Sunday, September 30, 2007
Real citation: “And in what universe would the girlfriend of one of the scientists ever be a candidate for nano-bionic-Whateverization? 'Plot-device-ocytes', hee! Dr. Boyfriend came through so completely unscathed, I was sure he and Starbot had cooked up the plan together.”
(Sandman, “1-1: "Second Chances" 2007.09.26,” Sept. 27, 2007, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3159429&view=findpost&p=8897517)
Made-up citation: "The same nano-bionic-whateverization process Starbucks uses to brew your coffee can now be used to brew your soul. By brew, I mean harvest. Mmm....raspberry mocha soul."
Real citation: “Thanks to everybody for the comments re: the infestation of my future mother-in-law's computer. Now I don't feel like such a doofus -- maybe just a doofuslet.”
(Kim, Jan. 10, 2005, Ramble Strip, http://www.ramblestrip.com/blog/2005/01/caribooooooooo.html)
Made-up citation: "Honey...so what if our first begotten son is a dim doofuslet? The next product of our loins shall rule the world with an iron fist and a dinosaur army! I already picked out his first bunker."
Friday, September 28, 2007
Related terms: poocockapoopoo, poopoopoocock.
Real citation: “Awwww, but if she's 3/4 poodle it should be a cockapoopoopoo. NT”
(Feb. 5, 2007, Animal House, http://forums.jokersupdates.com/ubbthreads/showthreaded.php?Board=animalhouse&Number=5117968)
Made-up citation: "Please adopt these cockapoopoopoo puppies, who are so ashamed of their breed. Give them a home and tell them they're beagles or big hamsters."
Real citation: “Bigfoot could be an ancestral whale. I mean, how much evidence do we have, you know? Lots, yes, but enough to classify the thing(s) already? Bats look kinda birdish-y, but they AIN’T BIRDS. Whales (speaking of Bigfoot;-) ) look kinda fish-ish-y. BUT THEY AIN’T FISH.”
(May 19, 2006, Cryptomundo, http://www.cryptomundo.com/cryptozoo-news/hominx/#comment-5030)
Made-up citation: "Thankfully, the salmon in this morning's bagel and lox could not be described as fish-ish-y or lame. It moved me, and I don't just mean my bowels. Thank you, Odin, for my succulent salmon, this sweet merciful fish, who must have swam downstream from heaven. Or Valhalla, whatever."
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Real citation: “i went for a haircut, and it was terrible i practically screamed and glared at the fuckpork who destroyed my hair, only to come out weeping like an idiot.”
(Jan. 9, 2006, http://tanmeili.blogspot.com/2006/01/if.html)
Made-up citation: "According to linguists, zoologists, and sex columnists, a 'drooling fuckpork'--as they say in the tristate region--has not necessarily known a hog Biblically."
Real citation: “Also, the two younger kids, played by alien-like child actors Spencer and Abigail Breslin, are sitcom kids, supplying tart rejoinders and awwwwwww-itude respectively (older sister, played by Hayden Panettiere, isn't much better, but at least her character's grounded in some level of reality).”
(May 11, 2004, http://www.opal-films.com/filmdribble/index.blog/309207/raising-helen-12/)
Made-up citation: "When Lucy the 4-pound min pin puppy tried repeatedly (and failed repeatedly) to grab a tennis ball with her mouth, the sheer awwwwwww-itude left onlookers with brain-melting cutegasms of joy."
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Related terms: batshit loony, batshit whacko, batshit insane, batshit nutty, batshit nutso, batshit-deranged, super-batshit-insane, pre-batshit-insane, completely-fucking-batshit-insane, batshit-fucking-crazy, batshit-sounding, non-batshit, pre-batshit, anti-batshit, batshittery, batshititude, batshitologist, batshitometer, holy batshit, batcrap, batpoop, batfuck.
Real citation: “Also, can I non-batshitly recommend a book to you? It's called Blue Like Jazz...the guy has the same problems with Christianity as I do and is absolutely hilarious to read.”
