scumologist

noun. Someone who has devoted their life to the study of scum, including money-grubbing scum, pond scum, and rebel scum.

Real citation: "So they got this accreditation and proceeded to spread around like a bad virus using the stupid "Feel my finger?" technique until a doctor peeked inside at a patient receiving this treatment. A young boy who they'd been fingering for 2 days was asked on the spot if he felt any difference since they showed up. he actually said he felt nodifference and would like to get more rest. The one scumbag that was there on his own was asked to leave and also told that this "finger treatment had no medical value whatsoever. He still insisted and tried to explain the technique to the doctor who stood his ground and insisted he should leave now. Mr. Scumologist tried to reach his crew by cellphone but was unable to contact any of them and insisted he would be back with them to explain the good they do bring there."
(Jan. 19, 2005, The Bear Pit, http://www.bearpit.net/index.php?showtopic=3269)

Made-up citation: "I need to see a scumologist. I've been having self-esteem problems..."