craptacularosity

noun. Crappy cubed.

Related terms: craptasticosity.

Real citation: “Another warning sign of a movie's craptacularosity is if the trailer contains that song that goes:”
(Filipino Elvis, Aug. 23, 2004, http://chud.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-70151.html)

Made-up citation: "My family had it rough. Grandma died in squalor, and Grandpa died in craptacularosity."

man-boobitude

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circle-jerkesque

adj. When warm looks and warm hands and warm pizzles embrace in a circular (though metaphorical) situation, this word is appropriate.

Related terms: circle-jerky, circle-jerkish, circle-jerkery, circle-jerkage.

Real citation: "It's not encouraging that Ms. O'Malley cites some notoriously circle-jerkesque op-ed writers as her guiding lights. It's like Conservatives citing Ann Coulter."
(Kevin, April 5, 2003, http://calstuff.blogspot.com/2003/04/new-planet-has-pledged-bias.html)

Made-up citation: "Circle-jerkesque behavior isn't just for jerks: fuckwits, cronies, dim bulbs, buttmunches, moonbats, cheese dongs, and doofi have all been observed partaking in circle-jerkitude by smart local scientists."

triangle-age

noun. Love triangles--the most annoying day of geometry class ever.

Real citation: "To be honest, the only good things about this episode was the ending, Bailey, and the lack of triangle-age. Maybe I was just expecting too much from a post-super bowl ep, but it was not even close to one of the best that this show has done."
(EvilSpawn, "2-17: "It's The End Of The World" 2006.02.05," Feb. 5, 2006, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3135330&view=findpost&p=4467046)

Made-up citation: "Evidence would suggest that TV writers get their checks doubled every time they add triangle-age to a show. Maybe if somebody clubbed these hacks with a shovel instead, they'd feel a little differently about foisting this crap on us all."

archskank

noun. A skank of high rank.

Related terms: archangel, archbishop, archdeacon, archpriest.

Real citation: "To Kerr! ArchSkank of the UK"
(http://beautybash.net/messageboard/archive/index85.html)

Made-up citation: "Even a mega-ho or slutbomb can't compare to an archskank, according to the Pope."

cakewalky

adj. Easy as walking on cake, baby--though taken literally, cakewalking may present problems.

Real citation: "Routine operations, in the sense of we can do this many times over, need to be somewhat cakewalky. Its one thing to hang it all over the edge during test phase, its another thing to ask that every operational flight do that."
(Andre Lieven, Jan. 10, 2004, http://groups.google.com/group/alt.tv.the-west-wing/msg/b89c3f81cad41183?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "Ever try to pee while doing a handstand, just to mark a little arboreal territory? Probably not, but it's cakewalky stuff to a panda."

va-jay-jay specialist

noun. An expert on all things vaginaltruous.

Real citation: "GA happy new years! umm i need you to check my va jay jay to see if it's time for a wax--- your my va jay jay specialist!"
(Jan 1, 2006, http://www.myspace.com/yourheroine)

Made-up citation: "A gynecologist who calls himself a va-jay-jay specialist or groinocologist may not be trustworthy or recommended by doctors."

badasslessness

noun. Look deep into the soul or pants of a non-badass, and this ye shall find.

Related terms: asslessness, White Male Asslessness, chapped asslessness, congenital asslessness.

Real citation: “The agents, although cool-looking, had a lot of badasslessness.”
(Nerje, April 6, 2001, http://forums.thelastfreecity.com/viewtopic.php?t=149)

Made-up citation: "With a lisp, 'badasslessness' is easy to have yet hard to say."

clusterfrack

noun. A frackin' clusterfuck-type sitch.

Related terms: clusterboink, clusterfornicate, clusterfreak, clusterfrell, clusterfrick, clusterfrig, clusterfug, clusterhump, clusterplook, clusterpork, clusterschmuck, clustersmurf.

Real citation: "What a clusterfrack that was, too."
(Skinny Dipper, April 2, 2004, http://www.lake-cumberland.com/forum/post.php?action=reply&fid=8&tid=2928&repquote=25577)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his clusterfrack has no place in our hearts.'"

teenageracide

noun. Teen pregnancy, teen violence, and teen sarcasm got you down? There is a solution.

Real citation: "Let me first state that I am not in favor of murder, no matter what. I don't believe in the death penalty, and even though they annoy the crap out of me, I'd never advocate teenageracide. But anyone who's ever been through a horrible breakup can kind of maybe understand, just a little teensy bit, this poor schmoe's motivation."
(Judy McGuire, "A Man Scorned," Feb. 7, 2006, Bad Advice, badadvice.typepad.com/my_weblog/2006/02/a_man_scorned_.html)

Made-up citation: "To perform a teenageracide, cut teenager in large cubes and place in one layer on a plate or in a shallow dish. Drizzle with lemon juice and olive oil then sprinkle with salt and pepper. Refrigerate for one hour. Meanwhile, cut vegetables alternating each ingredient. When coals are glowing...oh wait, those are instructions for a buffalo shishkebab. Sorry, parents! My bad."

fan-diddly-an-diddly-tastic

adj. Pretty damn fantastic with two sides of diddly and a bow on top.

Related terms: bling-diddly-tastic, chocco-diddly-tastic, crap-diddly-tastic, fan-damn-diddly-tastic, pimp-diddly-tastic, plum-diddly-tastic, rad-diddly-tastic, ska-diddly-tastic, spam-diddly-tastic, spank-diddly-tastic.

Real citation: "Alaskan Thunderfuck--grown in the land of the Midnight Sun. Winner of the '96 Cannibus cup 1st prize. First bud that ever made me hallucinate. Not LSD hallucinate, more like really mellow Shrooms, fan-diddly-an-diddly-tastic."
(iluvstiflersmom, Dec. 21, 2004, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:K4Xf5tbNhEsJ:www.brokenlizard.com/board/view.php%3Fid%3D436415+fan-diddly-an-diddly-tastic,&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Right now, I'm watching season two of The Shield--which, to put it mildly, is pretty fan-diddly-an-diddly-tastic. Of course, watching it before bed makes me sleep about as well as a snitch who betrayed Vic Mackey crossed with a hyperactive squirrel. But what can you do?"

rockoutitude

noun. Less talk, more rock.

Related terms: all-outitude, candle-blowing-outitude, cop-outitude, down-and-outitude, freak-outitude, get-outitude, ghetto-cracked-outitude, hanging-outitude, lay-outitude, sell-outitude, well-thought-outitude.

Real citation: "Not to say that the ambiance and rockoutitude of the entire Deloused CD is anything less then stellar, but all this hooblah about a story of a man entering a dream world and adventuring and waking up but still choosing to die.... Would you have gathered that if you hadn't read the cd info?"
(Izawwlgood, 2005, Gnostic, http://www.gnoosic.com/discussion/mars+volta.html)

Made-up citation: "A few years ago I saw the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Sleater-Kinney in Boston...seldom have I experienced such rockoutitude. I am also going to marry the S-K drummer when I grow up."

splatulence

noun. Reason #318 why the men's room is the most terrifying place on earth.

Real citation: "No man using a public, multi-stalled restroom expects that his farts go unheard. Still, in many places it's illegal to make an audio recording of someone without his knowledge—but those laws forbid recording conversations, not flatulence or splatulence."
(Dan Savage, "Sound and Fury," Jan. 19, 2006, http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=26600)

Made-up citation: "Dietary changes may alleviate flatulence, but a splatulence problem can be solved only by getting the hell away from me. Thank you."

henchess

noun. A dastardly female assistant, complete with feminine wiles and possibly a crowbar.

Real citation: "You do my bidding quite well, actually, maybe just throw in a little abuse of language or absurdity and I think you'll make a very fine henchman... henchlady... henchess? Underling. Yeah. Now, make me a sammich!"
(erick, Nov. 13, 2004, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:56oCU_m5egUJ:lugubrious.net/news/display/
290/+henchess&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "I'm a young professional looking for friends, friends with benefits, activity partners, henchesses, and a new toaster."

fuckdango

noun. Loosely equivalent to "a fucking fandango."