(June 19, 2007, http://undying-rose17.livejournal.com/315986.html)
Made-up citation: "There's just no way to non-batshitly recite a sincere ode to your mom, the Jesus, and some leprechauns. However, I applaud the effort."
adj. Not characteristic of the most Harvard-bound knife in the drawer.
Related term: dumbotic, dumbolic.
Real citation: “Thats just dumbiotic ..No need for energy drinks..they taste like crap if you have good health. If your body is weak and ruined than you probably wont mind drinking crap. Those who are healthy do mind what they drink.
(Aug. 29, 2007, http://www.gamespot.com/pages/forums/show_msgs.php?topic_id=25884643&page=1)
Made-up citation: "Buy my new DVD: Women are Lesbionic, Men are Dumbiotic: Why Deathbots Will Inherit the Earth."
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Real citation: “PsychoStache”
(Aug. 19, 2007, http://flickr.com/search/?q=psychostache&w=73601817%40N00)
Made-up citation: "How did you know I was the culprit? Was it my psychostache? Or did the dungeon of virgins tip you off?"
Real citation: “I think you might have a polterdog...They are similar to poltergiests, you know take things, move things around-but polterdogs also chew things up--i would look into polterdogs before blaming an innocent pup!...”
(Oct. 1, 2006. Dogster Forums, http://www.dogster.com/forums/Behavior_and_Training/thread/351465)
Made-up citation: "Could my dog's inexplicable bow-wowing be directed at an invisible, sinister polterdog? Oh, it's just his reflection in the window. Doh! "
Monday, September 24, 2007
Related term: boobamaphone.
Real citation : “skankamaphone is a word in my world. yup yup. it's my favoritest invention ever. someday it shall be in the dictionary...maybe.”
(wonkykitten, April 5, 2002, deviantART, http://cucumber110.deviantart.com/)
Made-up citation: "I love Emily Dickinson. My favorite poem is the one where she rhymes 'skankamaphone' and 'sardonica bone.' What do you mean that sounds like all of her poems?"
Real citation: “kitty is away at the vet's for a couple of days, getting a checkup on his injuries and a ballsac-ectomy.”
(May 23, 2007, Quiver of Eros, http://quiveroferos.blogspot.com/2007/05/rococo-bits.html)
Made-up citation: "Thank you for applying to be a member of the Democratic party. Please walk this way, and we'll provide you with a mandatory ballsacectomy and a complimentary hat."
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Real citation: “Interests: 32: aft, afting, ass full throttle, bath tubs, berries n' cream, butterflies, candles, crying, hard thrusting!, hobbit sex, hobbitcest..."
Made-up citation: "If I'm elected, I will oppose all forms of filth and perversion, including hobbitcest and men who don't wash their hands after peeing."
Real citation: “Captain Atom. I got my hands on some Armageddon Annuals from 1991 and really got the feeling that Monarch coulda been somebody. He could bena contendah! But, they made him Hawk instead. Hawk, a character on the same level as Guy Gardner on the Jackassometer. But, who knows, maybe they'll do a hypertime where Monarch is revealed to be Captain Atom.”
(Justin M. Campbell, Jan. 30, 2004, http://forum.newsarama.com/archive/index.php/t-8601.html)
Made-up citation: "Items that are useful in cities: smoothie maker, stun gun, portable jackassometer, cruelty-free ball-waxer, pocket-size weapon of mass destruction."
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Related terms: craptasticish.
Real citation: “Actually we did meet up when we exchanged Yearbooks. I think we both had craptacular-ish days, and pictures completely slipped my mind!”
(Oct. 21, 2006, Freshmen Message Board, http://www.freshmencomic.com/messageboard/viewtopic.php?t=948&sid=2e923820bae5a3f61386e707cd58535f)
Made-up citation: "You say, 'Totally craptacular-ish.' I say, 'That's my sister!'"
Real citation: “I happen to agree with this statement. But don't tell any dopey Christwad it's "just a tree" that we could all do fine with or without.”
