Monday, January 23, 2006

butt-grape ritual

noun. The kind of love that is possible only between a coach and an athlete. And a grape.

Real citation: "The single best coach story I heard concerned a college football coach who purportedly made his players run wind sprints while each one held a single grape between the cheeks of his buttocks. The unfortunate soul who came in last had to eat the grapes. Haunting though this story is, I can't verify it. My correspondent, a rather distinguished newspaper columnist, said he read about this in a biography of the coach in question that was published in the 1970s. But despite assiduously searching and Google's book-search page, I was unable to find any reference to the butt-grape ritual, and therefore shall withhold the name of the coach in question. (I think it may also be awhile before I can bring myself to eat a grape.)"
(Timothy Noah, "Bad Coaches," Jan. 19, 2006, Slate,

Made-up citation: "In my culture, the ancient butt-grape ritual separates the men from the boys and the grapes from the bananas. Thank you, Jesus."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That would make me run very fast, or slow.. depending apon what I was looking for.