kaboomology

noun. The science that makes boom and bam and kerpow and kablooey and ouch.

Real citation: “I'm not a forensic expert with a PhD in Glock kaboomology so I understand your position that I'm full of sh**.”
(Jan. 29, 2007, Blue Line Forums, http://forums.blueline.ca/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=10378&start=30)

Made-up citation: “Kaboomology cannot explain the Big Bang, but it does offer many important theories on how my brother nuked the garage.”

semi-asshat-free

adj. Partially lacking members of a segment of the ass family that is closely related to the proud assmunch, the common asshole, the filthy assmonger, and the redundant assbutt.

Real citation: “I can't vouch for myself, though, since because I feel that anything good I say about myself would be regarded as BS. And I also think that 1 entrant/3 months is a bit low, but I do agree it helps keep the population low and at least semi-asshat free.”
(April 16, 2005, http://forums.kingdomofloathing.com:8080/vb/archive/index.php/t-95166.html)

Made-up citation: “The law can make a bar smoke-free, but only the combined might of Odin and my death-cookie can make the tri-state area semi-asshat-free or better.”

footsploitation

adj. Like nunsploitation, but the naughty, nubile sisters have been replaced with naughty, nubile footsies.

Real citation: “A Toetally Solefull Feeture Pedsintation (Martha Colburn, 1999, USA, Super 8-to-video, color, sound, 4 min.) A fetishistic celebration of the world of the foot. Toe-sucking baboons, Napoleon, erotic steeplechasing, and much more in this over the top footsploitation film.”
(Nov. 17, 2001, http://www.mixnyc.org/2001/heavy.shtml)

Made-up citation: “Spring brings chirping birds in flight and women’s toes on display. So many toesies! It’s like the whole world is a footsploitation double feature, and I’m a pervert who snuck into the theater with a bag of Twizzlers and a dream.”

great-grandcritter

noun. Critter of my critter, spawn of my spawn, waffle of my batter! Ew.

Real citation: “Whenever I get bored doing tank inversions I just remind myself that if properly cared for these images could last for centuries. My great-grandcritter may one day take these negatives in their archival sleeves and binders and with ten dollars worth of hardware and chemistry make contact prints that ‘seemed taken yesterday.’”
(Aaron Reece, July 16, 2004, http://homepage.mac.com/fwstutterheim/rugarchives/2004-07/01063.html)

Made-up citation: “I’m saving this goliath bird-eating spider from extinction, and I’m not doing it for you. I’m not doing it for me--or our great-grandcritters. I’m doing it for the blonde on Scrubs, who is freaking gorgeous.”

henchgoat

noun. A lot in life slightly more respected than scapegoat, goat-ball-licker, and lobbyist.

Related terms: henchboobs, henchbreasts, hench-bunny-men, henchchicken, henchdoofus, henchdork, henchgoon, henchho, henchmoron, henchnoncorporeal being, henchscum.

Real citation: “Thank you for the promotion, I shall endeavor to do my utmost to fufill your every need before you even know you need it. However, in order to perform these tasks you have assigned me and in light of my new position as 'Supervisory Henchgoat', I would like to request the ability to hire a few under-henchlings to assist me in my day to day duties. By providing me with four (4) under-henchlings I would be able to continue plan cunning traps and devious plots (see Tasks #23, 48, 56-97, and 103; attached), while using my under-henchlings to maintain and execute (if the need arises for wonton death) future activities.
(Oct. 25, 2005, unitedHeroes.net, http://www.unitedheroes.net/forums/viewtopic.php?p=5119&sid=c4673e995a10e3157eef86bb1c0df309)

Made-up citation: “Since we replaced the henchgoat with an intern, the farmers are disgruntled, the eggs are runny, and the farmer’s daughter has foresworn our haystack love!”

barfitudinous

adj. Oopschlop time is here.

Real citation: “The governments of the world have united in the belief the best agricultural policy is to provide lots and lots of barfitudinous foodstuffs as cheap as possible to the consumer with the minimum amount of labor.”
(Nov. 14, 2007, European Tribune, http://www.eurotrib.com/comments/2007/11/14/14621/880/26)

Made-up citation: “When I think about reality shows based on singing or dancing, I feel cold and dead and barfitudinous. However, I would consider watching Nipple-tweaking With the Stars or American Defenestrator."

dickweedhood

noun. Dickweeditude’s hooded cohort.