(Dec. 13, 2006, http://forums.thestranger.com/showpost.php?p=28696&postcount=20)
Made-up citation: "I wouldn't date a Christwad or Allahwad. However, I am open to selected romantic overtures from Jew-wads, Buddhawads, spiritualwads, and Odinwads."
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Related terms: pigeon-bepooped.
Real citation: “At least the local news guy has to leave his desk. The cat-bepooped drifter's opinion may not be more valuable, but I appreciate the effort. The fact that the US's de facto newspaper of record, the Washington Post, quotes Amazon reviews is yet another thing to add to the Proof of Civilization's Decline list. But the McRib is back, so it's not all bad.”
(Jan. 12, 2005, http://www.trackpads.com/forum/1592040-post8.html)
Made-up citation: "This beer is amazing. Let's look at the label: Crisp hoppiness. Musty sweetness. Triple-fermented. Subtly cat-bepooped. Robustly grandmother-scented."
Real citation: “I had thought of that already, but it's was too late. I saw that the PS3 had a limited edition. Oblivion has been keeping me occupied on my PS3 lately. I didn't mean to come off as Tamponistic, I just miss my 360 and and my normal droogs that I hang with.”
(May 3, 2007, Video Game Forums, http://www.video-game-forums.com/action-shooter-game-discussion/59295-spider-man-3-360-a-4.html)
Made-up citation: "A new study reveals that men are just as tamponistic as women. The genius of men is we do it without the tampon. The genius of women is that they don't kill the men, lop off our heads, scoop out the brains, and eat ice cream out of our skulls."
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Real citation: “As you know I am buttily challenged, so I'm gonna say no.”
Made-up citation: "Discrimination against the buttily challenged goes against everything this country stands for: truth, justice, and the bootylicious way."
Real citation: “I'm not sure how I feel about this...Apparently I am quite antisocial and have the sleeping characteristics of intestines. Not exactly how I'd describe myself. Plus when I sleep I am all stretched out and these people are all fetal positiony.”
(June 2, 2006, cheeky geek, http://cheeky-geek.livejournal.com/)
Made-up citation: "Biff, how are we going to have sexy intercourse if you stay all fetal positiony? And why are you weeping?"
Monday, September 17, 2007
Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, sexual-geniusdar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, big dick-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money-dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, jailbaitdar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, dorkdar, skankdar, freak-dar, ass-dar, asshole-dar, asshat-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, someone-is-staring-at-my-ass-dar, “Jesus Freak” dar, zombie-dar, fake-boob-dar, dogdar, catdar, ratdar, camel toe-dar.
Real citation: “lol Scorp I know exactly what you mean..i call it crotchdar. Even if i don't wanna see it, if its there and its obvious i will look.”
(May 8, 2007, http://www.hiphoppoetry.com/vB/showthread.php?t=32828&page=7)
Made-up citation: "If God didn't want us to people the earth, he wouldn't have given us alcohol. Or crotchdar."
Real citation: “As much as I love Alexis right now, I'm dreading the inevitable inflation of her chest to EPIC proportions. She looks so distinct right now, so non-fuckbot, that I hope she doesn't change her look. It's great!”
(Jan. 9, 2006, http://board.freeones.com/showthread.php?t=6602&page=3)
Made-up citation: "Fuckbot or non-fuckbot? That's the question facing educators and parents in Switzerland who have lost their minds."
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Real citation: “Hi. I miss yer turdfacehead.”
(June 26, 2007, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=18021624)
Made-up citation: "I am not the turdfacehead, sir. Your face is the turdfacehead. And I slept with your wife."
Related terms: bonership society.
Real citation: “Got the homestead paperworks filed, which marks the last stamp on home-bonership. We can now safely file taxes next year. Next step? Driver's licenses. (Maybe this time I won't wear a turtleneck)”
(Nov. 24, 2004, http://happychristmasbaby.blogspot.com/2004/11/masochistic-turkey.html)
Made-up citation: "My goals are simple: fatherhood, home-bonership, and eating a ball of cheese the size of my head."