Related terms: fundango, blogdango.

Real citation: "The sniper rifle can be converted to a shotgun for playing House of the Dead 3, too. Fuckdango of a party game (for nerds)!"
(dizzy, Feb. 3, 2005, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:0DizFGrkHbIJ:www.lunaticrage.com/drippy/forum.php%3Fa%3Drt%26f%3D4%26t%3D2369%26m%3D48662+fuckdango&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=2)

Made-up citation: "Taoist philosopher Chuang-Tzu wrote, 'Do not be an embodier of fame; do not be a storehouse of schemes; do not be an undertaker of projects; do not be a proprietor of fuckdangos.'"

festery-looking

adj. Grody and gory to the mildewy, maggoty max.

Real citation: “The gore of the claws is awesome. o.o It's all... slimy and festery-looking. *gore envy*"
(Daimera, June 14, 2005, http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/19465448/)

Made-up citation: "A festery-looking falafel is considered bad luck before noon. And at most other times."

moonbatterism

noun. A philosophy or behavior that's loony and nutty and wacky as fuck--bugfuck, that is.

Related terms: moonbat, moonbatter, moonbatty, non-moonbatty, moonbatish, non-moonbatish, moonbatesque, moonbattitude, moonbattery, moonbattage, moonbatosity, moonbatism, moonbatette.

Real citation: "The government sets up programs to deter more organized terror attacks on our soil, and for over four years there are no more OTAs on our soil. A reasonable person might see SOME connection between the two things, but, yeah, it could be one big fucking coinkydink. Maybe terrorists are simply bored with making plans to attack us and have gone on to new hobbies, such as golf or knitting. Or we could go with the moonbatterism that there really are no organized terrorists and 9/11 was just a bunch of guys with no connection to anything. Or the Jews did it! Yeah, that'll work."
(Paula Light, Feb. 2, 2006, Ultrablog, http://paulalight.blogspot.com/2006/02/trolling-trolls.html)

Made-up citation: "This might be my favorite Bushism/moonbatterism: 'The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants.'"

re-corpse

verb. Revive. Rekill. Lather. Rinse. Flee.

Real citation: "I loved the entire scene between Julia and the corpse, including the chilling end where Julia, uh, re-corpsed it. I think it's because I've always thought of Nip/Tuck as a revenge tragedy, and I expect most characters to end up dead or miserable. Am I the only one who sees the show in such a misanthropic light?"
(Scorched Earth, "Nip/Tuck," Dec. 7, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=2864952&view=findpost&p=4115829)

Made-up citation: "If you perform exorcisms, you're in a religion. If re-corpsing is more your thing, you're in a cult."

ball prints

noun. Telltale signs left behind at the fellatial scene of the full-frontal fellatosity.

Real citation: "This ethics conference should be a real hoot: Peggy Noonan will talk about the secret communiques of Vatican II as revealed to her by Flipper, Fred Barnes' chin will be dusted for George Bush's ball prints and Tim will serve up $50,000 worth of pontification on his favorite theme -- 'It's news if I say it is.'"
("Ethics? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Ethics!," Jan. 27, 2006, firedoglake, http://firedoglake.blogspot.com/
2006_01_22_firedoglake_archive.html#113834741210842303)

Made-up citation: "Like snowflakes, no two (or is that four?) ball prints are the same."

chowderheady

adj. Delicious New England clam chowder is a terrible thing to waste.

Related terms: chowderheadish, chowderheaded, chowderheadedness.

Real citation: "The Good Dream: I was waiting in this interminable line in Staples, and the store manager was apparently being a real chowderhead. He didn't actually do anything chowderheady in the dream, but I just knew in that dream way he was being a chowderhead."
("Dream a little dream...," Oct. 20, 2003, The First Time I Turned Thirty, http://trackerneil.blogspot.com/2003/10/dream-little-dream.html)

Made-up citation: "Call me chowderheady, but I can't see any pluses in having children. Plus, I'd hate to pack on the pounds like a meaty male monkey."

mashed-potato-brainitude

noun. Like shit-for-brains, but tastier--and better for you too.

Related terms: fuzzy-brainitude, right-brainitude.

Real citation: "Do you ever remember being mashed potato brained? Has there been any long-lasting effects on your mental well-being from slipping into mashed-potato-brainitude so often? Explain for the people at home, Jim."
("The Red Sox, Sail Boats, Blues Music, Beer, Driving, Girls Wearing Coconut-Scented Sunblock, etc.," Nov. 26, 2004, http://mysite.verizon.net/vzeo6f10/allthatisgood/id21.html)

Made-up citation: "When I finally get diagnosed with a fatal case of mashed-potato-brainitude, I will blame the computer, which seems to follow me everywhere. I may also blame my family, my gender, and Zeus, my favorite God."

lust in one's pants

idiom. When there's not enough room in your heart for a load of lust, check your pants.

Real citation: "A Rhodes Scholar, lawyer and former Governor of Arkansas with lust in his pants and his Ivy league, ambitious wife come to Washington."
("Eight Years of Autopilot and Laissez-faire," http://www.angelfire.com/blog2/bigpicture/eya_19.html)

Made-up citation: "When female rats get jacked on coffee, it puts a little extra lust in their pants. I told you to stop giving Starbucks to the rats, Mom!"

absomotherfucking

adverb. Absolutely, motherfuckingly so.

Related terms: absofucking, absofuckingnotly, absofuckinglutely, absodiddly, absonotly.

Real citation: “See asslicker kiss worthless ass on VH1’s rock show and for what SCOTT, Absomotherfucking NOTHING!”
(Diabolic, Jan. 15, 2003, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:yUvFiN0dGakJ:www.metalreview.com/forum/post.asp%3Fmethod%3DReplyQuote%26REPLY_ID%3D3770%26TOPIC_ID%3D355%26FORUM_ID%3D3+absomotherfucking&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "I never, ever make a bet, because though I may be absolutely sure of something, I am absomotherfucking sure that I always lose bets. I hate my brain. Excuse me while I make a crack and grain alcohol smoothie."

mid-groininess

noun. Right smack in the creamy middle of--as the Bible says--"putting the devil into hell." Or, you know, there may be two hells, two devils, or any other combination that's been tried since Christ was a cowboy.

Related words: non-groininess.

Real citation: "It’s easy, because he calls out her name mid-groininess and afterwards . . . he holds me."
(Beetle, "Pretend," http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:cz6C3tvE1LcJ:stepaway.com/archive/viewstory.php%3Fsid%3D1077%26PHPSESSID%3Dcda8b9987644e18c4d464f77d8d4f55f+groininess&hl=
en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=11)

Made-up citation: "Any testimony that was obtained mid-groininess will not be heard in this court. Unless you speak up!"

nutjobesque

adj. Kinda sorta wackjobby.

Real citation: "i like rush, he's a funny bastard, hannity is too fucking rightwing nutjobesque for me"
(Aug. 2, 2004, http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:UpKz-owaPgkJ:www.board.yourmomsbox.net/viewthread.php%3Ftid%3D3798+nutjobesque&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1)

Made-up citation: "Mark Peters is making up this sentence and putting himself in the third person, just to get that nutjobesque quality in his blog. Now Mark's done."

open-woundish

adj. Lord, Lord, talkin' bout my oozing cyst.

Related terms: festering woundish, primal-woundish, raw-woundish.

Real citation: “She's even somewhat hopeful, in these early, open-woundish months after her breakup, she'll find someone else to love.”
(Mike Bell, “Bif's nerves naked,” Oct. 3, 2004, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:Hbxbw3teSNsJ:www.canoe.ca/
JamMusicArtistsN/naked_bif.html+woundish&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Methinks I'm going to feel open-woundish about the Bush administration for a long time...but a Will Ferrell Bush movie would ease my pain considerably. Why in the name of pancakes doesn't this happen?"

thinkbone

noun. I think it's under the skullbone. And it's connected to the corpus-callosum-bone.