Real citation: “BSL's take on CHB was a wonderful anecdotal representation of CHB's dickweedhood. A Dickweedhood that many have suspected but few have been exposed to up close and personal. I believe I am going to start sucking up to her too.
(March 27, 2007, Sons of Sam Horn, http://sonsofsamhorn.net/index.php?s=55bb8eb25a130a7af9c96b7e2dffb4cc&showtopic=16732&pid=688664&st=120&#entry688664)

Made-up citation: “Every time I think therapy, mediation, family, and horse tranquilizers have lifted me above the depths of dickweedhood, I remember that you can take the dick out of the weed, but you can’t take the mouse out of the shithouse.”

insta-poopy-in-yur-panties

noun. A fast-developing situation in which it is difficult to remain suave.

Real citation: “Thanks for setting that up! It looks amazing...and take Daeg's advice...do NOT play doom3 until its dark out and you can either turn that sound system up to 11 or put on a nice set of headphones...insta-poopy-in-yur-panties!”
(Aug. 14, 2004, Notebook Forums, http://www.notebookforums.com/thread36883.html)

Made-up citation: “I wish I had a gun I could set to insta-poopy-in-yur-panties, self-pollution-o-rama, or kill.”

non-whoa

adj. Whoa is me!

Real citation: “NO SPAM PHOTOS! Do not post non-whoa stuff, like photos of the drummer from INXS.”
(Nov. 11, 2005, http://www.geocaching.com/track/details.aspx?id=176391)

Made-up citation: “I’m not depressed, but I am in a non-whoa, non-woo-hoo, non-yay, minimally yippee phase of life in which I rarely become vertical. But at least I’m not depressed!”

hohohoish

adj. Yuletidy and stuff.

Real citation: “Ceva lipseste these CISmas days… Nu ma simt jolly and hohohoish…With all the christmasy atmosphere around me, I still feel incomplete… Like there’s so much to do but it’s pointless to do it cuz there’s no mood for it. Or I dunno… I guess I can find reasons inside of me, but they’ve always been there and I’ve always managed to ignore them. Why can’t I be an ignorant tonight as well, why can’t I?”
(Dec. 26, 2007, Communication Jazz, http://hatesmthchangesmth.wordpress.com/2007/12/)

Made-up citation: “My red and white wardrobe isn’t meant to be hohohoish. Those are the spring colors of my death cult.”

Cylonicide

noun. A Cylon killed a Cylon. It’s enough to make a George Foreman grill weep.

Real citation: “While the idea of a Cylon civil war might be a bit too far out to land on the BSG writers’ dradus, I suspect the idea of a Cylon actually completely killing another Cylon isn’t. Considering how big a deal the rock-to-the-head became, how will they respond to a real Cylonicide?”
(Oct. 11, 2006, Galactica Watercooler, http://www.galacticawatercooler.com/2006/10/11/shooting-a-fellow-cylon-in-the-head-a-slap-in-the-face/)

Made-up citation: “Senator, since you’re pro-life, can we assume you’re anti-Cylonicide? And how do you feel about the forced shaving of Wookies?”

doucheteria

noun. Even a douchewad’s gotta eat.

Real citation: “We stopped at the Westmark Inn to eat. I remembered the Westmark in Skagway as a grade-A doucheteria, with mediocre food and obnoxious people, but this one was mostly empty. As we pored over our menus, Mike and I realized that we hadn’t eaten at all since lunch at the Bayview the previous day. We had been running entirely on adrenaline and never thought to eat. Now, though, we were starving.”
(Clarence Wethern, Sept. 27, 2007, http://www.clarencewethern.com/2007/10/10/alaskan-adventure/)

Made-up citation: “You may think my kitchen is a doucheteria. But the truth is far worse!”

spatularity

noun. A quality found in every spatula, the utensil that is closest to God.

Real citation: “The spatularity of this thread is in the processation of rising paralellogically to its dangerousity.”
(Feb. 13, 2008, Board 2, http://acmlm.no-ip.org/board/thread.php?id=3263)

Made-up citation: “I like the way you think. Your ideas are original and spherical, with a resonant spatularity. I also like eggs.”

glycoli-schmancy-hydroxo-crapological

adj. Do I look like a glycoli-schmancy-hydroxo-crapologist?

Real citation: “If glycoli-schmancy-hydroxo-crapological facials are not your scene, this down-to-earth, inexpensive, Canadian hiking resort may be for you.”
(Marjorie Ingall, 1999, Fit Magazine, http://www.hiking.com/abus_phil_publ_fitm.htm)

Made-up citation: “If you won’t tell us where the hostages are, we will take steps. Glycoli-schmancy-hydroxo-crapological steps! Look it up in the Patriot Act, bucko.”