Related terms: Fortress of Placentatude.
Real citation: “He's getting into her Fortress of Moistitude.”
(Oct. 18, 2005, Defamer, http://defamer.com/hollywood/warner-bros/this-week-on-smallville-clark-gets-to-third-base-208567.php)
Made-up citation: "If you've arrived at this website yearning for images of boobamaphones and an occasional Fortress of Moistitude, I'm very sorry."
Real citation: “The proposed unit of Squickliness is the milliWinger, named for furry artist Doug Winger. An alternative unit is the Shudder, equal to the number of milliseconds the victim shudders after encountering the squick-inducing image or concept.”
Made-up citation: "Squickliness is in the eye of the beholder, according to the skullfucker."
Friday, September 14, 2007
Real citation: “Completing the Golden Celebutwit Triumvirate, the Lindsay Lohan report:”
(Feb. 2, 2007, http://www.azcentral.com/blogs/index.php?blog=182&m=2007&w=4)
Made-up citation: The golden celebutwit triumvirate is competing against the holy trinity of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit tonight on Fox. The outcome of the drinking contest is a no-brainer, but we're expecting intense competition in lacrosse."
Real citation: “If you deny this Jeebusology is not a religion than you're saying it's a cult.”
(April 7, 2007, Church of Jeebus, http://churchofjeebus.com/worship/index.php?topic=12.60)
Made-up citation: "Christianity asks, 'What would Jesus do?' Jeebusology asks, 'Is our children learning?'"
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Real citation: “Although I found the whole conjugal-visit-interruptus funny, I seriously do not need to see the two of them having sex again. Ever. That was really an "OH MY EYES!" experience for me.”
(bahamarita, Aug. 2, 2006, “Rescue Me,” Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3130552&view=findpost&p=5767343)
Made-up citation: "Many problems plague our prisons. Conjugal-visit-interruptus and inadequate art classes are not high on the list."
Real citation: “Yoshi is putting the 'samurai' back into 'samurailicious'.”
(April 30, 2004, Grouse Archive, http://grouse.net.au/sites/archive.php?a_month=4&a_year=2004)
Made-up citation: "Friends describe me as erudite, worldly, samurailicious, pungent."
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Real citation: “Even if you love All Things Potter, it's hard not to be tired of Harry Hype. Obviously, it's not Harry Potter's fault that his bespectacled face is everywhere you turn, on every tv screen, book- and toy-store window. He's only 11. And fictional. And, sadly, so's the Evil One Who Shall Not Be Named And Who Gave Harry the Lightning Bolt Scar And Killed His Parents, that gone-to-the-darksidey wizard named Voldemort.”
(Cynthia Fuchs, PopPolitics, http://www.poppolitics.com/articles/2001/11/19/The-Harry-Hype)
Made-up citation: "Ignore my black clothing and new, gone-to-the-darksidey, British accent. That's not blood on my hands; it's boogers on your brain!"
Real citation: “I like it, although it's kind of un-starletish.”
(Feb. 16, 2006, Sway Forum, http://www.swayforum.com/viewtopic.php?p=21466&sid=c0ce57e167abc46a3837106b24911a8c)
Made-up citation: "My daughter is un-starletish; that's true. But at least my son is un-multiple-felon-ish, for the moment."
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Real citation: “Cannibal Crapocaust…Err, Holocaust”
(June 25, 2006, http://www.samwilkinson.org/2006/06/25/cannibal-crapocausterr-holocaust/)
Made-up citation: "When you leave the bathroom, all that remains is a crapocaust fit for neither man nor beast nor bot. When I leave the john? All is minty and springtime and puppies and songs by Blondie and Elastica, along with heavenly apparitions."
Real citation: “Well, We Somewhat Resuckified”
(May 11, 2003, Nerdland.net, http://www.nerdland.net/news/archive.php?date=2003-05-11)
Made-up citation: "Our love lasted decades, until one day, it came up turds. Then we rekindled our passion, but slowly it resuckified. When she mashed my knee with a cinder block, I knew it was over."