Real citation: "It hurts my thinkbone."
(Jon Stewart doing George W. Bush, Jan. 30, 2006, The Daily Show)

Made-up citation: "According to a recent Harvard study, America's favorite body parts are the think-bone, the boner-bone, and hair. Further research is needed on this problematic subject."

man region

noun. El crotcho masculino.

Related terms: woman region, buttockal region, nether regions.

Real citation: "WOW- loveland is one nasty team. it seamed as if they didnt care if they got kicked out of the game because it was their last one. i have never seen a nastier team play. i no 1 maybe 2 players got kicked out. they bit fingers, kicked in the man region, twisted ankles.... just about everything you can think of. i do respect them for coming out strong knowing they have nothing to play for tho.... all in all a great game."
(kmkdude, Oct, 31, 2004, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:4NgFL1jOPW0J:www.yappi.com/forums/printthread.php%3Fthreadid%3D75394+%22kicked+in+the+man+region%22&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1)

Made-up citation: "According to the Bible, you people should gird thy loins, which may or may not require a girdle but certainly involves the man region. So get girding!"

bad kisser magnet

noun. An unfortunate person who attracts hordes of drooling, smooch-challenged, would-be lip-lockers.

Related terms: nutjob magnet, wingnut magnet, fucknut magnet, loser magnet, asshat magnet, asshole magnet, doofus magnet, dork magnet, dumbass magnet, skank magnet, ho magnet, neanderthal magnet.

Real citation: "I'm a bad kisser magnet, all hail me"
(Neleke, Jan. 11, 2003, http://www.chrisrankin.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?p=215274&sid=dde59bfd6c57a6ad644df1c8b3f4bd0e)

Made-up citation: "Though I don't always keep my inner George Costanza in the barbed-wire-lined cage where he belongs, at least I've never contributed to anyone I've dated being a bad kisser magnet. As far as I know. And I have excellent hair and a good phone voice, I promise."

bird-flu-tastic

adj. Stop licking chickens, OK?

Real citation: "mmm bird-flu-tastic"
(Jan. 6, 2005, http://www.alternativenation.net/forums/scotland/93101-exodus-aberdeen.html)

Made-up citation: "My dear Aries, if you stay open to all possibilities, the cosmic winds will blow romance, good financial news, and a bird-flu-tastic surprise your way later this year."

infangelina

noun. The crotchfruit of the most holy womb of Angelina Jolie. Mmm...holy womb, Batman.

Related terms: Brangelina, vagilina, Federletus.

Real citation: "We will need special goggles. No, the goggles won't protect us. We'll need artists, great artists, who'll sacrifice their eyes for one brief gaze upon the Brangelina infant (or, as we like to call it, the Infangelina), sketch its glory quickly, then spend their rest of their lives as blind babbling fools, jibbering in some monastery somewhere."
(Jan. 18, 2006, Fametracker, http://www.fametracker.com/fame_audit/infangelina.shtml)

Made-up citation: "I just wanted to say that finding 'infangelina' makes me giddy as a schoolgirl when the sailboats dock. It sounds like an adorable, fanged baby of death that will probably chew all our throats out. Maybe when the infangelina grows up, it will be part of an intifada. Or it might attend a pharmaceutical program and become a very handy medication that cures the bird flu and stuff."

forensicy-type

adj. Uh, I don't really watch these shows, but sounds kind of ishy.

Real citation: “Every time I watch these forensicy-type programs on Court TV, I keep thinking, I could write these things, but where do I go to sign up and volunteer (at first, until they saw how wonderful I am) to work on them?”
(chickenpinata, “Putting Off Laundry, and a Rant,” Feb. 1, 2005, http://chickenpinata.tblog.com/archive/2005/01/)

Made-up citation: "I'm just guessing Forensicy-type Falafel wouldn't be a popular lunch."

salad bar rage

noun. A crouton-related anger-management disaster not recommended by doctors or waiters.

Real citation: “We'll hit rock bottom when we have salad bar rage.”
(sswift, July 26, 2002, http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=251532)

Made-up citation: "There's only one cure for salad bar rage--aversion therapy with bleu cheese. If the patient drowns in the chunky white goodness, he's cured. If he lives, we feed him to rats. Either way, America stays number one."

fuckwiener

noun. Heh. Fuckwiener.

Real citation: "YOU MAY ALREADY BE A FUCKWIENER!"
(Dec. 4, 2005, rabbit blog, http://www.rabbitblog.com/
2005_12_01_rabbitblog_archive.html#113376878854491706)

Made-up citation: "Very few of Emily Dickinson's poems rhymed 'fuckwiener' with 'duck cleaner,' though scholars of American literature agree that this important poet believed ducks should be well-groomed at all times."

batshittitude

noun. Madness. Batty, shitty madness.

Related terms: batshit crazy, batshit insane, batshit loony, batshit whacko, batshit nutty, batshit nutso, super-batshit-insane, completely-fucking-batshit-insane, batshit-fucking-crazy, batshit-sounding, batshit-demented, non-batshit, pre-batshit, anti-batshit, batshit loonball, holy batshit, batshittery, itchy-batshitty, batcrap, batpoop, luminous batshit evil.

Real citation: “Lord yes... Michael Savage is an intelligent, well-read individual who goes batshit crazy the moment something happens with which he does not agree. All the brains and all the reading will not save you from batshittitude. I used to have to board-op the Michael Savage show.”
(Listener, Aug. 11, 2005, http://www.juntoonline.com/forum/index.php?topic=3514.msg61366)

Made-up citation: "Researchers at a local university are trying to determine whether Scientologists or born-agains have a greater batshittitude quotient. Either way, heathen monkeys just can't stay off the porn."

non-suckalicious

adj. There is no suck to be found here. Move along.

Real citation: “RoboRaptor - sequel to last year "robosapien" along with it's new stable mate "robopet" - Now I have a thing for Robots dating back to reading Asivmov and discovering Star Wars (non suckalicious original edition) as a kid.”
(mirandazero, “The cyber divide and gadget whore,” Dec. 10, 2005, http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/journal_view.php?journalid=88010&entryid=270148&view=public)

Made-up citation: "As I grow and mature, I'm slowly becoming a one-coffee man--Dunkin' Donuts is the only java that tastes non-suckalicious to me lately. I think there's crack in that coffee. Mmm...crack coffee."

metric frackload

noun. A frackin' whole lot of I don't know what.

Related terms: frack you, fracked up, motherfracker, clustercrack, metric buttload, metric assload, metric arseload, metric heinie-load, metric bootyload, metric poop-load, metric poo-load, metric shitload, metric crapload, metric fuckload, metric boatload, metric truckload, metric smurfload, metric cuntload, metric dickload, metric cockload, metric pantload, metric pantsload.

Real citation: "Yeah, there's only a whole metric frackload of Boomers out there. She isn't going anywhere."
(SurvivAR-15, 2005, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:x48V1RHAo4gJ:ar15.com/forums/topic.html%3Fb%3D1%26f%3D5%26t%3D298560%26page%3D19+%22metric+frackload%22&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "A metric frackload of folks have told me to check out the new Battlestar Galactica, and damn it, I will. By Odin's beard, I will."

mailmanette

noun. A mailperson with feminine wiles. And feminine mail equipment.

Real citation: "my aspiration is to be a mailmanette."
(funny hat, http://www.fictionpress.com/~funnyhat)

Made-up citation: "I come from a long line of mailmen and mailmanettes, though I personally prefer going mental to going postal."

butt-grape ritual

noun. The kind of love that is possible only between a coach and an athlete. And a grape.

