turdlessness

noun. What a sad state of affairs for a noble turd-herder, who has a family to feed, you know.

Real citation: "Turds are gone.
turdlessness achieved!!!
(Jan. 7, 2008, In the 00s, http://www.inthe00s.com/archive/membersonly/smf/1196689407.shtml)

Made-up citation: "I admire men with balls, women with class, and pants that are in a state of turdlessness. That's just the way I was raised."