Monday, September 10, 2007
Related terms: Greco-creepo.
Real citation: “who is taking all the pseudo-creepo wannabe-booty shots of the jesus girl??? something just don’t sit well with this one.”
(March 19, 2007, The Bastardly, http://www.bastardly.com/archives/2007/03/19/bastardly-lady-of-the-day-kasey/3/)
Made-up citation: "A priest licking a squirrel's nuts is pseudo-creepo. A priest licking an altar boy's nuts is mega-creepo. A priest licking his own nuts? That's a hero."
Real citation: “Like Kateri, I think that there would be more fathers than shitheads (and as a child of a shithead and stepshithead, I feel that this would help keep the shitheads out of the kids lives). Can you imagine the positive influences REAL men, fathers, would have on the development of the children?”
(April 3, 2006, http://wetfeet.typepad.com/wet_feet/2006/04/more_marriage_t.html#comment-15739256)
Made-up citation: "My parents never divorced, so I've been deprived of the pleasures of stepshitheads. All my neuroses are undiluted, weapons-grade, DNA-soaked, straight from the source."
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Real citation: “Absolutely. I'd be surprised if all the members were in on this caper. Their website shows 9 members, so that would be a haul of $1.66 or so per member, if they were all aware. I haven't kept track of the membership in Midnight Traffic, but it seems they've had a douche in their midst since pretty much the beginning. From weird sour grapes crap and shitty comments on here about other bands, to this mess... I think the members of Midnight Traffic need to get together and clean house. They need to perform a douchebagectomy and toss the member or members that put them in this drama all the time."
(Sept. 18, 2006, http://chautauquaamp.com/index.php?content=forum&topic=Thank%20You!&amp;page=forum)
Made-up citation: "Whether you call it an impeachment hearing, a douchebagectomy, or a national colon-cleanse, it's time to do something about Captain Kangaroo--er, make that Commander Cuckoo-Bananas."
Real citation: “Not a shining testimonial to the intellectual acuity of our ruling class. Unless you've actually served on a jury, you have no insight into the thought processes of the jury that can be formulated from watching on TV or sitting in the courtroom, no matter how well you think you can decode facial expressions, hand fidgets, coughs, nervous laughter. Just remember how the consensus view of the trial watchers was that Martha Stewart would be acquitted--when the verdict was announced, all those legal pundits looked as if they had been haddock-smacked. Still, I would have thought Murdoch was smarter than to fall for Steyn's wishful ebullience.”
(James Wolcott, July 21, 2007, http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/blogs/wolcott/2007/07/as-memory-serve.html)
Made-up citation: "I was absolutely haddock-smacked as I watched Jed the shih-tzu drag his post-poop ass along the sidewalk, making the pavement his personal toilet paper. Thank you, Odin, for this window into our evolutionary past!"
Real citation: “Not to mention the possible situations: public wanking! Shower wanking! Prefect's bathroom wanking! Dormitory wank! Wankcest! Lessons in wankology! Broomstick wankage. Wandwank. Pre-Quidditch jitterwank. Detention wank.”
(“The Harry Potter Wankathon,” http://community.livejournal.com/hp_wankathon/profile)
Made-up citation: "You children should never take candy from strangers or respond to online ads for jitterwankers. They also should avoid licking nuclear weapons without parental supervision."
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Real citation: “When you suspect all your toadies are in place and all your schemes are ready to be put in to action, then and mostly then is it time to wet your short pants in terror as I drop from the heavens like God's righteous stool to vanquish each and every one of you -- except of course for Jen, who sought lo but to talk sense into those who would not know of sense were they to take sense into components and reassemble sense so as to know of every interaction of the organs of sense and STILL they would not know of sense, and so while logic and proportion may to them fall softly dead I appreciate the efforts and spare any of the aforeandstillandforawhiletobementioned doomery and agoniziation from besmirching her -- but the rest of you nematodes better learn to breathe the black breath of blood as there is nothing left for your or your daemonic cult but the most poopitudinous of poopery! Writhe in the diaper pail of your shame!”