Real citation: "The single best coach story I heard concerned a college football coach who purportedly made his players run wind sprints while each one held a single grape between the cheeks of his buttocks. The unfortunate soul who came in last had to eat the grapes. Haunting though this story is, I can't verify it. My correspondent, a rather distinguished newspaper columnist, said he read about this in a biography of the coach in question that was published in the 1970s. But despite assiduously searching Amazon.com and Google's book-search page, I was unable to find any reference to the butt-grape ritual, and therefore shall withhold the name of the coach in question. (I think it may also be awhile before I can bring myself to eat a grape.)"
(Timothy Noah, "Bad Coaches," Jan. 19, 2006, Slate, http://www.slate.com/id/2134286/?nav=tap3)

Made-up citation: "In my culture, the ancient butt-grape ritual separates the men from the boys and the grapes from the bananas. Thank you, Jesus."

scooper's elbow

noun. The number one health hazard of the pooper scooper troopers of America.

Real citation: "If he has any complaints about his chosen career, it's what he calls "scooper's elbow." When it rains, he explains, the poop gets saturated with water and becomes heavy."
(Sam Boykin, "The sweet stink of success," Salon, salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/01/18/pooper_scoopers/print.html)

Made-up citation: "The student asked the Zen master, 'Do proctologists develop scooper's elbow?' The Zen master merely smiled while filling his pants. At this, the student was enlightened."

brain bleach moment

noun. Those times when a do-it-yourself-lobotomy is the only way to make the pain stop.

Real citation: "Sorry about the brain bleach moment. I don't make the news, I just report it, but it did look awfully suspect. But then, I've got a dirty mind, so..."
(McKay, "Adult Moments on Kids Shows," July 27, 2004, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3113944&view=findpost&p=1723467)

Made-up citation: "I can't think of totally squicky brain bleach moment off the top of my head...does my entire adolescence count?"

diddly bupkis

noun. Nada with a side of jack squat.

Real citation: "Ladies and gentlemen, I had a speech prepared, but I think I'll just wing this one. Our economy is in a shambles. We've only reached 1/20th of our job target, which was set awfully low as it is. That's just shameful. It seems that the Republican economic model is failing, as the only 'recovery' is in a few sectors on Wall Street and in the pocketbooks of CEOs. The average American is seeing diddly bupkis. So I'm going to take this opportunity to fire all of my economic advisors, and replace them with well-read and published social democrats."
(Briguy, Jan. 21, 2004, http://www.rabble.ca/babble/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=13&t=000244&p=)

Made-up citation: "The difference between human DNA and chimp DNA? Somewhere between half a banana and diddly bupkis."

de-edumacation

noun. Sounds like someone needs their learning juice.

Real citation: "The De-edumacation of the American Brainscape"
(The Colbert Report, Jan. 18, 2006)

Made-up citation: "The only non-humans who engage in edumacation, not de-edumacation, are ants. As a Visiting Assistant Professor of Problematic Heuristics, I couldn't be more proud."

hair tossy

adj. Since cutting my long, flowing locks, I can no longer engage in this kind of sultry behavior. Which is probably for the best. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Real citation: "Cindy is doing a lot more pouty sexy hair tossy things in this one, so maybe the guys will like it more."
("Not my favorite, but still really good," Aug. 7, 2003, www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A2D9TA1EYXA9KR/002-6742189-6220830)

Made-up citation: "Hair-tossiness may be genetic, like heart disease and a yen for pea soup."

fuck-capades

noun. Also known by the less catchy terms “fornication-capades” and “hot-buttered-monkey-sex-capades.”

Real citation: "Yes, your name is certainly on the tip of everyone's tongue, overshadowing even the latest Clinton fuck-capades."
(Biil Palmjob, Feb. 12, 1998, http://groups.google.com/group/alt.genius.bill-palmer/msg/08c2ef1243a40879)

Made-up citation: "Memo to the producers of Lost: fewer evil, meaningless smoke-monsters and more fuck-capades please."

lesbiatic

adj. Lesbionic.

Related terms: lesbiotic.

Real citation: "I have not heard very good things about Evil Beaver. (that's a great sentence even out of context!) Seriously though, a supposed lesbiatic duo that plays loudly and poorly."
(nezpierce, Feb. 3, 2004, http://crack.rockdell.org/index.php?topic=1464.msg30946)

Made-up citation: "Lesbiandar is a handy device for tracking down practitioners of the lesbiatic arts."

Xenu-tastic

adj. Having something to do with Xenu, a fantastic intergalactic badass who 1) according to Scientologists, was a naughty, naughty space-demon-thing about 75 quadrillion years ago, and 2) according to South Park, laughs like Jabba the Hut.

Real citation: "To prove his sincere Xenu-tastic passion for Katie Holmes, Cruise jumped on Oprah Winfrey's couch, yelling 'I'm in love!'"
("Tom: Crazy in Love," Dec. 29, 2005-Jan. 12, 2006, Rolling Stone, p. 97)

Made-up citation: "There's a fine line between Xena-tastic and Xenu-tastic. Actually, that's a lie. Xena would slice Xenu's nuts off and feed 'em to her cat."

dillholery

noun. Look deep into the soul-hole of a dillhole, and this ye shall find.

Real citation: "What did I miss? Well, I missed an entire lecture. I also missed, more importantly, a lab assignment. I CAN'T MAKE UP LAB ASSIGNMENTS. I might have also missed a quiz. I don't know. I was too pissed to ask S. So, thanks to the dillholery of B and T, I got fucked over. S is the only one with a valid reason. He was merely doing his job at that damn school. It wasn't his fault."
(Chuplayer, "So, showing up to class on time is bad, eh?," Dec. 9, 2005, http://www.outpostnine.com/forum/showthread.php?s=9d76506e886bb0aace378ea7796b2233&p=98627#post98627)

Made-up citation: "Mom always said, 'Dillholery is forgivable; douchebaggery is not.'"

get one's chastity belt in a swivel

verb phrase. A painful below-the-belt situation experienced by the good and holy and pure and right and spiffy among us.

Related terms: get one's bibles in a knot, get one's monkeys in a bunch, get one's panties in a bunch, get one's pantyhose in a bunch, get one's Calvins in a bunch, get one's buns in a bunch, get one's britches in a bunch, get one's ideology in a bunch, get one's ego in a bunch, get one's tampon in a bunch, get one's nuts in a bunch, get one's whiskers in a bunch, get one's boxers in a bunch, get one's balls in a bunch, get one's beanie in a bunch, get one's thong in a twist, get one's knickers in a twist, get one's panties in a twist, get one's Nicholson in a twist, get one's chakras in a twist, get one's cables in a twist, get one's toga in a twist, get one's noodles in a twist, get one's kilt in a twist, get one's nightie in a twist, get one's undies in a twist, get one's mind in a twist, get one's shorts in a twist, get one's skirt in a twist, get one's tonsils in a twist, get one's skivvies in a twist, get one's extremities in a twist, get one's bollocks in a twist.

Real citation: "I suspect Stanley hasn't even picked the right phony controversy to work himself into a lather about. What's really got the Christian activists' chastity belts in a swivel is NBC's Book of Daniel, a series where Jesus rides in the front seat with Aidan Quinn and same-sex loving seems to be bursting out all over."
(James Wolcott, Dec. 27, 2005, jameswolcott.com/archives/2005/12/gay_polygamy_or.php)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'If thee cannot get thy chastity belt in a swivel over the most minor crap, God hates you and will burn your family.'"

kiss on the pants

verb phrase. Mmm...pants.

Related terms: kiss on the lips, kiss on the cheek.

Real citation: "One, if someone I just met pissed me off, I'd walk away. Immediately. It wouldn't matter how cute he was or now enticing he smelled. Not only that, I would assume any man worth kissing on the pants would do the same."
(Judy McGuire, "New Year's Knuckleheads!," Jan. 4, 2006, http://www.seattleweekly.com/diversions/0601/dategirl.php)

Made-up citation: "Nothing says 'hey sailor!' or ‘happy holidays!’ quite like a kiss on the pants."

crack-whoritude

noun. A literal or metaphorical condition that, by all accounts, can accurately be characterized as "not good."

