Real citation: "
Made-up citation: "I'd like to help you with your problem, sir; I truly would. In fact, I'm going to try to get my who-gives-a-shit on right now... OK, here goes: trying, trying, trying, ughhhhhhhhh! Well, this is embarrassing. I couldn't quite summon the energy, even from the innermost depths of my being, depths that have seldom been plumbed, even by professional plumbers. Guess you're out of luck. So's your face."