(Darren, Feb. 11, 2007, http://tribes.tribe.net/darrenbaulermustdie/thread/ec2955c6-fc65-4473-8cfd-c36cdbbfd30f)
Made-up citation: "At 4-6 dumps a day, my dog is poopitudinous indeed. However, in a pooping competition, his tiny, ladylike poops would be dwarfed by the mega-asteroids launched into space by larger canines."
Real citation: “Lucky for us all, I've located a man who calls himself ‘a serious student of flip-flopology.’ He's Edward Tenner, of Plainsboro, N.J., and, quite possibly, the nation's pre-eminent author on the subject.”
(Ellen Warren, June 2, 2005, Chicago Tribune, http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/shopping_ellen_warren/2005/06/the_sole_of_sum.html)
Made-up citation: "A smart scientist at a local research university said the new Department of Flip-flopology is sure to win large grants and lure bright students. Then again..."
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Real citation: “"Yeah, the Scarecrow already said that." The blonde Slayer glowered at her two ex-Watchers, hands planted firmly on her hips. "Let me get this straight. You want me to forget that I saw Faith run a stake through the Deputy Mayor, not to mention all the things she did to me, my friends, and my family, just so she can get out of jail and --what?--continue her homicidal maniac-y ways across the country?"”
("Watching and Waiting Parts 3 and 4," http://members.fortunecity.com/rdhnp/id120.htm)
Made-up citation: "You say 'homicidal maniac-y;' I say 'homicidal sweetheart-y.'"
Real citation: “Any anime nerd worth their weight in Pocky has seen Evangelion, the prototypical brainfrak anime that fans cite when they want to show how much deeper Japanese fare is than, say, Jackie Chan Adventures. Now you can get your own NERV-inspired mouse, complete with NERV leaf, red laser glow and Apple-ish design.”
(Jason Chen, Feb. 14, 2007, Gizmodo, http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/anime/)
Made-up citation: "How many branfraks must a man endure before you can call him a neurodoublefucked nitwit?"
Monday, September 03, 2007
Real citation: “what is the compound? Can you get it in non-bunghole formula?”
(July 18, 2007, Anabolic Review, http://forums.steroid.com/showthread.php?t=308770)
Made-up citation: "Caution: Non-bunghole breath mints are not recommended for use in the bunghole region or during pregnancy."
Real citation: “They just get in line and take a number. Then it's "Who's doin' (insert rich-himbo-wannabe name here) this week?”
(Nov. 8, 2006, Daily Blabber, http://dailyblabber.ivillage.com/entertainment/archives/2006/11/hiltons_v_olsens_take_two.html)
Made-up citation: "If God had wanted rich-himbo-wannabes to inherit the earth, he would've rained gasoline, lit a match, and farted."
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Real citation: “Like everyone else, I suspected something was up with Johnny the moment I saw that Dean Winters had been added to the main credits. Then the hints about Janet's new boyfriend sealed the deal. That, plus Deer/Maggie are a bit too quasi-incesterrific for me, but I can deal if it means more Shirtless!Dean. Mmm, yes.”
(wisteria, “Rescue Me,” May 30, 2006, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3130552&view=findpost&p=5378201)
Made-up citation: "If you're looking for quasi-incesterrific headgames and a bottomless cup of crack, then you can lean on me, Winston."
Real citation: “The camera guy, meanwhile, has turned up at the same time, and he's been up on ladders, ascertaining the extent of the blow-uppiness of my cameras, which have, remember, been down since FRIDAY NIGHT, and it's now 11am MONDAY.“
(March 29, 2007, http://crankywen.livejournal.com/28220.html)
Made-up citation: "My favorite part of fighting crime? Maximizing the blow-uppiness of lowlifes and thugs."