Related terms: fame-whoritude, media whoritude, semi-whoritude.

Real citation: "Your crack-whoritude has gone beyond all extremes and it's time to part ways. Adobe? Microsoft Acrylic? Apple? Calgon? Take me away!!!"
(Satori Canton, "When Flash Was (Still) Sexy," June 24, 2005, www.actionscript.com/Article/tabid/54/ArticleID/when-flash-was-still-sexy/Default.aspx)

Made-up citation: "Smart scientists have shown that chimpanzees share many abilities with humans, including signing and tool-using. Can crack-whoritude be next?"

lobotomy-ish

adj. A mind is a terrible thing to shank.

Real citation: "And no one is happy. Excepting in the lobotomy-ish way."
(Mr. Shroom, April 5, 2003, http://reallifeforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=66506&sid=4246c1a1eac5ecb0fc92d593dfc545c6)

Made-up citation: "Though I'm a great admirer of learning juice, I never developed a real tolerance to beer. Two and I'm drunk. Three and I'm stupid drunk. Four and above put me in the lobotomy-ish lower regions of la-la land."

butt-sniffee

noun. Where there's a butt-sniffer...

Related terms: admiree, anus lickee, avengee, ball lickee, beatee, beatifee, besmirchee, betrayee, bitee, blow jobee, bombee, brainsuckee, burnee, car-jackee, clobberee, cock and ball torturee, complimentee, consumee, counselee, cradle-robee, crapee, crushee, decapitatee, disectee, disparagee, downsizee, droolee, excommunicatee, exorcisee, felatee, filmee, fist fuckee, floodee, Frenchee, gawkee, giftee, golden showeree, gropee, gougee, headee, impeachee, killee, kissee, lecturee, lickee, likee, litigatee, lustee, manslaughteree, massagee, mindfuckee, Mr. Horse Fuckee, moldee, molestee, moochee, motivatee, mugee, murderee, nursee, obsessee, oglee, pervee, pervertee, photographee, piercee, pimpee, pissee, poopee, predatee, promotee, purse-snatchee, regiftee, reprimandee, scoldee, shagee, shitee, shrinkee, skullfuckee, slashee, slaughteree, slobberee, smoochee, smotheree, sniffee, snitchee, spankee, stabee, stalkee, staree, theftee, toe-suckee, undressee, whackee, wooee, yoinkee.

Real citation: "And his butt-sniffee Tony and he got voted together for the Busted Urinal Award!"
(Gyudon Z, March 29, 2001, groups.google.com/group/talk.origins/msg/c02d7b985228262d?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "The synergistic relationship between a butt-sniffer and a butt-sniffee is crucial in a dynamic business environment."

crotchfruity

adj. Smelling vaguely of children.

Related terms: crotchfruit, uber-crotchfruit.

Real citation: "So the Bashi family must be all wrapped up in the shiny Crotchfruity love."
(BlueHorse, June 29, 2005, http://monkeyfilter.com/link.php/8984)

Made-up citation: "My building is full of dogs, but there is nary a crib lizard or even a crotchfruity odor to be found."

meat-hunk

noun. A hunky slice of delicious dudehood.

Real citation: "According to the New York Post, Pitt pitched a hissy fit over recently taken snapshots of the blond meat-hunk sunning himself naked on the balcony of his Los Angeles home."
(Ann Romano, "One Day at a Time," Jan. 5, 2006, Portland Mercury, www.portlandmercury.com/portland/Content?category=22175&issue=35856)

Made-up citation: "All meat-hunks are not meatheads, though all Sumatran rat monkeys are monkeys--and not recommended by doctors."

orangu-dookie

noun. Do I have to draw you people a map?

Real citation: "Knott analyzes fertility through estrogen and progesterone levels, and weight gain or loss through ketone measurements. DNA is extracted from the orangu-dookie, and stress levels can be measured by cortisol in the urine."
(John Galvin, "The Worst Jobs in Science," Oct. 2005, Popular Science, http://www.popsci.com/popsci/science/
806ffb24a5f27010vgnvcm1000004eecbccdrcrd.html)

Made-up citation: "While 'orangu-dookie' would make a good band name, I must confess I was hoping to name our firstborn 'Elizabeth' or 'Carson.'"

congressrodent

noun. Man or woman, Democrat or Republican, animal or mineral: if it likes cheese, and it has a long tail, and it can't be trusted, and it's in the sewer, and it's in Congress, this is what you got.

Related terms: congresscritter, congressrat, congress-scum, congressweasel.

Real citation: "It would seem that things such as the CDA, etc, are patent violations of the Bill of Rights. As such, wouldn't the Congressrodent(s) proposing such measures be violating our civil rights, and thus be criminally liable? Aren't Congressrodents supposed to take an Oath of Office that involves upholding the Constitution?"
(Dave Merriman, July 13, 1995, Root Causes, cypherpunks.venona.com/date/1995/07/msg00233.html)

Made-up citation: "Congressrodents can be a serious problem for homeowners. The following information can help you identify, control, and eliminate them. Some of the techniques can be applied to the common city councilrodent as well."

funnydar

noun. A keen, ha-ha-detecting sense.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money-dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, dorkdar, skankdar, freak-dar, ass-dar, zombie-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, "someone is staring at my ass"-dar, “Jesus Freak” dar, jailbait-dar, fake-boob-dar, big-dick-dar, catdar, ratdar, dogdar, Christiandar, Catholicdar, wingnutdar, sexual geniusdar.

Real citation: "I have what a call my "funnydar." This job has screwed with my funnydar. I used to have a pretty good feeling of confidence when I was being funny, but now I don't know."
(Ana Marie Cox, "So What Do You Do, Ana Marie Cox?," March 30, 2004, Mediabistro, http://www.mediabistro.com/articles/cache/a1376.asp?pntvs=1&)

Made-up citation: "Singing mice--of the non-Disney variety--get a high reading on my funnydar."

de-schmoopify

verb. To undergo the least romantic procedure imaginable: a liposchmoopification.

Real citation: "Definitely. I'll say straight out that I can't *wait* for the love triangle. I've never gotten why they get such a bad rap. What else can get the viewer more completely engrossed. And the fact that the idea of V/D/L is what has me most looking forward to S2 is proof of what a solid storyline choice I think it actually would be. Of course, in order for it to work, I'd like the V/L to de-schmoopify. Whoever would've thought that Veronica and Duncan would have more potential for the fucked-up and darkly twisted romance?"
(swsa, "Duncan Kane: Transformer," May 4, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3119198&view=findpost&p=2897854)

Made-up citation: "It's a sad thing when two consenting, adorable adults de-schmoopify. When a consenting adult and an adorable squirrel lose their schmoop, that's less tragic."

ass-pullery

noun. Do-it-yourself proctology of the most unseemly sort.

Real citation: "First off, so far this season Enterprise hasn't been that bad, reduced Vulcan bashing, continuity arguments and ass-pullery. But all was undone with this episode."
(The Spider Mastermind, March 23, 2004, http://mst.dark-omens.com/forum/index.php?act=ST&f=2&t=1780)

Made-up citation: "Oh, hi there. I study Political Science at Fordham: I'm investigating problematic issues in advanced ass-pullery."

jack-diddly-fucking-shit-squat

noun. Roughly translated, this amounts to a big bucket o' nada.

Real citation: "I don't know if April Cummings does her own research or reads from a scripted newscast, but someone at KRON is clearly uneducated jack-diddly-fucking-shit-squat about anarchism."
(Sholom Keller, July 10, 2005, San Francisco Independent Media Center)

Made-up citation: "Mathematicians at a local university are working to find a number between zero and jack-diddly-fucking-shit-squat. For mathematicians, they're not very smart."

dickwadette

noun. You called my sister WHAT?

