Friday, September 05, 2008

North Methistan

noun. A land where the crystal meth flows like honey, like a Beavis and Butt-head lab made by the gods.

Real citation: " Honestly, Fran -- I really think the booze and the grass has fried your brain. You might want to clean up...go cold turkey...see if you can salvage anything. It's not too late, my son. You can still become a useful member of society. Many people in your situation go on to lead fulfilling, even productive lives. You don't want to become a one-man-band, busking on the beach at Venice for crack money. Or maybe you do...I guess that could be fun in its own way. I suppose the world needs crackheads too, just like it needs ditch diggers and garbagemen and stuff. Crack dealers are supporting their families, after all -- the vast illicit crack farms of North Methistan are a bleak place, one of the World Health Organization's hotspots...honestly, any income that makes their lives better is welcomed. So, what the hell, carry on!"
(June 15, 2008, Quarterlife,

Made-up citation: "I've narrowed down my ancestral homeland to three places: North Methistan, East Buttfuckistan, and Pittsburgh. Soon I will know my people and who I truly am! Then again, I'mboredsowhere'sthepornistan is nice this time of year..."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Good one. It reminds me of a word a friend of mine came up with-a no-brainer, really: "Methy" adjective. Used to describe a person who looks like he or she has used too much methamphetamine. Example: "No, no, not that woman, the methy one with the sunken cheeks and missing teeth."