusted metal frame? He's filthier than the emo-loving guitarist scumbag that my daughter took to Exeter's prom. In fact, Wall-E himself is a trash bot! That's right, that little robo-scumbag probably turned to a career in trash collection when he, too, couldn't get into Robot Harvard, and neither Wall-E nor my daughter's emo fag can ever expect anything good in life now."
(July 30, 2008, Capitalist Movie Reviews, http://capitalistmoviereviews.blogspot.com/2008_07_01_archive.html)

Made-up citation: "You, my chrome friend, are a robo-scumbag! And as your friend, that doesn't say much for me."

pineapple-ologist

noun. An expert in the only field more delicious than aerospace engineering. Hey, have you ever tasted an astronaut? They are to die for!

Real citation: "Doc Bernstein appears to be Beth Bernstein; this is the only Dr. Bernstein in Bakersfield. She is (you guessed it) a psychiatrist. She has a phone number as well, but unfortunately it answers only to “You have reached the Department of Psychiatry. Please leave a message.” Perhaps tomorrow will bring an answer to another question: does Dr. Bernstein evaluate children or Big Possums? I don’t see why the little ones need to be evaluated (perhaps such intervention is in their futures, if they continue to be exposed to their mother’s apparent illness). Just a thought, but if PMomma’s problems are purely physical (i.e. LUPUS), why not see a rheumatologist, kidneyologist, skinologist, strokeologist, or pineapple-ologist etc. for all of the ailments she has been complaining about all these months? Nope. The court deems she needs a mental headologist, and she agrees."
(Jan. 7, 2009, Musings from the Moon, http://blog.psychic-wisdom.net/2009/01/07/posssums-in-a-pickle-now-aint-she/)

Made-up citation: "My biggest regret? I coulda been a pineapple-ologist, and I woulda, if it weren't for those meddling bounty hunters."

semi-non-normous

adj. Definitely less than a metric bippy-load.

Real citation: "semi-non-normous list of stuff..."
(April 2, 2008, invisionLimits, http://ilimits.ipbfree.com/lofiversion/topic158/)

Made-up citation: "I have a semi-non-normous list of talents... That word just makes me feel better about myself than 'diddly-poo' and 'zilcharoonie,' which were harshing my resume's mellow."

Monday-y

adj. Mega-ugh-y.

Real citation: "Just as she got them all settled, a couple of sheets slipped through her fingers and - Awww, shoot! - went spiralling under the bed. I hate Mondays, she groused, setting the rest of the papers on the bed and lying flat on the floor to reach the wayward leaves. But most especially Mondays that pretend to be Tuesdays on the calendar but act all Monday-y when you get to them and then - hey, what's that?"
(June 23, 2005, SpaceBattles.com, http://forum.spacebattles.com/showthread.php?t=84827)

Made-up citation: "I don't know why I hate your face so much... Maybe it just seems so Monday-y, like I'm going to have to look at a series of catastrophic faces all day, or all week, or for the rest of my miserable life. Yeah, that's it. So how was your weekend?"

schmobotomy

noun. A Yiddish lobotomy. Lox is optional.

Real citation: "'economy, schmobotomy'??? You sound like an ostrich with his head in the sand. Not saying it isn't normally sparse at the beach, but facts are rolling in from governments which track the income from late summer and early fall . . . it's evident tourist areas have already dropped noticeably and will continue to drop. And when this second wave of the crisis hits and the markets continue to drop, the outlook is going to be real dismal for next summer."
(Oct. 26, 2008, Outer Banks Message Board, http://www.visitob.com/Community/MessageDetails.aspx?TopicID=1&MessageID=7441)

Made-up citation: "I don't know where you got your information, but I don't perform schmobotomies in my gazebo! But--wink wink--for a small fee, I could do a schmexorcism if you are older than 17."

gonerette

noun. A soon-to-be-corpsette.

Real citation: "She's a Man U fan for life man! She'll only ever become a gonerette ... over (your) dead... oh well, your dead team *heh heh*"
(Oct. 6, 2006, A Singapore Gooner's Highs & Lows, http://sggooner.blogspot.com/2006/10/mr-blogs-glossary.html)

Made-up citation: "Victims of Profound Necro-female Disorder not only wish to be women, but they desperately want to be gonerettes. Fortunately, this rare and horrific disease only exists on this blog, where I just made it up."

Chidorkiedoodlepookin

noun. It's either a dog or somebody's been playing with my stem cells again... I told you kids to stay out of the evil lab!

Real citation: "You mean I paid $6,000 for my Purebread Chidorkiedoodlepookin and now you're telling me it's just a mutt???"
(2008, Yahoo Answers, http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080228111149AAsWg86)

Made-up citation: "Will you please put your Chidorkiedoodlepookin on a leash? It's scaring my swaddling infant, and our Australian schnauzer-doodle-whatever-poo isn't much protection."

beer-tastrophe

noun. Don't cry over spilled beer? I'm weeping and barfing just thinking about it...

Real citation: "But Baby Mamma backed into The Waiter and he was carrying a tray full of freshly drawn beers. Fortunately he was quick on his feet and avoiced a beer-tastrophe, but his smile was little more than a transparent look of frustration. A look that the entire restaurant would soon take on because every 10 minutes there was a Darling baby fly-by and even though Darling Baby was darling and drooly and dimple-y, Baby Daddy and Baby Mamma didn't have the good sense to sit down and eat like normal people."
(March 27, 2008, Diary of the Food Whore, http://www.thefoodwhore.com/archives/2008/03/wandering_minst.html)

Made-up citation: "I live in fear of beer-tastrophes, which is why I drink all my beer out of a sippy cup. The binkie is for moral support."

baked in stupidity sauce

verb phrase. A great recipe for duh and guh and huh?

Real citation: "Maybe that's splitting hairs. After all, the Colonists all deciding, 'We must give up anything resembling technology!' was just flat out baked in stupidity sauce. I thought it was pretty clear that their answer was a sad, grasping, and desperate as Tyrol killing Tory in the name of someone who he once ranted about pretty convincingly as being the option he took because he had no others. It felt to me like Lee deciding that "We suck too much, still. Even after all we've been through, I don't think we're capable of changing enough to not start killing each other." Hence the sprinkling the population all over the globe."
(March 21, 2009, "4-20: "Daybreak Part 2" 2009.03.20," Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3183434&view=findpost&p=11516967)

Made-up citation: "Most new ideas are baked in stupidity sauce, but have you thought of this: Let's train leprechauns to fight cockroaches, and then sell tickets. While the dudes are watching and high-fiving, we sleep with their wives and sell their children. Finally, with everyone distracted, we nuke the planet. Pretty sweet, huh? That's the end of phase one."