Real citation: "It's a condo dickwad...or should that be dickwadETTE?"
(Paul, Feb. 5, 1997, groups.google.com/group/chi.internet/msg/09125b350e049acb?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "I'm a dreamy, dominant doorman looking for a diminutive, Danish dickwadette in Dallas. Duh."

sugar coma-ness

noun. Well pull my plug and call me Sweetie!

Real citation: "If you want to eat this cupcake, make sure you share it with someone! I documented the dissection process here and wrote about my spiral into sugar coma-ness."
(roboppy, "Sugar Dudes," http://www.flickr.com/photos/arte/6090938/in/set-112574/)

Made-up citation: "If collapsing into a drool-filled puddle of non-dentist-approved sugar coma-ness is wrong, I don't want to be right. Or sentient."

clustersmurf

noun. A clusterfuck of smurftastic proportions.

Related terms: clusterboink, clusterfornicate, clusterplook, clusterpork.

Real citation: "So, now the turrets can fire, but as I've planned on it, you can only smack Huntress in CC. The other turrets either cannot see the clusterSMURF of Steel/Superwoman/Kent or do not have the range. Now, where'd I hear that word "ClusterSMURF"??? I know it was a military flick of some sort, but which one exactly? It isn't Platoon or FMJ (Full Metal Jacket)...so perhaps you recall?"
(Lancelot, June 3, 2005, http://www.creationmatrix.com/forum/index.php?s=a2222787f50c7b3fed385ede2b7bd5c8&showtopic=
10957&pid=477924&mode=threaded&show=&st=&)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'There's a fine line between a clustersmurf and a clusterelf. Now go get that holy land, penisbutt!'"

humanitariany

adj. Aw shucks, they made up a word just for me...

Made-up citation: "But...don't you think I think about myself too much? I think all my life it's always been about me. It still is...only until this year I had gotten so humanitariany."
(Christinaeavynwarner, June 23, 2005, http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/001432-12.html)

Made-up citation: "If God exists, the evidence suggests he's not very humanitariany. He's more like a mix of Darth Vader, Hannibal Lecter, Dick Cheney, and a rabid squirrel with a poor attitude."

wet-blanket-ish

adj. 1. Lame. 2. Ew.

Real citation: "Can't help feeling all wet-blanket-ish about this."
(Dave, Feb. 22, 1998, groups.google.com/group/uk.games.roleplay/msg/79c588eecf391ade)

Made-up citation: "I hate to be the wet-blanket-ish weenie in the group, but I just don't think an exorcism/barbecue is the answer to behavior problems in toddlers. Or cats."

groin pullage

noun. Not as romantic as it sounds.

Real citation: "As a matter of fact, one of my friends has been trying to do the splits for about 4 weeks now and he got pretty close a couple days ago. He went to about 6 inches and held it for about a minute, or until it didn't hurt as bad, then kept going down. He eventually got about 2 inches above the ground before falling over due to extreme groin pullage."
(Dycid, Sept. 9, 2003, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:ewWba6s8cboJ:trickstutorials.com/forum/showthread.php%3Fp%3D98271+%22groin+pullage%22&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Studies show that both goalies and porn stars are prone to painful groin pullage and inappropriate mustache-osity."

not blowing one's panties off

idiom. My metaphorical nethergarments remain firmly and sadly in place.

Real citation: "It didn't suck, but it's not blowing my panties off, either (I couldn't think of a quick one word opposite of suck, unfortunately)."
(dreamy, "5-5: "Out of the Box" 2005.10.27," Oct. 27, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3132147&view=findpost&p=3864991)

Made-up citation: "According to a Time magazine poll, the Bush administration is not exactly blowing the panties off approximately a gazillion Americans with brains."

sweet mother of pancakes

exclamation. The sweet, pure, blessed MILF of pancakes is a beneficent goddess indeed, and her holy name is most worthy of shouting inappropriately on street corners.

Related terms: sweet mother of all logic, sweet mother of all that is good and pure, sweet mother of all things good and sturdy, sweet mother of all things holy, sweet mother of billiard balls, sweet mother of Christ, sweet mother of crap, sweet mother of Fluffy, sweet mother of fuck, sweet mother of fucker, sweet mother of God and our Mother Mary, sweet mother of hell, sweet mother of intestine, sweet mother of invention, sweet mother of jelly, sweet mother of Jesus, sweet mother of mammaries, sweet mother of Marmaduke, sweet mother of mayonnaise, sweet mother of mercy, sweet mother of Mickey, sweet mother of Moses, sweet mother of pearl, sweet mother of Pete, sweet mother of potatoes, sweet mother of shit, sweet mother of Zeus.

Real citation: "Sweet mother of pancakes... this has to be one of the funniest damn things I've ever seen in my life."
(Jamie, July 7, 2005, Freekicks from the Poobah, fellrath.blogspot.com/2005/07/triumph-insult-comic-dog-nails-star.html)

Made-up citation: "Sweet mother of pancakes... I have too much work and too much snot and gunk and brain fluid gushing out my nose. And I'm having a bad hair week. Kill me yesterday."

holy buttered crap on a stick

exclamation. A holier, crappier, stickier version of "Holy shit!"--with extra butter, please.

Related terms: holy buttered baby Jesus, holy buttered Batcakes, holy buttered beaver, holy buttered biscuits, holy buttered Buddha, holy buttered Christ, holy buttered crackers, holy buttered crap on toast, holy buttered crust, holy buttered monkey bums, holy buttered onions, holy buttered popcorn, holy buttered scones for tea, holy buttered shit, holy buttered shitbiscuit.

Real citation: "Holy buttered crap on a stick, listen to yourselves. Can you even read what you post? You prove the man's point."
(RHJunior, Sept. 15, 2003, A Small Victory, http://asmallvictory.net/archives/004653.html)

Made-up citation: "I'm equally offended by 'Merry Christmas' and 'Happy Holidays'--I pitch a 24-carat hissy-fit if I'm not greeted with 'Holy Buttered Crap on a Stick!' by my servants and spawn."

sleep like a crack baby

verb phrase. Depending on the availability of the rock, the snoozer in question is sleeping really well or not well at all--in the second case, the somnambulant individual may be oscillating like a broken grandfather clock.

Real citation: "I wanted a change of scenery, being shut up in the same room for 4 days drives you crazy after a bit, so I moved to the guest bedroom. It's cooler, quieter (the computers in there aren't always on) and there's less dust, so I'm not as congested. Last night and most of today I slept like a crack baby that just got its fix."
("Puss-filled Tonsils and Prescription Drugs," Feb. 5, 2003, http://kingprimate.com/weblog/archives/2003_02_05.html)

Made-up citation: "My mom told me if I didn't behave, the baby Jesus would sleep like a crack baby. God willing, this must be worth a lawsuit."

lick hippo-hole

verb phrase. 1. Sucks. 2. Sucks rocks. 3. Maybe sucks hippo rocks in addition to hippo heinie.

Related terms: lick hippo crack, lick hippo nutz, lick hippo sack, lick hippo taint.

Real citation: "Okay! Okay! I'll admit Alias started licking hippo-hole roughly around the end of season three."
(WM.™ STEVEN HUMPHREY, "I Love Television," The Stranger, http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=25528)

Made-up citation: "Much to my chagrin, the finale of Nip/Tuck licked hippo-hole while featuring enough nearly, metaphorically, or actually castrated males to put me in therapy for the rest of my life. Where's my bucket of brain bleach?"

absofuckingnotly

adverb. No fucking way, 'kay?

Real citation: "Anyhow, let me tell you this fact: not working is totally fucking awesome. It is not, however, very interesting. Today, for example, my alarm went off at nine. Did I get up at nine, ready to take the bit in the teeth and kick the shit out of this day? Absofuckingnotly."
(Worker #3116, "Putting Shit in Perspective," April 21, 2004, http://corporate-casual.blogspot.com/2004/04/putting-shit-in-perspective.html)

Made-up citation: "When offered pea soup or a prayer book, just say 'absofuckingnotly,' kids."

cuteaggedon

noun. An adorable, orgasmic, apocalypticish moment of cuteness that leaves no "aww" un-"aww"-ed.

Related terms: fuckageddon, crapageddon, shitageddon, skankageddon.

Real citation: "It's basically just a day of record breaking here in the District. First, there was the Cuteaggedon. Now: The Most Ground-Breaking D.C. Gossip Item Ever In the History of the World."
("Caution: Networking in Progress," Dec. 14, 2005, Wonkette, http://www.wonkette.com/politics/juleanna-gloverweiss/caution-networking-in-progress-143170.php)

Made-up citation: "Unlike the Rapture, the Cuteaggedon doesn't leave Jews and heathens to a hellish fate before Jesus swoops in like Rambo to show the anti-Christ a little tough love. That's why the Cuteggedon is cuter."

jackassage

noun. Look deep into the police file of a jackass, and this ye shall find.

Real citation: "On other words, we know he's a jackass, but we're afriad VI will listen to his jackassage, so we need to be especially loud in exposing it."
(Forket, http://forums.interealms.com/shaman/archive/index.php/t-7107)

Made-up citation: "I can tolerate your tomfoolery, but if you don't knock off the jackassage, I will cut off your nuts and feed them to my ferret Beverly."

culpritess

noun. A guilty, naughty person of the female-ier sex.

Real citation: "The privacy of some of America's most important celebrities has been breached. And the culpritess is Paris Hilton."
(C.W. Fisher, Feb. 21, 2005, http://theapologist.blogspot.com/2005/02/paris-hilton-sells-phony-cell-phone.html)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'The only good culpritess is a chocolate-and-strawberry-covered culpritess.' Or was that my Uncle Bob?"

deballification

noun. Like, a nutectomy?

Real citation: "The Deballification of the American Sportscape."
(Dec. 13, 2005, The Colbert Report)

Made-up citation: "If you think the deballification of sports has been painful, you should have been there for the deballification of my cat."

puddingheadedness

noun. Mmm...sweet buttered brains of buffoonery.

Real citation: "How could one generation act with such clarity, and their children be infected with such total puddingheadedness?"
(Zlex, May 12, 2004, http://forums.ninjai.com/showthread.php?s=652b1399c25d04d966c62cfb5df83d63&threadid=15536)

Made-up citation: "Though smart scientists have learned that mice sing and rats laugh, only humans possess a statistically significant amount of puddingheadedness."

shish-ka-Mom

noun. Mmm...oven-fresh matriarch.

Real citation: "I thought the only, and I mean only good thing about this episode was the part everyone else hated, the scene with Julia's shish-ka-Mom."
(SFLady, "Nip/Tuck," Dec. 7, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=2864952&view=findpost&p=4118430)

Made-up citation: "YOU try to use 'shish-ka-Mom' in a sentence. Yipes."

flower-child-y

adj. Diminutive and hippie-ish--like a French ferret.

Real citation: "Mayo Clinic's Guide - a $30 coffee table-sized book that is neither condescending nor flower-child-y."
(KJ, May 11, 1997, groups.google.com/group/misc.kids.pregnancy/msg/def8fad090f37fdf?hl=en&)

Made-up citation: "Once an NFL team gets the 'finesse' or 'flower-child-y' label, the losses and concussions pile up like rats in Wisconsin."

clusterpork

noun. A piggly-wiggly, spendy-bendy, 24-carat clusterfuck.

Real citation: "When he and his cronies wanted to attack Iraq, I suspended disbelief and forced myself to trust those that supposedly had more information than us (the citizens). It''s becoming clear now that they didn''t know anything, and the consequences of this are disturbing. Today, I officially declare this presidential administration a clusterpork."
(baggachipz, July 17, 2003, http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/node/1259)

Made-up citation: "If I were a rich girl--or government--I'd have one motherfuck of a clusterpork. Oink!"

upownarsitivity

noun. A particularly asshatted, navel-gazing, self-soul-sucking quality.

Real citation: "You must really try to fight against the tendency to vanish up your own arse, mate. I can live with your departure from AW/MW, but not if that's where you seem to have gone. You do have, shall we say, an affinity in that direction, like ET, say, or the little baby mouse out of Tom and Jerry. I'm only saying. I suppose upownarsitivity is the attraction of blogging. I don't get it, obviously."
(Hope, March 1, 2005, in comments at http://gollyg.blogspot.com/2005/02/at-lennox-head.html)

Made-up citation: "Even a world-renowned proctologist with a weapons-grade pair of tongs can't cure an acute case of upownarsitivity."

vent fucker

noun. 1. Ouch. 2. How romantic.

Real citation: "Thank to Kristyn for noticing and sharing, and condolences to the smoking vent fucker, who after December 8 will have to stay no less than 25 feet away from his beloved vent whenever he lights up."
(David Schmader, "Last Days," December 8, 2005, The Stranger, http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=25518)

Made-up citation: "Vent fucking is really in this winter, kittens. In fact, it's the new mangling-your-balls-on-a-conveyor-belt."

suck-buttitude

noun. Some things suck. Others suck rocks. For the rest, there's just a vast wasteland of suck-buttitude--not to be confused with bippy-suction of an ass-kissier sort.

Related terms: tight-buttitude.

Real citation: "And their comics to try and one up the comics they don't like suck butt... some are OK but they run along the path of Suck Buttitude."
(LeatherWolf, Jan. 7, 2005, http://69.5.65.51/forum.cfm?ThreadKey=12112&DefMessage=981431&forum=DAOCOTForum)

Made-up citation: "The third season of Nip/Tuck has had more than a little suck-buttitude--and I'm not talking about lipo of the rump."

poo-free zone

noun. Always a good place to be.

Real citation: "My landlady SUCKS. That's her in the picture. I barely have any heat and then Monday, we had a serious plumbing problem. Well, serious for the first floor as there were turds coming up out of my neighbor's drains—tub, sink, you name it. I'm safely in the poo-free zone of the third floor."
(Judy McGuire, "Bitch Better Heat My House!," Dec. 8, 2005, Bad Advice, badadvice.typepad.com/my_weblog/2005/12/bitch_better_he.html)

Made-up citation: "For proctologists, some health care workers, and certain turd-minded romantics, the poo-free zone of life can be small enough to pee through."

schmoopieface

noun. That's you, sugarpants! Yes it is!

Related terms: schmoopiehead, schmoopiepants, schmoopiecakes.

Real citation: "Aww, still moody, schmoopieface?"
(Connie, Sept. 17, 2004, http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:qBGg5cqpPkAJ:boxingmonkey.com/tok/ultimatebb.cgi%3Fubb%3Dnext_topic%26f%3D1%26t%3D010156%26go%3Dnewer+schmoopieface&hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Who's the schmoopieface now, motherfucker? WHO'S THE SCHMOOPIEFACE NOW?"

crazed-assedness

noun. Batshit, man. Batshit.

Related terms: ample assedness, assedness, bad-assedness, bare-assedness, big-assedness, brew-assedness, broke-assedness, busted-assedness, candied-assedness, candy-assedness, cheap-assedness, cold-assedness, crack-assedness, crazy-assedness, cute naked assedness, Disney-kiss-my-assedness, draggy-assedness, drool-assedness, droopy-assedness, dumbassedness, fancy assedness, fat-assedness, fatty-assedness, financial-kick-assedness, flat-assedness, foot-up-assedness, freaky-assedness, geek-assedness, general-wise-assedness, half-assedness, hard-assedness, haul-assedness, head-in-the-assedness, head-up-assedness, head-up-their-assedness, horse-assedness, iron-rod-up-one's-assedness, jackassedness, kick-assedness, King of the World-assedness, lame-assedness, lard-assedness, lazy assedness, long-assedness, masculine-assedness, mean-assedness, nasty assedness, near-brush-with-great-assedness, no-assedness, non-fat assedness, pain-in-the-assedness, pansy-assedness, pissy-assedness, pompous assedness, pretentious assedness, punk-assedness, red-assedness, slack-assedness, slap-assedness, smart-assedness, sorry-assedness, stick-up-their-assedness, stubborn-assedness, stupid assedness, suck-assedness, super-bad-assedness, superhalf-assedness, tight-assedness, ugly-assedness, up-my-assedness, weak-assedness, weird-assedness, whiny-assedness, whoop-assedness, wise-assedness.

Real citation: "NOTE: I recommend this reaction for use in various NPCs, including those who may have a good deal of training, to simulate the crazed-assedness of a gun fight and the low hit ratio statistics of incidents studied in The Real World."
(http://www.delta-green.com/comint/dgml/v02/v02.n062)

Made-up citation: "Crazed-assedness is a wonderful quality in music and movies, less so in non-movie mothers and mobsters."

suitcase pimpette

noun. A female hanger-on, manager, and/or sex poodle of a male porn star or other young professional.

Real citation: "Everyone I spoke to knew of at least a handful of women who perform the role for other female performers. However, no one knew of a suitcase pimpette for a guy."
(Tristan Taormino, "Pimpin' Ain't Easy," "Aug. 22, 2005, http://www.villagevoice.com/people/0534,taormino,67070,24.html)

Made-up citation: "With a suitcase pimpette and a better resume, you too can climb the corporate ladder like a monkey up a banana tree."

perp-waddle

noun. A delightful penguin-like non-strut, often foreshadowing a future full of equally delightful don't-drop-the-soap scenarios.

Real citation: "Cheney's Perp-Waddle"
(Oct. 25, 2005, Wonkette, http://www.wonkette.com/politics/dick-cheney/cheneys-perpwaddle-132987.php)

Made-up citation: "Chuck Berry is a master of the duck walk and the penguiny perp-waddle, though a body search reveals few feathers."

non-sticky-outy

adj. Lacking prominent protuberances of any kind.

Real citation: "Any New Non-sticky-outy Wifi Cards Out There?"
(http://www.oesf.org/forums/lofiversion/index.php?f28.html)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'Aye, verily, there's a big difference between non-sticky and non-sticky-outy.'"

hot dog with teeth

noun. A naked mole-rat, baby. It doesn't get any better than that.

Real citation: "Twenty-five percent of their musculature is in their jaws. Their powerful incisors extend outside their lips. Some people think they look like hot dogs with teeth!"
("Frequently Asked Questions about Naked Mole-Rats," http://nationalzoo.si.edu/Animals/SmallMammals/nmrfaqs.cfm)

Made-up citation: "If a dickhead had his tallywhacker bitten off by a hot dog with teeth, that would be a real cock-up."

schmuckadoodledoo

interjection. A schmucky and not entirely un-chickeny exclamation.

Real citation: "schmuckadoodledoo...I'd say schkrew him and the horse he rode in on... except he doesn't own anything that you didn't give him... so it would have to be *your* horse. Do you have a horse?"
(lapietra, July 17, 2004, http://zefrank.com/bulletin/archive/index.php/t-5459.html)

Made-up citation: "Which President do you think of when I whisper 'schmuckadoodledoo' into your shapely ear during AP History class?"

post-apocalypticish

adj. Not very fresh and clean and inhabitable and minty.

Real citation: "There is no other way to put it. Ralph Baker, street photographer, is simply not your average kind of guy. He lives in what he calls his "spaceship," a green-housed, alternative, post-apocalypticish living space wedged snugly between two Williamsburg residential/commercial buildings."
(Raphie Frank, "Ralph Baker, (refusing to be) Blind Photographer," Sept. 10, 2005, http://www.gothamist.com/archives/2005/09/10/
ralph_baker_refusing_to_be_blind_photographer.php)

Made-up citation: "Parsons are perturbed when parishioners take post-apocalypticish poops in the private potty? Pish-posh!"

baddie-in-training

noun. An adorable little villain still learning the details of mustache-twirling and mayhem-causing.

Real citation: "Still reserving judgment on Peyton as a baddie, she hasn't really impressed me yet. I guess she can be a baddie-in-training to match up with Rachel's agent-in-training."
(mad maverick, "5-7: "Fait Accompli" 2005.11.17," Nov. 19, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3133044&view=findpost&p=4014006)

Made-up citation: "You've got to start baddies-in-training young--teach 'em that a lot can be accomplished with a loaded diaper and an evil heart."

mini-clustereff

noun. A small yet tasteful clusterfuck.

Real citation: "First on the docket, a mini-clustereff with Frank Robinson."
(Chris Needham, "Armas' Arm," Feb. 16, 2005, http://dcbb.blogspot.com/2005/02/armas-arm.html)

Made-up citation: "Though a mini-clustereff is pretty fucked up, it is also diminutive and cute, like a leprechaun or Shih Tzu."

hacktastic

adj. Fantastically hack-like in all the myriad ways of hackery, as God intended.

Real citation: "When a powerful hack commissions hackwork from a piddling hack, the results are hacktastic."
(James Wolcott, "Kill PBS? Over My Dead Volvo!" Vanity Fair, Dec. 2005)

Made-up citation: "There's a fine line between craptastic and hacktastic, though a naked mole rat and a goliath bird-eating spider can be distinguished even by a layperson."

who-the-fuck-cares-edness

noun. My apathy is really fucking something.

Related terms: non-caredness, no-caredness, taken-caredness, devil-may-caredness, I-don't-caredness, why-do-I-caredness.

Real citation: "His name was Shawn. But he also had a nickname, which I don't remember at this time but let's go with "Hank" for the sake of who-the-fuck-cares-edness. He said he thinks he has a split personality. I said, "A split personality?? Fabulous!" because that's what I do in these situations. I mock them, but they're so delusional that they don't even realize that I'm making fun of them."
(Dawn, Sept. 4, 2005, Tiny Voices in My Head, webmiztris.blogspot.com/2005_09_01_webmiztris_archive.html)

Made-up citation: "What you call 'who-the-fuck-cares-edness,' I call Zen. Now piss off; it's naptime, bucko."

nutburgery

noun. Folks like Commander Cuckoo-Bananas frequently engage in nutburgery, because they are mentally wacky.

Real citation: "This is a proven strategy in the area of ufology. People DO see UFOs. The government doesn't want people blabbering on about what might be the newest toy in the black budget arsenal. Therefore they find one easy case which can be debunked and whose observers can be exposed as nuts or frauds. That way, any other legitimate observations by competent people can likewise be dismissed as just more tinfoil nutburgery."
(Wm Bach, Aug. 1, 2002, http://freerepublic.com/focus/news/725709/posts)

Made-up citation: "The nutburgery quotient of this Presidency will be hard to top. Then again, I never thought we'd learn that monkeys talk like Pepe le Pew, so I wouldn't rule anything out."

big-dick-dar

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dominatrix-sex-kitten-y

adj. I believe the technical term is "Me-fucking-ow!"

Real citation: “I've always been very conscientious to separate my hospital life from my real life. My time in the hospital is a lot like that lady in the Las Vegas commercial -- the one where she's all dominatrix-sex-kitten-y in the limo, only to be all business when she gets out. "What happens here, stays here." Except that it's kind of in reverse for me and the hospital, and also, I'm not so into S&M. So maybe this was a bad metaphor. Let's just move on.”
(“get out of my clinic, and into my subway car,” Sept. 7, 2004, push fluids, http://www.pushfluids.com/blog/archives/000085.html)

Made-up citation: "A dominatrix-sex-kitten-y doofus is not in demand in Denmark--Democrats demand a discount!"